wicked gothyz place

Why won't anyone see it?
Why iz it that I'm the only one who can see my depression when it starez them blankly in the face? I'm thawing into the assembly of numb. Nao one noticez the adorning pool of misery I wear on the bak of my hooded cape. They just sit there and gaze like it'z nothing. I'm alone - utterly and completely alone! Nao one givez a flying fawk of a donkey'z ass that my gawd damned aquamarine eyez are NEVER dry. They don't see through my eyez of ambivalence to read the bak of my mind. They can't begin to understand the dreamz I've had the past few weekz. To b quite honest, in all actuality I don't begin to conceive their explanationz myself. Try these condemning scrupulous industrial personificationz on for size. Three nightz ago I had a dream where I waz with Devon one of the men I used to b madly in love with. He'z fifteen dayz older tahn me and we made love quite a few timez in the dream and got quite fawking close in it. Then he, Tascha, Christina and I all went to thiz mega hard ass metal concert where there were like all these lesbianz and like me and Tascha are both showing off an dtrying to outdo the other with our sexuality cause she went after my best friend Christina. So we're both swinging from cornerz like showing off our pussyz. like short short skirtz flying up in the air all these women like wanting to lick my smooth bare pussy and it kinda startz freaking me out so I'm like where the hell iz Devon? Tascha pointz and iz like bak there right in front of your old crush Brian. I'm thinking Brian Burkhart? She'z like yep. So I try to see through the crowd but I can't see him. For a while in the dream me and Tascha hate each other but then we end up adoring each other again in the end of it. Next night I have thiz dream of thiz womahn and mahn who are husband and wife adjoining in the medeivil type agez and like she'd been unfaithful or something to her husband so he beatz her time and time again. So she hidez herself in thiz like little gutter like place where she tiez thiz fierce green and gold snake who'z sooo ready to strike out and bite whatever comez near it. So she tellz her husband you want another piece of my flesh? You have to get across to me by going around the snake you can have az much az you want! So he triez but iz way too afraid to go anywhere near that snake he knowz it'z going to sink itz fangz deep into hiz flesh if he even triez. He lookz at hiz wife sadly and she feelz hiz misery so she untiez the snake but wanting her husband so badly doezn't think to kill it. Out of her stupidity the snake bitez them both to death. Somehow, I waz in my dadz old house in Estill county where my room waz like to the right of the house and like the snake somehow getz into my room and startz biting different placez of my body. I run into what had been my fatherz room but where my mom waz and my dad had moved out of the house. Anyayz, like she tellz me if I'm not dead yet I'm not going to die. Then though all kindz of those grren and gold snakez like totally raid the house and are just like everywhere and my mom keepz finding them in the bed where I layed down an djust like all over that room. Like some older womahn like in her fiftiez enterz the room and askz us what'z going on? We're like there are snakez everywhere so my mom the lady and the ladiez husband have to kill like a billion of the snakez. I'm too afraid to even touch any of them. I'm paralyzed in my phobia of snakez. Like and hmm finally in the end I have to wrap my hand around one of their neckz to allow my mom to kill it. It waz one hell of a weird ass dream! Then last night I had thiz mega fawked up dream of talking to my assoholic ex on the phone and hez being like a mega ass to me in the dream and like I'm finally about to hang up and he just makez me feel terrible az in real life. I woke up screaming it waz such a massive nightmare. Where do the dreamz keep coming from iz my question! Why do I keep having them like that? Doez it have anything to do with my prozac being taken? The fact i've been popping benedryl like crazy lately to drug myself to sleep. Yesh I'm addicted to narcoticz! Go me! My mom haz been being such a fawking bitch to me lately. i'm about to just not EVER open my mouth again. I need to watch Day of the Dead tonight since we have to take the moviez bak tomorrow. Tomorrow then I'm getting either Akira eih not too sure on the anime. Puppet master will b my definite horror flick tho. LOL notice my genre pattern I've been getting the last few weekz. Anime-Horror. I love them both to death. BLASTZ MY RUIN. My mom waz like wtf iz that music? I'm like yesh? She'z like thatz so fawking terrible I'm like uhm nao? I gotta get up at like nine in the morning we have to take Cinnamon to the groomer. Gawd I've felt so fawking high lately. I want a kiss more than anything Katie talked to me about her and Hanz having sex and from what she told me it would hurt for how big he iz the guy who raped me waz hiz size and like it did hurt quite a bit. But then again I've felt a lot worse pain that I've inflicted upon myself. Ohhh yesh b proud of me I haven't cut myself in over three monthz. I've just taken my anger out in other aggressive wayz. hmm shyeah tho it waz making me feel bad cause I'm not good enough for nayone first off. Then again I could never just go have sex with someone after hearing them say I wanted to have sex with another girl yet I could have had you the whole time. Iz it justme or would that or would it not just make you feel a bit inadequate? It would me. LOL Katie broke her cute little vibrator today. Mahn I can't believe she haz to have sex toyz to get off. I use like my fingerz or if I really want it to feel grrreat my vibrating toothbrush. I feel so damned unappreciated, I also feel like I'm living in a fawking hotel. With the way we have people over here every fawking night where they're supposedly werking on my brand new room. Newzflash I'm leaving for Louisville next month and then Texas. A bit ignorant eih? I hate my family with a passion they're all such fawking assholez. shrugZ I give up fawk it all to hell

Realization
I realized something last night when I waz talking to that guy Nick I met last night I know I'm supposed to b going and meeting him tomorrow at the mall and everything but if I'm going to b honest and stop being in denial of wanting to resurrect myself to the world, I'm not exactly entirely ready to try with someone again. Then I also realized I have nao idea how to act and react to a mahn, I'm sooooo used to them wanting me for one and one think only. Yep you gussed it-SEX! That'z all I've ever been good for a nice relief for their sexual frustration another trophy modeled in a whore'z body to b added to their collection'z list of bitchez they've scored with and how many pointz they received to their inflated ego. hmm I'd never b able to tackle the list of men who have used me just tostrike up the initiation of building a fantasy a little wall around a dream and once they met me or talked to me in depth or realized how messed up I waz from all the abuse I've taken on from the gender of male personification they end up NOT wanting me and throwing me away once they're tired of playing at unveiling the nostalgia of an enigmatic stare. You know what though? I waz not manufactured to b tried on for size az your paperdoll and I refuse to b countered or manipulated into a game of sex. I've played at being the apwn for too many yearz. Honestly too many centuriez. I've tried on the bridal suite persay for too many trialz and I've tried the engagement ring on only to never have it fit. I kinda let it register to me az a few thingz for one I wonder if it meanz that I'm only the mistress type. or doez it just mean that I'm not good enough for anyone? I really don't know any more gawd I feel so fawking sick any more that'z what my ass getz for attempting to eat for the last six dayz while being on birth control the contraceptive of hell. Satanz punishing me for subdueing and avoiding the catastrophy of love. yesh I told the devil one day that falling prey to being in love waz worse than having him. Maybe thatz my problem with love shrugz. Ugh tho I can tell I'm not going to b able to eat for the next like fifteen dayz and then let'z see I get five dayz of menstrating and then twenty one more fun dayz of thiz! woo hoo. I'm going to become so freakish looking. Ya know I had the most weird experience while I waz out shopping today. We were at the mall and I waz in the Deb shop cause I found thiz really cute glittery tigerish shirt and then I got like thiz long velvet black skirt with a slit on the side. Like we stayed in there cause my sister waz looking for a snowball dress. Well there were these two not so pretty girlz who walked in with like a couple of uncute guyz and they like started staring at me and laughing and then I hear the word "poor" and then my exez name after it. I start thinking wtf? I'm thinking if that reference iz actually about my ex and he'z been talking shit about me which I could care less about the web of liez he'z probably spun about me to people. he doezn't even really know me himself so he really can't say much of the truth to b quite honest. Anyayz, if that waz about me it should more b "poor Heather". I mean look at all the bull shit I went through just because I loved him and yet he turned every single pure emotion and feeling I felt away just because I WAZN'T good enough for hiz standardz. I mean fawk they really put me in an even more unstable mental condition questioning first off my authority az a human being. Secondly making me question my sex appeal, my grrreatest insecurity. Thirdly just making me question myself az a person. Fourthly making me question my existence and why the fawk I'm supposed to live. shrugZ. It'z over there and I'm not any longer going to let the bull shit of what he could have had but turned away from bother me ever again. Main Reason" I KNOW I can get and KNOW I deserve better. Especially to b treated better. I got six yearz of extremely bad verbal abuse from my father until I finally just would NOT go anywhere near him and when he did that he wanted me bak so badly. Because I wanted to have nothing to do with him for a long time cause he hurt me mega badly and made me feel like I wazn't a human being. We have a pretty decent relationship now and I don't know if it would have ever came if I hadn't totally just told him to leave me alone for a while. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that thiz could nor ever would happen with me and my ex and to b quite honest I don't want it to because I want to become like I waz with Will before I met him and started opening bak up everything I totally closed off of myself. I didn't hardly talk or confide anything in Will until a few weekz ago. Because I had given him all of myself and been completely honest with him too and that waz never good enough for standardz either. So I totally closed that off when we became just friendz talking to him but not letting him know anything deep. I want to b like that if I were to become friendz with any of my other exez but I don't think I could ever want any of them sexually ever again. I mean really they betrayed my trust so why the fawk should I give any of them another chance to own every single entity of my body, my mind, my soul and just me? I mean I tried it already and where did it get me? nao where! What did it amount to them? absolutely nothing! The song "Narcissus" by Alanis Morissette would have to describe every single ex boiyfriend of myne. mrow itz so fawking cold here. ohhh yeah other thingz I got today got like uhm a pair of mega kewl jeanz with flowerz and sequinz all over them to match my flared sleeve shirt with the floral design on it that I got at Gadzookz and then mom picked me out thiz rose shirt from Pennyz. hmm I got a couple of moviez well rented them from Blockbuster got Day of the Dead and Ghost in the Shell. ugh I threw up sweet tartz and lotz of pizza. ugh I lost all the fawking energy out of my body. shoot me please? ugh I hate bc pillz soooo much the patchez aren't any better. and nao I'm not doing thiz for some sex crazed maniac cause NAO one wantz me there, I do it for the fawked up system I own. yay yay yay. System of a Down! That'z me! ohhh wellz nuff about thiz bull shit I feel like lying down and watching tv.

Walk the Walk

My mother spent 10 years sitting by a window Scared if she spoke she would die of a heart attack She listened as her dreams silently screamed They drowned like little dolphins caught in a fishnet

Dear world i'm pleased to meet you

Hey everybody when you walk the walk You gotta back it all up you gotta talk the talk Hey everybody when I hear the knock Don't wanna measure out my life to the tick of a clock

Hey everybody when my daddy died He had a sad sad story written in his eyes Hey everybody when you walk the walk You cannot measure out your life to the tick of a clock

I wanna walk to the beat of my own drum I wanna walk to the beat of my own drum

Hey everybody Can you walk the walk you gotta back it all up But can you talk the talk Hey everybody can you walk the walk?

I wanna walk to the beat of my own drum (Say what?) I wanna walk to the beat of my own drum (Say what?)

I wanna walk to the beat of my own drum I wanna live to the beat of my own drum I wanna take to the beat of my own drum I wanna hang ten, high, say pleased to meet you

Give to the beat of my own drum I wanna sing to the beat of my own drum

I wanna fly, cry, win, lose, live, die, take five Pleased to meet you

My daddy spent 10 years living on the outside looking in He thought that he would never get back Watched his dream walk across a silver screen And he was standing there when the theatre went pitch black

Dear world I'm pleased to meet you

Hey everybody when I walk the walk I gotta back it all up I vgotta talk the talk Hey everybody when I hear the knock Don't wanna measure out my life to the tick of a clock

Hey everybody--can you walk the walk?

I wanna walk to the beat of my own drum (Say what?) I wanna walk to the beat of my own drum (Say what?)

I wanna live to the beat of my own drum I wanna laugh to the beat of my own drum I wanna play to the beat of my own drum I wanna hang ten, high, say pleased to meet you

I wanna screw up to the beat of my own drum I wanna take it out of town and do it to my drum

Scream shout Wipe out Make love to my baby

Father: It's a wonderful idea, but it doesn't work.

