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1/6/03 blah...
uh, okay, i really don't remember writing that last entry! geez, but i think i meant to have marked the time as being like 3:30 AM rather than pm. what i weirdo i am. can't even remeber writing my own angsty entry. yeesh! x_o;; 1/5/03 thoughts at 3:30 pm
i hate things...i am not happy right now. i can't get rid of this aching sadness in my tummy. i hate it. i am hating myself right now too. sigh...i told denise i was fine, but i have already fallem. i wish this feeling would go away. i think tomorrow i will do some craft stuffs and try to relax and be on my own tomorrow.also write and stuff. i am so sleepy sigh...::wishes Ishii would sing her a lullaby:: 1/4/03 oh god i am bored so here is something useless...
from kelly
1. What time is it? 11:55 am
2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate: Crystal Renee Vasquez
3. Nicknamed: weirdo
4. Parents' names: mom & dad
5. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: it didn't have candles
6. Date that you regularly blow them out or Birthdate: 10/11/81
7. Hair color: black
8. Tattoos: not yet
9. How much do you love your job on a scale of 1 -
10? job?
10. Favorite color: pretty blues
11. Hometown: hell, uh,i mean phoenix
12. Current Residence: phoenix
13. Favorite Food: spring rolls
14. Been to Africa? not yet
15. Loved somebody so much it made you cry? yes ^^;
16. Been in a car accident? not really
17. Croutons or bacon bits? how bout both?
18. Sprite or 7UP? 7-UP
19. Favorite Movie: currently, sen to chihiro no kamikaushi or the two towers
20. Favorite Holiday: Halloween.
21. Favorite day of the week: friday
22. Favorite Restaurant: To Do (viet food...best spring rolls^^)
23. Favorite Flowers: white lillies
24. Favorite beverage: milk tea/mocha frappucino/peach water
25. Favorite sport to watch: healthy young boys playing DDR at the arcade! uh, wait...
26. Preferred type of ice cream: mmm...ice cream...::drool::
27. How may times did you fail your driver's test? never taken it
28. Who is the last person you got e-mail from before this one? ha! myself!
29. Which single store would you choose to max out your credit cards? TORRID or sadly wal-mart
30. What do you do most often when you are bored? play video games/talk on the phone/dork out
31. Name the person you are friends with that lives the farthest away: kenneth
32. Most annoying thing people ask or tell you: what's wrong with you?
33. Bed time: bedtime??
34. Who will respond the quickest? no one, since i never send these thing out like i am supposed to
35. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to
respond? uh, kelly
36. Favorite TV Show? the osbournes
37. Last person you went out to dinner with: last person i HAD dinner with was chris, at a resturant, my mommy
38. Last movie you saw: The Two Towers
39. Favorite Pets? hammy *.*
40. Favorite vehicle? mom's car
Stole this from Tracy's blog
Name: crystal
Age: 21
Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend? i don't think so
What's your favorite color nail polish? blood red
Do you have a cellphone? yes
Do you Have a pager: no
What's your favorite color?: blues, black and minty green
Do you have any pets? hammy, kitties, doggy, and plenty of stray things that follow me home
Which do you like better out of Nike/Adidas/Reebok/Fila?: nike shoes are comfy, but adidas clothes and ish are just cool
What's your favorite store? TORRID
Which do you lke better, Coke or Pepsi? blegh! none
What's your favorite CD? can't choose just one
What's your favorite TV station? MTV, cartoon network
What's your favorite radio station? punk hour on the 'edge'
What's your least favorite songs? OMFG too many to name
Who are your favorite groups? dir en grey among others (too many to name)
Do you have caller ID? hell yeah
Do you have your own phone line? nope
Do you have your own computer? GAH!!!NO! FUCK!
How many people do you live with? too many >_>;
Do you have your own room? no ::sad::
Who is the prettiest girl you know? me (conceted no?)
Who is the hottest guy you know? mr kitty
What's the furthest place you've been? san fransico
Do you like teletubbies? heh, heh
What shampoo do you use? suave
Who are your best friends? hamster, cd player, PS2
What organized sports do you play? does sex count??
