Disclaimer: This is all Laurelgand and Moonsong's fault. If not for them I'd never be writing this stuff on this page. Blame them and especially Laurelgand for the corpse tea.

Version 16.0 :: featuring Space Cowboy Spike Speigel from Cowboy Bebop, complete with cowboy hat and lasso. Screncaps from the flashback at the beginning of episode 1. Lyrics from My Love is Like a Red, Red, Rose (Scottish folk melody)

transmission |:| FANFICTION
date |:| nichiyoubi 05.20.01
music |:| Glay, You May Dream
desktop |:| some really scary looking mecha from Macross II ^^;;...oh wait, my brother changed it. Now it's a bunch of tiny little Siam Shades. I don't know which desktop is scarier...

Ahem. I wasn't going to blog tonight. It is kinda late to be online, considering I have church and then a flight to catch tomorrow...but I was reading fanfic and blogs online and I got inspired. So, this is a semi-rant. It's not a real rant, cause I don't like to offend people if I can help it, and some people might get offended by this. No one from mr.org, hopefully, cause you guys know me too well. But...well...read at your own risk. ^^;;

With that garbage out of the way, this blog entry is really about fanfiction and feedback. I'm not even talking about the fanfic authors who write part of a really bad chapter, post it on some ML, and then threaten "if I don't get 10 feedbacks, I'm not finishing this!" We all know that that's just immaturity talking. No, what I'm talking about here are the established fanfiction authors who complain about "not getting enough feedback."

Now, there are several different kinds of feedback. There's one kind that is the "I love your story!" kind of feedback, which every author loves to get. There's the other more constructive kind of feedback that details what's actually wrong with the damn thing and gets you to fix it and also brings down your ego about ten notches. The first kind we authors love. The second kind...we'd love to do without, but it's unfortunately necessary.

Don't get me wrong. Feedback is good. I like it. You like it. We all like it. But is it really necessary to complain about not getting it?

I don't write fanfic for an audience. Well, I do. But the reason I write fanfiction is primarily because I like to write. I don't want to seem uncaring or unfeeling towards my readers, because I'm grateful for everyone who has ever read anything I've written. But if I hadn't gotten a single piece of feedback, I'd still write.

I think the internet has spoiled us. When I started writing, so long ago, there was no such thing as internet. I wrote on scraps of notebook paper, on construction paper, on napkins. I wrote things down and typed them up on my word processor and placed them in my "story binder," where the only person that would ever read them was me. There was no feedback. There was no email. There were no fans. And I wrote. I've been writing for fifteen plus years, and it's only in the last three years that I've had access to the internet.

It was only when I got online that I understood that what I'd been writing for so many years was "fanfiction" and that there were such things as "mailing lists" and "feedback." And with the knowledge that this is going to sound really really arrogant, I am a good writer. In fact, I am a really good writer. And I was a really good writer before the internet and feedback. Yes, I've continued to improve since I got net access, and yes, I've a long ways to go before I can say I am truly a "great" writer, but I consider myself better than a lot of fanfic writers on the net.

Now with that bit of blatant self-promotion done, I'll say that most fanfiction writers think the same of themselves. And you know what? They're free to go right ahead. And if you're a fanfiction writer, please, think the same. Writers who walk around with their heads hanging low and saying "I suck!" get nowhere. Trust me...I've seen some really good authors who have put themselves down too often to get anywhere with the talent they so obviously had.

But the flip side is to not get carried away. No fanfiction author is too good to improve. It's like doing anything else...you can always be better, even if you're the greatest fanfiction author in the world. The other problem I see in the fanfic world is authors who think they're great and wonderful and deserve awesome feedback which is never given to them.

This rant is not directed at anyone I know. So if you know me in any distant way at all, I'm not ranting at you. And this is not even a rant at the [unnamed] person who posted another rant on the importance of feedback on her blog, because she had some really good points about why authors need feedback. This is just a general rant at the state to which "feedback" has been reduced to in the fanfiction world. It's become almost expected for an author to receive it, and if people don't get it, they get mad. Ten years ago, if an editor didn't like your manuscript, they'd send it back to you with a little "rejected" slip. The end. Feedback? What feedback? You wanted to improve, you feedback-ed your stories yourself. How do you think I got so good at beta-ing my own work? I've been doing it for 15+ years, starting from the 30 word stories I scratched out in kindergarten while I was supposed to be paying attention and learning how to count. Butterfly's Sleep and Fate had no beta reader. The only beta for them was me. And who do you think beta reads Sainan no Kekka? Been doing it for as long as the story's been around, and I can proudly say I beta as well as any beta reader out there. Probably better too, since I'm much more critical of my own work than other people would probably dare to be.