My own drum my own beat

Hey did you ever get the feeling that it's really a joke You think you've got it figured out and then you find that you don't So you say goodbye to the world and now you're floating in space You got no sense of nothing not even a time or a place Then suddenly you hear it it's the beat of your heart And for the first time in your life you know your life is about to start

I wanna walk to the beat of my own drum

Daughter: There's someone knocking in the wall, was it an echo? ba da pa pa

-Poe

A Terrible Thought

A terrible thought has moved into my mind Like an unwanted room-mate drunk on wine It feeds on my happiness won't pay the rent I must take proper measures to evict it

A terrible thought has moved into my mind A giant rat that's nibbling on my pride It's tearing away my patience and my wit I must take proper measures set a trap for it

What a terrible thought

I don't care what you've done I don't care who you've won I know in the end you'll have your fun

But you can't have it hear And I won't let you steer You know I don't want you in my mind

I must stay calm you know and I must be clear It's gonna take a hundred thoughts to make this one disappear A train like that could travel a soul for years A terrible thought could have a terribly long career

What minds have you shredded I bet they regretted Having ever thought you up Just look at you shine Commiting your crimes You know I don't want you in my mind

'Cause you're breaking my stride You poisonous vine You're strangling me inside You're breaking my stride You poisonous vine You're strangling me inside You're breaking my stride

What a terrible thought...

Father : What is your greatest worry because you seem to be worried all the time

Daughter: Sometimes I can't hear myself think

Father: YYou have to speak a little louder, I can't understand a word you're saying

Daughter : Sometimes I can't hear myself think

-Poe

Control

Don't you mess with a little girl's dream 'Cause she's liable to grow up mean

Surprised you to find that I'm laughing? You thought that you'd find me in tears You thought I'd be crawling the walls Like a tiny mosquito and trembling in fear

Well you may be king for the moment But I am a queen understand And I've got your pawns and your bishops And castles All inside the palm of my hand

While you were looking the other way While you had your eyes closed While you were licking your lips 'Cause I was miserable While you were selling your soul While you were tearing a hole in me

I was taking control

Now I have taken control Now I have taken control...

This is beginning to feel good Watching you squirm in your shoes A small bead of sweat on your brow And a growl in your belly your scared to let through

You thought you could keep me from loving You thought you could feed on my soul But while you were busy destroying my life What was half in me has become whole

While you were looking the other way While you had your eyes closed While you were licking your lips 'Cause I was miserable While you were selling your soul While you were tearing a hole in me

I was taking control

Now I have taken control Now I have taken control...

So this is how it feels To breath in the summer air The feel the sand between my toes And love inside my ear All those things that you taught me to fear I've got them in my garden now And your not welcome here

Come a little bit closer Let me look at you I gave you the benefit Of the doubt it's true But keep in mind my darling Not every saint is a fool

While you were looking the other way While you had your eyes closed While you were licking your lips 'Cause I was miserable While you were selling your soul While you were tearing a hole in me

I was taking control

Now I have taken control Now I have taken control...

Don't you mess with me

Father: there has to be more to life than this, because in our confrontation with a cold cold universe, there is something comical to the idea that we can really impose our will on humanity-- power corrupts!

Daughter : This is scaring me

Father and daughter 2:

Daughter : ...I live at the end of a 5 and 1/2 minute hallway

Father: And at the end of it all lies of course the final phenomenon of deterioration entropy, which is a predictable disintegrations which the creative life ceases: everything has to fall apart.

Daughter: Why are you always so serious?!

-Poe

Haunted

Ba da pa pa ba da pa pa... Come here Pretty please Can you tell me where I am You won't you say something I need to get my bearings I'm lost And the shadows keep on changing

And I'm haunted By the lives that I have loved And actions I have hated I'm haunted By the lives that wove the web Inside my haunted head

Ba da pa pa ba da pa pa...

Don't cry, There's always a way Here in November in this house of leaves We'll pray Please, I know it's hard to believe To see a perfect forest Through so many splintered trees You and me And these shadows keep on changing

And I'm haunted By the lives that I have loved And actions I have hated I'm haunted By the promises I've made And others I have broken I'm haunted By the lives that wove the web Inside my haunted head

Hallways... always

I'll always love you I'll always need you I'll always want you

And I will always miss you

Ba da pa pa ba da pa pa...

Come here No I won't say please One more look at the ghost Before I'm gonna make it leave Come here I've got the pieces here Time to gather up the splinters Build a casket for my tears

I'm haunted (By the lives that I have loved) I'm haunted (By the promises I've made) I'm haunted By the hallways in this tiny room The echos there of me and you The voices that are carrying this tune

Ba da pa pa...

Father : What is it Annie?

Daughter : You think I'll cry? I won't cry! My heart will break before I cry! I will go mad.

-Poe

Just Call me Pippi
Hello thiz iz Pippi Longstockingz you know who I am I've been having quite a bit of fun having mischief with my sexy, beautiful girlfriend Katie can't wait until I leave for her in the next few weekz. mrow mmmm delicious fun it shall b ;p lol I hope the sphinxa of a mahn izn't after me! lol I bet my dong ex wanted my baby too bad MYNE MYNE MYNE ;p heh not all myne but eih she'd never go for him what she said about the picture he sent her made me start rollin today. she said it like twice or more too so I'd just sit there laughing my ass off. She asked me how old he waz she waz like thirty six right? I started dying laughing I waz like nao twenty two she waz like fawk he lookz like he'z thirty six I could not help but laugh at the way she waz talking. Gawd Katiez so fawking cute! I still can't help but laugh at the way her voice waz when she said that and just thinking about it makez me laugh still ;p/ LoL glad I found my baby again she makez me smile quite a bit I can't wait to get my cell I'll prolly end up calling my baby wayyyy too fawking much her and Mel and Christina and Tascha and hopefully some hot ass guy I find to talk to. mrow ya know I waz thinking about my last relationship a lot last nite when me and my daddy were hanging out, I really love hanging out with my daddy any more he rulez compared to my mom. He took me over to hiz house I like hiz house it'z like way close to Eastern near hot guy approximination lmfao anyayz, it'z kewl cause it haz thiz awesome staircase to the upstairz with thiz killer banister it ALWAYZ haz reminded me of RHPS and when Magenta*Patricia Quinn* slidez down the banister "he'z lucky you're lucky I'm lucky we're all lucky!" mrow I just like it it'z unique shrugZ. I love my dadz dog too hiz namez Blacky mega pretty newfoundland we've had him since I waz prolly like twelve or thirteen. So we went over there and he like fixed me salad with grilled turkey and ranch dressing mega fawking good my dadz really good at cooking. . so then we like sat around and talked for a little while after we got to hiz house and ate we had to stop and get lettuce and a tomato at like pricesless and then we had to stop and get gas at the marathon place he sayz it'z like the most cheap there for the nonregular gas. I wouldn't know being az I don't really drive unless with mom. which she getz it alwayz at Walmart. fun fun. so then like I had to help him cover some wood so I took hiz doggy out walking around and then went bak into the house fawking freezing and like waited and then we went out and went to kmart and looked around for a bit found some mega awesome fawking pantz there gonna go bak on Friday and get'em more than likely they had sequinz like all over them gawd I love unregular glittery shit lol. anyayz, me and dad were talking and we pinned it down to people try to b something they aren't at the beginning of a relationship lie just to impress you and change even tho someone'z lipz I'm sure would breathe out that I'm Myss Jeckyl and Myss Hyde. Anyayz, I got to thinking when I went bak out with my mom and we were waiting on Becky to get bak from some stupid female basketball game of some ex basketball player like I waz listening to the radio and the song "Push" by Matchbox 20 *Rob Thomas, Kyle Cook drooolz* and like the part in it of dont rush thiz baby made me think of I waz just rushed a bit too fast and waz rushed to give myself just a little bit too quickly that I wazn't ready but waz getting there and did give of myself just not all of myself. I did give a big chunk of my mind out just I couldn't give all of it not yet not at that time. And if I had been given the time I would have progressed slowly but surely into giving it all out but I had to wait until I waz sure of the way thingz would turn out. Which, they turned out exactly az I'd planned if I test someone and don't show what I really am they can never handle me. It kinda makez me wonder if I should conceal a lot of my nature shrugz. nahhh nao fun. ohh wellz I also realized they were right that even tho I did love them that I did love them more az just a friend and it would b better off if we had became just firendz because after everything I found out and if I had known it then there would have been nao way in hell that I would have EVER wanted them again sexually. Which I don't now. Eih yeah I kinda realized that too when I waz with my dad and we were like checking out and I couldn't help but stare at the cashier guy like wanting to jump him badly I should have like asked for hiz number lmfao. He waz pretty fawkin hot. mrowww mm woah tho met someone pretty FAWKING interesting online tonite hiz namez Nick and he livez here in the hell hole of whoreville. hiz name'z Nick he likez anime! I'm fawking impressed and he doezn't mind that I'm gothic either ;p lol and I showed him my pix too I didn't tell him I waz scary I jsut said I waz freaky looking he likez freaky tho lmfao mrow maybe I finally met someone who could handle me. Yeah not many can cause I'm quite a handful to put up with i'm little miss can't be wrong! oh btw my dominant indecisive outgoing sidez coming out for Nick maybe he'z just got the,special touch ya never know ;p mrow lol I'm playing little miss innocent now thiz iz fun I like the newness. I think I may have found someone woah I'll b a bit freeked if I did ;p heh laughz like a Chibi ohhh fawk that'z Melissa'z character lol kk laughz like a ohhh fawk I haven't watched SM in too fawking long! mrow time to go looking up shit! I gotta find out what Sailor Venus'z name iz damnit I need Melissa!!!!! lol woah nevermind what I waz thinking izh right her name izh Mina. thatz me heh. but I adore Wicked Lady, Ann, Ves Ves and Katsy. awesome ass characterz ;p. but shyeah Mel labeled me az Saior V and Armitage. LMFAO Nick just asked me when I waz free ha ha ha. lol to my ex who said I waz plain neener neener neener. I'm the one with the fawking personality and I DONT look that bad and for my hair that hazn't been washed it getz washed quite oftenly but putting gel and gloss dropz it in buildz up a residue that shampoo for color treated hair won't defy. so fawking bite me. wantz to jump up and dance. ohhhh I almost forgot what daddy got me to thinking of last night when we ewnt into Kmart and we saw their tree for the needy like nearly all the way full. I'm dying to help a child in need for Christmas. I want to see them get toyz and clothez for Christmas since they REALLY need it. and so I waz talking to mom about it last night when we got in the van I otld her I wanted to really bad. Then I got to thinking of it since she said to give stuff to Jaylin Brandonz little boiy hiz grandparentz spoil the hell out of him so I reminded her I wanted to give to someone who haz REALLY nothing and then it dawned on me to help Jamie and like get Josh stuff cause he haz like NOTHING. I'd love to go get him stuff he'z so fawking precious. Mom waz like yeah that I should cause he needz clothez soooo bad. and like then she waz like we need to go see him and I waz like yeah I wanna hold him and I wouldn't mind seeing Jamie either. I miss them in a way to b quite honest. It'z lonely around here any more. nao noise and nao baby for me to hold he'z extremely cute. he haz the most prettiest blue eyez. so shyeah just really wantz to do something super nice for at least one person for Christmas. I already have my daddyz present and my grandparentz present and Drew and Camiz. letz see gotta get something for Becky, Amber and Mom still at least. hmm let'z see I have like a billion people to send cardz to too I know. Christina, Melissa, Katie, Tascha, etc. hmm LOL Nick asked me to meet him on the mall Sat ha ha lol He showed me hiz pic he doeznt look bad kinda cute actually I like hiz hair mrow mmm me and Katie just got off the phone again thatz like the third time today lmfao. mrow we got into thiz discussion cause of her watching Jennie Jonez and there being like anorexic/bulimic YOUNG little girlz on htere doing it. She said she'd beat the shit out of any of her friendz who would do it. Gawd if only she knew me that fawking well. What waz I for a year and still not completely over? You guessed it bulimic. Yesh I carry the disease and label now I know we'd never make it together. Because I can only give it up for a few weekz before going bak to it and I wazn't totally weaned off of it when I waz with Josh either I still kept that part of me up I'm not going to lie. I won't ever get over that. I've still got it badly. The only time I don't do it iz when I just can't cause of the pain of it all shrugZ. mrow Mel knowz I'm bulimic az hell she still lovez me Katie waz like yeah itz cause I cant gain weight and want to I would NEVER say she waz anorexic I would just fawking envy her because I WANT and DREAM of being like that mega tiny. shrugZ I never will b az tiny az she iz. mrow she sayz itz from taking ritelin I dunno mel took that for a long ass time I think itz just her body type ah wellz I'm sick of typing.

