I've manage to injure my ankle without participating in any sports. It was a bed-end that did it. I
accidentally hit the most delicate part of my right ankle (where all the nerves are) into the sharpest
edge of the bed. Ouch!
Still hurts now, although it happened over 24 hours ago. Feels as though I sprained it. Gah. It's been
years since I sprained my ankle(s). I've always had weak legs, especially ankle-wise. Hmm, I think this is
my fourth injury to my right ankle, not including the little twists. Have to wear an ankle guard to work
to help support my ankle. I feel like an game character putting on new equipment. ^_^
Its not all bad though. My bf volunteered to drive me to and fro from work today =) Nyahaha, feel so
pampered! ^__^
As far as I can recall, I've always been rather clumsy. I've stubbed my toes countless times, walked
into doors (have bad sense of judgement), have cuts and bruises which mysteriously turn up (sometimes I
don't notice them), etc. I think the worse time was cutting my thumb while peeling a mandarin orange.
Bleargh.
Hence, in future, when I buy my own house, I shall remember to steer clear of all potentially harmful
furniture (up to a certain extent. Sometimes, I just can't resist aesthetic values). Of course, I don't
want the house to look like the dwellings of a mental institution, but a little care won't hurt (no pun
intended).
Monday, June 30, 2003
03:47 p.m.
Self-Reflection
Perhaps this has been bothering me for quite a bit. But being the 'baka' that I am, have always managed to push to aside. It could be the cause of my recent mood swings and much more. I got the chance to really think about it during the drive home yesterday.
I'll be 22 soon. Thinking back, when I was 14, I didn't picture myself like this at 21. I didn't have definite expectations, but I had some goals. There are traits in others which I admire, but which I don't have. I'd like to make that change now. I want to be someone more than the me I am at the moment (and a tough task this is. I mean, me to beat me? =P )
2003 has been a terrible year for me. Right from the start. I entered the year with a full month worth of depression. Frequently got into foul moods (road rage included) and temper tantrums. It's becoming more difficult to hold the anger back, thus leading to increased violence levels. I simply want to hit or break things (am thinking of learning kendo or kickboxing to vent anger). Doubt anger management will work- sometimes trying to cool me down will the add fuel to the fire.
The encounters with the 'unseen' were also terrible, and for a while, I was messed up. I've pulled myself together since then, and am no longer terrified by 'it'. Nowadays, when I occasionally get that feeling I simply tell it to go away. I hate it.
Seems like most of the year that has passed has been governed by hate. You'd think those rebellious years would have passed by now, but I'm a late bloomer. And I'm slowly turning into a jaded, burnt-out, angry 22 year-old. But I refuse to let that happen.
I thought of how I'd like me to be. I want to be more assertive, decisive, spontaneous, neat(er), and there's much more to that list but I can't remember all of it now. Most importantly, I want to be taken seriously at work. I don't want to portray that little girl/ fresh graduate persona. I have to remind myself:
'I'm be turning 22 soon. I'm not that insecure teenager anymore. I will speak up for myself. And I refuse to be ignored.'
I want to be seen and heard. If that means being more aggresive, so be it. If I have an opinion about a certain something which is relevant to my work, I will voice it out. I am not 14 anymore. I refuse to let others take advantage and bug me with their work. If you have something that you have to do, I won't do it for you. I will only help you. You'll have to walk the plank by yourself.
For some, it may be strange to come up with a new year's resolution only after half the year has passed. Well, better now than never. Of course, changes don't happen overnight, but at least, I'll make effort in baby steps. After all, I wouldn't want to shock everyone.
Saturday, June 28, 2003
10:10 a.m.
I am Tired
Beware: Non-sensical rant.
I am indeed very tired. But I am stubborn. I am more stubborn than I am tired. Stubborn more. Tired less. Will play SIMs again tonight. Regardless of current state. Sleep is secondary to PS2. Love PS2. Hugs to PS2. I want to sleep. But only at work.
Also feeling very bratty. I want Blackwood Farm. I want it now. I think I've finished almost all the good Lestat/Louis fics out there (which aren't many). I want my book. Why isn't my book out yet? Make the book come out now. I want. *pouts*
Work over. Yes. Go home. Good.
