arwen

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Name: Gothy/Heather/PiXy/Iscis
Age: 18
Location: hell
Birthday: April 20th 1983

Favorite Anime
1.) Sailor Moon
2.) Saber Marionette J
3.) Lain
4) Card Captor Sakura
5) Tenchi Muyo/Pretty Sammy

Favorite TV Shows
1.) Passionz
2). Dayz of our livez
3.) That 70z show
4.) Will N Grace
5.) Alias

Favorite Music Groups
1.) Garbage
2.) the Start
3.) Veruca Salt
4.)superchick
5.) No Doubt

Favorite Actors
1.) Erik Von Detten
2.) Jensen Acklez
3.) Ryan Phillippe
4.) Josh Hartnett
5.) Elijah Wood

Favorite Actresses
1.) Drew Barrymore
2.) Angelina Jolie
3.) Nicole Kiddman
4.) Reese Witherspoon
5.) Kate Winslett

Red Crimson Paradise

Melissa'z Chibi Page

Tascha'z Live Journal

Tascha'z Fucking Page

Melissa'z May Page

Melissa'z Shorty Page

Amy's Blog

Garbage G Spot

Christa'z Page

Kewl Animation

Don't Sleep

Elfwood

Absolute Divaz

LunaChix Lyrix

Poe

Joy'z Page

Chloe'z Page

Wound Girlz

the Avengerz

Gore

Gaiaz Livejournal

Harry Potter

BAIT

Strange

Fragglez

Engrish

Ayanami

Laurenz Page

Click

Switchblade Kittenz

Straight/Gay Personalz

Lauren'z Blog

Punk

Jamiez Blog

Meganz Blog

Chiasm

Hiloz blog

Eyelinerz

Rhymezone

Bjork

Gundam fanfix

lyricz

Anniez Page

Labyrinth lyricz

bandmatrix

Jenna and Robbiez Journal

Ruin Explorerz Linkz

Lord of the Ringz

Fam Pix

Music Videoz

Ruin Gallery

handmaid may pic

Ruin lyrix

omgpix

Leona Naess lyrix

Melanie C lyrix

Veruca Salt lyrix

Review Site

Madonna lyrix

Elizabeth Barothy

Jeffrey Dahmer

Gir page

robbie'Z poem

the major blog ;p

Placebo lyrix

wicked gothyz place

Scoundrel

I'm tired of hearing the wordz "I want to die" Have you ever been jilted By more than one guy That you truly wanted Did he never say good bye And just leave you disappointed Without any reason to ease your mind? I'm not complaining so don't let your unredeeming pity b offered Did you take the time To ever get to know what about me waz uncovered? Nao you've never exposed your eyez so productively blind You've never let your body b touched unless protected Protected by a sheathe of lustful love I've only had the liberty of spawnz to fuck Breaking a condom once a month

Don't prevail to b so stunned by my anger Don't look so shocked by the way I lose my temper I know you've had your clit licked by your master You enjoyed all the attention from him Didn't want to let him Go bak to waiting on her Hand and foot He misrepresented you Used you like hiz duped fool How could you? Listen to such transparent wordz? Thinking about you Giving into the broken down feelingz He'z only telling you To lure you into pretending And giving in To letting him Use you pulling you all the way in By making you believe he lovez you when hez only lying

Fawking lying scoundrelz You only want perfect silicon modelz And you lead me into the darkest of tunnelz Rodent infested King of the ratz you probably bring them with your cheezy breath They only need one whiff To know where the hell to turn I want to watch all of your flesh burn Straight off your anatomy And I want to kick in your face for laughing Laughing at me And all the misery you've put me And my soul through None of thiz really matterz to you I'm so sick of looking at you Crazy for ever wanting you Now all I want to do iz kill you I loathe all of mahnkind but especially you

Chorus

Broken little girl You thought you'd dispose of her Limbz cracking through the surface Of the ground to grasp your untouchable face You left me That'z all you were good for Mistreated me You believed you'd survive the scarlet massacre You tried to mutilate me But you know what you stupid bastard? I'd already had the dignity To mutilate myself Trying to make myself Feel the achievement of a better emotion Then the state of confustion Than the placement of insignificance That your cold dismemberment makes me dwell on

Chorus

Don't implicate me like that Don't dissolve me like that I know you don't give a damn About me or what I am But can you b any less tactless? Can you b any less fruitless When your sucking on the thumbz Of your new mistress Stop stepping all over me I once waz your greatest invisionary Don't you dare act like you don't know me I know you won't speak to me I know you're afraid of me Because I'm going to tell you exactly Everything your rotten carcass iz Don't think you're going to get away with it Not while I'm still living with it

Chorus

You turned me into your enemy With that mouth of steel That wouldn't dare kiss me That look of rue that made me feel completely shameful You never tried to love me You took one look at me And began to think hell nao thank you Because I could break the skin of your entity I'm dying to know The mystery Of why I waz such a joke to you Of why emotion iz so trivial to you Of why affection iz such a mind game to you But I guess you Will never answer me now will you Hell nao and we both know I'll alwayz b right I'll entrail the truth upon silent lipz until the day I die And you don't even consider my request To let myself slip away You still insist That I stay In the boundaries of my epidermis Your gripping shake iz too firm I'm expecting the worse So get it over with Call me the bitch That we both know you believe me to b Go ahead I'm ready for it It nao longer effectz me

Goth Girl Despair

Gothy b thy name Gothic girl iz the one who came You kissed her on the lipz Poison waz all you could taste Lemon with a kiwi twist Copy and paste Your tainted dreamz Into the bak of your mind thatz been wasted You don't know how to day dream Don't lie I've seen behind those red rimmed eyez Nothing there and you know why? Because you have nao mind And follow whatever you're told blindly

You thought it would b so easy To hold me down and just kiss me I need to tell you I need for you to know How dumb it waz for you To follow The living daylights down All the way down Into hell Just to empty your pocketz And come into your full paid meal ticket Can't believe it How souless humahnz have become I never knew it All could b true that I'd meet someone Just like you Such a sick bastard who Only compulsively Lied to me

I now finally know what you really are I found out When you threw it all out Into the bakseat of the garbage Believing I'd diminish it Gobble it All up for my dinner Never knew I could b presented with someone any less cleaner Than you are now Never knew I could find myself trapped with someone who had less demeanor Than I'm standing before now Don't try and turn my cold steel gaze away You know who I am but you act like you can't hear anything I say You lying tramp Fainting az my eyelidz go black

Chorus

I didn't want it I never once trusted it Why waz I stupid Enough to let you talk me into going out my front door You wanted to use me like your common whore Thought you'd get away with it You actually thought I'd fuck that way??? Why did I believe it When I knew everything a mahn like you Could only put an unpretty girl like me through You never thought about it Now did You Tom Sawyer You only used her Az your precious little pin cushion toy I'm not going to let you get past me you wanna b super boiy

Chorus

You want to call thiz mine and hiz room You know nothing You banish me and pray for my doom When you feel absolutely nothing Nothing at all but self pity And itz a pity That all you Pay attention to Are the conditionz that you're faced with You never sympathize with The unknown entrance You only care about your heart of glass The one that you used on me To make me take off my pantz I didn't want to slide down that far Not on your bed I didn't want to suck on you while you were driving your filthy car Did you really believe that I wanted To sit under The rainbow With my lipz locked while you pull down my underwear Were you that fawkin naive dumbo? I'm never again letting your indecisive eyez stare Go the hell away you should have heard nao By now shouldn't you of even when you don't fawking care Do I feel sorry that you hurt now??? HELL NAO I WANT YOUR CROOKED COARSE TEETH TO SUCK ON MY DESPAIR

Mind Game

Love I used to have it Inspiration You used to give it Until you couldn't come up with it I think you really never had it You were just playing with fire And you fooled me into loving a liar You know I thought I could beat it out of you Until I discovered you never believed in me When you told me That my innocence would never do

What? You believed in my disguise? What? You trusted my innocent eyez? Should I thank you Or should I fawking hate you For not seeing through me You didn't look deeply Enough to see past the scarz That were torn into my armz By your shadowed eyez of disgust And how fawking stupid waz I to trust In such A lack of existence Of a soul That you have for just one instance Enough of thiz I'm through with you now GO!

Get out Get the hell out of my sight I never want to know What you thought looking at me with your eyez When you never could show Me anything you were Exactly what were You Can you Tell me who you Think yourself to b? Or are you again just trying to fawk with me?

Rest your guilty head Along the wall Of the dead Emberz and ashez of black Align the center to the left And you don't see me Az who I really am You see me in the viewing Of a blood drinker And you point all ten of your fingerz At me To adjust the surface and relieve your filthy thoughtz So nao one can really Know that you wanted me

What? You never thought that I knew? What You're scared because your plan fell all the way through? Should I thank you? Or should I fawking hate you For touching me With your skeleton of a prophecy For hanging on to me When you didn't want anything to do with me And showed me Exactly What it feelz like to feel thiz scary Should I adore you For making me into What you are?

I CAN'T THINK THAT WAY I CAN'T FEEL THAT WAY

You're trying to drain me Out of remembering what you did to me But I can't misrepresent the vengenance That drawz me bak to you To teach you of your penalty against Everything you Tried to push me into Believing. . . . You've never been real And you're going to reel When you find it out

Shrewdly

Can't shut your mouth for over two secondz Twenty two yearz old and you're still whining You can't wait two hourz twenty seven minutez and twenty three secondz When I've been waiting a life time and I'm still nao better off than dying You made a mistake but are you still breathing? Yes!!! You messed everything up but are you still a human being? Yes!!! Numb from constant feeling When you don't feel anything And how did I become such the lucky one To feel emotion For everything and everyone And you don't feel a fawking ounce Of pain Except when it comez down to you and then you complain

Self-centered iz only one way I can tell you what you are Self absorption splinterz you to the core Splatter self degration all over Your hairy face Daylight doeznt see me any more And you wonder why the misery locked inside of me came You can't relate to me any more? To you I waz never able to relate You only hurt me You only pierced me You only discriminated against me The only thing you're good for Iz leaving me angry With you and myself You claim you've suffered agony When you can't even come close to my agony

Everything you are you're only trying to b What you say meanz nothing Because you don't believe in any of it You don't even know how to listen to it To the world of the undertow You throw It all away In your empty glancez And the way You throw your grimacez Of disgust and discharge At me Because you just can't b in charge Of yourself or me!

