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Here lies my story:
< Conversing with an insightful friend of mine the other night, I came to the conclusion as I have many times before that stereotypes and labels are just inevitable. I think they can be described with that overused quote: "Can't live with 'em; Can't live without 'em." The reason is because I hate stereotypes and the likes, of course, and so do most other people, but it's hard to avoid them as well. Even those without a religious belief have their athiest namecards. Not a day passes when someone says, "You know, Michelle. That punky chick who hangs out with the prepps" among other terms. Basically, you and I can complain all we want (because personally I would feel guilty if I didn't because I don't *want* to promote the usage) but no matter how much we whine nothing can be done about it. SO, that is what I have unfortunately come to accept. I will still strive to create a non-genre which is and always will be untitled. (Because otherwise, that would defeat the purpose.) Laura typed in a wee lil bit at 08:15 p.m. So, Maggie's making a list of her lover-ly bands, eh? Okay, so, here's my list of lover-ly television shows and such, keeping in mind that some of them I watched for a short period of time while I was dillusional... you also get to see my guilty pleasures that I'm embarrassed of: Cowboy Bebop Cheers Spongebob Squarepants Caitlin's Way Lizzie McGuire The Simpsons Sailormoon Inu-Yasha Space Ghost Coast To Coast (only sometimes) Doctor Who Monty Python Real World (depends on the season) Cardcaptor Sakura Batman Batman Beyond Powerpuff Girls Flash Forward Bug Juice Laverne & Shirley Happy Days Pepperane Behind the Music (depends on the artist, though) MTV Cribs Diary Those are the only ones I can remember at the moment. Pretty skimpy and shallow, huh? Laura was a copycat at 09:32 p.m. You ARE a person of substance. (You know who you are...) Laura had a delayed reaction at 08:35 p.m. Security makes me complete and content. And that is what I have. School is honestly the only activity I should worry about. All the other items fall into place respectively. I ought not to complain about it when others aren't as well-off as I am, socially speaking. My family is terrific. Unlike the other half of the divorced population, mine are still together. I'm not trying to divorce is bad, but it can cause emotional struggle; and that particular struggle is something I have never had to deal with. I'm not an only child longing for siblings and extra attention, nor am I a neglected middle child causing trouble everywhere I go. I've got my brother who I treasure like no other, and who can enlighten me with information I didn't know and make me laugh more than anyone else, yet still remain serious enough to cry in front of when I have a crueling situation. My parents trust me, and I can talk to them like one of my friends about almost everything. It's nice, really, to be able to have a conversation concerning drugs and such so that later on, I won't be questioned on my usage of them. They already know my point of view, they don't even need to ask. And my friends, well, they sometimes piss me off each with their little quirks, but overall I enjoy them whole-heartedly. If you took all the people I consider to be my "more than acquantinces" and lined them up to look at them like police photographing their suspects, although without the bad connotation, you would see a diverse bunch, I think. Most of my closer friends have matured with me through seventh and eigth grade, and we have all developed our own opinions. Ryan and his republican nature that everyone else opposes but still puts up with, things like that. And although certian people may have drifted apart, I support that because, in all honesty, why would we want to segregate ourselves and be forced to stay in one certain circle of people? Everyone has differences that they should overcome for the common relationship. No one should go through life with a set statement hanging in their mind forbidding them to speak to anyone who isn't popular, has a different political party, has below a C average, or happens to be a little punky rebel kid. I think that's what happened with Ryan. But you know what? He needs to get over himself. The point is, and I'm not trying to sound like a little peace for the world kid entirely, why can't we all just get along? He he. Although maybe I shouldn't be talking, because, I have plenty of problems with other people myself. Laura got into human nature at 11:12 a.m. I channeled all my negative energy into something not exactly positive but something uplifting. Hehehe.  