Bad Ass Bitch

Where alley cats creep in the night And shaddows slink 磖ound traffic lights She cracks her knuckles

Well man and beast all run in shame But they only have themselves to blame Her strength finesse and beauty run together Hoof and hand!

Her six-pack stomach and fists of burning fire She's every man and woman, dog and cat burnin desire!

She's big and bad and she磗 not afraid to show it She'll take you down like muthafuckin bullet oh yeah! She'll slice you, dice you fillet and spice you And don't think that she won't do it oh yeah!

Cuz she磗 bad and she ain't no fool for you She磗 bad - bad ass!

She will cut you into threads Fuck your ass up until you磖e dead With her six-Inch heels Right between the eyes!

If looks could kill we磀 all be dead She磍l kill you with her hands instead While you're drooling at her clevage Oops! Now you're blind!

Her six-pack stomach and eyes all of fire She'll crush you make you blush and set you on fire!

She's big and bad and she's not afraid to show it She'll take you down like muthafuckin bullet oh yeah! She'll slice you, dice you fillet and spice you And don磘 think that she won磘 do it oh yeah!

Cuz she磗 bad and she ain磘 no fool for you She's bad - bad ass!

-Lunachicks

Don't Want you Any More

The first day that I saw you I thought you were so fine I thought that you could be, that you could be the one I took me week and weeks To get the nerves to talk to you I had such very high hopes That you could bethe one

You think that you are hot stuff Think that you磖e pretty cool But in my deck of cards now You play the fool! And when I look back on it On all the wasted time I spent just thinkin about you And wishin you were mine

I had the fever but the fever is gone I don磘 want you anymore Tryin to shake you but you磖e holdin on I don磘 want you anymore Thought you磖e right but you磖e Mr. Wrong I don磘 want you anymore Sad but true I磎 over you! I don磘 want you anymore

I had such ver high hopes That you could be the butter for my toast Well in my mind You were red hot But it turned into a long shot! Because I guess in time Well I just changed my mind Becaue I guess inside Well I just changed my mind!

Started off but didn磘 last long I don磘 want you anymore Tryin to shake you but you磖e holdin on I don磘 want you anymore Thought you磖e right but you磖e Mr. Wrong I don磘 want you anymore Sad but true I磎 over you! I don磘 want you anymore

I don磘 want you, don磘 want you anymore! I don磘 want you, don磘 want you anymore! I don磘 want you, don磘 want you anymore! I don磘 want you, don磘 want you anymore!

-Lunachicks --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Less Teeth More Titz

I feel like thiz iz the type of womahn all men want so bear with me for posting thiz but iz it or iz it not true?

Miss Demeanor, a miss take a miss hap-oh.

I implore you. It's no miss tery I dont wanna know you

But Miss America I cant Ignore you

You can wipe out all our progress with your little

cotton ball

slice and dice your face to perfection

Slip up a word and down you fall

teeth are chapped, lipo-sucked

hair is set and nose is contoured.

tummy's tucked and boobs are lifted,

uncross your legs and your pantyhose shifted

am I smilin enough? am I smilin too much?

am I tucked in and buckled, do my tits touch?

Hi, how are you, how high are you

Less Teeth and More Tits Its never enough

You'll never be good enough

you got Less Teeth & More Tits

What a bunch of hipocrits tryin to change the world

bonded tooth smiles travel so many miles

how you gonna change the world?

I wanna see something else

why wont you show me something else

You put the X-tra in ordinary

you are the minus to the plus size

You put the blues into my brown eye

you put the "turd" into saturday

something different and meaningful

that makes your smiles not seem so evil

when that crown falls off your head

will you still feel better off dead?

I wanna see something else.

-Lunachicks

An Apology i z Deserved
okay I owe Josh an apology for being such a bitch to him lately and saying all the stupid shit I have and by the way I am VT Victoria Turpske the heavy metal queen, mrow go watch Cowboy Bebop bwahahahaha surpassed Melissa by finding a character of one of her animez that doezn't have anything at all to b like her smilez ;p mrow yesh I am a heavy metal queen. mrow anyayz, yesh I probably would have never said nor felt most of the stuff if he hadn't hurt me so very extremely much and telling me I'm unattractive just added to it if he doezn't know nor understand by reading thiz extremely confidential journal that'z my biggest complex about myself. ohhhh wellz Also, I NEVER lied to you I waz NEVER with another male I never fantasized about another person either when I waz with you not up until the last week when I knew you could give a flying fawk about me.To b quite honest I had not talked to Katie whom livez in San Antonio, Texas for gawd knowz how long and like you seriously have not read thiz journal intentionally I had an entry a while bak maybe a few entriez to b exact about Katie/Omega, mrow however I had not up until Thursday talked to her in AGEZ! and up until two dayz ago I hadn't talked to Melissa for agez either. so if you want to get technical dear I never lied and I never thought of another until I waz certain you didn't want to handle me. mrow but also to get technical I honestly did love you up until I felt the fact you nao longer wanted me. Which came of a week ago at konban'wa. But you turned your bak on my love and Iwill move on but you'll have to live with what a hypocrite you are and how you closed the door to all love had to offer you just because you didn't give me a chance and you didn't communicate with me.

almost forgot
I almost forgot for someonez accusation fo me only thinking that I loved them I truly did love them he just pushed and pushed until I got pushed too far and he hurt me again and again and treated me like shit over and over until I finally lost the consent of being able to keep my control and I'm sorry that I waz too much goth for him to take on I can surpass the most gothic people of all tho because I romanticize death to the end and I would kiss him on the lipz for nothing nothing at all. but yes I did love him and may still do in some minor way he just hurt me so much that I will now allow it to get to me. Also when you hurt me I tend to become a malicious, ruthless little bitch so please get over the fact if I hurt you because you hurt me first I waz only lashing bak at the way you made me feel first.

Nicotine mmm it makez ya feel good
hmm ya know I'm totally through with wanting to know or hear anything out of him and for hiz thing of me lying to him when I've had girlfriendz while being with him az Katie put it most bluntly I don't see how you can't have more than one relationship in your life everyone haz more than one maybe not sexually but then can you honestly say you're bisexual. Notice what doez the word "bi" mean? Doez it or doez it not mean two for the smart little eggheadz out there which yesh my ex iz a smart person when it comez to book smartz not very smart when it comez to me. He thinkz I lied to him see I don't see it az lying. I told him the very first time we talked and he read my homepage he KNEW I waz bisexual. and I waz thinking being with him had ended it but I waz lying to myself not him and I said maybe I had just been bicruious I waz thinking maybe I waz where I don't just go wild for a lot of women but certain onez I've known for three yearz now or more kinda just iznt ending ya know? mrow ya know I'm very bad with remembering datez of people of my past Katie sayz shez known me for three yearz so thatmust mean I've known Mel for four. daymn long ass timez there. damn doez that mean I've known Will for like two and a half? Gawd damn! yesh yesh I need to talk to my Will because if anyone can set me straight on that bull shit stereo type of being a "fawn" it'z Will. Will knowz me better than any other fawking male could ever know me. And I waz playing head gamez with mister egotistical male chauvinist pig? I don't think so! I used to do that bull shit to Will all the time because I wanted and liked playing with him and fiding out what he REALLY thought about me. I waz never trying to mess with hiz head the only time he ever got pissed at me for it waz when me and Mel switched placez and we pretended I died. Now that did hurt him quite a fawking bit. ohhh wellz itz in the past. I'm going to get over thiz. I'm going to forget him just like he'll forget me. How sweet of him too. Ohhh yesh I know someone haz been laying their eyez on my journal. ohhh wellz read whatever you want You'll b happy your taken off my aohell list so I won't b looking for you cause I don't want to talk to your stuck up, snob, superficial, lying, nonexpressive, nerve wracking, treat women az toyz and lie to them, make them feel bad, say you love them when you're lying and just use them. Ya know that'z fine I don't need you and I don't want you just az much az you don't want me and you can damn well bet I don't want to take you bak. But then again ya know what else I'm going to go with what Adam told me tonight and force myself to b happy. I'm going to go out and see Matt and get drunk smoke just like I did tonite I had six tonite go me! more to come when I go downstiarz to watch anime maybe my tongue can only stand so much and I'm feeling pretty damned high. Eih anyayz yeah and let Matt fawk my brainz out, 'Cause he doezn't think me repulsive one fawking bit. And ya know what he'z actually gotten a lot of my mind cause he sharez my interest of music and the way lyricz just you can abandon yourself in them. So see we have an elusive escape right there. We can get rid of our stress and we don't need you. We are the talent of thiz world and you think I'm pathetic just you wait when I'm producing thingz because I damn well know I can write and I have great fawking ideaz. so bite me!!! mrow I'll make it and ya know what unlike some little people who have to werk their assez off I don't have to pay for my college neener neener neener! the government will pay for myne. 'Cause I'm special fawk yah!. mrow anyayz fawk it I'm going to have fun. Time to go watch Vampire Princess Miyu and Pet Semetary two and learn some exclusive new wordz damn I wish I remebered the word for asshole. anyayz faku yu himo wanna-b.

What I Always Wnated

Opened up it's revealed!

Savour this

Dont get lost in a lie!

Hit or miss

Beside, myself, push on

What's to come must be proved

Focus bliss

Charcoal stares

One foot at a time

Smear those lines

I thought I found

What I always wanted

Bear with me

I thought I found

What I always wanted

Bear with me

Certainty

Is not at hand

I can't keep my eyes open

Chose not to listen

I thought I found

What I always wanted

Bear with me

I thought I found

What I always wanted

I got what I wanted

I got just what I always wanted

I got what I wanted

I got just what I always wanted

-Kittie

Run Like Hell

Run run run run run run run run Run, YEAH!

You better make your face up in Your favourite disguise

With your button down lips and your Roller blind eyes

With your empty smile

And your hungry heart

Feel the bile rising from your guilty past

With your nerves in tatters when the cockleshell shatters

And the hammers batter down the door

You'd better run!

Run run run run run run run run

Run, YEAH!

You better run all day and run all night

And keep your dirty feelings deep inside

And if you're taking your Girlfriend out tonight

You'd better park the car well out of sight

Cause if they catch you in the back seat trying to pick

her locks

They're gonna send you back to mother in a cardboard box

You better run!

Run run run run run run run run

Run, YEAH!

-cover done by Kittie

Paperdoll

I Look At her In That Paper Dress.

I Wonder Why She Won't Burn.

She's Just A Paper Doll,

Thats All, Just A Paper Doll.

I Dress Her Up She Knocks Me down [2x]

They Try Her On For Size, she Fits Nice. Now Her Soul Is Dead, Now Her Bodies Raw,

You Can Numb Her Pain

Watch The Blood Run Down Her Face.

But Dont Take Notice.

Watch The Blood Run Down Her Arms.

Please Don't Take Notice.

I Know You Have Her Soul.

(and) I See It In Your Eyes.

She Knows You Have Her Soul.

(and) She Sees It In Your Eyes.

Now Her Soul Is Dead, Now Her Bodies Raw,

WASH AWAY HER PAIN

She Wants You To Eat Her Pain.

She Wants You To Eat Her Remains [2x]

-Kittie

Choke

You're Here To Lie.

Your Good Looks, Your Fake Smile.

I Loved You But It Took Me A Long While

To Realize You Don't Even Care.

All The Feelings, You Had None.

There's Only One Word To Describe You,

And Thats A Hypocrite.

I Looked Over You, I Looked Over Me.

Look At You And Smile, You Fucking Pedophile.

I Looked Over You, I Looked Over Me.

Look At You And Smile, PEDOPHILE!

SEDUCTION! TIED DOWN!

DECAPITATION!

LISTEN! OHHHHH!

YOU HYPOCRITE!

THIS IS THE END! SUCK IT!

My Eyes Are Never Dry.

Its All Done.

It Wasnt Real And All But It Was Fun.

Was I Not Good Enough For You King? [3x]

I Guess Not.

I Looked Over You, I Looked Over Me.

Look At You And Smile, You Fucking Pedophile.

I Looked Over You, I Looked Over Me.

