|
TITLE|
Saturday, October 1, 2005
This is it, I'm gone now! Bye!
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 03:36 p.m.
TITLE|some things are different
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Some things are different. I still love the Silver Daggers; they are one of my favourite local bands. The summer involved a lot of going to shows and more of me being emo than I would have liked but still not too much. Shortly after the last entry I met Mr. Kevin and he is basically super great even though he's had his boyfriend Edward for three years and I don't really see them breaking up any time soon. Kevin's friends are neat too. I'm not at Metropol anymore. I spent July and most of August being unemployed and now I work at a much better place in Echo Park. I'm moving to Echo Park. I'm leaving La Canada and moving to Echo Park in one week. I'm leaving my friends in La Canada and moving to Echo Park in one week and almost none of them know it because somehow some of us lost touch.
Some things are different.
I love my new job. My new house is small but I love my new job and the walk from my new house to my new job takes no more than ten minutes. My new housemates are also small but don't hold it against them.
Some things are different. My loyalties have shifted and now Matt and Kyle are the ones I like to spend most of my time with. My loyalties have shifted and now I haven't really talked with Chris in about a month, not really. My loyalties have shifted and now I talk to Matt and Kyle and Piya but not Chris and rarely Natalie or Nathan even if the truth is that I still love them most. My loyalties have shifted and now I drink with Matt and not Chris because Chris becomes an ugly stereotype when he drinks.
Some things are different. I used to hate the Hold Steady and now I listen to them every day. I used to hate the Hold Steady and now I am making everyone I know go to their show in October. Hip hop used to be boring and now I am finding out there are MCs who really are that good.
Some things are different. There was a time when I would never consider sleeping with a man who already had a boyfriend. There was a time when that was a worse turnoff than being fat. I still haven't slept with a man who already has a boyfriend but some things are different and this is a time when the truth is that I would get with Kevin in a heartbeat if he wanted me to. There was a time when I thought I had reached the limits of my ability to be attracted to a person but now knowing Kevin and knowing how I feel just being in the same building as him I have to look back on those past attractions and wonder how I could have misunderstood myself that thoroughly.
Some things are different. I know that I would be happy cooking for the rest of my life. That is not different. I have been thinking about my father though. I have been thinking about my father and my mother's father and I have been thinking about maybe having children of my own one day. I have been thinking about maybe having children of my own one day and what that means for a gay man. Some things are different and now my sister is getting married to Juan Carlos in Chile and they will probably raise their family there and that means I will not be able to be an active uncle as I had originally hoped and now some things are different and I have been thinking about maybe having children of my own one day. I have been thinking about adoption agencies and how they might accept you even if you don't make that much money as long as you are a straight couple and reliable but if you are gay you probably have to make up for it by making a lot of money. I have been thinking about maybe having children of my own one day and I have been thinking about my father and my mother's father and I have also been thinking about my friends. I have been thinking about health and I have been thinking about health insurance and I have been thinking about how I am not the same kid who saw his father's work schedule and was appalled by it. I have been thinking about doctors and how maybe I could be a really good one. I have been thinking about school and how the reasons I was bad at it were (1) that Oberlin is not in Los Angeles and (2) I had no goal at all and maybe if I went back knowing that I wanted to be a doctor and to have children and to take care of the people in my life that maybe I could really excel because some things are different. And I know that there are a lot of people in the world who can be really good cooks but maybe fewer who can make it through med school and be really good doctors and since doctors can still cook anyway maybe I owe it to myself and to my family to do the most I can do for the world. I don't know. I know I need to wait a year and see if I still feel this way to make sure it isn't just a phase because I refuse to go back to school just to hate it and lose interest again. Some things are different.
Reading questions
(1)I guess: why?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 1:17 a.m.
TITLE|bout to be a (what!) girlfight
Monday, April 11, 2005
So! I worked from Thursday to Thursday without a break, so having the weekend off was about as nice as nice could be. Friday I went to Amoeba with Kyle and Nathan, then to see Deerhoof with Kyle, then had a slumber party with Nathan!
The Young Playthings and some woman named Lily Marlene opened for Deerhoof - the Playthings were pretty good except that only the drummer had a stage presence and the guitarist looked like he didn't belong to the band. Lily was okay but unremarkable. Deerhoof was awesome. Beautiful music, fucking awesome showmanship - definitely a worthwhile show. I can't even pick out a favourite part.
Slumber party was fun - some Evan W, some amaretto, some cards, some wrestling, some hot tub. Sadly I tore up my 501's to the point that they are now completely unwearable. Those pants were the best fit evar and now they are dead. Requiem in pace, sweetjeans.
