Monday, January 3, 2005
03:53 p.m.

http://www.lunaneko.net/gallery/albums/FF/005Final_Fantasy_X.jpg

No lessons today... how lame can this get?? And i only managed to find out last evening...When im lik back in hall oredi...Called up Weijun to double check with her...no idea if i should laugh or cry man... doinkZ..

Went to JP alone last night...And then out of the blue she just came into my mind... I hate to admit it... But i really do miss her... She was one of the major changing agents in my 19 years of life so far... Cherished the moments when we were together... and happy.. But it's all too late to say these sorta shit now...I gave up on her first...So i'll bear the aftermath...Sorry lady.. didn't mean to...i gave you the reason saying i was too tired to hold on... It's one hell of a stupid excuse...

"And finally the silence. Looking out, looking back across the sky. Trying to find a meaning, knowing that I just left it all behind. Still I smell a lingering softness. Where did she go, how did she go, I wanna wanna know. I wanna know that she'll be coming here to me. Come on. Without you, I'll never feel the love inside of me. Come on, you know that we belong. Thinking back before her, I never knew the meaning of alone. Still the flag is feeling foreign, I live the day to escape into a phone. Speaking of a world not real then. Where did she go, how did she go, I wanna wanna know. I wanna know that she'll be coming here to me."

Hmmmx.. Can tell d's really tired... He's currently sleeping like a log now... bahaha... stupid boy... he din sleep the entire of last night either...and he went straight for his classes at 8.30am.... ain't no wonder why he's so drained out..

Monday, January 3, 2005
04:17 a.m.

Third of January. Exactly one month now. Absolutely no idea what to say. Hmmmx.. And why the hell am i still awake?? arGh..

Sunday, January 2, 2005
01:02 a.m.

Ohx... and just to add on.. Was at the countdown party at esplanade during the eve of the year 2005.. with d obviously.. haha.. Charles and Sher were there too.. but we went separately.. Although there aint any fireworks this time round due to the tsunami tidal waves thingy..And the crowded streets were like *woAH*... still had a great time... yep... hehX..

gonna miss this one month... december 2004.. everyday's something.. with studies totally out of mind...with my netball team.. with the basketball team... carrom.. with JVG.. with sher and mich...with mom... with d by my side.. I hope everything's gonna last.. i'm not asking for forever.. but somewhere close..

and my relationship with d.. i hope i can have a more positive mindset when it comes to such issues.. you know... hmmmx.. yea..

“Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor,
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless, aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you, its only seed.

It’s the heart afraid of breaking,
that never learns to dance.
It’s the dream afraid of waking,
that never takes the chance.
It’s the one, who won’t be taken,
who cannot seem to give.
And the soul, afraid of dying,
that never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely,
and the road has been too long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky, and the strong,
just remember in the winter,
far beneath the bitter snow,
lies the seed that, with the sun’s love,
in the spring becomes the rose.”

Sunday, January 2, 2005
12:48 a.m.

Just came back about an hour plus ago from what seemed like a massive ‘adults-teens-cum-kids’ gathering.. bahaha.. School’s starting soon so we decided to bring the kids out for some fun… The people present there included: Me, Michelle (Mich for short, my 9-year-old sister), Andy, Chan Hui (Andy’s 9-year-old brother), Sherrina (Sher for short, that’s my 18-year-old sister), Charles (Sher’s boyfriend) as well as Mark (Charles’ 11-year-old brother)..