Where do you hang out on Friday nights? depends on mah mood
Who's the most outgoing person you know? kenneth
Who's the dumbest person you know? OMG there are far too many to name, but i wuld have to say trish/patrick/alicia/stalkers/and many, many others.
Who's the strangest person you know? me and denise
Who's the loudest person you know? kelly
Who's the person that smiles the most? me and denise
Who's the person that laughs the most? me
Who's the nicest person you know? denise
Who's online most? uh, chris
What's your favorite animal? hammy
Who's your idol? bjork. no question
What friend do you most want to be like? oh god none of them
Who's body do you wish you had? toshiya
What's your favorite cartoon? inu yasha
What's your favorite TV show? adult swim, the osbournes
Are you in love? always
Who do you like? mmm...boys...::drool::
What's your favorite movie? sen to chihiro no kamikakushi
Are you a Christian? nope
Do you go to church? not really
Do you play an instrument? used to
Do you have braces? yes! FUCK!
Do you have glasses? yes
Do you have contacts? no
Can you stick out your tongue and touch your nose? i don't think so
Do you have long eyelashes? no (that's what mascara is for)
Do you have a tan? ha! are you kidding, i practically glow
What color is your hair? black
who's hair do you wish you had? miyabi
What color are your eyes? Dark brown
Who's eyes do you wish you had? toshiya
What's the saddest thing that's ever happened to you?
where do i start...?
What's the best thing that's ever happened to you? um, hamsters, PS2, er...fun stuff?
What's your favorite stuffed animal? cake chan (bear), kuzihiko bear, choco cat, ::giggles madly:: so many more
Have you ever been to a circus? no ::sad::
Have you ever been to a carnival? yeah
Have you ever been to a fair? yeah
What song best describes you your feelings? garden-dir en grey, mother-luna sea, crucify my love-x japan among others
What's your best subject? art and english
What's your worst subject? everything else
Who's your favorite teacher? 6th and 8th grade english teachers and ms. B my high school art teacher
Who's your least favorite teacher? everyone else
What's your most embarrassing moment? don't rememebr. probably blocked it
If you could take back one thing, what would it be? so many things, like the way i treated *secret*
How tall are you? 5' 8
Do you wear lots of make-up? all the time ^^
Do you blow dry your hair? sometimes
Do you take showers at night or in the morning? both
How long does it take for you to get ready in the morning? 1-2 hours
What time do you get up? whenever
What time do you go to bed? whenever
What time is it now? 1:21 pm
If you could be one place right now where could it be and with who? in cali with anyone really. kenneth, maybe by myself
Who was the last person you called? mommy
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? mommy
Who's the last person you talked to in person? chris
Who's the funniest person you know? uh, dont ask
When was the last time you got drunk? sorta on new years
When was the last time you went to the bathroom? first thing when i woke up
Who was the last person you made a bed with? uh, chris? >_>
How old is your house? mine? old
What town do you live in? phoenix, the capitol city of hell
What state do you live in? i told you, hell
What's the last thing you had to drink? lemonade
What's the last thing you had to eat? nothing
Do you have a disease? maybe...do you count "geek" as a desease
When was the last time you went fishing? too long ago
Do you check the back of cards for the hallmark sign? i don't care i hate getting cards unless they are like really pretty
Where are you going for summer vacation? god hopefully anywhere, just get me out of here!
What's your worst memory? too many
Are you adopted? i don' think so
Who knows most about you? mmm...my peeps
Who do you know most about? me myself
What color are you fingernails right now? natural
Do you like silver or gold? silver
How many pieces of jewelry do you wear? too much or not enough
What is your favorite type of jewelry? all types!
Which do you like better, Surge or Mountain Dew? neither
Which do you like better, Mr. Pibb or Dr. Pepperdr. pepper
Which do you like better, Sprite or 7up? 7up
Who do go to for advice? denise
Do you give advice? sometimes
Did you like this survey? yeah it's alright, but chris thinks it could be better
1/4/03 oooohhhhhh....scary
YIKES! ::runs and hides::
1/4/03 puuurrr...
Which JROCK male should suit YOU?
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can't deny the dirty old woman in me ^^; 1/2/03 and yet more quizes...
