Paradise

Staring at me with a compound eye as if I'm a circus freak

I'm the freak of the week

Silencing me before the words can come from my mouth for me to impediently speak

Taking away anything that holds symbolic meaning for me, turning my world into a dark black cloud of ruins that's so obsoletely oblique

Placing on the strong love I own a precious time limit

Not approving of the desire and passion I feel you want to stop the feelings now and prohibit

Your face turns a bright shade of cherry red, as you begin to grow livid

Thinking by not allowing the things that give me pleasure you'll soon make me grow timid

Don't you think that maybe we could put this on credit?

No matter how hard you try the love I feel will always still be distributed

To the love of my life my heart plays tribute

Thinking you're domineering domain has made a smashing debut

There's no point in arguing so let's end this dispute

Right here and now

Because no matter how

Hard and stubbornly I fight

We'll always know who will be right

And it's certainly not me

Because my side of the story you'll never look to see

Craving so languidly to be completely free

Hollow is what you'll always make me be

Nothing is what you'll always make me feel

Believing I own no inclination or skill

Hating my ingeniuously, beautiful talent

You jealously resent

The fact that about you I can write and express

Anything that I feel is of or not belonging to my best interest

Displaying each emotion with a great zest

Say you don't want it this carnival we're in, but you don't truly mean it

No, you don't really mean it

Of your tantalizing caresses I've become a massive addict

Darling don't you ever stop or quit

Of you and your love I can't get enough of it

Drowning in your seductive eyes I've become smitten

Twice shy, and only once bitten

All claws and scratches when putting up a defensive act,

but in your arms I purr like a kitten

Nothing that I feel can be hidden

Enjoying telling you each and every little thought that enters my head

Inspecting me like an uncivilized savage as I come to break bread

Sitting still at your neatly organized table

Psychotic is only one of the labels

You've placed upon my skin

Wearing the flaming crimson of the scarlet A upon my bosom as you all look at me as your object of unredeemable sin

Pursing my mouth, my lips growing whitely thin

Wanting to feel your tongue cross them

To feel in my loins once again the hot passion swim

Up to the window of my soul's surface

I know you make me think these scandalous thoughts on purpose

Wanting me as much as I want you, no matter how hard either of us try

There's no way in hell anyone could deny

A chemistry so strong and magnetic as this

I'll be yours with only one sweet kiss

Letting the storm of desire sweep over me to take control

Mesmerized by your eyes that are almost as dark as coal

Seduced into your love making

Feeling only you, not listening to my heart that's shaking

So scared that all I am is another easy victim to be used

Then frightened that I'll be thrown back to the slave driver's abuse

Forgetting each grim thought as my body turns to clay for you to mold

Licking the tender flesh of each part's multiple folds

Onto anything I grasp, no longer having a hold

Captive of your mystical, enchanting spell

Creeping slowly out of my placating shell

Knowing that what I have with you isn't some vision from some child's fairy tale

Not keeping any part of me a secret, anything of myself to you I can tell

Being hated for being straightforward with anyone who owns a piece of me, as I'm sincerely honest

You portray the part of the tempest

As you kiss my succulent breasts

Moving down in between to the valley to softly nibble and graze

Lost in a vertigo of a psychedelic haze

My world becoming a romantic craze

Knowing that I'll never be able to forget you or this night

Not being able to be satisfied with only one taste or bite

I have to have all of you, you leave me hungry for more

Needing to touch and feel you for my soul to be completely restored

My heart implores

Begging you never to go

Hoping that the evil apparitions again will never come back for another show

Dreaming that I can stay lost with you forever in this oblivion

Never having to go back to my deceptive world

Wanting to stay here in your arms where I can always be that special girl

Not having to hear how awful I am all day long

Never again being told that my behavior and actions I take are so incredibly wrong

Merely having to worry about feeling the telepathic connection I share with you that is so intensely strong

I know here in this rapturous paradise of bliss, with only you is where I truly and honorably belong

Must Kill Fluxotine
hmmm I'm extremely in the mood to kill my fluxotine it haz made me feel like mega weird all day. Now I feel really bad cause Friday night when I waz talking to Josh he brought up about going to see thiz girl Danni and I'm fine with that. But hearing the name "Dani" bringz up a lot of bad memoriez. And even tho I should b completely over Will by now partz of me just aren't I guess it'z where I never just said good bye to him. You know we bitched at each other had fightz broke up etc but we remained friendz after that so maybe where hez a close person to me it makez me feel the way I do I'll never really b sure. I think he thought the poem can't even think of what i called it right now that I wrote Friday night waz about him and it wazn't I wrote that about a lot of the excess bagging feelingz I have for Will and then ninety percent of it waz about my mom because she put me in such a shitty mood that day for blaming me for everything. I'm just not very good at putting up with that stuff I guess. But nao nao way did I write that about Josh mrow. wish he hadn't thought that ;/ mrow thatz prolly why I've felt so weird around him tonite. . .ohhh well least he knowz now. sighZ I suck!!! mrow I should give up the fluxotine maybe then I wouldn't write doubt it tho I've been writing for wayyyy too long. mrow but I've really gotta werk on stop feeling thingz of the past I get to those feelingz and then just start combining past, present, and future feelingz. such a dong am I. mrow eih shyeah tho Josh should know I love him so ;p mrow wantz to go brag to Melissa really bad about him to b honest cause I think he'z mega special and extremely hot so ;p you can't change my mind either bwahahaha. mrow I'm evil. mrow shyeah really wantz to see him tho so he can see my hair and more than likely sit there and stare all frightened ;p mrow hmm haven't talked to taschaZ lately kinda missed her. ohhh mahn Brandonz been being such a dong today and like my dog haz been mega weird he keepz jumping up on the compuker chair and putting hiz pawz all over my pantz. poor bow wow dunno whatz wrong with him. I've just felt soooo damned weird today. Not the grrreatest day and wanted to talk to Josh like all day think I think about him wayyy too much yesh b frightened!! mrow ohhh mahn Deen like imed me and kept going "Sweet Home Alabama" lmfao a little bit too in tune with Lynrd Skynrd ya think lmfao. So I'm like eih did you see that movie or something? Cause I saw it a couple weekz bak really liked it. He'z like uhm nao something else lol. it waz a bit scary ;p mrow Stephen actually talked to me today too that waz surprising. He wantz medz like I have iz he fawking nutz? You dont want my pillz they fawking blow. mrow watched the movie Life or Something Like it with Amber today that'z a pretty awesome movie Angelina Jolie iz awesome in it. mrow anyayz I guess I'll go for now shrugZ

laterZ

Fetish

Your Secret Fetish Is Piercings!

Not only is the pain a big rush, as you know, piercings are a great sexual enhancer.
Sure, you may not be able to get a job with your punctured face,
but you will have incredible sex!
Kiss and suck away, but don't get your piercings locked with your lover's.

What's *Your* Secret Fetish? Click Here to Find Out!
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Size queen lmfao

You Are a Size Queen!

Gothization

You Are a Goth!

You're so gothically outrageous, and you aren't afraid to flaunt it.
Whether you dress up like Robert Smith or a tragic Little Bo Peep,
chances are that you'll be parading around with the rest of the goths at Yoyogi Park on Sunday.
Don't forget your white makeup and blue lipstick! Who knows?
You may just get picked up by one of the seedy photographers.

What's *Your* Japanese Subculture?

Not bi

Nope. Definitely not bisexual. Thank you for trying ;)

Although you only like to eat one kind of meat,
that doesn't mean you are any less of a sexual gourmand.
You just choose only the finest of dicks/breasts
(whichever strikes your particular gender's fancy)
and enjoy them with the style and panache that ideally suits you.

Are *You* Bisexual? Click Here to Find Out!
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Freaky grrrl

You Are A Freaky Kisser!

From tounge and lip piercings to not so nice biting,
you're a basket full of kissing surprises.
In fact, your kissing syle is so ...
scary that you've been known to send a few dates packing.
No need to worry, somewhere in the world there is a kisser freaker than you!

