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::bad things
Im not mad anymore. I havent been for a few days now Im just slowly getting over it and now Im at that point where thinking about it no longer gets me all pissed. So its good.
I went to see my mom a few days ago and the wifey was with me because he was on his way to work and he still had like an hour before he had to be in and my mom lives pretty close by. So we went in the city and went to see my mom and she was all happy to see us. I was happy too cuz I love my umma. :D and yes I am a momma's boy. Anyway we chill for a minute, makin small chit chat while my moms feeding me. FOOD! Yeah i had not eatten all day waiting for my umma's food. So while we're talkin and I'm eating, my stupid father gets home. I didnt plan on him being home because he usually isnt and low and behold there he is. He didnt even say hi to me when he saw me he just kinda stepped over me to say hi to my umma. Then he goes away for a while and we resume conversation. Is all good, nothing upsetting yet.
Then of course, my father gets back and one thing led to another and of course, we got into a screaming match. Its why me and him can never be in the same room together anymore, we always fight. So Im fighting with him and there's like this thing in my weak brain thats like caveman where if my wifey gets attacked I turn into this rabid guard dog on whoever it is. My father had always said fucked up shit about me, all of it to my face and I always took it because I didnt care. Anytime he ever said anything about my wifey was usually when he would bring him up in the arguement and he wouldnt say anything bad persay, just like oh it's his fault and leave it at that because he rather attack me an I was fine with that.
Not this time though. he pulled no punches when it came to attacking my wifey, who was right there with me. My wifey who's too polite, shy and soft spoken to eva DARE say anythin back to an adult, took the insults, one right after the other, with his head hangin an I fuckin lost it. I jus snapped, caveman brain took over and I jus shoved my father. Hard enough to make him fall, almost. Wish he had the bastard. He was shocked, so was my umma but i was at that point, jus blind with rage. then he had the fuckin nerve to open palm slap in the face, tellin me I had no right to shove him cuz he was my father and this and that. Me still bein pissed and now more then before, smacked him back, tellin him he would neva eva say anythin bad about my wifey again. he was lucky i jus shoved him not jus straight up fuckin killed him. I slammed guys to the ground face first for less then what he said so i was lettin him off easy. He asked me if that was a threat against his life an I said fuck yeah! Cuz I was seriously pissed. He called the cops on me. Could have gotten charged with aggravated assult but my umma wouldnt let him press charges. I still taken away dont get me wrong. My umma also paid my bail an my wifey waited around for me the entire time. When my father said he was callin five O i stayed right there. I was like fuckin let em come, i dont give a fuck. So I got arrested the same night. got out the same night too but like hours later. My father said he neva wanted to see me again an I jus shrugged and said i dont give a fuck if he would die tomorrow. I'd stomp on his grave jus to make damn sure he's down there. fuck him. I dont give a fuck about him anymore. he went too fuckin far.
So yeah good reason to be pissed for days. My umma said she was sorry about everythin but I tol her not to be since its not her fault she married such a ignorant, homophobic dick. So...yah...Im better now. Aite jus wanted to do the quick update thing. KP, I'm goin to your apatoo. Wifey's not home an Im bored an Woo's at work.
i apologize for sunnie's foul mood. hes still not in a better mood today so i think hes just...um. moody? well whatever. best to let him cool off.
i wrote to my ex girlfriend for the first time in what? 2 or so years? she wrote me another email and somethings she said i couldnt ignore anymore i had to write back. i wasnt sure about the whole thing after that anymore. i felt...relieved but then i felt like sad while i was writing it because i had to rehash all these old feelings i wish i could just shut off. i guess in a sense i fell too hard and too fast since i was also younger then. granted not much younger, but younger still. i didnt feel any better or worse after replying. i just felt like...okay i did something and now im not sure of the outcome. i made it clear that there would be no more us, because in some sense i guess she broke my sense of trust. she didnt do anything to make me think she like went behind my back and did stuff though at first i thought that was the reason she broke up with me. acually to this day im not really sure why she did. if it was the distance, i really really hope it wasnt that because that was an issue to be resolved by the end of that month. for the longest time i thought she found someone else and just couldnt tell me so i didnt want to hear anything she had to say, but then when i confirmed it to myself that it wasnt someone else then it just left that other, ugly glaring fact. it was me. i did something, said something, didnt do something or say something that made her want to not be with me anymore. like i said i never really figured it out. im just so numb to the whole process now that im just going in circles with the issue.
she did say that maybe this would bring closure on both our parts. maybe thats what i need. maybe thats why i cant really go on with maddie. but something that was brought to mind were two things. one i will always love my ex, no matter the time, distance, past present future i will always love her. i will love her because shes my first great, true love. shes the one i wanted to marry the one that "got away". shes the reason people like me make sad love songs about loves lost. shes that to me. shes gonna hold that spot in my heart forever and ever until the earth dries up. though whatever we had, is over now and it hurts so much to say it and actually realize it for real since its staring me in the face, i feel better for having said it. the other thing is that maddie, ever patient with me, so sweet and god knows she doesnt have to sit around and wait for me like im some great catch, she does. she doesnt have to and she does. though her friends tell her move on get someone else hes still hung up on his ex, she will wait its why this break apart was stated in the first place. she cares enough to give me the room i need but is selfish in her own way to not cut me loose. im glad shes selfish. maddies gonna make me happy i can feel it now. no more doubts floating in my head.
maybe now i can not be the one sad love songs are written about.
Man you knoe what I love? I love when people that don't fuckin knoe you try to give you advice. Yeaah thas the fuckin best man.
My head hurts so fuckin bad an granted bein online rite now is probably not the best shit for it. Plus right now all I wanna do is fuckin kill the next person that's not my wifey that asks me what's wrong in an overly sweet sappy voice. Im in jus the worse mood ever rite now i cant even begin to say where it started. and really stupid shit like that moron that keep stalkin lez on her blog, jus kinna adds to the pile. I wanna kill that little son of a bitch. of course you can talk big an call people names online cuz u think they cant get to you. I may be dumb as shit but luckily i got people that aren't. keep fuckin with her motherfucker, see if i dont find out where the fuck you are. I got nothin but time, money and ways of thinkin of killin both.
I nearly got into a fist fight today when i was hangin with woo. he somehow managed to drag me outside in the godforsaken cold an I stupidly went. I now want to kill him too. He jus had to do some stuff an he goes yo come with me man. Im like fuck no its cold. He begs. i cave i go an nearly die. When we got back to his place, I was jus already cranky from havin been walkin around in the fuckin cold for like an 2 hours an I jus wanted to get upstairs to woo's place. As we goin in the buildin, some of woo's friends are there. Usually im cool with Woo's people i got no probs with them. But this 1 guy. This one guy that jus loooooooooveeeeessssss to fuck with me but do it in the most discreet way possible when he thinks i cant hear him. Yo, I know what I am, I know, i dont need some fuckin broke ass, ALONE, still in Queens when he was suppost to be big shit livin with his umma an appa workin at a fuckin shoprite, ugly motherfucker tellin me bout myself, like i dont fuckin know, like I fuckin missed the meetin on me an shit. He was sayin sum real sneaky, underhanded shit an woo jus kept glarin at him cuz actually hes not really friends with woo personally he's a friend of a friends kina deal. You knoe, the one guy no ones how he got there cuz he jus invited himself along? yeah that guy. Thas who this motherfucker is. We had beef way back in good ol HS and it neva died. So he's sayin sum shit to his friend an his friend is smart enough not to remark/laugh/look at me so I finally loose it an im jus like say it to my face you fuckin bitch! i go off, he goes off, i slam him against the wall behind him an he shoved me back. Woo got in the middle of it an reminded me that i shouldnt waste the time or effort on sum1 like him. Im jus too pissed off at that point an i continue to tell that motherfucker about HIMself cuz he obviously missed the meeting. No one wants you here, you aint friends but with 1 person in the group, an if you keep poppin shit about me, Im gonna put my brand new fuckin timberland up your ass cuz I can afford to get another pair. The guy goes on to tell me i dont knoe what im talkin about an goes me a queer.
A Q U E E R
how fuckin retarded is that?????? I jus kinda stand there like amazed that he would think thas an insult considerin that um, DUH and two, thas not a fuckin insult. I dont see it as one. So I jus laughed in his face an told him he was a fuckin joke, his whole life was a joke an he should have been aborted cuz even his mom knew he was gonna be a joke but then again thas why she prolly had him just to laugh at the failer he is. he went at me, I snapped back, Woo got mad an tol the guy who brought him there to leave. I tell him not to bother an I jus leave. My head was already killin me at that point.
i hate every fuckin body. the first person to try an console me on that fuckin tag board will get reemed the fuck out.
