God, such an amazing, soulful, talented person with so many demons. Get better girl.

Went to Seabeck yesterday, kayaked and developed a pretty righteous farmer tan. I love playing on playgrounds. It's a natural high.

Heading out to Pride tomorrow, still don't know how to feel towards it. I like that it's a venue for queer expression and that it serves as a reclaiming of the stereotypes we are afforded and appropriation of status and image, and yet, I worry at the perception of decadence and hedonism the mainstream may misconstrue it as, however unfounded it all is.

I guess I'm just not as confidant as those queens who will mouth you off with two shakes and a snap, all while in heels. If anything, I'm just glad that people gather together under one cause, and even though people may consider it as so many other reasons, it's all about love, right? Worth it.

Gatdang, it's friggin hot.

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somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands

I wanted to have an entire discussion on this thing about the idea of Nice Guys, like how I wrote about Amazing Girls. Mainly, I wanted to bring up these two conversations: Are Nice Guys underappreciated and soon to gain the recognition they deserve or weak, childish, & insufferable?

Like the Amazing Girl, I think no one really wins in this debate, but I have to say, the view that Nice Guys are losers is really persuasive. I guess it depends on the order you read the rants. I love rants. What better way to just let it all out, right? It's fleeting, it's loud, obnoxious, unflinching, brave, & raw. Creating a well thought out, well-covered basis for debate is great and all. I mean, you know I loves my dialectic, but sometimes just yelling your biased opinions is good too. John Stuart Mill would be proud, right?

Anyway, it's late and I don't really wanna get into it, but it's a good thing to consider, regardless.

Today, the boys played Melee & watched The Godfather. I can't believe I waited this long to see it. I just thought it was overblown and the film critics seem to push it down our throats, but in the opening scene, the portly, menacing, wheeze of Marlon Brando, his silhouette keenly drawn in dramatic lighting, the deep focus, the slow zoom outwards... I could go on, but it's beautiful how precise Coppola's direction is. Brilliant stuff. Really long, but so worth it.

Watching Bad Girls with Old Boy on Saturday was so draining. I can only take girls screaming at each other for so long, mang. Pop off, son. Pimp down. It was really restoring to spend time with them though. It's been too long.

Monz and I spent some time before meeting at Nicole's house naming celebrities we thought were immaculate beings. Of the many I can remember: Aishwarya Rai, Ziyi Zhang, Daniel Henney, Adrien Brody, Djimon Hounsou, Cate Blanchett, Michelle Pfeiffer, Justin Theroux, Catherine Deneuve, Gaspard Ulliel, Mathieu Kassovitz, Cristiano Ronaldo, Keira Knightley, Rodrigo Santoro, Takeshi Kaneshiro, Gong Li, Penelope Cruz, Angela Bassett, Tilda Swinton. So many more but I can't remember. Good list, Monz!

I've finally started Love in the Time of Cholera and it's amazing so far.

I need to watch The Diving Bell & the Butterfly. Is it out on DVD yet?

Heart goes out to those in the Philippines. Hope the fam & Nades are doing alright.

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It's been an amazing first full week of summer vacation, most of all it's been amazing just hanging out with good people and finding out that I got into the UW Design program is good too, I guess.

Seriously though, I've entered this summer excited for all the things to do and all the people to hang out with. Usually leaving school, I dread the lonely hours and listless, lazy afternoons made into mornings after too much sleep. I still wake up at embarrassingly late hours but now I wake up knowing at least marginally what I've to do that day. It's refreshing having to do things, I think.

Monday was Nadine's birthday, but before she met with us I was dropped off at Ridgetop to meet with Kelsey on the track, walking Max. It's weird seeing how small all the kids look. It's that constant feeling of "Did I really look that young?" Mixed with a dose of "Jeez, everyone around me looks like they haven't ever changed. We look so young compared to 'upperclassmen.' When will we grow up?" I don't like it. Folks are turning 20 this year and I can't fathom it, much less imagine turning 21 a little while later.

So Kelsey and I went back to her place, I dinked around on her drum set for a while, we watched the ABDC casting special, and Kelsey likes A.S.I.I.D. Waited til' 3 for Arabella & Chase to show up. Chipmunk Grill, the old haunt, then a depressing trip to the mall. The mall coats you in a thin layer of shame and embarrassment. We waited anxiously for Nades to show up then booked it to the waterfront, where we sat on a bench and laughed as I worried to myself about a developing farmer tan. Chase & I sent some salacious text messages using Ara's Helio to Kevin, who's in California for a week. Call us soon, Papi.

Nades had to leave, as did Ara & Lorraine, who we picked up from the mall after she took the bus from the ferry after work. She's so busy now, it's amazing how she keeps herself so composed and collected.