Some people don't like to feedback. They may think a fanfiction they just read is simply wonderful, but they just don't do feedback. I'm one of those people. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing, but I can probably count the number of times I've emailed an author on both my hands. I just don't do it. It doesn't mean I didn't like a fic. It doesn't mean I didn't find mistakes. I just don't. I suppose I'm being a bad citizen of the fanfiction world, but I'm guessing that there are a lot of people like me out there.

I'd love to rant more on the subject, but I really need to sleep, and guess what? Ranting won't help. And I've ranted more times than I can count on the subject of feedback, anyway. My final word on the subject of feedback is this: Feedback is nice. It's great. It makes you feel good that someone is reading your stuff. It provides good criticism and helps you improve. But it's not NECESSARY. And at the risk of sounding like a stuck-up prig (which I probably do anyway, to anyone reading this), if you're serious about being a writer, you'll write, feedback or no feedback. If you're truly desperate, you'll beta your own work. When it comes down to it, you are all you've got. And read. Read the fics of writers who you admire. Reading other peoples' work can help you develop your own writing skills immensely.

That's the end of my rant. I'm very very very sorry if I offended anyone by this, but I had to get that off my chest. Please don't be mad at me for ranting and stuff ^^;;;;;;;

Below is a list of fanfics that I've read on the internet and loved. I don't know the authors for most of these, and some of the titles have also been forgotten, but all of these are wonderful fanfics which have shaped me into the writer I am today. Reading works. Honestly. The fics below bear witness to this. All these people write so much better than me and the fics show it. ^_^ Fics are listed by title and then series, in no particular order. I might have forgotten a few due to my bad net connection tonight (IE is about to crash) but if I did, I'll add them later.

Sakura and Snow, X/ Tokyo Babylon
Of Love and Honor, Rurouni Kenshin
When You Gonna Learn, Weiss Kruez
Fugue, Utena
Anatexis, Gundam Wing
Mobius, Fushigi Yuugi
The Dark Lord's Dream, Star Wars
The Ocean Songfic Trilogy, Gundam Wing
Untitled Hyde/Yukihiro Fic, L'Arc~en~Ciel
Duo's Braid, Gundam Wing
Time, Gundam Wing
Jamais Vu, Utena
One-shot fic of which I forgot the name ^^;;, Cowboy Bebop
Someone Else's Life, Fushigi Yuugi
Sunday, Utena
La Vita Va Su, Gundam Wing
Redeemed, Star Wars
The Act Of, Fushigi Yuugi
Space Lion in Winter, Cowboy Bebop

end transmission |:| 0324 hrs

transmission |:| YOSHIKI vs GACKT
date |:| doyoubi 05.19.01
music |:| B'z, You and I

Moonsong: Gackt is good but... he lacks... finesse. ^^ Yoshiki's playing is... I lost my train of thought. -_-;;
Moonsong: More refined! Or... something. ^^;;; *skitters away*
Gerald: gackt's playing is more experimental, but yoshiki's is more powerful emotionally
Gerald: yoshiki plays like someone who knows he's the best and intends to let everyone know
Gerald: gackt just....plays
Gerald: ^^;;;; or something
Moonsong: *nods* And Yoshiki plays the instrument. Gackt pounds on the thing to make it say something.

XD XD XD

end transmission |:| 0152 hrs

transmission |:| I IS BAAAAACK
date |:| kinyoubi 05.18.01
music |:| X Japan, Heath's bass solo from a live ^_^

I IS BACK!

Hong Kong was marvellous and wonderful and really really cool. My grandpa is doing ok...he was on life support but he's off now. What happened was he had blocked arteries in his heart so they were going to do bypass surgery on him, but then they found out he had ulcers. So they couldn't give him the medicine he had to take because it would be bad for his stomach. Or something (yeah you can tell why I'm not going to be a doctor). So the short story is that his ulcers are better and they're going to do bypass surgery next week. ^^;;

I didn't get LOTS of anime, but I did get some Macross 7 manga, Glay's album Hai to Daiyamondo (their first album produced by...YOSHIKI *_*) and a bunch of Gackt single CDs, the Oasis one which I'm going to mail to you, neesan, as soon as I get back to Austin. I'm in Houston right now for the weekend because the person whose apartment I'm subleasing for the summer hasn't moved out yet and I didn't feel like sleeping off the jet lag on the living room couch ^_^.