On Saturday after we woke up Mr. Waas and I had breakfast/lunch and went somewhere but I don't remember where. Then we went on a short hike on some trails near the fire road that I hadn't been on since I was a very small me. Everything is greener than ever because of all the rain and it was as lovely as could be. I wish I could've stayed out there forever!
Saturday night I went with Kyle and Natalie to see the Mormons, featuring opening acts the Silver Daggers, some shitty bluesy rock band that played for way too long and louder than they deserved (Fatso Jeremy or something like that), and some kinda better band that was still only okay (Chuck Bukowski Sextet or something like that). The highlights were definitely the Silver Daggers and the Mormons. The Daggers were the more interesting musically - I really want to see them again, so much so that I tried to get on their email list (I don't know how successful this was as they didn't have an actual "list" per se so much as a "paper sleeve from a 7-inch that I put my email address on") - but the Mormons put on a slightly more interesting show, what with being dressed up like Mormon missionaries and the lead singer freaking the fuck out all over the place. Also, the Smell is one of the coolest venues I have been to ever - concerts late enough that I can go after work and still see most of the acts, and also tickets are usually only $5! I put myself on their mailing list, too (I'm more confident about this one as they had an actual piece of paper with multiple entries on it), so hopefully I'll be hearing about some good shows soon.
Then today I spent the first half of the day with that Natalie, first going to the barn and then helping (kind of) with a video project she was filming. Heather was there too! It was fun and cool (and tasty, as Heather brought a huge brownie/cookie for me and Natalie to share) and basically a good way to spend the afternoon.
I headed home around 4 to make sure the cats would get fed and have food and stuff like that. Hung out with my dad for awhile, and then went over to Kenneth's for a bit and basically had a grand evening.
Back to work tomorrow, which will be nice, I think.
Reading questions
(1) Is anything missing here?
(2) What has the author left unsaid? (These questions are different, regardless of appearances.)
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 1:18 a.m.
TITLE|package!
Thursday, April 7, 2005
In the mail the other day I got a package all the way from Japan! It was from the Alex face. I opened it expecting some kind of bricabrac and a letter. What I got was one package of dried salted squid and another of pickled squid. And no letter! But they are so fucking delicious that it almost doesn't even matter. I am going to return the favour so hard Alex' head might break right off his body.
That's all for now.
Reading questions
(1) What has the author left unsaid?
(2) And will this layout ever get changed?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 01:42 a.m.
TITLE|yes!
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Oh man, I just got back from (1) watching Japanese concert footage / music videos with Jeff and Marc and booze and eventually Ortiz (2) seeing Nathan and Kenneth and (3) writing+giving Natalie a crossword letter, and Cybernetic Ghost was on the TV. I'm pretty sure that whenever that happens, it's a sign that I've done something right.
That, or Cartoon Network has played through a pre-determined number of episodes of Aqua Teen Hungerforce. You know, whichever. I like my way.
Reading questions
(1) Why isn't my house bleeding right now?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 03:23 a.m.
TITLE|spd
Friday, March 18, 2005
Saint Patrick's Day was
-Waking up in my car outside Chris' at 5:30 and driving home
-Waking up a few hours later with a literally blinding headache
-Spending most of the day in my kimono and Natalie's silly slippers
-Cooking a whole lot to keep my headache at bay
-Marc's mom
-Hot tub with Nathan
-Klockwerks from Jake
-The park with Nathan and Natalie: "Rock, Paper, Scissors," stealing lightbulbs, losing a button, swings, Bill Benjauthrit
-The reappearance of Kira
-Some bottles, yes
-Matt and Hali are a no-show
-Jeff and Chris are a late show, but a good show
-Nathan is a ridiculous drunk
-A nice walk, if short
-The redisappearance of Kira
-Sleep tight Nathan, Bill goes home
-Crossword puzzle with the pater
These! These! Three these for Therese!
Reading questions
(1) What has the author left unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 03:22 a.m.
TITLE|hush your bosh
Wednesday, March 9, 2005
I saw Piya for the first time in a couple months tonight! She looked wonderful, as always. We hung out for a bit and grabbed dinner at some tasty Brazilian place on Sunset. Hopefully I will see her again soon!
In other news I made an ASW shirt today, and Natalie's mix is mostly done - I have all the songs picked, I just need to fine-tune the ordering. Then I get to figure out how I'm packaging this endeavour!
Jake got the book I ordered him today, which means his demise is now ensured! Give up a joyful shout!
