- lemoned : by choice [v.1]
- *break out the rock*
entry title: what to write, what to write, what to wriiiite XD
last night i got out of bed and was eager to ask my dad about something, i was so sure that the TV was still on which means he's up and watching some silly Filipino comedy, holding his tea cup and all that. okay...i got out there, my toes practicaly froszen to the cold marble and it was all black >__<;; daddy was sleeping already. i felt downcast after that, but like all things that bring me down, this one only made me stronger and much more insane...i mean what's a key for right? i got the house keys and like four pillows from my room, went inside my parent's room and set up between them. you could practically hear them both laughing in the dark, but in turn i had a good night's sleep.
i was watching Beat Motion yesterday (sunday) and saw La chryma Christi on TV...they're actually very good, hehehe specialy their cute drummer, which i've been told is named Levin (very nice name as well). i'm one of those odd individuals who go fic hunting always *___* and in all my expeditions I've discovered someone so good, and sooo awesome, her name's Loreley and she writes the most fantastic DEG angst ever!! (Razzy and NMajik I'll email you the links, but well most of her work are at Le Ciel Place!). WAI! now that i'm on a roll about ficcies i would like to mention how greatful i am to Nightmajik for writing another part of BEAUTIFUL...i love this fic, not because i was part of the dedications, not because i'm being patronizing, but because you're such an awesome writer, your talent just pours out of you....even in our WK days your fics never ceased to entertain and amaze me. neee. NM-chan be nice to Shinyaaaa XD...you've asked me how I am like twice today...is it about the entry before this? Don't worry...I'm fine, i'll be fine. *hits head on table* damn i hate writer's block...I hate it! but what can i do...Hakuei is not helping me with IGIC, i want to finish it this week but the man is being stubborn ;____________; and he also made me cry with his song called Epilogue, damndamndamndamndamn :p Razzy I already DLed it from Asrundream, thank you to you and Ger. If it wasn't for that site then I'd really feel deprived of MP3s XD wai! Aggy and her pity calls XD AND i think I've run myself down again, and i'm tired and i still have to commute home, wai...no more car, oh well ;p BUT Yuan-chaan gave me another calendar it's for April this time...nii-chaaan ARIGATO!!! we are hide people forever :p Rence I got the notice...more woooork :p I still haveto decide on what to review, but i'm thinking of reviewing TRIGUN first and second donuts (original soundtrack). now all i have to do is find the time and the will, *runs from big WHAP from Rence*...sorry I made your blood pressure rise yesterday okay...I didn't mean to go Missing In Action, but well i'll be around often now i guess after daddy leaves ^___^ but i'm still looking forward to moving to chicago, it might come later, but it's better that way than never at all. rants end here i'm tired and i'm going to go pack my things now, and start begging hide for forgiveness because i forgot to wear my hide pin to work today *dies* okay bai ---------------> GONE!...i showed you my lemon rocket dream today, 2-18-2002...
entry title: co-locate an emotion for me, i can't seem to feel anything but pain
so i'm out of the frying pan and into the fire. it hurts. having something so important and real turn into something surreal is painful. having the most important relationship end, and realize that it wasn't the dream i envisioned it to be is painful. i thought it was my end all and be all. it wasn't. maybe i wanted too much, loved too much and planned too much - but that's me, that's how i love...fuck it was my everything, but i have to face reality and in truth - it's over. whatever romance i thought was there, wasn't there at all, right from the start.
it's weird, beyond this pain i feel the need to apologize, to this person, whom i thought was the love of my life. i'm sorry. thank you for telling me the truth. god, i really would like to whine, but can't. so i'll just leave this entry here. but not without thanking Kako who was there after the most important romantic relationship i had ended yesterday. i'm being very candid and open, that's all i can be right now, i don't want to keep it inside me. this is my misery, i'll kiss and embrace it, but i'll let it go sooner or later.pain is always closing in"
...i showed you my lemon rocket dream today, 2-16-2002...
entry title: well it's one of my good days
first off i grant my test result, if it doesn't work here well the answer is Pierrot XD
I was meant to be a member of Pierrot! I'm not too wild, but not too bland, either -- just the right mix of both, and a well-kept secret.