Friday, June 27, 2003
05:32 p.m.
It's the hair, isn't it?
Watched a bit of MTV Movie Awards 2003 the other day. Just realised how absolutely gorgeous Hugh Jackman can look! I truly couldn't recognise him. Take a look at the Hall of Obsession! Isn't he absolutely drool worthy? *swoons*
Love his hair! So pretty! KIREI! Hehehe, and all I can think about are slashy thoughts, though I'm not so much of an RPS fan. =D V. tired now. Want to rant more about him, but brain can't seem to find the words. Like Hani and TJ, I too am a sucker for punishment. Can't seem to stop self from playing SIMs...
I've added a short entry on the International Weblog. Not my best little essay (still having not-blog author's block). Well, check it out if you've got free time. =)
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
05:19 p.m.
A Little Bit of Nothing
Not-blog author's block? Perhaps so. Pretty dazed out. Lack of sleep (which my parents have begun to
notice) brings lack of coherent thoughts. Also, am in hungry-phase. Keep wanting to munch something all
day long. It's a monthyly thing...
Sigh, think MPH staff may have misled me. Looks like book isn't out in paperback- I checked amazon.com. It's only out in October. Uuuuu, long wait. Don't know if
I can wait that long... The agony!
SIM update: My SIM is an outrageous flirt. Currently three-timing in her love life with 2
guys and a girl (nyahahaha, so slashiness will work after all). I wonder if SIMs can get jealous. Shall
try that tonight. Of course, out of the 3, I have a favourite. I'll just pit the other 2 against each
other. After all, what fun is there to play nice?
Also currently lacking in favourite Lestat quotes. Must remind self to re-read books. Later. Maybe. If I'm not too tired. I hope.
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
04:30 p.m.
Happy or Sad?
Went hunting for Blackwood Farm yesterday. Went to MPH and enquired about the book. Good news: It's out in paperback =) Bad news: It's COMPLETELY out of stock and there aren't any branches of MPH with the book.
Slightly disappointed with lack of stock, though delighted that I can get it without spending at least RM90. I'm hoping that it got sold out (hence the lack of stock) =)
Can't decide whether I'm happy or sad... Of course, I'd be happier if I already owned a copy and then it got sold out. Anyhow, the MPH staff I spoke to said he'd call me today after he checks with the supplier. *hopehopehope for good news*
I want Monday to end. I'm feeling all crabby. Gah.
Random moment: Yesterday, while searching for car park, I saw a guy who looked EXACTLY like Boon! The similarities were like 'PWHOAR!' He had the same haircut (also dyed!), same face , same fair skin, same build, etc! Of course, there were some slight similarites, which made it not-Boon, such as his height (unless Boon suddenly had a growth spurt) and a penchant of shiny blue football jerseys.
A Quote from Lestat:
Revenge is the concern of those who are at some point beaten. I am not beaten, I told myself. No, not beaten. And victory is far more interesting to contemplate than revenge.
Monday, June 23, 2003
12:36 p.m.
Reason to be Glad
The Afterlife of Eternity is no.1 in the www.msn.com.my search for 'Lestat'. I am so very happy. =D
Have visited several sites looking for Lestat quotes. Hmm, I'm inspired to go read all the books again and compile my own collection of favourite quotes. *dreamy look* Unfortunately, need to replenish sleep (and some sanity & coherence) first. =(
Tell me how obsessed I am. It makes me feel so good!"
A Quote from Lestat:
I swear to God I don't tell lies to others. But I lie to myself.
Friday, June 20, 2003
01:24 p.m.
Remorse of the Game Junkie/ Obsesssion Addict
Am utterly spent. Obsessing over several things all at once is SO not good for my physical and mental health. Currently in state of extreme fatigue. Want to sleep. I'm so very tired. It's been a whole week of insufficient rest, and it's really starting to show.