Lately I've been going to the Pig a lot and I've started getting to know some of the other people who spend their time there, which is kinda cool I guess. They have lots of good stories anyway.
Reading questions
(1) Oh Green Day... why?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 01:47 a.m.
TITLE|christ
Saturday, March 5, 2005
Man, has anyone else noticed how that fucking My Chemical Romance song "Helena" has so much potential at the chorus that they completely fucking ruin? I think that making songs that don't live up to their potential is even worse than making generic shitty songs (this is why I don't like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs), and hearing that song twice on the radio today made me feel disappointed and actually very angry.
In other news, I didn't know the right way to deal with the combined gratitude of my two best friends, but in retrospect it was a pretty cool feeling. Why do stupid throwaway ritualized expressions make me kinda tear up when they come from them? Shit.
Oh yeah, also: last night I saw "i <3 huckabees" thanks to Hans and it was completely wonderful. It is totally my favourite movie since maybe Amelie. And tomorrow maybe Hans and I are going to museums! Reconnection is love.
Months and months after it premiered, the "Tiny House" commercial for Geico is still by far my favourite commercial on TV. Maybe it hasn't made me switch to Geico, but still. Good work, fellas!
I am making an epic four-disc mix for Natalie. Each disc is themed after a season after the year. The intention is to go from autumn to summer, and spring is already finished. I have all the songs picked out for summer, but the order has a ways to go. I love having this project; it gives me something to do when I am very bored, and also I like making CD's for people.
Shit I can't get that awful My Chemical Romance song out of my head. I'm going to bed.
Reading questions
(1) More or less the same question that I always ask
(2) And of course that other one.
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 03:03 a.m.
TITLE|newsom newsom newsom!
Friday, February 25, 2005
Sweet Lord. These things that have happened:
Yesterday I hung out with Chris during the day. We went to Amoeba, where I got the following thirteen (!!!!!!!) CDs:
Bjork - "Post"
The Breeders - "Last Splash"
Buzzcocks - "Singles Going Steady"
Cat Power - "What Would The Community Think"
Fugazi - "Embrace"
Billie Holiday - "Billie's Best"
Minor Threat - "Complete Discography"
Pretenders - "The Isle of View"
Pretenders - "iViva El Amor!"
Soundtrack from "William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet"
Hank Williams III - "Risin' Outlaw"
Hank Williams III - "Lovesick, Broke, & Driftin'"
X - "Los Angeles"
Basically my justification for spending that much money on music is that I was originally planning on driving to Santa Cruz and back this weekend to visit Marc and Doris and possibly Dustin and Sarah, but the weather became prohibitively lousy, so I had a bunch of money I was saving for gas just waiting to be used. Now I've already thought of at least ten more CDs I have to get soon. Yikes.
After that we returned to Pasadena, where I finally saw Chris' work and met one of his co-workers, which was fun.
Work yesterday was good but so, so busy. I had to stay on for almost an hour more than I was expecting, so I was pretty tired coming home. For the final hour or so of work, I was basically thinking that if I could just hang out with Chris or Natalie for a little bit at the end of the day, everything would be okay. My wish came true and I got to see both of them, as well as Chris' cool cousins, and indeed I did feel several hundred times more awesome. So basically the night ended perfectly.
Then today started at like 7 when my dad woke me up so I could drive him to the car dealership. Immediate problem: I couldn't find my wallet. This made me very, very nervous, as I was going to need its contents to go to the Joanna Newsom show tonight. So I took my dad to the dealership (thus securing the Acura for myself until Carolyn gets back from New York) and returned home, anxious all the way. I drove by Chris' house to see if I could find my wallet lying around outside, but it wasn't out there. I went home wondering what I was going to do.
Then, in a very happy turn of events, I got a phone call from some guy, and as soon as he said that he mentioned the name of Chris' street I asked him if he had found my wallet. He had! He was really nice and I probably scared him by thanking him a million times, but everything ended nicely, so yes.
I spent the next several hours listening to my new music, reading reviews of other music, and reading some Greek mythology that I had gradually forgotten over the years. It was relaxing and ever so delightful.
At some point in the afternoon Natalie called, so I went down to her place and we listened to music and talked about many awesome things as she worked on an art project. After that we went for a quick run and then walked the dogs with her mom. Oak Grove park was filled with a ridiculous amount of water from all the rain, so it was really cool.