How Do *You* Kiss?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Contempt

You just can't stop Now can you? I'm not going to watch Or have anything to do with you You disgust me You just can't lay off of it nice and easily Up here watching dirty moviez While shez downstairz waiting Watching a blank fuzzy screen Baby in her armz But hez not yourz You think you're so much more important For living indoorz Than us the onez who want to know it Know what it'z like To really die

You think life iz so sacred Do you have anything to show for it? You make me so fawking angry Traipsing around in your boxerz laughing at it Laughing at her smiling at me In contempt It'z all in defiance Mocking us and smirking Do you know how it feelz Or are you just that fawking lucky To never b down to your last breath Down to your hope'z last shred When you're ready to throw it all out Just to give up and never look bak Or are you that fawking afraid that you could never put your soul down You've never lost your soul without not getting it bak Now have you We both know you Can't say that you have You don't know what it'z like So don't give me those shaming eyez Telling me you'd never end your life

You think you're so damned tough But have you ever felt what it'z like to b dying to b touched Knowing you're a leper And everyone seperatez Themselvez from you Not daring to lay a hand on you Because you're pretty enough Because you're not sexy enough Because you're not exciting enough Can you say that you've ever felt any of thiz stuff? Don't look at me like that and lie and say you knew it

Chorus

How can you compare us to what you're feeling You're obviously not happy And you don't think you'd ever b sorry enough for the killing You're killing yourself every night with drinking Your brain'z just so stilted it'z not letting you do the thinking To put it all together and see how draining The liquid going Down through your veinz It'z not obeying What you think it iz You may feel good But how long will it Last until your begging For another ounce for another serving? I give it a day You may last for two But sooner or later You can't get away No matter what you try to do

Chorus

I've seen it too many fawking timez Brandy running down your chin And you can't look us in the eyez Because your eyez are reddening Where you just can't seem to try And work out your problemz without consuming Something flagrant to avoid the suffering And yet you think you don't know Any amount of sorrow You think you could last through it Yes I know you think you can take it But can you How do you Know you Can really live through it I've seen you crying Don't think I haven't I see through it no matter what length you go to smothering It'z still there now izn't it The reason you won't stop pushing it All the way down your throat And I know you don't Want to answer thiz question Because it takez away all the substance you're lacking And you can't answer it anyway Because you're not in your right mind So you'll go on and let yourself play Night after night Day after day You've already became it'z slave And you think you own it Do you really now Can't you see it Ownz you now?

Aphrodisiac

Have you come again

My love who alwayz winz

To comfort me

To ender the realm of no turning

Simply just for me?

Pulling you into something

You'll hope you'll never b remembering

You don't know everything

About me

You'd like to think you do

You know enough about me to

Think you know what I am

But really do you

My love

Have I confused you

To the spot of blindness

Distracting you into

Believing you haven't had enough of me

Over the starz of ecstasy

Past the rainbow of glittering shadowz

Cast by the dawn of illuminating, fragile, shimmering lightz of the meadow

Running towardz me

When you should b running from me

I'm not that great for envisioning

In crimson linen

You're staring and not thinking straight

Look away

Quickly divert your sight

Before you look too long

And you can't get your eyez

Bak from glimpsing at the picture ever so wrong

When you're thinking it'z right

I need to correct it

To make you see through it

Can't bring myself to say it

I'm a prisoner of your vaptivating green eyez and sexy brushing full lipz

I'd say no you shouldn't want it

Shouldn't want me

But I can't bring myself to do it

Because I've fallen in love with it

You've taken my sensez over like an aphrodisiac

Yum Yum
hmmm let'z see I had a semi interesting day yesterday I suppose lol. Eih I got my hair done! But I'm not saying what exactly I got done to it except it'z cut and colored ;p lmfao I want to shock Josh when he comez over here again lmfao and yesh you will b. But in a mega good way promise. LoL Thinkz she likez surprising people too much ;p eih itz really pretty tho my momz eyez kinda popped out of her head when i came home lmfao and my sister Amber whoz been sick all day like waz like woo lmfao. Eih everyone'z been getting the flu around here damn my sisterz family of illness that comez up here when they're fawking sick. mrow eih if you can't tell I'm a bit uhm aggravated lol. Not the most grrreatest day. My momz been kind of a bitch all day to me. First she KNOWZ I've been fawking sick for the past let'z see who knowz? lol but uhm shyeah have I or have I not thrown up about every fawking day for the past week? I know a lot of it'z from the birth control but uhm Friday morning the way I woke up sick to my stomach like that mega symptom of the shit my sisterz husband had. . .and uhm I have NEVER gotten that from my Heather yum yum pillz they only make me extremely nauscious. Nine more dayz HELL YEAH! lmfao sorry I'm excited to get off the bitch ass pillz sorry to say tho I'm gonna still b sick the ditropan I have to take thanx to my stupid cistz pushing on stuff like makez me feel sick too bleh. I hate medication if you can't tell thiz by now? Anyayz, bak to what I waz getting into my mother waz like ohhhh yesh you're just sick every time anyone iz around here. Can I fawking help that? I definitely fawking am, I'm the one who haz had the disorder I have for the past fawking almost year now so yesh my health iznt exactly in grrreat condition and before that I've alwayz been an anemic and fawk you can tell thiz just by looking at me I have the pale skin condition going on? hint hint? Eih yesh she'z a fawking bitch. but eih thatz besidez the point fawk her I got bak at her with my hair smilez heh. Let'z see other thingz I did uhm woke up and like actually got a poem idea to write so I wrote something about Josh yesh b scared b very scared ;p mrow I'll put that up once I get finished writing about my bleh life. mrow, Brandonz been a mega asshole all day too. He got drunk yet again, and I could tell it. He waz such a fawking dick to me and Jamie, first he sitz up here watching porn when she askz him to come down there and simply watch a movie with him. Then he sat there making fun of her for wanting to die when she waz younger because she'd shown him some of the stuff she'd written. I'm sorry but if someone trustz you THAT much to actually want to show you something they've written you should feel pretty fawking special, because I think that a piece of a person'z writing iz honestly a piece of their soul and a piece of themselvez. I mean it haz a lot of them in it. It'z not just something trivial. He'z too much of a dumbass to understand thiz tho sighZ. Eih tho the way he waz sitting there making fun of suicidalistz it kinda then went to me. Because if you know me at all which you should if you're reading thiz, I've been there and tried that sooooo many timez itz pathetic. He waz just saying there iznt anything worth dying for. Yes there iznt anything stupid worth dying for but yes there are thingz worth dying for. Like if you really love someone and I don't mean just thinking you do, REALLY love them that meanz a lot. sighZ I really wish Brandon could grow up. Jamie and I are younger than he iz and still act more mature it'z honestly kinda sad. sighZ eih I guess that'z life for ya mrow. Hmmm eih I can't scare people any more ;/ I showed thiz guy like three of the picturez Josh took of me and he'z like you're pretty AHHHH I am NOT pretty. bad bad bad! mrow eih only certain people can say and think I am how bout that lol. mrow eih the woman who did my hair waz pretty kewl we sat there talking about thingz guyz, college, life. She told me I look like a psychology major lmfao. Eih I gotta find me a subject to analyze. . . .cutie suckling exhibition ;p mrow yesh get the cutie to come lay down on my little leather couch take off all their clothez and then I'll see what I can do. . . .lmfao yesh aren't you frightened? ;p eih wellz I guess that'z it for now

laterZ

Connected

Can't avoid it

What are you feeling

Can't help but sit

Wondering since you're not here talking

Did I lose it?

Are you not coming

Bak to find out what kept me from answering it?

Your distance iz frightening

I want you to know it

Losing my breathing

Because I'm embracing another premonition

Have I gone to the list of elimination

In one instant

Of not thinking?

I'm beginning to believe in it

And you're looking

But iz it true gazing or just glancing?

I can no longer tell a difference

I've lost it

You don't even know it

I'm going to peel it

All the way down and away

Just you watch it happen

I'll take

Myself at a rate unexpected

You won't know what happened

But I'm in the mood to bleed

I've lived az me

For far too long

Letting people cast their hostile incredible actionz

Too many timez not to know itz wrong

And I can't take it any more

I'm being pushed roughly towardz the door

I want to kiss you

I'm afraid to

What will I do

To you next

If you let me let my guard down

By slipping my warm pink tongue past your lipz

I can't resist

Not thiz time

I've been hurt by an allegiance

Of people who act like swine

For too many dayz to pledge no entrance

Against you

And the fire your pushing

Through my systemz equilibrium

I want them

To know that I'm not listening

Not to thiz thing

That makez absolutely no sense

When it'z not my job to b the one who representz

The scape goat to every single

Little problem and bickering

I'm tired of having

To hear all the flapping

Of tonguez

That move wildly like the gillz of fish

And you twisted the wordz of my mouth

Into a figment of imagination that turned to doubt

And in my mind it waz never a question

Until you manifested it into a complication

I want to end the problem

I want to solve it

I want to watch it dissolve

Back into the liquid

Back into a sphere

Belonging to a void

You won't let my intuition interfere

Silence just won't end it

Summer'z slowly turning into winter

I can feel it

I alwayz knew it

I just didn't want it

To really b all the way true

Now I can't stop it

See what you've got us into

I don't want to think of it

But I already do

So do you

You've thought of it

For quite a while now

You've just forgotten to mention it

Hoping no one would find out

I have and I did

I know it all the way down

To the last piece of flesh

I want to use you like you used me

Just to take your frustration out on in moderate interest

One final entry

I have with you to dispense

And you're going to have to deal with it unfortunately

Another fragment

I need to add to my list

You failed to tell me

About everything

Should I b surprised?

I hardly doubt I should b suspicious about it

Live in fear because you've gotten yourself involved

With a crimson frolic dressed in black that you have no clue how demented

To the core she can become

Maybe you made the wrong decision

Iz it all about my produce

Should I b warned about unwanted solliciting

Should I b scared by now and not want you to introduce

Any more of thiz somewhat exciting

But weird situation

Into my gripping

Power of attention

I need to die so seriously

But I can't go into that transistion

Black Lipstick vision

Transfusing into impurity

Because you crossed the line

When you touched me

And now I can't live without the security

Of knowing you want to see me

Of knowing you want to hear me

Iz it another fetish of my insanity?