Chorus

I'm so ashamed Of our responsibility And the way I used to take For granted and didn't listen to windz hostility Telling me To stop and kiss you Little then did I know me Little did I know you And I wanted to tell you But I wouldn't dare open my lipz For your tongue Because I waz scared of taking you in So I turned away and ran Now I regret leaving But I can't Go bak to what waz Because I honestly never knew what waz And what you felt Nor what I felt Because we were both too stupid To open the voidz of space Our mouthz painted and gave And now do you still feel that way now??. . . The same way we did when the moon shined down Onto my hair the hair you parted so neatly Only to steal away the wispz of time that grew so shrewdly

Crazed Slut

You ruin my good mood When your two Slitz of agony start looking at me like I'm a prostitute And you dont know what you do When you don't stop looking at me Behind that grimace of an igloo And I want to run out of the room screaming Because you're so stuck on you You could care less about me Coz in your mind drift I'm scary And you can't handle me Because I don't believe I'm sexy I don't believe in letting you fawk me I don't believe in using me Az a project of scrutiny I just can't find it funny When you're just using me az a sex puppy

Skinny dipping In the pool I know you're watching You're mouthz not going to drool More like bust into laughing Don't say you not going to Because then you'd only b lying And I don't want you To go getting Yourself into all that trouble Just to impress me Come on out with it on the double I need to hear you say you hate me I need to hear you say you are afraid of me I want your mouth to b az truthful Az your eyez are when myne are what they stare into

Saw you in the waiting room Staring at a blond and ask toopen the door Just for her don't even stand there with it open for muah You're such a fawking stupid whore And you know something you retarded wanna b don juan? Nobody lovez you!! Thatz right move on I don't want your mouth on My sweet little concave mouth'z crack Slipped on a piece of broken glass Slid into your foreign armz The territory I wanted to stay farthest from

Chorus

Can I kiss you Gawd how you've made me want you Just by looking at you Damn you All the way to hell Another male Who'z pushed my buttonz And I want you to unbutton Them all You made me look You caught my eye With your immaculate hair And I couldn't stop my eyez From looking Straight on past my boundary of safety I couldn't stop

Chorus

Why my mind can't stop asking Tell me simply Fingerz itching To reach out and grab you so damned tempting Can't stop myself From wanting to crush myself Against your masculine frame And haz my mind set changed? Because if I could take you home Or if you would take me home I'd do anything just for you to say Yes I could b your slave I know I've gone completely fawking crazy Because I can't stop saying please What kind of bitch in heat Have I become And who the fawk did thiz? Who the fawk made me want Johnny Dangerous? Why the fawk did you do thiz? Who the fawk wished thiz? If I could just. . STOP IT FORGET IT YOU CAN'T WIN THIZ YOU'LL NEVER HAVE HIM SO GET OVER IT AND CUT ANOTHER INCH TO THE BLOODY TENTH DEGREE OF HATRED I'm a crazed slut with her mind set And murder of a witch Burn me into death

Infuriating

Shoot me Electrocute me I'll make you wish you never knew me Gay lesbian prostitute Thiz iz what you pushed me into One too many lying mouthz Thought I knew all you were about Wrong I alwayz end up wrong Used to wanna fuck you I lied to you I lied to everyone When I said I wanted men Because I can't go on with my celibacy of boredom I want more than your one man nation kingdom I want her and I want her now Don't tell me nao and then ask me to follow Don't tell me nao and then ask me of my sorrow

I used to want him But he taught me the lesson of rejection I used to lust after him But he gave me the gift of infection I used to dream of him Until he threw away my affection I used to obey him Without one single question I used to trust him Until I heard your lying confession I used to love him Until he showed me love waz only how hard hiz dick waz being pressed in I used to adore him Until he showed me adoration only endz in aggression I used to b a slut for him WHOREZ WERE YOUR ONLY OBSESSION I USED TO BELONG TO HIM NOW I'M GOING TO GO OFF ON HIM NOW I'M GOING TO SMASH YOU!!!!!

Let'z face it Sex iznt everything You can't make it Good izn't the feeling I'm screaming NAO to it Desire iznt the emotion I'm expressing When my bodyz stiff the whole time through it Your dickless manner iz the issue i'm addressing Get on with it I don't want to feel it I don't want to go through with it I don't want to b the one to get used for it Used me Only to run away with my virginity

Chorus

So damned scared Go on and face it Sexuality impaired I'm going to rid you of it Nothing shared No longer going to have it Filthy eyez at me stared Slice them out with fingernailz that split High heelz running over your face So damned scarred Hunting lady on the chase And your teeth are wired Completely shut with nao room for space I grew tired Of listening to your useless nonsense So fawking insufferable So fucking infuriating Nao more hurting femalez You're going Going down to pay to a mistress That'z right kinky bondage business Only nao pussy for sale Eat it and then exhale I'm not your babe I'm not your vixen I'm not yourz to rape And I'm not yourz for slobber to b mixed in!

Punk in Disguise

Let'z see it in all in one showcase stream

Storm out of the house in your gasoline jeanz

He doezn't see

Never did see

The hurt locked inside

Too wrapped up around hiz own little finger

Don't need you in my life

I can do just fine

Walking around az a stranger

I have for three consecutive yearz

I only grow stronger

When I seclude myself from the assholez like you

Wanting, lusting, desiring

Never felt any wronger

Until the day I met you

Then I grew smarter

Learned how to not want you

And here I stay

But don't you dare dismiss me

Don't you dare turn your bak on me

Before I have ample time to say bite me

Because if you look past the goth

If you look past the misery

You'll learn to see another side

Punky Brewster

You don't understand?

Well you can't say I didn't try

You're just too pigheaded to listen

And I'm not going to upset myself with your presence

Left here to drown

Left here because you don't know

You don't want to know

So I'll go on being gothy of pathetic whoreville

Because you won't give me a chance to show

You every fawking punky cheerful charecter I could reveal

Fetal Interruption

Iz it yourz? Iz it yourz? Yes it iz Of course Of course it iz Iz it your fault All my fault Sorry can't talk Too worried to sleep Let alone sit down and eat Don't look at me With that glint in your eye I waz stupid, stupid little me I know I behaved stupidly Can't change the past Can't stop the future Shouldn't have listened to the ass We both know I knew to think smarter

Stupid iz the only word that now can describe me Shut you're fawking mouth you already had me crying Way before you put in your two centz And let me tell you Thiz iznt any easier on you than it iz me Don't want you To start yelling at me Telling me How I could have done thiz thiz and thiz Should have thought of thiz In the first place But I believed your stupid dong ass face Listened to liez when I should have twisted away Why I screwed you I'll never know to thiz day So fawking scared that inside of me I carry your baby You don't know And you certainly wouldn't care I'm not going to let you know Because I know how men react and you'd just call me a liar

Pouring my heart Over an open fire Losing my confidence at thiz part Working third shit i've grown miserably tired You still don't know I still don't know It'z all my problem Because I didn't beg you to wear a condom Don't you dare fawking worry It'z all going to weigh on me Not you ever I'm the one with a fetus in her stomach to deliver You go on and sit back nice and pretty Don't you dare lift one fawking finger Because I don't want to make myself bleed Just to have you kiss up to me with fake pity

Chorus

I can't handle thiz You told me mythz Just to get me into bed And now I'm wobbling out of my mind With fawking confusion With so much fawking pain Hazy letz just call me a whore in conclusion She brought thiz on herself iz what youll say Because shez a tramp who will do anything for attention Little do you know Little do you want to know That you are the one who did thiz The one who made me your mistress And I don't want thiz Please don't tell me thiz Please don't say Im pregnant Because I don't think I'll b able to live with it

Chorus

Kill me Iz the one wish I live with internally Can I make it? Nao way in hell Can I end it? I'll burn in hell For taking to lifez But should I Because you and I Both know I waz never your wife Everyone Wantz to believe unmarital sex Iz so much fawking fun It only leadz you to being in a mess Don't try it Just please fawking listen Don't do it You don't really want it That fawking bad And if you do That'z just fawking sad Give it two fawking monthz Wait just for once And don't fawking make The same mistake twice Or you'll find yourself confronted with not knowing what to do Az you take someone elsez life Thanx for knowing me Thanx for pushing me All the way down To my final destruction Won't live to have thiz fetal interruption

Male Hazard

You think you're so cute You think you're so funny I want to put a muzzle on you When you call my girlfriend my bed buddie You think with your dick so what are we to you A person to sleep with iz what you want to make it simply Maybe it'z that easy to you But my standardz aren't that sloppy You're so narrow minded Do you know that? Quick good time iz the only thing you'd reccomend Love meanz nothing to you iznt it that? Don't try and make yourself sound all good now I can see through that You lying son of a bitch don't give it to me now Or ever Walk on past and slip on to the corner

Another whore caught your eye And you want to push down her fly Just to stare at her pussy Coz the lipz on that cunt Iz all that makez your mouth water And you've never felt what It feelz like when nothingz what you've called her You should learn to keep your mouth shut When you don't know a fawking thing of what I feel about her You want to push her off az my mattress slut You hurt her But you more hurt me When you had to talk about her And my relationship meaning nothing When you don't know me Not any longer you male hormonal dog slut You just Can't seem to keep quiet And I want to neuter your tiny dick and throw it to the monkeyz You think you've got it all but conformity iz something you've never defied

You own up to the word biggot You want to play on the scene of gothic You'll never own up to it Never own up to our feelingz Of hurting Of misery Of pain You drain us All into hypocrisy Because you're a lying bastard And a male hazard

Chorus

I want to watch you drop Off the face of the earth I want to make you stop Referring To us femalez az piecez of your acting propz We don't belong To you master slut who haz a dick that can't make a cherry go pop Fuck you I stuck to you Like a sickle anemia cell doez to a flu Only looking for a fawking good time Looking for a way for your dick to unwind He doezn't love you Not like you want him to And I know itz true Happened to me like itz going to happen to you Believe he'z telling the truth Until you find yourself trapped into A sex driven boo boo And the dollz become voo doo And you're nothing but a serpent And he'll make you into a servant To b stepped on

Chorus

You have her wrapped around your little finger It'z all happening again Thought the nightmare waz over I won't listen Blown your cover And I'm not a piece of paper to fold and bend It'z gone Thiz time it'z all gone Sucked her all the way in Because she waz blinded by your passion Passion for using Women az toyz and Ive alwayz nown what a little boy Deep down you really are Hide it from the unperceptive eye You don't know who you really are You change the word you into I Because you only worry about yourself And feeding time off of some whorez breastz Can't wait for your death to b dealt You're trying to steal my language You're trying to steal my nation I won't give either up Don't ask me to sell it Because inner beautyz not for sell And az for you bastard go to hell

Disassembly

I want to cut myself in twelve different placez I've slept with so many different vulgar facez It'z all the same When it comez down to it Little mousey brought to you on a tray Trap it Have her tail in your grip Cruelty You can't live without it Obscurity You're nailed to it Purgatory You drown me in it

Little miss sex puppet Don't ask for it I'm not here to give it Up for free You think you want me You only want to use me Don't lie to me Don't talk to me When you don't want to give anything in return Don't hate me just coz I'm not what you've been looking for

Love iz only temporary So why should I waste my energy On something that iznt going to last Cigarette tainted smile Looking at me in the rearview mirror of a cadillac Look out to see you lying On top of the blond in the bak seat That'z all it ever waz to you a game of fucking A trial of using A pursuit of hurting But I no longer am going To sit bak and watch Silver dagger like clawz Approach me with caution Because your camillion like tongue in a box would b a nice commission

Chorus

And you thought you'd have it all Without ever paying I don't want you at all And I'm not playing Want to make you fall Into the lionz den Wanna watch them knaw Off your handz and cheezy sex itemz You never saw Little myss Armitage coming What'z the matter won't it stop? I see your tail curl in between your legz az youre running

Chorus

The first time I looked at you I thought you could b different That you Would make me different But you Only lied and played me into Thinking that you Were a real person I hate you For pretending to have become Something that you never were Thatz right mister Sorryz not the answer I've heard that word too many fawking timez from your lipz And I don't want it It'z just an excuse Just like every other sentence Every part of speech you abuse And I want death to b your sentence To get rid of the type of residence You prosecute The innocent You're the criminal with a whore who haz saggin boobz Standing next to you Turn yourself in TURN YOURSELF IN You mother fawking Soul stealer Who usez pussy juice For paint primer You've got five minutez left on your timer Before I'll disassemble you

Better

You all think you're so much fawking better than me

Wanna rip your headz off

Laugh at you just like you laugh at me

Rip you apart for the little doll

Plastic figurine you are

Women are from Venus

Men are from marz

But I'm a beasty

With saber teeth and sharpened clawz

So what doez that make me?

