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entry title: here it comes again sitting and staring at the screen, i think i should have stayed home. i predict a louzy day. first day of march and everything seems to be out of perspective. of course the first thing i ever got to encounter this morning is a little post it message on my door from Kayote, telling me that summer vacation is around the corner ~__~ i wonder why he's so excited, it's not like he's going to enjoy it...I take it that St. Benilde doesn't have extended vacations since they operate on a trimestral basis. And my god, Crow is in college already, mymymy...Crow is going to be a chef, that's what he always wanted to be and CCA is a prety good school, finally...*glomps Crow, kisukisu* now setting things back into focus, i was tampering with my Bose CD player, since i got my PC some years ago i've neglected the other things in my room, so yesterday i felt the need to tamper with it, i forgot how loud it could get, i found out too late when Kyo was literally pulling my eardrums with his loud screaming thingy, uhm...don't listen to Deity when you're about to sleep, i got images of a giant worm ~__~...Kaokao stop playing with my head. *sniffles* i'm almost done with the tenth and final part of IGIC, it's not a resolute ending, it's pretty much something that the reader would just like to resolve for his/herself...i couldn't end it happily nor tragically, so i opted for something more realistic. Kayote hated it, but i'll stick to my guns and just go write the final touches. This fic bothers me, but i don't think it's impossible. as i was writing IGIC, i noticed how attached i am to Kaoru ~__~ he's like my new Brad; since i rarely go out of my way to even read WK fics or open my artbooks anymore...Kaoru to me is like brad was to me then, which means i put him on a pedestal yet again. i should stop doing that, but hide says *HI-HO* whatever...is this a set up, i hope not; at least i'm not in RP anymore, and since i quit i guess things have mellowed down for me. *stifles really loud scream* YUAN!!! you posted it! *kisu,kisu* if it turn out to be a lemon between Pata and hide, i'm gonna faint in bliss...XD it's like this equation > hyper lemon rocket X lazy pice of meat < WHOA! *whispers to Yuan* i'll try my darndest best not to be mean to Kaokao this time. i guess he just reflects the way i treat myself;but that's changing. Let's just live forever. Razzy, i vacuum packed the package XD i sent you stuuff, heee i hope you like them XD i was going to send you Chippy, but the bags were too bulky...I'll just bring some when i get to have my vacation...in this lifetime ^^;;; Die's being the most aggressive muse here, but Totchi was never known to backdown 0___0 they're starting to rip my hair out of my skull, i need to get Kaoru out of that come >.> Kaokao...save meeeee ~__~ i miss Inoran, someone's been saying pretty bad tings about him and his new band Fake...i don't even want to reply, since the writer statedclearly that it was his opinion...an opinion he could have put across with more educated terms, and not attack anyone specially the Inoran fan girls which he specified oh so cruelly...he claims to be a grown up, i read him as a retard, whatever. my take on his *poser* accusation is that Inoran's not a sell out, he's in this *punk* band so at least he should dress up for the part, not for anything, but for image, and visual effect, nothing else - to sell records and all that - but is Fake actually punk?? I don't know... i thought that my Inoran obsession was stronger than my Kaoru obsession, i was wrong though, and at the middle of making Destinations, i wanted to stop and concentrate on Kaoru's site; but this has been my weakness since time began and i think i'll stick it out with Inoran...and when i'm done there, i'll proceed with Kaoru's...wai~__~ decisions, decisions. oh my look at the time...i have to run, but not to mention people i'm missing...Kako *huggles*, Zara-chan write me and Gambatte for getting into UCL (London) and qualifying for an Edinburgh slot *huuugs*. O.O baibai....dressed in yellow on, 3-1-2002... entry title: before sleep Razzy, NMajik...I miss you both, sorry if i haven't been online, i needed to spend time with my dad, hoping that i'd find the guts to tell him how much hemenas to me...face to face, i wasn't able to say it, i failed in that aspect. I'm just hoping he knows, and was able to read my actions what i falied to say in words...*__*; *hugs NMajik*, it won't be long, graduation's just around the corner, then you'll be in college. Your whole life right in front of you, i'm proud of you, very proud. *clings to Razzy*, thank you imouto, for everything, i only wish i could do more from where i am, make things better ~__~, *hugs*... and i was reading your latest entry; that dream of yours is alarming if literally taken, please - be careful - *send hide and spread beaver army for protection* XD. Yuan-niichan, i accomplished something today XD I was able to vacuum pack 7 pairs of socks O__O the relevance of that statement is beyond me...I just had to tell you *HUGS* and thank you for sending me "Live Forever"...it's wonderful. Thank you. Hakuei's being sentimental, and i feel like crying...AGAIN...this is getting to be pychopathic, gomen. Oh ^^;; and IGIC 10 will come soon...sooon as Hakuei decides to be nice to me. Razzy-san I can't get it out of my head...Hakuei singing "I want you to want me..."