Or iz it cruel reality?

Or iz it just a sign of my possessive sexuality

Why can't I put my finger on it vertically

Why can't you look at me

When I say I need to spend time alone

Should I have known

That it would come to b thiz way

That I couldn't abandon you that easily

You worry too much about losing me

You have me

You'll alwayz have me

You have a different effect on me

Than anyone else

And I love you unlike any of the rest of your opposite sex

Tension connected

My aura to yourz

Unlike any other force

And otherz can have me not

No matter how severed my mind becomez no other mortal can possess my thoughtz

Releasing

Sitting in the bathtub With my jewelry around your wristz Six fifty an hour just iznt enough Subconscious down the drain you just can't resist Throwing it away like the rest of your forgotten thingz I remember everything That you ever said None of that matterz Now doez it because the feelingz are dead And you treat me like your common every day minuscule Looking at me az though I'm a looking glass to look through And it'z still there every single drop You just let it go Setting it down and leaving it there az of it you'd never known

Take pleasure In making her Take pleasure In hearing her suffering You think you can kiss it all away Just by a word you say Of love But you've tainted her love By passing it through blond curlz That will never see her That will never know her That will never understand her Calling but you won't answer No you won't ever Set the space apart From meaning master And you've stolen her heart And you lick upon it You want it But for how much longer Until you release her

I want you to feel it The nail that subsidez between my hipz I want you to endure it All the agony and blisterz That have been placed upon me by all the misterz You've had your pain You've had your ministry of sirenz Who pull away But you never met one quite like the one you've been desiring And you've felt me For more than ten minutez But did it really mean Anything to you more than just a good fucking?

Chorus

I'm looking at you Through pointed eyez I want to talk to you But all I hear iz liez And you Can't let my situation come into The conversation we're having Because that'll end up bringing The spotlight off of you And your life of misery That we have to visit again and again You compare me to the actionz of men And you don't know every little thing Can you pin point why I have no reason and end up crying Can you tell me why I'm so depressing Can you answer me? I didn't think so In fact I knew you could never know

Chorus

You want to turn me into everything I'm not Because you love the way it lookz But on me it only mockz I'm just pushing myself into Your shoez When I try it on then I don't feel anything Type O blood Can't keep crossing Your and my blood Together it'z no longer working I'm not the same I'll never be the same And don't tell me you know how I feel Because you've had it rough living If so why look at me so stupidly When I tell you the way I've been bleeding The way I've been vomiting The way I've been wasting My hourz filling Them with fantasy Just simply trying To keep myself procrastinating The thing That we call life I'm about to stop Don't tell me not to I've taken it all in too I'm sick of trying to live with you Stop it JUST FAWKING STOP IT I'm sick of hearing it From now on I'm not tolerating it And beholding you I'm releasing it

Iz it a sign?
Mrow wondering if it'z a sign that the journal doez not want me to write on it just yet LoL ih the first time I tried to get to it the internet explorer kept freezing and not letting me open it to go to pitaz. Then the second time I'd basically wrote half of the entry when the whole fawking compuker just froze. Mrow everything just wantz to fawking irritate me today I suppose. Eih I'm a bit mad at myself because I didn't get up and talk to anyone. I'm pretty sure it waz because I waz catching something with the way I felt last night and then the way I woke up thiz morning. I didn't feel too grrreat yesterday either so I layed down like around five and like fell asleep woke bak up at arond nine for like maybe five minutez waz going to get up but didn't really feel like t and fell bak asleep. Then I got up went over and looked at the clock and saw it waz like five thirty three LoL. Then I layed bak down waiting and got bak up around six twenty wondering why nao one else waz getting up. I found out later it waz some fawked holiday seemz like kidz et out of skewl more now these dayz around here. Then I went over and took my birth control pill came bak and layed down some more got bak up and went and checked my mail on AoHeLL nothing that I wanted. Went to go get some picklez and an apple then got like upset to my stomach and ended up in the bathroom again. . . .fun fun. Eih I felt really bad tho cause I figured Josh probably waz looking for me last nite eih I've prolly scared him to death by now lmfao. Eih nao actually he'll get more scared once he heard everything I waz told yesterda lmfao. First off my mom waz like eih he must not like you very much since he haznt come bak over there since Tuesday. I waz like eih mom he'z werking and uhm then again we probably scared him to death. Our house iz scary specially Brandon and Jamie. Let'z see then like she tellz me to like ask him to come over for dinner Sunday and I'm like uhm nao. She'z like yeah I'm like uhm nao why? She'z like I want to meet him. I'm like uhm haven't we scared him enough? Scaring himz my job? Then later on she told me that I should take Jamiez baby because she can't take care of it more than likely and I more than likely won't b able to have kidz. But I mean really why push her responsibility off on to me? I'm not the one who doezn't use birth control and uhm then again I'm not ready yet for a child and then again her baby more than likely will b bi polar and I want one with my hair clor that I can name. Right now the namez I have picked out are Jensen Ethan for a guy and Rayna Iris for a girl. Hmm no onez on yet prolly hated shrugZ or I prolly scared everyone off lol I'm good at that. Hmm let'z see ohhhh yesh grrreat today it waz after everyone woke up. My mom and I got in a fight because I waz sick and she said it sounded like what my sisterz family had so I asked her why she bringz sick people around here when she KNOWZ i have absolutely nao immune system from doing what I've done for nearly the past year. . .eih if you're close nuff to me you'll more than likely know thiz. . .if not ask and I may tell you but I'm going to promise you'll get it out of me even with begging lol. It'z kind of become my deep dark secret I used to b pretty confident to talk about it until it started pushing people away from me and making them hate me. So I'm a keep quiet on thiz one. But eih it waz from a lo of the bull shit I've heard from people all m life and I wanted to change it so I did what I did. And shez like you can't let ne little thing rule your life that someone said She actz like shez never done it when I know she haz fawking hypocrite and eih then she basically told me that i needed to get out of here and go to louisville im like nao. I don't want to? And then I finally told her after knowing brandon, Jamie and the baby were coming here to stop taking her anger of Brandon out on everyone else it waznt fair because none of that waz our fault. So she waz like yes ma'am and left me alone finally. But eih after that I waz already upset. I wanted to go down and hide in my room and probably would if I hadn't felt so fawking bad. I wanted to go kill myself extremely badly too but eih figured it'd only hurt people I actually had reason to care about. And then I finally took my medicine, I didn't take it yesterday. That mightve been my problem dunno. mmm I've just felt so fawking strange today. Because I don't know how to act in thiz situation, I mean I like Jamie but I'mnot related to her, Brandonz not married to her and just shyeah i just all seemz like a bit much having her and the baby live here ya know? I figured she'd leave once she had him. It just feelz so fawking weird. I've felt so invisible all day too. For being pissed off my mom sure doez act nice to them. Eih I know she just took it out on me instead of Brandon because it won't make nao difference yelling at Brandon he doezn't logically listen. sighZ. mrow someone shoot me?? please?? mrow I just really want to leave fast az i can I need to go

laterZ

Only One For Me

As the thought of us being torn apart crosses, my mind freezes into a cold. forlorn, wintry palace of contemplation

As the last crushing word is spoken from your soft, wanton lips my heart cries out your name in sheer desperation

You tell me that for you I have no need

If you only knew and your mind could only concede

Exactly how much I have to see and feel you around

In your eyes I would surely and have successfully drowned

You had me won over with just one look

With one glance my whole entire world was entirely shook

I may appear to be a frosty, frigid ice queen

Quickly though the sweet, spunky, impulsive, intense, extreme kind pixy can take over the whole show and steal her scene

It may seem like that I'm only playing at a game that this whole dance of mine is merely a masquerade

But I'm not just merely a character who's there to be acted out and portrayed

My love for you means so much more

When you're not near everything's gray and it seems teardrops can't help but pour

From my sad, mystical, blue gray eyes, down my face and cheeks

My knobby knees become spastically weak

Even then the rain that beats down can't even make me happy or give me bliss

No matter what my mood is, it's always you that I miss

Just the thought of your love makes me feel totally complete

Once again you come to cross my mind my heart palpitates quickly to skip a beat

I couldn't help but fall straight from that innocent little boys smile

With your totally genuine charismatic style

I became yours in a matter of seconds

I would do whatever you beckoned

I'm wrapped around your little finger

Touch my lips longer please let you kiss linger

The glimmering moon beams envy your charming face

With your sexy, seductive walk and your sense of grace

You make me see

And I can tell that you will always and be the only one for me

Oblivion

I can not distance myself

You are the only one to have believed

That merely half of a girl

Appeciating my individuality you're the only one who's ever been able to truly see

Just what I can bring to this world

I watch your handsome face from the screen on tv

Your entrance I truly do fear

Because I know no one is truly as fascinating as they'd like to appear

We all are players on an invisible stage

A flippant character that was magically created from the artistic page

Of an anorexic magazine

Stealing a kiss in a romantic movie scene

All of us are but players who have to perform a certain role

Conducting ourselves to wear the fake masks that have each of our lives in control