This is for all you uber-kids out there, man! Wear it with pride, I guess? Laura shined at 04:55 p.m. I just went to Arby's and saw this girl there who went to my school last year. She doesn't know I transferred or anything, but that's perfectly logical considering we aren't vary good friends at all. This was the girl I had loads of problems with. She's a smart-ass who's outwardly mean and does the whole name-calling thing just because you happen to have the same shirt as her. So when I walk by to leave, she tells her friends, "I know her" So that when I exit through the door near them, this chick says, "Hey Del Mar sucks" Yeah, like I don't know that already. I don't even go there. I guess all in all it just brought back all these memories of last year that made me want to curl up and cry. Last year was the worst of my life, or what I have experienced so far. I hope that never repeats itself because I doubt I could handle it. I'm such a weak person, and I hate to deal with chauvinistic assholes like that. I know I should overcome it, but in all honesty I'm not sure I should. Whenever I try to stand up for myself, I end up looking like an idiot. And when I don't. people just assume I'm naive. So there's this party going on, right, where all the little kids from school are going to go meet at this chick's sister's house and drink beer like at any other party on the face of the earth. Well, not that I would go, because why would I if it's going to be people I don't know getting drunk and throwing up all over my clothes? Naw, kidd; kidd. But no one except for the person who truly knows my nature will even think of mentioning it in front of me. It's like, "Yeah you know, that, uh, thing I'm uh, doing on Thursday night..." Like I don't know. All you people have been discussing this one thing for such a long time. And today is the day the hostess decides to say something along the lines of, "Yeah well, there's this party going on and a lot of the people are going to be drinking so you know, that's why I didn't invite you guys." Yeah, like I've never been around drunken bastards before. And she says it like she never *ever* drinks when everyone knows she stashes vodka in her jacket when she can get her hands on it. And she goes on to say "peer pressure" like we've never dealt with anything like that before. Seriously, what is wrong with people that they must make inaccurate assumptions based on what little information they know of people? I just want to cuss them out when it's something like this. Teenagers today are absolutely mistaken if they think that someone who has a GPA higher than a 2.5 cannot drink. Classification sucks. But I believe we've already established that. Besides, I have drunken before but I'm not enough of a bragging prick to go around and tell stories about it. Everyone has consumed alcohol so get over it. Aside from feeling like I want to smack something around with a potato sack because of some dumb-ass girls I know, I'm pretty okay. Math final turned out not to be as hard as I thought it would be, and Biology was easy too. Although I know I bombed history, but who doesn't, eh? But I'm tired and depressed and angry right now and I don't know how to cope so I'm just going to get off this flimsy chair. Laura wept in a corner at 01:25 p.m. Guess what? Maggie and I are... UBER-BRIGHT! Laura got happy at 07:34 p.m. Time studying is not well spent. I haven't learned anything for Algebra, and I blame it all on...Jason. No, not really. That's okay. A bad grade can't ruin me too much. Laura is screwed at 05:42 p.m. Well, Monday has finally arrived. A day with no point to me, although others say it was meant for studying. Yup, I'll study. I know I have to. If I get even B+'s my parental units will look down on me. I wish they had been more strict throughout the entire year. They slacked off scolding me and I slacked off in school. And now I arrive here. I am truly dissappointed in myself, but the only person to blame is, well, myself of course. I'm not gifted with intelligence or good memory. Hell, I don't even have a long attention span. I can't even say what my best is anymore just because I totally don't know. Laura was squished under a pile of books at 09:57 a.m. I think I've about had it living my life. I'm not saying that I'm going to go slit my wrists or anything, because I'm actually quite far from suicidal. In english we discussed the fact that a life without ups and downs would be boring to live. But isn't a life with ups and downs boring then as well? Everything repeats itself. So how can I enjoy riding this rollercoaster for the 30th time this month? Anything is bound to get old after a while, no matter if it has climaxes or not. All I want is a change. Instead of being the stalker, I want to be stalked. Maybe not that extreme, but it would be nice to have something going on out of the ordinary. Generally, everything is ordinary. School is ordinary. I see the same people every day, go to the same