Which part of the Visual Kei Academy do you belong in?
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Detention! You little hoodlum! From beating up underclassmen for their lunch money to smoking pot in the teacher's lounge, you are just rotten. But you're sexy, so we forgive you.
ho ho! yesh, i be a bad mofo! LMAO
What Kind of FLIRT are you?
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::flips hair:: hmph, my my, who'd have thought ne? me mistress of the flirt? never! i don't even try! LMAO some more
1/1/03 Powder Snow
Happy new year!
hoping all those happen to read this have had a new years. i came into the new year playing kingdom hearts with a few friends and drinking apple cider. distraction. a wonderful thing. even now i have not slept. although it could just be because i am not at home and have an awful time sleeping at other people's houses. but, i doubt i would be asleep at home. i am trying to keep my mind very busy. my new years was a rollercoaster of emotion. i am not sure what to think. but i am glad. glad for many different reasons. but...well angry as hell for many others. i was pretty placid all night. i guess it is good i cancelled my big party plans. though...i would have really liked to have gotten drunk. we drank, but not much. anyway, i sooooo need to change the layout. yup... 12/31/02 hanyaaaaan... 
Which Dir en Grey member would be your ideal boyfriend?
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::giggles madly:: yeeessss...excellent...
and another
I'm Mysterious Cute!! made by Jen
12/31/02 show me love...
today could have been a good day...but it wasn't. mostly, but not really. hm, bored of layout now. need new one. okay so mana or toshiya?? that is the question. hm...also, i am suffering from l.j. envy. there seems to be alot of that going around lately. bah.......... maybe i will do something, maybe. me hurts... 12/30/02 in the arms of silence
actually i wish i had some music on right now. begh, i am so bored. waiting for my mom to get home. hopefully she will take me to wal-mart like she said she would. i am all out of bath stuff like shampoo and toothpaste! o_o;; also i can already tell i am in the mood to spend some serious $$! even though i really shouldn't. but shh, don't tell! oh, my bathroom is such a mess! i have to clean it and do some laundry when i come home. there is alot i should be doing, but wha! i dun wanna! ::rolls around on the floor:: :D i wanna do something fun. mou... ::wishing she had friends that lived near by:: hm, also wanna play kingdom hearts some more. i saw some really sweet kingdom hearts l.j. icons someone made today. bah! but anyway, enough babble...gonna go take a shower.
12/28/02 tee hee hee...
i'm bubbles? cute! ::sticks out tounge:: bleeee... 12/28/02 Princess type
no and i don't mean shinya..though he IS the fairest of them all. anyway, my mall trip did prove to be fruitful. let's see now, i got a sweet shiny black vinyl (sp?) kitty collar at hot topic for only like $3. i also got an adorable blue denim and brown leather MASHI MARO handbag and mashi maro scented tissue at the $ store. and i bought this pretty black beaded w/ fringe wrap that goes around your waist over jeans. it was on sale for $4!! ^__^ i have been wanting one of those but they are always so much $$! yeah, and now that i have the kitty collar i have been wanting i am going to put together a kawaii kitty GL-ish outfit with kitty ears too. =^.^= hm...and since we are on the subject of fashion, i found this to be rather amusing. i sooooo have to try out that "eye" techinique, it looks great! ::wishing she had cosplay buddies:: 12/27/02 unknown...dispair...a lost
man this song fucking rocks! XD mou...i wanna watch the gauze pv collection now!! oh but it so late. maybe tomorrow ne? whew, today was crazy. since i didn't get any sleep at all yesterday, i was like on auto pilot all day. (wargh! zombie crystal!!) went to the hospital, got very sick. -__-; then had to go with mom to run errands at the mall. blegh, whatever. went to torrid. nothing there i wanted. plus the annoying gay sales guy was so "super" he was getting on my nerves. and, there were like all these bitches in the store today! there would people saying, 'oh my, these clothes are soooooo huge! i can't wear this' or 'these clothes are so ugly and goth looking!' OMFG! where the hell did they think they were at? hello! fuckers, there are like a huge group of fat punk chicks hanging outside the door! shit! but, one good thing today at the mall was there were like so many hot asian guys there! *swoon* but we didn't stay long at all. we had to go back to the animal hospital and pick up mah doggie. oh...she is so sad. she has a fever now! is noraml after getting spayed? i am so worried. i got sick so many times today. i can stand to see my baby dog in pain. i almost threw up! ^^;;
12/27/02 i am sooooooo cracked!!!