I do not know exactly what to retrieve

Everything feels like a mirage so incredibly fake

When you're the boy that I want

Then I'll be the stupid girl you hate

I'll be the object that's in the way of what you want and I'll complicate

Matters even more

Still letting your tongue into my mouth to explore

I'll end up dead in the end

Another careless mistake in the back of your head

We'll end up back at the beginning my friend

Within me fire belonging to my hatred will spread

From you I can not silence myself

You are the only one to have believed

That merely half of a girl

Never considering that someone like you could possibly want me

I see your face on the street, your remarkably sexy features perfectly clear

When I'm the girl you want I'll be waiting right here

Oblivious to everything deep in thought ten thousand miles away

When I am truly yours we will have one perfect day

When you're sure that I'm the one you need I will be scheming to impress

Not afraid to say anything around you, you're the only one to whom I can express

Everything I have concealed on the inside

I try my best, but I want you to know me so I no longer hide

Behind the dark corridor of my heart

No longer caring that blindly any day I could have you diminish me and break my trust apart

I'll end up dead in the end

You're the only one I could ever love, there's nothing else left for me to pretend

With you I never really had to pose

The passion that reigned in me I know just naturally arose

Being with you the thought of playing a role

Never really occurred, because of me everything you tentatively stole

Still afraid of losing you by scaring you to the point you become distant

I know you can handle me, because you're just as stubborn and persistent

You're the only one to match my obstinance

Not backing down from your proud stance

I can feel you to my full ambiance

In all of your gorgeous essence

Laughing at myself with all of my foolish nonsense

Fantasy, impulse, spunk, and the dreams of a brazen pixy is what I represent

While you portray the heart of a thief and a daring, mischievous, roguish boy who's far from insolent

Neither one of us could really be that of which you'd call innocent

But who needs innocence?

I'd honestly rather be labeled with promiscuousness

It's much more intriguing in my interest

Licking me in every area of my body, to you I'm not able to protest

I know now I'm in far too deep

Smiling as I watch you obliviously sleep

Kissing you gently trying not to wake you, I know my heart is a piece of me you'll always keep

Even when I'm just a memory to you dead and gone

Intensely in me my love for you will unconditionally live on

Nighttime

You don't realize it but some nights I go to a hill

That overlooks the landscape's masquerade of lights for a sip of temporary silence

Again into my insane mind your image intrudes with another entrance

This feeling that I've never felt for anyone, of myself I can not dispense

Dwelling on this brink of feeling of everything I know

I can gain an eyeful of the lost atlantis and the deepest spot of your soul

The breath that fills my lungs between the starry dust of two stars

If you are now to catch a vision of this exhilaration

In the foundation of your mind or find transistence through these words

Then at the most you would not begin to understand the meaning that your handsomeness possesses and the symbolism it calls out to me

For my love is an adoration that no experience, no standard, no impediments could ever humiliate or destroy in materiality by virtue of degree

Phantom

You tell me to take care

How can I concern myself with my welfare

When you were the one responsible to look out for me and you were never there

You never had the time to spare

Nor could you afford the patience that it would take to deal with my despair

Hiding under a chair

Only worrying about the clothes you wear

Your feelings were never declared

You just kept right on having an affair

With the woman at the liquor store

You make me feel like a cheap used whore

So blind of lusting after her tits, never being satisfied always having to have more

You dont even see each piece of flesh I mutilated and tore

Hungry for any type of attention

Not caring about a consequence or intention

Just longing to be held

I sit here in my corner waiting while I dwell

Trying to forget your souls feeling but I'm locked under a spell

Yes you and I both were dreaming

Innocent victims of Queen Mab riding through our dreaming minds in her cockroaches shell

Putting ludricrous thoughts into our heads

While late at night fast asleep in our beds

Where we both were of the lover category she hit us both with cupids arrow connecting us as one

Manifestation; a lie became spun

Our kingdom did come

Thy will shall be done

In heaven as it is on earth

A renaissance of rebirth

Fear was your paralyzing feeling

My heart was on the line for stealing

From all the pain my head is still reeling

You were never alone

Accident prone

I was always right there with you at home

I was there every moment you must have not known

Yes I was somewhere else sleeping

I was your sleeping beauty

It was never your duty

To wait and wake me when I was ever so slumbersome

I know I have become cumbersome

You were supposed to kiss me on the mouth

Then taking me slowly by the hand

In the deepest end

I would stay with you always and drown

You barely ever notice when Im around

You don't truly care about me being safe and sound

I'm the one who should worry whether she'll be alone and drown

Heavy is the head that wears the crown

I was constantly there for you

My gaze takes in everything in a different view

Days briefly come to pass

As I gaze through a double sided magic wardrobes looking glass

I stay the same

I'm so afraid to make a change

Being there every minute

You were so afraid with me to make a commitment

Always making sure everything stayed the same

Maybe you were the one who was the one so afraid of making a change

I never grew tired of you

I always gazed at you in an adoring view

I still do

Of my flippant little ways you became restless and bored as each converstation became more tedious

Never playing with me like your others, acting so very devious

Never wanting me the sprite who was mischievous

Hearing another siren's voice

Looking up beckoned by the rioterous noise

Mesmerised by the attraction

Believing that from one coversation that aided as a distraction

You've found another to supply you with satisfaction

My eyes also can be diverted

By a sexy male flirt

I'd merely put my eyes back into the socket

Knowing that I'm not merely a machine to be turned on and have the wheels turned of my sprockets

I'd always take your feelings into consideration

Always asking for your approval and verification

Always feeling like I was just another personality that was put up in toleration

I was the innocent beggar who beseeched your fortune in the darkest streets

I was the doll you tried to beat

I played the part of your naive little red riding hood

While I sure was looking good

I gave you everything you could

Ever need

Licking your chops at my firm legs in greed

You believe you've seen paradise

When all you gaze at is a world of enterprise

I myself have never sipped upon the taste of paradise

I'm still waiting for the shocking surprise

I don't believe it exists in this world

The feeling of being your girl

Of being loved and accepted

Has a flavor of saliva almost as sweet as ambrosia except

You left me when arriving at the brink of a starry heaven's gate

My rage for you almost turning into hate

Not being able of you to have repulsion

Yet still knowing to approach with caution

You beg of us all to never forget

Keeping your memory alive in me is an unfair imprisonment

I can no longer be your PiXy

Holding on to the feelings that label contains is far too risky

You stripped me of every last ounce of hope I had to give

You took away my every reason to live

I know I can't stop and I must go on Even without you being here and gone

Never Never Land

Come away with me to my deserted island, that's designed for a magical paradise

Laying on the warm white sand, hours lost from endless nights spent making love, clinging to you in your arms as we watch the tropical sun rise

Please take my gentle hand

Fly away with me through the mysterious midnight sky, just over the north star and on past dawn to never never land

Lost in a phantasmal dream

Your kisses unlock a certain ecstasy that no other man's lips could ever feel as real or seem

You wear a tigerish smile of gleam

You wear that roguish, impish, little boy's look so incredibly well

Just one glance captures me with an enchanting spell

My breathing comes quickly in and out as my breasts rise and swell

To be with you is where my destination

Leads me to exact approximation

Come along through the darkness, just close your eyes and use your imagination

I can be your wicked, willful, brazen, playful pixy

However, my intentions for you involve nothing too awfully trixy

I wish to protect you from the harm of the world of harsh reality and the insane mortals

Locked away safe inside the portals

Showering you with my mystical pixy dust

Believe in yourself, just follow your heart and have faith to trust

To trust in me and my silly dreams, hopes, and wishes that are bottled up, that my enticing pixy dust contain

Forget philosophy, don't seek a reason to explain

Millions have stopped just to call me insane

But inside of you I feel a deeper connection and I know you'll be able to perceive me and truly understand

All I have to offer, and not just what I can meet at life's demand

So I could possibly satisfy the craving of your appetite

To let you grasp the center of my universe and glide upon my wings to drink of my sweet nectar of the ambrosial flowers like a moth wooing the flimsy pollen, at dawn's first light

To fall in love with me the impulsive, intense, spunky, little sprite

I love you to the depth of my soul's inner height

To slowly metamorphosis from my cocoon and never see you is to which I fear

I keep my reveries of you nigh closely near

Because each single breath devoted to you, is what I hold dear

I am the storm that sets the sea on brink

However you are the rainbow that sets in afterwards, so ultimately fascinating and colorful, despite what anyone else thinks

