First Crush

First crushes always stick in your mind. When I was young(er) I was always very loyal with my crushes (or has how Robbie Williams puts it: Serial Monogamy).

In fact, I didn't have all many crushes. If I were to count them now, I'd say I had a grand total of two.

Truth be told, I had a major crush on a guy before Lestat. Imagine that. Gosh, I was really young then, perhaps about 11 years old.

He was a swimmer, like me, but we came from different clubs. He was very popular, and I do not doubt that he had his own fan base. Aside from those good looks and the gold medals he kept winning, he had incredible charisma.

How long is a crush supposed to last? This one lasted years. But it wasn't an everyday kind of thing, because I only met him during inter-club competitions. It was a pity I didn't see him at training (which, looking back, was probably a blessing in disguise).

By the way, my Lestat obsession only began when I was 14.

And nowadays, my crushes are rarely ever so endearing. And they change oh-so very often. Strangely, the ones that I had earlier always stick. Well, most of them do anyway.

I <3 Brett.
I <3 Sephiroth.
I <3 Lestat.

So, you may be thinking, why talk about crushes now? That's because, after a long LONG time, I had a dream about my first crush. The unique thing about this dream was how my crush had aged in my dream. Normally, in my dreams, they don't age. They always look the same. Or maybe, it's too much of the Lestat influence.

The last time I met him was about 4 years ago. He looked so much more mature in the dream. In fact, he wore glasses and dressed more like an adult rather than a yuppie.

But in my dream, they were very civil. In fact, Alan was completely ok when my crush leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. Wow.

A pity I woke up right after that, huh?

Wednesday, December 24, 2003
11:39 a.m.

Outcast

Remember a time when you thought only teenagers had problems fitting in?

If that were the case, I'm either a late bloomer, or I happen to have a long teenhood.

Why do I feel so misplaced?

Like everyone around doesn't understand me. And they don't want to either.

Do you get that too?

Do you wonder why your colleagues are in groups and there's no one for you?

Do you wonder how to talk to your colleagues? You find the need to search for some simple general small talk? You can't freely talk to them.

You go home. You sit and stare at the phone. You wonder who you can talk to. And then you think, why would they even care? Why trouble them with something of your own?

You push it to the back of your mind. Get something to distract yourself. Anything.

PS2.
DVD.
Book.
Fanfic.
Piano.

So what if it's bad for you? So what if these are the makings of the psychopath?

Would it have made a difference if you spoke? Wouldn't they have looked at you differently then? Would they have understood you in the end?

You know what? In the end, we are all lonely individuals.

Monday, December 22, 2003
03:23 p.m.

The Website

After long last, it's uploaded.

Well, sort of anyway. This is just the beta version of the site. Better to at least have something on cyberspace than none at all.

Feel free to check out The Afterlife Extension.

It's a little empty right now. And the design is rather bare- I'll deal with that later. Most of the data which I plan to upload isn't up yet. But for now, you can check out the Fandom- Cosplay section. I've uploaded the photos taken by Fabs during the Comic Convention on the 6th of Dec 2003.

Comments and suggestion on web design will be much appreciated, although I won't be able to create heavy-duty graphics or animation (who wants to clog up those sad modem dial-ups anyway?). Less eye-candy, but more functionality, ne? Course, I'll try put in whatever eye-candy I can when I have more time to toy around with the design.

Friday, December 19, 2003
04:31 p.m.

Missing the Love

I've hardly time to sit down and enjoy my Snarry love. I feel so deprived.

I need to see Harry comfort his Snape. I need to see that burning jealousy Snape has for his Harry. I need to see them bicker, fight, kiss and make up. Oh my poor neglected darlings ...

Right now, as I sit here, I can scarcely think anything more important than reading Snarry. Except designing and completing my own website.

I want it to be online and functional! Damnit, I want to be able to toy around with the designs and see what fits! Argh.

And then, I can put up my favourite links to Snarry. ^_^*feel the love*

I miss my Snarry. *sniff*

Wednesday, December 17, 2003
05:06 p.m.

Worst Monday. Ever.

Yesterday was absolutely the worst day at work.