On the way back to the house, Natalie pointed out there was some kind of food thing being offered at the high school, so we decided to go back after dropping off the dogs. Once we got back to the school, the food thing was over, but I saw Mrs. Caswell's car in the parking lot, so we paid her a visit, which went pretty well. Then we went to my house for food and a videotape had arrived from Camille! I'm pretty excited about watching it, since it has the national pastry chef competition from this year, as well as an apparently amazing episode of Iron Chef.
After that basically the rest of the night was spent going to see Joanna Newsom, which was one of the most wonderful events of my whole life. She was so, so, so, so good. Definite highlights were the two new songs and the harp versions of "Peach, Plum, Pear" and "Inflammatory Writ" (even though I don't like the piano version on the album, I thought maybe it would be much better on the harp, so I requested it during the encore and she played it! It was so nice!) Tim was right - the new stuff sounds more mature and I simply adore it. I want her to put out a new album now, right now! The only disappointment was that she didn't play "Cassiopeia," which I love, but it was worth it. And then I came home just in time to watch her on the Jimmy Kimmel show!
The Sugarcubes were right: life's too good.
Reading questions
(1) Do I get Jake a shirt or a book for his three-months-belated birthday present?
(2) What has the author left unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 01:43 a.m.
TITLE|
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Wow, everything has just been unbelievably awesome of late. I drove to Santa Barbara (and back) with Natalie and Chris on Friday night to get Ortiz after spending a fair amount of the night drinking with the gang (since it was the last time Chris could ever drink illegally). Saturday I finished Chris' birthday present and gave it to him, and he loved it. The day after his birthday we went through an entire box of wine basically between the two of us and spent the whole day drunk. Then I took Ortiz back to school and came back to sit in bed with Natalie for a couple hours.
Monday I had work, which was a pretty good way to spend Valentine's Day, and then I got to hang out with Chris for a bit, making it all the better. Also at work I found out by trial and error that the one CD that pretty much everyone who works in the back can listen to and enjoy is none other than the Cocksparrer CD Chris burned for me (he also made me Joy Division, New Order, and a pretty excellent mix) - when I told this to Jeff, he did me one better by telling me about the Wasted festival, where Cocksparrer is actually gonna be playing the US for like the second time ever. There are at least ten bands on that list I want to see, so there is a very good chance I will actually shell out the roughly one hundred dollars to go both days. Jesus. I think that was also the night that Brad sent me the upcoming Daft Punk CD "Human After All," much of which I like a lot.
I had today and yesterday off, so yesterday I went down to American Apparel and got three new very comfortable shirts, and then also dropped by Wacko, where I found this amazing, beautiful book on Jack T. Chick - the guy who draws all those little comic book tracts to convert people to fundamentalist Christianity. It was a great buy - like half of it is just descriptions and reviews of the many, many tracts he's put out, including a number of really offensive ones that have been discontinued, so it's basically like owning a complete collection of the tracts without having to worry about storing or actually reading all the way through all of them.
Anyway, after I got back from that I hung out with Nathan for the first time in like a month. It was really wonderful to see him. We sat around and talked and went to Target and stuff and drank a bit in my awesomely configured room. Eventually Chris joined in too, which was pretty nice, and we even got to go visit Kyle, who had just returned from his trip to see Jordan and Lisa.
Finally, today was pretty much just an awesome day filled with Chris - he was done with classes by like 10, so I met him at 10:30 and we were off. Since he wasn't feeling great he called in sick to work, which meant that we ended up spending the whole day together. I finally met his cousin and her girlfriend after years of hearing stories about them, which was really cool. His cousin actually looked pretty much exactly how I had pictured her.
After basically having a really cool time of it (by which I mean Chris fluctuated between feeling really sick and being fine as we went a number of places, so after awhile we just went to the park and talked while he lay down and I ate lunch), we got Hali and went down to get Natalie from school, which took like an hour because she was too polite to get out of a meeting that was supposed to take ten minutes. Yikes. Then we came back and chummed around and I made my first quiche ever and it came out really well! And then finally I caught Alex online and made him tell me stories from Japan, like how he has to share bathwater with his house family because that's how it's done in Tokyo. Gross! And that is my very happy life for now.
Reading questions
(1) What has the author left unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 03:09 a.m.
TITLE|health
Friday, February 11, 2005
So I was right - by the end of work on Saturday I felt humongously better, which was nice of course.
I just sat in the hot tub in the rain for about half an hour. The rain tonight is perfect for it - big heavy drops that fall pretty quick - and the surface of the water was utterly delightful to watch - a billion dances in miniature, each one going so fast that it was a treasure just to catch a glimpse of it. Sometimes they were like fingers, pushing out of the water straight and plump and then bending at the knuckle to curl up into a fist. Other times they were like the beaks of hummingbirds caught underwater, stabbing out for nectar only to retreat immediately. My favourite was one that looked like a ballroom dancer complete with gown - it was very fast, but I'm sure I saw it.