Look At You And Smile, PEDOPHILE!

SEDUCTION! TIED DOWN!

DECAPITATION!

LISTEN! OHHHHH!

YOU HYPOCRITE THIS IS THE END! SUCK IT!

YOUR NOT THE KINGYOU NEVER WILL FIND.

DON'T YOU SEE IT'S ALL IN MY MIND! (x3)

YOUR NOT THE KING YOU NEVER WILL FIND...

I HOPE YOU CHOKE!

-Kittie

Get Off You Can Eat a Dick

YYou. Take me.. Down. But You're Too...

Strong... I Don't.. Wanna Try.

YOU CAN EAT A DICK!

Dog... Is You. Rude, Vulgar, Obsessive, Not True.

Once In Your Life You woudnt be so sure.

YOU CAN EAT A DICK!

HUMILIATION I'M SUFFOCATING! [5x]

HUMILIATION. What The Fuck!?

Our Father, Who Art In Heaven.

Hallowed Be Thy Name.

Thy Kingdom Come, I Will Be Done.

On Earth As It Is In Heaven.

give us this day.

-Kittie

Raven

Not Feeling, Not Nothing.

Good Intentions But Jealousy Takes Over All.

Excuses, Abuses.

This Time I. Know Its Not Over so Why

Take All My Pride And I Shove It Back Down Inside.

This Time harassment's gone to far.

GET AWAY FROM ME! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! [4x]

He Wanted More. Wanted a Silenced Whore.

You Were My Life. Kill Me Now And Burn My Soul.

GET AWAY FROM ME! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! [4x]

What Is It Me? You Can't Go Out At Night.

Answer Me. Tell Me About Your Others, I've Started To

Like That

Answer Me. What About All Those Times

You Looked Me In The Eyes And Said You Lied.

You Know Its Over, Its Over.

What do you see in Me? I Can't Go Out At Night.

Answer Me. Tell Me About Your

Others,would You Like That. Answer Me. What About All Those Times

You Looked Me In The Eyes And Said You Lied.

You Know Its Over, Its Over. What do you see in me? I

Can't

Go Out At Night. Answer Me.

Tell Me About Your Other Stories Like that. Answer Me.

What About All Those Times You Looked Me

In The Eyes And Said You Lied.

You Know Its Over, Its Over. I'm through...

GET AWAY FROM ME! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! [4x]

You, Sold Your Soul To Me!

-Kittie

Trippin'

WOAH!

See What You Say To Me And I Will Tell You.

See What You Say To Me I Said, "I Told You So".

You Came Into This Life, You Gave Me All This Pride.

You Also Passified.

You trip and i dont THINK SO.

oh If You Consider It I Will

Take All Your Shit.

See What You Say To Me.

It Doesn't Mean A Lot.

You Came Into This Life.

You Know My True Side.

You Also Passified.

You trip and i dont THINK SO.

WONT YOU TELL ME WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT?

MOTHERFUCKER WONT YOU TELL ME YOU CARE!

WONT YOU TELL ME WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT?

AS YOU WATCH ME...BURN!!!!!!

-Kittie

Jonny

What does he tell me this time?

We're just whores on a fucking assembly line.

Believe me I was there.

Take what I want and get the fuck out of here.lets raise

the wall,

somebody,to raise the wall. Suck me.

Jonnys been a very bad boy [X3]

Jonnys been a very bad boy....

This door is so high.

My life is oblivious to you and the sun hurts my eyes,

but remember you were not going to raise the wall. stop

me ,

to raise the wall. (ooh) and you look at me, see through

me,

I am nothing to you, you look at me, see through me,

I am nothing to you, what does it want to be?

you know you love me. you want to ruin me, I take this end.

Destroy this in me but if you want someone...

one will come down fighting for you!

-Kitite

Brackish

She is not scared to die..

The best things in life drive her to cry.

Crucify then learn..

(take so much away from inside you, makes no sence,

you know he can't guide you, he's your fucking shoulder to lean on, be strong!)

Sit and watch me burn..

She's led to believe, that it be ok,

look at your face, scarred in dismay,

but times have changed, and so have you..

I think I'd rather crucify then learn

(take so much away from inside you, makes no sence,

you know he can't guide you, he's your fucking shulder

to lean on, be strong!)

Sit and watch me burn..

I'd like to take you down, and show you

deep inside, my life my inner workin

so smell and lack of inner pride,

to touch upon the surface, is not for

what it seems, I take away

my problems, but only in my dreams.

(take so much away from inside you, makes no sence,

you know he can't guide you, he's your fucking shoulder

to lean on, be strong!)

Crucify the learn..

(take so much away from inside you, makes no sence,

you know he can't guide you, he's your fucking shoulder

to lean on, be strong!)

Crucify then learn..

Sit and watch me burn

-Kittie

Erase Me
You know what I've been thinking lately? Okayz maybe he did have to get rid of me but heiy why the fawk couldn't he have just killed me? I would have liked it so much fawking better. mrow ohhh wellz fawk him I GOT MY MELISSA DOO BAK smilez quite widely shhhh Melissa kissez better and iz WAY better at sucking my nipplez ;p mrow I honestly like just a bit of pain and the way she'd suck them hard az she could and indent nice yummy hickeyz on them ALWAYZ made me happy. mrow I've really missed her tonz. She said that she hazn't honestly been allowed to use her cell phone ause of a bill and unlike a certain stupid person who waz being foolish and just avoiding my callz she honestly just couldn't pick up. mrow izh a bit happier now. mrow would honestly much rather have Mel over a guy any day I share a hell of a lot more history with Melissa shez my sexy baby. SeXy ReXy my SeXy Kat lady ;p mrow I'd LOVE to put my pawz all over her any day. and hell my ex not find her attractive but I most certainly do and I gotta b honest when we're going with green eyez Melissaz are much more pretty and a hell of a lot more hypnoric I would just sit there and stare at herz for hourz. Plus all that she would have to do iz simply look at me the slightest bit sadly and she could get whatever she wanted from me. Plus I trust her like the bak of my hand because before we became loverz we were best friendz for quite some time. Plus let'z see I think in like a couple weekz I'll have known Melissa for at least three fawking yearz. I mean she KNOWZ my every little secret knowz everything I feel knowz everything I like. Iz more into the thingz I am and would not mind me gettting into her stuff and not having to say ohhhh nao I dont want you to say me too! Plus ya know what? I've had Melissa ask me to marry her several timez and you damn well better believe I would. I love Melissa with all my heart and to b honest if thingz hadn't happened with us and I'd gotten so mega jealous a lotta the shit I felt would have never been there. mrow she wantz a guy and I don't have one ohhh well all I really want iz her. mrow and shez a lot more fun to lay with too and a lot more daring than my exez were too lol rememberz when we were in there watching some movie and she just started touching my meow meow iwth her mom on the bed lmfao. we didn't care. we'd sit there and like share an im too and just talk even tho we were in the same room together, I love her to death shez probably the only person who can make me smile just thinking of her and thingz that we've done together. I mean she'd do ANYTHING for me. unlike other people I know. Thatz why it about killed me when I thought she didn't like me any more. Because Melissa meanz the world to me and if you think you'll ever get to that climax in my life you probably should think again because I'm not too open with msot people like I am her. We can sit there and just make fun of people with each other and laugh our fawking assez off. oooh we got new people to add to story time!!! lmfao. mrow ohhh wellz guess you'll never know if you get to b involved in my Chaucer like experimentz eih ;p hmmm when I got the premonition the first time which waz Tuesday night that I knew I wazn't loved yesh I have a much grrreater perception than ninenty nine point nine percent of people do. anyayz, I started thiz crazy little story and I'm not going to post it on here because I don't want someone'z eyez to get a look at it but if I keep it going the way I am it could well develop into a good novel. It'd b aqesome if it actually got published and like then they saw it lmfao. yesh I have the feeling one day someone'z going to realize how pathetically stupid they were for throwing me away when I would have gave them anything they wanted when I just waz not good enough for them and don't deny the fact that I wazn't good enough for you because I know it all too fawking well. Yesh my veinz feel it SO DON'T FAWKING LIE TO ME! You've done it enough. Gawd how I want to kiss Matt and have him seduce me. LoL he said he'd like study me with nao charge lmfao. I waz like uhm what kind of study are you going to perform He waz like a secret one that involvez nao clothing lmfao. mrow quite interesting eih? Ohhhh yesh I will kick someone'z ass if they continue to use my mrow too. My mrow iz very special and you're nao longer entitled to use it because you lied to me and oyu hurt me for nao good reason. Ya know I've been thinking quite a bit since last night when it all happened and after talking to Matt what he said to me about my ex izh honestly true. He'z merely a selfish, diminishing, self absorbed, immature, deceitful little boiy who needz to grow up! mrow and I don't appreciate the way he treated me like a little girl either I'm nineteen yearz old. I'm a fawking adult not a little minor. sighZ ohhh wellz it'z all over so fawk it. . . ..

Do You Think I'm a Whore

The Knife Is On The Table.

I Put Myself To Sleep.

All I Know Is All I Know.

Remember What You Sow Is What Reap!

Why Can't I Fucking Believe You?

This is Your words For Me.

A Little Sheltered Girl Is What I'll Always Be.

So Loving And Considerate.

Too Scared Of What I'll Be.

I Look Into The Mirror, The Whore Is All I See.

Like You. Like Me.

Diminished, Self important, i'll never see.

Like You. Like Me.

I Never Want To Be Like Me.

Do You Think I'm A Whore?

I'm A Whore [4x]

Why can't I Fucking Believe You?

This is Your Words For Me.

A Little Sheltered Girl Is What I'll Always Fucking Be.

So Loving And Considerate.

Too Scared Of What I'll Be.

I Look Into The Mirror, The Whore Is All I See.

Like You. Like Me.

I'll Never Cheat. I'm stubborn you see.

Like you. Want Me. Know Me. For Eternity.

I'm A Whore [8x]

Haha. Haha. I'm A...Whore.

-Kittie

Suck

The Sun. In The Dark I Am None. Though My Heart Sinks Like That One, I Am Told. Respect Nothing! Not This Love. Falling Further in This Motherfucking Hole! Believe Me, Believe Me, Believe Me When I Say you suck. You Disgust Me When You bring Me Down. But though My Heart Says I Will Die Without YOU! Respect Nothing! Not This Love. Falling Further In This Motherfucking Hole! Believe Me When I Say You Suck. oh fuck! Believe Me, Believe Me, Please Believe Me, When I Say, When I Say, When I Say, When I... Say FUCK YOU, YOU THINK ITS ALL FUNNY [3x] FUCK YOU. Like I Said FUCK YOU, YOU THINK ITS ALL FUNNY [3x] FUCK YOU!

-Kittie

Charlotte

So, Im Nothing.

You Took Something From Me, Now You've Dissapeared.

You're Right Where I Want You.

You Said You Wanted It, Alright.

No! Its Not Alright [3x]

No...

Now I'm Something, And Your Head Is In My Closet.

Dead Forever, They'll Never Search It...

Out Of Sight No! Its Not Alright [3x]

No...