Im puttin Hyde on an Im layin on the couch to get a massage. Wifey jus asked if i wanted one an YEAAAAAAAH I DO. Neva had i wanted one as badly as now.
look at that we haven't blogged in a while. okay so i haven't blogged in a while i know. been busy. work and stuff.
so stuff with maddie has been put on hold. we had a long, long talk a days ago. she recently found out the depths and levels that i loved my ex in and she asked me if i still felt that way. i told her to some extent yes but i know i cant hold those feelings forever because me and my ex will never get back together so i know i have to let them go but i cant help but still love her. maddie understood and said she felt sad that her timing was so off. i told her it wasnt off because i was glad i was with her and shes treating me good so far. anyway the conversation went on for hours and finally we decided to stay together but give each other some time and space apart. when it feels right we'll go back to each other. im already missing her but i know that i cant go back yet. its too soon. its only been a few days. im not overly sad about the whole thing, i know its for the best and besides, we didn't break up and thats good. im not even feeling that sad actually. im just glad maddie and i came to some understanding.
so anyway, no more girlfriend talk. i hung out with sunnie the other day because he's lonely now that mikey went back to school and he's all alone for hours. he had to show me his "mistress". sunnie you are the biggest fanboi ever. he recently bought hyde's new CD and hes been listening to it all day every day since he got it, on repeat/shuffle. yeah im starting to learn all the words myself. thats how many times i heard it. mikey recently found out about sunnie and how he wants to run away with hyde and he just sorta pet sunnie on the head and walked away. he said it was cute that sunnie has a big crush on someone. i think its funny because sunnie is way too...um...whats the word..well he's too something to get all fanboi like. i wanna say old but he's not too old to get crushes...i need a word. i'll think of it later. so hyde and lez were having a big arguement over who likes hyde more. lez one up-ed him by telling him she got the hyde calander. sunnie said he got the cd but lez already had a copy. its really funny listening to them argue. :D
i nearly took my finger off at work today. i was using a box cutter to open up a box and it slipped as i was setting it down and i dunno i stupidly tried catching it before it hit the ground and grabbed the blade instead. nearly lopped off the finger. that hurt. so sunnie now that its like 20 below zero im gonna stop by your place. im hungry too. hm. maybe we should eat. hye sung wont be home for a while...i guess i can always eat twice :D
damn it was 4 days ago and my head STILL hurts. Well not for gettin totally wasted or nutthin...I guess I should explain. First and foremost,
Happy new year everyone.
Now to explain on why my head hurts. New Years Eve in NYC is one of the biggest deals around. Not that I care about a stupid ball fallin or nuttin, it's just a great time of year to get totally wasted in cause of "celebration". So havin convinced Hye Sung to finally stop bein such a dick and come to my boy Woo's party, he finally broke in an we all went. Woo an him neva got along. Actually Woo was outcasted in high school cuz Woo an Hye Sung had a tiff an there for he was banished. They haven't spoken since then. Till now newayz. So we went to the party. Maaad people I haven't seen in forever where there. Looots of girls wit broke hearts and bitter memories were there too lookin out for every.single.one of mah boys. HAHAHAHAH!!!!! Except KP. But oooooooh yeeeeeeeeah the lot of them had girls PISSED OFF at them the whole nite. Most girls couldn't even stand lookin at my boys and everytime they did they were like DEATH GLARE. HAHAHAHHAHAH!!! I must laugh. I went with mah wifey <3 who I promised I would be good.
That din last long. By 10 that night I was already half way drunk. So was almost everyone else except David (who's buddhist and there for seekin spiritual enlightement. At least thas what he says) Chak Hae (whos a recoverin alcoholic) annnnd Mikey (who jus dont like to drink) meanwhile, the rest of us got totally fuckin shitfaced drunk, along with Woo an a couple of other people there. Things get blurry from here on in. I remember watchin KP (total lightweight HAHAHA) fall asleep almost after what his first or second beer, riiiight on Hye Sung's lap and Hye Sung, after gettin totally smashed, did not allow anyone within a 5 foot area of KP, who was now snuggled up on his lap, dead asleep. I remember Sun Hae fallin out a chair when he attempted to get up for another drink an thas when HE declared he was drunk. way to state the obvious annd Chun Hae celebrating that he was married an he's gonna be a daddy soon. The rest of us tol him it was nutthin to celebrate. We are so evil. HAHAHHA!!
New Years came, the count down confused me at first cuz I was like what the fuk is everyone countin? Then I was like oh yeah new years. I was really piss drunk at that point. Wifey an me shared a tender moment cuz I was jus real happy to go by yet another year wit my one an onlee <3 <3 aand then i continued gettin drunk with whoever was standin which was Chun Hae, Sun Hae, Hye Sung and Woo. Around two, wifey said it was time to go but I wasn't ready to go. He said I had enough in which I shouted THERES NO SUCH THING AS ENOUGH! In which wifey tol me that that proved his point an he dragged me out. As we were leavin the apartment, outside on the stoop, since I was so wasted, I thought I set my foot down on the step, turns out I didnt an sliiiiiid all the way down some four or five steps, slammin my head against 1 of the steps. That fukin huuuurt. So thas why my head still hurts.
Ah yo Marcus...flattered but spoken for. My better half would castrate me if I even thought about takin you up on that. But thanks.
I got fans. =)
-dies-
cant blog long, must leave soon but i have to say this
FRENCH VANILLA COOL WHIP.
i can so die happily now. really i can. french vanilla. god that is the sexiest thing i ever heard of. i am very very happy. i havent been this happy since chocolate cool whip.
FRENCH VANILLA.
can anyone comprehend that aside from me? okay i have to go.
HOLLA BACK SUNNIE
YAaAAaAAaAaAAaY iz the holidays!
I haaaaaaate christmas. Uh huh yeh. how'd such a holy holiday turn into a big fat man in red breakin an entry with glorified deers an to head to the mall to spend as much money as you can for the big Christmas sale? I dun get that. Nope no i dont. But HA HA its okay because I bought into it too. I bought my wifey a preeeesent.
We headin to a party soon. like in a hr or so. Wifeys home. sleepin. Just had sex. HA HA! Thas my Christmas present. No really. No im playin. Wifey an i exchanged gifts now cuz we wont be able to 2morrow. He promised me a whole day in bed so I WILL NOT be vertical tomorrow. I am very happy. But wifey got me some clothes, all which i love cuz wifey knoes mah style. He got me these awesome fukin pants with pockets inside of pockets and POCKETS. I like pockets. he also got me these fun leather pants. Apparently he liked my Hyde costume too. FYI my hair is still black. He got me this sleeveless white button down shirt too annnnnd a red hoodie and a kick ass wrist cuff. my wifey dresses me. Oh yes he does.
So while i spent all that time panicking before, taking suggestions, i asked my mom what i should get my wifey. Momma said to get him sumthin from the heart which doesnt help because they don't SELL that somewhere. i got all confused and asked my newlywed friends what the hell that meant. Lisa, after calling me stupid, said i should get him something that shows I care and love him. even if its not bought. okay yeah I have no creativity skills. about as creative i got once was when I conned KP into singing a song for my wifey, that I dedicated. but i gave it a try an spent most of last night from say...oh....9 at night till 5 this mornin lookin for the right thing to write. so KP, Hye Sung, Chun Hae, David, Chak Hae and Sun Hae all came over to KP and Hye Sung's place to help me write something cuz I'm so unromantic.
I learned that my boys except 2 of them are also unromantic. I had to call a chick so I called Minni noona and she came over and then we all went through poem books she brought over and songs and sappy chick flicks for good quotes and stuff. we also broke onto the net lookin for lyric translation to all my fav Hyde songs. YEAH. I jus wanna say i am a sad and sorry example of the romantic kind. All my boys except KP and David were totally useless because they all thought everything was too sappy and mushy and sentimental. Minni noona helped, she told me what was nice, not too sappy and shit. By five that morning we had finally complied a nice 4 page letter. yeah a LETTER. i am so sad and sorry. I felt real cheap jus givin him a letter so i bought some flowers too :D flowers are nice. i always give wifey flowers.
The gift exchange went as following. I got boxes and as I thought in my head, god I am never getting laid again with such a shitty present, i gave it to him. wifey read it and loved it. which is why we had sex. :D I am such a good man. Wifey thought it was the sweetest thing i had eva done. I have to agree usually im just horrible to be with. Wifey loves me.