uh, it is like 7 am right now. oh fuck! what i am still doing up? my mom just took the dog to her surgery. ::shiku:: wah! poor doggy! i noticed i have the taste of blood in my mouth. i don't know why. i guess cuz i was messing with it. it tastes kinda interesting. ah, i just wanna hear the "slip and click"! ah! i am so HENTAi ne? yup! ^^ that i's me. but shh...don't tell anyone. (kidding) oi i need sleep. when i stay up too long i have hentai thoughts. ::rolls around on the floor thinking of toshiya:: XD sexy, sexy toshiya with his naked shoulders and the perfect tummy. that sexxxxyyyy tummy! ::wants to bite it:: i think toshiya would be into biting. i am! ^^;;
12/27/02 Craving
wah!!! i want, no, need the january FOOL'S MATE!
sexy sexy coverboy kyo!! and i just can't get enough of those japanese dragqueens! :D oh! ::cries:: i want it! 12/27/02 Your Cloud
hm, okay, first things first, added new peeps to the friends blog links! yay! ::huggles peeps:: new bloggy buddies ^^. kay, well anyway, today was pretty boring. slept soooooo long and it felt damn good. though i was slugish all day. i played around with my tarot deck a bit. i am so excited about learning to use them. also, kenneth called me today. sigh...it went well, bad, but not terrible. i was being a major bitch. then he started talking about sherry (his new gf or whatever) and i said that was it! i told him everything. how i was butthurt about him not calling me like he said he would, being short with me on the phone, bragging about sherry (who could be a saint but i don't FUCKING care cuz i won't like her no matter what) we had a long talk about it all. i think i feel better about it now. he made a really good point about other people i never thought of before. i guess we are kinda cool again. i don't want to have such bad feelings for him. but i am a sensitive, jealous person sometimes. but yeah, i think we are good. ^__^ 12/25/02 and on a lighter note...
my mom got me this light up ink pen for xmas. it is soooo
kawaii cuz it has a little plastic angel on top that looks very much like a mini subaru kun! he has the subaru bowl cut hairstyle and a big cross on the front of his shirt and pretty blue wings! ^^ yup, that's right folks i'm a fan girl. oh yeah and this is fucking hilarious! i burst out laughing so hard! then laughed even harder when i got a look at "kyo-sus"!!!! LMFAO, that really made my day.
12/25/02 orange sunset remix
okay, i am deleting the original entry cuz it was just to depressing. i can't dwell on such sad memories. i know what happened today. i don't want to write about it. i'll just say, i went to visit my great aunt in the hospital today. it was very hard for me. i hate seeing her so sad, but am trying to realize i can not take her pain for her and i shouldn't think like that. she has surgery tomorrow and yes i am scared and so is she. but i don't want to cry, i am only going to believe in positive thoughts. as for the rest of my day, we went to dinner at nana's house. *YUM* and got lots of wondeful presents. i had fun then. i got the tarot deck i have been wanting. ^^ ::runs of to play:: 12/25/02 snowflakes in my head
*Happy Christmas*
dances around happily:: everyone be sure to celebrate and be happy ne? 12/24/02 viewing your life on the big screen
ha, what can i say about today? it was such a good day. i slept so well, but had a lonely feeling all day because of the dreams i can't remember. for so many reasons today was just a boring ordinary day...but for so many others today was wonderful. of course i still can't seem to get over the dull ache of sad ghosts following me. ::smile:: but that is to be expected i suppose. today was chirstmas eve with a purple sky from the city lights. cold air but the only snow is the glitter in my small jar. i was thinking how i right now is far from where i was last year at this same time. i guess, it's a good thing. but time passes so quickly! how...very disorienting. anyway, as i was saying. today being such the day that people usually celebrate for one reason or another, i was busy making food all day. i was also alone most of the day. standing in the kitchen dropping "things" into boiling water i realized how humbling it felt to prepare dinner for other people. i felt quite content at that moment, and the rest of the night for that matter. ::smile:: and things went on in just the right way. although kenneth called which i was not expecting at all. so there i was sitting comfortably at home with all my guards down, then he calls and i am struggeling to put my walls up again! -_-;; the conversation went well on the surface. however, talking to him gave me the worst feeling. i have it now if i think about him. why do i have to have such an awful feeling for him. i don't mean to or want to, but it's there. why do i feel the need to build these god damned walls? where have i gone? ("...and i ride along side and i rode along side you then, and i rode along side till you lost me there in the open rode and i rode along side till the honey spread itself so thin for me to break your bread, for me to take your word, i had to steal it...") ah...but whatever. after that we had presents.