I'm Cold, So Cold, Ohh, Ohh [2x]

If i Find It [2x]

NO! NO WAY! [4x]

-Kittie

Spit
"

COWARD!! spit i think i'll spit For all those girls, who speak contradiction The guy who crept through the shadows everyday to clutch his own conclusion Watch all the blood, as it drips from your veins you coward Godspeed, may your death come quickly

i think i'll take this hate and , SPIT, SPIT, SPIT

Now as it's passed onto the next one I feel a bloodrush come right over me You know you will never be right in the eyes of the ones who know You trusted the devil and she will betray you

Low

Why do i get shit all the time from you men You are swine You think dick is the answer But its not [x2

-Kittie

a Sorta Fairytale

yet another beautifully written song by Tori Amos

on my way up north up on the ventura i pulled back the hood and i was talking to you and i knew then it would be a life long thing but i didn't know that we we could break a silver lining

and i'm so sad like a good book i can't put this day back a sorta fairytale with you a sorta fairytale with you

things you said that day up on the 101 the girl had come undone i tried to downplay it with a bet about us you said that- you'd take it as long as i could i could not erase it

and i'm so sad like a good book i can't put this day back a sorta fairytale with you a sorta fairytale with you

and i ride along side and i rode along side you then and i rode along side till you lost me there in the open road and i rode along side till the honey spread itself so thin for me to break your bread for me to take your word i had to steal it

and i'm so sad like a good book i can't put this day back a sorta fairytale with you a sorta fairytale with you

i could pick back up whenever i feel down new mexico way something about the open road i knew that he was looking for some indian blood and find a little in you find a little in me we may be on this road but we're just impostors in this country you know so we go along and we said we'd fake it feel better with oliver stone till i almost smacked him - seemed right that night and i don't know what takes hold out there in the desert cold these guys think they must try and just get over on us

and i'm so sad like a good book i can't put this day back a sorta fairytale with you a sorta fairytale with you

and i was ridin' by ridin' along side for a while till you lost me and i was ridin' by ridin' along till you lost me till you lost me in the rear view you lost me i said

way up north i took my day all in all was a pretty nice day and i put the hood right back where you could taste heaven perfectly feel out the summer breeze didn't know when we'd be back and i, i don't didn't think we'd end up like like this

Silent All These Years

also by Tori Amos

Excuse me but can I be you for a while My dog won't bite if you sit real still I got the anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin' at me again Yeah I can hear that Been saved sagain by the garbage truck I got something to say you know But nothing comes Yes I know what you think of me You never shut-up Yeah I can hear that But what if I'm a mermaid in these jeans of his with her name still on it Hey but I don't care cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice And it's been here Silent All These Years

So you found a girl Who thinks really deep thougts What's so amazing about really deep thoughts Boy you best praya that I bleed real soon How's that thought for you My scream got lost in a paper cup You think there's a heaven Where some screams have gone I got 25 bucks and a cracker Do you think it's enough To get us there Years go by Will I still be waiting For somebody else to understand Years go by If I'm stripped of my beauty And the orange clouds Raining in head Years go by Will I choke on my tears Till finally there is nothing left One more casualty You know we're too easy Easy Easy

Well I love the way we communicate Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape Let's hear what you think of me now But baby don't look up The sky is falling Your mother shows up in a nasty dress It's your turn now to stand where I stand Everybody lookin' at you here Take hold of my hand Yeah I can hear them But what if I'm a mermaid in these jeans of his with her name still on it Hey but I don't care cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice And it's been here Silent All These Years I've been here Silent All These Years

But what if I'm a mermaid in these jeans of his with her name still on it Hey but I don't care cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice And it's been here Silent All These Years

Bliss

thiz iz by the glorious Tori Amos

Father, I killed my monkey I let it out to Taste the sweet of spring Wonder if I will wnader out Test my tether to See if I'm still free From you

Seady as it comes Right down To you I've said it all So maybe we're a Bliss Of another kind

Lately, I"m in to circuitry What it means to be Made of you but not enough for you And I wonder if You can bilocate is that What I taste Your supernova juice You know it's true I"m part of you

Seady as it comes Right down To you I've said it all So maybe we're a Bliss Of another kind

Steady as it comes Right down to you I've said it all So maybe you've a four horse engine With a power drive A hot kachina who wants into mine Take it with your terracide

Seady as it comes Right down To you I've said it all I said a Bliss Of another kind I said a Bliss Of another kind I said a Bliss Of another kind So maybe we're a Bliss A Bliss of A Bliss of A Bliss of We're a Bliss Of another kind

Provided

You lied to me just like everyone else You say you're different But you have just az many cellz Ending with The number one You don't want to be blamed for my pain But what do you think you're giving When you take the vow for the breaking And you go on cheating Me out of what you said I don't find that a fair ending And you think I'm manufactured for your approval WHAT THE FAWK WAZ I THINKING? I waz giving you the best of myself I know when you never were that special

You lying son of a bitch Said I wazn't deep enough to stop your scratching itch I waz deep from the moment you talked to me You just ucderlined it az losing All of the fire You were alwayz scared of losing yourself to me You said so from the beginning So you know what you're totally right I'm inevitably better off without you Tried to seduce you You wanted to play hit and run I wasn't aggressive enough for you You think I'm a fawn nothing close to a wolverine Guess what I'd give anything to bite you To punish you To torture you To molest you To mess with you To violate you The same type of violence you provided

I think you were lying Just to ease your mind that kept slithering From all the guilt you were possessing You were only messing With my head You just didn't have the courage to tell me it Find someone who will make you feel az loved You'll never find it I gave you all of myself Forever you could have felt it Instead you just abused it Hurting myself you think I'm going to do it No is my final answer get used to it I won't punish myself for your string of pretending

Chorus

You know what I don't believe you You have no proof backing you up You said I wazn't assertive enough What did you want from me Did you want to be tied up Beaten until you turned black and blue Would you have liked that with a whip marking you? WOULD YOU? I'd love to beat you Just give me the chance to You lied and pushed me too far Don't compare me to your alcoholic father I'm not him and never Can I turn into him You'll never See me again Don't worry mister baboon Who fed me arsenic and potion from a spoon

Chorus

I found out what it meanz To be made of you To be part of you I gave it all to you That was never enough for you I kissed you I ended up with the desert in my mouth flowing You ewre afraid of waking From a dream you were dreaming Guess what you were the one who awoke me From the sweetest slumber You ended my fantasiez With just one twist Of your demented desire That I wazn't a good enough fighter Pull the cord just a little bit more tighter I want the air to die for suffocation I waz drowning in your charmed intoxication Until you pulled out Telling me to get out You never loved me I know it without doubt Lying lion Sir Lancelot stop trying To tell me you're sorry You're not sorry for me You're only sorry for yourself And the guilt you let yourself Feel and pitch into Let me help you By saying FAWK YOU I won't injure any piece of skin over you I no longer want you You're no longer good enough for me to want to give all of myself to t

Doll

Mermaid's tail washing up on shore

A figment of your imagination to ignore

That's all I am to you

I'm addicted to you

You just push me farther and farther away

Keep it up one more day

And I'll leave you

Don't believe I will do you

Think again

Because I don't deserve to be mistreated

Or used as your serving wench

Darling you can call me a bitch

As many times as you'd like

My ears aren't going to be listening

Because I know you're the one who's really the bitch

And you think you can't be replaced

A fallacy that will withdraw with my choice of better taste

I love you

Oh how I do

But you can't prove

That your love is worth my holding on to

Do you lie

When you say you'd chase after me into the portals of

time

If my soul were to die

Would you retrieve it

Or would you let it

Bleed out all of my blood

Just so you wouldn't have to save it

Would you kiss my face if it were lined in mud?

Would you kiss me with lips of dirt?

Don't let it bother you if I'm not good enough

For your standards of perversion, we're ten times black and a thousand times morbid

Was I stupid

To believe in you

To lose myself all the way to you

I trust you

I just don't think you dare trust me

Tell me a secret about you

Don't be scared of me

Like you ever were

My faith has ben murdered

By the mre avoidance

My flesh covered

In the esculation

Of scales leading to an incubus of condemnation

I want to kiss your epidermis formed of iodine

I want to make you mine

All you want is to feast upon my

Ovulating ideas made out of sand

Will you touch my hand

Or will you flinch away

A lie I won't stand

Tell me which way

For you and I it will be

Stop running away

I can't take you stepping back from me

I want you to love me

That's all I want out of you

That's all I need from you

To know your love quivers as deep as my own

Just to know

That my lips could condone

Your pain if only for a little while

Make it all gone

Will you tell me you love me this often

Will you call me yours still by this time next autumn

You kissed away my fears

I only deepened yours my dear

Why did I have to say those words

Why did you have to listen to those words

The ones I never meant

Those dark green eyes of yours I'm missing

Love me or tell me you feel nothing

Let me go

Release being the key

Doll

You can entitle me with that as a sentimental term

Just don't treat me as your ragdoll

Don't tell me I have no emotions and nerves

Because doll I may be I do feel deep intent most certainly

And I love you more than you'll ever keep on knowing

Splitzville
Eih Josh broke up with me tonight. To be honest he'z right it'z better off thiz way he turned out to be what I dreaded most of all. A superfical person who withheld the truth from me and from what he said when he broke up with me I just don't buy it. I think there waz someone else he wazn't telling me about. but ya know what? That'z just fine I don't need him I don't need anyone to make me what I am. Sorry that I wazn't little Miss Sunshine. But I SAID from the fawking beginning and even entitled myself az "Gothy" iz that not self explanatory enough? You know what he also said to me az of why he couldn't be with me? He didn't want to marry me did Heather ever mention anything about her wanting to marry him? Nao I said I had people ask me if I would ever marry him which scared the fawking hell out of me. I don't want to think of marriage even though I'm not az afraid of it az I used to be I still don't like the idea of being tied down to one person. I'm still too young for the course of that taking place if ya know what I mean. Ohhhh yesh I love the other thing he told me that I wazn't aggressive enough, that I waz a fawn disguising itself az a wolverine. Gawd how I wish hiz ass would have told me that in person I would have bitten hiz dick off for him tied him up and beaten the shit out of him. Then we'd see if I wazn't one little bit aggressive. Wouldn't he just have loved that. But you know what? He wazn't mahn enough to even have the nerve to say it waz over to my face nor on the phone he had to come online to do that. How fawking lame iz that? How fawking lame iz it to avoid someone who wantz to know how you feel about them too? Pretty fawking lame to me. sighZ so yesh there iz a difference between us lotz but the main one I'm thinking of right now Iz I'm brave enough if having the chance to tell someone to their face looking them in the eyez heiy I don't and can't love you I'm sorry but I just can't. I'm not that much of a fawking cowardice that I can't have the gutz to tell someone that I just want to b their friend. Of course then again I gave him EVERY fawking piece of myself. Do you know how fawking much that hurtz right there? Do you know how fawking long it'z been for me to give myself that freely to someone? To let someone sink into my mind at all? To invite them to share my soul? I haven't done that with anyone since I waz with Will. over a fawking year ago! Do you know that I waz honestly finally letting go of Will? I think I have let go of him joiy now I've moved onto another bastard who wouldn't love me. Yesh I shouldn't b comparing him to otherz who have hurt me. But I'm just so fawking angry and upset at the way he just abandoned me. It waz a lot worse than the way Will left me at least he waz fawking honest about it! sighz I think it mainly hurt me because he waz comparing me to other old relationshipz he hadn't even been in! It waz just not fair to me. mrow I suck or az Matt told me he suckz and Scott told me that if he had wanted me more aggressive in bed he should have told me so because I don't read mindz and hez right. You know it alwayz seemed like he wanted me to read hiz mind yet give him my every fawking thought. And I did give him myself he just threw me away like a cheap little ragdoll. woot woot got my Kittie on. eih I need to download some rap mrow katie started getting me into that stuff lol. Eih for some odd reason Matt wantz me we have a hell of a lot more in common. He'z a musician ya know thatz another thing I found it weird for me to b with a jack ya know? A gothic with a jock? mrow to b honest I think he wantz to b a goth just doeznt have the gutz to go full fledged and romanticize about lady death like I do my lord death. Yesh I am in love and married to death just so itz known. mrow going to post lyricz of everything I feel mega soon. fun fun eih wellz another lesson of Heather don't give yourself to anyone! thiz also provez that I am terrible in bed! I SUCK!!!!

Puppet

I think what you're looking for is totally not like me

I think you want someone who is too blinded by you to ever possibly see

If you're looking for a sweet, demure. docile little girl then you're getting way out of hand

If you're looking for some obedient, little slave girl to follow your every command

Then I will never meet the high ranking standards you require and expect

When knowing we're completely different why is it me you had to set your sights on and select?