All in all… 7 people.. We went all the way down to Clementi central to wreak havoc at the per hour arcade.. *hiAks*.. played for an entire 2 and a half hours… Everyone came out with either pain or injury.. muaHAHA.. abrasion between fingers.. sore legs.. back pain.. squinting bloodshot eyes.. haHAHA.. but we had fun.. that’s all that matters.. So it’s pretty worth it.. And Mich finally got her chance to play her favourite game over and over again.. the Taxi game.. And I also managed to lay my hands on the percussion mania.. the drums thingy game machine?? With the cymbals the bass and all?? Cool sia!! Hahahaha… d and I practically spent half the time there ah…

And how can I forget my driving talent (*baHAHAHAHA*)… Outrun!! Yea!! But because I spent too much time at the percussion thingy I only managed to drive my Yellow Ferrari 4 times… bahahaha.. happy le la…

Then came dinner… at the nearby KFC… had a great time there too… Eating and crapping… Laughing… eh.. almost forgot it’s an outing for da 3 KIDS… too carried away with ourselves man.. hahaha… :p

Yeps.. then we were on our way home.. d insisted that he wants to ride his bike over to my creep… but I denied that idea… was pretty late see… din want him to go back home during the wee hours… Managed to explain it to him…I know he sees the point im trying to bring him to… But im just trying to re-emphasize.…… what does that sound like?? *BINGO*… an old nag… damn… becoming more and more like one… argh… blehx

Thursday, December 30, 2004
02:43 p.m.

This used to be one of my favourite songs. And now it's back again. Been going thru my mind a lot of times today. I wonder why manx.. hahaha.. looney...

Thursday, December 30, 2004
02:40 a.m.

yea yea! Had a great day earlier on! FInally got to meet up with the JVG members...(aka J for JupGaL from Jupiter...that's gotta be me... V for Vensiali from Venus...that's Shuwen the pretty lady... And then Gracia Romania from Mars.. obviously that's dearie Grace... Put us together and we'll do nothing but JVG shit as well as wreaking havoc.. mUaHAHAHA... bleh...)

It's great to know that everyone's doing fine.. Feels great to be able to see them again.. More than just pure elation.. heE.. looking back.. we seriously went through a lot of stuff together.. Could never imagine all those dramatic episodes.. We used to say we could make an endless movie out of it.. bahaha.. Great to see Shuwen recovering too.. Pray to the Lord that she'll be well again..

spent half the day in town with JVG.. Talked lotsa crap.. Enjoyed it..THen went to Shuwen's Godsister's place to pick up their co-owned dog.. She calls it 'girl girl'...sure sounds lik wat my mom calls me.. bahahah.. doink de can.. and Grace was saying she wondered why.. bahAHAHA.. idiotic woman.. :p ... had fun walking the dog and crapping with them le.. the dog's got a super elongated body ah.. hahaha...

Ohx.. then after our usual JVG's 'san1 ba1' gathering.. d came to pick me up.. then we went back to my house and he was 'entertained' by none other than my 9-year-old sister, dear old Mich.. hahaha.. playing chess happily ah... now d's on his way back home.. on his bike.. about to rain le.. Dear Skies, please hold back your raindrops until my d reaches home.. thank you... baHAHAHA.. bLeh

Monday, December 27, 2004
11:33 p.m.

Wahx.. It's been some time since i last updated my blog.. Wasn't in hall see.. And i didn't expect i'll be back today as well.. Well...IM BACK!! IN HALL!! bahahaha.. finally!! but only for today and tomorrow... Managed to convince my mom to let me come back with Andy so that we could do some spring cleaning before semester starts...Didn't want dd to come back alone too.. So here i am!! Back in hall!! bahahah..

Okiex...Let's see..The last time i added my last entry was about a couple of days before Christmas.. How did i spend all my days after that?? Here's how..bahaha..

Christmas' Eve.. dd and i were supposed to meet at pasir ris mrt station..he bought me flowers! pink roses sia! heheh..(okiex i aint gonna admit i like pink roses :p)...then i gave him the other half of his Christmas present..he said he was very touched by my efforts..could tell ah..bahaha..good thing that he's happy.. and i tot my present for him was crappy...turned out well i guess... (O _,O)v ...

we then went to Escape Theme Park.. reached there at around 11am.. d's afraid of heights.. but knowing i enjoyed such rides he went with me nevertheless..you've got to believe that i was super touched by that..yep.. super.. had total fun there...

next..he brought me to Esther's birthday chalet..at Coasta Sands..had fun there too! Saw my dd in Santa's outfit.. was laughing like crazy...he looked amazingly looney (aint gonna admit he looked cute too)...bahahhah...anyways..yea...slipped off to the beach near the resort later..the view was great...cooling breeze..soft waters hitting the coast with those nice swishing tone...dd by my side..and that was my Christmas' Eve...