A pseudo cross?

An alien?

Don't open your mouth I don't want to hear you talk

The answerz to my questionz are the wordz you don't know to say

You won't b truthful becoz you're afraid

Afraid of my razor sharp clawz

That will indeed slice you into minced meat

Turn your head Turn your bak

I'll get you when you're least expecting me

I'll earn new dignity

And destroy you when you're not looking

All thiz becoz you couldn't say a simple thank you

All thiz becoz of you

Crucified me at the stake

But like a snake

With itz head chopped

I didn't die when your flame coughed

Away my skin

Soul stayed within

Palace of Illusion

Turned me into your sympathy toy Because your own sanity you could nao longer destroy Display me Come on stop lying to me You don't need me And I'm starting to matter so little to you And I can see it too So nao need for wordz Not when the silentest dissonance of air can b heard Breathe me in Inhale me in Only to spit me out Only to exhale me out Because you wanna use the term love But you don't know what you're talking about

Spaced out Rubbed out Amythyst eyed kitten You don't listen To any of the chords my warm pink tongue are shaping You're ignoring Every single vibe i'm sending And I'm the one who'z feelingz you're stepping All over Your feet are trampling me And all you're hearing Are her moanz and complaintz that suck you in like water

Pass her around Like a second hand shoe Throw her around Az if shez made from paper and glue Dance around All her criez Break her down Until you can staple her to the inside Of your vinyl briefcase You never want to see her face Again Because it'z a reminder Of the lack of freedom That you own And where were we again?

Chorus

Label me az crazy When you don't even know one single thing about me Sit with me And act az if you own a shred of sympathy Make believe What a lovely story Key word iz story Because you're only Lying to me Like the coward she Made you into Lie some more won't you? Bak to the subject That makez you feel good You won't admit I'm right so again we'll change the subject Tired of having to submit to what only makez you feel good

Chorus

You make me wonder If I'd b better Separate from a box full of maggotz The kind your biggot Of a wife who devourz wormz like the little piglet She iz You countered yourself into a dominant relationship You know you like it Bad little boiy You want that sickening ass spanked Sad little boiy I'm coming for your gingerbread whore whoz only half baked Wanna know the irony That I once believed? That you were going to end your misplaced status of tyranny But then again I guess myself Waz the only one I waz kidding Because you can't bring yourself to turn away from yourself And I the raven am the only one you're excluding From your perfect palace of illusion

Crumbling

You're going to get it You know you're going to get it You almost have it Right under your fingernailz Don't look at me with those eyez of denial You've told me those linez So many timez That your mouth of prudence iz going out of style Numberz are what my fingerz dial Disappeararing air iz the only thing on the other end of the wire You can't hear my heart beat You can't see how I'm losing every ounce of me You aren't listening You aren't hearing Anything I'm saying

I'm a screaming banshee But you can't even hear me I'm a performing gypsy Your eyez won't even look at me Sick of it Boil all the irridescence down to honesty You can't begin to understand it That'z what they constantly tell me Totally selfish She suckz air aimlessly like a blowfish She'll not tell you she'z diseased until you catch it The saddest part iz love... I can nao longer feel it

I've pushed it all bak Emotion after emotion Stack of labelz after stack Relieving the tension Your face iz still the object I want to smack You won't feel it the rage iz something to great to mention I live on with the embarrasment Of feeling a feminine mystique In a society of men who believe in slave treatment Eighteen iz the age limit of a mahnz sexual peak But you all still think you're such fawking Gawdz If the sleaziest of men iz Prince Charming Then bring on the frogz

Chorus

Sucking in my cheekz I haven't thought of anything else but you for weekz Threw me out on your porch When I spoke the vow of commitment Couldn't face the tragedy of calling only one person yourz Your love waz more of a punishment Really it waz never a gift So why waz I the one for you to give It to When I really meant absolutely nothing to you And your honey turned to ashez When I said I love you And your breath turned to frostbite when I asked What do I mean to you?

Chorus

I want to have it all out in the open Mouth dropping Surprised to hear me so vocal Because now I'm the one doing all the defrosting? You never treated me like an equal You're so perverted that it'z disgusting And you're the one to call my refreshing nature fickle You don't know the meaning Of calling me anything az frigid When you're colder than a popcicle And you think you've got it all You're so demented Don't want to see you at all Don't want to ever think about you again Why should I listen To anything you have to say? Where do I begin And where do I end? I know I end thiz right here So please don't say another word mister I can't bear the constant reminder That I waz stupid enough To let myself Date such An asshole that only let my soul crumble

bak
Yes i realized I havent made an entry in agez ive been doing soooooo much and then i honestly havent felt like writing about my pathetic life but ive come bak to writing in thiz thing coz im mega losing my memory so ill like uhm tell you about the guy i met like a couple weekz ago hiz namez Jason he goz to EKU the college here hez 21 haz blond hair blue eyez 5'11 155 poundz uhm iz mega into anime iz an awesome artist lovez dnd and made up thiz character named Polinisis shez an android from the Azidinez i think shez mega awesome looking I wish I could post her picture here for everyone to see coz shez mega awesome I put the picture az my desktop ;p eih the story behind Polinisis iz shez an android called an Aven who waz made to protect and fight for the Azidinez so shez a warrior but yet made up of flesh blood and mechanicalz ;p letz see she waz guarding the Azidinez until thiz dude came down and like defeated the Azidinez and basically all of the Azidinez died out coz of the battle causing the Ice Age and then the Avenz wander around the earth aimlessly and bump into each other and all bond together and find a place they make home and stay there for many yearz and then humanz come to the race of the world yet the Avenz dont know about the humanz and the humanz dont know about the Avenz. . .yet and the Avenz had at the very beginning of their making been asleep and didnt have a mind at all but then they slowly became awake az they found one another and grew a mind of free will yet they were still compelled to guard and serve and do it until they usually became bored and wandered to goof off and stuff. . .so Polinis comez upon a party of men who are facing a dragon yet cant beat it and Polinis can becoz shez mega strong and powerful kk he haz a dog thatz like part Boxer and part hound whoz named Tyger. letz see he lovez anime i remember him and me talking about namez and he likez the name Libra lmfao that reminded me of mah Jilly bean ;p and I told him my favorite namez of Rayna and Iris he thought I had mega great taste LOL he lovez Tenchi and he lovez the comic Lenore one day Im going to steal hiz comix ;p he doeznt mind that Im on drugZ lol he lovez porn uhm letz see he told me about thiz weird DNA thing where they can change your DNA and geneticz course Sherry my oldest sister told me bout thiz too when we went to the gynocologist. . .but yah they can take your DNA and cute like anything just using your own DNA i thought that waz pretty fawking kewl since they could fix my eye disease ;p letz see he told me about ethernet not really sure about it but eih ah wellz. . .we talked about how the government blowz ass and how I need "Thatz my Bush" bak on the air lol he watchez cartoon netwerk he just seemz mega kewl lol mega into gamez specially DnD and FF okayz and don't get the impression of me wanting him coz i don't know him well nuff to sexually want him or anything i just think hez mega awesome to have az a friend since i dont know too many kewl ppl around here course then hez from Louisville and not Richmond so that could explain why hez not a total asshole lol. . .ah wellz hmmm i love and seriously need to play thiz drinking game taschaZ told me about soundz soooo fawking awesome and easy to get drunk with ;p i'll have to post it sometime gawd i had the most sickest conversation with thiz dude I know named Jeff he livez in Illinois and he waz getting off at the way ive been spanked and then verbally humiliated by Melissa and embarrassed and shit that waz just FAWKING sick!!! i mean jeez!!! if you want that shit GO CALL A FAWKING PHONESEX LINE!!! thank gawd hez going to Jersey and wont b around to fawk with me for a few dayz im too fawking nice!! eih I found out a few dayz ago that I waz on fluxotine my gynocologist gave it to me for mood swingZ lmfao ahhh wellz itz what i wanted so im fawking happy!! lol thatll b until next Monday. . .hmm I really miss Melissa right now i havent heard from her in a while Im kinda worried about her ya know? specially since mister mahn the freak didnt ever pay the phone bill so they lost their phone linez and she like usez a cellphone for email and shit i have nao idea where shez at or whatz goin on since she NEVER tellz me anything any more when i email her so itz kinda useless ya know?. . .mmm I finally got my Dance Dance Revolution to werk gawd ive been going at that like crazy ive gotten a lot better since I used to play with Melissa tho ;p proud of that. . .hmmm other than that i dunno im pretty tired so im a go

laterZ

Glacial

Meet me at the top of the tower Oopz forgot and locked you in the bomb shelter Shouldn't have listened to the cry of a siren you stupid sucker You want to use me don't you mother fucker Izn't that too bad find another Little bitch to bother I'm not going to listen to your whiny ass bitch and hollar I want you to tell her You love her Then tell the other Which iz me of course That you hate her Took her by the style of force You hurt her Do you know that? Of course not Nao you definitely know that But you don't give a flying damn coz I never made you hott

Hurt me some more Because pain to you doezn't matter Can't form a circle you only form squarez Do you see a pattern? Nao true individuality You're so fawking hypocritical You were only talking to me for the egotistical Sense of security Colder than a popcicle And you're posing az a male of the twenty first century Who actually holdz chivalry Along with class Oh please don't make me laugh Under that veneer We both know liez nothing but an unwashed donkeyz ass Nao better than the monkeyz hairy bak I'd sooner sleep with a demon To have you tarnish my feminine partz with your pussed discharged semen

Wanna write it off on the term feminist You have one word for me-frigid You didn't care when I said I loved you I meant it Out with the old in with the new Why stop when they all want to fawk you? Sex iz all itz ever been for you Buffet of stripperz Bulging muscle at the edge of your zipper Just thinking about titz Gawd your kind seriously makez me sick Are you still lying Are you still trying To pretend your low standardz are satisfying?