....hooooo boy >__<;; "i want you to bang me..." and then my mom comes in O__O; *whacked* ouch...but still it plays on...Hakuei hates me XD...dressed in yellow on, 2-28-2002... entry title: today... and it's finally here. february 28. i hate this day. and as this day draws to a close, all i can really remember is my father, kissing my forehead, saying good bye. he thought i was sleeping. in truth i was just so fucked yp, scared of crying, scared of letting him see my tears. so i faked sleep. all that i wanted to say is still here inside me. no, not the things i had to tell him...i had said all of that, the way i felt hurt and all the shit. i said everything except the most imprtant thing i have to offer him...that...i love him so much and i respect him and even if we don't see eye to eye he's still my father and the one who's opinion counts the most... parting someday ...dressed in yellow on, 2-28-2002... entry title: away rolls the spiny lemon have nowhere to go they can't even hear the sound of the heavy, pounding rain turning their backs on each other, they walk to a place they go to their footprints vanishing, one after the other turn me into a memory and go to the new ocean from my heart I wish you happiness there is happiness beyond the tears but you aren't there beyond the tears we won't be seperated I don't want us to be seperated, but your words pierce deeply through my heart don't you see? we won't be seperated I don't want us to be seperated, but the waves erase your footsteps again, one by one with the changing of the seasons it's too late, but I want to hold your hand one more time in the changing of the seasons meeting someday parting someday and meeting with you ~ "undecided" by Dir En Grey See, he remembers nothing, the ray of light disappears and Can not come out, my weak past something to gain but at the same time kindness slips away The answer that is always given is when you die you can rest My heart is closed up and I feel it crumbling down I try not to cry and scream everyday That believing is powerful My own heart killed me ...dressed in yellow on, 2-26-2002... entry title: just give me a pillow and i'll sleep it off... i missed a couple of days in blogging, and i have quite anumber of mail, both pesonal and related to work that i have to reply to...my head is just not working right. i'm terribly sleepy and i'm tired. i don't know why but i am, though when you look at it, i did absolutely nothing this past few days save the usual. i'll try and recount the days, much easier that way. FRIDAY - well spent the whole evening at Grilla's. a very nice place with yummy food and the best watermelon shake i've ever had. it was one of those nights that i completely appreciated being with people, because i just needed a good laugh, and some smokes. joanne, geegee, etc. were all there includinf THE big boss himself andy alcid *__* joanne brought me home...my mom was waiting for me as usual, and i slept like a log as soon as my back hit the cushions. SATURDAY - i slept the whole day, woke up for a good three hours to shower and watch "Time and Tide" starring Wu Bai *swoon* (nope Nicholas tse did nothing for me in that film, he's absolutely just eye candy, but he can't act >__<, Wu Bai on the other hand's awesome, not eyecandy but is oozing with sex appeal *__*) and well i went back to sleep after that. SUNDAY - spent the whole day at home, had a nice chat with Razzy and her wonderful niichans and niisans XD it was fun and i was able to read about a wonderful photobook on Malice Mizer...the day would have been perfect, save one incident that threw me off my rocker and i'm still upset over it. Razzy, thanks for being there. also, NMajik wasn't around ;____; made me sad and lonely, but when i read her Blog today XD wai she's back! i'm dreading the next 9 days she'll be gone. BUT she's listening to "Am I Wrong" wai! Yuan-niichan wrote and i just got to be all misty again...niichan's making me cry, and laugh at the same time, she made cool certificates! for the hide race ;p TODAY - it's a holiday and i spent it sleeping and i expect to do more of that, as i yawn again and againa nd again... exciting neeeee ~__~? Kayote and Crow are here, they were making a project for school and i lent them my PC, i don't feel like working tomorrow...but i trust that it's payday, so it'll be cool, hopefully. *nods off* gone....dressed in yellow on, 2-25-2002... entry title: the normal me if you believe that i have a normal side then you're don't know me very well *chucklechuckle*. there has been some problems with my ISP which means i get choppy connections that annoy me to hell. i was talking toKako-chan, Gilli and Koyuki when i was suddenly booted from AIM. so sorry, i din't mean it, i'll be good, you guys can blow my head off like raspberry jam ^___^;; until now i cannot get in the friggin' message system. which leaves me practically bored to death