Then came Christmas..rather horrifying..woken up by my mother who apparently looked pissed..broke out the terrifying news to me that i was going to be grounded at home until school starts..all because i spent too much $$ for Christmas..ahHHHH! great start for a Christmas morning! doink can.. lidat ah...told d about it.. he then dropped by my place later in the night..a bit surprised le..Before i knew it.. Christmas was over...

26 December.. Sunday..went to Syafiq's house to tutor him.. then brought Mom, Mich and Sher out to an arcade in Clementi which d and i discovered... the arcade's way cool!! its payment goes by an hourly basis... 2 bucks per hour lehz!! how slammin's that?? you can play and meddle with all the machines there as many times as you wish!! bahahaha..ya..then sher went off to meet Charles' family for a post-Christmas gathering..i brought mom and mich for dinner.. then smoked my way out (by acting cute muAHAHAHA) and mom allowed me to go on to the streets again!! bahahaha...(sure sounds like some kinda prison bahahaha jokes ah) went to meet Andy ah... and he brought me to the Esplanade.. view there was great as well.. was walking around the rest of the night...that was my Sunday..

and now im back in hall and typing my spastic blog.. the washing machine should be done with all my clothes sparkling clean in a while..and im trying to fix my notebook too.. so for the time-being..dun miss me blog!!

Ciao!

http://tom.validus.ca/images/happiness.jpg

Thursday, December 23, 2004
12:16 p.m.

Wahahah..Look at da time man!! Just woke up awhile ago... hear me *oiNk*... baHAHA..

Leaving hall today..Won't be coming back until next semester i guess..When school starts..Sighs..What a drag..I'll miss this one month of life..Where studies are totally out of the picture..Everyday's just about netball, basketball and carrom..Eat, sleep, play...Doing a bit of household chores in hall now and then..And most importantly being able to spend time with d almost everyday..

Next semester everything's going to change. My way of life, that's what I'm talking about. Studies-wise's gonna be shitty. Accounting 1 and Statistics. Marketing. They're all gonna kill me. Swallow me up. Envelope me. Alrighty getting a bit too gothic. And then there'll be the GE, if i managed to register successfully.

Most obviously, I'm not gonna be alone now. There's d. I have to help him. How? Motivate him to study. I sincerely believe he is a smart being. As long as effort is put in, he can score well. Must make him unleash his potential. Hahaha. Yea. All the best d, you will get there. I know you can.

Christmas's around the corner. And the hole in my wallet's getting bigger as well. Bahahah. Tomorrow's Christmas' Eve. Will be spending it with d. Might be going to the beach and then to esther's birthday chalet (p.s. esther's one of andy's best friends). My d's gonna pose as Santa Claus at her party. Hahahaha. The thought of it just makes me chuckle. -gRinZ-

All of a sudden I feel that my future is getting bleaker and bleaker each day. It's like "Gosh! What da hell am i doing?? What am i doing all this for?? What's gonna happen at the end of the day??" I seriously think there's something wrong up in my stupid head. Always processing stupid questions. Providing stupid answers. And outputting stupid actions. All in all, stupid.

I know many people out there do not really understand who I am. But that's ok. The sad thing is, sometimes I do not even know myself.

"aGaiNsT mY wiLL i sTaNd bsIDe my owN reFLEctiOn..iT's hAunTiN..hOw i cAn sEEm.."

http://iridescentart.com/Iridescent/Marisa%27s_Gallery_1/mystery04.jpg

Thursday, December 23, 2004
12:47 a.m.

