Hey all again. Feeling a lot better now. Got a new comp too. Don't have a lot of my stuff though, cause i haven't been able to network my old computer to my new one.

The new computer is working good though. I can actually play my real computer games on it. Haven't been able to do that for like 2 years now. (my old comp was uber-messed up). So, once again, if I seem to have gone mising, I'm prolly just a bit absorbed in new game.

Feeling of burnt is receeding. Prolly cause I'm not sick, and with a new comp actually able to run games, there is a lot more for me to do. So hopefully, it's a gone deal, nit just faded. But we'll see. Laters all!

I'm sick as a dog. -_- I thought I was getting over it, but guess not. My throat hurts, my head feels stuffed painfully with cotton, I have a fever of 101.

Also feeling burnt out. Wierd, usually don't burn myself out that fast, wasn't that long agio since the last. Few things causing it, one being the general atsmosphere of Indifferent lately. I think Gunshin was totally out of line the way he outright attacked Skank. Being blown off by him really doesn't help the way I see it either. But if Ada will allow it, *shrugs*. The pervertedness really isn't for the better IMO too. Not my bag. Seeing it constantly...

The other thing really burning me out is my dad. I don't even argue any more. I just try to ignore him as much as possible. He still yells at me, even though I'm sick. I don't think he really pays attention to me. Just whether or not I do what he commands.

I'm not even preped for school. Got some clothes, though I need more, and I need supplies, new shoes (mine are beaten to all hell, needed new ones before school ended last year). Haven't gotten Senior portraits, haven't picked up my sched, haven't gotten a bus pass (though I'm thinking I might bike to school like I did during SS), haven't done hardly anything.

Haven't talked to anyone for days. IRL or over AIM. Last person I talked to I think was Rieg, though it might have been Ada... Stacey has just gone missing it seems, and Sashi still has no DSL. Been either too sick or just too put out to go out. Also not helping.

Ada, if you do love them, it's important to spend time with them, talking online, but your father is right too (on that at least). Don't neglect RL to live online with them. You do need to get out more.

*hugs to all* Take care everyone. If I'm mysteriously absent for a while, prolly nothing big, so don't worry. Take care.

Had a talk with Adora tonight, though I couldn't finish (my connection went crap and wouldn't let me reconnect). Worried more now than before. Usually when I talk to her I leave with the feeling that things are better than they were before. This time, all I got from her was a sense of hopelessness.

So, in my down time of no connection, been doing some thinking while listening to music. One, there is a difference between being worried and being depressed. It's not all the same Ada. Second, the good you do isn't wiped by the bad times. Like I said, you have good intentions, and that counts the world to me. Thats the 2 major points I got out of that.

Don't you do anything stupid before i talk to you again. I'm too tired to pop back on now, but I dun know what lies ahead in the sleep department. I might be back on tonight. Meanwhile, remember that we do care, and we wouldn't be here if we didn't see the good in you. *hugs* Take care, be safe.

Sashi is without DSL ;_; I miss talking with her. One of those people who can usually just brighten the entire day just by talking with her. *sighs* Come back soon hon.

Night all. Sweet Dreams, I'm logging out.

My connection has sucked lately. I wish my dad would hury up and hook me up with cable. But that doesnt seem likely. We've had cable for almost a month now, and I'm still not hooked up.

Still horribly neglecting my RPG. Members are starting to drift off Rieg is telling me. But there's not m,uch I can do. What time I have online I use to relax, and truthfully, running an RPG isnt that much fun. I really think I'd hand off the RPG to Rieg if he'd accept it. I'm running it into the ground by my continued absence. But I just don't have the time, and the rare times when I do, I can't get myself into it.

Ada and Lost aren't doing good. I'm worried about them both (though I rarely talk to Lost any more...). I cringed when I read Ada's blog today. Lost blog's too, though it's more distance cause i'm not as close to her as I am Adora. Thoughts like that truely scare me though. To me, suicide just isn't a thought that makes sense. But the scarier thought is that one day I won't read her blog cause they'll be nothing to read. She'll just be a article in the papers, to be seen no more...

Hey all, Kyoso here. Been a while, know. But, what can I say, the things I feel I want to say I can't, and what I can, I have a hard time putting into words. Never been good at explaining how I feel. So well.

Had a great time in Maine. Did some tubing and bodyboarding. Was able to ride the Sea Doo solo, cause I'm 17 now =). It's aways fun up there, I used to spend like entire summers up there...

Still struggling over the love issue. Almost had myself screwed up to tell the person, but that went poof when I got back. So well, for the best for now prolly. I'd like to thank everyone who's been supportive of me in this *hugs* You've been a big help. =)

School starts in like 2 weeks @_@ I dun want to go back... *whines* But, need to go, and do well. Can't afford to do badly this year. Things went well in Summer School, so hopefully things will go well this year too...

Going to be out tonight, so If I'm not around, thats why. Catch you all when I can, and take care *hugs* Laters!

