Friday, June 21, 2002
Amazingly, I woke up before ten this morning, voluntarilly, that is. The morning is great thinking time, when you do not feel rushed, that is, if you are not running late for school, work, whatever. But I seriously find this time of the day most enthusing, when I can plan to be accomplished and think of all the glorious things I may be able to complete in this one holy day. A lot of people don't value "a day" but I do- more than anything.
A day... so much can be done in just a single one. If I'm nervous about an upcoming event, it gives me time enough to conquer stomach rumblies. Or if there's an assignment, I can do that, too. I guess that one could be actually procrastination, technically. But the real value comes at dusk when I begin to wind down and stop working. Again, I have personal thinking time, but now I can fall asleep with a clean smile on my face... so that when I wake up it will still be there.
Laura slept a dream at 09:00 a.m.
Wednesday, June 19, 2002
Some belated news...
Cake, Modest Mouse, Flaming Lips, De La Sol, and Kinky are all on tour together.. for the Unlimited Sunshine tour! I wasn't too excited about it at first, but there's a glint of hope that I may be able to attend!! I would love love love to go; though the closest is at the Berkeley Greek Theater, a friend's mom may drive us... it's outdoors... sounds like a shitload of enjoyment. *crosses fingers* please please don't let anything come up to stop me.
Laura saw some hope at 10:32 p.m.
Tuesday, June 18, 2002
Another lonely summer day past. Another driving lesson with the senile old pickle. I swear he really is biased... At the beginning, he says, "Students who play sports have better hand-eye coordination" but later, when my right turns fail to be absolutely perfect, he says, in a sour tone, "YOU play badminton?" Well I may not be very fantastic at it, but fuck, do you have to be so crude? Anyway, we went to pick up this cheerleader chick, and she drove me home. While listening, he was totally nice to her in every way he wasn't to me. Stupid little guy who favors jocks.
Don't you worry now... I cared much less today. On the inside, I was laughing at him, trying to motivate me, the bastard. At home, I do admit I sobbed a bit, but you know, it does say something; the fact that I have had so few direct incults to my face that this, of all things, effects me the most. I have good friends. They protect me, I suppose. Why do I have to be so vulnerable, though...?
Laura forgot about it at 03:27 p.m.
Monday, June 17, 2002
I feel terrible. Behind the Wheel Driver Training, you would excpect them to be good teachers if they've done it over 40 years. It is a widely accepted idea that not avery individual learns the same. Why is yelling considered a good tactic? I am so incredibly fed up with coaches gone teachers who make you feel like shit, thinking you will then perform better. I already realize I am an overly sensitive person, but really, how can anyone just sit there in a car and not do anything? Well, the only reason I did was because I had to. I couldn't just stop the car or anything. I suppose he knows so; that's why he does it, maybe.
But as soon as I walked past the sidewalk and knew he was gone, the tears wouldn't stop. They keep on too, every time I think about it. Am I really that horrid of a driver that he had to make me feel like I was truly the worst in the world? Gentle accusations are fine by me, but you don't need to flip out. Jesus Christ... and the thing is... I totally couldn't lash out or anything. That's what hurts the most ... being held captive in there while my emotions are roaring on the inside, wihtout any outlet. Although now I feel like a nutcase, worrying about some old fart who I only have to see twice more and then never again...
I'm not blaming this on my mother because I know she isn't observant like this, but... In my entire life, I have epitomized typical coach type guys as the ultimate evil. When I was young and my parents forced me to play sports, I cried because I knew the coach would get angry when I let a goal past me. Same goes today, when this guy starts rambling about his coaching days at what-the-fuck-do-i-care school, I knew I was in for it, and indeed, I was. It's just one of those things where I know myself better than my mom does, and I know that this trainer and I are not a very compatibel match.
Laura kicked and screamed at 04:35 p.m.
Sunday, June 16, 2002
Although my brother has been home from college for over two weeks now, it didn't make all the difference until today. It being Father's Day, I was not the only child around to celebrate. It's great to have him back. I love messing around with him. I can't think of any other way to put it except "dimples". I know, that must sound strange, but when I think of him, I think of dimples. Maybe because he has dimples? Or because he makes me smile, and I have dimples? Either way, it's just rewarding for both of us to be off of school simultameously. ( I know I spelled that wrong, I know.)
Tomorrow I do behind the wheel driver training. To be honest, I really am nervous. This is when the pompous thoughts kick in. Everyone my age who wants to drive has to do this, and some of them are much more unintelligent than I, so hopefully, I won't be as bad as them, right? Okay, so that was rude. But hey, whatever gets you through the night...
Laura wined and dined at 01:40 p.m.