*__* ::happy:: got KINGDOM HEARTS (though i knew i had to be getting it eventually) also got SCARLET'S WALK. it is so good. (anyone who says this album is boring has no soul.) as for right now, my house smells heavy and warm with bread. it's late. and i'm still making food. but i don't feel in any rush to go to bed. i am happy. bread is in an oven and i am dancing with the smoke from a brass burner a slow snake-woman dance to "pancake". and IT doesn't matter, but i always dream of those mountains and the water that knows me by my real name. i miss my friends, and i miss the me that could their friend. cuz right now i am too lost to really be anyone's friend. i wanna try. tomorrow i get to go to nana's house. i am gonna wear my "mana-esqu" EGA type outfit. very black, very simple. i feel like being anyone but me lately. i think that is why i have been craving distraction. i want to go... bah, am i being weird? today is a strange entry.
12/24/02 it's all magical inside my head!
where, oh where is my "dream in a pie"???!!! sigh..if only i could find it... curse anyone who gets in the way of girl and her pie full of dreams! ::shakes fist angrily:: now, on to search for my pie. 12/23/02 this music may be hopeful, but will it be enough to part the clouds?
today was pretty boring. it started out kinda bad cuz i was kinda down, then i watched the saddest movie! oh! and i really felt depressed and didn't wanna do anything. but my day did get better. i think i just needed some grand distraction. so i played ff8 for a while. heh, who knows if i will finish it though. i feel better now. i have a small hopeful feeling. ^______^ but i am so tired. tomorrow i have so much to do. i have to clean and make lots of xmas food. i am a little dissapointed that we won't be celebrating on xmas eve and only on xmas day this year. oh well, yule lasts longer so i can celebrate more days too ne? :D and i don't know if we will be visiting my great aunt in the hospital tomorrow or not. my mom is afraid i will faint cuz i am scared of hospitals. ^^;; oh, anyway before i go to bed...if anyone can tell me where these song lyrics are from or even ::smirk:: what language, i will give them a big fat cookie/present/whatever!! i am so serious too. i already know but if you know too then you are cool like butter or just as nredy as me. ^^ i really love this song.
win dain a lotica
en vai tu ri
si lo to
fin dein a loluca
en dragu a sei
lain
vi fa-ru les shutai am
en riga-lint
wint chent a
lotica
en vai turi
silota
fein dein a loluca
si kati grua neuver
floreria for chesti
si entina
lalala...
fontina blu cent
de cravi esca
letisimo
lalala...
de quantian
la finde reve
win dain a lotica
en vai turi
find ein a loluca
en dragu a sei
lain
vi fa-ru les shutai am
en riga-lint
12/23/02 a sullen girl...
well...i just got up a while ago. i had some very interesting dreams, but i can only rememebr the feeling i had from the dream rather than what happened. ugh, but wes called and woke me up. our conversation was less than wonderful. he said some things that really rubbed me the wrong way. sigh...i hate having a bad feeling when i first wake up. it lingers. just that splinter of unhappiness in your stomach and you don't really know why it's there or how to get rid of it. i have been thinking lately i am just not good at having friends. i am too opinionated, too cold, too honest. but then i am also very sick of being passive and nonconfrontaional. i am going to say what's on my mind. blegh... anyway, enough of that. i think i am just stressed about alot of things right now too. but it is not all bad. i'll just stay in my head. ^.^ right now i am listening to faye wong. for me her music is like PERFECT winter music. hn, what a 'blah' entry ne?