Was at the movies with d... Kung Fu Hustle... Less than 2 hours... Rather lame.. but had a good laugh.. if u're looking for one looney film..this is definitely it man... hahaha... yeA..

looking back it seems that i've watched several films together with d le... the very first was TAXI...then THE INCREDIBLES...trixie was there as well.. and then there was the real crappy one...THE FORGOTTEN...lamest show i've ever seen in my whole 19 years of cine-going... next was WITHOUT A PADDLE...NATIONAL TREASURE...KUNG FU HUSTLE...all in all...six movies within less than a month..bahahha..faintX can...marathon ah...

It is now 23 December 2004. 21 days since Andy and i got together. Honestly speaking, I do spend each day with hidden fear. It's at the back of my head, like a bomb whereby the timer could not be seen. Yes. Those questions. What's gonna happen when our relationship starts to fail? When are we gonna lose it all? How many days do we have left? I know there isn't any point thinking about them. And I know the meaning of self-fulfilling prophecy. But the fact is I just can't help pondering. Call me a weakling. I'd admit. I seriously have no idea when the shadows are going to go away. I'm getting rather tired. Get me out of this circle. Anybody. Please.

http://evesindia.indiainfo.com/health-fitness/img/lone.jpg

Wednesday, December 22, 2004
05:29 p.m.

it's crappy i tell ya!! argh!! my blog address used to be losin_grip.pitas.com... and bcos i did something stupid to it i had ta MOVE EVERYTHING (yea! everything!!) here to losin_grip85.pitas.com!! argH!! how stupid is that?? wasted time can?! and the address sound so much spastic now!! durH.. shoosh... alrighty.. i should stop complaining.. be glad that i managed to move everything smoothly..

just finished watching 3 episodes of Top On The Forbidden City.. the tv series by 5566 and K-1?? yea.. my dd bought the whole series for me manx..-shOws ofF-.. ultra touched le...bahaha..thanks d.. oh by the way he's sleeping in his room now..-shhHH-..

Looney le..im lik all dressed up and blogging, with my hair done up as well... why??.. bcos i intended to sneak out about 2 hours ago.. bahahah...but realised i was too tired to move about..sighs.. mission failed..

"I wish I could stand on a busy corner, hat in hand, and beg people to throw me all their wasted hours."
-BERNARD BERENSON

Wednesday, December 22, 2004
11:09 a.m.

Just came back from my IH basketball match... we lost...by a wee bit.. could have won though..i think i screwed it up that's why..bahaha...okieX...great...im gloating over my own mishap.. how crappy is that?!?

My dd came along to support me today..it was really a surprise and i must admit i was stressed the moment i saw him...ain't used to letting my people see me playing sports that i am not confident in.. but nevertheless.. thanks d... appreciated it... :) ... and im sorry i disappointed you... din manage to play much today also... trashy start for a wednesday morning...okieX..soZ.. what lies ahead for da rest of today?? no idea... going for lunch soon...with dd.. will be back to update this spastic blog of mine... tsk tsk..

"The first and the greatest commandment is, don't let them scare you."
-ELMER DAVIS

Tuesday, December 21, 2004
02:50 p.m.

Currently in north spine's free access lab.. Wei jun's on my left and Deniece on the right.. we're registering for our GEs..things are gettin kinda crappy..we have absolutely no idea what choices to make.. wrecking our good old brains now.. it's a miracle we survived all this shit and come so far to where we are..

Tuesday, December 21, 2004
10:42 a.m.

sometimes people just wonder why they have to do things they know are not right... not wrong thou.. but aint right either...u know it doesnt feel right bcos u feel needles pricking u deep in the chest after doing them...as thou u've sinned...strong word...but it fits the bill..that's what it seems to be..at least for now... i have absolutely no idea what da hell's happening...and i have no idea what im doing here on this vast planet earth...im lost...screwed up..disillusioned..is this what i wanted?

http://www.jf-clan.de/misc/gothic2/gothic2_render_highres.jpg

Monday, December 20, 2004
12:07 p.m.

first day on pitas.. nothing much to say..feeling a bit destructive today.. gothic.. save me before it's too late.. damn