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Give it all away
Sunday, October 6, 2002
Give it all away
That's it i'm givin my life away. Away to God. I'm tired of everything. I am in his hands. I know he's there. I trust him so much but i can't live my life right so maybe he can help me. If I totally give my life to Christ the rest is supposed to fall into place. Well here's hopin but really trusting. May Jo find where she belongs and the people she belongs with. I'm jumpin off this ledge so just let me fall.
Maybe I'll get somewhere this time. Why does everything have to be so hard. So many decisions, so many people affected, such a cruel lonely world. can i ask where the heck did love go? i've been lookin for it. It's gone. Well i'm lookin searchin for God maybe thats the answer... i guess u can't go wrong that way. Pain is everywhere but it is through pain and suffering i grow closer to God. I know it all part of God's plan for the greater good. God has given me strength for me pain and i will live on.. whether i'm fallin or not.
Not Always There
Wednesday, October 2, 2002
Not Always There
You know how when you're young and nieve you make those promises to be best friends forever. It's funny how hopeful we were. Nothin is like that anymore... Sure you can make connections with people but people just don't seem to care anymore. I like to think that everyone is goin' through somethin harder than that which I am. It keeps my perspective in check. Too bad it's kind of a depressing outlook. I guess I have a gift... the gift of reading people. It's great but not always. I'm tired of the pain. The pain I see others go through. I'm tired of my own personal pain. I know you. You are reading this and you are thinking. well i'm friends with jo but she doesn't really know me... there's so much about me she doesn't know. Whatever , think what you want. That time changes everything.. I know who I am but will you be the same person in a year. Do you know what you want, who will you look up to, where you belong? Do you know how much i'll remember you? Do you believe in yourself? I do. That's what makes this hurt so much. I feel so connected to you but you could care less. I'm so close to you. We were once kindred spirits. But now I don't know what we are. I don't think you do. I know one thing... I can't let the memories of you build a wall around my life again... I can't spend precious minutes thinking about you. I can't love. I refuse to love. But I love anyways... not because I want to but because i need to. Because love is the glue of life.
In a Restless World
Tuesday, October 1, 2002
In a Restless World
I hurt, but I'm happy, I'm depressed, so I cry, I lose the hope I had, want to curl up and die. I live each day in envy, of what I really need, I need to find a love, a love that I believe. It's not always what u see, or even what I say, don't believe the surface, my mask I wear today.Today I'm still me, Tomorrow You're still you, I can wish with all my heart, but the rest is up to you. I can run and I can hide,but there's no one to trust, should lose that stupid girl, thought it was love not lust. To wake up every morning, and know that you've been used, to know he's your not sorry, His stupid ego unbruised. Get lost in that feeling, see depth that isn't there, to spend your life with someone, who doesn't really care. Best friends to lovers, then love to hate, gambled lost it all, and now I know its way too late. Speak up for what you believe in, please hold your morals strong, be careful with your heart, find where it belongs. Please don't do as I did, save yourself the pain, my heart's forever shattered, It won't ever be the same. I guess I'll say in closing, follow your heart but don't get lost, don't mistreat another, you don't know what it will cost.
no more pain
Sunday, September 29, 2002
no more pain
"When I fall in Love it will be forever" yeah right! more like take forever. Yeah well Jo's just a little lonely right now. good and lonely. It just feels like there's no one there for me.We live in a world so full of pain... i wake up everyday and can't help but think "who's hurtin' now? sometimes it makes faith hard.... but i pray for those that r hurtin. But the pain will never die... i understand that now... that some pain is meant to last forever! "well when i give my heart it will be completely or i'll never give my heart". It took me awhile to learn this. what exactly is selflesss love... not many people love selflessly and unconitionally and it seems like if you do.... you'll only be persecuted for it. I give up. I just can't fix pain for others. Heck it seems like i'm not even allowed to love them anymore. well too bad dammit! i'm gonna love anyways whether u like me or not! i can feel ur pain.. time changes everything but one truth always stays the same.. love can make pain easier.love can make loneliness bearable... love can make life livable... sometimes its the only cure.
new poem, new outlook
Monday, September 16, 2002
new poem, new outlook
Over You.... You fear what u don't know, I guess u don't know me. I can deal with your avoidance, But don't understand the need. Your heart is so evasive, Your eyes no longer care. But everytime i close my eyes , My heart still sees u there. You can't predict the future, But you can outlive the past. It seems the good times fade away, Only painful memories last. I thought there was no escape, My life would never be the same. But with the help of Faith and Friends, I'm over you, i've changed.jo
Let it Rain!
Sunday, September 15, 2002
Let it Rain!