...i showed you my lemon rocket dream today, 2-15-2002...
entry title: two years of Transcendence
i'm floating. im not sure what i should be feeling, but for two years of my life i've been reading and waiting for the completion of the Transcendence Arc written by the one and only, amazing Sidara. two years of being inspired by that Arc. it comprises of three POV one of schuldig (Sunde), ken hidaka (Zeit) and lastly of the amazing Brad Crawford (Versagen).
my favorite would have to be Versagen, apart from the obvious i'm still in awe and in love with Brad's character even if i fell out of the fandom some months ago, because of reasons that i know find ridiculous, nonetheless, i've made a decision and i'm out of WK, but not out of Brad. Sunde would come next, it's the first installment and it's wonderful it was the only thing i kept reading when i had started working and kept me going, Sidara too was a major player in helping get on my feet, she has this utmost GO GET'EM attitude and it's way awesome. we rarely see each other online anymore but i am grateful to have met her...Saankyuu *kisu, kisu* XD then there's Zeit, it's instrumental, but i didn't bother with it much because it centered on Weiss and i don't like Weiss that much, i find their characters in the anime flat. i think the fanfic writers out there are the main reason why they became interesting eventually. but what the hey just my opinion, i'm out of the fandom anyway so it doesn't matter XD hehehehehe...*kicks Ken Hidaka hard on the shin and walks away* HEEEEEEEHEEEEE back to Sidara-sama, i'm really going to miss the arc, the way i kept refreshing my inbox just to see if she had sent a new chapter (i can't bug her, she'd whap me XD) i'm going to miss the tears and the wrenching feeling i get in my chest after reading a pivotal part...that's unless she decides to write another arc XD (hints) i'm stopping here, but before i go i made Sidara an offer when she began writing Versagen...i told her i'm saving up for dowry and am going to marry the fic XD i haven't saved up, but can i marry it still?? *loves Brad!!* *mmmmwwwwa* XD okay insane woman leaving the building -__-;;; jaaa neee! (i'm merely procastinating now hehehehe, because i have to finish a documention regarding the E-channel survey of thelast six months of 2001; to be made into an ASP page as an info service of the bank i work for >__<;; and i haven't even mastered ASP yet, prolly never will, i have a ghost programmer XP (EARL!) ...i feel lazy. bye...)...i showed you my lemon rocket dream today, 2-12-2002...
entry title: found something XD
Razzy, if you're online and you have time please go to this URL http://www.live.co.jp/kiyoshi/ this is the official site of kiyoshi (lead guitar - spread beaver) ^^; apparently he's the guitarist for Machine and i think there's a press shot of Hakuei-chan there along with a few live shots of Machine in the photos section :p
enjooooy XD now i'm off to work, ja neeeee~ (Daijiro style)...i showed you my lemon rocket dream today, 2-12-2002...
entry title: payday
look at me I can't sleep, must because it's payday tomorrow XD...but then again i can't go online so i'm doing this on notepad and i'll post it in a jiffy later. my dad's friends and co-workers call at the oddest hours, figures, they follow standard US time...whatever. i just heard over the radio that there's going to be a fair in UP, i want to go, maybe see the bands that are lined up to play, or just go on the rides, who knows ~__~ i'll have to ask Dess or try and contact DW for more info on tickets and stuff....wai, break out the rock!! i need a diversion and i'm starting to sing oblivion dust's song...future womb which is alarming -__-;;; and i forgot to put Chiriko in my list of friends...that's unforgivable...Chiriko-chan gooomen >___<;;; my fault. i also forgot to put myonaka-san...mayo-san goomen as well, ne?
i yawned! heeey i'm sleepy...finally...g.night....i showed you my lemon rocket dream today, 2-12-2002...