dirty classrooms, and read the same sometimes torn textbooks. And every day I come home to my dusty room with clothing scattered all over the floor. And usually my cat cries for me to pet him, but I don't because I have to go to my spot in the living room to sleep with the blue and white blanket. Those are the normal every day things I do. But then there are monthly (or more often) occurences that are becoming all to redundant as well. There's always been the one who I am enamored with, who one week will hug me and the next will completely ignore me. And the grades which drop then are brought back up again. The friendships which thrive then boil down to hatred perhaphs for a short period of time. Little quarrels here and there that usually don't even become resolved, but they pass in their own time. And shallow moments of pity later forgotten due to overall triumph. It's not true that I enjoy these ups and downs. Ms. Nelson was wrong. It's all too repetitive. Laura repeated herself once more at 10:32 a.m. I knew it! I knew Maggie was writing about me... *sighs* Well I knew it was my fault. I shouldn't have disregarded her on the phone this evening. It's all these journals' fault. You know, if I hadn't read hers I would've been more receptive. Although I was sleepy and rude that wasn't really an excuse not to listen to her. Wah, I'm being a bad friend today. I'm sorry I was neglecting you todya Maggie. I sincerely regret it although this keyboard doesn't quite type it the best. But then, what would we be without these instances? Just bored fools sitting around complimenting eachother's nail polish. But that's not to say I *want* these things to happen. Next time, I'll listen to you through thourougly. Dammit, I spelled that wrong. You're always there for me, and it's quite selfish that I'm not there for you, but I will be in the future. You did make me feel really bad about what you wrote in your blog, so I can see and feel that you must've been upset. (no duh) I guess besides those facts, online diaries are controversial. The bad, behind-people's-back is written, then taken back sometimes at a later date. Then the apologies from both parties. Other than that, the superb and stellar moments fill out the rest with the nuetral comments as well. It's kind of funny that this writing was the cause of it all in some respects. Hmm... Laura sulked at 07:52 p.m. A few nights ago, Maggie and I had a supremely bitter chat online which carried over to our phone conversation generally detailing faults of human behavior. Even so, most people have learned to overcome these things, except for that one unfortunate soul who pisses us off ever-so-much with her idiosyncrasies. Usually, I just let the anger wear itself out until it doesn't want to exist anymore. And then my feelings are just dormant for a short while until there is another uproar. And the cycle repeats just like the falling in and out of love thing. Well, I'm not upset anymore, mind you, but I was. And I will be in about, oh, I'd say three or four days. Although Maggie wasn't spared by bitterness. I wonder who it is this time... I hope it isn't me! =/ Laura became perplexed at 07:17 p.m. I found these old blog entries I had written at the beginning of last year. They honestly make me sick. I was closed-minded and snotty. I seriosuly think these are quite degrading. But I will post them to make you laugh... 9/24/00 If you want my old logs, then you should go to OLD-ish. Thats where I'm stashing them from now on. Them, and future "retired entries". I don't write in this often, but then again, nothing interesting happenens in my life anyway. hehe. yesterday, jessie, maggie, sam, jenny, ryan, jesse, and I got dinner at willow street (FREE), and messed aroung in the mall. its real nice to be with people you dont get ta see everyday, you know?? *sniffs* but thats ok, i mean, we are still good friends. right now, im trying to think of a gift for jenny's birthday. i was going to make her a Jenny Barbie, but i don't know.....(hope she doesnt read this) :) other than that, nothing is going on here. a coupla days ago, we were reading that story, The Lottery... you know , the one where they stone a random person to death, and we had our own mini lottery, and i got picked! i got pelted with wads of paper!! that was so embarrassing!! WAH!! then, in drivers ed, we were using the simulators, and the teacher kept on yelling at me cos i was bouncing around on the speeeeeedometer! he was like, "1 mph....oh, oh!! 2 mph!!! wait, no, 45!?!? What are you doing?? this is a residential area!!! what is the speedlimit??? (me= 25) THAT"S right, what are you doing. strike one for you!! three strikes and your out." then, me and my sensitive soul cried in front of my brother and his friends after school.......he made me wear his sunglassess so people couldnt see me watery eyes. but the next day, i aced my driving test, and the only thing i did wrong was turn left when we were going the other direction!!