Chorus

Couldn't want me Because I wazn't close enough for you to touch me Couldn't need me Because I wazn't that easy Couldn't love me Because what iz love at twenty? Couldn't tolerate me Because I wanted more than just having you pull down my pantiez Couldn't stand me Because I could stand on my own two feet That'z right you stupid dickweed I never needed you to live Don't you dare look at me Don't you even try and make me give in The world iz full of men like you I can do better than you The world iz full of prickz like you Do you actually believe I need you?

Chorus

So fucking blind I became a flamingo For fifteen dayz I lost my mind Digging myself out barely Made it out entirely too slow Think I won't walk out that door? just dare me! I don't need thiz tremendous fawking lie NAO NAO NAO You made me feel so small and so tiny You made me feel like I wanted to die Waz I stupid Very Waz I crazy? Very I've come to learn you're not worthy And for the poor femalez who want you I can only stare at them shamefully

Menace

I wanna feel loved

But you won't love me

I wanna b beautiful

I can starve myself to death just maybe

Forget me

Forget you

Fuck you

For hurting me

Loved you

But you turned me away

You could care less about me

Don't deny it

Don't fight it

We both know you can't hide it

Run away from me

Run away from yourself

Run away trying iz too risky

Run away from love itself

Don't look bak

I don't want your eyez to strain

Go away and don't ever come bak

You don't know real pain

You've never been left behind

You've been taken a chance on

I still have closure to find

Don't ever compare yourself to me

You're comparing oil and vinegar

Don't try and act so pititul and empty

You don't have the right to b so fawking cynical

You still have your innocenece

And I'm losing my heart and mind for a one mahn menace

Failure

Let'z make out Nao you're telling me nao? Then let'z cross that out Locked at the hip To some unknown bitch A little whore that'z got you whipped And you want it But we both know you won't say it Too afraid of it Too afraid of leaving Too afraid of what you're saying Too used to comfort to b unfaithful I see your pawz wanting to cross over the table And I don't want a committment I just want you to want it

I've seen the way you look at me Don't deny it You won't give it to me Can't let me have it And you want my company Until she tellz you to forget it Fire consuming me with jealousy And I can't live with it Because I want you for me Don't want to share it Devote yourself to me fully Begging and begging But you won't listen to me Rescheduling and rescheduling Because she needz you more than me Failing and failing Your excusez don't make it up for me

Suck it all into your face Little miss suicidal tendency She'z so damned easy to replace Blinded by subservience Meet me on the terrace Embracez aren't the common courtesy we exchange Don't let me b your dinner interference New found dilemma Feeling sorry for yourself so you complain Bathing in water sour enough it turnz crimson Falling in love and you can't escape Left you once but it never again waz the same You didn't notice until it waz too late And you didn't care I'll never let you take me bak there

Chorus

Let'z just forget it I nao longer care about it I've come to deal with it I can feel it She'z going to leave you When the time iz right Nothing you can do Meet me at the bar tonight I;m losing all of my feelingz Emotion stuck to the ceiling The sky iz falling Vertigo smacking The wordz are stuck to the roof of my mouth The letterz just can't come out For you to know My voice diez with the velocity the wind blowz

Chorus

Take me home Not to your room Not to your window Rushed into An unwanted matrimony And I want you When you barely know me I'm lost and crying No one seez the tearz streaming Perhapz I should stop trying Stop the ridiculous dreaming That you're the one coming That you're the one bringing Me bak to my heart Stupid and silly Are all wordz that describe me Losing myself completely To an affection that endz with no token To a love that will never become spoken And iz thiz the reason The reason I repulse men? Fuck every relation I deserve more than your second hand revolution

Fickle

I don't believe in male socialization Your hand moving closer sendz me into hyperventilation Cross legged position Strapped down bondage No more sex solitary confinement You used me and now I feel ashamed I no longer hold the patience For playing the victim of your withdraw Confusion being my three dimensional observation Rogue sentenced to isolation Throw me away Come on baby Push me away Push me all the way into Friday

Personal selection I don't belong to the premium blend One more whore'z heart to add to the collection Doez thiz boredom and curiosity ever end? Off with my head Cut it off It waz simple you couldn't love me becoz I waz a goth Your head turned But your eyez didnt budge Kissed your lipz but poison waz the solution returned Too scarred to touch Skin made out of cloth Poor little dolly Poor little me You say you love me You just can't prove it to me I want you to b honest But honesty to you iz unjust

Left out in the cold Sucking on my throat Princess toadstool filled with fungus You speak in too many different tonguez You never let me know Little kitty so damned spoiled Sliced and crinkled Confounded with men entirely too fickle I liked it much better when thingz were simple Love waz nao object I waznt made into an object Outlined without respect Blond hair crimson fingernailz and big breastz haz become your latest prospect My body holdz too many imperfectionz To become your wife I'd need an operation Visitorz coming for seclusion Eveningz the drought we've fallen into

Chorus

You're the one who wronged me You're the one who double crossed me You thought it would b so easy Thought you could take me down without complicationz Don't tell me I'm crazy Because I know Don't think I don't know I've heard the truth in every fake conversation What'z there to say when you have nothing to say No one listenz any way So why talk Why try to love When you're nothing like I thought And affection what'z affection? Every male'z just another sex addiction

Chorus

Liar Liar You're filthy face iz on trial Liar Liar You're sorry ass iz still in denial Crush her Crush her Don't let her up Fuck her Fuck her Didn't give me enough Rush her Rush her Into only what you want Cut her Cut her Slice me until my skinz gone Smother her Smother her Suffocate out all the air Shelter her Shelter her Make sure her eyez are closed in despair Melt her Melt her Heart away TELL HER TELL HER TELL ME ABOUT HER before I make my next mistake Of loving you and adorning your pain

Not There

Starving myself on the phone

You don't see me

I'm cute that'z all he knowz

Don't know me

Pick up the receiver just to say hello

Talk to me

Of course you won't

I'm tired of me

But you aren't

Should it matter to me?

Can't pay the rent

Can't find acceptance

All that'z left iz the piece of me to pretend

Pretend I am something

Try some more darling

Because we're all losing

Losing me

To the death of eternity

Not that you care

New earned pity

Just don't care

Let me b all the way empty

Stop lying for something thatz not there

Weeping

Weeping girl Weeping girl Made her cry her eyez out coz she wanted to make her disappear Crying girl Crying girl Crying shame because you dont want her You forced her Into a life filled with misery And you don't care about her Because you're too damned worried About making your own self happy To ever disconcern yourself the luxury To embrace her pain Won't kiss her lipz that are tear stained

Stare at her tear streaked cheekz Because you know your insipid manifesto did it to me Don't eat for weekz All you care about iz your precious carpet Soul on paroll to the grim reaper I could have let him have it Treat me like an invalid Because you couldn't pay for it And money iz everything so letz not just think on it Letz do something To b rid of her Don't call me darling Because you don't want her And I want to watch you suffer Just az much az I have Because of how fawked you are And you don't want to admit it But we both know you're awful and how long you've been it Maybe you love it I can't live with it

Stepped bak from it But you couldn't let go Standing there with it Hand in and teeth dangling out No more putting the angelz down Don't make a sound Or you may anger the hungry beast That you bow down Before to endure your supper of flamez I won't b az stupid to say that name I'd call him your lord You hurt me more Than he ever could He did it without trying Bitch die and go on frying

Chorus

Hate me Kick me Penetrate me Can't escape me No more of thiz story I'm breaking From all your misrepresentation I've done enough sneaking Don't avoid the situation Stop throwing me into the vortex Stop pushing me around trying to make me follow your whoring tradition Wiggled me into dehydration Sympathy lacking condition And you don't know how to love the disabled Without kicking them into unstable

Chorus

Broken with dysfunction Dreaming of junxtaposition We both know it can't happen And I'm better off leaving Before thiz hypocrisy getz even more diseasing And I'm an ant with poison for your handz to b treating Nurse me bak to health You don't know whatz being dealt Almost finished Taking down my heart and malnourishment You don't love me Don't pretend to want me Because I know whatz lying behind those eyez It comez bak every time Killing me deep down inside I don't want you I can't let you Sink in any further You've already hurt her Pushing her into genocide And much more of thiz spoon of medicine and I'm going to die You want to know why You choked me on amphetaminez And stole away all of her dreamz

Scratching at all of your fleaz I'm losing all my energy The doorz of claustrophobia are closing And hellz are opening You pushed me into it Don't lie and say you didnt

Canned Love

I don't want you coming near I don't want your white rabbit from your hat to appear I want you to walk awy before I call the copz And don't pull out your cock Coz I dont want to see it I don't want to touch it And don't use thiz az a confrontal Because I've alwayz been thiz hateful You've just never seen me az anything besidez beautiful Because you're soo damned stupid And when you couldn't tell me apart from the next girl that proved it Don't want her to ruin it

Little miss water workz Granite filling my eyez with quartz Dragged me to court For being only nineteen Throwing away all my dreamz On some guy I'll more than likely never see And you don't love me You fawking bitter hag filled with mutiny I want someone to screw me But itz got to feel more than cringe worthy Do you understand me You aren't going to bucket coinz off of me And you make me Want to scream Outside of the streetz And you think I'm the perfect angel to meet If you only knew me For who I really am How much I hate puppy Love in a can

I see you're trying to push us together Do you know understand her better? Did you not understand the letterz Coming out of her Grape flavored lipz The one who refused your kiss And you want to lick All the crimson lipstick off I've got a job To do so stay out of my way Big girl now no time for daddy'z play And you tried selling me for money Tried getting rid of me To make yourself happy

Chorus

Can't peel your eyez off her Two hundred dollarz for starterz If you don't take your eyez off me You're going to feel my heelz scraping off your face Don't tell me I'm pretty I don't want to hear it from you Don't tell me I'm perfect Because we both know itz not true What are you trying to prove Coz i've got it all on tape Want thiz too damned late Makeshift bride Shoplift a ride Don't come to my side Or I'll shoot you out along with the black lightz

