sAbrina : ...tHeSe aRe mY cOnfEsSiOnS...

Thursday, March 24, 2005
02:32 a.m.

Everything sux. Big time. Im going nuts. Words are dividing themselves up on the computer screen. Im seeing double. Then triple. Figures are like splitting up. Fission. Im the most screwed up person in the whole of the entire universe. As of now. Argh.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005
03:55 a.m.

La vie est terrible quand vous n'êtes pas sûr de ce que vous voulez, de ce que vous faites actuellement. Pour moi, les choses semblent soudainement matérialiser lentement. Je suis comme projeter ma vie maintenant, à une longueur si détaillée, que je commence à trouver ce phénomène étrange. Doit être le corps de vieillissement. Hiaks.

J'irai chercher des cours pour me faire un autocar autorisé de netball. Alors je rendrai opérationnel ce que j'ai appris pendant les formations. Le plus probablement à l'école primaire de Terre du nord. Ceci se produirait comme je voyage le long de l'itinéraire d'université. Sur le repére, Je souhaite travailler en tant que comptable pour un du grand Fours pendant au moins 3 années. Alors je solliciterai le cours du pays récemment industrialisé et apprendrai à devenir un professeur d'école secondaire. Enseignera pendant au moins 3 années. J'aurai environ 29 ans alors. J'estime l'épargne au moins de 20,000 mâles. D'ici là, la proposition d'affaires que j'avais formulée en 8 dernières années ou ainsi serais tout poli le plus probablement et faite. Aucune idée dans laquelle secteur j'entrerai en date de maintenant encore. Prendra mon temps d'observer le marché.

Vous pourriez penser, que diriez-vous du mariage ? Honnêtement je ne sais pas. Non jamais fait partie de mon plan. Au moins pas jusqu'à ce que j'ai 32 ans. Jusqu'à ce que j'aie rencontré d. Autant que j'espère que la personne que je verrai à l'avenir se tenant à côté de moi pour être lui et personne d'autre, Je dois apprendre à récepteur à la réalité dure. Franchement parlant, laissez-le soin au destin. Il décidera.

Presque 4a.m. maintenant, a obtenu de aller au lit. Blog de bonne nuit. Voyez-vous.

Life is terrible when you are not sure of what you want, of what you are currently doing. For me, things suddenly seem to be slowly materializing. I am like planning my life now, at such a detailed length, that I’m starting to find this phenomenon strange. Must be the aging body. Hiaks.

I will be going for courses to make myself a licensed netball coach. Then I’ll put into operation what I’ve learnt during the trainings. Most probably at Northland Primary School. This would be happening as I journey along the university route. Upon graduation, I wish to work as an accountant for one of the Big Fours for at least 3 years. Then I’ll apply for NIE’s course and learn to become a secondary school teacher. Will teach for at least 3 years. I’ll be about 29 years old then. I estimate a savings of at least 20,000 bucks. By then, the business proposal that I’ve been formulating in the last 8 years or so would most probably be all polished and done. No idea which sector I’ll go into as of now yet. Will take my time to observe the market.

You might be thinking, what about marriage? Honestly I don’t know. Never been part of my plan. At least not until I’m 32. Until I met d. As much as I hope that the person I’ll see in future standing next to me to be him and no one else, I have to learn to face up to the harsh reality. Frankly speaking, leave it to fate. It’ll decide.

Almost 4a.m. now, got to go to bed. Good night blog. See you.

Monday, March 21, 2005
06:25 p.m.

My d's just changed his blog's outlook... You should take a look at it... It's SUPERBLY CHILDISH!! bahahaha... *bLeHx*... dragon ballz sia.. tsk tsk... talk about maturity... hahahah... shoosh... im so gonna be trashed by him when he reads this... keke

23 more days to the exams... Trying to pick up the drive and motivation again... I don't wanna screw up this exams despite the fact that the odds are ObViOUSLy against me... Nevertheless, there's still hope.. However diminutive it might be.. Hang on peeps! It'll soon be over...

Cheers,
sAb

Friday, March 18, 2005
06:11 p.m.

Time's ticking away. Bomb's hidden somewhere but i can't seem to be able to find it. How much time do i have left before im blasted to pieces? Hell knows. For goodness's sake. Do something idiot. What are you standing there and staring at me for huh? Aint gonna make anything better or worst off. Try me. Tell it to me straight in the face. Don't keep me waiting. I hate guessing games.

Monday, March 14, 2005
01:14 p.m.

If love was a bird, then we wouldn't have wings. If love was the sky, we'd be blue. If love was a choir, you and i could never sing. Cos love isn't for me and you.