SO..now we're off to a party and I wanna say Merry Christmas to everyone readin, an thanks. :D
HOLLA BACK KP
we had the tag board for jus a day or so an everyone is already taggin. i feel loved :D
so...yeah its true my hyung got married! it was nice. too bad they cant afford a real honeymoon though. not that they care. the baby is due soon so...you know. man another baby around us. minni noona's baby is like 2 about to be 3 and now chun hae is gonna be a father. i cant wait to be a dad. jus hope to find the right girl. yeeeeeeeeeah! i want kids man! that sounds weird, but its not comin from me. hehehe
went to work. its craaazzzy. people goin mad with x-mas shoppin. good thing i got most of mine done already. shoppin is not fun when you have to get something for someone an ur not sure what theyd like. its hard gettin hye sung somethin. his was the hardest. everyone else was like yeah okay you get this an this and this. la la la whatever. maddie was easy too. but when it came to hye sung i jus didnt know what to get. that took me up until today to get. i went out with sunnie today lookin for a present for mikey because he waited till now to get something. he said he didn't wait he didnt know what to get but im not buying that. sunnie is the king of procrastinators. so we went out an i was lookin for hye sungs present too. i finally got him something but sunnie came up empty again.
which means i gotta go back out an look for something tomorrow with him. again. -sigh- i swear sunnie you do this on purpose.
aiiite...im exhausted. and sunnie i think you should get mikey something he doesn't have. stop with the jewelry already. or ask your mom. thas as much suggestion i can give you. you already shot down all my other ideas. i need sleep, my feet hurt.
I neglected the egg thing! Mah b yo. Shits been off the hook lately. It had me runnin in circles.
Aite, after thanksgiving, shit was cool for a minute and then like, one day, Chun Hae and Lisa were like...I think we gonna get married. Real random and out of the bloo. I was like WHAT THE FUCK??? It had me trippin. So KP was all fukin thrown for a loop...well we all were. So Minni was like okay but we buy presents!
FUCK MAN! I got enough shit to worry about buyin 6 boyz presents and finding something for my wifey! I still dont knoe wut to get mah wifey. IM DYIN. Im open to ideas now that we finally got a taggie thing.
Well we got one cuz KP was cryin bout it earlier, sayin he had to redirect his AA page here an theres no way to drop a line since he dont make his addy public an wut not. Aish. So aite...whatelse...rite, so I had to go buya wedding gift. who the fuk knoes how to buy a weddin gift? Not I. I learned the hard way after goin in circles in the city earlier in the month tryin to find a gift for a soon to be married couple. THEN it fuckin snowed, which shut me down for the day. on the upside, i got laid. so it was not all bad. but then it wuz like...shit man.
Chun Hae an Lisa got married the 15th. simple quick court weddin an what not but its legal. We were all there, lisa dressed in white despite the fatc that she had a big ol belly. She looked pretti though.
Wifey finished with schooooool im gettin laaaaid. Im insanely happi with that. Aite now that shits done an Im all fuckin tired, I will go. KP can blog soon enough. Lezzie we need another layout. Put Hyde up again.
HOLLA BACK KP.
happy thanksgiving everyone!!!!!
thanksgiving is the only time of year that im actually full. this year we had dinner at minni noonas apartment. she an jinu (who got big!!!) were waiting for us. it was me, hye sung, chak hae, yeah my noona actually invited chak hae over though the last time they saw each other it almost came to blows, david, sun hae, chun hae, sunnie, mike and lisa. she didnt invite maddie but thats okay because maddie had stuff with her own family. anyway we all went to minni noonas place an helped set the table and poured wine and juice an whatnot. david doesn't drink. he's all buddist and "my body is a temple" nothing unnatural goes into his body and so forth. anyway the rest of us had one glass of wine, except for chak hae, whos a former alcoholic so he had juice with jinu (david had water juice is not natural) and then we ate!
FOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!
:D :D :D :D lets see i had lots turkey, lots of veggies, mashed potatoes swimming in gravey, yams, apple and pumpkin pie with LOTS of cool whip, stuffing, salad, more turkey with stuffing, cranberry sauce and some peach cobbler thing with cool whip. man i was actually stuffed by the time i finished. i felt happy though :D we all talked a lot too. we commented on lisa being huge who started giving me a run for my money when she started eatin just as much as me! i was glad to have everyone under 1 roof again, talkin an laughing ad drinkin like before. sunnie was a little upset he couldnt see his mom but he rather not because everytime he an his dad get together in the same room they end up fighting. last year sunnie threw his plate at him and stormed out of the house so...that was the last time he attempted getting accepted by his dad.
minni was very hospitable to everyone, even chak hae. they decided to leave stuff in the past because chak hae was a worse person back then, so they decided to try to be friends now. jinu took a liking to him. jinu is SO CUTE. hes walking around an he does this really cute wuz up thing that he saw on TV I guess. he doesnt like anyone touching his hair either which made me laugh so hard because minni tried to pick some lint out of it an he freaked out. hahahah that kid is so cute. he makes me think of my son back in korea. :D david barely ate, again with his whole my body is a temple thing. he had some salad though. hye sung is slowly going back to himself but everyone says hes a little more mellow about things now. sun hae was all tired because he an chak hae had gone out the night before to party. then everyone teased me about maddie. minni then said she didnt invite her because she didnt know her well enough to invite her to her house like that. but sunnie said she didnt know lisa like that either an then he got smacked on the head. i understand that my noona is overprotective so i didnt take offense to it. i still had lots of fun.
i dont remember my birthday. i had 5 beers and passed out. im such a light weight -o- sunnie said he and hye sung carried me home after dragging me to a cab and then he and hye sung pulled me upstairs. i was sober enough to walk but too drunk to actually walk correctly. damn im a lightweight. i dont actually remember anything after getting my third or so beer. after a while i just started bobbing my head to the music with sunnie, chun hae, sun hae and hye sung. yeah...i guess i had fun. that was sunnies intended goal by the way, just to get my piss drunk. haahah well i had fun. those been my days. now...time to get some sleep. im full and tired.
HOLLA BACK SUNNIE
Yaaaah yo. Iz KP's birthday up in this shiet. Thas mah boi, now at 22. Damn yo u gettin up there with ur hyungs. HAAHHAH nah yo, I tease cuz I love.
We bout to be out in a few. Gonna take KP to go get SHIT FACED DRUNK. Yah that shouldn't take too long knowin how KP iz.
Is been a minute since we updated so i'll fill in whoevers readin about life recently. Aite, lets see. Okay well Mad an KP still workin shit out. Mad says she doesnt know about KP but she's willin to give him a try, no matter what it brings. Thas gonna be interestin. We all got freaked out by hye sung to the point where we could take no more. the drawin line was when minni noona said somethin smart an he ignored it. he an minni noona have always ALWAYS battled. KP finally realized it (he came out of denial XD) and we asked hye sung to stop doin what he was doin. in other words, we like our fuckin psycho hye sung. its what made him our hyung to begin with. so fuck him changin! Fuck that yo!
Aite...i should be gettin ready. Wifey jus got home an Im about to get me some sex before i go out.
HOLLA BACK KP
50 questions and answers
I feel myself falling apart at the seams already. my relationship with maddie is almost a month old and already i find myself sitting on the very edge of fear. im scared maddie will see what a coward i am underneath my bright mask. im scared she'll see my scars and wonder why. or that she'll wonder why im a fuckin psycho that tried to off himself but failed at it because im a fucking failure at everything, even getting rid of myself. i know somewhere in the depths of my mind that maddie wont understand me right away, if at all. shell either be scared of me or disgusted with me. and if shes scared of me she'll try her best to handle me well only making matters worse when she realizes she cant just jog me out of my "bad mood". many people cant handle me. hell some of my own hyungs rather avoid me when im down all together because they cant deal with me. maddie can't handle me. ive been told im too much sometimes. im basically a burden.
i also had a bomb dropped on me the other night. i couldnt sleep thinking about this and hye sung was still awake too. so i told him as we tried to sleep and i asked him to tell me what do or what to say and he told me to think of it myself because he couldnt always tell me what to do. i felt like someone pulled the ground from under me. i dont know what to do if the situation should arrive. i know i shouldnt worry about it until much later, because everything is going okay...well was. i saw maddie this afternoon and i was still in shock from hye sung basically telling me i was on my own and she didnt get what was wrong with me. i couldnt really explain it so its not her fault entierly she didnt get it but what i told her should have been enough since i explained that hye sung is basically my other half and that he told me i was on my own now. i said that and she didnt get when i was down. she didnt understand. that scared me more when i realized that i could tell her everything and she still wouldnt get it. she said to me that maybe it was something i should try once and if anythign, if it doesnt work to go back to hye sung and explain to him what happened. that made me feel sort of better because she was giving sound advice but it still made me want to just lie and say i was okay so she wouldnt see how i jus wanted to be left alone.
its not her fault shes totally ignorant of my dark side. but its not something i care to share either. i cant explain how i broke down in korea and i was madly in love with my ex, so much so that i called her the one. i swore i was going to marry her, so much so i told my halmunni, something i never did with any one else.
im not going back into that whole thing. right now worry plauges me and lezzie had good points. so no lezzie you didnt hurt my feelings. u jus made me open my eyes to the entire picture.
i have fear and doubt this will not work out.