To belong to you is my primary instinct

My Hommie Baby
lmfao sorry I'm in an Insane Clown Posse mood so don't kill me for the title of thiz entry ;p Eih I woke up thiz morning like around nine from hearing like groaning and panting lol and then someone got in the shower. I thought it awz like mega later then nine and that it waz like my sisterz. Eih nop it waz Jamie. She waz taking a shower to try and stop her contractionz, didn't werk tho. So then I get up and go over there and she'z like going crazy from the contractionz gawd they look like they fawking hurt like hell. And I'm feeling mega sorry for her because I hate seeing people in pain and so she goez into the bathroom throwing up and I go over there to help Brandon get ready to take her to the hospital. And like he'z crying telling me he haz to see hiz paroll officer in like an hour and so I ask him if he wantz me to go along and help him and he tellz me itz up to Jamie, so I tell him to ask her soon az he can. So she comez out Brandon we gotta go now and so he askz her she doeznt care az long az we get in the car lol. So I grab my shoez and run for the door. We get there and get hre out get her into the emergency room and they get a wheelchair for her but she startz throwing up in the trash can and just really couldn't stop. I felt really bad for her ;/ Eih so one of the nursez comez over there with these little tiny thingz like cupz for her to puke in. What'z she supposed to do puke and then fling it all over the floor? LoL So they're like we gotta get you up there and Brandonz like you wanna have the baby here or up there I'm thinking Brandon you dong leave her alone she can't help it! And so they finally get her in the wheelchair and take her up to a room to have the baby get her on the hospital bed and like then take everything off of her. The nurse like even took her bra off lmfao. So they see how far along she iz and she waz almost fully dialated at like ten twenty and like they made Brandon go down and register and he had to move the car and stuff. Jamie waz going crazy asking me where the fawk iz your brother. I'm like I don't know he needz to get bak up here tho. I knew she needed Brandon. So then he came bak up and like she waz still going crazy from the pain of the contractionz. She'z begging them for like some pain killerz and they're like we really can't give you anything but like a little morphine. Wtf are they idiotz? Like thatz really going to take the pain away? lol I mean I've taken morphine it honestly addz pain and just knockz you out. Brandon later on waz asking if it waznt from like heroine I had no idea about that. Hmmm anyayz shyeah they broke her water not too long after they did all of that and she started having the baby. I got to watch her have him it waz probably one of the most awesomest thingz I've ever watched, never actually been in the room with someone az they were having it. After they got him out of her she looked at me and iz like no babiez for you I'm like okay fine by me. That honestly looked like it hurtz more than anything. It like ripped part of her vagina and stuff mrow gawd that had to of hurt. They had to put like a stitch down there mahn that must feel weird I can't even imagine. And then they let Brandon cut hiz umbilical cord. LoL it waz funny whenever he waz doing it cause he about dropped the scissorz and Jamiez like yesh itz tough hez like iz it? lmfao and so he finally got it like cut he said it looked mega nasty. Brandon waz the first one who got to hold him. I haven't gotten to hold him yet, he'z mega adorable, one of the cutest babiez I've seen. I think he lookz an awful lot like Jamie he haz like a full head of dark hair ;p Mrow he waz born at like ten forty one it only took her twenty minutez to have him can you believe that?? He weighed like seven poundz and four ouncez. She named him Joshua Eli dunno if thatz how she'z going to spell it but eih thatz how I know it lol. Mrow yeah after she had him she started dying for a cigarette wanting out of there soooo fawking bad. They were like nop you gotta wait cause she waz still bleeding quite a bit. Brandon had to leave to go talk to hiz paroll officer gawd hez such a dick. He like got mad at Brandon for being late for taking Jamie to the hospital when he waz the only one who could do it! How fawked iz that? mrow we're really hoping Brandon doeznt have to go to rehab soon we know Jamie needz him. Me like having Brandon around it'z fun. LoL yeah right az she like started having him my mom like called up there they were like hang the phone up call her later call her later lol. So Brandon tellz her that and getz off. She came up there a while later and waz like surprised to find me there lol. I waz like yep I'm here. And so then they finally came and brought a wheelchair for her to go to a private room. She had to have a private room because she'z latex allergic thatz a bit freaky lol. They closed the curtainz because she told them too and my mom like mega wanted to see him when she got there she only did it cause she had nao fawking clue what they were asking her. So the nurse who like knowz my mom from her doing her clinicalz last year on that floor let her go bak there privately and see her she broke the rulez for her ;p My mom waz like yeah hez adorable I waz like told ya lol. So then finally like Jamie'z allowed to go down in a wheelchair and smoke. So my mom wanted to go get him an outfit to come home in and some stuff for Jamie and i wazn't feeling so grrreat from the Heather yum yum pillz so I waz like I'm going with you lol We had to get Brandon food too. So we got to the mall and first went into Jc Pennyz they had like absolutely nothing small enough. So we walked down and found a really cute baby blue outfit with like turtlez on it. I saw one with a kitty on it wanted it but they only had one and it waz like for three to six monthz and az tiny az he iz nao way itd fit. The one we got for zero to three monthz iz even going to b big he could fit into the premie outfitz. So we found like the outfit, a bib, and a washcloth at Goody'z but they had like nao sockz or shoez eih they had sockz but they were like sixteen dollarz for thiz huge pack and the small pack waz like twelve we were like uhm nao?? lol. So I'm like we should go to Walmart to look for that stuff. So we go back up through the mall First she haz to go in Daweharez I hate that store so I'm like fine we go in there and really see nothing I'm like please come on because I'm feeling so sick like I'm seriously going to pass out I probably did too much and haven't been eating too grrreatly from the Heather yum yum pillz. And then we like go into Jc Pennyz and I forget how I got on to the subject ohhh yeah now I do because that morning my eyez had been twitching really bad. So I told her that and then we go in there and I ask her are my eyez grey? She'z like I dunno I waz like eih they were yesterday. So we get bak to the baby department we're going to look for like some shoez cause we had found some before when looking just no outfit. And so we like can't find them or really anything else there we saw these cute little security blanketz with bearz on them they were like ten dollarz I waz like wanting to get it but my mom said they prolly have stuff like that at Walmart so I'm like kk let'z wait Shyeah it waz like when we get bak there but she started asking me "Doez that little boiy still like you?" She waz talking about Josh I'm like yep. she'z like well hmm lol. Iz it weird that someone would actually like me or something I'm thinking. Honestly yeah it iz weird but eih thatz besidez the point. lol so then she haz to like go to the bathroom so I finally get to sit down in the chairz out by the hair salon at Pennyz with the bag of stuff and her keyz and billfold waiting for her. So then we like go out and get in the car and drive over to Walmart. We first get her like some flowerz for Brandon to give her I picked out red rosez. i like red rosez eih she likez carnationz didnt know that not like they had any anyayz. Yesh carnationz are mega pretty tho. They looked mega grrreat when I had to do my vase with them for floral design I like mixing the white and red onez. Dunno if it meanz the same az a white and red rose together which iz unity. Likez white, red, and lavendar rosez and then like red and white carnationz and then like daisiez and sunflowerz and lilacz and orchidz. Ah wellz I picked out one of my favz I guess lol mrow so then we like went to go bak to somewhere in the store I waz like go that way and some dumbass guy who waz with hiz girlfriend thought I waz talking to him when I waz talking to my mom I gave him thiz look of not you dong. She'z like ohhh I waz going to the baby stuff and then we had thiz controversy where she then tried to go to the women gownz Im like forget it go there first now. So we go there and uhm letz see what'd we go for first I think the sockz and we found like a little blue hat mittenz and sockz set. Then she went looking at gawd I don't even know what all we had to get a sheet for hiz baby bed uhm shoez which she got bootiez uhm she got him some little shirtz and I went and found a Blue'z Cluez security blanket it had Blue on it ;p me like Blue he remindz me of Tascha and Melissa since I have voice clipz of both of them being Blue and then I think somewhere a pic of Tascha with Blue ;p. Hmm and then we went and got like the pacifierz I picked those out too got the winnie the pooh onez because it had a Tigger one in it Likez Tiggerz. mrow then az of alwayz guess what I didn't get listened to! When we came in I told my dong mother to get a buggy but nao we won't need it. We so did, so i walked over to the grocery dept and got like the last one I had to take some bottled water out of it But I waz like eih fawk it mine lol. So i put my stuff in it walked bak over there with it for her I waz seriously going to pass out then I had to like seriously run for the bathroom got sick. And so then we went and like looked at the gownz and got her like a robe and then my mom went looking for her some houseshoez and told me to go look for some gripper sockz I couldn't find any. I found a pair of sockz I got tho I waz like mega freezing, so I picked out like thiz pair of thick wool sockz that are grey and black that have like little white poodle headz on the topz at the right and left of each footz sock. My mom and Jamie said they were lambz me and Brandon said they were poodlez. LoL. The blanket thingy I picked out waz from me. Then we got her some candy like stuff and I got some jolly rancherz cause I needed something but eih before we got out of there I ran for the bathroom again. I really didn't feel good. So then we went bak to the hospital and took the stuff to Jamie we go there and like I took my shoez off cause mom had brought my sockz up and like I made them take the stupid like mega hard plasticy stuff off of them and put them on and like justlaid down on the extra bed in the room like that I didn't really fawking care I felt so bad. Then some nurse comez in there so my momz like Heather get up I'm like fawking a. So then they like are asking her stuff and she tellz them that she wantz them to bring the baby in and then shez going to go out and smoke while my mom watchez him. So she'z like okay. Little while later after they finally bring him and I'd layed bak down I hear the door opening again I'm like fawking hell and get up again but eih it waz just Mary my momz husbandz ex wife'z brotherz ex wife. LoL Complicated eih? mrow so I'm like thank gawd and lay bak down. Then I just lay there while my momz like watching whatever and watching him and Brandon and Jamied gone out to smoke. So then like I sigh and he startz making noisez too lol puckerz hiz face up like hez going to cry. Mega weird lol. So then Brandon and Jamie come bak up a little while later and my mom givez him to her and shez just watching him and then we leave. And she like first stopz and getz me a chicken salad from McDonaldz and then we like go to Blockbuster to get some moviez and like end up getting Insomnia, Sorority Boyz, the Dentist 2, and Scooby Doo. The guy werking there awz such a fawking dick. Because my mom and her husband go in there and rent at different timez like when shez werking and like so she waz asking for a duplicate card where she bought their stupid spider mahn thing where you buy the movie and get ten free rentalz for the next ten weekz for thirty dollarz and like where her husband didnt have the card and went and rented one Friday nite it didn't credit it because he didn't have the card with the barcode on it. Yet get thiz they could look on the compuker and see that she had bought the card how fawking retarded iz that? I mean she told me it waz so they can count down how many youve used but eih if they can do that with the compuker and your normal free moviez after so many rentalz why can't they do it that way too. Just seemz mega fawking retarded to me. Eih I wanted to slap that guy so fawking bad he waz such a fawking smartass. So then we like go home and I like try and eat that salad. Mega bad idea it basically all came right bak up. Mrow threw up like kinda all over the bathroom so had to clean that up. Then I went and layed down and finally fell asleep. I felt like mega terrible. Then I woke up came on here and talked to Josh lol mrow can't believe he waz actually waiting for me ;p mrow feelz special. mmm missez him tho shyeah waz sitting there thinking about kissing him when watching Brandon and Jamie do that after she had the baby. mrow yesh im a dong. Eih mrow must have really either made him go insane or wayyyy too much vodka where he told me he loved me tonite mrow yep yep insane from the Heather mrow hez probably like the most sweetest person. mrow probably haznt felt like thiz for quite some time I'd say the last person I ever really felt like thiz about waz probably Will and I realllllllly extremely fell in love with him but eih that relationship never werked out shrugZ maybe it waz for the best. Mrow it just ya know feelz too good to b true sometimez that someone actually wantz to b around me Eih maybe I'm just paranoid who knowz? But shyeah me love him too. mrow wantz to see him again soon. mrow if he readz thiz prolly going to get like mega scared lol. mmm I'm tired and hungry think I may go to bed soon and just at least lay there. mmm ohhh mahn thiz guy I know named Dima who livez in New York wantz me to come up there and have a threesome with him and hiz girlfriend lmfao I don't look that good do I? Eih I showed Stephen the picturez Josh took of me he didn't get scared either I'm losing my scariness thiz sux. Someone took my job away!!! Damn them whoever they are lol Melissa prolly took it away from me. mrow kk I'm starting to sound crazy so I'm going to stop writing lol