I haven't had such terrible cramps in 2 years.

I partially passed out in the ladies' room for about an hour. I do wish I had completely passed out. Partially means I'm conscious but can't move. My hands and legs were numb. My head was dizzy and numb. Even my eyes felt numb and cold.

And the pain was overwhelming. So was the nausea.

Was too weak to get up. Was to weak to even move. Was in such terrible pain I didn't want to move.

I had thought of calling someone to help me. But all my strength was drained in simply bearing the pain. I didn't have my cellphone either.

And so I just lay there. On the stone cold floor, waiting for the pain to pass.

An hour seemed an eternity.

Managed to stumble back to the office, without fainting halfway. Head still spinning. Limbs fairly weak. Had to go home.

Called Alan. He would have to leave work to pick me up. There was no way I could drive home.

My colleagues were all worried about me. They wondered where I had gone. And the condition in which I entered the office- it looked like I'd been battling my worst demons.

In time, Alan arrived. We went to the doctor's before heading back. All the doctor did was prescribe me with some painkillers and anti-spasm pills. Do I even need anti-spasm pills?

The journey home was not eventful (thankfully). Got home, showered and just rested for the remainder of the day.

PMS sucks.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003
01:07 p.m.

Case of the Missing Tong Sampah

There you have it. All the drama of my life. =P

It's amazing what goes missing at your work place. I'm quite familiar with missing pens, staplers, punchers, etc. But this really takes the cake.

Petty as it may sound, it's MY waste paper basket, which took THREE WHOLE WEEKS to get.

I dread re-requesting a waste paper basket. I remember the time someone took my stapler and Admin actually interrogated me about what happened to it.

Admin: I see, you're requesting for a new stapler. Don't you already have one?
Me: I did, but someone took it.
A: So where is it now?
M: It's missing. That's why I requesting for a new one (duh!)
A: Right. We'll... note that down. *gives me strange look*

Imagine what they'll say when I tell them about my waste paper basket. 0_o

To avoid the hassle and embarassment, I looked for it. And looked. And looked.

And I found it.

In the corporate meeting room.

Who's the genius who put it there?

Well, at least I avoided this on my staff record:
1. Lost 1 stapler.
2. Lost 1 waste paper basket.

Friday, December 12, 2003
04:39 p.m.

Everything's Peachy

It really pours when it rains. Sometimes, life feels so simple. Like you're floating down a lovely stream and everything is just peachy.

And then, without warning, a storm hits. You find yourself headed towards a waterfall and you're desperately fighting the current.

It's been turbulance for the past week or two. And now suddenly, I'm just floating down that nice stream.

It's so peaceful, I don't know what to write about.

Oh yea, I hit my shin very VERY hard against my bedside when I woke up yesterday. It hurts whenever I walk. Especially when I climb stairs. But I'm better today.

And yes, my mom keeps giving me plums to take to work. I almost always never eat them, so I just take them home and bring them to work again the next day.

However, I forgot to bring them home yesterday (my shin really hurt). Hence, I have a new set of plums to bring to the office. Now I have 4 plums sitting in my office drawer instead of 2.

Wow. This is simply thrilling, isn't it?

Wednesday, December 10, 2003
04:35 p.m.

=(

Computer. Broken. Again.

This time, it's the harddisk that went kaput. I can't fully remember everything that was inside, but I know I'll miss them. Also, there's something wrong with the power supply and possibly the modem/ internet connection.

Since it's exactly ONE month from the date I took it back from the shop, it's still under warranty. Kind of anyway- I got a 1 month warranty, so I'm just on time. But I doubt it covers hard disk problems.

Sent it back to shop yesterday. Currently waiting for technician's diagnosis. Maybe I should just get a brand new comp... When I have more $$$

Sigh. Just when I thought my comp was Ok again... What bad luck.

Alright, let's look at something a little happier. Anyone up for Devil May Cry and CSI comics? Check out the link then. Devil May Cry looks pretty promising. So does CSI!

Monday, December 8, 2003
10:12 a.m.

Sweet F.A. To Do Today

My mood is going to the dogs, as it always does whenever I get one of those encounters.