HOLLA BACK SUNNIE
50 questions and answers
1. What's one thing you wish you could do but can't?: Fuck Hyde
i luv surveies. i get to talk about myself. :D
Pick up the nearest book and write a sentence at random from it: I don’t have anything close to me
Kay one more
Name Four Bad Habits You Have:
Name Four Things That You Wish You Had:
Name Four Scents You Love:
Name Four Things You'd Never Wear:
Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now:
Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought:
Name Four Bands/Groups You Like:
Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
Last Song You Sang?
Last Person You Hugged?
Last Thing You Laughed At?
Last Time You Cried?
What's In Your CD Player?
What Color Socks Are You Wearing?
What's Under Your Bed?
What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
5 to 5
Current Hair?
Current Clothes?
Last CD You Bought?
Favorite Place To Be?
Least Favorite Place?
One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To:
Where Would You Like To Go?
Aite lied ONE more then thas it I swear
A - Act your age: Nah
Aite...thas it. i got nuthin to blog about other then havin my pic taken 50 kajillion times. lots of girls looked at me. I was Hyde so hell fuckin yeah I got looked at. -nods- KP looked more like a fallen angel then death. He looked too pretty, his face all made up cuz Minni noona hooked him up. I hugged him a lot :D Madd didnt mind cuz she thought it was cute too. She was like a fuckin serial killer victim hahah. But it was fuckin cool. We then went to Hye Sung an KP's place an had a couple of drinks. It was also the first time I saw Hye Sung NOT drink. Well he really cant. the meds he's on fuck up everything in his system which is why he sleeps so much now and why his moods have shifted dramtically from what we're all use to. Hye sung use to be real moody and pissed off but now hes more mellow and happy which jus scares the fuckin hell out of me. he wasnt dressed up but he came with us and he laughed at me when I realized I couldnt sit in my fuckin tight ass pants. Never again will I wear anything that hugs my package more then my own hand. I also saw Kozi, who I havent seen in fuckin forever. He looked like that one guy, Miyavi? Well he looks like his normally but now he was dressed up as him from some look...with silver hair? I unno. Kozi looked good. He only hung out with me for a few cuz he was with his own friends.
Recently its jus been wifey goin to work an school, leavin me on my own. I miss my wifey. :( but last weekend, after Halloween we had sex cuz thats jus fuckin great. I missed mah wifey. But this weekend looks like shit cuz hes got work. Is cool though im heading out with Woo. He promised to make me dinner. Which is again jus fuckin great. Aiite i blogged long enough. An talked about myself. so I guess Im done.
HOLLA BACK KP
yay! it halloween! thats so great. sunnie invited me to go to the parade in manhattan today and i said okay. i saw what sunnie did to himself and it freaked me out
his hair is black. o.o sunnies hair hasnt been black since like...the day he was born. its so weird. but he did it. its mostly for his costume. hes going as hyde that guy on the blog. he dragged me out today to go shopping for some wild looking leather pants that had a wide belt with chains or straps or something hanging from them and also a pair of boots. he decided to go with a white fitted shirt since its unusually warm today. we're stopping by minni noonas place later so we could both get some make up done since i bought it with her yesterday. thats a story in itself though. first sunnies costume. he tried on the pants already an he cant sit in them which is so funny. :D then he showed me the earring he got the other day. i got 2 there so i wasnt too impressed. hahahaha.
as for me im going as death. how ironic. all black, cape with a hood. i need to get my eyes and nails done though. okay thats the next story. yesterday after i had work, i went to see minni noona and she had to go shopping for jinu who she decided to dress up as a pimp. yeah thats my noona for you. she needed to find a nice enough hat and feather though. so we went to a couple of halloween stores in the city an i got my idea for death since i didnt get a costume yet cuz sunnie told me all last minute. so i bought the cape and hood an noona said to not go as the stereotype death, white face black eyes thing to resemble a skull cuz its corny. she took me to buy some actual eye make up an black nail polish. nothing of which im not use to seeing. she said she would put it on for me today so i have to go there later with sunnie once he wakes up and watches ricki lake.
Maddie did my nails for me the other day but i stupidly chipped one trying to open a can the other day so that pisses me off. now i have to get them done again. maddie is coming with us which is okay with everyone. iw as worried for a minute everyone would be pissed off and whutnot but theyre cool with it. maddies coming along as my victim which is cool cuz shes gonna splatter herself in blood and pale her face down a lot. yeah my girlfriend is so creative :) so with sunnie the rock star over there death and his victim we're going over to the parade. noona said she would stop by after she gets someone to take care of jinu for her. hye sung is also coming. and sunnie dont say that!!! hye sung is so normal! hes always been! yeah hes coming too im tryin to convince him to dress up too but hes sorta considering it. david is going too but hes gonna meet up with us later after he gets off work. i think hes dressin up i dunno.
aiiite lets see i got half an hour before sunnie is up and another hour before his show is done and we go to minni's place then head to manhattan. hye sung is at work and maddie should be getting off soon. i guess ill go chill with her for a minute. :D happy halloween everyone!
HOLLA BACK SUNNIE
Man we lost fuckin entries! That sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck man.
Is cool not much has been happenin since. Goin to the NYC halloween parade cuz I am bored. Plus wifeys gonna be workin either school or actual and I don't feel like bein home. So woo is gonan swing by, we're gonna get dressed up slightly an go to the parade. Cool man Imma dress up. I need some skin tight pants though. Hm...newayz aside from that i saw Hye Sung the other day. Yay hes actin more and more like an actual person everyday! Hes startin to scare me actually. i neva eva in my whole life have seen Hye Sung act normal. hes ALWAYS been totally insane so...seein him be all normal an shit is freakin me out. Im not alone ont hat though. David, Chun Hae and Minni noona are all freaked bout it too. Is not normal for Hye Sung to be normal. Is kinda scarin me.
So KP's got himself a new wifey which is still cute to me. She needs to lay him and now. That shit still aint cute KP!!! Damn man....I need to stop smokin. My throat is gettin all kinds of raspy.
I got another hole in my ear cuz I'm stupid when I'm bored. Last weds. I think Woo an me where chillen on my stoop outside an Woo was like we should do something. Im like I should get 'nother tattoo cuz...i kina want one. But I didnt have much of a design or the scratch to actually get it so i jus went in an got another hole in my ear. Is at the top, nothin big I got a nice little dimond thing in it. is not too bad. Not as bad as KP with his 7 holes. I only got 5. okay 6 wit the new one. 7 if you count the tongue. 8 if you count the belly button. KP still got more on me. Rite so after that i smoked some more with Woo cuz I didnt want to head home yet. we ate cuz Woo said I was gettng "disgusting" when it came to my weight, which I almost slammed his head on a table for cuz i dun like bein disgustin. Im a little thin aite but wifey's been busy an that means no food. i miss my wifey :(
Aite is 11.30 or so...KP should be home by now. Imma call him an see if he wants to go to the parade on friday. yeeeah. i gots another hole in my ear. Im out.
HOLLA BACK KP
so right. i have a girlfriend. im still not really over the offical shock. so i guess i should explain to my reader (ha ha i know its one) how maddie an me got together. see maddie was a waiteress at this place me an amber use to have lunch. I went there a little while ago and maddie started talkin to me because i noticed she looked korean but wasn't really there. maddie was really sweet. she made me blush which isn't hard to do at all. soon we jus started talking and one thing led to another an i started to ask her to date me, she finished it up and here we are.
sunnie met her already. he thought she was really cute an he embarrassed me. thanks sunnie. .. she also met mikey for a minute before mikey went to work. at least sunnie made her laugh a lot though he jus embarrassed the hell out of me. its sunnie's way. im use to my hyung saying things like "my dick's so hard i could drive a nail through a piece of wood" and other such colorful phrases. maddie thought he was hilirious. also thanks to my hyungs big mouth, all my OTHER hyungs know. of course they wanted to meet her too. yesterday chun hae hyung and lisa all met maddie. chun hae was really nice to her which iw as glad. david met her too. then hye sung met her. i was sorta worried about maddie meeting hye sung, mostly because i had to break it down to her that me and my parents aren't close but taking a girl to meet hye sung is like taking her to meet your folks. but hye sung met her an he was civil. he didnt really talk much to her much but thas okay because he rarely talks to anyone much outside of our circle. maddie was a little nervous but i told her as long as she didn't bother him everything was o k a y. everything was okay. THEN she met my minni noona. that was so nerve racking. minni noona is not fond of girls being around me for the moment. shes still all pissed off and angry like over my last ex so the last thing she wanted to see was me with a girlfriend. she made maddie very uncomfortable and she looked down at her a lot. that made me sad. then noona said to maddie that she was going to acept this but if she hurt me, she was gonna break maddie's knee. which made go X.x because im not really sure if my noona was joking or not. my noona is gangsta.