I really like Hong Kong though. I can't wait to go back this summer. It's just like New York except there's more forms of public transportation (taxis, buses, minibuses, subways, and trains), the public transportation is cleaner (o.O), everything is in Chinese (which I could kind of read!), and the translated english is bad (see the ENGRISH entry below *snicker*). Anyone who knows me though knows I have a thing for big cities (thus why I go to the largest university in the country), so Hong Kong is one of those cities for me.

I have to say I missed everyone and for all of you who emailed me, a big *glomp* ^_______^. Though I'm sorry I never really emailed anyone back cause my aunt's internet connection sucks and it took me about an hour just to GET to my stupid email ^^;; Laurel, where are you? You're the only one I haven't heard from...in weeks! ;_;

Err...anyway, I was reading neesan's blog and I see she made some LISTS. As everyone knows, I like LISTS *glares at Laurel for starting the list craze* *and the rutabaga for starting THIS one* I guess I will have to list my favorite songs of the moment. I have lists like this in other places but they're rather outdated and I need to change them anyway ^_^ (The lists on the side of my blog aren't my favorite songs, but simply the ones I'm obsessed with at the moment)

TOP 10 JROCK ARTISTS (ahh! This is hard! ^^;;)
1. L'Arc~en~Ciel
2. Gackt
3. Glay
4. Luna Sea
5. X Japan
6. Siam Shade
7. Malice Mizer
8. Himuro Kyosuke
9. Hide
10. B'z

TOP 5 JROCK SONGS
1. Butterfly's Sleep [L'Arc~en~Ciel]
2. EMU ~for my dear~ [Gackt]
3. Natsu no Yuutsu [L'Arc~en~Ciel]
4. However [Glay]
5. Pink Spider [Hide]

TOP 5 JROCK ALBUMS
1. Mars [Gackt]
2. Ark [L'Arc~en~Ciel]
3. Merveilles [Malice Mizer]
4. Hai to Daiyamondo [Glay]
5. Heavenly [L'Arc~en~Ciel]

TOP 5 L'ARC~EN~CIEL SONGS
1. Butterfly's Sleep
2. Natsu no Yuutsu
3. Blurry Eyes
4. Driver's High
5. Snow Drop

TOP 5 GACKT SONGS
1. EMU ~for my dear~
2. Saikai ~Story~
3. U+K
4. Mizerable
5. Blue

TOP 5 GLAY SONGS
1. However
2. Be With You
3. Rain
4. Biri Biri Crashmen
5. Two Bell Silence

TOP 5 LUNA SEA SONGS
1. Sweetest Coma Again
2. Tonight
3. Rosier
4. Wish
5. Forever and Ever

TOP 5 X JAPAN SONGS
1. Say Anything
2. Tears
3. Rusty Nail
4. Dahlia
5. Longing ~Togireta Melody~

Never fear, I'm not going to list the top 5 songs of the other artists ^^ I might later, but this is a long enough list XD

Anyway, I am off to surf the net some more and get rid of my internet withdrawal symptoms.

~Ger

end transmission |:| 2015 hrs

transmission :|: ENGRISH
date :|: kayoubi 05.15.01

on a Hong Kong ferry: FIRE HYIDRANT
on the side of a brick wall: STICK NO BILL
in church on a young girl's shirt: SEX INSTRUCTOR: FIRST LESSON FREE!
on another shirt: JUST DO ME
on a boy's shirt:MY DICK WOULD LIKE TO BUY YOU A DRINK
on a girl's shirt:RAPE: IT WORKS
on a sign at the harbor: DO NOT SPIT

I know there was more but that's all I can remember right now *snicker* Anyway, I have internet once again today so I'm blogging while I have the chance. I'm coming back Thursday morning but will probably be out for a few days sleeping off the jet lag. ^_^

I haven't read any blogs yet, but hope you guys are doing well! I'll talk to you soon.