I tried not to let it get to me, but look at the statistics:
10% of mind- conscious. Against paranoia
90% of mind- subconscious. All for paranoia

What's more, I have to work tomorrow.

Sometimes, there just isn't enough work to keep me occupied in the office.

And at other times, you just wish you were (mildly) sick so that you could take M.C. and curl up in bed instead.

At least one good thing for tomorrow:
Comic Festival in KL. Let's hope it's good.

Friday, December 5, 2003
02:00 p.m.

Not As Sweet

It was a day that I dreaded.

And then, I decided to look at the situation under a different light. And then, it became a day I looked forward to.

The day I get to audit pervert's department.

MWAHAHAHA! I had all these great plans to give him hell, a couple of CARs and hopefully one or two NCRs. Those familiar with ISO audits will know what I mean. Anyway, just for those who don't, I'll briefly explain.

CAR stands for Corrective Action Report (I think R is for Report). It means that they aren't following the ISO flow, but it is not a big error. Can be changed with effort.

NCR is Non-Compliance Report. This is the big kahoona. If you get these from the actual external auditors, they can withdraw your ISO status.

As usual, I procrastinate. And by the time it came for me to audit, I still had done ZERO research on their departmental flowchart. Hey, I got other things to complete too, y'know.

So, I found 2 CARs. But no NCRs.

What's even more disappointing was that pervert was sneaky enough to NOT be in the office during the audit. So, I had missed the chance of giving him hell. I had to talk to his subordinates instead, and I hold no grudge against them.

Sigh, revenge was just not as sweet as I'd hoped it to be.

Note to Lestat: Although I use the term 'revenge' I am in no way beaten. It is simply a term used to describe the process of getting 'even' with the pervert.

BTW, have updated the Hall of Obsession, with Anne Rice's first choice of Lestat, Rutger Hauer. Julie don't you think he really looks like Lestat? *sigh*

Thursday, December 4, 2003
05:48 p.m.

Back to Haunt

Creepy entry ahead. You have been warned.

CAUTION.

Remember that horrid feeling? It's back. Some say its can all be logically explained. I'd like to believe that explanation.

But it's not easy to accept explanations at 2.50 in the morning.

I shouldn't get so freaked out, I know. I mean, it's not the first time, right?

It's just that I haven't had this feeling in months. I thought it was gone.

The worst part about last night, was that I think I saw it. Not with my eyes, but just an image in my head.

I saw a tudung. Fortunately for me, I didn't see the face. I think that may have been a little too much to handle. It was a lady looking downwards. I didn't see much except for the tudung.

If you asked me to describe the tudung, I wouldn't be able to tell you the colour. Strange why I saw 'it' in black and white. The tudung itself was of a light shade, with one dark stripe at the edges.

I was absolutely freaking out. I had this instant urge to call someone to talk to. I needed someone to tell me it was just a bad bad dream.

A pity, not many people tend to be civil OR reasurring at 2.50am. So I did the next best thing. I hugged my cellphone.

Based on some British researches, the waves emitted by the cellphone causes 'spooks' to stay away. Hence the lack of 'sightings' in the old British castles since handphones came about.

BTW, to all the people who've experienced the feeling of not being to move, may I ask 2 questions?
1. What do you hear when it happens?
2. Can it happen when you're partially awake?

I hear static when it happens. On the first occasion, I heard other sounds as well. I'll not re-live that experience, so if you wanna know, go dig through the archives.

It happens when I'm partially awake. That also means I'm partially asleep. But not necessarily 50-50. I could be more awake than asleep. Or more asleep than awake. I think for me, it's more when I'm awake then asleep. In fact, I had actually gotten up twice (to turn on the fan, and to take a drink of water) before it happened.

Is this a regular sleep occurence? Or is it something more? I've got to do more research on this subject.

END CAUTION

Had birthday dinner function last night, buffet style. Over-ate. Could still feel food in stomach in morning. Felt real sick and wanted to throw up. Good news is, I feel better now. Phew.

Wednesday, December 3, 2003
03:17 p.m.