There's still sun hae, and chak hae that maddie has to meet. she was real cool about meeting my hyungs. i was glad they took to her. david said that when he goes to see his mom next weekend that we should go so she could meet davids mom and be fed like everyone else. hahaha sunnie you should come! you need to eat! i had to feed sunnie this afternoon. it was so bad. he hasn't eatten much in two days cuz mikeys been so busy. my poor hyung. i feel bad for him. and hes SMOKING so much. oh wellz. kay im done for tonight. need some sleep. gotta work tomorrow.
HOLLA BACK SUNNIE
AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHH I SAY!!!!!!!
KP YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND???? OH MY GOD!!!!!!! -falls on knees and thanks Jesus/Allah/Buddha- HES GOT A GIRL
Thanx the good lord man. Now get laid so u can stop bein all virginal an shit.
DAMN i am utterly relieved you got a girl. I must meet her! Im comin over tomorrow. I want the girly to be there so I can meet her. Wut Hye Sung say? I know hes all soaked in therepy an shit so this has got to be a test of his strength rite now. -evil smile- ooooh boy cant wait to see that. You know if Hye Sung dont approve her...then wut? Is all good. she sounds nice. so long as she dont talk back to him, we chillen. Then again Hye Sung has been a little different. more mellow. Is he on drugs? Hm..Newho Imma be over there tomorrow! Tell the girly to be there.
Kp got a giiiiiiiiiiirl. Now he can get laid an be happpppy. At least sum1 can get laid around here. Im countin 2 weeks without sex. I already shrived up an died sumwhere. if u could die from blue balls then guess wut, Im dead. shit.....i ran out of cigarettes. tym to go to the bo-de-ga. need some stoges man.
HOLLA BACK KP
in my life that i have avoided over time, one of them is relationships.
when it comes to being involved, im usually the punching bag. girls take some kind of pleasure in making me cry after they broke me into hundreds of pieces. because of really bad experiances in my past i have tended to avoid getting a girlfriend.
until now anyway. i got a girlfriend. i havent had one in almost two years. her name is madeline an shes half korean and half italian. we met a while ago since she works at one of the places i usually have lunch in with amber. we had exchanged numbers an i thought nothing of it until recently when i couldnt stop thinking about it. shes sweet but not a throw pillow either. shes the kind of girl thats strong but that cry too. shes a perfect combination of strength an tenderness. when i started to stumble about asking her to date me, she spilled it out the rest of the way. needless to say shes my girl now.
id blog some more about it but im actually really tired since i jus got home from work. so i'll go about it into more detail tomorrow. there sunnie, now you know whats up.
HOLLA BACK SUNNIE
Aite screw each and everyone of you.
I hate everything and everyone right now.
Especially the education system. Hey, education FUCK YOOOU. Thas right jus a big old FUUUUUUCK YOOOOU. I hate the fuckin education system. All of it. It NEVA did anything for me. Instead, it's jus fuckin robbin me.
Wifey went back to school an Ive been tryin to cope with hardly seein my wifey. It's school, work, schoolwork. Ugh. poor wifey hasn't been relaxin well an I cant bother hm cuz he gets all upset that im not helpin just tryin to distract him which in a way is true but still. I'm lonely too. I need love too. If I was a pet, I would have DIED already. Im a house planet. I am a product of my emotions.
Nah Im jus lyin. I jus wanna get laid.
Which I HAVENT BEEN DOING OR GETTING LATELY!
Goooooood why doesnt sum1 jus castrate me noooow. iz not like im makin any use of my dick for the moment. I am SO MISERABLE.
in an attempt to make me have a hobby, i started goin out with Woo more. Woo is mah boy. So Woo took me out a couple nights ago. I hate clubs. I hate Korean clubs even more. Why does every girl there assume you want them? Nah yo, im gay. Im gayer then christmas. I dont want you. But chicks assume that shit if you tap them on the arm an say excuse me. They try to act all holier then thou on your ass an scoff an shit an are like "no you can't talk to me" Im like -.- "yay cuz I dont wanna talk to you, im sayin excuse me cuz i need to leave an its better then sayin move the fuck out of my way you snotty fake lookin gong ju bbyung. Im gay neway." So you knoe, that priceless expression comes ova their faces an i jus shove past them at that point cuz they dont fuckin move, which was all I wanted in the first place. I hate girls. I really, really do. I hate Korean ones even more. At least Korean girls who act like that. I wont generalize. Korean girls who act like that, you all SUCK. An because you do, people like my hyungs all take advantage of you. so there. Im jus so glad Im gay. I couldnt deal wit females like that. Newayz that was one of my clubbin nites. Not fun. The next nite, I got hit on...sorta. Sum girl sent her friend ova to talk to me an Im like uh...thanks, not interested, got sum1 at home. I had to say that shit like 3 tymz to 3 different girls. Woo got his shit on. Go Woo. I was bored though. Plus I started smokin again like fuckin craaaaaaaaazzzzeeeeee. Wifey isnt happy about that. Last nite, I tol Woo if he took me to one more club I was gonna have to kill him an throw his body in a dumpster. So we went to sum of his friends apatoos an chilled there, had some drinks, smoked a whole lot. Came back home an wifey was STILL doin homework. It was a Friday mind you. Wifey wouldn't go to bed until he was done so I showered, (cold shower) an went to bed by mahself.
God thas so depression.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuccckkkkkkkkkk yoooooou educational system. FUUUUUUCCCK YOOOOOOOOU
HOLLA BACK KP
why is that you dont blog again unless i do sunnie? youre weird.
anyway...far be it for me to continue on saying what sunnies been saying to hye sung for the past few days. theyve been talking and yes talking. no ones been getting hurt. which is always good. my hyung seems to have a problem with anger. well its not news to us, we've always known. and in some way, ive been getting the special treatment because i was never one hurt. hye sung shoved me once an when i cried, he never did it again. on the other hand, all my other hyungs have taken the blunt of his assults many times over. in fact i lost track of how many times hye sung has fought with everyone. sunnie has gotten less of the attack because of mikey. mikey would kill hye sung an hye sung would kill him an there would be jus a lot of problems if hye sung were to fight with sunnie so it doesn't really happen. at least not anymore. im not scared because hye sung rarely even looks at me with anger. I do worry for all my other hyungs though.
work has been going well. school is about to start again so a lot of people are quitting because they have to move or focus on school. i kinda wish i could go back to school but right now, its the last thing im really worried about. im glad i have tomorrow off. im gonna go visit sunnie an sun hae and check my earring. Oh I did get another hole in my ear by the way. It's cool i have a little hoop there now
^-^ okay im gone. time to go to sleep.
HOLLA BACK SUNNIE
Cuz i cant keep my mouth shut. Known fact thouh so is cool
OKAY so....turns out Hye Sung is currently feelin better an yah that would be a good thing had him an Sun Hae not fought. I missed the beginning of the arguement which im mad at myself for since it took place in KP and Hye Sung's apatoo. I got der a little later cuz...uh well i jus couldn't get off my couch. now Im mad I didnt get up sooner!!!! Newayz they were arguing, wifey was already over there cuz him an Sun Hae r cool an he was also concerned over Hye sung's well bein. Neway so wifey lets me in an I hear Sun Hae an Hye Sung jus yellin at each other. I walk in the living room to see Hye Sung iz jus fine, face a little bruised but hez up an about an man iz he about. he got so mad at Sun Hae that he slammed him down to the floor an picked up a bottle that was near by.
yah a bottle. a glass one. An he went on to slam the bottle against sun hae over an over again. LUCKY the bottle was thick glass so it din break. Althouh that cant be too good either cuz sun hae caught the bottle to the face a couple times, the side of his neck, his shoulders, his hands an arms an i think even his chest collarbone area. Sun hae couldnt fight back, he tried gettin hye sung off him but that wasnt workin so he took the blunt of the abuse. Where wuz I u may be wonderin? I was watchin. I wasnt about to get involved in an arguement that had nuttin to do with me. sides, im not gonna cross Hye Sung when he's pissed off enuff to strike his own boy with a bottle. I did get him off Sune Hae when i saw the bottle started to crack. One more good hit and that would have broken over Sun Hae. Neway, Hye Sung was pissed off but he wouldnt say anything afterwards. Sun Hae got sum ice for his face AND LUCKY he din bleed which is always a good thing. He did get bruises though. Sun Hae didnt stay after that an wifey din say nothin to Hye Sung, them 2 havin their bad blood between them already so he left too. I was the onlee one that stayed. I sat back, had a cigarette with my hyung an watched TV. I wasnt bout to say anything to him. KP rung him out later though. sayin he shouldnt have hit Sun Hae at all. Hye sung din care.