since there's not much to do here in the office. okay, i miss NMajik and Razzy i haven't talked to NM for a good 18 hours and haven't seen Razzy in days *sniff* ohohoho i'm whining aren't i? oh well! Rence i'm done with the Trigun review i'm just hunting for a good scan because i don't want to scan this CD cover myself ><;; it takes time and i'm laaaazy ~~~ busy beee ;p last night my mother and i decided to bring out this old DVD we've been keeping John Carpenter's "Vampires". it's not the traditional romantic frazzle dazzle of a vampire story, the vampire here has no euro acent to lure helpless girls into his grasp, he is way rough and has that lowdown feel, majorly unromantic, downright gory it's a fall away from the traditional, in other words: very nice. and it's set in the desert too, how far from traditional can you get? Brechnev and i will be going to the vet tomorrow, he's going to get his anti-heartworm shots, and i'm going to go to my mom and ask for money XD i have to go and try to upload another part of IGIC, and write back to Yuan and Zars.....Gone....dressed in yellow on, 2-22-2002... entry title:Braiding~~~right!  A person's limbs and joints were shattered, then their now-mushy limbs were braided through your wheel-spokes. Still alive, they were left to die in this fashion, either from starvation or heat/cold. Oh, the humanity! What a temper -you- have! What torture would you be? ...dressed in yellow on, 2-21-2002, 2:35PM... entry title: and this is the day after so it goes...and it goes...and then you realize it's over. okay, the parents have finally renewed their vows, and i was able to get through it without even crying. not that that's a surprise but well these are my parents ^^; i made it, and survived to tell about it. i'm happy. i became even happier because when i opened my mail...i got two letters from Yuan-niichan, it's always refreshing to read letters from yuan, we talk about hide like there's no tomorrow and then we share the oddities that only hide-addicts have >__< i better not start with hide...it'll depress me. seems like we both have the "i miss hide" syndrome...gah! *goes all eye buggy swirly* i'm addicted to BERRY...i didn't mean it i'll be good i'm going to kill you i'm going to blow your head off like raspberry jam..." ...dressed in yellow on, 2-21-2001... entry title: Frail beyond recognition another pointless title...but my day's just beginning and i'm drinking tea and mentos is the only solid food that i've taken in...*if you can call it that* my parents are getting married or as they'd like to put it renewing their vows tomorrow. well that makes me happy, that also makes me rather self-conscious, 24 years ago i was born, my mother had me when she was 23, and right now i'm in a brooding stage i want kids, man i want a baby boy. i don't want a partner or so, i just want kids...but then again my mood could change by tomorrow (so i really should be careful of what i wish for ^__~). my allergies are again coming out, and it has been confirmed, i'm allergic to Brechnev....OF ALL THE GODDAMN MISFORTUNES >_____< THIS ONE I CANNOT TAKE! I mean how could i be allergic to my dog whom i've had for like 5 years of my sorry life HOW!!!??? it's my goddamn skin asthma and well I am annoyed, so he gets to sleep on the couch now, not in my room anymore ;___________; it breaks my heart to hear him pawing at my door...these times make me HATE myself. Razzy, hang in there okay. falling apart, or even the cracking of your mask will never matter to those who love you dearly, they make you more human, and even if it is annoying to be vulnerable, your online family as well as your friends (this includes me) will never let anyone hurt you. Well I gotta run, works starts in exactly 17 minutes.Depth they'll never find Seemed to be some comfort In rooms I try to hide Exposed beyond the shadows You take the cup from me Your dirt removes my blindness Your pain becomes my peace ~ Jars of Clay, "Frail" ...dressed in yellow on, 2-19-2002... |
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*an excerpt from my favorite hide song, and also the song i call my image song. just read it, it maybe a counter point/spin off from Misery but the dynamics of this song made it a winner in my book, it's such a melancholic song. i love it. this song; a gift from my dear friend Razzy.
Link to this site using this URL: http://lemoned.pitas.com have fun criticizing and reading...if life gets you down just sing, just embrace the sadness then let it go.
Thank you to Pitas.com for providing the playground. To my friends and family online, you know who you guys are, I don't have many friends online but it's not about numbers, it's the faith you have in me, the undying support and your words that keep me going. And my online family, wonderful sisters and brothers that helped me realize, I'm not - never alone. To my real life friends and family ~ I'm a pain to keep up with, but I thank you for staying by my side. Brechnev, hunny I luuuuurve you so much. Lyrics belong to their rightful writers, no copyright infringement intended, Lemoned @ pitas = 2002 "Stay free my misery"
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