Four weddings and a funeral. That's what it's been. I was really hoping that it wouldn't have turned out that way..that it may have been 5 weddings (and no funeral) instead, but alas, it didn't happen. My grandmother died on my brother's 17th birthday, after we all celebrated with t-bones and chocolate cake with white candles..after we had all spent a stressed-out week wondering and waiting...after we decided that it would all be okay. I don't want this entry to seem really sad, because to be honest, I spent little time crying over the whole thing. Sure, it's sad...I'll miss my grandmother more than words can say...I know my grandfather will, but I have never known her to be sad about anything. Not one thing. When she was young her house burned down, she was in a car accident at 19, she cut off all her sister's hair, flowers went dead, cakes went flat, kids got hurt; but she was never, ever sad. So why should I be? Everything was beautiful though..she looked so young in the casket...I could hardly believe it. The flowers were exactly what she would have liked, the service, the people...everything was as it should have been. It felt weird today though, after all is said and done, spending time with my remaining 3 grandparents...the table felt empty..the room felt colder. She's gone now, and we'll all have to get used to it. Everytime I pass by that cemetery I'll know what was you is there...but what is you is somewhere I can't understand yet. I'll miss you, Ganny...we all will..
[posted by lacey on Monday, July 10, 2000 at 01:13 a.m.]

Today (sofar...it's only 11am) is the kind of day where I think everyone is against me. First off, I go to the Y, and my class is cancelled..forever. No prob, there's another one in half an hour. So I kill some time until the class, only to find out it is of the evil STEP variety. Yick. So how bad can it be, right? I should have left..I should have not done a class, but I did it anyways (well, most of it). I was totally lost...there were grown women who knew their way around that plastic box better than I knew my own brother. While they were "going around the world" and "doing the 'V'-step" I just stepped up and down off the stupid step. I hated that class. And to make matters worse, there was a kickboxing portion to the class, and it was the most pitiful excuse for kickboxing I've ever seen in my life. So I'm agitated about stupid stuff.
[posted by lacey on Thursday, July 6, 2000 at 10:56 a.m.]

Yep..not much to say these days. Just hangin out at home, spending time with gavin and our WAY CUTE NEW KITTEN. She's little...she was the runt of the litter, but we both liked her best. She was the last to learn how to walk, but her back legs did this "swimming" motion...and even when kitties are pitiful they are still so incredibly cute. We named her Swimmy. Swimmy swimmy swimmy...it's such a nice change to have something cute and fun around here. We've all been kindof moping around and being overly stressed out around here because of my grandmother. The live hospice is coming tomorrow, if that gives you any idea of where it's all headed. It's not sad to me anymore unless I'm overly tired, then I realize how much I'm going to miss her. It's all just so painful for the family to watch..slowly, slowly....slowly. Yeow.
On a happier note, Jasmine is coming back from Australia on Friday. Yes, she's getting her green card, folks. And the government couldn't have been nicer than to wait until the ABSOLUTE LAST MINUTE before making it happen. She turns 21 on the 12th of July, and yeah, she's gonna get it the day before, I think...and this is all if everything works out and there are no glitches. Good luck, Jaz. In any case, we are planning a nice welcoming party at the airport for her...and we don't do anything quietly. :)
[posted by lacey on Thursday, July 6, 2000 at 01:09 a.m.]

Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz...Why are the commercials for discovery.com so funny? These people have a good thing...not only do they have Discovery, but they have TLC, Animal Planet, and the fabulous Travel Channel! I've decided I need to go work for the Travel Channel so I can go on a vacation--er, "assignment"--like this. I mean, you can't argue with someone who owns a Loch Ness cam, so you can keep an eye out for the monster. THAT is cool. Never been to NYC? I haven't, but I know what it looks like from a live taxi cam. It just keeps getting better...
[posted by lacey on Thursday, June 29, 2000 at 11:12 a.m.]