(ok, so it is a bigger mistake, but, hey) oooh, i am so happy right now!! i could just jump!! but i wont. i will wake up my family. hehehe. okay, thanx 4 reading . caio BR> 9/26/00 Deadly Beauty. That is the name of today's DBZ episode. GOD!! how lame is that. Unless their talking about vegeta..(No, its #18) But yeah. Guess what? you know that guy i sit kinda near in drivers ed? oh, he is so cool.!!! and yesterday, he was talking to his friend [insert name here], and i heard him say how cool i was. :) Big Grins 2day!! ehhhh heee. yeah, and so, i am all happy about that. *sighs* not much to say, except we have a weightroom at del mar, and we hafta use it everyday. i must say...i like it....because it is a really nice way to burn calories. (hey, this is really wierd, the guy on TV has a big rig full of paper clips! HA!) strange huh? well, i gtg check on my home-made strawberry ice cream now!!!! 9/28/00 Hehehe. I put that picture of Jenny on the side today. It's a nice touch, dontcha think?? Today at school was wierd, because we were working in Inquiry and Expression, and this girl (she is the popular snotty type) named Jenna, she asks me who i am taking to homecoming. Naturally, i say i don't even know if i am going. so she says oh you should go with fabio (another guy who sits at our table; kinda cutehas an accent, and popular too) that got me really mad because she was all trying to make me "admit my love" or something. And she told him i liked him. well see, it got me pissy when she said that coz she tried to make me embarrassed, when i know he has a girlfriend. STUPID GIRL!!! rrrrrg.... then later in driver's ed, i was talking to this girl named stacey. shes really cool. and funny too. she plays bass. not in a band but she knows how to do it. but she is friend's with patrick, too interesting, huh? other than that nothing much else happened. or at least nothign interesting. but that's ok, right? right!! I can't believe how annoying I sound... Am I still like that? I bet I am. =/ Oh well. Laura was disgusted at 08:45 p.m. I have overcome all my worst fears! The demons previously haunting me have been extinguished due to my hard work. They couldn't suppress me after all! The history presentation was said to be "second best" which is good enough for me. And even Spanish class has given me the opportunity to find kind people willing to converse with me. I feel as though my life has taken an abrupt turn upwards to heaven. Although I may not make it there, I am on the path to happiness, which, in itself pleases me to the highest degree. A moment of bliss is worth the pain and turmoil that follows, becuase I know there will be an enlightening period sometime afterward. The process will repeat, and I can always rely on it. This is a day of love. Laura rejoiced at 08:21 p.m. Aww no! I've got so much anxiety right about now. I'm one of those gawky little kids who hates public speaking. It wouldn't be so bad if my voice wasn't so timid and if I could speaking with slurring, but that just doesn't work for me. I have a fear that when I'm standing up there everyone will point and laugh at me, then go on to tell their friends about it. As you can see, I care too much waht people think of me. And finals are soon. Too soon. Normally, this would just be a breeze for me because I used to pay attention the entire year, so I would be knowledgable when it came down to testing. But this year, my finals are my last hope to bring my grades up. It's not the best situation to have all these projects, papers, and extra homework due in the fourteen days surrounding the week of finals. GAH! Imma die! Laura pulled her hair out at 10:23 p.m. Cowboy Bebop is on tonight! No matter how many times I watch that show I just never get tired of it. Faye Valentine is a complex character. She intrigues me. Yes! Another day to mark off my calendar... Laura got hyped at 09:42 p.m. I'm still in the process of making my dream-recorder and things, but until then I have to use this, otherwise I'll foget. So here's last night's adventure in dreamland: I'm not sure how, but apparently I was going out with this guy. Either that, or we were just extra affectionate. Anyway, we lived in this house with about ten other friends form school, although most of them were my friends instead of his. (Although realisticly, of course, this would never work out) So this house was absolutely humongous, and it was one of those trick houses that a robber would never be able to figure out. Somehow, I got lost in this chamber down stairs and I was sleeping until he bursts through the door and claims he has to rescue me from the fire. I was all sleepy and grumpy, so I just