I should really go to bed; I've clearly been hallucinating.
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 04:53 a.m.
TITLE|grach
Saturday, February 5, 2005
Last night I was all exhausted from work and it was making me cranky so lots of little things were irritating me and I ended up getting really angry at Chris for no reason at all. It was a deeply unpleasant feeling - I don't get angry very often, and certainly not at Chris - and it made me feel gross and kind of sad. I ended up coming home out of exhaustion, but my sister and her friends were sitting around talking in drunken Spanglish and I didn't really feel like putting up with that, so I went to the Bourgeois Pig for a milkshake to make me feel better. But then I got a speeding ticket. And they want me to work at 3 instead of 4 today so I had to cut my plans to go to the red carpet at the SAG awards with Piya. So basically I'm still in a pretty sour mood. I'm pretty sure I'll be feeling better tonight, though...
Reading questions
(1) Grazyzk?
(2) Thorazine?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 12:13 p.m.
TITLE|who even knows these days
Tuesday, February 1, 2005
Blanks will be filled eventually. Deal.
Sunday night was lame because Swingin Utters didn't happen, but today totally made up for it. I hung out with Natalie for the day - went running and then walking around Venice and stuff - and it was wonderful. Then there was a much belated holiday party for all of us at work. It was great!
I loaned Natalie the Amelie soundtrack. I started missing it almost immediately. Then, when she called a couple hours ago and I eventually heard it on in the background, I was overjoyed to think of all the delight it had brought her today. In short, man, what a perfect CD.
Now I'm basically staying awake until I start sobering up, and then to bed with me. Bitchin.
Reading questions
(1) How long has it been since this chapter began?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 02:32 a.m.
TITLE|roller coaster
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Rollicking! I've been so emotional of late. So many things happening and I barely have time to react! I broke down sobbing in the car when I was on my break today, and now I am about as happy as could be.
I spent last night at Natalie's. We went for a nice, long walk and climbed a tree and talked about lots of important things. And in the morning we went for a run! All told a severely healthy time. And now I have the garage door opener for Natalie's apartment! It's like a special treasure just for my car.
Work was great because I brought in my own CD's for once so I didn't have to listen to the radio for at least an hour. The sobbing came partially from thinking too much about things, which I've been doing a lot more than I would like lately, but mostly from listening to "Cup of Coffee," which hadn't happened in awhile.
So the reasons I'm very very happy now:
(1) I went to Amoeba and the Pig with Hans tonight. I bought
- "Proxima Estacion: Esperanza," Manu Chao : exciting because now I can listen to it even when I'm not at Natalie's.
- The Amelie soundtrack: exciting because that music always puts me in the most glorious moods.
- "(This Is) The Dream of Evan and Chan," Dntel: exciting because I love Dntel, and also because now I can listen to "Your Hill" in my car. It's been so long!
- "Feast of Wire," Calexico: exciting because, come on. Calexico!
- "Out of Season," Beth Gibbons and Rustin Man: exciting because I love Portishead and I didn't know this CD existed until I saw it at Amoeba.
I was also going to buy a Lisa Germano album, but I wasn't sure which one would be best and none of them were available at the listening stations, so I figure I'll read some reviews and go back soon. And it was really fun hanging out with Hans!
(2) Here are some concerts I am almost definitely going to in the next month: Swingin' Utters on Sunday, Electric Six on the 3rd, and Joanna Newsom on the 24th. Wow!
(3) Cartoons that have been on TV tonight: "Cybernetic Ghost" and "Super Computer" episodes of Aqua Teen, "Write Where It Hurts" and "Through a Lens Darkly" episodes of Daria, and "The Farnsworth Paradox" of Futurama!
Also because there's nothing on at 12:30 I've started leaving Inuyasha on in the background, and when I looked at the screen towards the end of the episode tonight there was this scene where Kagome and Inuyasha were totally reminding me of Natalie and Chris. It was so cute!
(4) Tonight I talked online with Dustin, Ye Lin, and Danyell!
Man, such an awesome night. I think maybe it's been so good that I'm over being emo about all of that for a long time.
Reading questions
(1) Yes, I know, I know, there's a lot I haven't talked about, like where I'm working and what I've been doing with my time. Try not to sweat it. I love my job, and leaving Oberlin to come back here was the best decision I have ever made. Okay?