I have a lot of things I'd like to say tonight..but they are not coming together in my head very well, so I KNOW it's gonna look weird all typed out. For one, I saw the movie Magnolia tonight (with MRM and Liz and mom), which has put me in a very strange mood. I think it's a must-see...but you need to be a movie-thinker to like it. I won't have thought about all the stuff about this film that deserves to be thought about anytime soon, but I know that it was well written, well acted, and really cool cinematographically (is that a word?!? eh..now it is I s'pose). But it was really disturbing, too. I think it's disturbing to me personally because of the lifestyles the characters lead..I can't decide if it's anything else. In any case, it's just a movie :) It really has a lovely website.
I also was listening to the pi soundtrack today. (on a side note, it's too bad there's not an ascii symbol for pi..) This movie was really really really great...everyone and their momma's brother's monkey should rent it. If you have DVD it's even better because all the extra stuff is so great. But anyways, the combination of these two phychological movies on my brain in one day makes me feel like I need to do something lighthearted. I need to go watch cartoons.
I will have a lot of time to think about all of this as I am painting the ceilings of our house this week. It's funny how when you are doing manual labor your thoughts just kind of go in circles. It drives me really crazy to think about something, and 3 minutes later, end up thinking about the same thing again. Over and over for hours. But it will all be worth it because then I will be able to afford something like this. Man, am I tired. Enough. Sorry for the looong chatter... :)
[posted by lacey on Tuesday, June 27, 2000 at 01:29 a.m.]

A new layout for your viewing pleasure. It's about time, eh?! The postcard on the left was sent to me by my friend Benedikte from the Canary Islands. Now THAT'S a cool vacation. Speaking of vacations, go visit my site to see my vacation pictures and other cool stuff. :)
[posted by lacey on Monday, June 26, 2000 at 01:49 a.m.]

Okay, I'll follow the herd and blog Ben Brown's website. Yes, his writing is incredibly entertaining. I just can't help it. Oh, the drama of being in love with a video game character. Hardee har har. But seriously, this guy started Deepleap, which is a very interesting idea. I've really given it a chance but the script errors drive me crazy...so I'll just try again later. Good idea though...Especially for the blog crazy. Go read about it.
[posted by lacey on Thursday, June 22, 2000 at 12:36 p.m.]

Via Michael's weblog I read the entry at mop.diaryland.com. I think everyone needs to read this. I did hear about this on cspan, but I did not hear many details..just saw video footage and felt really really angry that these things happen. I could talk for hours on this subject...I have felt so much anger about the abuse of women...it's only been recently that I've been able to not be so suspicious and mad. I took yoga to try and calm down. I stopped playing violent sports. I don't know that I even dealt with it..I think I just got desensitized to it. That's even sicker. If I lived in New York I would have gone to that protest. The belief in the equality of men and women is essential. Don't "detail" me to death either (I'm sure some folks can think of a few). It's not about that...it's about knowing that women are not objects...and to prey on our physical differences is sick, immoral, and disgusting. Now I'm all mad. Argh.
[posted by lacey on Sunday, June 18, 2000 at 10:28 p.m.]

I just saw the "Goodbye Earl" video by the Dixie Chicks. I have to admit, when I first heard this song I never in a million years thought that they would release it. I am SO glad they did though. This is the funniest thing since Fried Green Tomatoes. According to the girls' site the earl song has 38% of the world's favorite tunes on that CD. Interesting...
[posted by lacey on Thursday, June 15, 2000 at 05:07 p.m.]

WOW this page is sadly in need of a redesign. But I haven't felt like doing anything webby lately. Please, don't drop dead. I have been so tired...I have a really fitfull sleep at night then I wake up tired and sleep for hours during the day. Very strange. But's it's thrown my body out of whack and I'm not really sure what time it is anymore. Odd.
ANYWAYS, I went to the eye doctor yesterday because I've been getting computer headaches. According to the tests, I have great vision (w/o glasses!) but then he shared with me something I KNEW I had to put on here. Normally, we blink about 14 times a minute. When we look at a computer monitor, we only blink 4 times a minute!!! Of course, this is not good. So he suggested to me to put some preservative-free artificial tears on my desk and remember to use them every hour or so. Hmph..interesting...
[posted by lacey on Thursday, June 15, 2000 at 04:02 p.m.]

Oh my goodness, I'm so sucked into this site. I thought I was just clicking around but then realized I was really reading all of her entries. And happy birthday to her! Her writing is really entertaining (for lack of more sensitive word) and her subject matter seems extraordinary to me, for some reason. Wow.
[posted by lacey on Tuesday, June 13, 2000 at 01:52 a.m.]

I am now back from my vacation. I am a bit sunburned and it is itchy and uncomfortable, but my family insists that the "color looks good" on me. Hm. But anyways I'm in dire need of a full night's sleep..tomorrow I'll work on a new layout for this site. I think I might already have an idea.. Just to let you know the wedding I attended was beautiful and perfect beyond belief. To give you a little glimpse: there was a nice pool at the house where it all was, and in it there were rose petals. Then when it got dark, floating candles were lit and set afloat. It was really really really beautiful. That's it. Night..
[posted by lacey on Monday, June 12, 2000 at 12:29 a.m.]