12/22/02 Lack of sleep + jpop + stress = chaos within (it's a war i tell you!)
blaaaaah...been singing along to hikki's Simple & Clean. (the nonremixed version) but i still think the japanese on is more fun to sing to cuz it's always more fun to in japanese. ;P i am so sleepy.
i really wanted to write a nice fat entry tonight but i am literally falling asleep here. and it sucks cuz i really do have alot to say too. i just have not gotten around to it. got back from tracy's house today. and i really just wanted to dork out online but i got to drawing. and ^.^ i drew
s.o.m.t.h.i.n.g. niiiiiiice! but i won't say what it is. it's a surprise. i drew a couple of nice pics. now getting around to shading/coloring them is a different story. -_-;
anyway, not that anyone noticed but i deleted a bunch of entries. i was tired of looking at them. they were either short bullshit entries or they were depressing me too much to have them around anymore. whatever. oh yeah, and i also updated a few other things as well. links and stuff. now i am listening to X JAPAN's Silent Jealousy. mmmmm...yoshiki sure knows how to bang...those drums that is! oi! XD i am stupid. going to bed now. i WILL write about everything else later.
12/20/02 ::glares angrily at the clock:: such an ungodly hour...
::yawn:: okay okay i am up. it's like 9:45 am. okay so maybe that is ot so bad but i am still tired and want to go back to sleep. today is friday, and i am going over to tracy's house. we are supposed to go shopping this morning, that is why i am up so early. her mom is coming to pick me up at 11 am. wah! not enough time. it really does take me forever to get ready. later tonight we are going to see LOTR the two towers and we are getting all dressed up! wai! i am excited. don't know why. i wanna put together a mana type outfit, but, ::sniffle:: i don't have the right blouse!! ::cries:: noooo! i wanna be mana sama! well whatever. i gotta run. i don't even know what i am gonna wear this afternoon. -__-;;
12/18/02 I need bloooooood...yargh!
quiz time! well i am not really into yugioh, but this should make tracy happy...
hmmm...bakura huh? who knew. ^________________^
12/13/02 Happy 'lil birthday cakes all around
::ahem:: HAPPY BITHDAY HIDE!!! and in honor of hide's birthday i be listening to some live old skoo x japan ish yo! maybe tomorrow i should watch my hide video collection. hide san...you were great also it would seem that today is also my granny's b-day soooooo...HAPPY BIRTHDAY NANA!! ::yawn:: well i am too tired to write anything else really. oyasumi. 12/10/02 in the garden...
::yawn:: well i just got up. it's like noon right now. i had an interesting dream last night. i can't really recall most of it but i don't think most of it made much sense outside of the dream. i remember being in this small abandoned house/greenhouse/shack. it was really pretty even though it was all rundown and there was a huge lush overgrown garden all around it. i was inside and there were many candles and decorative candle holders. i don't remeber why i was there but it seemed like it was an important reason. there was a girl there with me i think. then my mom came also and we picked pumpkins and squash from the garden and sat out side at sunrise. it was really very nice. the rest of the dream is very blurry. there was this one part where i was laying in a hospitol bed with a sick friend (don't know who though) and i was holding a letter from haku!!! (yes haku from sen to chihiro) in the letter haku said that he did not want me going to china. (!?) but it was more of a demand than a request. he said he would be very angry with me if i left to china and he would be forced to get me. (don't know why i was going to china) then i was at my grandmas house laying on my stomach in her front yard. it was mostly dirt and dried grass. not pretty like it used to be. and i was laying there thinking, the ground is hard when it should be full of flowers and grass, and vegitables (?). then my aunt lydia and her friend came home and i guess no one was at the house but me. which is very weird cuz i am never there by myself. she told me something i can't remember and i went to the porch and was looking at the plants which seemed very big in my dream. sometime later i was my grandma's back yard. i ALWAYS dream about her back yard. i don't what else happened but it felt very odd. but then again most of my dreams do. i also notice the theme of this dream was plants. but not just now i seem to dream about plants that are very green and wet with big leaves and trees and soil alot. also vegitables an gardens. what could that mean...hmmm...i don't know.