Friday, June 14, 2002
I just talked to someone who never signed my yearbook, and it made me angry at myself. I thought he would go out of state next year, and I would never see him again. I hate that feeling of meeting someone for the first time and thinking how much you would love to get to know them but you later find out the odds of meeting up again are 400,543,234 to 1. According to him, we're gonna chill this summer. Even if he's just saying that, it makes all the difference. He's only one person, but it seemed like everyone on my "Will Miss Over Summer" list would agree with him. That's kinda cool. =)~~~
HAVE A HEARTY SUMMER EVERYONE I WON'T SEE!
Laura skipped rocks at 12:35 p.m.
Friday, June 14, 2002
Sophomore year is in the can. I always thought that was a horrible figure of speech. I don't even know why I used it except that it sounds a bit odd. Anyway, I had such a fantabulousa year I don't want it to be over! I'm not so naive as to think anything is forever, but the hope still gnaws at the edge of my brain. Oh, hell, maybe it wasn't that this year was so great as much as last year was so bad. Because, you can't have excitement without a previous downfall, right?
i am more than overjoyed that I will never again have to see the "spanish teacher from hell" (as she has been dubbed) ever again, but there's so many other things I am going to miss. How corny am I, huh? Well, there's a lot of people I didn't really get to know until the end of the year. People who I wanted to sign my yearbook but never got around to finding them. People who probably won't remember me next year, and those who i will definatly not see over summer.
The year in friendship turbulances has had it's way with more than a few people, if you know what I mean, but I have hope for us. I think this summer will once again bring the ties with people back together again. Maybe without school hanging over our heads we can all learn to let it all "hang out" without the worry and stress some seem to have. And finally, although there are some things that will never change, I propose (for myself) that I clean out the bitterness I have held for some, in order to optimize the summer's potential for fun.
Our crew has a nice excursion to the Santa Crus mountains planned at the end of this month. I think it will flow nicely, we're all friends, after all. I just this is a reminder to everyone that while we are mature and can take care of ourselves, we are also childish. I just want everyone to accept that. It seems every once in a while, someone will become upset, blaming Ryan for wanting to grow up too fast, or me for acting like a crazed twelve year old, but if people remember that, I think they would just dismiss the situation. Or maybe it's just me, because I would do that.
I think sometimes people forget that we're friends. That even when they go off to converse with their more popular, older sports team friends (or whoever it may be) that even though at the time we may feel ditched, neglected, and jealous, we'll be there for them later, when they get thrown out for trying to get in someone's pants. =D
No, but really, the point is, I know your weakness, and you know mine, let's all forget about our past crimes.
Laura moped at 11:55 a.m.
Wednesday, June 12, 2002
Ever had a situation tainted by your own stupid emotions? No, I'm not talking about twitterpation. This past month or more, I've become a friend (more or less) with a girl I have known since I was age 5. In elementry school, I thought she was "neat" but I also didn't want to be her accomplice. And it wasn't because the greater portion of the school looked down upon her, either.
At the beginning of this year, I looked at her and thought to myself, "Why didn't I want to be so close with her back then? I musta been some kind of stupid. No harm here." But at this moment, *after* I have talked to her for whiles on random nights, it occurs to me that my judgement wasn't all that off scale back then anyhow.
The more I become acquainted with her, the more flaws and lies I uncover underneath her little facade. The underlying truth about her, despite her "I'm different!!" philosphy, is that she wants to fit in with everyone. This causes great lies and stealing of other people's identities. She wants to be one of the Honors intellectuall kids, but her ideology is straight out of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. She wants to find new music and movies to introduce to all the indie kids who haven't heard of it yet- but she steals them from someone else. It'd be different if I was positive she believed and thouroughly enjoyed each item, but no!!
In November, you could ask her if she likes so-and-so band, with a negative response. Four months later it's "Oh I had no idead you liked them Laura! They're my favorite band for like... a year now!!" Right here, I call her on this little lie. And yet, she lies again saying *I* must be mistaken. No, no, I think not.
So why is it that I cannot hurt her feelings in an honest manner? The other night, she was being overly dramatic, saying she never did anything with her friends. "That's such bull shit! I see you all the time at shows with those people from school! And you talk about all these times you've gone to people's houses!" (That was me retorting) And all that stuff is true. But then she says, "NO Laura. That doesn't count. I don't get to spend time with my true friends, like you, Jessie, Maggie... Ryan, Jason, Beth and everybody. I see pictured of you guys doing stuff all the time and I am NEVER invited." Okay, stop right here. You know what? Of course you're never invited!! Probably because half the people don't like spending time with you. She's not a horrible person, but as it is, our group could NEVER have anyone more who always needs to stand in the spotlight. The others things, too, though, would get oon everyone's nerves. The lying, the klepto-ing of not only personal possesions and personal preferences, not to mention the political standpoints she pulls out of her ass. That would never work. Ever. If you are questioning why, it's because you don't know the people I hang out with. I think we're a kind of our own, refined solely for the purpose of being with eachother. Hehe. not really. Although seriously, teh majority of us are very opinionated, critical, and don't bow down to the meek.
