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Past Ramblings
Ancient History
Summer 2002
In The Past
Return to Normalcy
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SONGS:
Rest of My Life - Sloan
Look What Happened (Last Time) - Less Than Jake
I'd Do Anything - Simple Plan
Elsa's Procession to the Cathedral (Lohengrin) - Wagner
You Don't Mean Anything - Simple Plan
I Love Myself Today - Bif Naked
Addicted - Simple Plan
Piano Sonata 8 Opus 13 (Pathetique) - Beethoven
FEELING:
(Click for details...)
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So, just a few days left of me being 19....
I like talking. Sometimes it's good... just to talk out loud... to let my thoughts hit the air... for other people to hear what I'm thinking... some people respond better than others... that's rather evident :p... but all the same...
Sometimes it's so much easier to talk to someone totally removed from the situation... someone totally unbiased... I love hearing what other people have to say... with their fresh opinions... and clear perspective. That's what I need sometimes.
Not everything is as impossible or as hard as I make it out to be sometimes.
And as cliche as it is... sometimes, when I'm in the mood to accept this... it's reassuring to know, that everything will eventually work out someday. :p
Anyways... It's 12:51am... and I'm sitting here listening to Air Supply.... I'm going to bed. :p
Tuesday, September 23, 2003 12:42 a.m.
It's at times like this... when I can't help but miss you.
Sunday, September 14, 2003 08:57 p.m.
You know what's weird? When you try to meet someone... and you don't... and then you meet everyone else in their family first. Like grandparents... aunts & uncles. It's kinda weird in a way. Some weird, twisted fate sorta thing.
Went to Kerri's party tonight for a bit in Waterloo... it was cool. I had a good time. I wish I hadn't missed Emelie though. Oh well, I'll just have to go visit again.
Anyway... and I have part of the Kane theme song in my head... 'cause my brother had wrestling on earlier... and it just keeps repeating over and over again in my head. :S
I'm gonna go up to bed... maybe I'll sleep it off. :p
Sunday, September 14, 2003 12:23 a.m.
Wow. Okay. I've worked... exactly 20 hours overtime this week... and have had to help cover for the 3 full time people that we are now down... on top of the 5 students we're down as well... and deal with people constantly asking me 'Kristin, why are we out of this?'... 'Kristin, I put this on my inventory report... how come it hasn't come in yet?'... 'Kristin... can you call *insert company name here* and ask why we haven't received my *insert product name here*... and 'Kristin, I need you to order this for me'... when I don't already have about 15 orders I'm currently trying to work on... and when I deal with about 100 companies... and I have to deal with about 98 pages of special orders from customers... and keep my section looking pretty...
On top of having to remember and find time to eat...
I know I'm not always the best penpal. Despite popular belief, I do actually have several friends... all with their own problems, breakdowns, tears to be dried, encouragement to be given... and reasons to give congratulations... and I am sorry... really, and honestly, that I'm not always the best friend. I do feel guilty when I can't reply to an e-mail or phonecall right away... or if I'm not online enough to receive it the came day you send it....
But I also, have to take care of myself.... and that's not something I've done overly well in the recent past... and I'm trying to get better.
I haven't been on much lately, mostly because I can't stay awake.
I apologize.
Saturday, September 6, 2003 06:23 p.m.
Okay... forget that idea!
Friday, September 5, 2003 12:01 a.m.
Lord... never let me drink again.
Sunday, August 24, 2003 04:12 a.m.
Who's got 'til Tuesday off???? IT'S ME!!!! :p
Thursday, August 21, 2003 12:32 p.m.
You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
You say you got a real solution
Well, you know
We'd all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well, you know
We're doing what we can
But when you want money
for people with minds that hate
All I can tell is brother you have to wait
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
You say you'll change the constitution
Well, you know
We all want to change your head
You tell me it's the institution
Well, you know
You better free you mind instead...
Saturday, August 16, 2003 08:19 p.m.
Well... Warped Tour was pretty cool.
Hehehe... 'I got a throe shown at me!' :p haha... still funny. :p
So it rained for the first like 3-4 hours or so... which was not the greatest... but The Ataris & Mad Caddies were still awesome... and the sun came out eventually... and we dried off... and that made me really happy... then I started havin' fun.
Saw my cousin, Dave... talked to him for a bit...