Chorus

Die on the bottom of my shoe Can't face you Becase you Scare the hell out of me And I can't take thiz residue Turning me empty Turning me into something i'll never b These wordz are long overdue Get the hell out Stay the fawk gone Don't call me Don't write me Lay down and die I want to see you down mister pushy Mister clingy Sling shot in the forehead when you made me angry And I don't love you I never did I only made out with you To get what I did Don't you know I guess itz time for you to receive the violet blow

finally caught up
finally caught up today started out extremely shitty got up and had to get dressed in five minutez or my mom waz going to go town without me and she got all bitchy coz i wanted to go to get something and i never do anything gawd im so sick of her fawking attitude and so i waz in extreme pain from those bc pillz making me sick eih so we leave and like she startz bitching at me coz i waz moaning in pain telling me to shut up and then how stupid i waz how i waz nearly nineteen and hadnt done anything eih then like she just wouldnt quit and shut up so i started crying and she just got even more bitchy and furious with me and how all i ever did waz want and then just totally snap my head off being a total evil bitch and then i just had to bite my lip az hard fawking az i could to make sure i didnt cry and i sat in silence for like twenty minutez until she finally acted normal and shit and like then she asked me all trying to b nice what it waz i wanted to get coz i wanted to get everything before i leave on wedz for melz and im like you know ear ringz and i wouldnt need them if she waznt alwayz disrespecting my feelingz and giving my thingz to other ppl and like she just makez sooooooo fawking mad and then i came home still sick for a pretty long fawking time got online talked to mel talked to ron now talking to joykinZ and taschaZ she told me about a kewl song to get eih taschaZ rulez Wednesday she told me she got a callin card and should call me more often eih anyayz then so we got my stuff and went home and then she started yelling at me over shit i did and just alwayz yelling at me and then like later on that evening she had to take my sister becky to practice didnt say one bad word about it when they came home they had one of her friendz who waz spending the nite pizza and moviez yet im the ONE who ALWAYZ wantz shit she makez me sooo fawking angry if i could i would just disappear and make myself invisible i hate myself soooo fawking much anymore eih MTV2 waz awesome tonite saw NiN'z video for March of Pigz saw a PiXiEz video saw a TON of videoz by Nirvana gawd Kurt Cobain waz so fawking mega hott whyd he have to go die like he did? eih Courtney Love waz one lucky ass bitch to have him in her bed eih saw the video for Fell in love with a girl by the white stripez eih great Melz mom told my stalker i waz coming up there i gotta do everything in my power to make it look like someone else iz my bf lmfao ohhh yah my stalker waz bitching about how i said i'd fawk Josh Hartnett, Leo and Ryan Phillippe any day lmfao can ya believe it hez pissed coz i fantasize over famous ppl eih Ron said he waz leaving for a while tonite coz he needed to think some shit out eih im gonna miss him but i understand eih i guess thiz iz it

laterZ

four
April fourth woke up becoz of certain bratz waking me up at nine in the morning to ask if i wanted to go with my dad i said of course not since it waz five til ten got up and watched passionz and dayz of our livez went and slept for four more hourz had another awful intense dream of having thiz huge ass fight with my mom and just going off on her got up and talked to Ron for a while he waz saying i waz perfect ha ha ha uhm talked to Mel some last nite she haz gir and zim plushiez now lucky melissa doo heih heih thatz about it shrugZ ohhh yah started takin my bc pillz again and gettin pretty sick that blowz ohhh yah im also avoiding my stalker i kinda bitched at him trying to get rid of him

three
April third Dixie finally had her baby today our horse itz a tan and white spotted Appaloosa horse my momz going to call it Priss eih i had the most bizarrest dream today i dreamt that thiz lil girl went thru thiz door to the portal of hell and got out but then accidentally reenterz and the devilz trying to get her and she runz from him and then like i see her go into thiz jungle and stay there for a while and then like the devil just keepz bringing more soulz to hell in a trivial pursuit of love and they all believe it and then like me my brother my sisterz my ex bf will and some other ppl are all on thiz skewl bus with thiz gay ass anal lil cop watching us for the devil to take us there and were all trying to get away and we meet up with the little girl and we start fighting the devil and in order to conquer her she haz to read twenty pagez of a stephen king book and then at the end the devil kissez me on the mouth eih i told Ron i loved him today eih figured itd freak him out but eih he thought it waz pretty kewl and it made him feel better that kinda iz weird lol shrugZ ohhh wellz i packed what im taking to Melz tonite ;p

the ohhh yahz
okayz the thing ohhh yah thingz i forgot Monday thiz guy Adam I know i met on bolt a loooong time ago came bak im not putting hiz bolt name on here or a suspicious dong ass might go fawk with him and that would blow ass for him i started talking to tascha again that nite thiz waz the first uhm ive been getting a lot closer to thiz guy i met like a little over a month ago named Ron think i may b falling in love with him dont know what iz love tho prolly looking for too much i wanna tell him but then i figure maybe he already knowz i prolly make it obvious since i feel transparent eih i dunno only time can tell eih we have to get up to Huntington on the tenth when i leave pretty early since the travel agent couldnt do the refund of the money and my ticketz are going to b 77 dollarz pretty damned cheap eih? i kinda wish i werent going tho coz i know my stalkerz gonna b followin me

Glory

Flat tire Broken space You want to chat when I'm tired Of looking at your face Folgerz taste Wake up my good kissez gone to waste For a tongue that can't slide itself into place Don't wake me up Don't take me up To the projectz Where you want to show me your latest experiment A clone with my ass built in

Try and push me into the armz of a red neck I've already got one crusade left to save my neck Before he catchez it Between hiz pencil thin lipz Trying to mark it Mop it All up with mop and glow Face it PiXy doezn't want it Now take those pathetic tearz of yourz and go You knew you alwayz knew That me and you Just couldn't stay perfect Too different Unmutual sarcasm Iznt going to work When you want it By the way don't call my male friendz jerkz

Cry baby Cry boiy You're not getting to me Never will get angry By a few stupid letterz That you wanted to turn into a relationship Uncle Fester Now all I can think of iz murder And thinking about you iz not making me any wetter It'z turning me off Thinking about you and your no seater Stay off of me thiz iznt make out city at the theatre Sofa city iz where you'll lay your keister Not in my bed mister Don't get any ideaz If you do you're only heading for your natural disaster Don't want to meet your new character Because you don't understand me And I dont want you to dig that deep inwardly I'd b better off with you leaving me

Chorus

Thiz iz Why I want it finished Not the book Because I can tell you all she wrote I want to see you leave iz that understood? Thiz sign now sayz closed I'm going to show you my new pretense Of ice vanilla and incense Rain turning us into The bewitching hour of pretend What iz to you To me only the way to begin The spell to get rid of you Let the night live long I can tell itz going to take a long time for you to finally b gone See me now Az a maiden made out of iron And you won't want to lock lipz With me with her The one they call sorceress Know me az Imp the one whoz grown sexless To become thiz emotionless And I no longer show you pity I now divide men bak into little boiyz And you're going to run or know death az Glory

Settle

Why do you have to know my decorum I'm not for thiz I wore it All to bed And woke up with bedhead Whatz on my body iz none of your business Buzz off For thiz I want to kill them Stop trying to get it off Itz not coming off Die won't you plesae? Because you're annoying me

Leave it alone You can't help it or won't? Sick of being lonely But not that desperately And I'm fine seperately From the section Designated to humahnz Forget humahn I'm going vampiress Can't satisfy them Can't get with t hem Keep looking at me like I'm tainted That'z the best procedure I've ever wanted Thought I waz going to b in danger Fawk her You love someone else instead I'm sick of having these gamez played mind control NO NO NO Itz time I let you go Bak to loving The ugly fuckling

I hate you Do you hear those three little slithering wordz? kill you? What the fuck for? You're the one who fucked me over Not the other Way around my dear Don't shed your tearz Coz your sorry now You could have said something long ago Why now? Why the hell feel guilty now? Don't you dare get mad at me because Im the one who did nothing At all wrong

Chorus

You don't eat lettuce Fucking cow Picke juice Straining down Your blotted out lipz And I want to hear none of thiz Coz all you did Waz lie To me an innocent bystanding victim Pretended to b my friend For god knowz how long I'm sick of playing thiz endless shit You're the one who ruined it By loving her and not me So don't look at me With eyez all teary

Chorus

Don't worry I'm leaving for New York city You'll all b sorry When I've unleashed my fury Not only on to thiz piece of paper You're the one who craved her Not me You only lied to me Lied about loving me And then cry when I confront your cruelty You can't make me feel guilty Fuck nao Not thiz time You gawd forsaken ho You know what? Take her all you want Coz I dont need you I dont need anyone Because I have God To make it all by my lonesome And I'm confident In my wayz I could have the demonz I could have satan I could have anything I want I don't need any mahn or womahn To reach the power of a nation I just have to bow down to one condition Of either lord And I'm not looking forward To giving up I won't I can't Because I'm no HUMANZ Got that? Am I an angel? Am I demon Guess you'll never know that I belong to no one And nothing So have fun With all your lying You'll never have me again I have what it takez To reach the top with confident grace

two
eih the second of thiz month Sherry came over and my mom dragged me out to go get some paperz from the dude whoz helping with our reapplication of my disability that waz a letter of a doctor so i could get an extra fifteen percent off of my train ticketz and then to go talk to some travel agent which she stupidly forgot to write down the address so we could never find it and then it waz alll ohhh wellz youre wasting my time and i want to b at home so i can visit with sherry the important daughter blah blah blah and then like itz like i dont even wanna b here what the fawk are you going on with? and itz just like mahhhn shez such a fawking bitch who makez me soooo mad and then we went home let her visit with one of her perfect children and wait for her stupid ass horse which she only carez about to have itz damned baby eih i think i kinda upset Ron by telling him that i waznt coming bak eih like ne needz me around hed b fine without me hell anyone would b im NOT that great i honestly hate myself

the first
eih my mother hatez me woke up awnting to go to the store to see about the easter shit and see if maybe they had some sweet tartz on sale she got all bitchy az she alwayz doez for me wanting to go eih ended up going anyayz when we got home i had a slip for a package in the mailbox so later on that afternoon we went down and got it of course it waz from my stalker they spent 22 dollarz just to send that thing to me for Easter can we say obsessed? they sent me like three stuffed animalz some digimon figurine Melz getting and then later on when I wnt to take thiz adorable hello kitty thing out of the box i found three pairz of PANTIEZ that scared the fawk out of me eih the letter they wrote scared the shit out of me too they sent me some cheap phone card that when i went to peel the thing off the numberz came off gawd hez creepy eih ten more dayz til melz ;p ohhh yah my mom found out about my secret today ;/

thirty and thirty one
the weekend just kind of flew by and i felt really weird and unloved i finally got my mom to pay for my ticketz wellz we havent yet coz of thingz but theyll get paid for eih i saw tascha online all weekend but didnt really talk to her coz i waznt all together and felt really strange it made me feel extremely estranged i love tascha to death i just didnt feel like hardly talking to anyone eih i had my stalker CONSTANTLY emailing me all weekend eih i had strange dreamz i remember for a couple of nitez dreaming about telling someone about the demon that kept chasing me and then one nite i had thiz dream where i waz telling my half brother Brandon where when he waz like nine hed tell me about how hed dream of demonz getting him and so like i asked him what he would do sine hez had it happen before and he waz holding my book Pandora and he waz like I'm not really sure and then like in the corner appeared thiz dark shadowy figure saying Ill tell you what to do Heather and then it started chasing me trying to get me really freaky eih i remember it waz like sunday nite and I waz talking to Trev i waz sooo out of it i thought he waz thiz other dude named Grant and i kept going on about a monkey wanting him lmfao i waz high or something ohhh mahn weird ass shit