(2) What has the author left unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 02:35 a.m.
TITLE|!!!
Thursday, December 23, 2004
I'm home! And done with Oberlin forever! (Well, once I go back to get the last of my stuff I will be.)
Reading questions
(1) Yes!
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 12:57 a.m.
TITLE|home soon
Monday, December 20, 2004
"I'm a whisper in water,
a secret for you to hear;
you're the one who grows distant
when I beckon you near."
PROS:
-Natalie
-Chris
-Nathan
-Matt
-Kyle
-Jennella
-Piya
-Arlene
-Frankie
-Sun
-Job
-Food
-Mountains
-Beach
-Music
-Happiness
CONS:
-Jake
-Emily
-Meg
-Colin
-Allison
-Naomi
-Degree
-Potential
-Romance
-Caitlyn
-Alex
-Drew
I am appalled by how tempted I was when Colin tried to get me to stay here. That should not happen.
Tomorrow I have to go talk to the Dean of Studies, which is maybe the most nervewracking experience available on campus.
Reading question
(1) A name?
(2) Grargh! ?
(3) What has the author left unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 07:55 p.m.
TITLE|
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Augh!
That guy, the one I actually like, broke up with his boyfriend. Which would be fine and dandy, except (1) I think dating him would hurt my extremely sensitive roommate and (2) I'm getting the hell out of here pretty soon anyway.
And the more I get to know him, the more I like him. And he sat on my lap on the ride home from the diner tonight! And not just because it's a tiny car!
So upsetting!
Reading questions
(1) "What's your favourite?"
(2) "What's my favourite? The baby black duck."
(3) What has the author left unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 06:07 a.m.
TITLE|
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
So, a hypothetical question: if someone had a drink on his own, not out of sorrow or desperation or to get drunk but just to drink it, and he knew full well that drinking solo is a sign of alcoholism, could this drink really be considered a step towards said disease? What if this weren't the first time such a thing had happened? This week?
Yikes.
Emily is visiting this weekend, which means much cooking. I think I'm gonna try to make charlotte russe. If that fails, I mean, there will still be many pies.
Have I mentioned lately how I hate it here? Most recently, I found out from Meg that Student Senate wouldn't charter Belly Dance because it's "cultural appropriation." My ass. Meg and the rest of those girls know and respect that shit back and forth. But it got worse - apparently a bunch of people came in and yelled at them, attacking not just the group as a whole but also the members as individuals. They were shouting at Meg and calling her a racist and other such Oberlin-type douchebaggery.
This took three hours. Poor Meg.
Reading questions
(1) Will I get those medical incompletes for my brain craziness, or will I just flunk out of this hellhole from not caring?
(2) 'Cuz honestly, there's no way I'm staying here much longer. This place is so obnoxious and worthless.
(3) Why did I even come here in the first place? Even I don't know anymore.
(4) What has the author left unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 02:14 a.m.
TITLE|never
Sunday, December 5, 2004
I saw Finding Neverland for free in a private screening tonight. I liked it a great deal, as I tend to like visually lush imagination movies, although it wasn't as good in the places where it tried to take itself seriously. However, there was a scene towards the end that totally reminded me of the ASW that reminds me of Natalie that I greatly appreciated.
Katie and her fellow Dennis ("Dengus") are visiting this weekend. I'm letting them sleep in my bed tonight because I felt bad about leaving them to deal with the common room couch, even though I did warn Katie long in advance that it would never accomodate both of them. So here I am in the computer lab, trying to come up with ways to pass a few hours and it totally doesn't help that the internet is being a jerk.
I found out from Facebook that Jake's birthday is this week - I knew it was sometime this month but had no clue it was so soon. Now I will never get him a present anything like on time, which is a shame.
I continue to hate it here a whole lot. Having Katie around has been nice, but (1) it's very hard to be a gracious host when I have to be keeping them company constantly as Katie gets cross with me if I leave her to her own devices (this has served to remind me of how much my brain hates being around most people, as I got physically ill in the middle of the day from not having enough alone time), (2) it's making me miss the few good things about last year, like Emily/Drew/Katie and Jake/Di/Alex and having a way to get out of this fucking hellhole (i.e. the mighty Truckdor, presently slumbering his life away outside the old homestead), and (3) Katie loves to eat out and insists that I go with her, so I have spent far too much money on undeserving food in the past two days. Dammit.
Get me out get me out get me out get me out get me out!
