Just Another Girl

Far Away

I'm so far away, so far from home, with no one there for me, complete emptiness,alone.

I'm so far away , from the girl i once was, i don't care i'm here it seems no one does.

I'm so far away, i can't find my way back, the ground below breaks, i fall through the cracks.

I'm so far away, there's no turning back now, i keep pressing forward, i can't figure out how.

I'm so far away , from the girl i should be i wake up to find, i'm still pathetic me.

I'm so far away, no one knows i'm gone, and yet no one comes looking, even after this long.

I'm so far away, could i be lost forever? there's so much i want to say but now i can never.

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Tee
Kathy
Shelley
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Jon
Brad
Melis
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Alicia

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Recent History

To My Friends...

Be never too young, never too old, always strong enough to live and inquire, ever loving, always kind. May life share its many blessings with you, and may its burdens be ever light. The wind at your back, the sun in your soul, and my love in your heart now and forever.

Music

I had lost my will, A part of me had died, I sat there in the dark,All alone I cried. I picked up my guitar,Placed my finger on that string, Let all my feelings go in that sad song i always sing.

Tears filled my eyes,But i pushed notes into the air, I played the music louder, I played it till i cared. Music is what saved me, It took my worries and my pain, It filled my heart with memories, I came back to life again.

When you let music take you, It fills your heart and mind, It's like perfect therapy, The only of its kind.

For cousin Holly, To Baby, sweet special girl, you fill me with love and admiration. Brave girl, may your life be ever easy,on calm seas, with kind people, gentle breezes, sunny days and if a storm should ever come one day remember how much I love you.

What I Now Know...
Tuesday, November 19, 2002

What I Now Know...

I now live my life in a happy way. It is happy. Everyday has the potential to be this way. I have laid down all my sorrows and I'm all his. I am his will. I will not hate! not ever! no one can drive me to hate. I know why I am here now. It's amazing what one conversation with God will do for you. Life is purified... faith and hope restored... I have strength and no fear. I can be happy and do God's work! I love you all and pray you can come to my safest place... The grace of God! Love and goodnight. Jo

Damn.
Monday, November 18, 2002

Damn.

She gets wound up... she gets higher by the minute... Turns the sound up... To drown out all the pain... They all think they know her... But no one really knows... That she goes a little crazy sometimes>>> It's hard to breathe... & my heart is sinking... I'm slipping fast... & I'm reaching for you... It's gonna hurt cause... I have been there before... Can't take much more>>> Don't wanna care more than you do... Don't wanna be the 1 whos out in the rain... Don't wanna get that Call where you sound so cold... So far away, So far away... Like the distant roll of thunder>>> Daytime I'm fine... Everything is back normal... Last night I thought that I would die... I had nightmares, I was so scared... I wanna be strong>>> But I dont' wanna be alone tonight... I wanna believe that I can save the world... And make it right>>> Damn I hate the way you know me... and Damn ... you kill when you hold me... Like I'm your world... like this wont hurt... like a favorite cursing every nerve... damn ... I'm fightin and I'm losin it... damn you... your pullin and pushin... I'm wrestlin with... I toss and twist... til finally I give in... damn.

Our first Quintet Roadtrip!!!
Tuesday, November 12, 2002

Our first Quintet Roadtrip!!!

Tonight Quintet.... that's right the rams horns... went on our first roadtrip to our first gig! It went awesome... Matt didn't feel to good but they made him eat that donut! Andy spilt strawberry jam on his pants! he he he. Andy drives crazy... crazy but fun... 130 in an 80 ... 80 in a fifty... I was on cop and hitchhiker duty! EWWWWWW! In response to Andy's question... sorry i had to lie to your face but yes he does! why would u care? whatever? And no we didn't do that! on a more normal note....awesome phrasin Julie! How many donuts did Darryl eat? Go man go. Our best performance ever!!!(hehehe). Our next gig is on the 24th. this time we're goin ta milverton! OOOOOH! We're goin places. ha! wish us luck! we have so much fun. Later.

No More Crazies!
Wednesday, November 6, 2002

No More Crazies!