laterZ

Need

I want you

I wonder if you could possibly want me too

I question if my love is something you really return

Or do you really want to watch my soul as it tantalizingly burns

In the fires of hell

Locked under your magical spell

Touching me in all the right spots to turn me on, the thing you know how to do so incredibly well

Taking a huge quantity of pills once again I fail

Feeling the bitter guilt of my shame

Wondering how in the hell this is the way I've became

Constantly looking for a devout answer

Turning black I know I've feasted upon your cancer

Tainted by my deliberation for desire

As you ignore me most oftenly I know of me you've grown to tire

Not knowing what to do with the collection of memories of you I've acquired

It hurts me to think that you no longer love me

Trying to change myself for you resulting in my final plea

My plea for you to stay

I try everything I have in my power to delay

Please from me don't walk away

I need you more than these words that are being spoken

Isn't the vow of my love a good enough token?

As you say your final good bye my heart is finally broken

On my sobs is upon what I'm choking

You said you'd stay forever

But forever wasn't for extremely long

When you lied

It must have meant you loved me

When you lied

It must have meant you were being tender and dear

Because when you lied

You were always here

When the truth came out

You automatically disappeared

The truth was really I meant nothing

But the truth was something you just couldn't bear to bring

Being honest was something you just couldn't handle

Leaving me at the altar just to create a senseless scandal

Hiding everything in the dark with the simple blow of the flickering light of a candle

Your lust you just couldn't dismantle

A low fidelity all star

Cutting making each stab of the blade sure to scar

I no longer can care

As I lose all of myself to the black hole of despair

If I can't have your love

Then I'd rather die and be condemned to hell, than to maybe make it possibly to heaven above

Mystique

You make me sick

Blowing me out like the wick of a candlestick

Tossing me to the wood of blood thirsty wolves so incredibly quick

Becoming so feverishly ardent when you touch me with your tangy tongue's tip

Thinking you've given me the slip

That I'm lost in the dark so you'll never have to admit

That I mean nothing, really only fulfilling the role as your melancholy misfit

Believing my love for you is unworthy and unfit

Thinking I should save the last dance now and just quit

Unable to stop of your love I've became an addict

So caught up in the way you lick my lips

But reading your thoughts I can't help but want to take every emotion I feel and slit

Them at the base of the perception

Having my sixth sense connection

I smell the scent of the cheap perfume that lingers on your shirt

I know once again you've been painting the town red as a flippant little flirt

Bringing me only a fresh new feeling of pain, neglect and deep hurt

From you I don't have the power to say no and assert

The knowledge to walk away while I still have my heart

Letting you take me down again and again tearing my pathetic world apart

Telling you all my dark, private secrets, in return all you feed me with is your maggoting rainbow of lies

Wanting to say good bye

But sucked into your game of affection, I lose my control every time I try

Thinking that you're love

Isn't fulfilling enough

Anticipation turning my legs to jello

Holding on tight never wanting to let you go

My eyes lighting up at just the sight of your name

So excited all I can do is scream and exclaim

But all I am to you is a non-existing person in hyper space

Nothingness is what I provide to the human race

Knowing there's someone else better than me

Believing I couldn't possibly see

But my soul feels it and knows

Even in the darkest alley where your face you don't wish to show

Forcing the wind not to blow

Wondering what my future bestowes

Am I an ugly duckling who will transfer into a swan

Am I merely your wonderful despicable weapon, you're primitive playing pawn?

Spinning around on the back of a horse attached sternly to a carousel

Kissing me passionately upon my pink lemonade lips once again capturing me in your enchanting spell

You make me sick

Knowing I'm not the only one, wanting you and hating it

Hurting every individual involved

Strangling myself putting myself in the ground, the open mouth of my grave with everyone's problems solved

Transforming into the intriguing image of a unicorn

Hiding in the mystical woods as recluse from the world that's so torn

Watching the intrusive squirrels hunt for acorns

Surrounding the lake the magic of my essence

Feeling your stormy prescence

Intruding into my private sacred little haven I flee quickly away

A part of my curiosity begs me to stay

To let my wild spirit to become tame

Reminded again of the taste of your bitter shame

Not being able to hold the weight of your stare

Wondering why with you I have the inability to scare

When upon any other individual it works perfectly fine

The law of nature inhabits my formation to define

Hiding behind the branches of a tree made from pine

Trying not to let you catch on to my scent

Not wishing to give one single clue or hint

Doing my best to cover the footprints of my trail

The fog of the smoky air my lungs inhale

Setting out on a stupid mission that I desperately hope not to fail

Attempting my best to be unnoticeable and under the violet of the moonbeams twilight disappear

Losing my touch at the strong connection I inhabit of having you close and near

Filled with an inescapable fear

As I know I've been caught by the woodsman's trick

As I feel the scrape of the needles prick

Wounded not being able to resist your tender caressing care

With you my mind is something I don't wish to share

Not being able to keep the boundaries of my soul locked

Tasting you the flavor so sweet, I'm hyperly shocked

Transforming me back into the body I truly own

Lost in a world that to me is unknown

Trying my hardest to fight it

But your power is too strong, losing even though I resent it

Giving in to a mindless self indulgence

Wanting to forget this night ever happening, losing it in the seeds of remembrance

Not being able to forget the fact of totally losing my innocence

Filled with an emotion for only you that grows so intense

Needing your aura around so immense

Of you I can't dispense

So is what I feel truly love?