I really wish I could have seen more of Me First & The Gimme Gimmes... but it was worth missin' out for what we got. ;) Man... Simple Plan was sweet!! (That was the best.)
I had a very good conversation with Erin on the way home. I enjoyed our talk very much. :)
Anyways... think I might go crash.
Sunday, August 3, 2003 01:28 a.m.
OH MY FUCKING GODDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I REALLY DID IT! So yesterday I overcame my fear and made an attempt... but TODAY... IT HAPPENED! YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
I ROCK!
HAHAHAHA! :) :) :) :) :) :)
WOO-HOO! :p
Friday, August 1, 2003 07:26 p.m.
OH MY GOD!!!!!! I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:)
Thursday, July 31, 2003 07:48 p.m.
Why is it that everytime I start to make steps forward... something reminds me of you and makes me miss you again? :(
Sunday, June 29, 2003 09:11 p.m.
So, I survived Liam & Noelle last night. They're good kids. So cute... and aside from Liam sneezing on my face... all was pretty good. :p We had a fun night... watched some movies, stayed up late... hehe. I woke up around 2:30 to Liam talking in his sleep... and it took me a while to konk out again. But ah well...
I love when little things just make my day... like that customer I helped this morning... I really connected with her... and ended up finding her the perfect thing for her little disabled boy... something that she wasn't even looking for but that I knew would be just perfect... and it was $ 1.99... that's it. She wasn't even looking for it... and it was something that suited his exact needs. I was so happy. :p It made me feel really good. :)
And little Miss Jaclynn Sidwell... she totally made my day too... she has such a positive attitude... and when some of the other students are all difficult and whine when you ask them to do something... Jaclynn just piped up and vollunteered herself to help out when I had to send Becky home sick. I didn't even ask her for help. She has way less experience in the store... but her enthusiasm just made my day... she was ready and willing to do anything... and if she'd never done it before... she'd still be willing to try. She makes me happy! :p hehe
Work today wasn't too bad. I love John & Kelly... they're awesome... it's cool working there full time days... and working upstairs in the office with them... & running the store for them... I've got to know them on a different level... and it makes me understand and respect them all the more. They are easily two of the greatest people I have ever met in my entire life. :p
Something really cool happened yesterday... at work, Casandra's brother came up to me and was saying that he was talking to this guy (who shall remain nameless) at a party... and upon finding out that he works at Family & Company... this guy said... 'Oh yeah, you work with Kristin'... said he was in my grade at Central... and apparently said that I'm "cute"... I was really surprised. I mean... I've never really thought of myself as anything special... and this guy... I don't think we said more than 10 words to eachother all through high school... but to hear that he thinks I'm cute was kinda cool... it really makes you think... I mean, it's weird... you always assume what people think of you... and really, our assumptions are often poorly based... we're always our own greatest critics... I went all through high school assuming everyone thought I was a big nerd... :p I never even really thought that there might be a few guys out there that actually think I'm cute... and cute enough to tell someone else they think so. I mean.... I don't know.
We too often put people in 'classes'... like there were always people that I thought... were totally out of my league... I didn't care less what they thought of me for the most part... but it was just always like... the 'cool' people... you know the type I mean... and I always never even thought of going there... I didn't really want to either. However, just to think that someone else actually saw me... thought I was cute... and to tell someone else that... I mean... I know it's not a huge deal... he just said 'cute'... but I had no idea he even knew... or if he did know... remembered where I work... it amazes me. :p
He's tooooootally not my type. And he's always seemed like a big jerk to me... but just to hear that someone out there thinks I'm cute is a nice little ego boost. :p I needed that. :p It put a smile on my face...
I guess I let myself down sorta today... I promised myself I was going to get out from under my shell and do something by the end of this week... (really my work week... which ended today... 'cause Sunday won't likely work too well...) anyways... I STILL haven't done it.
But I guess I did make a few little steps... :P And got some more connections goin' on... so that's good. :p
Siiiigh... anyways. I just need to be confident.... maybe I'll see if I can work something out tomorrow...
ANYWAY... must go call Laurel before I forget! Later.
Saturday, June 28, 2003 08:30 p.m.
I'm having another one of those awake nights...
One of those nights when I just can't take myself up to bed to sleep. One of those nights where everything is not solved just by crawling into bed and sleeping the night away.