Twenty eight and nine
eih March twenty eight and ninth just kinda zoomed by we went out shopping both dayz both dayz to tractor supply long awaiting my motherz horse to have her baby and then to walmart and i think maybe the bank or somewhere on the twenty eighth and then on the twenty ninth my mom dropped me off at the mall while she really quickly ran to southern estatez to get some horse feed and i got my room done there are picturez everywhere and i searched every where for my glitter scrunchiez obviously someone took them out of my room anyayz we were coming bak and like i waz a bit mad coz it pissed me off where ppl just take shit out of my room and the roadz were all bak up where there waz a major wreck on the highway and like thiz girl waz stopped in her car beside us and i waz being a little loud but not TOO loud and like my momz like look at how that little girlz staring at you she callz every girl younger than her little so i turn my head and look thiz girl with these glassez not all that great lookingz staring at me so i turn bak around to face my mom minute later turn my head bak around bitch still staring so i stick my tongue out at her and quickly turn bak around laughing my mom waz like heather shut up and quit laughing like that she had no idea what i did ;p heih heih eih i also got my reservation for the train im going to melz on the tenth and supposedly coming home on the twenty first i have until monday to get it paid for

Ugly Fuckling

Why do you have to know my decorum I'm not for thiz I wore it All to bed And woke up with bedhead Whatz on my body iz none of your business Buzz off For thiz I want to kill them Stop trying to get it off Itz not coming off Die won't you plesae? Because you're annoying me

Leave it alone You can't help it or won't? Sick of being lonely But not that desperately And I'm fine seperately From the section Designated to humahnz Forget humahn I'm going vampiress Can't satisfy them Can't get with t hem Keep looking at me like I'm tainted That'z the best procedure I've ever wanted Thought I waz going to b in danger Fawk her You love someone else instead I'm sick of having these gamez played mind control NO NO NO Itz time I let you go Bak to loving The ugly fuckling

I hate you Do you hear those three little slithering wordz? kill you? What the fuck for? You're the one who fucked me over Not the other Way around my dear Don't shed your tearz Coz your sorry now You could have said something long ago Why now? Why the hell feel guilty now? Don't you dare get mad at me because Im the one who did nothing At all wrong

Chorus

You don't eat lettuce Fucking cow Picke juice Straining down Your blotted out lipz And I want to hear none of thiz Coz all you did Waz lie To me an innocent bystanding victim Pretended to b my friend For god knowz how long I'm sick of playing thiz endless shit You're the one who ruined it By loving her and not me So don't look at me With eyez all teary

Chorus

Don't worry I'm leaving for New York city You'll all b sorry When I've unleashed my fury Not only on to thiz piece of paper You're the one who craved her Not me You only lied to me Lied about loving me And then cry when I confront your cruelty You can't make me feel guilty Fuck nao Not thiz time You gawd forsaken ho You know what? Take her all you want Coz I dont need you I dont need anyone Because I have God To make it all by my lonesome And I'm confident In my wayz I could have the demonz I could have satan I could have anything I want I don't need any mahn or womahn To reach the power of a nation I just have to bow down to one condition Of either lord And I'm not looking forward To giving up I won't I can't Because I'm no HUMANZ Got that? Am I an angel? Am I demon Guess you'll never know that I belong to no one And nothing So have fun With all your lying You'll never have me again I have what it takez To reach the top with confident grace

twenty seven
eih March the twenty seventh the beginning of thiz whole retarded fawked up situation actually it started on the twenty sixth when my dumbass stalker emailed me blah blah blah i hope really hope i get to talk to you while I'm at Melissaz he sayz he goz over there to watch anime but eih itz more like letz go stalk heather time eih so itz like around three i go smoke a couple of cigarettez praying i dont get caught which i dont i have one hidden and stashed in here by the compuker in thiz little plastic case so mel tellz me like around seven hez there and he startz talking to me first he just cant get off the fact of he haz to know what im wearing so im like clothing of course thatz not good nuff for him so then hez like any pantiez or bra so im like melissaz and then hez like what are you wearing twenty billion timez i keep telling him to ask Melissa saying shell know he getz all mad so finally i just lie and make some shit up and then itz like he wont shut up about how he wantz me on hiz bday wantz to wear my pantiez on hiz bday blah blah and so im like screw thiz getz off goz and smokez a couple more cigarettez come bak hoping hez gone of course hez not and then he startz saying all thiz shit about how he lovez me so im why and he tellz me my accent my pantiez my body my hair the parking lot where we made out when i waz mega high and im like thiz iz soooo infatuation i wish hed get over me later on i went and stole the rest of my momz phone card time coz me and mel kind of got in a fight i waz a bit out of and so waz like im going to go downstairz and read pandora and she blurtz out fine my gf only hatez me and im thinking of cheating with another one the gf being Elesia and me being the one to cheat with and that pissed me off a bit becoz im thinking if Elesiaz the gf then wtf am i just some fawking sex toy? some fawking ring around the rosy monkey in the middle girl to b played with and i stated i waznt going to have any of that shit and not have anyone play with me so then shez like im going to go die blah blah blah which she knowz i dont want coz i love her i waz just jealous and confused and being retarded anyayz on the phone she told me my stalker had been making fun of Will, and Devon, and Brian calling them redneckz who wear Tommy Hilfiger gawd i hate him and need to kick hiz ass good!!

Birthday Gurl

worried
eih today waznt a very exciting day but that doeznt really matter I'm more worried about taschaZ and melissaZ theyre both pretty depressed taschaZ depressed coz she got caught drinking at Joez by her mom and hez VeRy close to her and VeRy good to her and she lovez hangin w/him and i feel really bad for her right now ;/ i hope shez going to b okay coz i love taschaZ to death and don't want anything bad to happen to her eih Mel just feelz like I do that she doeznt count to anyone and that no one noticez her or likez her so i can totally relate to her my poor Mel ;/ I love ya Mel I hope I get to go up to Melz soon so that maybe I can make her feel better and cheer her up somehow ;/ least I hope so eih tho I'm a bit over the caring about soooo many pplz opinionz of me and not being liked i get like thiz after i just get fed up w/pplz rejection i start rejecting them right bak like the assholez they are coz deep down i know i DON'T really need them az long az I have one person who lovez me im going to do fine ;p eih tho right now I guess the one person i feel who understandz me the most iz Will coz he feelz the same way about not really wanting to b around too many ppl and just the way thingz are and how ppl are so fawking retarded and have to fawk with you just coz youre a goth and depressed all the time heiy! we can't help it and whether you fawking believe it or not we don't ask for it eih ohhh wellz fawk the onez who just can't understand ;p

laterZ

Bjork

My Bjork Song is Isobel!
My name Isobel...Wait...your song Isobel! You really have things under control. You know what you want, and usually you get it. You are very fun and outgoing, but if people oppose you, another side comes out. others should beware...but not too much.

This test was created by Zid! Visit my Livejournal zidanime or my Deadjournal nexttolastsong

Take the test HERE!

Eshu


What kith are you? Find out here.

Hippay


What is YOUR Highschool label?

WeD-NeZ-DaY
I am Wednesday's Child
What day are you?

kissy


discover what candy you are @ stvlive.com

hah


Take the What Kind of Slacker are you? Quiz

FiVe!


take free enneagram test

JA RUNK ;p

What kind of drunk are you?

I am the 69



Take the What Sex Position Are You? test by Ley Ley

Leaving It

Go away I don't want to play I used to but that waz yesterday I no longer want to play Your stupid annoying game Of want me one day Decide not to the next Don't touch or look at my breastz I'm sick to death Of men and women They equally Both kill me Until I have nothing left And I feel so out of place Because I don't really belong in the human race

I don't belong here Not with you Don't hold me close don't hold me dear I'm beginning to hate all of you Don't worry about me I'll soon disappear Call me sad fawk you You don't know what sad iz So don't tell me what I'm feeling You piss me off everytime you come near Stay the hell bak Stay away from me Stay clear Because I can't stand being here Can't stand having you touching me tender I hear thingz that you don't hear And I'm going to die whether You like it or not mister

So tired of being in proximination to anyone I no longer know fun And you sit and wonder Why I've started to go crazy Wouldnt you? After three hundred and fifty two Weekz of blah I'm fading slowly And you still don't know me And you no longer care about me You don't love me You're just faking it And I'm sick of it So go find some other female to take it Because I'm not going to sit around and b your security blanket

Chorus

You don't feel it The version of hatred That I do And it'z starting to make me black and blue Pushing me down Until I'm dizzy With the ground Sipping tea in the Bronx And walking past I hear your car horn honk But it doeznt mean a thing And I want you to love me But you substantially won't Just can't let it affect me Because then you'll know

Chorus

Don't worry over me I'm not worth your sympathy My mortal soul I'm losing I don't really know where it'z going I just know itz leaving And both worldz can b deceiving And my heart knowz what itz believing But my mind believez another And you don't really notice me You don't really need me So please don't say you do Because it only holdz me to you When I should move on Let it all b taken Down down down I know Im falling down And you can't stop it Nor me Because deep down you don't care about me You just care for yourself And I'm sick of being someone else'z pay check Someone elsez play set I can't handle it So i'm leaving it

Girl Action

Mommy I'm a whore You don't know me any more Screwing chickz iz all I'm good for My virginityz a rip off I threw it off Soon az I could fake a cough And then it waz Girlz girlz girlz Slut iz a plus You gave me more than I ever deserved Can't stop drooling over her curvez And you don't know it because we're All lip stick lesbianz

I'm going to confront your mommyz about you all About everything I ever saw Abandoned me Because I waz too depressing For you to take Screwing me over waz your first mistake Screwing her waz your second mistake Don't act so fake Because I know down under that foundation that liquidatez There'z no real happiness Tried to have me taken out Like the trash you are I told you I'm sorry too many timez to count Lick it up like the whore you are I know you want to I know you're dying to And I'm not some silly little domestic girl to lie to

I can see your see through underpantz Right above your belly button You think you're so damned Fucking awesome Just can't wait to see you in prison I wanna know how you're so damned sure So damned sure of yourself You're over ten timez not pure Saw you fucking yourself Thinking of a model on tour That you'll never beside yourself get Can't let you forget What a bitch you were to profit And ring the cash register up with my methodz Theory of speaking My profession waz never fucking Like that Too smart for that

Chorus

Now listen up And listen good I'm sick of the hold up Ugh I don't want to see you walk out here in the nude I'm ready for your parentz to understand Why you never came out of your room Too busy chatting without any mahn You may want men But you truly are into getting one hundred percent Bonafied women Az sickening Az that iz I know it all And I'm going to expose you for the lack of ballz You are using Decision chewing But you're played out And the tabloidz are going to hear about it

Chorus

Thinking about women and midgetz 24-7 online the internet Staring at porn Nao nao thiz iznt a threat I've seen you staring at cartoon picturez Of men screwing men Don't lie itz soon going to h the main feature Don't start with me m & m I'm going to show the authoritiez Your secret nasty society Of femalez who aren't into telling the truth You want that cartoon Body to come to life To come to you Late at night Not in the form of a human But keep the animation Because a clay body feelz so vivacious Picturez for sell On your friend the internet Thumbnailz Of you fawking take a look b my guest I'm sure you want all the detailz That'z just too fawking bad Coz the rightz arent for sale So get bak in line Stupid lesbian bride Can't stand you For the fact you Treated me like dirt Just to get beneath an unexcusable trampz skirt