Kelsey, Chase & I have been spending a lot of time together this week. almost every day of the week, minus Tuesday when I had my Design Final. Last Sunday I showed Chase Akira, and then Kelsey showed up and we watched Y Tu Mama Tambien. Monday, we watched Almost Famous. Wednesday Kelsey was missing in action so Chase & I called up Nades and she brought over Brawl. Chase and I were playing Melee before she showed up and sweet baby Jesus do I miss throws that can kill.

Thursday, I was dropped off at Nadine's this time, and the two of us played more brawl. I really like/miss using Lucas. Actually, I really started liking using Ness, my old main from SSB64. Chase & Kelsey showed up after a while, then the four of us made our way to Lorraine's house where we played badminton. While she was gone. HAHA Papa and Mama Lau let us into the backyard where we played for a while, while also playing a game where you take the job description of any profession and stick it in the middle of the sentence "They can [insert job description here] ANY DAY!"

Eventually the jig was up when Lorraine's mom told us about her board meeting going on at 6:00 and we volunteered to pick Lorraine up from the Park & Ride by Walgreens/Safeway at 7:50. Until then, however, Kelsey, Nadine, Chase, & I all sat in her car at the park & ride while dancing to music. Nades & I were getting pretty funky when the car started to get really hot and we all got outside and basically acted like hooligans for a while.

Lorraine shows up and tells us about her fabulous job in Seattle over dinner at Toad's Pizza by Safeway where Lorraine & I both spilled our waters on the table, apologising profusely to our gracious waitress. Afterwards we moved on to my house to watch the season premiere of ABDC.

SoReal Cru did SoWell, I was proud of Fanny Pak, even though they undeservingly were in the bottom two. Homophobic America sucks. I had my moments of glory when they moved on to the next round and when Chase's team, Supreme Soul were blisteringly AWFUL. HAHA eat it, fool. You too, Kyle.

Lorraine left early, and so did Nades, so it was again Chase, Kels, and I and we watched American Beauty. Those two are hilarious. It's not uncommon for these nights to go on 'til 2:00 in the morning, but this time they left at 5:00 AM, and we had good conversation, good talk about life and shet. These moments are the best, when you can just sit and talk to people who matter most to you. It's a warm fuzzy feeling.

Friday morning I was dreading finding about my status in the design major, since I thought I failed miserably during the workshop. I was proud of my work but I felt queasy still since I wrote about bike racks, my symbol could seem vaguely like the Sydney Opera House and that my seating structure might seem too fussy or unrealistic, but by golly, they liked me. They really liked me.

I tried sleeping in as long as I could, to delay the viewing of my email as much as possible, but even though I fell asleep at 6:00 in the morning, I woke up squarely at 10:00 AM without an alarm then stared at my computer for while until I decided to wait a couple more hours and fell back asleep. I kept waking up every hour after that on the dot. Finally at 2:00 I finally worked up the courage to check and as my mom walked into my room to tell me she was leaving now for California to visit my auntie for her birthday, I squealed with joy while reading the words "Congratulations!"

Now my future is secure as long as I can maintain a 2.5 GPA in all design classes. I was especially happy that Jeremy and Nicole also got in, especially since hearing that I got in wouldn't be the same if Nicole hadn't. I'm at a loss of words for Eva, since I know her heart was set on the program. I don't know why the art programs are so competitive. I know she'll be fine, and she says she is, but it's still Pyhrric victory if your friends aren't with you, non? I'm glad she's considering Interdisciplinary Visual Arts, but still. I don't know about the status of Michelle, Kelsey, & Jen. Hoping for the best, too afraid to ask them about it without seeming like a gloating douche bag. Why can't we all be artists of our own choosing? Why not, Talal?

I promptly called Mariela, Nicole, Janelle, Aileen, & Chase, to let them all know. Janelle, Nicole, Chase & I are all designers now. It's a dream come true. It's a crazy, amazing dream come true and I am so, so, so, so, very, very thankful.

It may be bad, but this reminds me of that scene in Legally Blonde when after Reese Witherspoon finds out that she made the cut for interning for the professor of law for a very important case & client, she tells her awful ex-boyfriend that this opportunity is sooo much better than the four hours they spent together in a Jacuzzi that one time. This is soooo good. So good.

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Gotdang, watching ABDC nonstop today means I've got Michael stuck in my head. Played back to back P.Y.T. around a billion times tonight. Way to kill a song, but OMG it's f'ing amazing. Famazing. Also: Kaba Modern totally shoulda at least made it to the final two, y/y?

This season it's all about Fanny Pak, SoReal Crew, Super Cr3w, & A.S.I.I.D.

HEYYAAALLL to the YEEEUHHH.

And no i was NOT dancing alone in my room at the same time as listening to P.Y.T. Sort of.

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Good end of the year, just I lack the motivation to change this up. Maybe June will be a light month just as I set myself up for summer. Going well though, finished my materials for the design workshop this Tuesday. Fingers crossed.

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