I've been doing so well these past couple nights... 11 hours sleep last night... and 7 the night before... and the sad thing is... I still woke up before 7:30 both those mornings... normally that would be what I'd get all together in 4 nights...
But everything is not solved by just running up to my bed and laying there and sleeping the night away.
My problems are still there in the morning... and will continue to be there every morning until everything is solved and they all just go away.
But how do I solve this?
I could stay up thinking for hours with nothing to show for it but exhaustion the next day....
All I do is think... but I never act...
I need to act. I need to do something.
I wish I could just have the big movie finish... I get what I want... everything's solved... and you get that warm feeling inside knowing that everything is right with the world.
And maybe... eventually... all will be placed before me on a silver plater... maybe eventually everything will work out... but I'm getting kind of sick of sitting idly by hoping that everything will fall into place... maybe I'm going to have to fight for that silver plater... :p
Why does everything have two sides?
Why can't I just know what the right thing is to do... I mean... I know what I technically should do... but who knows if that is going to work out... and what if that's not what I really want??
Why does there have to be so many options? What if I choose the one... and then it's two late to go back and change my mind and even consider the first option was what I really wanted? Ahhhhhhhhhh.....
Whatever is going to happen will happen I guess. I'm just going to be me... and not let fear get in my way. So there.
Maybe I'll go to bed now.
Goodnight.
Saturday, June 21, 2003 01:05 a.m.
Having thoughts of leaving.....
Wednesday, June 18, 2003 11:09 p.m.
So..... went to Keith's Mom's visitation tonight. :(
Went with Lisa & Elly... as soon as I saw Keith I started getting teary... I didn't even know her, the first time I saw her was a week ago at Relay for Life. And from what I have seen & heard, I know she was a wonderful woman. I just can't even imagine the extent of what Keith is going through. He's a pretty tough guy... he doesn't show it too much. I feel so awful for him... I wish I could do something... but I know there's not much I really can do... I gave him a big hug... and his Dad did remember me... that was cool... we talked for a couple minutes too.
Anyway....... all for tonight.
Tuesday, June 17, 2003 08:31 p.m.
We are soooooooooo going out for drinks after work this week.
Monday, June 16, 2003 12:16 a.m.
Man... I am so exhausted. Work has been draining me. There were several hundred kids in the store today, so naturally I didn't get my computer work done. :p I've been going in early & staying late lately too... sigh... if only Kristin had got off her ass & got her license a looong time ago. :p I think I'm going to book some time off for 'Kiki'.
I have a deep desire to get a room in some hotel and just sleep & stay in bed all day.... siiiiiiigh. :p
So John & Kelly gave me tickets to Gigi the other night... I took my little buddy, Jaclynn :p. It was great. I enjoyed it. Aside from the annoying man sitting beside us... all was good. :p That's the 2nd play I've seen in less than 2 weeks... pretty sweet.
I think I'm going to get tickets to King & I. I poured over the festival guide for like an hour tonight. :p
Must remember to mail letter to Laurel tomorrow... Right.
Anyays... going to make it my goal to be in bed by 11:00 tonight I think. Maybe. We'll see if I make it. :p Night.
Thursday, June 12, 2003 09:56 p.m.
So. Life has been rather stressful lately.
Relay for Life Fri. & Sat. was awesome! It was a really good weekend. Kinda stressful... organizing it all... and people handing me their stuff at the last minute. But it was worth it. It was... well touching... and the survivors lap... Keith's mom... and that mother carrying around her little boy. I'm so proud of Doug for shaving off his hair for cancer. That took gutts!
Had good talk with Jaclynn, walkin' round the track around 2am. :p She's such a cutie.
I can't wait to get my pictures back.
Anyway... all for now.
Monday, June 9, 2003 06:58 p.m.
So music night last night was pretty good. AND... I didn't cry. (Surprising? Oui.) :p But just for the record... Mr. Gilbert was WRONG... A.J. did not play a Selmer Series II... I don't know where he got that idea.
He played a Yamaha 61... that pissed me off... you think if he was going to go to the trouble to by a sax like his in memory of him... he'd find out the right one first. (Just my beef. :p)
Work today was cool. Had a meeting with John. Got a new cell phone. ;) The five of us on-callers did... they're pretty sweet...