I talked to Sun Hae when i got back since he's still livin in my apatoo but slowly in the process of movin out an I asked him what the argument was about. He din wanna talk about it which jus made me more curious. But Sun Hae shook it off, sayin thas jus the way our hyung is and it is. I realli wanna knoe what they fought bout though. makes me all curious. aite well, wifeys gonna go lay down an imma see if i can go cop a feel...maybe get me sum. I need to have sex.
HOLLA BACK KP
sunnie hyung, you blog about random shit you knoe that?
anyway since i missed the entire purpose of that blog and what that was all about, i'll just blog about my plain boring day. i had work, had lunch, went back to work, then left and came home. yeah nothing too brillant. i wasnt bothered today which was over all great. i hate being bothered by girls who cant take no for an answer.
a couple of days ago, it was my ex girlfriends birthday an I almost sat down an wrote her an email to at least say happy birthday but when i opened my account i jus stared at it an thought, man i cant even do that. in some small way i wanna forget everything about her because it hurts so bad but other times i just wanna remember everything about her. her smile what she said to me an stuff...i regret a lot of stuff like not seein her more or tellin her how i really felt. i guess i felt that in some way if i told her how much i really loved her that she would get freaked out and kinda do that "whoa..." take a step back thing so i kina kept it to myself. she didnt knoe the damage i was inflictin on myself after she dumped me. of course she knoes now because my hyung cant keep his mouth shut. i got self inflicted razor scars on my arms from what was my weak ass suicide attempt. of course had i really wanted to kill myself i would have done it over my wrists not the bends an forearm of my arms. ne way, jus knoin her birthday passed made me remember how much i wanted to see her last tym an how much i jus wanted to be by her side. it made me wanna forget everything again. i hear she's well. from what sunnie says anyway. she had a good 21. im glad. good to knoe shes goin ahead with life. i wish i could. is so hard to forget the damage someone can cause you though. i wanna move on so bad but i knoe i cant do it unless hye sung helps me. he wants to stay out of it an tell me to do it on my own after all i am an adult an responsible for my own actions but when i think about it, i jus wanna cry because i knoe i cant do it on my own an i need hye sung.
i should go to bed. its so late. i got work in the morning too. damnit sunnie, you didn't stop by today. come over tomorrow! I need someone to help me put another hole in my ears. hye sung wont do it this time. he said hes tired of watching me punch excess holes in my ears. so sunnie i need your help! come by tomorrow!!
HOLLA BACK SUNNIE
ya'll know whats funny about links? They lead you to the oddest of places. So im bored last nite but not enough to be on AIM. Actually haven't felt like talkin to anyone lately cuz I haven't been on long nuff to talk to ne1 ne way. So i'm wandering off the point. So im crusing through a lot of links, bored off my ass an i come across this one LJ, which if i knew how to properly link I would.
So im readin this psycho's LJ an all I can think is oh man wut a fuckin loser. At the same time, she's hatin on this one girl and see here's the irony, I knoe the girl she's hatin on and I'm thinkin, damn man if you hate her so much why you sweatin her shit? She hated on a layout this girl I knoe did an she all announced to the world she hated it an she said she would give the link to this girl's page if they IMed an asked for it. I'm like Thas fuckin brillant, jus give publicity to the girl's page. Brav-fuckin-o. I kina sat back an laughed at the shit cuz is like damn get a fuckin life. Is so obvious that the girl shes hatin on, longer cares if this psycho girl even exists an yet the psycho is still goin ON AND ON about the girl I knoe. I'm like damn she's so pathetic.
At the same tym, I'm glad I'm not straight cuz I would so neva eva in my whole hetrosexual life wanna go out with this psycho. Les set aside mah ultra shallowness cuz the psycho also hurts my fuckin feelins, shes so damn ugly. But les focus on the fact that she is sweatin my friend like there is no fuckin tomorrow. I'm like daaaaaamn she obviously needs a hobby or a vibrator or sumthin man. I cant think of a man that would wanna stick his dick in her is why im not sayin she needs to get laid cuz...damn man who would want to? So vibrator for her. An if I WAS straight, she would be the reason I'm gay. Damn she's obessive and obessive like, thas not even hate no more thas jus "i've got nothin better to do with my life so I'm gonna waste it all on hatin on this girl, who obviously doesnt give a fuck about me an that jus makes me evn madder" Im tellin u man, psycho bitch needs a vibrator an to get off my girl's ass.
On another note, Lezzie went to Otakon an came back with the brillant idea that i should go next year. As a cat boy. I got no qualmz wit dat at all. I would so not mind bein dragged around on a leash wearin tight pants an fishnet. No really i dun. That sounds sorta fun actually. ^-^ I get to wear cat ears an be put on display for every1 to admire my sexiness. Nope dun sound bad at all.
Late shout out to Jun as she's known now. Happy Belated Bday. Got nutthin but luv for ya.
HOLLA BACK KP
we have a what now??? oh my god....I didnt think anyone would actual read this garbage.
uh....-waves- hi? -/////////-
my head still hurts but not a lot. Mostly its from the bruise on my forehead. when i tol hye sung about my accident prone day he felt bad for me. he said he wished he could go buy me ice cream ^-^ ice cream yaay!!! but with his face still hurting he really couldnt. I understood and I slept in the middle of the bed. yah man im sleeping in the middle of the bed now. good thing hye sung is skinny an so am i otherwise we wouldn't be able to sleep at all.
anyway had work today, have off tomorrow which is great because im really tired and wanna sleep. work was aite. jus some random stocking, got a lot of folding done today on the floor. that was pretty much it. I didnt have lunch with amber today because she was busy with work. so i jus bought something real quick and ate it on my way back to work. i really wanted something sweet though. man it was sorta nice today too. hot still but over all nice.
i hate my forehead now. it hurts and i have a stupid bruise on it. stupid day making me get alll fucked up. ow. -rubs forehead- okay well it's close to 11 and i have to go shower and then head for bed. im already exhausted by this point.
HOLLA BACK SUNNIE
YeAh....random yeah I knoe. So aite I went to see KP the other day. Poor baby gots an owie on his forehead. I took the chance to sneak a kiss -wink- and got him on the forehead an we went for a walk.
Aite that was explained be4 so i guess i'll talk bout wut i did today. i......slept...for most of the day. thas some good fuckin way to spend the day. SLEEPIN! AHAHAHA. I slept wit mah wifey cuz I told Sun Hae and Chak Hae if they did nethin to make a racket an wake up my wifey i would skin them alive. i dun like doin physical activity unless its fuckin so i jus basically warned them no to upset me. They didnt an I spent the whole day in bed with wifey in my arms ^-^ How S W E E T it is wakin up with this precious armful of sum1 u love. Is the best damn feelin in the world. Wifey is so comfrty...hez like made to be in my arms...hiz body jus fits so perfectly against mine iz a crazi feeling to feel that way when u hold sum1. jus to feel they made for u. I had that whole epiphinay in bed 2day.
Laterz wifey got up for dinner. KP came over, bruise still on his forehead. David an Chun Hae stopped by too. Iz good to see mah boiz every now an then. Chun Hae's girl iz not gettin fat yet. i wanna see Lisa when she starts showin i wanna poke her belly an listen to tha little thing growin in der. Ne wayz, then we went over KP's place after din din cuz wifey makez da B E S T food ^-^v an we saw Hye Sung who is slowly gettin better. His face went down a lot in swellin but he's got aches all over hiz face which Im not sure iz ne better. -shrug- wut do i knoe newayz. So we all sat down, talked lots, ate some more cuz KP got hungry again den i went home cuz I missed my wifey an i wanted to take advantage of our empty apatoo for the time being.
So I did. Annnnnnnnnnnnd we finished up jus in tym cuz Chak Hae an Sun Hae came back jus as I was livin in da after glow. Ah.....after glow. Good post coitus feelin. Iz post rite? i alwayz get dat mixed up. Newayz, I had to get up an get dressed an I left wifey sleepin an I had a cigarette wit Chak Hae an Sun Hae. had to do it in the hall though. trust me wearin a robe, sweats an no shoez standing in ur apatoo hallway iz not fun. im jus glad i had sweats on. should have worn boxerz though. Newayz. after dat i went back inside, an here I am! chak Hae an Sun hae jus floatin around me. I guess they wanna sleep...i should let em but im not tired. Maybe we should have a drink. Yah...nota bad idea.