entry title: it amazes me
i took down the other entries because i figered they didn't make much sense. hence i put this one up, it's longer but it does comprise of the past few days of fun i had as i went on a horsebackriding expedition with my family. we toured benguet and the borders of ilocos using horses and it was awesome. i've always loved horses, i've been riding since i was six years old, and they're still one of my favorite animals. probably next to dogs and wolves and sabre tooth tigers XD
it's amazing how i survived that trip, but i'm happy and well i have this big smirk-y, gloating smile, horses have that effect on me. okay, so after that four day rendezvous, i got home last saturday, with my limbs aching like hell, but again it was all worth it, i'd do it again so long as i get to ride horses and also spend it with my mom and dad. but another thang that made me happy was the fact that i got a letter from Myrrh (!) she's my idol when it comes to web design, a pioneer i say, but then she's too humble to accept that title *wai, huggles* if i had known about Inoran or Myrrh when i was in thailand i would have insisted on seeing her, she's one of the coolest people i've met, and hapy to have done so :) i could totally pass up the opportunity to squeel about hide, but i won't. he's amazing and down-to-earth, i love him, i love him, i can't say it enough...he was adorable in the hide: a story VCD that my dad got me, he came to kiyoshi's aid when kiyoshi's guitar strap snapped during the filming of Rocket Dive, he picked up the fallen lense of the tiny camera man in the filming of Pink Spider, he was always making jokes, along with the irresistable chirolyn, it was so sweet. but i guess of all the footage shown, my favorite would have to be the goodbye footage in the ALIVEST VCD, he was shown sitting in a faux beach with the rest of Spread Beaver and Pata and they were singing "Goodbye" after the song fireworks were set. massive colors painted the sky, tarnishing grey with stains of red, yellow pink and green...beautiful, just like the man who was the reason behind all of that. there was this one shot where hide's profile was set against the sky, and it made me cry, that's where he belongs, among the stars. that made it harder for me to believe that he's not here anymore, how can someone so animate, and vibrant be dead? maybe hide's asking me that same question, because for the longest time i felt dead, but lately i felt so alive, and that scares me. i feel sad though that hide will never answer the fan letters i send, that no matter how many letters i burn, it'll be impossible for me to get i reply, but that's kind of an assurance...hide's passed away which means there is no chance of me losing him all over again. that's my security i guess. and that lessens the fear of having to deal with another loss. i feel safe. hide will never hurt or fail me, much like how i saw Brad Crawford before. i spent a good part of my life with idolatry...six years of Suede, three years of Brad Crawford - i have the rest of my life to dedicate to hide. as long as i can, as long as i'm able - i will continously thank him, spread good word about him as well. it was Morganlight who made me wake up to the fact that the world should know about hide, her dedication to the man is inspiring and i'm happy to be helping in my small way, webpages, fics, i am doing something, no matter how small it is, it's something. *breathes* okay...that was a bit intense. a bit of topic change - my dad leaves on the 28th, i just know that i'm going to hate that fucking day immensely. i'm not going to take him to the airport, i'm going to work, because i'm tired of crying, pining after he leaves. it's a cycle - he takes a vacation iget used to him around and when he leaves i fall apart...i love my dad so much...and this whole situation - it hurts. i don't expect people to understand the bond i have with my parents, the way i drop everything, forget everything just to please them, they're still the ones i live for after all this time, even after i crossed that line from being a kid to an adult, i still feel like i'm their little girl, i always will be. and i know that they will alwas be there for me. even my dad, i know he'll be there, i trust him now more than ever. despite the shouting matches, because that's just the way we both are :p i don't think i'll be going to the states any time soon, my mom's going there to study, so i gave way and agreed to take care of granma for her XD but i do get an asian tour of Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, and Myanmar (Burma) when she gets back! which is more than enough to keep me going, these Asian countries have the richest cultures, i would like to believe that they preserved that. i'm not sure though which are the socialists, i'll have to research, i have close to two years anyway, maybe by that time my mom will finally throw in Shanghai in there or if i get lucky my dream ~ Daisetsuzan Mountains in Japan. what else...hmmm, well Kayote my cousin had lunch with me and my friends from the office and well we sorta ran into Mench, i saw the anguish in my cousin's eyes when he saw his gf of eight years holding the hand of another guy...i'd like to save him the pain, but he deserved it...what goes around comes around. i've been there too so i understand Mench, i've felt that way and frankly i didn't like it. i guess that's always been a big reason why i seldom get involved romantically or sexually in real life. it was kayote who so eloquently said..."oh brother, it's my cousin, wednesday addams..." i can be fun sometimes. but most of the time i just don't care. life is funny but laughter dies in one's mouth, or it dies in the air. it's just the way it is. alright...i think that it's the fatigue that's talking now so i'll sign off with a lazy grin. Night everyone....i showed you my lemon rocket dream today, 2-12-2002...
- sweet monster people:
- Alan Yap Jr.
- Allison Buess
- Carenda
- Chibi Chiriko-chan
- Crow
- K.Firefly
- Kako-chaaan
- Klaharose
- Kayote
- Koyuki Aode
- Mayonaka
- Mone
- Morganlight
- Myrrihque
- Nightmajik
- Razzy Rain
- Sadistic Paperclip
- Saint Adel (Mamiya Oki guru, Merci!)