I'm excited about Relay for Life on Friday. :) I hope all goes well. It should be a lot of fun.
All for now, later. ;)
Wednesday, June 4, 2003 11:36 p.m.
Je ne connais pas what is giving me so many headaches lately... je pense it may be my high stress job. Oui. Sure it's not brain surgery or anything... but man... let me tell you... it still has it's moments. :p
I have a new msn buddy now... my pal Ali Mack. ;) Oh yeah. :p If only Lisa had msn too. (Sigh. :p) Charlie's Angels online. ;) We are supremely full of coolosity. ;)
Speaking of coolosity... I miss my supremely tres chic bud Lolo. *tear* Must send her a letter out to her tent in the forest. :p
I wanna go see Gigi and the King & I... (think I've got the theatre bug at the moment)... I muchly enjoyed The Adventures of Pericles the other night with Dulcie. I ran into A.J.'s parents there... his dad reminds me so much of him... their personalities are the exact same. :p Good ol' A.J. :p Had a good conversation with them... it was weird though. Sometimes it's like he's not even gone. Tres bizarro.
I'm looking forward to music night tomorrow though... but I'll cry for sure.
Anyway... peace out yo. :p
Monday, June 2, 2003 08:22 p.m.
Went to Tango again today avec my tres chic friend Dulcie... had some Tea. :)
Today was a pretty good day. Especially if you consider my day not to include the time at work, 'cause that was kinda stressful... but still managed to have a good time with ma gurlz. :p And Spencer's on my Relay team now! :p Yeah! :p
I felt pretty popular today... Dulcie AND Steve both wanted to hang out with me at the same time... pretty sweet... for me... not so much for Steve... haha... hopefully we'll get to chill tomorrow.
Still pondering all we talked about Dulcie... (I know you're anxious. :p) (As if I'm not either... but yeah... I am tres more cautious about it then toi obviousment. :p hehehe) AHHH! Notice that I talk faster and less coherently when I'm nervous? I also apparently "inhale" people's names... which is funny 'cause it's true.
Anyways, getting all worked up again. ehehehe :p
All for now... back to typing boring minutes. Night.
Tuesday, May 27, 2003 11:18 p.m.
I often find myself thinking... "If they only knew...", everything would be sooooooo much different.
I'm the holder of so many secrets... some big... some small... some are all mine, and some aren't for me to tell, yet even those can still leave me caged in their hell... and it's weird to think that after spending so much time with someone, that they could not even really know you at all.
I want the truth to set me free.
Sunday, May 25, 2003 02:05 a.m.
I walk along the city streets you used to walk along with me,
and every step I take reminds me of just how we used to be...
Friday, May 23, 2003 11:58 p.m.
So, got a letter from Laurel today straight from some forest in Nipigon... written on a piece of Birch Bark. (Not kidding. :p ) (Think the tree planting thing's getting to her head. :p) She said to say hi to everyone for her... so 'Hi Everyone'. :p
Friday, May 23, 2003 05:37 p.m.
I just don't see the point of going to a party for the sole purpose of hooking up with any consenting individual... or cheating on a person you're already committed to at the first opportunity. I mean, I'm all for hanging out and having a good time... but some people are just really, really dumb.
Am I crazy for having morals? 'Cause sometimes I feel like I'm the only one.
Monday, May 19, 2003 01:56 a.m.
So think I've made a decision... plan B has now been aborted.
That's all I'm going to say for now.
Sunday, May 18, 2003 08:43 a.m.
So today was crazy.
I feel so awful for Michelle! Found out this morning that her mom died on Monday. :( As if losing one person this year wasn't enough for her... man.... her mother!?
So maybe she won't be coming back to band. Who knows... :(
Work was so busy today. I'm really excited about all the orders I'm writing though. I was in the office pretty much all day.
Hung out with Dulcie on my break... went on about the latest. (AHH! Scary! :p)
Hung out with Steve after work. Which was a nice break before my meeting at 6:00, and band right after. He and his dog were waiting for me when I came downstairs. :p So that was cool.
So yeah... on another topic, have to learn not to get tongue-tied when I'm nervous. Geez I hope I have a chance to make up for that soon. *bites lower lip* Ahh! :p
Wednesday, May 14, 2003 10:14 p.m.