Oh, right, so, I've totally found the one guy I'll find truly attractive this year - he's a friend of the roommate's and I met him earlier in the year. The first time we all hung out it came up that I was too tall for his tastes, which is a shame. And then much later the roommate told me that this guy had asked why I wasn't seeing anybody, which implies interest. But he's totally dating somebody now, so I can continue merrily along my single way. Ah well.
I kind of wonder what it would be like to have a protracted relationship - I mean, it's not like I've ever had one much longer than two months, which isn't really anything at all. I've had my fill of casual hookups, but at the same time it's not like I'm gonna meet someone I actually like who is also available, so...
Wow, sorry to get so personal there. Weird. All right, back to hating college - oh, that completely reminds me. I'm pretty happy with my winter term project, which is to start learning classical Japanese. I really, really wish there were a way to major in Japanese language here without the fucking history classes, because I am so, so sick of studying math, and Japanese is maybe the only subject I have ever maintained a serious interest in after this many years of constant study. Fuck you, East Asian Studies department!
Fuck it, I'll just fail out and go back to California where I'm not miserable all the time.
Reading questions
(1) Christ, man.
(2) What has the author left unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 05:42 a.m.
TITLE|a bitter spar with dolemite
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
In "Swansea," Joanna Newsom mentions four unincorporated areas in California: Swansea in Inyo County, Buttonwillow in Kern, Lagunitas in Marin, and Calico in San Bernardino. Would anyone want to go on a road trip to these places with me? I think it might be quite delightful. Swansea and Calico are both real, live (?) ghost towns.
Ah, the time that comes between Monday/Wednesday nights and Tuesday/Thursday mornings, I've come to know it so well...
Reading questions
(1) No, really, will you go with me?
(2) Please?
(4)What has the author left unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 06:09 a.m.
TITLE|"catenaries and dirigibles"
Sunday, November 28, 2004
So basically I am thrilled for many reasons right now and it's making me very jumpy and excited. Examples:
(1) I am home for the holiday, and home is neither Oberlin nor Ohio, so this is very good indeed.
(2) To-nite I found what may be the best personals ad of all time. It is certainly the best since the "Swedish blonde ex-stunt model" entry from last year. All typos are intentional, so enjoy:
"SWORD FIGHTING TEACHER wanted to swing a sword like those
at the Rennaisance festivals. Ihave a slight health problem, however, I've got the spirit of two pirates and that definitely makes up for the physical fault."
I asked the cute guy working at Bourgeois Pig if he would date a woman with the spirit of two pirates in her, and his response was perfect indeed: "Fuck! What the fuck does that even mean?"
Awesome.
(3) I have gotten very much into Joanna Newsom - of all the weird music Tim plays in our room, hers is absolutely my favourite. Best of all, her music gets even better when you look into it. For example, the lyric
"I can recall our caravel -
a little wicker beetle-shell"
is charming and delicious on its own. And then I go on dictionary.com to find out exactly what kind of ship a caravel is, and this results in me finding the following etymology: "[French caravelle, from Old French, from Old Portuguese caravela, diminutive of cáravo, ship, from Late Latin crabus, a small wicker boat, from Late Greek krabos, light ship, from Greek, horned beetle.]"
I cannot contain my joy. I obviously need to find this woman and trick her into marrying me.
Reading questions
(1) What the fuck does that even mean?
(2) But I mean, seriously.
(3) What has the author left unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 04:24 a.m.
TITLE|i love size 14
Monday, November 22, 2004
Lately I've been sleeping with my manacles on. It feels right, somehow.
I guess I don't know what that really means.
A comment on West Side Story I heard last night from this girl I don't like: "It's just so racist. All the Puerto Ricans act like Mexicans!"
Yikes.
Do you believe in psychics? I'm pretty skeptical myself, but just in case they're real I like to walk around thinking, "I am so in love with you."
Some days I like to switch it up and think, "tear out your guts with a fork" instead. I don't entirely condone eavesdropping, after all.
That's it for now, I guess. Questions?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 01:57 a.m.
TITLE|
Friday, November 19, 2004
"I read bowling pins
like tea leaves
every pin I knock down
is a boy
who'll break my heart
and I always bowl
a perfect game."
How I do love ASW. I want to buy the print of this one. Except I'm poor. Also I would like to make it into a shirt.
I need to draw Natalie's heart, but horses are not my specialty.
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 09:27 p.m.
TITLE|
Monday, November 15, 2004
Jessie made jewelry, but mostly she just stapled things to the wall.
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 04:45 a.m.
TITLE|home again
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
It's fall break.