~Ger

end transmission :|: 1440 hrs

transmission :|: HONG KONG
date :|: kinyoubi 05.11.01

HELLO HELLO HELLO!!! ^____^

I made it safely! Got to Hong Kong yesterday afternoon at about 3 PM...the plane ride sucked. I couldn't sleep and it was about a 15 hour ride, and the person in the seat next to me kept kicking me cause she was sleeping taking up both seats (I had the window seat). But it was ok. I got extremely cranky last night due to the jet lag (I guess it's about midnight for you guys, huh? Yeah...it says 12:15 am up in the time box XD)

Anyway, my grandfather seems to be doing better, but there are relapses or something, so who knows? Hong Kong itself is pretty cool. I haven't been here since I was about 10, so it's kind of weird to see how my child's memory compares to what I see now. It's also been 10 years, of course, so things have changed a lot. It's really strange to see Asian people everywhere ^^;;;

Anyway, I'm at my aunt's house right now blogging but I don't know when I'll get net access again. I miss all of you guys, and hope you're having a nice week! QS, I checked the snkauthors addy...*dies* So many messages! And for the record, I don't totally agree with that person's POV on Relena, but at least they were nice about it ><

I'm really actually supposed to be studying Latin right now shhh ^_~ I'm going out this afternoon to go shopping...neesan, I'll try to find Merveilles for you! Anyone else if you want ANYTHING, email me. I'm going anime shopping tomorrow, I think, and anime is pretty abundant here. Warning though, I doubt there will be any anime with English subtitles. Any subtitles will be in Chinese, but I heard that most stuff was raw.

Anyway, I'm off! Have a nice day! Sleep well *snicker*

~Ger

end transmission :|: 1215 hrs

transmission :|: THE LAST SONG
date :|: kayoubi 05.08.01

Listening to: X Japan, The Last Song
Desktop: Garrod Ran, Gundam X
Winamp skin: US Air Force ROTC Detachment 825

Well, I'm packing up my computer in a bit here, so best wishes out there to all of you taking finals (or midterms, Lyra ^_~) or starting to enjoy your summer! I'll be back in two weeks, hopefully with lots of merchandise from Hong Kong.

Thanks to everyone who sent me emails (especially aniki hwwhww). This whole thing is still kind of weird, but I figure what better way to start my summer than have some kind of freaky thing happen like this? It makes my life more interesting XD

I finally changed the jrock and anime songs on the sidebar...they'd been stuck with the same songs for forever. Anyway, EMU~For My Dear~ is obviously at the top for the jrock list and there are some Cowboy Bebop songs that I'd suggest you try to get on Napster or something if you can. ^__^

Well, time to go. I'll be thinking of you guys! Email me, even if I don't respond XD It'll make me feel loved.

Ja ne!

~Ger

end transmission :|: 0938 hrs

transmission :|: HONG KONG
date :|: getsuyoubi 05.07.01

Well, it looks like things are all taken care of. For those of you who didn't get my email (Jen, I know yours bounced ^^;;) I'm going to Hong Kong tomorrow because my grandpa is sick and is probably going to die this week. I know this sounds rather morbid and mean, but seriously I'm not too grief-stricken. I didn't really know my grandfather. He was just one of those relatives who I said hi to on the phone and gave me money at Christmas and stuff. I suppose that's not too great, but considering my relationship with the REST of my family, what do you expect?

I'll be back from Hong Kong next Friday, so I'll see if I can't get my internet working next weekend so I can talk. I might also be able to blog from Hong Kong ^^;; but no IM. I'll email also if I can ^_^

Right now my room looks like a tornado hit it, and that's being nice. I'm usually a pretty neat person, and seeing trash and boxes all over the place makes me cringe XD But oh well.

On a happier note, the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack is reaaaaaally good. Get it if you can! I have all 26 eps now, Laurel, so I'll burn those for you ASAP when I get back.

Gomen for such short notice, and I'll see you guys in two weeks! ^_____^ Oh, and if there's any merchandise you want me to keep an eye out for...email me. I'm going to Hong Kong, after all, where anime is cheap. XD XD XD

~Ger

end transmission :|: 1501 hrs

transmission :|: COWBOY BEBOP
date :|: nichiyoubi 05.06.01

New layout! XD Yeah I know I was going to use Gundam 08, but I couldn't find any good screenshots or art. So I decided to use Spike Speigel from Cowboy Bebop instead. I've watched 5 episodes of it and am addicted ^___^ Laurel, did that ep work? I think you have to download a plug-in to watch on macs...I'm not sure.

My grandfather is having an emergency and so I have to go to Hong Kong this week. It's rather sudden (as all emergencies are) and so I had to work like crazy to change my finals and my move-out schedule. I think it's going to work out though ^^;; I'll keep minna posted.

My leg hurts. XD Umm...I'm out of healthy food here so I have to eat junk food. Yum yum.

I am going to call my parents again, so catch you guys online!

~Ger

end transmission :|: 2101 hrs