Outspoken

Slip down deeper mister dirty You're going to b a fat bald joke when you're thirty I can say I hate you with certainty You're so damned filthy God of sodomy You only pretended to want me He used to want me Until he Discovered that he never really Belived me To b all that pretty And I'm ready You've pushed me To the point where you're going to wish you'd never known me

He likez you more than me Mister ogre jimmy I don't care any more I've lost it at the butcher store When I don't eat meat Vegetarian whore And not having you Makez me want you Even more But that'z the drunkness In the bak of my head talking Saying thiz Coz I don't want you at all Because you only go for What you can get out of milking It to the last drop And thiz haz to stop Because I hate you I want you to ROT

My earz are infected I can't hear what your mouth inflicted On my nipplez On my neck And I want you to end up decapitated You turned me into a wreck Sell it That'z all you can think of Throw me out naked You wanted to see me naked You acted It all out To make me look like a fool You mother fucking corporate sell out

Chorus

Can't take the strain Of hearing one'z opinionz Don't want to remember your name I want you to swallow the poision And end up insane Dead even greater But I can't get you out of the incubator You little baby Whining for someone to save me And you aren't going to have me Ever again Never believing In your stupid Fucked up twisted Game of dealing You're not a goth so stop talking Because you don't have any idea what you're talking about That'z why you don't understand the pain Behind the idea of dying

Chorus

I go on starving myself Because you made me question My real beaiuty And I hate you fully I want to make you pay For what you did to me Down on the carpet Blood sordid Want to make you remember it Every single pennant You made me fuck you on But all the lust and love are gone And I'm tainted Now more than ever And I want you b arrested For not pulling the trigger I'd rather have had you Murder me That make me listen to you And your wordz of fawked society Your sentencez that don't belong to our philosophy But that of the onez driven for popularity And you think me To b the one submissive Take another look at yourself when you come to visit Because you worrying about appearancez Makez you the one even more mind stricken For control Domination something I've never been able to hold Just your damnation Because I'm outspoken with creation

Don't Get Up

Look into my aquamarine eyez They glint bak But they've come to fully blind Any onlooker wishing to find A tiny scruple A tiny place To rest their soul Into a larger dramatic hole But I no longer have my mortal soul And I no longer believe in that joke of humanity I fell in love with the fiend of assholez He taught me what being a human waz really It meant nothing but pain taking a sore toll

You think you're sooo damned cute I want to kick you I want to bite you Not to give you eternity But to give you eternal humility To teach you what you taught me Come on now You never before were shy Don't start now Screwing a womahn overz fine if you're a guy Izn't that the case can't stop now I'm not going to give you the mercy to die I'm going to show you how To take every single Piece and commodity Of the sylable love That meanz nothing Shut up Can't convince me Shut the fuck up I'm going to show you what it really feelz like to b ugly Sit down and don't you dare get bak up

You mother fucking male whore Just another casenova to try and make every little slut adore Don't call me that It'z not cute when your lipz say that That word meanz nothing Unless itz coming From a person who really understandz it From someone who really meanz it And your meaning you don't even know No not yet Don't dare bet Against my lord Get out the gun Get out the sword I want to watch you sweat When they bring out pain that you can't afford That you can't handle And on hook you wiggle Trying to get away from the scandal Those wordz of please are too late and too little

Chorus

You're going to feel me You thought it waz so damned funny Now that you see me Your shrinking away from me Because I'm now the frigid bitch who'z angry And you're going to wish for me To leave But don't expect me To let it go that easy Because you see I thought you liked me I thought you understood me You lied to me You hurt me Tablez have turned for me Not for you Time for Crimson Fury to show you Just exactly How much she hatez you And cry all you want You aren't receiving any comfort

Chorus

You still believe your the royalty That your fun just can't b spoiled Well think again Pumpkin head Because here I come Jack And you'd better watch your bak Because I'm going to break it And you don't even have to step on a crack Wish you could turn bak The handz of time? Too fawking bad!! You had The time You just wasted Thought I'd made it You made fun of me For being a little druggy Oh you're so much fucking better Aren't you mister wanna b creditor You're not any fucking higher I'll shoot you off I used to think I had it made Feel the break Az I clinch your bonez in my fortress of barricade You aren't going to escape And you're done for mister prince of skate

Made it
Made it to another day!! eih early thiz morning i talked to Christina she waz talking to me about God and the majestic and glorious thingz he doez and that my thoughtz on him not being able to prevent thingz were my doubt and fear taking voer i dunno she could b right itz just ya know i KNOW hez definitely there definitely helpz me coz hez taken stuff away but eih itz just not alwayz so it makez me wonder at timez if hez testing me or what shrugZ i need to stop beliving in religion and then most of thiz morning I cleaned up my room looking for shit havent found everything totally yet but my momz going to help me look on Wednesday so we'll find it or somethin eih i took all my new make up out of the packagez itz pretty kewl hope i get to go to melz im gonna have fun if i get to anyayz

laterZ

twenty four
March the twenty fourth~finally fell aslep at eight am thiz morning after being so gawd damned restless and soooo fawking pissed from stupid little punkz and then like i slept until like around five got up came on here and saturday AoHeLL waz soooo fawked up and then it waz perfect today i could finally check my email!! lmfao and then like i waz talking to Mel and then went into AiM chat in really good mood and then my mom ACTUALLY asked me to go somewhere with her thiz NEVER happenz LoL i waz a bit shocked and waz thinking about Mel and then for some really weird reason I really missed Will and i missed thiz time last year when i waz doing shit at skewl and having fun and like remembered doing Grease in tv productionz thiz time coz it waz right before spring break and my mom made me go to skewl all week before sb and then i remembered how much i had been in love with Will and how everything felt soooo gawd damned perfect i missed that perfectness of being happy and i just kept having thingz remind me of shit and then like we came home and like uhm came bak on here talked to Mel some more and then like i saw Megan online and she said shed sent me a chat invite but i kinda wonder if she ever did coz i signed off twice of AoHeLL and never got an invite shrugZ and then I got soooo pissed off coz i waz so irritated at the way ppl in there treated me and the way Lauren wrote me bak asking her not to send forwardz to her az if itz sooo fawking important and then i talked to Ron and he seemed to b totally uninterested in me and waz like he waz going to die when hez NOT going to die i'll go over there if i have to to make sure of that but eih yah he waz like blah blah blah about how he wouldnt b okay without me shyeah right and then like i wrote a few songz last nite shrugZ thatz about it

Twenty Three
March the twenty third~the day part waz okay i stole some of my momz phone card time LoL and called Mel coz she waz pissing me off just for merely asking if she were going anywhere so that i could maybe get out of the house blah it waz fun talking to Mel I miss her a lot course i also waz told that I prolly waznt going to b able to go to Melz coz my mother didnt have the money more like she just doeznt want me to fawking go coz she haz plenty of money for her fawking horsez and to get shit for Sherry all the time itz just never me becoz I really don't matter but thiz waz the nite of all nitez completely shitty first started out Mel went to bed so gawd damned early LoL then Ron didnt come on taschaZ wazn't really around and then i waz in the anime chat and I merely said I hated Gundam Wing like the plot and shit but liked the characterz and Amy started going off on me coz I waz bad mouthing her show itz not like i said really anything bad at all just the mere fact of I hated the show I mean thatz my opinion I should b able to state my opinion without nearly the whole fawking chat just going fawking nutz coz gawd forbid i said i dont like gundam wing i mean i could have said something like gw iz so fawking gay or thatz the most retarded show all i said waz i hated it i didnt know no one waz allowed to state their opinionz any more or have a mind of individuality didnt know everyone had to like the same thing or like the thingz you did i thought that waz the whole idea behind being different and not conforming itz retarded shit and i mean my gawd i have ppl say shit like hating stuff i like all the time such az when i waz in my major Leonardo DiCaprio craze ppl would say they hated it so what? thatz their opinion not myne!! or like my favorite movie iz Empire Recordz I know taschaZ doeznt like it Melz never seen Devonz never seen it but I didnt say omg you have to love it or else!!! or like my fav bandz Garbage so what if no one else likez them so what if no one else likez the thingz you do iznt the fact you like it the important part? mahn and then i even apologized like five timez saying it waz just a dumb comment letz not argue about it and no one could drop it so i just left and said fawk it coz that waz just being retarded then Shaun started being a complete asshole he iz the fawking king of dongz First off he came in anime and started blah blah blah and fawking with thiz guy who waz being nice to me just to b a dong and saying ohh yah letz have a yaoi party and thinking it sooo funny that the guy didnt know that meant a guy fawking another guy who fawking retarded iz that? ohhh yah soooo damned funny mega retarded and then he had the fawking nerve to call me Heathy thatz Mel and Willz nick name for me to b honest i dont like anyone besidez them and Moni and the ppl who SERIOUSLY know me calling me that and Shaun doeznt know me any more than what ive typed into thiz gawd damned blog he never really talkz to me on AiM then he started acting like he had my naked pix and i knew he didnt coz he said he didnt before and Mel told me that day that he didnt altho she said he said my reg pix were pretty which I know he waz fawking lying about ugh he just makez me so fawking mad ohhh yah he also had the nerve to insult my writing calling it ofusicating some shit like that basically meaning itz hard to understand i guess for some lil teeny bopper minded musical person it would not make sense specially when theyre not a goth and dont understand pain! ohh wellz fawk him hope we never talk again

Twenty Two
On March the twenty second really didn't do anything in the day time even though my mom waz off eih that evening went out to dinner with my dad hiz wife and my sister and then we went and spent the nite at hiz house i had the most fawked up dream all nite long it waz of thiz scene of being at my dadz house and like we used to have thiz huge toy room that eventually turned into my sisterz bedroom upstairz hiz house and like i had thiz dream that me and mel were up there and sitting on the bed nearest thiz table that used to sit right in front of the window of the room and like she waz wearing nothing but a bra and a pair of pantiez and my dad came up and saw her once like that thought nothing of it and left and like i put my handz on her breastz or something like that and then like my stalker comez in the room and like im going really near Mel and like hez like trying to do shit to us and itz scary and then like some other dude walkz in and then like my dad comez up there and seez the dudez and iz like why the fawk are you in my house escortz them out and startz beating the shit out of them and then like startz looking at me and Mel with you all are filthy and saying iz thiz what youve been doing in my house and askz Mel if shez ever slept with me and she tellz him yes and i start anguishly crying nao and like uhm hez like how could you and im like nao and just screaming and crying becoz he looked at me so ashamed and made me feel so awful az if he didnt love me any more and like it waz just one of my struggling dreamz i have these quite often any more eih and i kept waking up feeling like demonz were around me or somewhere in between the couch i waz sleeping on and the bed my sister waz itz prolly where my father made me go to bed at 12pm and i dont ever go to bed until at least four if not later and waz like being a total dong making me mad he still kind of treatz me like a kid when im nearly nineteen ;/

plain scary
eih thiz iz one scary ass poem my stalker wrote for me ahh!!