Well it did rain! We went to see Amanda Marshall last night! wh! it was awesome! I have bruises from the Himalaya smashing! The butterfly lives! hey Kendra whose toes left without them! Yg tonight! yay! But you love (insert hated item here)! You couldn't live without it! Locker 13.... Encore encore...Sunday morning after baby.... it really was.... i was so tired... my sis is driving me crazy... my parents too... "jo if u go to church don't u think u should go to one of our family's" ummmmmm ok well due to religiosly traumatic childhood..... NOOOOOOOOOOOO! you guys made religion rip me a part but i'm gonna let it put me back together. my way! that means that even though i love u guys i'm goin ta church next sun! I need to! I kinda wanna start experiencing God on my own. No more drama! no more fights over what church we go to. Who's catholic.... who's not.... I'm Christian... i believe in God... i trust in God. My faith is in God and he will guide me! My life, my beliefs , my religion, therefore my personal choice. I don't wanna upset my parents. i dont' wanna go to mass and make my father angry but i don't wanna go to centennial and make my mom and grandparents disown me! I just wanna worship God. is that too much to ask? i didn't think so but apparently. I'm so confused but i'll be okay! My parents just don't understand where my faith came from( they didn't give much guidance in that department!) and they don't understand what it does for me. I can wake up in the morning and face the day... i can be lonely without takin it out on myself... it makes me a better person... i'm gonna love no matter what so let it rain! jo
hey guys
Thursday, September 12, 2002
hey guys
whooo hooo! ( hey steve if ur readin this... sign my guestbook! ) there u go shel... i'm updatin r u happy. first in symphonic and jazz! oh yeah baby! i could happen to u.. sounds of silence. u say i can take u home ... where we can be alone! i love rock and roll! sing it! western fair here we come.... there better be concert tickets dammit! or someone is gonna be fired! i love life! everything is perfect now! Life goes on by leann rhymes.... download it... we'll ur at it u should download.... i live for you but rachel lampa( tee and shel) i miss u so much missa! come back! u know u miss us too! wheres a weekend when u need one! boo for work!
Friends are Friends Forever!
Monday, September 9, 2002
Friends are Friends Forever!
Wh! can u feel the rush of the stix! its so good! hurray for 1st in jazz band! yeah! Trombone till the death! Just let them notes ring... let 'em fly! It smells like burning! the ladder the ladder! dammit! here comes 2! the western fair is comin' Kendra's gonna try and get the intrigue! leather interior 4 ever.... I thought when summer was over my life would get quieter! i was wrong! ( me admit it! i know i'm scared too!) but you guys are a part of my life even more! goin out on school nights... who knew? even after school we have to promise not to lose touch! i wanna cry! life with out u guys! its not ever gonna be like it is now... is it? friends are friends forver and you guys are the best! no one can tell me any differnt! i love u guys forever! the best memories ever were made by you... my love forever!>jo
Found Cloud Nine!
Tuesday, September 3, 2002
Found Cloud Nine!
today wasn't too bad... who am i kiddin' it was awesome... Kelsey is back... Linda is back... i'm so happy that life has fixed itself... everything is perfectly clear and in perfect perspective... i never wanna lose the girl i am now! if she gets lost help her find her way back okay? Oh man everything is so perfect i'm afraid i'm gonna wake up to find out its a dream. I found where i need to be right now... i really missed you guys and seein all of you just made my day! I've never felt this way! Life is awesome.... but everything that goes up must come down right? well we'll see.not anytime soon i hope! i wanna be this happy for a long time! its just a frame of mind really... a wall i put up to keep the depression out... it seems to be holding though. good friends good faith... happiness... i can live for that... gotta live for somethin right.... new poems soon.. i beat my writers block... i'm used to writin sad poems so it took awhile to get into the groove of writtin' happy ones. but i'm workin on it. i gotta go... peace and love be with you always... in my prayers, >jo
Let My Guard Down
Monday, September 2, 2002
Let My Guard Down
This weekend was a blast... too bad you guys didn't come visit me! Matts had his uncles jeep!... it was awesome...I missed you guys though. We went shoppin and to the zoo, there were chipmunks everywhere. I can't believe how much I had missed him but never really realized. I let my guard down for one minute and what does he do?... he take advantage of it ( oh you can bet they'll be poem about this!) But we talked and i explained that i wasn't the girl I was two months ago and that i don't ever want to see that girl again... she causes too much pain. I woke up , saw the light, whatever you wanna call it. I explaimed how much i missed him but it was really his friendship i craved, nothing else... You guys it took forever but i finally learned how to make painful emotional relationships into lasting friendships! We went out for ice cream after that and he bought me a necklace at sea jewels... he called it "the begining of friendship" gift. I bought him a pair of sunglasses he looked good! He said he liked the new me... he said i was more open , more outgoing and that it took a lot of the pressure off! As if! The whole time i thought i was the one under pressure... we talked forever but he had to go sun night cuz he was goin to some family thing. he asked me to go but i didn't think it was a good idea. I'm just so happy that i finally made one of my crud relationships into an awesome friendship... it just means that all that pain wasn't for nothing. Yes! School starts tomorrow so i'll see all you guys there! yes thats awesome! love you all. have the sweetest of dreams>Jo
last weekend!