You don't have to be careful with me I'm not some porcelain china doll who should be put up high on a pedestal

No I'm not made out of a flimsy delicate type of glass

Sorry if you can't seem to handle my fiery spitfire tongue or sass

Just who do you think you are to tell me what to do and who not to see

If that's all you can do won't you please set my wild, stormy heart free

You want to treat me like a little rag doll that you can pull. nag, and tear her defenses down until she'll obey your rigid restrictions

I won't succumb to be sucked into your jealous control freak addiction

Falsely accused of being deceptively disloyal and found guilty with an unhonest conviction

You claim to have the zeal to care for me and love no one else and that only I could ever fulfill

If furious, frowning, glaring looks could kill

I'd be lying on the floor beat to death from your wrathful rage

A restless, ruthless, uncontrollable, wild tiger who has escaped from his gilded cage

Hunting me down to stalk out as his prey the evil, barbaric custom doesn't play hostage to your mind at all, you're only out for the kill

You truly don't feel a thing for me, it's all only for the game and I'm just your idea of a cheap thrill

My bold, brazen, impulsive, intense, extreme, fiery, spunky, mischievous, playful nature of a minx is what you aim to destroy

You believe you can manipulate me to do whatever you say. that I have no mind I'm a puppet on limp strings to be pulled, I'm merely a susceptible toy

You're mind is so conceitful you believe me to be naive enough to comply to your unthought out caprice

You're overbearing, chauvinistic orders and terms never seem to cease

You say you adore only me, but once my appeal has worn off and gone, you'll move on to the next female you can find

You think I haven't the slightest clue to what you're doing, but I'm not that naive nor blind

You're anger would appease you if it were me the one who were out with anyone else but you

You expect me to be the perfect one, the innocent one without a flaw

You can do whatever you choose and have me too

The sickeningly, jealous, pathetic feelings I feel on the inside seem to reap and thoroughly gnaw

You calculatingly frigidly, coldly tell me that my desolate, darkness brings you down and for your misery I'm to blame

You've changed so much nothing any more is ever the same

You believe my latest depression is just fatigue and some sort of expression to strive for attention

But you'll always be too blind and sightless to ever see my world in it's full dimension.

High az a kite
Why can't I just lose myself in the sand? Why can't I make life just quick, painless, and easy? mrow sorry I'm feeling mega high, a bit disorientated and just listening to Ivy. if you don't know thiz five star band which I'm sure you don't. . ..you'd know that they basically stay on the subject of hurtful relationshipz, the basis of my life ;/ ohhh mahn I feel about too high to even type so if you look at thiz and see a billion typoz that'z why. I had the most strangest dream last night. Not a clue where it came from either. I had a dream that I waz living in my old house over in Waco, and like for some fawked up reason my ex stalker moved down here like mega close to me and started following me again. First off my mom waz like ohhh mahn thatz the guy who followd you at Melz? I'm soooo sorry and hugz me. Like I try and avoid him because I KNOW that I'm in love with Josh and head over heelz and I try and get that message clear to him but it just wouldn't go through. I go down to my old room which waz also in the basement like exterior of the old house only much better that room actually had a door and another door to the outside. It wazn't az big az the room I have now but I liked it quite much. It waz more of a place that waz hidden and closed off I had privacy in it. Anyayz, if you'd ever gone to our other house courtesy of all the fawking fightz that went on in that gawd damned house either Brandon or my father had basically broken the knobz of every door where all you had to do waz twist it a certain way to open it locked or not. So I dreamt that I went down to that room the carpet in that room waz a light sky like blue and the wallz were a lavendarish pink. LOL yesh odd but it waz my oldest sister Sherry'z room first. My main room I'd had there had magenta carpet and pink wallz. but my bratty sisterz got that room in the end shrugZ. anyayz, I locked myself down in that room layed down in my bed the bed waz at the wall right in front of the glass like door that swung open to the outside and like I waz listening to some music. I had never heard it in reality but I remember knowing in the dream it waz a cd of No Doubt. So like the creepy guy who used to stalk me startz following me around the house before that and like he'z yelling my name out and I'm like hidingin my room. My mom tellz him to I'm downstairz I like think gee thanx mom! I remember seeing the image of dirty clothez flung down those stairz az it used to b at that house. And like him walking down to my room twisting the knob til it fell open walking in and like basically startz harrassing me. I try to get rid of him but nao luck so I'm like before that trying to figure out the number to call Josh for some fawked up reason couldn't remember hiz number in the dream so I'm like looking through the phone book not finding it before he had entered my room. Eih anyayz he startz taking off my clothez and trying to basically rape me and jamz one of hiz fingerz up my pussy. I told him the whole time I would not cheat on my boiyfriend cause I loved him more than anything and he just wouldn't listen to me. So I'm groaning and screaming and he'z like see you like it you want it and I'm like nao and start fighting him. And I remember where az I usually don't ever think when thingz happen but after they happen but I find a way to avoid hiz advancez of trying to get hiz fingerz bak up my vagina and make it unaproachable and he getz pissed and runz out of my room with hiz clothez and I get bak dressed and my momz telling me I should get with him hez nice and stupid stuff like that. I look at her and am like fawk nao I love Josh don't want him never have. And she'z like okay okay. And I remember like everyone waz going to some type of performance I think some type of cruise like thing it waz either to go there or the moviez and my mom waz like yeah to call him up for another one of my many datez and I'm like who'z him and shez like the guy who used to stalk me. I'm like haven't we been over thiz? I don't want him! And I remember Brandon being there with one of hiz male friendz and he waz on the phone going off about Jessica to someone. I remember then going to some auditorium and like the guy who waz stalking me waz there and started chasing me trying to jump me and stuff scaring the hell out of me. So I run and finally find or remember Josh'z number and like call him and finally feel safe. I remember also I kept trying to call Melissa after that freek wouldn't leave me alone and of course I availed to nao answer. Gawd that waz one of the most strangest dreamz. I didn't honestly understand it too awfully much. I just think it'z interesting in some degree it haz to mean something because all dreamz do don't they? mrow I dunno ah wellz. I feel so high right now. Blasting the White Stripez ;p Should make it into I fell in love with a boiy insead of girl tho ;p mrowwww help me please?

Judy Garland
I've noticed I don't remember when it waz in the last couple of dayz. . . .anyayz, TBS iz showing the Wizard of Oz on thanxgiving. I've HONESTLY done an injustice to saying who my favorite actress izh. I honestly have alwayz loved Judy Garland most of all. She waz fawking gorgeous, tiny az hell, red haired, and most importantly I have never been able to get enough of her voice. I love the animated movie she doez called Gaye Purree for Paris and kittyz mrow she haz a breath taking voice. I don't care if she'z dead or not she could top any of the actressez of thiz era in a secondnao denying that one. sighz can't believe I've kept all the writingz I have either. most of everything I've put up lately izh pretty old I just think they're all good and if wanted can b read shrugZ. mrow feelz mega lost not sure where I stand relationship wise and emotionally I honestly have nao idea what I mean to the person I'm in love with and it really unnervez the hell out of me I guess I should take Adamz advice and just point out i NEED to talk to them but hell when you never talk or see them how can one do that? mrow I'm tired and i feel extremely high from the drugz so dont mind me

Prisoner

Tell me this Just exactly what do you want me for? Am I only a pawn to settle your score? To get what I'm lacking do you go elsewhere to some whore? What keeps you coming back to me for more?

Just what have I become? A prisoner to my passion is to what I've succumbed The bleeding pain you force upon me leaves me coldly numb Seduced to be a slave of your desire Promising me your love, you're such a traiterous liar

What are you out of your mind? Believing you can have me and someone else too No one's dumb enough to be that blind For once why don't you try telling me the truth What do you think your vicious lies are going to prove? You're so barbaric and ruthless

Chorus How did I become a part of this game that's so provocatively perverted You kiss me on the lips, but nothing tastes the same Everything grows quieter, as I'm growing introverted As you watch my skin tantalizingly burn I take all the blame

Chorus

To be your jezebel wasn't the reason for my creation What a thought without me you might have to go so low as to capitulate to masturbation I'm not your torture toy for you to stroke into manipulation Sorry if not having me around leads to a complication But I'm tired of having you tell me how to feel and be Can't you see With you I'm done You haven't won

Scratch

Slippery slimy eelz Slam on the breaks tripping over the three inch heels HE WAS MINE BUT YOU HAD TO STEAL! Every one I loved stolen one by one away Pour the wine give me as much alcohol in that preference of beverage you can the bartender looks at me saying Heath no more today But what to do what to do when there are soooo many dragons awaiting my sword to slay Laughing at me you probably believe I'm just drunk from the liquor on my hot breath But mister miss thing whatever the hell you are I'M NOT PLAYING WHEN EACH NIGHT THIS IS THE WAY I TRY AND DROWN MYSELF FROM DEATH

I used to be the mistress of the silver handled whip I held you in bondage while tying marashino cherrys around my tongue while you put them in my mouth having your fingers to lick I used to hold in my hand the ace of spadez Or was that merely your dick that you kept making me handle and bitingly touch I'd approach the stage I was the lady of diamondz who could with her back turned light your match Only the cigarette was in my mouth not in between your lips No time for pets or pats You're way too busy with all the rest of your tramps Watch out because I will dig my nails in and dramatically attack DAGGER POINTED CLAWZ ARE WHAT IM GOING TO USE TO SCRATCH

You're screwing me over I can feel it in my veins Why does every male I love go for some skank with no brains? You say you don't want a chick who's going to do everything you say Then why do you only pay attention to the ditziest blond I've ever seen? Or anything with two legs and a pussy that will let you tear down their self esteem? Your little whores think they have it made Ride that pony express while it lasts because as soon as there's someone better to latch on to and in their burning eyes escape You'll be gone and never even give that whore another glance I know all about you IF THESE WOMEN ONLY KNEW!

Chorus

In these biceps I no longer believe Thanx to you mister casanova I wear my heart on my fishnet sleeve I like to walk around in black thong bikini panties and bra when you and the rest of your crowd leaves I can't wait til your whores find out exactly what their getting themselves into Because you are no prince charming no way in hell a dream come true I'm not stupid enough to put up with your stupid crap I'd rather play my electric guitar using the sharps and flats i'd love to knock you down flat DIE YOU RODENT OF A RAT

Chorus

why do you profess to care what I feel when you could care less? why should you care youre entirely heartless please back off im now the royal pussy countess and your type of species really doesnt go all that well with a feminine feline mistress don't look at me with that interest canine we both know youre not guiltless so stop trying to make me the bad chick when all you are is a prick you picked a chick of the garbage patch SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH

Waste

I loved you I seriously loved you Now all I can bring myself to do is hate your guts Go fuck all the rest of your sluts I no longer want to hear about you A dysentary of a yellow bellied double crossing liar you're fucked up so true I asked if you cared all it took was a simple yes or no Sorry if it upsets you to hear the truth that in fact you violated me as a screwtoy and night after night emotionally I was used My skin with knives cut and bruised If you're so bored go screw your stupid fake two dollar ho

Cut me Go ahead I said cut me! You know you want to whip me mother fucker every night you get so angry Asking haven't I had enough of your guilt trip? GUILT TRIP? HA! GO ASK AN EVEN MORE UNFORGIVING CREATURE YOU UNFAITHFUL PIMP For over a year I loved your sorry ass Not once of your infidelity for forgiveness did I ask I dreamt away all my freedom just to please you It did me no good because here I am now loving some other dude

Some nights your name pops into my head and I think maybe just maybe that undecent jackass is a part of my life I miss But then I think of all the mules sweat and piss That you made me drink With all the hard labor that I put up with just to try and arouse you and be your heavenly kink Some nights I'd lay quiet contemplating if I were the innocent playing the part of the seductress Just to have your jellyfish mind impressed You never once knew what you were because you own no spine You slither and crawl on your belly with the reptiles You're as nasty smiling as the crocodile Robbing the cradle you're a real pedophile Get out of my sight Take your bitch with the sagging pussy while you're at it I'm sure it's covered in maggots and termites

You're the regular run of the mill bastard Don't try and discipline me the devil is my master STAY THE FUCK AWAY DON'T TOUCH MY FEMININE RACE DON'T FLING THE WORDS I LOVE YOU IN MY FACE I SAID STEP AWAY YOU AREN'T GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER TASTE Sorry you had every chance but because of you they all ended up in WASTE

Twisted Sister

Reprimanded for talking dirty

Saying little girl you can't suck that lollypop until you're thirty

I walk into your little room where anime fans flock to chat

Sorry that

I'm not miss one anime soap

But I'd much rather be hanged by a silver rope

That would uncoil like a snake

Then waste all my time watching cartoons on screen that are fake

Sorry that I don't look at all your pornographic hentai

What can I say?

Except that it makes me sick to think that people would look at cartoon drawings of naked chix and guys to get horny

Cheesy pathetic corny

Next you'll be telling me there are real live unicorns

Even though they're the most beautiful mystical creature with one horn

We all know they belong in fairy tales

With all the prince Charmings and all the legends that never fail

You say you love sex but you can't handle the subject

Whining because you've got to masturbate as some toad rejects

What do you expect?