RAGDOLL WOMAN

ragdoll woman won't nag me about my clothes.

while the barbies want you to sell your soul to gq.

ragdoll woman is philosophical.

barbies go for the bigger,better deal.

ragdoll woman will enjoy anime with you.

barbies make you watch melrose place.

ragdoll woman will stroke your hair.

barbies complain about it's length.

ragdoll woman will keep you warm in winter.

barbies are cold 24/7.

ragdoll woman has soft,supple breasts.

the hard fake breasts of the barbies will poke your eyes out if you are not carefull.

ragdoll woman loves you for your yourself.

barbies are too self serving.

i wish the godhead of existence would give me a needle and thread to sew the the rips and tears from humanity's violence.

But, ragdoll woman is smart,beautiful,and strong

i think she'll find her own needle and thread.

I wish for a thread that will lead me back to her.

Vampire

Look at me did I make you blink? Did my evil dark hooded blue eyes make you stop and think Blood is my favorite drink Vampire by nite flame ignites my empire Little girl you're so afraid Little boy let me bite your neck for your blood eternity is what I'll trade In heaven or hell neither sky can make us change And nothing in your palm can help us to be saved So submit to our realm and join us in our chaotic dance of play

You know you want to love us You want to join us You know you want to you know you want to because Fangs and capes make you look so cool And you can brainwash the whole world with just one bite and drink of the reddest hue You know you'll come to me because you know you want to hear me say I love you I won't hurt you I just want you for my eternal love Is that so much to ask for a little too much or a little too less? To make you mine and feed you and me off on a wine of serum and happiness Quit looking at me with those eyes I won't conform to your jesus Give me your hand I'll set you free of worry and reason

Do you feel I'm trying to make you into a zombie? No my love you're already a follower when you sit and stare at that girl wearing abercrombie You won't be eating off of my dead corpse Perhaps you wish to hurt me of course! Take your wooden stake far from my chest Eyeing me with your garlic necklace Darling I do grow tiredly restless Just because you won't accept our world Doesn't mean to another boy I won't have the position of the most beautiful winning girl Who can bite into the more vital neck I don't need your mind games stuck in my head Enough I'm beginning to think you'd do us all better off while being dead

Chorus

Gothic queen with pale skin of savory ivory I won't be admonished on your cross of calvary You can think what you like but the world known I'm lovely And when everyone else follows me You'll still be ugly You'll still be completely lonely But I no longer will have any pity No my love no more sympathy You had your chance to come to me But you turned me down with rejection because I was too much

Chorus

You're voice wants to speak but you're too afraid to come forward and tell Tell us all we're creatures of the moon's lunar eclipse bale My skin for you was too pale You say I'm a leopard fox who's going to hell Hell bound Drinking from the crimson fountain You're lips have grown stale When they used to taste so sweet I guess no blood made you incomplete I don't care if you're sad I don't care if you're down and there's no more of you I don't care for your words that say hang the hellcat I'll get you in the night as I turn into the most sexiest vampire bat No I won't bite you I don't want you to live with us forever No from me you'll only get so lucky as to have your head severed

Us

You're so fucking infuriating Your self righteous hypocrisy is so nauseating And you don't know what wreck you've just began creating Your eyes never see and your heart's never constantly debating Your words are over rating And you keep on hating Despising every day that I keep on melancholy changing Living with your blasphemy day after day is so frustrating

I can say any thing and you don't even notice I think of it it in this light I could either overcome this notoriety or become us Superficial non preservative grins and us With your country songz and us With your gorgeous popularity But I know if I pretend to be you I have no chance No chance to love fully No chance to be truly lovely

You push me to the extreme I've gotten to the point I wear my heart upon my sleeve But I never tell you anything in my head no nothing I seriously believe What's the use you won't be listening So why even pronounce my feelings and opinions You won't hear one word come from my mouth It makes no sense any more because of myself I always doubt That what I think is right

Chorus

I'm losing myself piece by piece My mind begins to wander looking for some adorning peace Try to keep me on your metal leash You treat me like a jarred circus flea Never letting me be Never letting me show who I am outside of the jar You never let me become free You keep the lid on tightly and give me no air letting the suffocation do all the harm

Chorus

I'm not going to be you And when I hear your word 'us' I'm not one to include No I'm not an us I'm too much of an individual Too much of the gothic succubus I have men for breakfast for a sugar rush Sugary cherry crimson lips Go sexy go Lick every bit every single strip It's the only way lately I can slip Away from all the pain. . . Run away with me on the train Happy ending for once is what I'm looking for And this time I want to write it out so I won't hear goodbye as the rain slowly pours

Snow Leopard

Pull my hair out punch in my teeth You make me want to go scream So fucking loud That I'm heard above your group of fat friends who make up a nice blob of a crowd You like to say I have to use a dildo I don't think so Nah I'm not that fucking ugly That I can't get a real life guy to fuck me Nah I'm not you The one with the humongous dude

Throw me down DOWN DOWN DOWN Choke me little miss babydoll in the shallow water and light your eyes up as you see me drown You've dragged my sawdust limbs all over this town And now you miss beauty pageant of the disgusting wear the brightest crown On top of her head but you look at me and you start to again frown Because I little miss transfluent gothy hold you down I'm the Pink Panthress in disguise and I'm ready to pounce And I'll bring you down using my strength devoting every ounce Don't think I can't fuck you up badly enough I am number one powerhouse I'm feeling quite snow leopardish Icy hot and fresh And my carniferous nature wants to rip apart your flesh

Falling all the way overboard Ripping out my life jackets cord But it never does go to extend And I no longer am going to bend Over backwards to please you and only you Because of your maybe in between negative mediocrity im through With feelings can you believe I grew? I can but when every time I try I only fail and lose And I'm sick of being stuck here so you're going to have to choose If my body's more important or my happiness that turns my green eyes back to blue

Chorus

Am I only good for your fetish of one night stands? Am I only good for meeting your lazy half ass demandz? Answer me and I want it faster than spick and span You say you don't want him nao he's too ugly of a man But that's only the reason you're hanging from his arm and eating out of the palm of his hand Doing whatever he's asking so you can supposedly get the goods from Japan But I think once you do have your merchandise You'll still b around him like Aphrodite's bee hive You'll still let him push you around and roll your dice For your life you'd better think twice

Chorus

And I feel like an Egyptian queen of the most ancient pyramids But you push the thoughts out of my mind shutting the lid You say tons of people want to have my kids Are you trying to make me laugh because that's exactly what I did I will never bear child I'm far too wild I'm still the snow leopard incarnate Lioness with her mane endowed in garnets Poison me with arsenic Rather than present me with this boring life Of becoming a typical housewife I can't fulfill my duty To any man because I have no outer beauty I never want anyone to love me When they do I always resume to lvoe back out of mutuality Sexuality and sensuality All bad for me So stay away darling completely Let me pick the leopard man for my prey When I find him I maybe then can obey

Tyger

Yah you think you know her

You think you're the one who bought her

You believe hey I'm the auctioner

Hey I'm the one who sold her

Drown all your ideas back into your little boy's perverted folder

Because every step you take you're only making it colder

I told her

I told her

That you severely wanted to hold her

And she knows you adore her

Nearly all of the world would do anything for her

Some uneducated scampy little freaks like to nourish her with torture

But I know she'll bust through your thorny injustice of an orchard

Maybe she appears just your ordinary jane

A misery chick covered in pain

But you don't know this tyger

You don't know how fun with her holding your hand it can be just to dance in the rain

Race car striper

And she's a regular heart sniper

She'll have yours for breakfast

Before your eggs and bacon down your throat begin to digest

You may perceive her life as a mess

But when you look with eyes like that we all know it just means your jealous

One girl revolution totally zealous

Beauty of the sexiest making your touch seem impetuous

Don't hold her on a pedestal

She has no desire to fall into a realm so premenstral

She lives in the fast lane

Slower when everything feels like its flowing down the drain

She's a tyger and don't you dare call her a beast

Monster isn't what she is in the least

North, south, west and east

Here and far

Bondage is what you're thinking when you believe you should put this tyger behind bars

You're just scared she's going to bring you out of your skin

No matter how hard you try to protest you know shez gonna win

A huntress in the body of a tyger

An assassin of a dangerous fighter

With invisible stripes

To protect and hide her. . .

From all the hideousness

Of all the rotten people's disease

Watch out she'll have you down on your knees begging her to stop licking you please!

No Attempt

No show here there's nothing left to see So get the fuck out my fair lady Tell me won't you tell me Why I'm the prisma of your hatred and prisoner of all my lost tears in eyes so empty Just because I won't bend myself to meet a certain light in any shape of origami I'm an incapable lesbian whore in your philosophy My name's on every street corner With pictures of my face posted to every wanted poster around this red neck city You're a hypocrite of Christianity Sponge to my parched lips but I can't grab it because the rocks I fall on are way too slippery

Make me yourz Make me all yourz Not just partially I want all of you in this game of love and war If you really want this fox Rover down on all fours I'm Miss Leopard and if you're really the jungle cat you are mister lion you'll roar Not out of anger not out of pain Because you and I both know Im not truly happy this way Push me down for making the biggest mistake I've ever considered making Turn me into your unordained prisoner Kiss me sweetly while snow keeps falling in the eye of this fire's blizzard Run and try and catch me while I'm a girl who loves to run with scissors You can catch my body but you can't catch me any where else I no longer know my inner self

I'm beginning to lose interest in deciphering myself just to make you call me normal Maybe I am part of the abnormal Candy apple made out of carmel And I can't taste the insides I cant taste the outsidez Because in my sight It's bad so bad to let myself dismantle And let myself taste Because if I do all my work will just be one major waste Of a perfectly good attempt To get rid of myself

Chorus

I can't tell you No I'm sorry I just cant tell you About my past and of my present too I'm afraid and I'm barely breathing And Im sure it looks like Im only out to be sexually teasing This piece of myself that lies unnoticed I wish to release Not talking not saying a word makes only the weight increase I'm just a crazy female who's a hit and run victim of being a misfit on a leash But who hold's the grip of the cord in their hands? Try to make me do what you want if you can

Chorus

I want to make myself disgusting So no person will be reaching for my body to touch Rape convicted me down to the surface a bit too much Violation coming over my mind like a bloodrush Like a mark on my neck I still can feel all of the affects Smoker or drinker Doesn't matter you hit me and ran because you didnt see me signal with my blinker You didnt stop just couldnt bring yourself to stop Because I looked just a little bit too fucking sexy in my low cut top I hated your kiss I hated every drop It was nastier than kissing a pig no steps up And of everyone pushing me around Ive had enough Im not some showgirl to sit there and buy her expensive presentz just to try and make her impressed You cant impress me but maybe I'll let you have me If I want you too much But that's only if I don't already hate your guts Makes ya wonder But you'll never find out so dont even try it