It's the ALL ABOUT WEDDINGS special here at lacey.pitas.com. I am not getting married. Not until July 27, 2002, according to emode.com anyways (and boy I better get cracking, let me tell ya)...but a lot of my friends seem to be taking their vows. One such friend, Minou, will be getting married to Rob this coming Saturday in Pensacola, Florida. So I'm getting to go have fun at a wedding and go have fun on the beach at the same time..woo! In celebration of all this (and my last-minute gift needs) I will share with all of you my internet preperations for this event. Visit my main site for all the vacation details. Stay right here for the wedding stuff.
I started out at the best place: Martha Stewart Weddings to get in the girly wedding mood. I think that did it. I learned all about different shapes of diamonds (sigh..) and even got psyched for the cake. Sad, eh? Well I have a good reason because Minou and I really like cake...we were eating it together at Mouzhan's wedding...so I know hers is gonna be great. :)
Then I thought, Hey, why didn't I get a gift?!?!! I know she's registered at Crate and Barrel and also Target. I was a bum when I was in Georgia I didn't go to C&B, so now I am going to Target. Fortunately, what I want to give them is not taken on the C&B registry, but is available at Target! Guess where I'll be going tomorrow...yep, too late to order online. I am so looking forward to this. I know Minou's not reading this, but GOOD LUCK anyways!! And Allah'u'abha!!
[posted by lacey on Tuesday, June 6, 2000 at 01:28 a.m.]

I thought I would take this opportunity to extend this warning to anyone out there home for the summer. If you do not have a job, your parents WILL put you to work. This has been my experience with not only myself, but with other friends of mine. I was able to think about all this as I was digging up trees yesterday in the heat, on my hands and knees pulling up weeks, spreading fertilizer and pine mulch, and dragging wheelbarrows full of dead bushes and trees to the back of our property, which is laden with mosquitoes and ticks. Ugh. I hate to be whiny but I really hate bugs sometimes. Especially when you are UNDER a friggen pine tree trying to chisel the root from hell out from under 6 inches of dead leaves and pine needles in the inferno that is the southern United States. And it doesn't end there. This week's project is, of course, to finish up outside first off and then to paint the ceiling inside the house. Yes, the whole thing. It's a big ceiling, too. Although maybe I shouldn't complain about that because it's inside and there's a/c. If you find yourself in this predicament, being a manual labor slave to your parents, this is my advice: have a sense of humor. Joke with your mom about dynamite instead of shovels. Take the opportunity to laugh at how silly you look, or think about driving by and seeing all this happen, then laugh at that. It's important to see that it will all be over once the sun goes down, and that maybe, just maybe, you'll have worn your parents out so much that day, that they will be too tired to initiate any new project the next. Heh heh..
[posted by lacey on Monday, June 5, 2000 at 01:22 p.m.]

I am Jack's total admiration for Jill.
[posted by lacey on Sunday, June 4, 2000 at 02:44 a.m.]

I am Jack's total lack of sleep.
[posted by lacey on Saturday, June 3, 2000 at 03:32 a.m.]

This is so annoying.
[posted by lacey on Friday, June 2, 2000 at 07:33 p.m.]

I had been practicing for hours what I was going to say to him, how I would say it, how I wouldn't get mad and how it would all end on a good note. I walked taller, punched harder in aerobox that morning, and drove faster to get myself psyched for the event. It was all about to happen..I felt like I should make a list of reasons as to why I was about to do this, but I didn't want to make it a speech..just short and quick. I somehow ended up inside the office walking towards the back room where he and his angelic wife were sitting. He did not look up. I said, "um, you guys, today will be my last day. It's just not working out like I had planned." His wife smiled at me and said, "okay." He didn't turn around in his chair. So I said all this to the high back of a leather chair. I sat at the computer to retrieve some files I had created then I emailed them to myself, they wished me luck and I was off. That's it...that's how I quit my job.
[posted by lacey on Friday, June 2, 2000 at 01:17 a.m.]

[from The Hidden Words of Baha'u'llah]
36. O SON OF MAN! Rejoice in the gladness of thine heart, that thou mayest be worthy to meet Me and to mirror forth My beauty.
For Miriam on her 21st :)
[posted by lacey on Wednesday, May 31, 2000 at 02:50 p.m.]