Went to Oshawa today for my Grandpa's cousin's son's 25th anniversary party. :p My parents kept saying how much Jim, my Granpa's cousin, looks like my Grandpa did... and I do see it a bit... I think it's in the eyes... but it really scares me that I don't remember my Grandpa that well... I guess I was 12 when he died... it seems like forever ago.
:(
We took my cousin Dave down with us, I'm so happy for him 'cause his band is doing so well. They're playing the Canada Day celebration in Fergus, and have another couple gigs between now and June... and they have a couple guys (one who's interested in making them a CD, and one who's interested in managing them) coming to hear them rehearse... :) I can't wait to hear them.
Went bowling tonight with Dulcie & Julie... and I won a round! :p Yeah! :) (Don't usually do that. :p) Was a good time. Had fun dishin' with the girls. :p I love how Dulcie can tell what I'm thinking just by the smile on my face. :p ...That phone call made my entire evening! :p hehehe Well, it was pretty nice at least. :p Siiiigh...
All for now, night night.
Sunday, May 11, 2003 12:53 a.m.
Went to Tango yet again today. :p Took Jared out for his birthday. (Which is tomorrow.) Inventory week is going well. (Yeah! My first big project. :p)
I registered at the Cancer Society today for Relay for Life. I'm team captain... ;) I'm really excited about it. Getting a team together from work. Have 4 definites so far. It's going to be awwwwesome. :p I have so many luminaries to get in memory/in honour of people. :( Man... I can't believe how many people in my life have had/have cancer... when I sit down and think about it... the number is overwhelming. :(
Michelle came back to band tonight! :) She's here for the summer... it's nice to be playing with her again. My old bud. :p Now it's back to 2 of the original fearless trio. :p Man, last summer A.J. was there... :( it'll be weird this summer. But I'm glad Michelle's back... should make band a little less boring. :p Sweet!
Anyways... a little reading of good ol' book #4 (are Dulcie, Elly & I reeeally the only people in the world that know about these books??) and then I'm off to sleepy land. :p Night.
Wednesday, May 7, 2003 11:11 p.m.
Hung out with Steve today after work. We had a really nice talk. A walk & talk if you will. :p Man I've been to Tango a lot lately it seems. :p Had a nice time anyways. I'm glad he's back from Halifax for the summer. :)
Tuesday, May 6, 2003 07:25 p.m.
Oh man... good times... This week's going to be good too. :)
Back in the groove!
Think I might go to bed early... big day for me tomorrow. Going to go in to work early to get things organized.
Sunday, May 4, 2003 10:27 p.m.
So, I now have an official title... Inventory Assistant. :)
I can't wait til next week when I get to control & supervise the whole inventory process. :p
I started working in the office yesterday afternoon... it's kinda fun. :p I like working with Janis. Today I'm up there all day. Hopefully I can finish it all by 4:00, I have no idea how many companies I have to go through. We had a meeting about the supervising the store on Saturdays & the on call duties, and I think that's really going to be awesome. I'm so excited about all of this. Yeah! :p
Last night was awesome! It was my Dad's retirement party at the Arden Park. There was a full house. My Papa came!!!! I didn't think he would, he hasn't been to our place in 4 years because he's not strong enough to endure the long car rides normally... but he really wanted to be there, and Dad was totally surprised... I think it meant a lot to him. :) All the speeches and the video, everything was awesome... I'm so proud of my Dad, I don't know what they're going to do without him... he was the glue that held C.A.S. together... for 35 years. He really deserved that party last night, as much as he didn't think so. I hope I make as big an impact on people and make as much of a difference with my life as my Dad did. It was a really great night. I think he really had a good time.
Friday, May 2, 2003 06:43 a.m.
I GOT A PROMOTION!!!!!!!! :)
I am so excited! This is going to be awesome!! Not only am I a department head... but I'm now also going to be working in the office on the computer... working on keeping track of inventory, and will be scheduled on call for questions and problems when the students are running the store. Sweeeeeeet-ass!
And the raise is pretty fucking sweet too. ;)
Tuesday, April 29, 2003 09:10 p.m.
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Family&Co.
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Thoughts of the moment:
Some of the best lessons in life can be learned from your cab driver.
What would you do today if tomorrow weren't to come?
Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.
-Martin Luther
'I see stupid people... they're everywhere... they walk around like everyone else... they don't even know that they're dumb!'
hahaha
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