luck isn't a friend.

despite the fact my heart got crushed from last
week's events, it has more than made up for it
this week. being away from davis was tough.
fucking tough. now that i'm back, i'm more
appreciative--a little smarter and conscious
of things and people around me.

i know you graduates out there get the
question: freshman you vs. graduate you? i'd like
to answer that question, but damn, i'm
not graduating this minute so i'm going to roll
with the improvised version.

freshman me vs. present me?
no doubt that i would prefer the present me.
there's such this giant gap between the two...
the freshmen me lacked heart and drive.
for the most part, this present me whole-heartedly
wants to be driven.

there are things i do miss about the
freshman me so not to offend it completely
because hell, it was still an entity of me.
there are no regrets, i think i'm a better
person for it all to happen.
i've learned enough to help me drive through
my remaining collegiate years. well, at least for
for my undergrad years (no stop pits for
the premeds out there).

so given i did have two midterms on the second
week of this round and pretty much deprived
myself of any sleep, i've really never felt more
alive.

this unfortunately confirms that my heart was
never in san jose. those who know me, know
this so it's not this big form of epiphany or
anything. just the way it is.

______________________• 08.18.2006; 2:55 am.

living stressfully

effective immediately, i presume. stress agents,
commence to thy work.

july 28th: chem quiz 3
july 31st: chem midterm 3
aug 1st: english paper due
aug 2nd: chem lab exam
aug 3rd: chem final
aug 5th: moooving day
aug 7th: round two begins; same concept, different town
aug 8th: final english paper due

______________________• 07.24.2006; 10:08 pm.

temple.

reason for being MIA:

a.) two summer classes (+ all things attached)
b.) a welcome back to the indescribable symptons
c.) a + b

if you chose c, ding ding.
so peeps, here is the lowdown for the time being...

it hits harder in the morning. it might be the sunlight
or the heat, maybe both. either way, it hits
hard. frustration goes into overdrive when no
one seems to think anything is wrong. i mean..
hey, i seem normal enough, right?
but if one more person in this house gives me
that "it's because you're not sleeping
enough" bs line, you're going to get some thunder
out of me--not that i don't appreciate the expertise
from someone lacking an MD, because hot damn, i do!
it's easy to toss a few pills and some heat
patches my way, but nothing seems to suffice.
i've had this body for approximately twenty-one
years and ten months now and i do believe i know
a little something about when this temple of
mine breaks down.

______________________• 07.23.2006; 2:42 am.

luck is love is on.

we meet again, riding our divisible bodies
feel no shame, luck is love is on
if you read the pain
well, you are, yes you are so much like me
seasons change, nothing lasts for long
except the earth and the mountains
so learn to sing along in languish here
help me languish here

freeze the saints/stephen malkmus

______________________• 07.09.2006; 10:45 am.