Well it was a rocky ride but I think the real Jo is back... although this may be a limited time offer... we'll see. Why does it always have to be like this? Oh well what doesn't kill me will only make me stronger. Well sometimes I beg to differ ...I get scared and lonely not always stronger. But I need to live cuz no one else can do it for me plus if u know me.. u know how i hate to lose.. i could never let depression win... maybe a few battles but never the war. Anyways... no more crazies... people come and I've seen them go... but it isn't my fault ... i did all i could do right? The answer is not really... I could have taken her seriously.. I could have told someone.. i could have actually done something but i thought she wouldn't. I guess she proved me wrong. Chrissi I love you so much, ok? I hope u found what u were lookin for. I just kinda wish it didn't come to this. There was so much else. Sometimes God makes me wonder. Why? Where was he when Chrissi needed him most. Was she alone? Was he there? Was it supposed to be like this? How am I supposed to feel? How? How could this happen? It's not that I doubt God its just hard cuz I can't see the whole picture. So much love in such little time. Tragedy. Kinda rips your hope away doesn't it? Well there isn't anything i can do about it know. Just, I'm so sorry... and I love u babe. always Jo

Question?
Tuesday, November 5, 2002

Question?

Would you miss me if I was gone. I'm barely breathin' here and I'm lost. I'm afraid and alone but most of all I'm gone. I love you guys.

You Made me Find Myself
Tuesday, November 5, 2002

You Made me Find Myself

Well what can I say... sometimes in life people make you do things , things you don't want to. Well I was forced to find myself and as most of you know I didn't really like who I found. In fact she very much dissappoints me. Anyways the lyrics to this song are good. They make me cry cause they make me think. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>You Made Me Find Myself By Leanne Rimes>>>>>>>>>>>>>>You Made Me Find Myself Bet you thought my world was over Bet you though I'd crash and burn You thought I'd never Pick myself up off the floor But baby you were wrong Just like before_____ I used to breathe you I used to need you I used to hang on every word that you say It used to please you To try to make me someone else And I thank you from My heart for your help Cause you made me find myself_____ I used to think if I surrendered I'd be the perfect one for you But I swear I can't remember A single day of happiness with you____ Chorus____ No I'm not going back in time And there's a price for being strong But I can live with who I am_____ Chorus____ You made me find my dreams You made me find my love You made me find myself Thank you, thank you_____

Right Here, Right Now
Monday, November 4, 2002

Right Here, Right Now

That's right ... i sit here now not only as a person i don't want to be but as i person i hate. That's right i hate me and i'd like to take this oppurtunity to appologize to each and every one of you for the fuck up i have become. You want advice don't come to me.. i'm never right ( that's right Brad 100% you called it buddy) I just crash and burn over and over and each time i take someone new with me. My last and prolly only valuable piece of advice i give is to stay the fuck away from me. I can't bring you anything but pain and trouble. Tee I'm sorry for everything and anything. What kind of a person was i to do that to you. Brad i'm sorry too. I always end up costing you your relationship. To Missa well we now both realize I'm a back stabbing bitch. Ha like the world didn't know already. I can't be someone else.. u guys hate her.. i can't be me.. i hate her... I can't win no one wins.. isn't there just somewhere where i can go where i'll never have the oppurtuntity to effect anyone.To alicia i'm sorry that i'm not always there... a real friend would be. To my parents who have so much faith in me i say... don't set yourself up for dissapointment. To my grandpa.. don't worry you're better off not remembering me anyways. To my sister i'm sorry for having to live with me. To D i'm sorry that i wasn;t what u needed when you needed it. To Linda i'm sorry that i treat you like crap.. truth is I really respect u a lot even though i never show it. To Shelley i'm sorry for grade eight... i'm sorry for words that hurt. To Jon i'm sorry for talking.... i'm sorry you have to listen. To Anyone and Everyone I'm sorry I'm here.

Perfect Song
Thursday, October 31, 2002

Perfect Song

Wrong Again by Martina McBride From the day we met You made me forget All my fears You knew just what to say And you kissed away All my tears I knew this time I had finally found Someone to build my life around Be a lover and a friend After all my heart had put me through I knew that it was safe with you What we had would never end... Wrong Again. Everybody swore They'd seen this before We'd be fine And you'd come to see That you still love me In good time And they said there's nothing you can do It's something that he's going through It happens to a lot of men And I told myself that they were right That you'd wake up and see the light And I just had to wait till then Wrong again... And it seemed to me the pain would last My chance for happiness had passed Nothing waited 'round the bend I was sure I'd never find someone To heal the damage you had done My poor heart would never mend Wrong again Wrong again

Some things never change.
Thursday, October 31, 2002

Some things never change.