Aside from that, am happy to state that I've found out Lestat's birthday. It's 7th November 1760. That'll make him 243 years old this year. Oh, did I mention that I like older men? ^__^ Also have added new item into wishlist. I wonder where I can find 'Interview with the Vampire' manga? I hope its still in print. *hopehopehope*
A Quote from Lestat:
It's an awful truth that suffering can deepen us, give a greater luster to our colors, a richer resonance to our words. That is, if it doesn't destroy us, if it doesn't burn away the optimism and the spirit, the capacity for visions, and the respect for simple yet indispensable things.
So close! You are an Almost-Geek!
You love your sci-fi, computer and video games, and keeping up to date with the world of technology. Though you try and keep one foot in the real world, you may find people hard to deal with and prefer to keep most of your relationships virtual, but you do make the effort to interact with the real world.
Imagine a man facing a cardiac arrest. He's on the verge of death, but given two jolts of electricity,
he comes back to life. Put that in a different scenario, and you have my computer. Yes, it's dying, and I
don't have enough money (or more accurately, prefer to spend money on feeding obsessions) to repair it.
The motherboard is slowly but surely konk-king out. I know. How? Because a small piece of it broke of in
my hand last night. Wasn't anything important (whew!)... Just one RAM slot out of commission.
My computer's health has been frail, and has gone into several 'cardiac arrests' in the last year. Each
time, I manage to 'jolt' it and so far, I've been lucky. Seriously considering going into PC repair
business =) . After all, already have basic skills, might as well get moeny for it. Plus, its not all that
difficult- Just incredibly tedious. Gah. Need more money to fuel obsessions.
Update: Lestat obsession escalating. Will buy Blackwood Farm this weekend! *hopehopehope* Have located
wonderful site full of Lestat related fanficion. It really is quite difficult to find, cause Anne Rice has
banned all fanfictions (at least that's what I heard) based on her novels. Found a couple of interesting
ones. Huzzah! Probably have to start a webpage to keep track of all my favourite fics. =)
Non-sensical moment: Watched Liam Lynch's MTV 'United States of Whatever'. V. funny! The song has
almost no content whatsoever, and yet, I like it lots! Watch it if you can!
Thursday, June 19, 2003
12:43 p.m.
Heightening Obsession
More and more obsessed with Lestat. Following paragraph has been removed for several reasons
SIMs v.v. addictive too. I'll have the weekend (hopefully) to recover lost sleep. Or maybe not. I might just keep playing and playing. Currently, my SIM has moved out and has a job. She's in the Army! It pays double compared to any other job. Downside is that, she might get called to war, but what are the chances of that happening, right? Oooh, I wonder when I can add additional characters into the game...
Want to play SIMs! Want Lestat! Want .hack//Liminality! Argh!!!
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
02:36 p.m.
Hanyan
Those who are familiar with Card Captor Sakura will know the term 'hanyan', which was used to describe Sakura's feelings whenever she met Yukito. Its a kind of happy feeling, not really euphoric, just warm and happy. You'll feel a smile tugging at your lips, a faint blush gracing your cheeks, your heart beating just a bit faster. And best of all, when you take a deep breath, and exhale, you feel the warmth and satisfaction of just being 'hanyan'.
I was definitely 'hanyan' yesterday. Before then, I never really knew what it meant. I read about it, thought I understood it, but never felt it. So, you may ask, why the feeling now?
I'm all hanyan just knowing that Lestat is alive and well. My Lestat, he's OK! HANYANNNNN! I noticed Anne Rice's latest book Blackwood Farm some months ago. Didn't pay too much attention to it, because of the lack of Lestat-related content in her last few books. However, Blackwood Farm is different. Although is not a complete Lestat book, he'll be playing a BIG part (I hope hope hope). His role is mainly to advise and guide a fresh young vampire, from the clutches of an evil spirit. This book will unite Anne Rice's vampires and witches. Wheee.
*sniff* Lestat's all grown up. He's more mature (mmmm, mmmmm, I just lurve older men), and calmer now, compared to the earlier books. Oh, I'm so glad he's OK. Eeeeeeee! HANYANNNNNN! *takes DEEP breath and exhales* MUST HAVE BOOK! WILL SEARCH ALL BOOKSTORES NEXT!