Hey sum1 else besides Lezzie readz dis junkie. Nicole iz it? aite...word...we got an audience ^-^v
HOLLA BACK KP
my head hurts so bad. and its not a head ache either. i fell out of bed this morning. like litterally fell out of bed, landing face first against my nice wooden finished floor. it woke hye sung up when i went OW FUCK! really loudly. i then felt bad for waking up my hyung whos had bad aches recently and he finally fell asleep after 4am. it was only about 11 when i fell out of bed. so i felt REALLY bad. hye sung said it was okay, its not like i did it on purpose which jus made me feel worse!!!! i would have felt slightly better if he jus yelled at me and called me a stupid fuck for waking him. but he jus said it was okay. ugh anyway i went to work today. and i dressed in my nice A|X clothes and went on my merry way. i got hit on by like 7 different girls. they were all in a group thats why. i was like -/////- oh my god...and i ran to my train and hid until the train moved. on my way there, i wasnt paying attention as i tried to stand up to grab a pole cuz my stop was coming up. as i did, the train learched forward suddenly an i slammed my head against the pole. aside from feeling total embarrassment, i was in a lot of pain. i held my forehead on my way to work.
when i got there, i went to the back an then came back out to the floor so i could do some folding. i noticed i started to develope a huge red spot that was just NOT fading so i had to part my hair differently an hid it. then i got some folding in. then i went to lunch with amber whos just a friend now. she got a boyfriend already which im grateful for and we jus cool now. i told her how my head was starting to hurt from the abuse it was taking an she jus awwed me and bought me a piece of cake ^-^ cake!!! so i ate that an i was happy for a while. then i went back to work an i suffered yet another bout to the head when some guys were doing stock in the back an one pulled out a box too fast as i was passing by an i caught the edge of the box against my head. I alsmot fell but luckily that wall was in the way. ow...
i got no more bouts to the head for the rest of the day at work though my head was now throbbing and i have a huge red turning purple mark on the side of my forehead over my eyebrow. when i got home, i started making dinner for hye sung though he said he wasnt hungry. his nose is gettin better too. neway after dinner, i started doing dishes an like the fucking moron i am, i reached up overhead to open a cabnit door an slammed it into my own head! WHAT KIND OF IDIOT AM I?? OH MY GOD...im such a fucking moron i swear. so after writhing in pain i finished the dishes and then went to watch tv for a minute. sunnie hyung stopped by an he wanted us to go out for a liddle bit but i told him my head was in no condition. he kissed my forehead and said we should at least go for a walk. so we did. glad to say the walk was hazard free. unfortunatly, i tripped going up the stairs back to my apartment, an saved myself from cracking my head open by grabbing the rail an pulling myself up, but i slammed the side of my head into that.
now im home and in pain. i think im gonna lay down now...in the middle of the bed, holding on to hye sung's shirt really really tightly.
HOLLA BACK SUNNIE
I gained weight. I wont even say how much that SUX.
It also means i gained another 2 inches on my perfectly small an also sumwhat disgusting small waist.
Been chillen. Slept through Saturday. New accomplishment if i do say so mahself. Had lots of sex on Sunday. ^-^ I'll spare those the details. Saw mah boy Woo on Monday. I was forced to leave the apatoo. NOOOOOOOOOO! But i smoked a lot so yah...wasn't all bad. Woo an me is jus cause for a big all smoke cloud. I haven't cigarettes this much since i was in high school. An yah jus stoges. I dun smoke nothing harder. Wifey would kill me.
Yah I can hear so many people goin you are so fuckin whipped. Well you damn straight i am. Aite, look at it this way, you're havin sex every other nite by ur willing an sexi signifcant other. An its good sex. Like the kind of sex you read about. mind blowin orgasm included. Now, if that was taken away, now that you KNOE wut ur missin, would you screw that up? yah i din think so. Thas why im whipped. If wifey says do this, you bes believe imma get on the good foot to do dat shit. Wifey doesnt ask too much of me though. Which is y i <3 him an he <3 me and our relationship has been goin on strong for nearly 7 yrz. Hate damnit. I knoe u all envy it.
So...back to smokin.....yeah been doin that too much. I'll stop eventually.....rite.
Man even i dun buy that. KP how you feelin? Imma stop by man. Jus not now. 2morrow though after u get off work.
HOLLA BACK KP
that is so true....
i dont really have anything to blog about. other then im jus feeling down. sorry sunnie, it happens every now an then. im just gonna go lay down with hye sung. i need to feel someone beside me when i sleep so i remember im not dead.
HOLLA BACK SUNNIE
KP why you down again?
Hye Sung's fine, jus still in pain. Shit like that happens ya noe?
ANNNNNNND mah boi Chun Hae is gonna be a daddy ^-^ His girlfriend is pregnant and they obviously keepin it. Aite! Go CHun Hae! Be mah second boi wit kids! But obviously better den the first! hahahaha
I aint been up to shit. Yesterday, when wifey was workin, Woo stopped by. Yeah Woo bought me lunch which pissed me off cuz that means I had to eat on my own. yah you read rite, eat on my own, in like the fact that my wifey feeds me cuz im spoiled like that. but oh well it wuz a free lunch cant look down on that too much. So i ate an then i smoked. ah wifey's gonna kill me. Been smokin too much. Which sucked cuz rite afterwards I had to get up an brush my teeth or wifey won't kiss me! WHAT THE FUCK...not like wifey hasn't had any OTHER of my bodily fluids but oh noOOooo if I even so much as stink of cigarettes wifey won't kiss me. Thas like so confusin for me. wifeys kissed me wit stank ass morning breath, but not wit cigarette smoke. i dun get that.
aite so Woo was buggin me to go out an Im like man no leave me alone thas movement an shit. Fuck that. I did get up though. Went out to play pool, see some of my other boys then i stopped in on Hye Sung, whos alive, obviously but his face is lookin beat as hell. Hez a little less swollen but swollen nonetheless still bruised too. Man i hope that shit heals rite or my hyung will have to get a personality cuz his face was all he got goin for him. I lub my hyung though ^-^
aite im done. Closin it with a quizzy
Aiiiiite....i don't get that at all.
HOLLA BACK KP
I've been takin care of my hyung all this time. sorry ihavent blogged sunnie. i feel bad for him so much though. his face is still a little swollen, kinda purple-ish kinda now. its better then before. doctors sed theres no real need for surgery because it seems to b healin fine. i guess it looked worse then it was. i mean is still broken but its not like completely totally, destroyed beyond all hope. my poor hyung.
been goin to work lately. i jus wanna sleep though i feel really tired lately. kinda sick too. but i know im not sick i jus feel sick all the time. i think im jus gettin high school flash backs. i had to deal with all my hyungs bein kkang pae all the time an gettin into fights an goin to juvi or jail and i would always worry about them. im actually kind of surprised i dont have ulcers at this stage of my life. ugh life just sucks so bad right now. i just wanna sleep all the time. i just wanna eat and sleep all the time. its all i really wanna do. i jus wanna crawl up beside my hyung after having a nice meal an sleeping for days. i should take like 2 days off and sleep. i feel so tired. oh man i forgot to feed my doggie i should go do that. then off to make dinner and then time to sleep. i dont feel like doing anything else right now. just sleeping.
HOLLA BACK SUNNIE
Aite so...I'm an adult. Legally and acutally. i put mah kkang pae ways behind me. I really did once i met wifey. Wifey didnt want me runnin around gettin trouble, gettin arrested (again ha ha ha) smokin up, gettin drunk an poppin E like i was gonna be forever 15-22 basically all that nonsense stopped when i met wifey. I was like 16. So i didnt quit bein a little kkang pae till not too recently maybe 2-3 yrs ago because it was gettin too close to the line where i could be tried as an adult. No no, I already did my time in juvi thanks. not about to go to jail for real. So i thought, I put that shit behind me, I moved on, I'm an adult.
