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v4.0 seifer almasy, final fantasy viii
Name |:| Gerald Tarrant
The reflective lyrics of this song describe my present mood...melancholy in an optimistic way is how I would put it.
X JAPAN |:| THE LAST SONG
watching the stars till they're gone
owaranai ame dakishimeta
endless rain embraced me
in endless rain, I've been walking
kizutsuku dake kizutsuite
only I am hurt, give me pain
am I wrong to be hurt?
ki ga tsukeba mata hitori
if I wake up again alone
kizutsuku dake kizutsuite
only I am hurt, give me pain
I see red
owaranai ame dakishimeta
endless rain embraced me
kizutsuku dake kizutsuite
only I am hurt, give me pain
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Disclaimer: This is all Laurelgand and Moonsong's fault. If not for them I'd never be writing this stuff on this page. Blame them and especially Laurelgand for the corpse tea.
Listening to: Kawamura Ryuichi, Glass It's so nice to see everyone online and in a better mood these days. I must admit that the chats these past few days are some of the most fun I've ever had, and I think minna will agree with me. And Mearl, I hope you keep that picture of the world's largest sweatdrop somewhere safe, because it's destined to become famous someday ^_~ In my visit to Too Much Testosterone tonight, I discovered the archive of guest essays, which really raise some interesing and very good points about Gundam Wing, anime, and culture in general. I wish all websites had such great content. Which brings me to another point...not about anime, really but about personality. Not to pick on you, QS, but especially over the past couple weeks you've been using the phrase "Ger...you're so STAID." In case a definition is needed, "staid" means "serious." Kevin said something along those lines the other night, "you don't like to have fun." I don't really know how to take these comments. I am by nature a very serious and introspective person. I'd much rather read a good essay than spend time at the movies or with friends. Reading a book is higher priority with me than going bowling. And spending time alone with my CD player, translating something, is definitely higher priority with me than going to a party. It might be the way I was raised, but I don't enjoy empty entertainment. "Empty" meaning entertainment that makes one feel good but doesn't enrich the mind or the soul, or does not provide a learning experience. I don't like playing sports or going to parties. I don't like spending a day at the beach or at the mall. I don't enjoy comedy or action anything, simply because those genres of entertainment don't provide much in the way of intellectual thought. I'm one of those people who can't stand to see people horsing around "for fun." I'm one of those people who will point fingers at somebody who is trying to lighten up and accuse him or her of being immature. I'm one of those people who most of the time can't take a joke and will respond with a challenging comment daring the other person to back it up with solid fact, and probably demand an essay as well to prove it. Don't you just hate people like me? That's not to say I am easily hurt, because I am also one of those people who is fazed by almost nothing. Sure, people say shocking things, and I respond back with the appropriate "WHAT?" or "NO WAY!" but it's a cultured response. I take all things, good, bad, or ugly, and move on. Try to disgust me? I don't mind. I like bugs and blood. Try to horrify me with a sexual joke? I assure you my mind is probably dirtier and far more perverted than yours, so don't even try. Try to impress me with something new and exciting? I don't like to have fun, remember. Try to insult me? I never cared for your opinion anyway. I could rant about how the people around me need to grow up, but then again, I think I am far more mature than I need to be. In fact, I am far more "mature" than anyone of any age has any right to be, and it's a bad thing. Too little maturity is annoying, but too much turns people into someone like me. Only able to see the serious side of things, unwilling to have "fun," and just plain all around...well...staid. Or maybe the adjective I'm looking for here is "boring"? I do have fun, on occasion. I do goof around and make a fool of myself sometimes. But only rarely. I suppose I should start to do it more, but why do something I don't like? I think this rant had a point, but it's far too early in the morning to even think of it anymore. QS, this isn't an attack on your catchphrase, just some random philosophizing of my own. ^_^ Good chat, guys. Laurel - good luck on mits.com and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE someone look at my code for CL on Netscape and tell me what the HELL it's doing? Please? *_* I'll give you a million dollars! Err...I was kidding about the million dollars part...eheheheheh ~Ger