Friday, August 30, 2002
last weekend!
well pita peeps, summer is almost over.... i'm goin away this weekend but if ya wanna come up and visit me thats cool... we're havin a big weekend long party....matts is comin' I haven't seen him forever. You guys should come it will be fun. there's a dance saturday and sunday night... just call me on my cell to let me know ur comin' or if ya need directions. everyone's welcome. Whoo hooo! today was the last day of detailing, no more french fries... or eggs ( never egg a nice car! ) No more souped up POS's no jettas, no more bachelor rides... no more rashes... but alas no more paycheques :( ... have fun missa! It'll be fine. i'll miss u when i go back to school! I'm so happy to nite... i'm not sure what it is... wait happy markers right shelley! Missa don't breath in too much dressing or you'll end up like me... don't get me wrong its a good place.jk. I'm so ready to go back to school and finish it... i wanna leave this town..i wanna meet new people... i wanna know what life has in store for me. I'm tired of waiting. I'm gonna make stuff happen and yes shelley P.U.S.H. peace out. god bless... call me anytime, anywhere i wanna be there for u guys. you know i love you all! >Jo
What I've found.
Monday, August 26, 2002
What I've found.
Well over the last few days I've found so many wonderful things. I found the best co-worker , car-detailing team mate>Yeah for Shelley!I've worked and found that it is possible for me to save money! Whoooo-hoooo! I went to youth group and my faith in God was definitely refreshed. It feels so good. I wrote an e-mail to tim to thank him for being so awesome. I made new friends. They seem like good people. It gets harder and harder to meet good people. I've had my faith in humanity restored. I'm smiling without reason. I really and truly am happy. I've found exactly what I needed. True Faith and True Friends. Life is lookin' up and I owe it to my faith in God and the faith of my friends. Thank You. Life is good bring on the good times... school start soon yeah! I can't wait until I gat to see all you guys again. Until then...love always, Jo
altavista
google
open directory
Blinded
Got lost on a path
Can't learn from the past
Caught up in the moment
The one that never lasts.
You have known the pain
A broken heart can bare
But you get lost in your mind
You think think u see whats there.
You only see by choice
You block out the bad
You leave your past behind
Lose track of what you had.
You wanna see the world
From through his eyes
It is he that blinds you
Through all the tears you cry.
You can live for him
The lonely times are blinding
But know that you'll missed
The rest of life's not hiding
To wake up every day
Do nothing but follow your heart
Put trust in your love
God will do his part
Just don't live love in blindness
Just don't ignore the pain
Embrace the happy times
Love life just the same
Know you're not alone
That love's not always blessed
You'll always have your faith
Your weary heart must rest.
Faith
Everything is real,
You can't escape this place,
You can't out run these feelings,
His tears stream down your face.
You let go of all doubts,
And put your trust in him,
You waited for a miracle,
For your life to once begin.
You committed with your love,
Your trust is proof of faith,
You prayed for those you loved,
You pray these things can wait.
Life is like a book,
He writes the plot, your master plan,
You just have to believe,
Leave your heart inside his hand.
He'll never leave your side,
He cannot betray,
In faith you'll live forever,
If in his grace you'll stay.
Who else can make this promise,
Who else would take you in,
Where else would you go,
You'd be lost if you lost him.
For Eve...
You touched us all but not for long, I blink my eyes and now you're gone. Life isn't fair tears fill my head. This is too hard, why are you dead. We miss you so much,its hard to express, I miss your hope and your happiness. You played the game hard, but now it is done, I may seem like you lost but I know you won. Now you watch from the heavens above, I may have lost you but I still have your love.
Proved her Wrong
She thought he was a man of honour.
A guy who kept his word.
She thought that she knew him.
That's how she was assured.
She thought that she could trust him.
With the secrets of her soul.
She thought she understood him.
Thought she was in control.
She thought that he loved her.
God knows she loved him.
He went ahead and proved her wrong.
Her glowing heart grew dim.
She thought she really knew him.
But he proved her wrong.
This time there's no forgiveness.
She'd forgiven for too long.
But love is sometimes blinding.
Cause she'll forgive and then forget.
Then she'll wake up tommorrow to relive and regret.
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