12/10/02 Monday night rambling
hm, well not too uch to report i guess. lets see, went to see chris this weekend. that was fun. fufufu ^^ boys are fun. i missed him ad he made me two really great c.d.s
*chuu* for chris. and today was really great too. i got alot of cleaning done. yeah, for once i didn't sit around on my ass. i cleaned the kitchen and washed all the dishes and cleaned and organized the bathroom WHILE making dinner! theni took a shower. i still need to do the dinner dishes and clean the floor in the bathroom and wash the tub. i feel kinda good about it all. getting so much done. but other than that i have so much on my mind lately. most of it is not very good. i really hate feeling this way when i should be feeling happy cuz it's winter and christmasy. (well my version of christmasy anyway) i really should be happier. i want to be. there are so many reasons to be but i just can't. well...i HAVE to fix it then. i am going to. blegh, but i am tired. i should go to bed now. bleghhhhhhhhh.....
12/8/02 hmmm... quiz
::quivers in fangirlish delight:: die sama! eek! ::happy::
Congratulations! Your ideal Alpha Male is... 
For all intensive purposes, your Alpha Male seems like the "normal" boyfriend. He gets along with family and friends, is considerate and thoughtful in his actions, and his biggest priority, like every good Alpha Male, is *you*. The thought of you coming to any discomfort often prevents him from engaging in more typical Alpha Male behavior and thushe is generally exempt from mood swings and bursts of silence. However, caring does not equal sharing to this Alpha Male and when he feels anyone is trying to come between you, his less than genial side begins to show. In the end, though, so long as he doesn't feel threatened by any third party, the two of you are destined for happiness.
Which Alpha Male is right for you?
Brought to you by Alexandra and Matrim
12/3/02 Insanity?
okay well i am going to be perfectly honest here. i have been feeling less...well, sane these days. hm, wonder why that is. i really won't go too into it though. it's just that i keep waking up with realy bad thoughts in my head. like i'll wake up from being asleep and start telling myself what a loser fuck off i am! o__0;; okay that is not fun. i really need to fix that. my dreams are not any better either. i guess i am a little depressed lately ne? wah! ::sniffle:: i NEED to fix this. this is not who i want to be. there are a lot of other "things" going on in my head that i don't really want to go into. maybe i should be writing this in my livejournal. saaaa... okay well that is what i will do then. ::blush:: why am i such a nut case?
anyway, i slept a few hours and now i am up again. it's like 8 am and i have LOTS to do today. so i HAVE TO okay? not buts about it. gonna get of my lazy ass and do 'dis!
so here is a short list of shit i needs to do:
1.laundry
2.clean kitchen/bathroom
3.draw
4.write??
5.put up xmas decorations :D
okay not so bad ne? wah! but so much cleaning. ::cries::
12/1/02 Rooowwrrness...