Song of the moment: Linkin Park - One Step Closer

Guess what happened today, just to add to all the shit on my mind. I'm not too hot on chores, never have been. I tend to neglect them, or at best do a piss ass job. And so my Dad today said to me, "You know, if you don't want to help out around the house, I'll just get rid of the house and get a mobile home, and you can find your own place to live." *laughs* Just what i fucking need, more threats. And directed at for FOR CHORES!!! My brother, the god damn fucking crack adict drug dealer who has stolen from my parents, and made them waste hundreds, maybe thousands, on bail money and paying for lawyers, they let him live at the house even, but my dad makes threats to me over chores...

Just to let everyone know, I'm not leaving. When I said I needed to get away, I meant out of the house, to somewhere where I could deal with my shit in solitude. So don't worry about that.

God, I just wish life would stop dealing me this shit hand. Love, insanity, parents, worry. Love is still top of the list through it all. Just wish I had some hope of the feeling being returned. *laughs* Damn. *sighs* One step closer...

I'm crying right now. Why, you might ask. Well, here's how it is. Was talking to Ada late last night, and after we sent each other some MP3s, I popped in Holy Grail, and we were tossing lines back and forth at each other. Seemed like we were having a good time. And I read her blog this morning, and appartently, that wasn't the case at all, and that she was feeling really bad, and didn't say anything to me about it... Hon, please, don't shut me out. Please.

That feeling of insanity is creeping up again. Thought had a better handle on it after talking to Ada and Sashi yesterday. I need to get out of here, need to get away from everything. Damn. *wipes face*

Sorry I haven't been around all. Been at war with my dad. He cut my Phone wire, I had to splice it together last night. We're at war because I'm sick of him yelling at me whenever he wants something done. So, I'm not doing anything he wants if he yells.

In other news, just been hanging on. Think I'm going insane. Why? I dunno. Rieg asked me that, all I could say was "If I knew, I'd be able to step back". Also think I'm in love. Part of why I think I'm going insane. I don't think it could ever work, and I really don't think the person sees me in the same way...

See, I wish I had more courage. I'd like to tell the person. But I'm afriad. If I'd come down just to rejection, either all or nothing, I'd be better off. But we're good friends, or I think so. And if I tell, and she doesn't return the feelings, what then? Things will change. How can they not?

Only one week of SS left. Just need to wait it out... Anyhow, Thats whats been up. Soprry I had to disappear like that. Laters all!

Yeah, it's late, and I should be in bed. But I don't feel like it, so I'm not.
How have I been? Riding the emotional rollercoaster that is me lately. Reading blogs got me down tonight, first Ada-chan thinking I only view her as an excuse to go to Six Flags(which is, of course, not true), and going downhill from there.
Been horribly neglecting my RPG, been having serious thoughts of handing it over to Riegien. Hopes of Cable are fading... -_-
Still in hopeless romantic mode. It's a great phase, but such a let down at the same time... I think I'm a romantic at heart, but my practicality supresses it most of the time.
Been stuck at home too much lately. Haven't had real human contact besides SS at all this week, cept I took off tonight and hung around the gaming shop tonight insteasd of doing chores.
Thats all for now folks. Think I should do laundry for tomorrow, but I figure I've got some shorts around I can wear from the beach, and T-Shirts aren't usually a prob. Laters!

Well, here it is, my blog is up! =) Thankls to all those who helped or bugged me on it ;) I'm bored. I haven't gotten out of the house all week really. But, I might be going to a music show tomorrow night. We'll see... Almost halfway through the hell that is Summer School. Gods, but I just dun like it. Mostly because the teachers I have. But, I deal. I need the creds. I need to go see another musical. I saw 42cd Street last Weekend with my Cousin Cassi (I wish she was still here, but she had to go back to Arizona ;_; She's my Fav cousin now. Love her) It was cool. ^_^ Worried about Ada, and Sashi. But things seem to be better between them. Ada still says thing are going down the tube, but I have faith in her. Thats it for today folks! Long post. Laters all!

Real Name: Iziah
AKA: Kyoso, Wolfie
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Birthday: 2/22/84
Race: Caucasian
Religion: Agnostic, slightly Christian
Grade: 12th; Senior Year
Location: New Hampshire
E-mail: WolfRunner@dragonmount.com
AIM: KyosoWK

Current:

Song: Verve Pipe - Freshmen
Movie: Rush Hour
Show: Witchblade
Food: Spaghetti
Future: Who knows what the future brings?
Hottie: Still struggling with this one.
Book: Serpent War Saga by Raymond E. Feist
Project: Finish writing a few Fanfics I've been floating about. *coughdamnlemoncough*
Goal: *shrugs*
Obsession: New Music
Anime: Escaflowne

The Wolf's Lair

Sites: GWDestiny's Struggle
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Fav. Boards: Indifferent, Gundam Wing- Destiny's Struggle, Dragonmount

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