Some things never change. The sun rises, the sun sets and the tears keep coming. You can love so many people in your life to find that not a single one of them felt the same way. Each and every one of them had some reason for disliking you or even hating and all this time you thought u could trust them. You gave your heart to them. All they did was squeeze it like a sponge until all the life was drained from it. Love hurts. Point blank, its the most painful thing i know. Break your ankle, get hit by a car, have cancer removed, watch someone die. They all hurt but for some crappy reason, unresponsive relationships leave their own kind of distinguishable pain. A bitter pain that takes over your thoughts. All you can think about is the the fact that someone doesn't want you. Someone doesn't need you. Someone doesn't love you.But you want,need and love someone and all you want is for them to feel the same way you do. Well somethings never change. You wake up crying, You fall asleep crying, Pain never leaves and happiness never stays. some things never change. Tomorrow i'll get up.. smile, pretend to be happy with things the way they are and face another day alone. Somethings will never change.

Something More...
Monday, October 28, 2002

Something More...

There has to be more to life than what I know. At least I really hope there is. Deadlines and headaches. Thanks to my great-ending ever joyful relationships with the opposite sex. It gets harder and harder to trust boys. They are like ticking time bombs in my life waiting to do dammage. I hate waiting. I hate unsurity. I just want something for real. Physical and emotional. Fun and serious. It's really a complicated thing. I just wanna know for sure what all these stupid feelings are trying to tell me. I wanna fall in love and know for sure. Is that so much to ask. But love isn't what i need to pray for. It is, like all things I sruggle with, out of my hands. I give my life to God. like matthew 6:33 states seek God first and all these things will be given to you as well. If i seek real love... and relationships that work and patience to deal with those that don't, than i first must give my life to God. Only after this will the rest of my life fall into place. I need to prioritize but when i get like this its hard. Old habits die hard. ( or not at all ) I let others rip my heart out on purpose. That way they never really get to know me. Now that certain people who shall remain nameless( d) ( well sorta nameless) are back and bombardin me with all these questions i wonder how i ever came to the conclusion that i was happy without him. I know how wrong what i just said is. but that's still the way i feel. Just lonely i guess. I need a hug... I miss what i felt with him , i haven't felt that for a long time.I long to be held safe by someone. for someone to protect me. I just need to be with someone right now. But there is no one. Maybe this is God's test of temptation. Maybe I'll make it. Maybe I'll fail. God bless always. My hope is you.

From this world...
Sunday, October 27, 2002

From this world...

Don't blink twice when u open your eyes someone you know could be gone. That's what seems like at least. Last night someone i knew left this world forever. It's a bigger loss for my sis and her friend. Last night someone special passed away in London hospital. He died of a sudden blood disorder. That's how fast it can happen. No one is different in God's eyes whether ur healthy or not when its ur time ur gone. From this world to the next. May he rest in peace. God save his soul. My heart and prayers go out to his family and all who feel sufferance over this untimely tragedy. I ask you please to pray for them. This will be a very hard time for them. Thank you.

Peace Times Three
Saturday, October 26, 2002

Peace Times Three

What is this world coming to? It seems as if it's fallin apart( or being torn apart!) Snipers pick off completely innocent strangers in the streets, gunning them to death....900 hostages taken in Moscow with 67 dead accounted for.... Bali, the Autralian ground Zero claims lives of hundreds. I can't open the newspaper of turn on the tv without being reminded that we live in a world with little peace. I urge you guys to pray for peace. Firstly peace with yourselves... that's where it starts. To be satisfied with you and to work at becoming the person you want to be. Secondly pray for Peace with God. we all have our horrible situations but they are not necessarily beefs with God. Let God in. Live for him. He gave his only son so we could live walk the lighted path. Don't walk in the darkness. Pray for peace with others. Be kind to everyone you meet for they are fighting ordeals unknown to you. It is only through selfless love that we learn the true meaning of peace. Love ultimately equals peace. Love yourself, Love God, and Love your fellow man. Pray for today and tomorrow. Pray for the future. Fight tragedy with hope. As God has promised someday this world will know peace. Like Jesus says in Peter... we will trade in our spears and swords for hammers and ploughs. We will work together not against each other... Pray for peace. Pray for the end of cruel suffering, terrorism and crime. Pray for the end of hate and discrimination.Pray for this world. Pray for peace.