threw a pillow at him and said, "Get the fuck away from me!" And he took this really bad, like I had said I never wanted to see him ever again. And he just left the room, totally disregarding the fact that the both of us were about to get melted by a fire. So I hit myself for being rude, and I kind of try to get him to escape with me, but he's like "No... I want to die. I have no reason for living." So I try to cheer his spirits up but he doesn't listen until finally I say something that changes his mind. I don't know how but I just threw things into the air and the one that got the reaction was just, "I have Shrooms!" So we left and he was happy to be alive except now he's got all these shrooms in his system. I don't even know why *I* had them. Hmm, alright so this wasn't truly a dream worth having, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Laura had a dream at 09:39 a.m. Wow, well, let me tell you, after an amazingly stressful week consisting of 4 entries which never got posted, althought pitas said they did, I will sum it all up for you. I was depressed and pissed off at the world like most kids my age, and I was stressed and upset. But today, well, today made up for almost all of it. School was breezy and entertaining, plus my dreaded nightmares of the Spanish seating arrangement turned out to be okay. But after school, my oh my, what an adventure. At first, it was only Maggie and I, so we did our usual walking around Campbell routine, but this time, we bumped into some kids from school at Rasputin. AND I bought three "yippy-skippy" grade CDs. (Badly Drawn Boy, Cake, The Apex Theory) Once we left to continue on to the Pruneyard, we bought some drinks at the Barnes and Noble cafe and headed over to the tallest "Pruneyard Tower" to see if we could get onto the roof. Of course, once we were in there we went to the top but there was no door. And on the 16th floor, some lady was interrogating us about our presence which Maggie shoved off with the excuse that we were restroom-searching. So, unfortunatly, we had to scrap that idea since it wasn't working out. As we retreated, we had a nice little chat with a kid from our school, and guess what, we found out his real name! I mean, his first, middle, and last name are all "first names." Interesting, huh? Anyway, our next stop was Maggie's house since little Jenny could not be left alone, but we were stopped by some lady outside this office building. She invited us inside and gave Maggie this test where you hold tin cans and it measures brain activity. It was actually really cool, and it showed her that she needs to work on communication. There wasn't enough time for me to do it, but she gave us both personality tests! Whee! Once we were back at my friend's house, we did our usual bored activities and imitations. I don't think people realize how crazy we get when no one is around. And I wonder why people think we're lesbian... Hehe Laura had spent the night well at 10:13 p.m. I have never been known to be fearless, and in fact, I know I had more self-confidence in seventh grade than I do now. To think that I am a sophomore and I feel as mistreated as someone four years younger slightly irks my insides. I hate feeling inferior but I can't help it. So many examples of this occured today it made me sick, and I wanted to cry and throw up all at the same time. Switching seats in Spanish wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel so left out and neglected. It's not as if I enjoy sitting there all period while all the upperclassmen surrounding me play with their fart machine. Some of them are three years older than me, and you would think they would be slightly more mature. I'm not saying it wasn't funny, but it got old after the first hour, you know? And later when I take a talk 'n walk with some fellow kids I decide to go back to home base all because I don't want to let one of my friends down; and because I don't want to muck up any potential improvements of our relationship. The end of the day was better, but I can honestly sense a serious emotional meltdown soon. I've got too much to worry about- Dance in PE, Spanish, Learning Math, History Project, DNA module, Spanish Presentation, AND finals all wrapped up in the next two weeks. Thank God my Dad has returned. I don't eat when he's not around... Hey, maybe he should take a month long trip so that I'll loose my excess weight... Oh no! The depression's started! I'm going anorexic! Eep! Laura wrote some shit at 11:07 p.m.  You are Sailor Jupiter! You're tall, and you're tough, and you won't just stand by and let somone pick on your friends. But, when you're not kicking butt, you're a sweetie. You like to cook, and every boy you see reminds you of your ex-boyfriend. You fight with the power of lightning! Take the Which Sailor Are You? Quiz! ...created by Kenzie. Everyone has already known this for the longest time, haven't they? Who's obsessed with anime? Me... and who claimed Sailor Jupiter's title? Me... Why? Cuz I'm Makoto, bitch! MAKOTO! And I love to cook! Laura got the correct results for once at 09:03 p.m. 