- Scott David Herman
- Shadowleopard
- Sidara
- Yuan Matsumoto [hide nii_chan]
- it had something spiny head:
- name: darkfrozenmind, agatha
- age: as old as time itself
- location: hide city
- email: hidethehippy@yahoo.com
- aim: darkfrozenmind
- inner profile: half empty, half full
- deum: hideto matsumoto
- tenshi: inoran
- esuriem: myself...
- diabolum: kaoru niikura
- paraverbal: "everybody's born to die"
- lemon, lemon:
- destinations
- hide : my 20th century boy
- inoran : tenshi
- kaoru : a god breathes
- driventomisery : brad crawford shrine
- paraverbal : jrock fanfiction
- pixel power : babble, babble site
- got a sweet poison cake...
- hide
- inoran
- penicillin
- pierrot
- dir en grey
- twin signal
- trainspotting
- oscar wilde
- unacceptable jaggies...
- top 5 artists (jrock):
- hide (forever) and spread beaver
- inoran
- penicillin
- dir en grey
- pierrot (tied w/) new sodmy
- top 5 artists (nonjrock):
- dido
- smashing pumpkins
- staind
- creed
- incubus
- top 5 anime:
- trigun
- twin signal
- flame of recca
- rurouni kenshin
- grave of the fireflies
- top 5 manga:
- trigun
- the young magician
- gun blaze west
- damien's syndrome
- saiyuki
- top 5 guitarists:
- hide
- kiyoshi (spread beaver)
- inoran (Fake)
- kaoru (dir en grey)
- tak matsumoto (b'z)
- top 5 hide songs:
- flame (my image song)
- hurry go round
- hi-ho
- rocket dive
- ever free
- top 5 hide videos:
- rocket dive
- hi-ho
- ever free
- pink spider
- misery
- songs of choice:
- "resolution" by inoran
- "tomorrow" by penicillin
- "taiyo no aou" by dir en grey
- "loveless" by luna sea
- "cocoon" by pierrot
- "wonder love" by chirolyn
- "actor" by new sodmy
- "dears" by gackt
- "wonderful world" by tetsu69
- "lucifer" by madeth gray'll
- albums of choice:
- "psychommunity" by hide
- "psyence" by hide
- "ja, zoo" by hide
- "sou" compositions of inoran
- "private enemy" by pierrot
- "macabre" by dir en grey
- "real" by l'arc cen ciel
- "lunacy" by luna sea
- "gauze" by dir en grey
- "best collection : rurouni kenshin" by VA
- my digital breakdown:
- Vain. Vile. Vice. Viciously fanatic. Where. What. How. When. Thief. Jinx. Murderer. Lover. Destroyer. Angel. Devil. Monster. Pretty. Ugly. Bitter. Sweet. Angry. Calm. Excited. Alive. Dead. Apathetic. Concerned. Liar. Stupid. Smart. Intoxicated. Sober. In. Out. Digital. Archaic. Together. Breakdown. Sad. Happy. Curse. Bless. Agatha.
- take me higher, higher:
- "...Flame of Misery
Stop giving me the hatred of my beloved
It's a Flame of Sadness
Breaking everything I hold in my arms
Pieces of Sadness
Fly away with the rain
Life is going on
Until it can only walk
Stay free my misery, my Misery
Stay free your misery...
until the skies can learn to
love your laughter..." - ~ FLAME by hide
- notes:
- Well here's a new journal for me. I tried finding others but who am I kidding? I couldn't find any other place that's more convenient. So I'm back. With a new name but hey it's still me.
- credits:
- I'd like to thank hide, for always being there, through his music he has touched me and inspired me to go on despite numerous obstacles, to be who I am. It's a tough period in my life but this journal was created to enable me to cope with the changes.
lyrics to live by:
*an excerpt from my favorite hide song, and also the song i call my image song. just read it, it maybe a counter point/spin off from Misery but the dynamics of this song made it a winner in my book, it's such a melancholic song. i love it.
this song; a gift from my dear friend Razzy.
Link to this site using this URL: http://lemoned.pitas.com
have fun criticizing and reading...if life gets you down just sing, just embrace the sadness then let it go.
Thank you to Pitas.com for providing the playground.
To my friends online, you know who you guys are, I don't have many friends online but it's not about numbers, it's the faith you have in me, the undying support and your words that keep me going.
To my real life friends and family ~ I'm a pain to keep up with, but I thank you for staying by my side.
Brechnev, hunny I luuuuurve you so much.
Lyrics belong to their rightful writers, no copyright infringement intended,
Lemoned @ pitas = 2002
"Stay free my misery"