Biggest Mistake
Thursday, October 17, 2002

Biggest Mistake

Have you ever done something for someone for old time's sake? WELL DON'T!! It's not always the right reason. Have you ever done something you knew was so wrong but felt so right.... so right that you'd do it again. It's like it was destiny to happen... the right place at the right time...purely by coincidence. It takes you by surprise. You aren't sure how you'll feel when you see them but you think you have everything under control. Love is a funny thing. It holds you a prisioner of yourself... a prisioner of your past, present, and future. You can't escape it and you can only pretend to ignore it. Is there someone teaching teenage boys how to be sweet talkers? Is there someone out there who says...."say this ... its exactly what she wants to hear"! Is there? Is there? those people are so fired! Why can't a guy just be himself ... thats all we really want as girls... for you guys to be upfront and truthful. We wanna know what we're getting into. I wanna the real you... I want the real you to be the one I fell in love with! No fake lines... no pretend persona... just you! It is so much easier than pretend! I don't wanna be a person who wakes up next to someone to find out I don't know who they are. I don't wanna end up with someone who pretends to be what they want to be. I wanna love someone real.

my last taste of love
Tuesday, October 15, 2002

my last taste of love

Bittersweet. Time changes people and places and feelings and you can never go back. Not ever. I was once in love with a boy. He was my best friend. We grew up together. Things didn't turn out too good. He thinks he can just reappear in my life whenever he's lonely but it doesn't work like that, I don't work like that. I just get caught up in the hugs then being held and then i'm back where i just came from.... only this time he has expectations. WELL NOT THIS TIME DAMMIT! I worked too hard to get over him and i'm not goin back. I once loved him but it's different now.... i don't love him .... i love what that love taught me. Confuzed yet? I know me too. But i know one thing.... i still hurt... but thats normal.... i'm so lonely but its better that way.... and i will love even if i don't want to. There isn't anything else he can take away from me that he doesn't already have and i have nothin to give him! he was a good friend... a lousy boyfriend and now a memory and thats that. No more!

When It Rains it Pours...
Sunday, October 13, 2002

When It Rains it Pours...

Someone really wise once told me that God never gives you more than you can handle. Well is God perfect.... does he make mistakes. I just can't deal with this right now. I went to visit my grandpa this morning... I don't know who that man is but he's not my grandfather. Yeah well as you all know I'm so very close to my grandfather and he doesn't even know my name. I took his guitar like always and played him moonlight music by beethoven but it still didn't make him remember me. He kept callin me Julie. I miss the man he used to be. I miss him so much. He has no quality of life now... I hope he doesn't have to spend a lot of time like this.... even if i'm sure I can't live without him. Well I don't make the rules... i only get fucked by them. Grandma has been diagnosed with cancer... she can go through with her surgery and hope her heart makes it through or she can let it spread and kill her.... what a choice! I can't do this.. I can't be here.. This can't be happening... No more!!!!!!!! I used to be happy but now no hope no more hope..... hope is only there to hide reality from you.. its there to shield you.. well no more... I can't do it. I can't hide and I can't live. The world just isn't what i thought it was.

There For Me
Thursday, October 10, 2002

There For Me

Well it's time for me to except a few things... Not everyone is gonna be there for me and not everyone is gonna wanna be either. Not everyone can be here at all. Someone I love so much is very sick... I can pray... I can cry... But I'm not sure i can live without them. I don't wanna think that somewhere on the other side of town is someone I love...... Someone i love that is very much alone, breathing the last of what life has in store for them. I wish that they weren't alone... I wish i weren't alone. I want to tell them how much i love them and how much i appreciate what they've done for me and everyone in there all too short time on earth. If anyone could do me a favour please pray for my grandfather. I'm not sure who's afraid more .... me or him. I played his guitar for him .... I cried. I can't believe this is happening... Why has everyone given up hope this time? Why everyone but me? Tears don't really accomplish anything but once they start u can't make them stop. Please pray for him. Please pray for me to find understanding and strength. this is gonna be hard. Love always.... Love above everything else.JO

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