Also, in the excitement of finding out my beloved is well, I did 3 'How Well Do You Know Lestat' tests in Quizilla. Needless to say, all the tests reported that I know Lestat better than he knows himself. In a way, that's scary. But then, he's a vampire. What's he got to be scared about, right?
Here's a random question that I'd like to ask- Nina called me up yesterday to ask some questions on Harry Potter for her next article. *embarrasing moment* I couldn't answer the question on why I read Harry Potter, aside from potential slash content. So, what valid reasons are there for reading HP (not including yummy Snape, lucious Lucius, etc)? Are there any other reasons?
Psst: I got hooked on HP through HP slash first. Heheheh. Imagine that- because of the slash fictions, I bought the books. Hmmm, its normally the other way round, isn't it?
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
09:21 a.m.
Excessive Gaming
I'm suffering. I'm suffering as I write this entry at work. Due to lack of self constraint, have been PS2-ing and completely neglecting sleep amount required. Have roughly slept about 6 hours per night during weekend. Argh! That's half of my weekend intake! Exhausted. Need to take leave soon...
I'm proud to announce that I've completed .hack/INFECTION (pt. 1 of 4). Yay me! Although have beaten end boss and special boss, have yet to complete all the little 'sidequests' which will allow me to view the OVA locked in the game. Just a little more to go...
Aside from that, have also gotten hooked to SIMs. The SIMs really are v. funny. After reading entries from TJ and Hani , have decided to start own soap drama. Hmmm, for a first time SIMs player, I think I'm pretty bad. My SIM doesn't have much fun and is rather anti-social. Also, she swears a lot. Currently, she's living with her mother, is unemployed and can barely cook without starting a fire. When I forgot to control her mother, she was awake for 24 hours straight; watched TV at 2am (waking my SIM up), watered the plants at 3am and proceeded to turn on the stereo at 4am. My SIM kept swearing everytime she got woken up. Actually, it was all rather entertaining =)
Hmmm, I wonder when I get to add in all the other extra SIMs.
Hmmm, I wonder if I can make SIM slash...
Oooof, feel soooo sleepy right now.
Random thought: my SIM swears when she's sleepy (ie. out of energy). My bf remarks on the striking resemblence between me and my SIM. Do I swear when I'm tired? Gah. I wish I could sleep now, instead of endure another 7 hours at work. Woe is the excessive gamer.
Monday, June 16, 2003
10:27 a.m.
I am Genius
I FOUND IT! I found my beloved .hack//EXTRA soundtrack! After 18 pages of googling today (not to mention the time I spent in the last 2 days), I've FINALLY found it! As TJ would put it, 'HUZZAH! HUZZAH!
Spent countless hours browsing through a sea of non-helpful sites, and tons of pages harping 'Hey, I've got what you're looking for on my playlist'. Gah! Double gah! I braved through non-English sites (which I couldn't understand), evil ftp servers that wouldn't let me log on, misleading broken links- gee, this almost sounds like a typical fairytale. Hmmm, poor clueless (maybe obsessed might be a better word) child goes through evil labyrinth full of traps to reach 'the sacred item'. Mwahahahaha, guess what? I've GOT the darn item now!!!
Now, should I be evil and keep this info to myself, or should I help the needy? I don't know. I really don't know. Oh well, we'll see if and when the time comes. I'm not sure why I'm doing this, but I have a terrible urge to gloat about my remarkable find.
I am Genius, if I must say so myself. ^-^
Thursday, June 12, 2003
01:48 p.m.
The Addict
Honestly, I can't help myself anymore. I've developed a horrible obsessive compulsive behaviour to perpetually search and download anime/ game OSTs. In fact, to be perfectly honest, its not just mp3s. Its everything anime/game related. Manga scanlations, wallpaper, winamp skins, EVERYTHING! Really, this is quite terrible. Perhaps even more terrible than the phase where I wanted to bite everyone's heads off. Its wanting to snarl at/ bite anyone who dares to interrupt my downloading (ie, giving me work).