You say you want sex but you can't handle the dick

Sorry that I don't believe in ownership and sixteen year olds being with little boys who are pussy whipped

You know what I mean by being pussy whipped

You've got that boy by the dick and he's totally licked

Mesmerised like a cute fuzzy little animal you enjoy calling your pet

Excuse me I don't believe in one significant mate

Telling me you'll throw me out mistress is that a threat?

Well you don't scare me because I'd love to meet the Ninjaz cold blade

To kill me with your fornication of hate

Sorry to interrupt your sweet princess little girlish dream

Sorry didn't know people who pose as your friends could be so mean

So who's the filthy one now my dears?

Yeah in your heart of this cunning bitch you'd better have some fear

Because as much as my mutilating goes its usually myself I like to put in grave danger

However that can all be thrown and locked on the highest shelf

When you start to feel like a stranger And push me to living on the edge

From the edge of Aquarius

Yeah let's all have a slumber party

Make sure the boys are never tardy

Boys on the side

Isn't that right?

Under the covers so scared of your parents you hide

I'm the only true wild soul

You all want to make it out like you have it so bad and that you understand

But you don't know

What its like to feel like me and love a man

Because you only love little boys and its all a game of who belongs to who

Uh oh no one pick the same guy

Otherwise claws may come out flying in a brainstew Snotstew

Yum yum want a taste?

Fucked up little girl that's why I'm such a waste

Of perfectly good space

In your little anime board

I don't follow the rules, accord, or decorum

Stick to your guns and stop trying to pose as wild, crazy, flamboyant creatures

Love to all of you is the one thing you want to behold but how can you when you suckle upon a hoard

Of boys you enjoy to call your male whores

You laugh and giggle

Saying I'm your friend and it should be that simple

Right?

Well it's not because you leave me out

I may be a bitch and I may be a whore who practices witch craft

Living out loud

I want a bubble bath

So my pussy can be shaved

SHOCKED by the way I sluttishly behave

Men love it and women despise it

Calm down twisted sister

Get in line and take a number

If youre sexy enough I'll screw you mister

I want a hot guitarist or drummer

To teach me all I ever need to know

To have my music knock you out with one blow

Tramp

Do you enjoy pretending to be my better half?

I miss your smile and I miss your laugh

I miss trailing my fingers along your shaft

I miss the sensation of sucking

I was a fearless PiXy who was perfect for the plucking

Down my body your fingers are strumming

I'm so turned on

And I HATE it

This has been going on

You call me your friend with benefits

But exactly what are benefits?

Because the only one from that I profit

Is that I'm constantly broken

Seduce me before no is spoken

I can't go on like this from dusk til dawn

Laying still in the grass of your front lawn

As you fondle my breasts and stroke my nipples

Until their flesh becoming taut and supple

Passion too complex to be simple

People tell me we make such a cute couple

But then I mean nothing at all to you

NOTHING!

An emotional barrier inbetween you and I grew

You told me one day you were going to let me wear your ring

But I guess that was just another one of your lies

What am I

Can you tell me without forcing me to cry?

Just tell me the truth

If you have to be uncouth

But please give me some type of proof

Just one simple token that shows you truly do care

Instead of saying yes I care

YES I CARE

Telling me don't play with that knife

Heather put it down

You lie

LIE CHEAT STEAL

OOH WHAT A CHEAP THRILL

Damn you I'm growing to hate you strongly enough to kill Heather please put it down

Laughing hysterically are you scared?

ARE YOU?

Well I am too

Scared out of my head

But that won't keep me from taking this next inch of

flesh and I won't stop until I'm dead

To you it's just another cut

He's a mutt

A real tramp

The markings leaving my body as a branded stamp

Shutting my mouth tightly pressing the metal clamp

Because you don't want to hear my words

You don't want to feel what you deserve

You don't want to feel the pain and hurt

That you're a tramp

A tramp who lies and uses girls to fuck and screw

The jokes on you

Because this is one bitch you won't dig into with your filthy paws

Bleeding as much as I can until the wounds deadly raw

I did it all for you

TRAMP

FUCK ME TRAMP

PiXy

You're a lost boy who's began to grow up

A stray cute little pup

Gliding as you gracefully fly over the moonbeams and the North star

Looking deep inside for what you are

Traveling so far

Straight on past the stars until you reach dawn

That's the direction to find Never Never land

Being brought into this world, when you never wanted to take on the responsibility of a man

Nor the obligation life constantly demands

So I became your savior

I snatched you out of your cradle

Stealing you away to an exotic, mystical haven

To dispense your loneliness you decide to leave for home

When upon reaching your window

It was shut, locked and permanently closed

To them you had become a ghost

They had forgotten about your existence

Seeking for another domain of an open windowsill with defyinng persistence

Finding a sweet young girl's window open

Knowing that you're infatuated with the feeling from her you're receiving

Leaves me jealous as sin

Flying back to Never Never land with a wicked grin

Scheming to have her shot down by the hands of the rest of your men

You come back for the time being

You spend time with me ever so briefly

Then to find your nostalgia of a distant mystique you leave me here once again

Dwelling all alone

Looking for your lost shadow that has traipsed into the window of the children's nursery

Each year you go back to that window in the summer as if it's some important anniversary

Going back to hear the woman child sing stories

The jealousy of your time away filling me with animosity

The envy fills me with a deadly velocity

Then you just suddenly stopped coming back filling my silly pixy head with curiosity

Wondering if you're still alive

Wondering if you're still able to fly

Never catching a glimpse of you or your shadow in the midnight sky

Wondering since you no longer have the aid of my magical pixy dust

Have you become old and hollow and hardened into rust? Have you died?

I only have the faith left of my trust

Tears brimming from the center of my eyes

Wondering if you miss your feuds with Captain hook

Wondering what so long of you has took

Still gazing up making sure to look

Finally one night you returned

After you're hut by Hook had been burned

You came back with an older soul with your brown hair messed up and your clothing was wrinkled

You couldn't remember anything of this magic no matter what amount of pixy dust I sprinkled

Hook conquests a battle challenging you

You were in no shape everyone knew

Hook saying forget that he'd just as soon as forget you and kill

No longer caring about a thrill

Not letting it go until the last breath

My feisty personality conjured up words to make Hook want to battle for his death

To get you into a stately condition I had one week

The lost boys wouldn't believe you were my Peter and would barely listen to me speak

You finally came to remember

I knew I was the one who had led you to your self discovery

You just needed a moment to have your imagination come back to full recovery

I was the one for you who had always been there

You remembered the greatest battles and journeys you and I shared

I've tried my best to fight it

I've desperately tried to hide it

But no matter what I do to conceal

It's there in every image, breath, and moment with you I feel

I know my love for you is real

I want to give you a kiss

So you'll awake to remember this world's bliss

Everything that was once dear to you and that I know you've missed

You awake from your sleeping

But not to want to stay here with me in fantasia dreaming

You no longer want to be a little boy

You want to grow up to be in the world so reverent

Staying here with us after the great war you never had any intent

I know I can't stop it

And away from me to win the war and go home I shall be the one to lead

My help is something you crucially need

Across the sky past the north star and onto dawn with you I'll guide

Back to the loving arms of your family and bride

Losing another piece of my pride

A peacemaking tree hugging hippie

Forever in the realms of Never Never land I'll always be your PiXy

As long as in me you believe

I'll wait for you in the place somewhere between being awake and asleep

Forever there my loving heart for you I'll keep

Because you are the one and only Peter Pan

The king of my Never Never land

Despite

thiz a poem Adam wrote at some point about some female he gave it to me it just mega reminded me of the way I feel about some stuff sighZ I feel like I just cause pain. . . .

I loved you and hated you Raped and sedated you Denied the truth from you And made myself fake for you To take away the lies for you I hid away the real me from you And now nothing I can do for you Will bring you back to me

I lay all the blame on me I didn�t know what to be I didn�t like the real me So I hid it where you couldn�t see Deep inside of me I sorta understand why you�d leave There wasn�t anyone more fake than me The one truth I know is that I love you

Nothing takes my mind off you Nothing that I know how to do I can�t believe I wasn�t true And the lies is what cost me you I can taste the stains in me Poisons from what I couldn�t be I�m dying now for all to see I can�t believe all this pain is because of me.

Chocolate Chicken
sighZ haz had a mega terrible day AGAIN. mrow just feelz completely alone. STUPID STUPID STUPID. yesh that'z me! mrow I'm just so fawking out of it Dima showed me pix of hiz girlfriend just made me feel even more fawking ugly than I already do sighZ nao wonder I'm not wanted! mrow that and then just EXTREMELY wanted to have a person who wanted to b around me all the time like that gawd I suck I MEGA FAWKING SUCK cream corn cream corn in my ear tell me that I cannot hate hate pretty baby I cannot relate!

an even more exasperating sigh
guess what I did today? and you're going to think what a fawking freeky little bitch she iz! I cried while watching the movie Hook course I do it about every fawking time I watch that movie. You're probably wondering why. . .well the reason iz if you've actually ever watched the movie I can totally relate to Tinkerbellz part in that. Of course EVERYONE already knowz I think of myself az a PiXy and adore her. But nao you just have to know where she'z coming from in that movie. Tinkerbellz part showz a hidden meaning of her in that movie. A side you WILL never come ro recognize nor see in any other Peter Pan movie. Every time I let myself watch it I me crfeel the essence of the relationship I had with Will. It'z totally fawked I know but you have to just b able to see her characterz story in it. It'z like she fallz in love with him and rescuez him from what the world haz obliterated in him, savez him from himself and givez him hiz imagination. A key thing I did for Will. I gave him a lot of what he iz. Of course he used it against me a reason it makez me cry ;/ mrow it'z just like she givez him EVERYTHING she'z made of and helpz him remember everything he can't and he'z just using her to get bak to hiz real true love. He NEVER once planned to stay with her forever and she comez to realize that. That iz the key element of why it remindz me more than anything of me and Will. I finally came to realize he'd never love me forever. That and then in the end she tellz him I'll love you in thatlittle place right in between being half asleep and half awake. It'z just so fawking symbolic to me I don't quite understand why. sighZ I'm fawked in the head that'z why ;p mrow it'z just the one memory I can't shake of him because I waz hiz PiXy. That'z why for quite some time I couldn't adorn myself with the name PiXy and I went to Iris. It reminded me of him too much and had too many memoriez clinging to it at the time. Of course that'z nao longer present where I could care less about him any more shrugZ. Nah izh in love with Josh now so it'z all good just watching that alwayz makez me remember that fawked up uneverlasting time of a fairy tale I lived for a present amount of time. shrugZ nuff of that bull shit eih? hmm what else did we do today. ohhh yeah we had the stupid thanxgiving dinner thing where mom haz to werk thursday to b quite honest eating makez me feel mega sick any more I'm going to stop eating I'm tired of feeling sick all the time. yawnz still pretty fawking tired. ohhhh mahn that dude followed me from PiXy to Silverfame thatz fawking scary prolly someone who knowz me playing with my head if so itz not going to werk youre not going to get what you hoped for iz a good little person in that extent and if you knew my thoughtz if thiz izh what I'm thinking then you'd realize knowing what I think of every five minutez that I'd NEVER do anything to hurt the one I love. mrow yesh thinkz of the cute green eyed person about that much any more wayyy too much in love. mrow I have a monster named Drew who'z obsessed with staring at my hair I waz like shyeah the green eyed person likez that for some reason too you poor people. mrow course likez the eyez wayyy too much mrow starez at Drewz a lot too theyre kinda piercing for a dark blue. okay that dude said it waz a mistake for iming me again gotta see if he'll im me on my chiasma name lmfao. if he doez i know itz notjust some random coincidence ;p mmm im tired so must go to bed

;aterZ

the most fawked convo

az you can tell when I stumbled over here not looking to talk to thiz person or the other pedophile who won't leave me alone on that name I wazn't awake

HotMaleISOBiF: hi

Auto response from PiXyStarlett: PiXyStarlett is online but may be away from AOL right now.

PiXyStarlett: dt

HotMaleISOBiF: hi

PiXyStarlett: hiya

PiXyStarlett: sorry about that

PiXyStarlett: waznt over here

HotMaleISOBiF: horny?

PiXyStarlett: lol what a question

PiXyStarlett: do i know you

HotMaleISOBiF: ..no, is that ok?

PiXyStarlett: lol yeah

PiXyStarlett: age/sex/loc?

HotMaleISOBiF: 28 M Tampa and you?