Or is it just the hex of some wicked curse

Expecting for the worse

To take its course of the evening

Waiting for the truth I know how incredibly deceiving

The heart can be

So what is it that you won't reveal

Why must you always conceal

Everything you feel when I can express anything I feel around you

Wanting to know if anything in the world is true

Not being able to kill the last bit of faith inside of me that from you rests

Knowing for you I'm not the best

But no longer being able to remember the consequences

Not caring what good or evil represents

Lost in your sexy, roguish eyes

The thought of losing you makes me want to cry

But I know I have to keep my hope to the last piece

Shamelessly kneeling down at the altar on my knees

Bargaining my soul for just one sample, one simple kiss

One single moment in the full paradise of bliss

My mind, body and soul do intently insist

So from you I have no way of confining myself to resist

Not having one drop of purity left

Becoming evaded in the dimensions of your depth

Disease

Wondering what I could have ever possibly of seen in you

Sneaking around after hours, hiding beneath the shadows of the dark so I'd never have a clue

Selecting any willing candidate of the female species to spread her legs for you to usefully screw

I always knew there were others, I could feel it with my sixth sense

Leaving behind just enough evidence

Giving me all the proof I need for you to be corrupted

Sorry if I might have interrupted

The cruel, deviant, little game

You tentivily enjoyed to play, as I took all of your blame

While every person's heart you stole

Scared now that I'm the one in control

Why waste my time, to the devil your soul has already been sold

You're inter twined web of lies are beginning to unfold

Now that I know the truth you're not so bold

Don't speak those words of love

I'm not that naively dumb

I know it was a lie

Hold you close like we both died

My ever present suicide

A stupid fuck

I supposedly was going to be your blushing bride

There's nothing left for you to hide

Hating myself for having obeyed and to your laws I'd abide

I made your sordid bed

The one each of your wasteful whores had laid in

Then I accompany you to it, laying there even until your faith became dead

Comtemplating the reason why each thing was so untrue that you plainly said

Begging me to understand that each girl you fucked was just merely a mistake

Seeing through your pitiful act, that's so completely fake

Instead of making me listen to your blasphmous confession

Please burn me at the stake

I'm sure it would make a gorgeous display for the sporting concession

Witch hunt, witch cunt

Let me make myself blunt

You and I are through

You'll get my message once I'm finished complaining about me and you

Envying your demolition of demise

Staring at you knowing you prevaricated since you can't look me straight in the eyes

Welcome to the lonely hearts club band

I really hope you enjoy my show

I used to be your number one fan

Don't try and flatter me with sweet words, because I already know

Just what lies behind the words you speak

But you betrayed me when the competition of my career was at it's peak

You left me with the feeling of abandonment

Once again I'm searching for divine companionship

Really quite sick of trying

Don't you dare accuse me of spying

I wouldn't have had to of found out from another girl or conspire

If you had only been truthful of your false and lustful desire

You're such a little liar

Despising myself even more for not being able to resist

As I melt to the feeling the words you speak make me feel, since with your love is what you persist

Just another groupie left in the background, having tasted the star's kiss

The honesty that we once shared is the attraction I really miss

Saying of me is what you eat, breathe and sleep

Cutting into my veins ever so deep

What's the use of trying to count sheep?

When there's nothing left to dream

There's nothing left for you to redeem

Because no matter how much you say you'll never do it again

Of you I'll never be able to fully trust

Open to a life of sin

Away from you, is where I must

Try to make myself stay

Because I never again want to portray

The part of your personal whore

As you're banging it on the bathroom floor

Not wanting this realm of fantasy and pain, anger is the emotion I implore

From your ruthless kisses my mouth is becoming sore

My love for you will change if you hurt me any more

It will become less

I can't handle all this strengthening stress

I won't be merely the masochist toy of your changeful interest

You failed my easy test

When your dick in her pussy was pressed

I'd love to chop it all off

Your pretexts I scathely scoff

I don't wish to hear your weak excuses

All I was to you was a little scout for you to abuse

Every time I try to love you and forget, each thought comes back into my mind to intrude

Maybe the way I feel and act makes me a prude

But I can't seem to any longer care

Because each piece of my soul and heart you broke, you have no means to repair

And my mind any longer does require a few small adjustments

Wanting to rip out your poisoned intestines

Your kind of species is worse than the fleas that possess dogs to graciously feed

Of the rotting skin that is the foundation

Running away from you each time you try to approach me with solidary intrepidation

Leaving you alone to face your own infestation

Too ashamed to see anyone else from my violation

A wounded rock star

Burned to the ground as you eat the ashes and char

To get away from all the anguish I'll just leave

To nurse my broken heart, and to drown out all of my grief

Hoping once again to find some reason to have belief

Because I've lost my last piece of faith

There's nothing you can say or do to save

Me from instantly dying

Go ahead keep on trying

If that's what you wish to do

You're the devil so go on and screw

The last few

Who may actually have some innocence left to give away

Because you hungrily took away mine, as it's internally decayed

Knowing you need to be neutered and any girl who's had you spayed

So the disease we all inhabit can't be passed on to the next one

So no one else will ever become a dispensed victim of your trickfully fatal fun

One bite turning each of us eternally into a vampire who can no longer witness the sun

Having listened to the son of a spawn

Turning to dust as the sky turns into dawn

Tainted and bruised as I'm left to lay beaten out on your front lawn

Hung up upon a cross

Telling me it's my fault, that our love became lost

I know that someday, some individual will have their vengenance

I'll do my best to help, no matter what the cost

Diminished

You left me stranded in the parking lot Gone kissing and you got caught Drifting back and forth inbetween Your ex girlfriend and me You don't see me But I know you and I see everything You think you've got it nice and neatly tucked away And you're not going to say Not going to reveal anything We kissed in your car on Tuesday But you left me sitting there Underneath the moon of Diana'z blond silky hair And you kissed the salty taste away But on my lipz your scent stayz And you don't know No no you don't know it Not yet And will you let it Transfer into something more Or will I b stuck with another liar?

You're staring Trying your best to get under my skin Why do you want to b under it Why do you want to know everything about it When more than likely in fifteen dayz you're going to abandon it You want to screw thirteen women Iz it just to piss me off? Or because you need them? Can you answer it? I highly doubt it You'll probably just make something up So you can hide it Bury your lust Deep down inside And you won't permit to all me dumb But I know what I am all too well And you just want to lick the rawhide Because you have no one better to do Did I misunderstand you? When you said you wanted more than to just screw?

Have I done it again? Fallen into the same trap twice The one where you suffocate me in To thinking that I love you when your eyez Are doing all the pulling in Because they're staring back at me and lying Profusely misleading me Because you want to strike back at me for being so confusing And I don't understand you Any more than you understand me I just tell myself to avoid you You've already got me And you don't know it now do you?

Chorus

You like looking at me But why I don't understand it I could blind anyone so fawking easily And you just sit There staring at me Like you're mesmerized But how can something so ugly Make you that interested How can something that freaky Make you want to lay with it in your bed You don't make sense And should I continue drowning myself in thiz pretense? It won't last You and I both know it So let'z just get it All the way over It'll go faster If you just admit you don't want to get any closer JUST DO IT JUST SAY IT!

Chorus

Why do you want me Why do you say I have so many qualitiez When I can't seem them Never have been able to decipher them Into one basic thought And I jsut can't believe it Why do you want me When I've honestly got nothing Scary little bitch dressed in gothic clothing And you're still staring? WHY? Are you just pretending If you are I can take it I just want to know now before complicating Matterz any more worse than thiz Come say it I wanna hear it Say that you don't want me Say that you're using me Come on don't deny it I've been there and tried it I've inhaled it Into the palest of combinationz And then broke it All over again just for the manification And you don't seem to want to finish it So why are we here I'm growing impatient You can diminish it If you want to Go ahead I dare you But you won't now will you You're too scared to now aren't you And I'm nothing special So don't try to act like you care if I lose Myself and turn back into a piece of metal

