Wednesday, July 24, 2002
there was a monkey that lived in a tree, well evolved,hairy and inventive was he. the first ever toilet he had in his mind soo he crapped in a birds nest,it worked out just fine. in a few moments the nest owner came back and sqeeked through the air with a squaaaak squaaak squaaak. all the birds came to diligently see what that dumb monkey had done to their tree. once it was realized that the monkey was an ass they shit all over his family. be creative and take chances, but don't get your family shit on

Monday, July 22, 2002
fear of the fear, and listless nights, i knew it once upon a time. i knew it to be in me and once it left it set me free to spin in my head all alone nowhone else to set aflaim the fears, unleash them to my brain. once upon a time there was chaos all about, then someone set my heart afire and all the chaos went out. one of these days i'll rescue someones life, then i will be transcended for most all of my life. i heard this old man preach to me once upon a time about moderation of everything and then you will be just fine. it made sense and practice it i did, till the day my soul had died and with it i had wept. i crawled back out of the hole watching other people die, then i felt my own pain and with that i denied. All the things that have been special, all the things with delight, all the the things of reassurence, all the things i fight came creeping in. it's ok they were my friends, they realized i helped them out by kindly falling in. every once in a while or sometimes twice a day they all balance themselves out,, for most of it i will say,,,,,,,,,, no maybe i won't say a thing

Friday, July 19, 2002
i've seen it all, well not really but don't tell a soul that you have seen this. i've squandard away my teritory on cheap squinting eyes. soul and hole, it seems the old begot the new eyes, or maybe they are the same and that is why there have been no reports out lately. traded my godhead for something less heavy what a think to do. i know the tradeback will be expensive. i am going to end up like sidhartha and spend the rest of my life staring at a stream, i can feel it. at this point i scream, and round in circles i go , once again it is 'what is left to find' That has always been the most difficult thing to obtain, more soo than aquiring it. why did i programam myself in the human DOS mode to believe that there is always more, always more, always more, always more, always more,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Thursday, July 18, 2002
has been in your head? the persistence. round and round electricity flows through my brain making my nose, itch. making my hands twitch. has it been in you the moments before sleep when fears of AHHHHHHHHHH play with your sleep. i have known nothing i have loved better, not since that night, that i came in my sleep after rendering the darknes my bitch for that plight. has it been in you head, mmmmmmm the persistance of truth crept in dark shadows, where the light brings no sooth. has it twisted itself through your body and adrenal glands has it told you a secret would you say if it did

Thursday, July 18, 2002
ok, ok soo all is one and all in all is all we are. but why?(that was my favorite thing to say as a kid) why are all things connected in some way? why does it matter who i let into my life to influence the way i am, why does it matter? why does the simple fact that all things are connected have to impact such thgings like karma, and when has it ever been said that all actions have an equal and opposite reaction,, hey wait that is a scientific and mathmatical expression. could it aply? and why is it that a good conversation goes in circles never stopping and always becoming bigger and more engrossing? could it be that all in all is really a mathmatical term? a scientific anomolie? are all things connected? i think soo, all life may be about documenting those connections, however one does it.

Wednesday, July 17, 2002
ok it's all better now,, yahoos of delite and splender, as i watch the 'old' cinder down to ashes that i use for war paint. i have examined it before and concluded the score to be nil/nil. i win once again. it always helps to be home team. like i said ,, it's all better now ,, no need to wonder how or what was said to make it happen. little small tails of wonderous spells in big bad forest-woods. the woods is where it lies awaiting all the spies to retrive its wealth and bring it back to the sun. i wonder if it cries being alone with the spies, when i feel soo much better

Wednesday, July 17, 2002
am i getting old, it seems that dreams have become pale and unwarrented, unwanted, paranoid. i have traveled, not far, more in depth to see inside the bubble past the beutiful colors and hughs. now, now is different, i could never bring myself to say everything has been written so why would i do it again. but i want to. i would never say thet everthing has been explored, but i want to. i would never say i will most definately fall in love, but i want to. now we are back to were we were, nowhere in comparison to were we have been, and now i would like to say something. get us out of here take us somewhere more dangerous, a place were my feelings may hurt.

Wednesday, July 17, 2002
confusion, not a preface just a statement and then we all fall down. on the ground with pockets full of posies,, some things i suppose are better left undone. then why do them. is it love, is it weakness. *tip of hat in the calm manner to get the sun out of the eyes* after the suns down soo are we. restless until it's time and and after arrival to a strange place, *silence* confusion, groveling in 'i thought you did it's'. *tip hat up* 'sunrise' lets try this again only lets turn the posies onto the floor.

Tuesday, July 16, 2002
sometimes what is in the mind seems to leave endtrails. those endtrails seem to effect the nervous sytem. apparently extreme work in the medical industry seems to get rid of the sex drive, or i should say i have had a momentary loss of sexual vision. where normally i think about sex soo many times a day(i won't say how many) today that number seems to have decreased. i have been working hard. i can't say it is from a lack of time i could just say that it doesn't want to cross my mind. damn!! when life sucks there is always thoughts of sex to rely upon. maybe tommorow will be a better day.

Tuesday, July 16, 2002
well well well, looks like it might be time to spill all my guts to this page for you to see what i can't speak aloud