If love was an Oscar, you and i could never win. Cos we can never act out our parts. If love is the Bible, then we are lost in sin. Because it's not in our hearts.

So why don't you go your way? And i'll go mine. Live your life, and i'll live mine. Baby you'll do well, and i'll be fine. Cos we're better off, separated.

If love was a fire, then we have lost the spark. love never felt so cold. If love was a light, then we're lost in the dark. Left with no one to hold. If love was a sport, we're not on the same team. You and i are destined to lose. If love was an ocean, then we're just the stream. Cos love isn't for me and you.

Thursday, March 10, 2005
03:14 p.m.

You'd think that things are all going on fine and well. Stop. Look. And rethink. Are things really as splendid as you thought it to be? Perhaps not. What you see before you is purely just the surface. Attempt to dive in and you might find yourself a clue. I may have said certain things to assure you of the things that you do. But with regards to whether I really meant them or not, that, I have absolutely no idea myself. I don't want you to be unhappy. So I'll rather end up losing myself. I'm sorry.

Wednesday, March 9, 2005
01:01 a.m.

Darkness befalls. She fumbled around in search for that ray of light that never existed. Stumbled. Fell. Hard on the ground. Desperation had long caught hold of her. But she refused to let this spell the end of everything. Falling doesn't matter. She could stand up again. Stumbling ain't gonna hurt. All she needed was time. Limited time there may be. But she forgoes the idea of giving up, not until the last precious second of time hits her mind. She still has it. She still has time.

Maybe she was right about certain things, not denying the fact that she may be wrong either. But the truth is there seemed to be this foolish thinking lingering in her head. Lurking. Persuading her to let go of a certain 'thing'. She holds on hard. As to how long she can bear with this, no one knows. Tiredness's draining her. Squeezing out every last drop of the adrenaline and hope that ever existed in her. She's confused. In a dilemma. She once made a promise. And she's living hard by it. But if this thought's gonna linger, with no intention of leaving her, she might well let go. Eventually.

Saturday, March 5, 2005
12:10 p.m.

Stress and fatigue aren't the words to describe my exact situation now. They form purely just as the understatement. Life could be more terrible than this. But luckily i have people with me to help me pull through. And i'm glad that i am, at long last, finally decided to quicken my pace and catch up with God.

Life in school's painful. Suddenly you'll visualize the people around you becoming increasingly competitive. So competitive, it's scary. You'd think that you are at the frontlines. Aint kidding. People have fought. Innocent ones killed. I feel myself disintegrating from the rest. Competition just aint the word in my dictionary. It's disgusting. Nauseating. Damaging.

I've never been more tired at school than this. University life's really killing me. Sleep deprived. On average i dont sleep for more than 4 hours each day. Crying wont help. Nothing would. I just hope to get out of this fucked up life soon. Argh. Shouldnt have said that. Sorry.

Monday, February 28, 2005
02:16 p.m.

Aucune idée comment je suis censé mettre ceci vers le bas mais moi ne pensent im sur le bord de lui encore. Parfois je sens la disparité entre les tous les deux nous. Parfois il y a ce débranchage. Je ne suis pas sûr comment je dois expliquer ceci à n'importe qui. Ainsi je finis vers le haut de parler à mon blog.

No idea how i'm supposed to put this down but i think im on the verge of it again. Sometimes i feel the mismatch between the both of us. Sometimes there's this disconnection. I'm not sure how i am to explain this to anyone. So i ended up talking to my blog.

Thursday, February 24, 2005
01:55 p.m.

~.'-_Sunshine after rain_-'.~

Tuesday, February 22, 2005
06:09 p.m.

Her life was more than just a patch of darkness before he came in. A pure skeptic. The faithlessness.

He came along like a star in a moonless night sky. A tint of hope it may be. But it was her only source of comfort. And she was contented.

Her days were filled with love. She thought herself to be the happiest and luckiest woman alive. As embellished as it may sound, she was not the least ashamed to admit her thoughts. He loved her. And she loved him just as much.

She used to be highly independent. She told no one of her difficulties. She could straighten out her thinking all on her own. But soon, she found herself being able to open up to him more. She would find herself voicing out the most truthful opinions when she’s around him. She could sense herself putting in more and more trust in him each day.

Tragically, turbulence found its way to them. Unrest. Silence. Despair.

Dejection. Misery.

She was slapped back into the deep abyss. Again. Never to be let out.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005
03:34 p.m.

So much for wanting me to be frank with you. So much for asking me to let you know about all my stuff. So much for trust.