Listening to: EMU, Another Face, Another Life Winamp skin: Corellian Corvette, Star Wars Well, it's Friday. Another week over. I'm not sure if that's good or not. On one hand, I'm glad it's the weekend. On the other hand, what's another weekend? I don't feel like I've accomplished anything this week...except for maybe hours of sitting in front of the computer staring at nothing. It's strange. I really feel like I am losing most of my friends, and the strange part is I don't care as much as I thought I would. It's rather obvious that I'm not as close to most of them as I used to be, but that's to be expected. After all, I'm a hermit now. I spend hours locked in my room on the computer writing, or just lying on my bed staring at the ceiling. I go to as few ROTC functions as I possibly can. I skip class. I just don't have the energy or the desire to go anywhere. You think this is one of the signs of depression? I think if I were ever to go get tested, I'd test out as clinically depressed, but I don't think it's worth it. After all, I'm still alive, aren't I? And I do have good hobbies and I'm a upstanding citizen...I'm not a total freak yet. I remember last year when I'd go everywhere with these people who I consider my friends. We'd hang out until two or three in the morning almost every night, having a great time. I laughed and I cried and I lived with these people. Now I don't even feel like saying two words to them. Maybe that's it...maybe I've spent too much time with them. But I don't think so. In the grand scheme of things, they're not the problem. The 200 class is going bowling tonight and then there's a party afterwards, but here I am, on the computer. Call an antisocial introvert, but I really did not feel like spending another night with them. All I really want to do is spend the rest of my life alone, talking to people who I will never meet face to face, working on what I want to when I want to, without anyone to pass judgement on me for being wrong. I've never been especially social, and I've never liked being around people much, but it's to the point where being around people almost makes me want to run and throw up. There's definitely something wrong with me... Well, life goes on. And so do I, for the time being. It's the way things are, right? And yes, I know I used "boku" in the blog subject. Deal with it. ~Ger
Listening to: Fushigi Yuugi, Itooshi Hito no tame ni Winamp skin: Himura Kenshin, Rurouni Kenshin New layout! It's Seifer Almasy from Final Fantasy 8, the most awesome, badass character ever created for Final Fantasy. In my opinion, anyway. ^_~ (on second thought, that's Sephiroth...but Seifer follows closely on his heels) Lyrics are from (where else?) X Japan's amazing ballad Say Anything. Marauder flight won both Honor and Warrior flight today. I'm proud of my flight...but I know we're slacking off. It's pretty obvious that we're getting lazy and complacent, and while I'm not the great flight motivator and ROTC cadet that I was last year, I still want a good flight. I do have reason to believe that after this morning's PT, things will get better. We'll see. Not much going on this week; I polished my combat boots yesterday while watching the X movie dubbed in Cantonese. Does it strike anyone else rather odd that I've seen the X movie dubbed into both English and Cantonese now, but never seen the actual Japanese version? The Cantonese version is pretty funny, especially the names ^^;;; Umm. Seriously, there's nothing else going on. I'm bored, and I don't want to study my Latin. And I'm gonna whine. On a more positive note, the first part of Act 3 of SnK comes out tonight. QS and I deserve a round for applause for that, I think. *waits expectantly* ...... ~Ger ^^
Listening to: Luna Sea, Rosier Well, today has been quite a treat. I came home from Japanese class at 11 AM, the usual. Sat down at my computer to check my email and the phone rings. Well, Gerald NEVER answers the phone. I just let people leave a message and if it's important and I feel like talking to them, I might call them back. MIGHT being the key word. In fact, that's what my answering machine actually states when it comes on ^_~ Anyway, it clicks on, and it's one of the RA's at the front desk, informing me that an express package has come in for me. She sounded like it was urgent. Well, I didn't know of any express packages coming my way, but I DID know that I had about 5 packages on their way to me. Stuff that I ordered last week. I seem to have caught the Laurel bug for spending money. ^^;;; I went up to the front desk and it was a package from