wanna know an couple of interesting facts about me?? ne, ne? okay well right now i am eating punpkin pudding. *oishii* :9 and i am wearing the little white cotton undies i got at walmart yesterday. i am not sure why i am so amused by this. it is not like they are special underwear or even really interesting. i just thought i would mention them. my plain little girl panties. maybe it's cuz i have not bought underwear for a while. i was buying them like mad for a while. so maybe i need to start buying them again. also i am so aware of them since i am wearing only them and a sweatshirt right now. (heh, and my shinya red nailpolish) oi! me gams is a freezin! hee, i feel like a little kid. but, wow i haven't been online the past few days. well, today was SO uninteresting though. wah! but i missed blogging. ::huggles blog:: yeah, infact while the past couple of days were boring i had a really fun time friday. i was home alone all day. which made me kinda sad. but, then later carrie called and wanted me to go to a show with her. it was AUTHORITY ZERO and SUM 41. i was like, oh, if sum 41 is gonna be there it might be expensive right? she told me to just come anyway cuz she didn't have tickets either. BUT the thing is, carrie is friends witht he guys from authority zero. so we thought maybe they could get us in. but i told her didn't really want to go. even though i have been wanting to see a.z. live for a while (not to mention the guys from sum 41 are way hot. there music is okay and i ALWAYS have there dam songs stuck in my head cuz mtv plays them too much!) yeah so we call tamara who wants to go and since i like tamara i since i was but hurt about being left at home alone i thought i would go. so...we go and they are sold out and NO we can't get in. so, we go around back to the stage door and wait for a.z. to get out cuz they just finished there set. so we all hang out with them for a while. they are really cool by the way. so then the stage door is all open and we decide to wait around to meet sum 41. we are waiting and waiting and i felt so out of place cuz i dressed all glam gothy and everyone else there was snotty, 14, and blonde. (remind me never to go to a ::ahem:: "punk" show dressed in anything other than bananna republic okay!!?? fucking geez, whatever. snotty little wannabes! yeah so finally sum 41 get off the bus and are standing there with us waiting to go on. all the little girls were like, *swoon*. ah! and they were so cute! they were all so tiny and dirty and cute! me and carrie were saying hi to them and but they were being very snotty. they didn't even say hi at first. then the lead singer was like, "WHAT! WHAT DID YOU SAY!?" uh, okay. i was kinda standing infront of the bassist and he spit on the ground. then carrie asked jokingly if he would spit in her hand and held it out. then i was all yeah me too! so he spit in my hand. *eeeee* weird ne. but it was just saliva not some shit he coughed up or anyting. then carrie and tamara dared me to lick it. ah! i can NOT turn down a dare. so i did a little bit. i just stuck my tounge to it. ha! it was sweet. the band was just like, whatever. then some liitle blonde miss thang behind us was all "that is sooooooo nasty! i love them but not that much! i can't belive he spit in your hand!" so got all close to her and asked if she wanted some too and held my hand up to her face. lol! she freaked. it was very funny if you ask me. gross i know but way funny. after the band went in me and carrie were laughin at that girl saying if it was his cock she would have been all over it! okay okay, so i am not always a nice person. life goes on. anyway, the band went on and the stage door was left opened so we got in and got to see the show. it was cool i thought. then after the show we got signatures of a.z. and sum 41. (i also a spit soaked glove. since i didn't have anything else to wipe the spit on. i haven't washed it yet though cuz i am lazy. so if anyone is a die hard sum 41 fan and wants a "peice" of the bassist i will send you my glove. XD) ah yes the gift of bodily fluid. now if only it were from someone like say...kyo! XD eeeeee! ::dies at the thought:: yeah so anyway were all hung out till about 2 am. it was hella cold and rainy. and i didn't really hang out with "spit in the hand guy" though. he was sorta shitty. the guitarist and the drummer were awsome though. i got many hugs from both of them. they were very sweet. and steve the drummer we trying to get me and carrie to do some prank with him. and i guess "spit in the hand guy" was in a bad mood since he yelled at some girl who trying to talk to him. carrie saw he was shitty so she ran up behind him and slapped his ass! o.O uh, that must have pissed him off more. we did not stay around to find out. aw, it a fun night though. weird, but fun. blegh, listen to me babble! i need to shut up. oh it's so late too. right now i am listening to luna sea. and before that sugizo. *yummy* i don't wanna go to bed though. i have to finish my layout here and i want to set up my livejournal which i NEVER use, but kinda want to these days. well ja! 11/29/02 The taste of cherry pie in my mouth
right now i would like to be almost anywhere but here. i am at home online of course. it's all grey and rainy outside. it doesn't even look like morning. but it's so nice and i have to stay inside cuz i don't have anywhere to go. sigh...i am a little depressed today. can you tell? there is no real reason why, just am. maybe just still trying to wake up. i slept at my nana's house for a whiela then came home and went strait to sleep. i don't rememebr much about the thanksgiving fun yesterday. oh well. i am too lost in my head recently to pay much attention to anything else. but i am happy i went. i need to finish the layout today. ::yawn:: i am listening to THE CURE's FAITH album right now. uh, maybe not the best thing to be listening to but let me tell you, it is very appropriot on this cold cloudy morning. too appropriot almost...
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