On my dad's motorcycle we slolomed through trees, over gravel, down straight roads and twisty ones. Every time we would get near the river the air would get significantly colder and I would hunch down further behind him, so he would block the freezing air. We were the only people on the road..it seemed such a shame to me that most people were in cars, because things just seemed more exhilarating on the back of a bike. Driving past my high school, cow pastures, friends' houses past and present made me think a lot of what things used to be like I guess. Things haven't changed that much. It's like an ingredient is missing from the sandwich of time. That's all. Just a little bit. Dad stopped the bike on a long stretch of road on a concrete bridge, cut the motor, and turned off the headlight. We sat there over the river in the dark listening to the river creatures and breathing the wonderful fresh air. I leaned over from my seat on the back and touched the concrete rail of the bridge: still warm from the afternoon, though the air around us was chilly. I looked up and around..barely able to distinguish the shillouettes of the trees from the sky, and dad said, "Dark, isn't it?" He was as awed as I was at how alone we were out there. It was truly beautiful. We stared for a few more minutes and then decided to take off, back to the real world. This is where I am now...where my mind has been living for the past three years..on that bridge at night, over the river. Perhaps though, I'm in a truck instead...
[posted by lacey on Tuesday, May 30, 2000 at 10:31 p.m.]

It dawned on me yesterday how many hours I've been spending on the computer lately. I was outside and it was just a bit after sunset. There was a nice breeze that wafted by and it smelled so good..like plants and non-humidity, if that makes sense. All my dreams lately are about html and art...and all my time is spent on the computer and at the Y. So I'm goign to take a little more time to enjoy what's around, I think. I'm planning a trip for around the 7th of June for Pensacola with my friend Liz, and I think it'll do me good. My friend Minou is getting married, and my other good friend Erica(vash) lives there as well..so it will be carefree beach fun without a computer. I'm gonna read more. Big, fat books that take weeks to read and are overly philosophical with a lot of action. I really like those. Maybe I'll have something new to say when I get back :)
[posted by lacey on Monday, May 29, 2000 at 03:58 p.m.]

Today I am inspired to post the top 10 most overplayed songs on the radio, according to me (since I don't know all the names I left descriptions of some of them)

10.Red Hot Chili Peppers - the other side song
9.christina a. - the mom song
8.n'sync - it's gonna be me
7.britney - the red pleather suit song
6.matchbox20 - bent
5.3rd eye blind - the toe tappin' song (it's every good reason...tap tap ta-tap, tap tap ta-tap..)
4.creed - arms wide open
3.Vertical Horizon - everything you want song
2.pink - song with video game noises
1.vitamic c - the graduation song

(thanks to Billboard for helping me out) It's not that I don't like these songs...well, some of them..I just know all the words and I wish that there was more variety of music on the radio these days. Mix it up a little, for gosh sakes. I wish there were a good college radio station around here. I am out of range. Sheesh..
[posted by lacey on Sunday, May 28, 2000 at 03:21 p.m.]

as seen on my site
I don't quite know what happened to me. I decided to turn down the street that seemed way too familiar for the time I was gone before I knew what I was doing. I was driving very slowly..noticing everything. New houses, old houses, fields, cows, new cars, new people...it was all different but at the same time is was as if not one thing had changed. All of a sudden I was thinking and remembering how many times I walked this street with my parents and the dog. I remembered riding horses in the field next door. I remember lying in the field next to my house. It was gone now, but it felt the same. I saw the neighbors...then I saw it. The yellow home that I knew for so many years. It looked exactly the same. It always surprised me how yellow it was...it was a nice contrast to the strong green of the trees we could never get to grow. They were still very skinny, but they were tall and the wind was swaying them. I was turning the corner before I realized I was crying. I couldn't tell if I was happy to be back or grieving. The street was just too familiar. It's been over 3 years but it felt like I never left in some ways. I thought about what my family had been through since then...health, school, news...it all came to me in about 3 seconds. The bad jobs I worked. Doctors for my mom and how my grandmother deteriorated. How the dog grew older and deafer and more paranoid. My brother's popularity. My dad's terrible commute every day. The daily stress of the new place pushing us further and further away from the peace we once knew. I remembered my best friends. I remembered drama from things that don't matter anymore. I really wanted the bad things to happen again if only they could happen here instead. It would all have been better. It would all have been different.
[posted by lacey on Saturday, May 27, 2000 at 09:27 p.m.]

So in protest of me not being able to figure out my ftp situation on my main site and consequently, not being able to use blogger, I turn to pitas. I like my new url; short, about me, short...yes I think it will do.
..and this whole TEMPLATE thing!?! I thought they would be terrible but they are really nice and hey, they save me a lot of headache. So this is it now...the freshly-templated lacey.pitas.com.

[posted by lacey on Saturday, May 27, 2000 at 07:34 p.m.]