Japan. My Malice Mizer CD, to be exact. ^___^ I don't know about you, but getting packages from Japan all bundled up nicely in a box makes me excited. And of course Merveilles is a great album, which is why I ordered it. There are some simply awesome pictures of the band in the inside booklet to go along with the great music. So I went to Latin and English and then thought I would go get some lunch. Decided to check my mailbox just in case, even though I had just checked it and my package had come. Well, surprise surprise. There was another big package crammed into the tiny space. When I finally squeezed it out, it turned out to be a video. Not just any video, but my video of Tokyo Pop I had ordered last week. In case you haven't heard of it (which I doubt most of you guys have) it's a comedy of sorts about an American singer who is sick of the American club scene. So she goes to Japan to see if she can't get famous. In between trying to find a gig, which is a lot harder than she thought it would be, she meets a whole bunch of Japanese rock stars. Heh heh. Guess who has a cameo in the movie? X Japan. Sure, it's only a 20 second thing in which you don't really see their faces, but Yoshiki and Hide each have a line, and I had to get it just for that. So I'm an X Japan freak. Sue me. So I sat in front of my computer and finished the rest of Heero's part for Sainan no Kekka Act 3 (yes, QS, it's finished. You haven't been online when I've been on, so I haven't sent it to you), then decided to get dinner. Decided also to check my mailbox one more time, just in case. ANOTHER package. *Gerald falls over* It was my X Japan Ballad Collection CD. I guess my mailbox had caught the X Japan bug or something...^^;; I don't know if it was divine coincidence that all of these packages arrived on the same day, but it sure made my day much much better. ^____^ Now all that's left is my X Japan Dahlia CD, which is on backorder, and my 30 episodes of Macross 7 which won't be in for a while because I sent in the order today. But hey, life is good. Three packages in one day. I don't think anyone can beat that. Laurel, have you sent my package with the GW and WK yet? Just checking. *pats* Haven't seen you online! Neesan, I'm thinking of you. Feel better! Well, as early as it is, it's time for Gerald to call it a day and climb into bed. Reason being there's a PFT at morning workout tomorrow, and I would like to pass. On second thought, maybe I'll do better on it if I don't sleep. Adrenaline rush and second wind and all that... Nah ^_~ ~Ger
Listening to: Himuro Kyosuke, Diamond Dust Desktop: Yoshiki, X Japan Well, though I am still sore from workout on Thursday, I am to the point where I can walk down the stairs withoug falling over and curling up into a whimpering ball of misery. All things said and done, I really did enjoy PT. That sort of workout is what PT should be like. I hope Solis keeps it up. Saw the movie Thirteen Days yesterday, and it's now made Gerald's favorite movies list. The beginning was kind of slow, but the rest of it was just incredible. In case you haven't heard of the movie, it's about the Cuban Missle Crisis in 1962 and the whole thing was simply riveting. The one thing I really didn't like about it was how they really villianized the military. Sure, it's a political drama, but the military had a central part in the Cuban Missile Crisis, and whenever the Joint Chiefs came on screen they always managed to make themselves look like fools in front of the suave and intelligent Kennedys. Now this isn't to say that the military is always right, but I think we deserve a little more credit than the movie gave us. Curtis LeMay is one of the greatest generals the Air Force has ever had, and he was reduced to basically a clownish role in the movie. He was never right, the politicians were never wrong. That sort of thing. I think my favorite character in the movie has to be Robert Kennedy. It was a great performance, and some of his lines about leadership and responsiblity ring very true. Anyway, I'll try to blog more often next week, but don't know how things will go. Laurel, so sorry I missed you yesterday! I was out all day doing an Honor Guard detail for ROTC and when I got home you were offline. As for your idea for Mysterious Realms and mits.com, I think it's great. It would consolidate things and make more content for mits.com as well ^_^ Speaking of websites, ChaoticEmpire.org is open! Spent most of the last two weeks working on a presentable layout and it didn't turn out too badly. CE is basically a central hub for all my sites and home of the large Jrock info site that I'm building. I need to go get my laundry...ja mata! ~Ger
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