I got proved really, really wrong a couple of nights ago.
so im chillen at home mindin my p's and q's when my house line rings. the phone is not within my reach so I scream for someone to get it. Chak Hae an Sun Hae are not home so wifey gets the phone. He comes back to me an says its KP soundin all hyserical. Im like ugh he ate kiwi again. so I answer the phone an KP is dyin because Hye Sung got his nose broken. HOW did Hye Sung break his nose? Easy. Fightin. See what had happened wuz that some guy was poppin shit in front of Hye Sung an Hye Sung is also, too old for this shit, so he pretty much ignored him till the guy put his hands on him. Hye Sung turned and punched him. The guy fought back. They fought. At one point durin the fight, hye sung kneed the guy in the stomach, makin him double ova an i guess he was too close or somethin cuz they guy suddenly picked up his head an caught Hye Sung in the face, breakin his nose. Despite the fact that my hyung now had his nose broken and wuz prolly in horrible pain, he continued to fight an kicked the shit out of the guy till his boys came. Chun Hae, David an KP came downstairs jus then an pulled Hye Sung back to see his nose was broken. KP took a single look an started freakin out. Chun Hae an David dragged Hye Sung to the hospital, KP called me, I called every1 else an we all went to see him. After makin sure he was aite, KP stayed while the rest of us returned back to bein 16-18 again an started plannin to do sumthin to this mutherfuker that broke our hyung's nose. while i waited i talked to BC an let her an Lezzie know that Hye Sung had his nose broke. We waited till bout 11.30 an after we all got together, we called sum of our other boys an went to find this bitch.
Did i mention im too old for this shit? cuz i am. needless to say we found him an gang stomped him. for those that aren't affilated with the gang termanology, a gang stomp is when you an 10+ of all your bois get in a circle around the person ur beatin the shit out of an basically, stomp him as much as you can whereva ur feet happen to land. Then we all ran like hell. I neva looked back to see the damage but we tried to stop before stuff got all mushy an the good news is i din hear nethin break so guess he'll jus be in a lot of pain.
Hye Sung is fine fyi. his face is purple an black though an he's got that shit on the bridge of his nose to make it heal. he looks horrible. i would cry if that happened to me. KP is also calm so...yah he should be writin soon.
HOLLA BACK KP
yeah hyung you seriously sounded like a little fangirl. that was scary. dont do that ever again.
i jus got home to my humble abode. i like being home ^-^ i get to see my most favorite person everyday. i do miss comin home to a nice full apartment though. its like aww...no one else but at the same time its YAH no one else! hye sung is sleepin. he napped on the couch since he got home from work not too long ago either. i dont wanna bother him so im jus gonna type away real quiet like and then start makin dinner. oh no...speakin of which...i should do the laundry sometime today too. wonder if we got some detergant. if not i'll jus go down the street an ask mikey ^-^
ugh work was real real tirin today. too much to stock up and put away an there are some crazy people in the store. three jersey girls came in today. and i knew they were jersey girls because well...i have experiance with jersey girls. and they were going on and on about something and i hate being on register. it never fails that anytime im at register a million girls come in and start either staring me in the face like im so deformity of nature or start hitting on me or start acting really shy and shit when im like okay i need you to look at me and give me your money so i can charge you for the shit you're buying. aigo. so back to the jersey girls. so one of them starts staring me so damn hard im like do i know you so you can be staring at me like that? so i jus take her money an start rining her up. as im done and about to give her change, shes like no wait, i changed my mind, i dont want this anymore an she gives me back this nasty looking bag. so im like ugh fine. I do an exchange and as Im about to give her back whats due shes like my friend likes you and the three of them start doing that stupid giggly thing im like uh...thats nice. an i give her the money an ticket an shes like when is ur break? Im like...um im 21 years old i cant be seen talking to jail bait. and theyre like oh we're 18.
liiiiarrrsssssss.
Im like i still cant talk, please move to the side because there was a line forming. eventually they do an they STILL stand by my register. im begging mikey to come and save me so he does and he shoos away the girls i go back on the floor, doin what i do best...fold stuff. as im there, the 3 jersey girls come BACK and they start stalking me around the store, tryin not to be real fucking obvious. so i pretend to not notice and much to my damn fucking pleasure, david comes in the store because chun hae hyung asked him to do something or other, i dont know, i wasnt paying attention to what david said when i saw him, i was trying to watch my back. the girls are sitting there, now setting their sights on my hyung so i grab his arm an lean him down a little an kiss his cheek an whisper to him "im bein stalked play along" and david laughs at me an pats my head an kisses my nose like im FIVE -____________________- it was so embarrassing but it made the jersey girls go away. later, david and mikey an sunnie all had a nice laugh on me, saying i was too cute for my own good.
what-the-fuck-ever. sometimes i hate working retail. but hey whatever its all gravy sometimes.
HOLLA BACK SUNNIE
Is HYDE! Aw fuckin A man if i wasnt married Id be ALL OVER THAT. God damn he is one seXXXay motherfucker. Aite im done stealin Hyde's face.
mwhahaha sorri KP I called dibs on this layout too. I should have let you since i called the first one too......but its HYDE. H.Y.D.E. Aite im swinging off his dick a little too much i need to stop. i sound like a damn teeny bopper. OKAY so....moving on.
Helped KP clear out. Chun Hae moved out and that leaves just 3. GOD DAMN just 3 and I have my apatoo all back to meeeee!!! And wifey of course. Love my wifey. Newayz now KP's got his own place with Hye Sung...(watch your back KP) and all mah boyz are leavin. is kinda upsettin sumtimes cuz they're all makin something of themselves an im kinda......not. im jus here with my wifey an my wifey is makin something of himself. I love all my boyz an Im glad they gettin on with their lives. is kinda cool that Chun Hae is w/Lisa and Lisa respects an understand all the shit we bond with. Is a lifestyle shes not use to seein i know. But I like Lisa and on the occasions i hung out with her she tol me how she thinks Chun Hae is the best thing that happened to her. I hope they stay together forever an eventually get married. ^-^ get little mulatto childrenz everywhere....iz mulatto the term im lookin for? Newayz, Chun Hae's gonna be a doctor. David is gonna be some CEO guru for some company, Sun Haez gonna be an artist that gets maaad recognition, KPs gonna be wutever he wanna be an my wifey gonna be a brillant chemist XD and if Chak Hae every realli picks himself up all the way he could be sumthin great too seems the only ones that dont have a fucking clue as to their lives is me an Hye Sung. Im 22 i cant be livin on my ummas stock forever. though its comfy. Umma wants to take care of me forever an I kinda wanna let her. but i got my wifey to think about. i suddenly feel serious. Wow really went on a rant. Thats not like me so lets go back to stealing hyde's face.
I must THANK my Lezzie ^-^ who i bitched and moan for to make this for me. ^-^ an i looooveeeeee heeeeerrrr. ^-^ oh look at that we got linkz an shit now. hey we need more. i wonder who else reads this. we should link them.
HOLLA BACK KP!!!!
we got archived. does that mean we're gettin a new layout soon? cool.
i havent blogged in a bit. been kinda busy. moved from my sunnie hyungs apartment into my own with hye sung hyung. i missed everyone but onlee for like 2 seconds because they live down the street. my other hyung chun hae is movin in with his girlfriend lisa soon. thas cool too ^-^
i now live with my hyung hye sung. 1st time livin on our very own. since i can remember i've always lived with someone else but not him. is weird. i like our place. shits still everywhere an unpacked but thats because we both got work an dont have time to unpack an shit. kinda sucks. all we unpacked was our clothes an bed/bathroom/kitchen stuff cuz we need all that right now. i like it ^-^
ive been doin some of that serious thinkin type shit when i did have the chance to unpack. my ex she emailed me like a million yrs ago an i never really wrote back. it still hurts really bad when i even think about her. i dunno wut to say or how to write. what should i say hey whats going on hows your life since you broke my heart? going good? find someone else to replace me? yeah? interesting to know. hows school? thats neat. sorry i havent written back in a million years. it still hurts like hell to pretend everything is okay with you and me and when you tell me you still love me its like you're stabbing me all over again but thats okay, i just wanted to drop the line back.
see i cant actually write that. that would be bad. and it sounds like im being an asshole. i dont wanna come off like that but it seriously does hurt to even read her email. shes so sweet an she tells me she loves me still an i do too but its like thinking back to the time she told me she wanted to break up...its like THAT feeling never went away either. its like it happened yesterday. i got the scars to prove it too. i jus....i dont know. but i just feel like writing back. maybe to at least be friends. maybe friends would be nice because its how we started. but at the same time i dont want to go back down that road because what if she tries to take it another way? maybe the friendship cant be saved either. besides at this point right now it hurts so bad i dont even want to think about anything else but sleeping. okay long ramble about the ex. i should stop.
time for bed. got work in the AM
NITE SUNNIE!!!!
[ About the Layout ]]
Version 2 is once again done by Toki-sama and once again, the cover boy is Hyde, the front man of L'arc~en~ciel. The picture came from 4th Avenue Cafe and the lyrics used are from Luna Sea's Tonight. The translation came from Luna Sea's Lyric Database. No brushes used and the pictured was edited in Photoshop 7 by Toki-sama.
[[ Voices Heard ]]
Given Name: Ji Sun
Given Name: Christopher
[[ Links ]]
Toki-sama/Lez [Angel Egg]
[[ Archives ]]
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