Wednesday, August 7, 2002
MEDITATION DID ME WRONG yet still i chant the krishnas, and still i look to the sky. one of these days awareness will be soo high that not a god around will strike fear into our hearts. atleast not as much as pollution will. now with a broken heart and a new search for something to believe in, hope runs high. i suppose it has to in order to produce a new god, a new ONE, a new center in me. it's funny how some things stay as a literal scar on the soul. how old can i get, how scared can i be. how far will we go

Tuesday, August 6, 2002
bye

Monday, August 5, 2002
shhhhh, do you hear that? mystery, show me magic. it's a solemn disgrace. don't believe what you feel, these are all allusions, just as it always has been. in time truth becomes the allusion once again, and then we sleep, on to dreams of truth. dispair in a cycle that ends and begins, i thought it was a perfect circle.

Wednesday, July 31, 2002
lets add to my collection, i would like to start off by adding sorrow for missconception and shallow hope. i should like to add optomism for the opposite end in observance of all the things possable. i think it is time that i add spirituality, it's been a while since i have talked to god, but then he hasn't exactly made a real effort to talk to me. besides, he can be such a prick sometimes always talking about this is the way things are. and then you tell other people and they don't belive. it's like, "hey asshole are you questioning the will of god. oh, i should too, oh, oh, oh, ok." and then you are were i am questioning everything. i think it would be nice to add a little humility for all the times i have said "no, no thanks." oh and what about a little gratitude for all the peoples i have made questionable that probably didn't deserve it. maybe i should add a little hatred for the times that i needed a defense. it seems that hatred can sway the heart from loving things. in conclusion ,, maybe i should add a little conclusion to my life. i was never good at making new chapters, i seem to just let everything run together. maybe it could bennefit me in some way.

Tuesday, July 30, 2002
"what are ulterior motives to you? yes first caller?" "um yes um ulterior motive are when you say one thing and you mean another." "ok caller one that sounds a lot like a plain old lie. Do we have any other callers that can be a little more specific, with maybe some examples? ok next caller." "hi, my name is keisha and my dog had some alterior motives the vet said." BEEEEP "Ok yes next caller." "yes sir, i was going to the beer store and a bum sitting outside the beer store asked for a dollar, he said he was hungry so i gave him a five to feed him. i got my beer got in my car then i saw him go into the beer store and buy some beer. i think he had ulterior motives." "caller, did you not think anything of him being in front of a beer store askin for money?" "well i just wanted to help him, no i didn't assume that he was going to buy alchohol." "ok well it's obvious that guy didn't deserve it but, well maybe he did deserve that lesson. People their are ulterior motives everywhere we look. ok next caller your on." "hello, when i met my wife i explained to her that in the past i have wanted to leave a relationship, soo my girlfriends would lie just soo that i would stay around. my wife said that she would never do that, i believed her completely even though other people told me that she would probably do it also. sure enough i am married now and i find truths that i wouldn't have stayed around for. now the kids and all that mess got me really frustrated. that is an ulterior motive for ya." "caller i think that was just the example i was looking for ,,, and with that said i can drive my point home. trust NO-ONE. just take well calculated risks

Monday, July 29, 2002
all is not lost. pick up the last phew playing cards and be on your way. *a whisper comes to my back and says* "this is all you have ever wanted." how could that have been said, what i have always wanted has never been performed and besides all i have ever wanted is to never stop wanting. i have picked up my cards i have gotten back on the bus and to the stream i go to float with the rest. yes, i am bitter, yes i am frustrated, yes i do still want. let me glutten myself with fear as to negate my self from it's chains. it may have been the only way all long, i mean it got me this far and so on. yet there is still that whisper to my back.

Monday, July 29, 2002
*looks to the sky, notices that the sky and the clouds are more crisp and clear than on the tv and computer.* "how long has it been since i looked to the sky? wow life is soo perfect. why can't i be more like life?"

Friday, July 26, 2002
*a man in a car with another* both styled in thick british accent "soo, you planned your death yet aye?" "noo, i thought i'd just leave the money for me folks and let them take care of it" "well what makes you think that your folks el' be around to deal with et?" "well they have always been there before, and lets face et, if we keep chasen these pigs around we aint gonna be round much longer." "yea, your right. i aint got no bussiness plannin my funeral. i mean i aint responsable enough to get a decent job, now am i. atleast one were i ant skinnin my hyde every blastin day." "maybe we could move to awaii and sell diwdos to all the beutiful wemon." "but we'd ave to rob banks to get there. honestly gerald you aint got a ounce of real ambition in you ave you. i mean what are we doin we are like brick shit-ouses when it comes movin on to bigger and betta." "well i say we nick this pig and get a cup of coffe and start plannin for the future" "we did that last week you hob-nob git, i swear gerald a bloody brick shit-ouse" scene ends both shakin their heads pointing at eachother

Thursday, July 25, 2002
there were two men standing in line to buy tickets for a concert. the attendant said that the tickets were sold out. one guy says to the other. is that it, we don't get tickets? the other guy says, well there are only soo many seats, i guess that's final. a woman in a clinic goes for a short operation, when it's over she says "that isn't as final as it could have been" and then she cries and says, "well maybe it was" a man jumps from an airplane with a parachute, he lands on the ground smoothly and says "whoooo the ground,, finally" "students, we must prepare, in two weeks is your final." "i looked upon the beuty of war and saw that it was final" einstein talks to his kids, "all actions have an equal and opposite reaction, and that is final."