PiXyStarlett: 19/f/hell

HotMaleISOBiF: do you like talking on the phone?

PiXyStarlett: nah not really

PiXyStarlett: not to strangerz

HotMaleISOBiF: I can be your friend...:-)

PiXyStarlett: shyeah sure mrow thinkz you just want the oppurtunity to try and seduce her

HotMaleISOBiF: :-P

PiXyStarlett: and i dont know how much my bf would appreciate another mahn doing that

HotMaleISOBiF: can U handle me?

PiXyStarlett: uhm who sayz i want to handle you?

HotMaleISOBiF: you want to dont you? *smile*....

PiXyStarlett: uhm being az i dont know you nao?

HotMaleISOBiF: ;-)

PiXyStarlett: weird arent you

HotMaleISOBiF: no

PiXyStarlett: i think so

PiXyStarlett: preying on innocent femalez saying they want you when they dont even know you

PiXyStarlett: soundz pretty pedophilish to me

HotMaleISOBiF: bye

PiXyStarlett: lol

PiXyStarlett: see itz you who cant handle me ;p

HotMaleISOBiF: do you like talking on the phone?

PiXyStarlett: not exactly

HotMaleISOBiF: bye

PiXyStarlett: i dont give my phone number to just anyone

HotMaleISOBiF: what about me?

PiXyStarlett: yes good bye stalker in disguise

HotMaleISOBiF: bye

Now I know
,mrow rememberz what I waz thinking about before my train of thought got broken. . .mrow waz just thinking of how Kohlz going there with the weather being az it iz bringz bak some nostalgia. mrow just remindz me a bit of a time of my life two yearz ago shrugZ ohhh yeah forgot when I waz like waiting to ask if they had my moviez at Suncoast saw thiz guy in line who like looked a lot like Josh I waz like ahhhh remindz me of Josh evil person making me want him again bad bad bad should have like kicked that guy lmfao mrow I'm evil yesh yesh. shrugZ retarded me.

You don't know anything

Another one of my favorite songz by Ivy that oftenly makez me think of myself shrugZ

By now there's nothing left to say- I just opened your letter. I know you're only human but I expect something better. You let me down again. You drove me to the end. And it's so strange the way you've changed. You knew me well. Now I can tell you don't know anything.

By now there's nothing I can say- I just finished your letter. I know you're barely human but I can get something better. You let me down again. You drove me to the end.

And it's so strange the way you've changed. You knew me well. Now I can tell you don't know anything.

You let me down again. You drove me to the end.

And it's so strange the way you've changed. You knew me well. Now I can tell you don't know anything.

And it's so strange the way you've changed.

Audible Sigh
sighZ sorry to say I just feel mega BLAH. would love to do something destructive to Heather but eih that'd probably only piss everyone off even more than they are at me now. shrugZ damn having to b good. grrrowlz. Ya know I just get the impression and feeling that everyone I could care about could fawking care less about me? Iz it paranoia, insanity, or just that little sixth sense that I love to call my intuition that just KNOWZ when somethingz going to happen? Gawd I feel so fawking sick too feel like I'm going to puke again. bluhhh mrow eih I either have an ulcer or it'z just the birth control patch acting up shrugZ. maybe I and the rest of the world shall get lucky and I'm secretly dying! mrow I gave talking to Melissa another shot last night it waz only a bit after ten and like her mom answered and waz mega nice to me at first then askz who I am and I say Heather and she getz like thiz mega just go the hell away voice and tellz me she'z asleep. I', like riiiiiiiiiiiight. mrow I've prolly just made everyone tired of me with how fawking buggy and annoying I am. sighZ mrow feelz mega stupid and retarded and just wishez she could disappear into the void of nothingness. mrow been Christmas shopping the last two dayz let'z see had to first off go to Kroger and get my birth control pillz gag mrow freaky how the government will pay the whole price of my birth control pillz lmfao mrow got purple lipstick, and blue and purple fingernail polish. mrow it waz funny the way my mom thought her husband told her to go to tractor supply for a ham when it waz southern estatez lmfao. mrow pretty damned funny to me. so we went there after that then like we went and like stopped at Hastingz morw scary how walking in there remindz me and makez me think of Josh yesh needz help! mrow got to get anime there let'z see got like three Sailor Moon dvdz and then one Eva and one Saber Marionette J. mrow fun fun. mrow talked to Josh like the last couple of nightz kinda got the feeling last night he REALLY just didn't want to talk to me all that much mrow kinda wonderz if he even likez me at all. Never can tell with people any more and I feel so fawking weird all the time. mrow shyeah kinda wonderz if he knowz that when I waz like talking to him uhm Thursday night that I waz sitting there playing with myself lmfao. mrow yesh I'm bad. Can't help it tho, he mega turnz me on nao matter what something I'll never understand how nor why but eih it happenz shrugZ. mrow I really do love him just don't alwayz know exactly how he feelz about me eih I'll leave him alone for a while I'm about tired of people to b quite honest. mrow then today went to first off we went down to like Kohlz and I couldn't really help pick anything there out except for Heather lmfao mrow which I found for her thiz extremely cute long sleeved tshirt like shirt that had Tinkerbell on it, a white satiny shirt with like the flared sleevez. and thiz short sleeve cute like red shirt with glitter all over it. Let'z see then we went over to the Fayette mall and I helped her pick out clothez for my sisterz and then my stepbrother at Lazarus and then some wallet for the person of Donniez family he had to buy for. Some snobby little bitch named Tracy a mega prep just like my dong sisterz. mrow gawd hatez people who try to b something that they're fawking not just to become liked. You know I'm really tired of being nice to people. they're never nice to me so why the fawk do I bother? I'm tired of being pushed around so I'm not going to fawking care who the hell it iz I'm going to say whatever the fawk I feel any more. I'm going bak to that state of being me. So enjoy. If you don't like it you can fawking avoid me like every other fawking person doez in my life! mrow then we went over to Suncoast so that I could get the moviez I want which I got Heavenly Creaturez and the Quillz both on dvd. mrow yesh showz how fawking much I liked them. sighz getting louder and louder. .. .not like anyone'z listening! mrow and why when people don't want to see me or talk to me do they tell me not to do anything bad to myself? Why????? Please do explain. mrow let'z see it waz like Wednesday that I saw Christinaz mom in Kroger I didn't recognize her where first off I waz so spacey and then like eih I haven't seen her in like a year and a half at least and like eih I waz like ohhh mahn I felt so bad when she told me who she waz. mrow she told me Christinaz not coming home for Christmas ;/ mrow I gotta send her an xmas card now eih I don't want anyone to feel like they have to get me anything for Christmas at all. ACTUALLY wanting to spend time with me and stuff would b nuff for me. mrow more than likely am going to b alone on Thanxgiving but ya know what? That'z perfectly fine. Do I need anyone who doezn't want me or want to b with or around me? FAWK NAO! mrow I can fend perfectly well on my own. Have before have for a long ass time. Hell can't b any worse than last Thanxgiving mom had to werk then too but eih Mel made me feel SO fawking bad by having Elesia at her house and like would NOT pay one bit of attention to me. I wanted to go kill myself that night. So I made up thiz bull shit of going out with someone and getting high just to try and piss them off and I waz like eih yeah im going to do any drug I can get my handz on. The guy who'd been stalking me waz around them then and so I waz like eih yeah may even b getting some sex to piss him off lmfao. mrow I'm evil ;p mrow may b going bak down to Lexington here in a bit getz to get fishiez if we do FISHY FISHY FISHY lmfao. mrow eih not a clue what I'll name them tho more than likely Japanese namez sighz iz lonely and stuff hmm what else waz I thinking? dont remember shrugZ

laterZ

Topcat

Do you think the scars and the torture I had to go through because of you was some fun little joyride? Why don't you try to put up with what you dish out For once for a tantalizing change Should I keep listening or should I run for my life? I can't exactly decide I will remain alone this time Until I know for sure what's mine I'm sick of hearing you whine Why can't you face the truth? Why do you always go and hide?

I will face you I can't believe what you've done now The essence of bliss we had can't explain how I will win don't you dare question that And you will admit that I'm the one who will be the top tigress cat What do you want from me? Why must you blame me? When your problems are not one bit my fault Learn how to deal instead of coping by putting me in dangerous assault Last nite I had the advantage I laughed my ass off when you and your simpering lackey whores called me the bitch of a gang and the member of the devil's cult You said you didn't want to love me I'd rather than love the devil than you Oh yah! After your bull shit lie of love that did come true! Your lying games of cruelty Always come back to hurt only me

You love every chick you can Anyone who will submit to the prospect of letting their body have your hands Covering it all over But not this chick who has soooo much passion to smoulder You tried to take it all away by being a creep BUT NEVER AGAIN FOR YOU WILL I CUT, OVERDOSE, BURN OR WEEP MY FINGERS GOING IN AND OUT MORE AND MORE DEEP FEEL SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOUR DICK I HATE YOUR STUPID LIEZ I HATE THE WAY YOU HAVE A MISSION TO PROVE ME WRONG AND WANT TO TRY IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN BECAUSE ABOUT YOU I DON'T CARE ONE BIT I can already tell it's not going to work when you yelled at me that my weird awkwardness from your emotional toying games wasn't matrimony Thank god because as a witness they'd have to give narcissistic bad ass bastard disease at my testimony

Back off bitch and go contemplate Every single demolitioning act you pushed me in and how my body each time you lied about wanting me was violated And no I don't appreciate The fact that you want to lie to just once again have me as your sex slave to dominate Practice telling the truth once again And then When you've grown into a decent man Then you may come back and Wish for us to be friends but until you practice resistance and loyalty I don't want to see your ass any where near me because a pain in my ass is what you come out to be royally I have much more to think of and no patience to try and let you talk and not become annoyed IVE HEARD YOU EXPLAIN AND TALK TOO MUCH NEVER AGAIN FROM THE FATAL IMPACT OF THE WORLD WILL I BE YOUR FUCKING CRUTCH

Super Power

I hate relationships

I hate having to be exact and define

Staring at your eyes and lips

Wondering what it would be like to kiss

I want you as mine

But I know you won't just have me

You come here to lie to me with your good looks and fake smile

I loved you forever but it took me a long while

To figure out About me you totally don't care

You stopped caring about me

For reasons to me unknown

I feel like a toy that just gets thrown

Thrown all around

I want to fuck you above the glittering lights of this town

What I am to you any more doesn't even matter

Some days when you push me to the limit I want to have your head served on a silver platter

All I know any more is that I love you

You've always knew

By you its just dismissed

Those fingertips

I think of you from the moment I awaken to the moment my head is succumbed with sleeps exhaustion

I have learned from so many fatal mistakes to approach you with caution

I don't want to get hurt again

Stupidly to you I let my will cave in

I love you with everything I have left

But its never enough

You still only think about the girl you were in love with who is now dead

I'm just a super power heroine like the girls of Powerpuff

But it doesn't mean a thing

Because even my super powers can't win your love

Through hoops you've got me jumping

I fell in love with you while I was in Hollywood slumming

Kiss my pretty celebrity skin

My pussy lips are great for fucking

But I fear thats all I am to you a great fucking partner in a business arrangement

A great girl for the sex exchangement

A suckling sweety of sweet and sour taste

From you I'm a female whos became sour

Don't believe you'll dominate me just because over me you tower

I could still kick your ass

I won't presume to compete with your dead ghost chinadoll of glass

Give me one good reason to live

That's all I have to ask any more

You beg me every day

Heather put those ideas of your head dont leave and go away

But you know you really want me gone

I can see it in the way you use me

I can see it the way you constantly neglect me

Please just kill me

Rid me of all your and my misery

I know you're no longer who I'm most attracted to

So why is it that I become so excited when you walk into the room?

I'm slowly growing to hate this treatment

I'm craving something different

Yet I still cling to your security and familiarity

Your sexual impurity

I've never even laid eyes on your physical appearance

So why do I crave your foreplay and interference

Upon my body?

Screw you and your dick

I can find all that you have offer me in other suitors

Why do they always feel like such intruders

Why can't I forget our past and history

Like you have

Why can I not extract you from inside of me like a hysterectamy

Flaking you off of my skins epidermis like a scab

Yet still there remains the fleeting scar mapping me out like a never ending story

Will I always to you belong?

Please don't tell me this will last forever

Because I can't be tied down to someone who doesn't love me and just wants me to violate what lies under my thong