Laura was declared a bonafide Geek at 11:17 p.m. Fear is an acronym, standing for: Face Everything And Recover -or- Fuck Everything And Run (How true is that?) Laura put this in her profile at 06:54 p.m. Yesterday held much amusement for me. Not only was I able to catch up with close friends, but I saw an absolutely awesome show! It kicked off with Division Day playing together after a period of separation. Since I had only seen Rohner solo prior to the event, the magnitude of the entire band hit me in a wave of wonder, if you can image what I mean. And the next band who are usually quite the spectacle played...differently. First off, their drummer had an injuiry so they had a sub, but they did play a new song. We'll just have to see how it sounds without the fill-in drummer. The Ghost, well, for one, the singer looked like Alex Murphy so it was hard not to imagine him up there in the first place. Although Maggie and I were being a bit rude, we were making these funny impersonations of various head-banging, heimlich-menuevering people. Ahh, but here is where the fun starts! Well, me, being the uncultured, naive little brat I am had not experienced anything quite so mind blowing when>> Plop! Jonah falls out of this sky with his little acoustic guitar and his little R2-D2 to sing at the Outhouse. And, wow, was he great! It's hard to come across someone who can honestly capture a crowd by such simple yet creative means, and still be honest about his true emotions at the time. A lot of artists kind of shade themselves and go along with what the majority opinion, so as not to lose fans, but nope, not him. He was beautiful in that way. Needless, to say I was impressed, although I think that would be quite the understatement. Laura is still in awe at 06:02 p.m.  What Color Underwear Are You? Laura decided she has an obsession with online quizzes at 11:54 p.m.  YEAH! Noodle is the best! Woo for Gorillaz. Laura hugged the online quiz for getting it right at 10:37 p.m. Yes! My new layout works! I know the font is small, but I like it. You could roll up all the text and smoke it! I mean, uh, chew on it like bubble gum. I don't know why I said that. Oh well, I'm not taking it back... Also, the photo is from this summer, and it's Maggie's shoe, so in case your wondering, no, my foot is not that small. Also, I did indeed use absolute placement, so it should appear okay with most browsers. Although I haven't made it to match yet, sign my guestbook ! Laura rejoiced in triumph at 02:42 p.m.  Take the animal crackers test. Cool! I'm an elephant! Laura became an elephant at 12:34 p.m. Ma 'n Pa are being pig-headed. My dad got pissed off because the guy who is fixing Matt's car wasn't around when he called, and I said, "Well gee, Dad, he's allowed to get off work whenever he's done and ready. You can't excpect people to cater to your needs all the time." He and Mom got on my case and yelled at me. My point is that I always state the opposition, just because I always do...I just don't think they should've scolded me for stating my opinion. Laura got pissed off at her parents at 04:57 p.m. Why is it that whenever I try to fix anything in here, i have to click the button between 10 and 16 times until it does anything?!?!?! Well, my new layout was all finished, and I even put it up here, only to find out it isn't exactly compatible with this. I spent so much time making it flawless and workable with all sorts of browsers, too. I suppose I deserve that for disregarding other people the past week, but what happens happens. Maybe not for a reason but that's alright. Well, I know I'm rambling but that's because I'm watching Robinson Crusoe. It has Pierce Brosnan in it, so it's entertaining to listen to his phony accent. Actually, I wanna go home! Really, really badly! Right now! But I'm only whining while some people would rather be where I am. I know I shouldn't complain. I'm sorry... Laura kicked Pitas in it's ass at 09:32 p.m.  Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz Laura took a funny online quiz at 08:16 p.m. |
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Call me Laura. Occupying San Jose, California. 15 so far. Sophomore at Branham. Born Scorpius. Pieces made in Mexico, Portugal, Czech. Brown hair; blue eyes; freckles. Reach Me... @Sailorjup1 @eatblueicecream HeartofMeltWax Guestbook Archive Dec-Nov II-Nov I-Oct II-Oct I-Aug/Sept-Jun/Jul |
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Siblings Maggie Jenny Bonnie Brandon Sam Affiliates & Appreciation Freeloaders, Inc.* Pitas Webspawner |