I keep telling myself, just one more. Just one more mp3. Just one more chapter of the scanlation, but I can't stop. Oh no! I just feel so... compelled. Must have more. Right now, I've completed Chobits OST1, and in the midst of X OST1 (TV Series). MUST HAVE MORE, DAMNIT!
Nothing much to blog about except overwhelming obsession. Ah yes, if anyone know of where I can download the .hack//EXTRA OST, please please please do tell me. I've been going crazy looking for it! Must have... must have... I must have it!
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
03:58 p.m.
Otaku Rampage
Brain going on overload. Mental images of young, hot Prof Snape and shirtless Lucious Lucius in brain can short-circuit one's brain. Eeeeeee! *swoons* Have decided that I LOVE the tiger beer commercial (yes, the very poser one), because it has a young Snape lookalike! Eeeee! Professor Snape! Yes, will download the commercial! AIE!
Twas actually having a pretty bad day in the morning. Only managed a mere 2-3 hours worth of sleep due to insane heat. Gah, also slept in weird position, thus contributing to backache. Eyes felt slightly burning and was intending to get MC if I couldn't manage to pull through the day.
But thanks to Fabs for Chobits OST1 link, have considerably brightened up. Also, thoughts of young, hot, Professor Snape sneering very helpful. Heeeeeeee =D
Monday, June 9, 2003
05:29 p.m.
2 Sides Of The Same Coin
Sometimes, I feel like two people. No, I don't think I'm schizophrenic. But the messed up emotions are difficult to identify and clear up. Probably everyone who's working will know what I'm talking about. At work, you have to put on a different personality. You've got to act, or at least, look professional. So, even if you're a normally cheerful or easy-going person, you've got to put on your work persona during those terrible hours of the day.
As a fresh graduate, sometimes you get a little over-idealistic. You want to maintain your sense of fun, while at the same time, doing the corporate 'thang'. Sadly, it doesn't work that way (no pun intended). Over-enthusiastic fresh graduates get pushed with work. A lot of it. People just throw it to you cause you're so 'easy-going'. That really sucks. Nowadays, I normally maintain a solemn attitude at work. I hate people chucking their work in my face. It's your own bloody job and you get paid for it (much more than my whole month's salary for ONE lousy piece of writeup, which you copied mostly of the Internet anyway!) so you finish that work! My apologies, I just had to let that out. My gawd, that man really pisses me off.
For the people who can guess who it is, good for you. Anyway, I shan't go into names.
Frankly, as a person, I don't think I'm too hard to get along with. I may not be chummy with many people, but at the same time, I don't put them on my 'exile' list. I'm just 'OK' with everyone. But I've learnt it that you've got to be 'no-nonsense' in the office. The environment in which I work in does not consist of many people my age. In fact, almost everyone of my colleagues is about 30 years and above. I feel so much older when I'm at the office. It's when I'm with the YCCians, that I remember that I'm only 21, and still have a couple of months before 22.
That's why I really love my weekends. Please let Friday end soon.
Friday, June 6, 2003
10:17 a.m.
The Finding Nemo Experience
I finally got to watch it last night. I actually planned to watch it on Tuesday, but unfortunately had to stay back a little after work. Too rush, didn't want to race to the cinema like a madman, so cancelled that plan. And then, there was Wednesday. Tickets are half price on Weds. Sadly, it rained like crazy, and the highway got really jammed. Ended up late (again!) and all the tickets were sold out. =( Can you believe it? I had to drag my poor bf (who had to put up with a very unhappy me) from one cineplex to another (which was also sold out. GAH!) So finally, settled for Thursday, and bought the darn tickets in advance so wouldn't have to go through hell again.
So, was it worth all the trouble? Well, the movie was pretty great, and I certainly wouldn't mind re-watching it. But if I had to go through the entire process again (which I shall not elaborate in further detail for fear of exposing the brat that I am =P;; ), I'd politely decline.
Friday, June 6, 2003
09:29 a.m.