Sticky Sweet
mrow I'm bak on the compuker finally fun fun stuff eih? Mrow eih I've had like sooooo many people either im me nad say hello or talk to me when I imed them I think people have missed me lmfao. I haven't felt much like coming around when people are on, I'm usually feeling sick from the birth control pillz and then I'm just worn out shrugZ. Could b where I can't eat all that well where those bitchy thingz make me sick. Eih I hate my body. Mrow hmm what have I been doing the last few dayz to b honest I don't remember the last time I wrote. So I'll go from Sunday lol I didn't go to bed for like ever and then like got up sick threw up a couple timez. Finally started to feel better so I got up and got in the shower got dressed az gothically az I could to go scare people ;p Tried to get a ride with Donnie up to around there not there. So then I asked Brandon to take me. He said he had like nao gas money, so I'm like uhm that'z not a problem I'll give you the money for it. So like he drivez me up to the mall and like I go in there and walk around for a bit. I have to go over to Hastingz to b there around eight to meet Josh who yes did scared so ;p And then we stayed in Hastingz for a while I waz sitting there looking at a mega stupid Teen People issue with nothing at all in it. We talked for a bit let him stare at me so he could get scared more. Let'z see then we left and went out got in hiz car drove over to Blockbuster and got like the last Hellraiser movie. Then we tried to go bak to my house but got just a bit lost in the middle of no where lmfao. It'z a wonder the evil KoRn children didn't get us lmfao. Hmm so then we found some secluded place and like uhm then shyeah started making out and stuff lol. Shyeah never done anything like that in a car before lmfao. mrow hmm then we went bak to town and someone waz hungry where I wore them out lmfao go me. And like uhm like went to McDonalz and like the first time we go through he like tellz the womahn what we want and so we pull around and she'z prolly like scared of us specially with me in the car lmfao and like so he goez to get hiz wallet can't find it. And iz like hmm wondering where he left it then he waz like you're not a klepto are you ha ha not hardly. LoL someone wanted to think I took their wallet shyeah I have my own wallet in my purse so why would I want hiz? lol anyayz shyeah then we go driving around while hez thinking lookz in hiz bak pocket and there it waz lol. Shyeah he thought I waz trying to play a trick on him eih nahhh don't want to b that mean. Even tho I gotta find a way to get him bak for the icky scary ass picturez he took of me that he won't get rid of grrrrowlz. So then we go bak to McDonaldz get whatever and then he took me over to see hiz house we just like passed it on the way to myne. So we get to my house go in and he got to see my scary scary room. And everyone az dongishly az they are went looking for me because they thought I'd gotten myself into another bad situation cause I suck!! And so then like we go in there to watch the movie I had to take him up to the bathroom I start getting interrogated by my mom so im like answering whatever. Then we go bak downstairz and then I'm like deciding where to watch the movie, pick Brandon'z room. Let'z see find out therez nao vcr down there have to go bak upstairz get that come bak with it. We plug it up like right then Brandon and Jamie get home and I hear them coming down the stepz. So I really quickly like run over there and ask if it'z okay if we watch the movie in there and hez like sure I don't care ask'em if they wanna watch it with us and stuff. So then we go bak over there they decide to play pool for a while everyonez over there acting mega retarded. So then a while later Brandon and Jamie come over to where we are Brandon started acting like the biggest nerd/dong I've seen for quite some time lol. First off they like watch the rest of the movie with us and hez just acting mega nutz with Jamie lol. Then the movie endz and like they start arguing and I'm like just sitting there saying stuff probably being mega scary lol mrow and then Brandon haz to play the guitar for us and get the snake out AHHHH i hate snakez ;/ mrow and then like I turn around and Jamie and Brandon are like facing us theyre like fighting over the game snake 2 lol trying to beat scorez dongz. Then like they go upstairz for a while and I like lay on Josh'z chest poor person lol and like stay there for a while and they come bak down with some moviez and Brandon haz to start saying hez just a donkey and I can't stop laughing my ass off. So then like shyeah we just all start getting tired and itz like around three thirty in the morning and so I get up to hug Josh good bye lol ended up doing that prolly like three or four timez downstairz. So I'm like asking if we're watching Cat'z Eye or not Brandonz like nao. So I'm like kay I'm going upstairz. So I walk Josh bak up there and like then say bye to him up there too get to b hugged like a bunch more and like kissed mrow yesh would have to say likez the tongue thing. mrow and then he left and I went and layed down on the couch and thought about stuff til I fell asleep then I had to get up and get dressed because Teresa did not take the movie bak the night before and it had to b bak by noon so Im like finnnne. I so didn't want to get up we had monster and Elmira like practically the whole freaking day. So then like I have to go to the gynocologist to get my papsmear done I waz feeling like mega sick. So my mom got me like some sprite ended up just throwing everything bak up when we got to the doctorz parking lot lol. And then like we went home and I fell asleep for quite some time. Then like around 1 am Tuesday morning like i call him and like a while later he comez and pickz me up so I snuck out of the house in the middle of the night to go over to hiz house lol Aren't I bad?and so then we drive bak over to hiz house and like uhm get out go in and see hiz doggy hez cute lol. And then we like go into hiz room talk for a while start making out and stuff again lol. mrow and someone had to eat Heather'z icky meow meow I tried to tell them itz poisonous but did they listen NAO lol. And so then we do that for a while. lol kinda likez that about any way now mrow. Hmm then we like talked some more and got ready to go to bed I like just layed there in hiz armz and on hiz chest for like four or five hourz lol. LoL we prolly scared hiz mom to death when she had to hear my icky moaning and she walked in when I'm like laying there not covered up at all in my bra and pantiez lmfao if that had been my mom I would have so been dead. mrow shyeah a lot of the time watched someone cutely sleep lol. mrow hmmm shyeah then like got basically woken up by having my neck sucked on mrow I prolly have hickeyz all over my neck lol. And then we go at it again of course lol. Heiy itz not a bad way to start the day tho, even tho it kinda wore me out eih I guess az much az stuff happened the last couple of dayz could b why lol. hmm and so then we finally got up and got dressed and the dong had to take picturez of me lol yesh get rid of those scary thingz. Hmm and then we went to go take me to the doctor her dropped me off gawd that took for fawking ever and like basically nao fun lol. Then like come out and we're like just talking and playing around and he lookz at me and iz like omg you have grey eyez. I'm like eih? Cause my eyez would go to grey a looooong time ago and I hadn't seen it for some time. So i look I'm like yep they're grey weird. So someone haz to keep staring at my eyez and playing with my handz lol. hmm and then we like drive up to the mall to see if there'z anything good playing at the moviez. We're in Richmond so of course not lol. So we're like walking up to the entrance of the mall and hez like so what are we I'm like eih? He'z like are we dating or what? I'm like uhm you tell me? LoL should I b the one deciding thiz? When I'm sure with a male asking itz prolly thinking uhm no lol mrow i know a guyz mind wayyyy too well. hmm so shyeah that waz just weird. Then like I just get mega tired so I just ask him to take me home so I can sleep. mrow so we get to my house and like can't really say good bye lol can see a pattern of thiz over the last few dayz lmfao. mrow likez holding Josh and stuff and then like uhm shyeah kissed a couple of timez and stuff mrowww it'z cute lol. mrow thinkz hez cute sighZ mrow and eih I think I confuse him too much itz just I don't like telling people everything about me any more I like having some mystery and then if I tell everyone everything it kinda defeatz my purpose of not giving myself fully to anyone. I guess I should just really learn not to expect anything to grrreat but heiy itz all good just az long az therez fun involved I don't know if I'm really ready to b with anyone yet I'm honestly still kind of paranoid about thingz. shrugZ I'm a dong. anyayz nuff said gonna go

laterZ

Erect Dysfunction

Toy for the playing You don't love me You were only using me And I'm sick of you Sick of all your kind I'm starting to hate you And you don't know because you're so blind Heiy I'm talking to you Don't you dare go I've had it with you Now your shallow ass iz going to know

You sabotaged my existence To represent myself az a woman To want you How could I? With all that you Have done-Why Would I try to feel anything for you? I want to watch you die slowly I want to watch the breath sucked out of you You never once thought of me Did you Thought you really felt me Why do you have to Mistreat me until I feel repulsively ugly GO I WON'T FAWKING STOP YOU I WANT YOU TO Take your cowardly erectiley dysfuntion ass and leave Sick up to my gillz dark angel fish can't breathe

You thought you'd pull a fast one Thought you'd get away too Thought I waz too dumb To ever see right through you And your stupid little act Well guess what Jack Watch where you walk Because Jill iz coming back And I won't listen to your screamz I'll act like they mean Exactly what you did to me Go on scream your heart out I never meant nothing And now your agony Will mean the same to me

Chorus

Act like you have no idea what you took part in Lie and say it wasn't you Say no that was my cousin Fuck you I don't need you you'll only lead to my ruin And I never loved you I waz stupid for caring You made me do it You know you did it By acting like you had the least bit of interest Only to lie LIE LIE LIE I'm so sick of watching you I'm going to hit you You just watch You think it'z so hysterical don't you Will you think it'z so hysterical when I knee you in the crotch?

Chorus

You pissed me off Nothing more nothing less You think I'll end it all Showz how much discipline you think I've got I won't let you take me out No I won't lose to a little juvenile who doesn't even count Think you've got talent Streaming from your fingerz Don't make me listen to thiz You were never worth it And you'll never understand love Child who think'z he haz it so awful You'd never witnessed morbid Until you laid your eyez upon me You gaped and then blinked At how mistrewn my dark cape Fell over my head And when you took the time to lift it All you saw waz my emptiness BLANK EMPTINESS SURPRISE YOU TURNED ME INTO MISERABLENESS And all you thought of me waz a joke A fawking cheap piece of plastic Breakable for your amusement I'm going to give you something to smile at You retarded delinquent I hope they never let you out I hope that you dismount Yourself tomorrow Because I want to kick you hard when you're down

Mister Tyger

Mister tyger

You leave me here

Sitting and wondering

Who you are

What you are

Mister tyger

Do you love her

Or are you just fooling her

Like all the otherz

Don't feed me liez

Dear please remeber

I'm miss leopard today

I could b miss panther tomorrow

But my tyger iz what you'll remain

Courage iz something I respect

From cowardz I refrain

And I'm not your millipede to disect

Battle cat with an offering no man could ever refuse

Doez it matter to you?

Can you tell me please

What you think of me

What made you lie to me?

Don't hand her

The simplest line you can use to hit on her

I love you

DO YOU HEAR ME

Damn you

I still fawking love you

You still have the center of my attention

Thank you?

Don't mention it

Not like anyone ever haz before

You're not the first and you certainly won't b the last

To say please, thank you, and I'm sorry when you're

Only going to lie to me some more

Tyger Tyger

Your ego'z getting bigger and bigger

Tyger Tyger

Eyez full of anger

I want to kiss you

But will you tell me did you sleep with her?

Did you drown in her

Like you did me

Waz it all just another set up?

Lied to so many timez I no longer can hold my head up

I want to feel it

But can I trust it

Can I trust you?

How do

I ever know

What and how

To exactly feel

Tell me won't you now

Tell me before the graveyard losez it'z appeal

Don't let me stop you

From walking on

Don't let me stop you

Just because the guilt my eyez have laid on