I can't take this anymore, but... I don't have the heart to tell her. I tried to say it nicely, but she thinks I must be joking. Everything I say to her is wrong, she always shoots me down. Now I remember why I stopped being her friend in the first place.
Laura recalled the decipated at 10:35 p.m.
Wednesday, June 5, 2002
God Dammit. Today sucked hard. Despite waking up late and going to school in clashing green pants and a blue and black shirt that I was forced to wear because my cat peed on my newly washed pile of laundry, I was in a great mood. In the car, as I was combing through my damp mass of tangled hair, I notice the most hideaous growth I have been trying to get rid of for three days has once again sprouted up. Now I'm thinking "Fuck this shit. Just... damn it all to hell."
At this point, I do not care about the superficialities that I did when I woke up. I was set on having a decent day, right after I talked to Jenny. So, then, it was "all good". The height of my day had to have been 100% on our history quiz. (History is my first class, mind you) But of course, following that, things went downhill from there. My Spanish teacher, who is actually illiterate, I swear, takes off points of my grade for not having 12 bell activities but only 11. Well now, I know what you are thinking, but no, it was not fair. There was one day in May she never gave us a warm-up. Everyone in our class had 11, given that they had done all of them. She just couldn't get it through her thick skull. And people in that class can be so moronic! They treat the smart sophomores with such a could shoulder; making fun of our videos sometimes. They complain about getting shafted becuase their video got a C and we got an A. But you know what? There's something called utilizing aquired information, which obviously they don't do.
Lunch was, well, not a spiff-a-riffic day for me. I just kind of lounged around waiting for something to happen, and yeah, English was cool today. Like always, we didn't do anything. It was nice to visit with Tomm and his friend Pat. They provided entertainment and all.
But then I had to go home. And I found out the big boss at work was handing over the database entries to some large vacation coorporation. Fucking A. This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. I even asked, "You aren't planning on selling these names, are you?" No, of course not they all replied. Well, now, my work is cut down a whole lot (not that I mind *that* too much) but Maggie has no work, and just, well, the thing that made me angry is that the idea of selling the names is just so unethical. A business is based on respect. Respect towards the workers; respect towards the clients. Mr. Incharge has neither of those. For using us on and off for his little database, being fickle about if he wanted us to work or not, he's just been treating us like some marrionettes on strings. And now... Now we can't anymore, and all those good people we've entered are going to be exploited by some vacation company. Those two things right there violate the respect *I* had for the company becuase at this point, they have no respect for me so whay should I return the favor.
Only a few people stood up to it, like my mom, and her boss. But two out of 6 arent't the best odds. Those people are full of Bull shit. This is exactly why I want to own my own business. But I also want to run it my way, based on the principles described above. Harumph.
Anyway, we go out to dinner. At which point my mother starts yelling at me for not having 4.0, talking on the phone too much, doing something every Friday evening with my comrades. Well, you know what? For me, a 4.0 is a struggle. There's that one math class that is so very harsh. I am pleased with my solid B, to be quite honest. I could know the same amount of information, and have a different teacher but have an A. But then, that's not fair either, becuase it wouldn't be deserved. I'm not bashing anyone who has Mr. Quinn, although, I do think that he is an easy grader. It just makes me upset my mother doesn't take things into consideration. And then... talking on the phone too much? I haven't done that since beofre badminton season. Besides, is going out once a week honestly too much to ask? Sheesh, I am just in a pissy mood tonight.
Laura polished it up at 08:57 p.m.
Tuesday, June 4, 2002
Skipping P.E. right now, which allowed me a nice leisurly morning, thank god, becuase i haven't had one in a while. I completed not one but TWO major assignments and I couldn't be prouder. The end of the year is really getting to me; causing me to slack off everywhere. But whoo, I actually did something. At the moment, a new layout is in the works, which will also hopefully inspire me to write more frequently. (Not to mention *quality* posts)
I have this secret love of flea markets, garage sales, and vintage or "love me two times" shops/places/events. You can find the most unique items, and becuase usually they are one of a kind, it feel sorta like you were choosen to find this particular article. Our school, Branham, has a little flea market I was volunteering at a while ago. During my break, I was walking around and found a bonafide Japanese Sailormoon pencil holder for 50 cents! What a steal! I also bought Tony a back scratcher for Dad's Day. What's that, you say? WHy did I use his first name?? Oh, I don't know, becuase I want to that's why.
Laura felt emphatic about not being static at 09:23 a.m.
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