Not Today Dear
No blog entry today, except this little announcement to say that there's no entry of substance today. I've written a short entry for the International Weblog . If you really miss my entries, you can read it there =P . I'll be writing on the International Weblog about once a month, so I'll let you guys know when I've written something there.
I'm going to watch Finding Nemo tonight! Wheeee!
To TJ: Shikari shitte! Ganbatte Okaasan! Hope the foot is well, and ganglion free ^-^
Wednesday, June 4, 2003
04:41 p.m.
Bwahahahaha!
I know this is not supposed to be funny, but I couldn't help laughing when I found this article. There's just something that made it very funny. Or maybe my brain isn't working properly today. I'm going Chobits and .hack CRAZY!!!
2 Million Pirated Discs Seized in Malaysia
Includes video game and movie discs...
KUALA LUMPUR (May 27, 2003) – In a recent crackdown, Malaysia officers seized nearly 2 million pirated video game and movie discs. Games such as Sony Playstation's IndyCar Series and X-Men – The Next Generation were among the pirated discs. These discs amounted to a street value of 25.5 million ringgit (or $6.7 million). Three people were arrested by Malaysia police force on Monday in the capital Kuala Lumpur. Apparently, the place of arrest was the distribution center of the pirated video game and movie discs. A second crack down occurred in Shah Alam, just south of Kuala Lumpur, produced a smaller haul. Malaysia officers reported that, according to distributor invoices they found, many discs were shipped to other countries such as South Africa.
Malaysia has been trying to track down the selling of illegal discs. In order to avoid illegal copying, authorities have also run spot checks of licensed disc manufacturers' factories.
I had a strange dream last night. I dreamt I got killed. Shot in the heart. It wasn't how I expected it to be...
In the dream, I was part of a group, which consisted of 5 people, none of which I've seen in my normal waking hours. Ever. Anyway, we were some sort of freedom fighting group, I think. I remember the scene of where I 'died'. It was near this pond/ lake, which had a grey stone wall surrounding it.
We were outnumbered by the bad guys in this area. We were also weapon-less. They had covered the only exit, and they were going to execute us. Maybe this sounds clichéd, but they were going to let us choose our method of execution. One of the team members tried to escape. He was shot in the back twice.
All of us chose the gun. I was the last to go. It was a female baddie that killed me. I asked for a bullet in the heart. I remember anticipating the blow, but it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. I remember still standing there, although my body had fallen.
And then I woke up, clutching my heart. Gosh, I'm still here, whew!
Tuesday, June 3, 2003
01:37 p.m.
Me? A Vegetarian?!
I had vegetarian dinner last night. It was a family dinner, so I didn't have much of a choice, otherwise, I'd have voted for some good ol' western. Oooh, I want meat! Ah, a juicy medium-rare slab of red meat. Mmmm, the thought alone makes me hungry. Anyway, I stray from the topic. It was weird having vegetarian, though this is not my first vegetarian meal. I had assam fish, roast pork, curry mutton (all made of bean curd). Hmmm, its incredible how they can re-create the texture of the meat. Especially for the curry mutton- I had a little trouble with that. But there was an aftertaste (that reminded me of mushrooms) so it's disguise as meat wasn't 100% perfect.
Hmmm, vegetarian restaurant is where veggies disguise themselves as meat...
Anyway, pretty much confirmed to help out subsidiary now. I can't tell whether it'd be good or bad for my mental health. Maybe a little change will do me good? Their office is still in the same building, so there's not much of a location difference. However, I will be away from my place more often, so there goes my little online habits? Or maybe not. Probably will be using notebook, as have to be mobile between two offices. Somehow, having a notebook now, doesn't seem as glamorous as it would have been like a year ago. Notebooks are so heavy... and so tedious to take care of.
I do hope I don't have to stay back after working hours. Its so demoralising to have to stay back- I wanna go home and play games! In my opinion, 9-5 should be the only working hours, and people should only work on weekdays. Why bother with weekends? It's a HUGE waste of electricity, and people usually aren't productive. They just want to go home and get on with their own life. Argh- I wish I didn't have to work Saturdays.
Ah well, here's to hoping for the better. *takes great big sip of green tea*