Saturday night I went out drinking with the gang. It was really, really fun, even though I drank enough to wake up drunk fourteen hours after having all those drinks. I don't remember much of the first half of the night (I'm none too pleased about that, by the way) aside from faceplanting on the Promenade and dancing outside some wedding with Natalie and Chris, but the second half was pretty hilarious, since Matt completely freaked out - I'm talking partial soul death here - leading to all sorts of awesome events:
-Heather and Natalie went into camp counselor mode and tried to comfort him. Matt responded by telling Heather that she shouldn't trust Dalton. As we might imagine, she did not take this well.
-Matt had a hard time walking, so Ortiz just picked him up and slung him over his shoulder.
-A delirious Matt muttered something and then bit Chris hard enough to break skin, leading directly to
-Chris got very very angry with Matt and started yelling things at him like "You're filth! You're swine! You're despicable!"
-Matt then internalized this, saying "No, he's right. I am filth. I am a swine" and such.
-When we put Matt to bed (with Mandi's help), Matt started being really creepy, asking Mandi to put her arm around him.
Awesome.
Reading questions
(1) Ever?
(2) What is the author leaving unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 1:16 p.m.
TITLE|
Monday, October 4, 2004
Atlantis
Chuckling
and scratching at a week's growth of whiskers,
he tells me a story of life in the old world
between self-conscious sips of cinnamon tea.
I pull up my collar and close my eyes
and recall from long-imagined memory
the face of that fallen continent:
the ashen complexion, the severe contours;
the idiot staring mountain eyes.
Smiling, eyes closed, I tell him quietly
"Your face is a crumbling map on a widower's table
that I don't know how to read."
He blushes, falls silent, and holds his smoky breath
as all the clouds collapse into one point
to sear the barren sky with a new star.
But even in a stark and cloudless sky,
the birds still make their migratory flight-
down below the cars still amble past
and the god of forgetting and I
still sit facing one another
on a snowless rooftop
in January.
I'm with Alex and Di and I don't want to leave them behind. At all.
Reading questions
(1) What has the author left unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 12:05 a.m.
TITLE|thursday nights
Friday, September 24, 2004
I love Thursday nights. We have little get-togethers on the roof of the dorm (maybe not out there anymore after this week, since an RA caught us) and drink and tell stories and really get to know one another. It's great. My quadmate Jon is proving to be a really cool guy and in fact a good drinking buddy too.
In Japanese we're supposed to keep weekly journals and turn in at least a page and a half each week. Japanese is a very condensed language, so that's really a crazy amount of writing. I decided to translate one of the few poems of mine that I really like, but it's really hard and I don't know nearly enough Japanese to keep the mood similar, which is frustrating.
I went to see the Weakerthans on Tuesday. The opening bands were Murder by Death (bad - left to get food and a shave) and Lucero (decent in an alt-country way, plus the singer was good-looking). I left after the Weakerthans' second or third song, thoroughly unimpressed.
I'm getting paid a small amount of money to give two massages per week. This is even better than giving two massages per week for free, so I'm pretty happy about it.
Brazilian jiu jitsu is ridiculously fun, and it's definitely bringing me back into shape. I'm quite pleased.
Tim is watching an episode of MST3K on his computer right now. I do not know whether or not he is actually watching it. He is probably asleep. I probably should be doing that too. Good night.
Reading questions
(1) Is drinking on a Thursday night a good idea? Is it a bad one?
(2) Why is the author still writing in this when it's clear he's lost a substantial amount of interest in it?
(3) What has the author left unasked?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 03:41 a.m.
TITLE|clipped
Thursday, September 9, 2004
I've been back at school since last Tuesday. I just got my computer back in the mail today.
My roommate Tim accused me tonight of being a Stoic. I think he's confused.
I like my classes, although I hate the class schedule.
I've been writing letters a lot since coming here. I sent one to Nathan, one to Jordan, and one to Chris, and I've been working on one to Natalie since Friday or so. I'll end it whenever I get her address. It might end up being very long.
Since I have to get up at seven, I should probably get to bed about now. I think the biggest pain about having real morning classes is how it means I can't stay up very very late talking to people from home anymore.
Tales of Symphonia is an excellent game. That's all.
Reading questions
(1) What is the author leaving unsaid? And is Cecil B. Demented really worth watching a third time?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 01:53 a.m.
TITLE|i totally win
Sunday, August 22, 2004
I have my car back for the rest of the time I'm home! And grouphug shirts have started shipping, so I should get mine in not too long! And I found awesome much money in my room when I cleaned it out!
But I still miss Nathan.
Reading questions
(1) Who?
(2) What?
(3) When?
(4) Where?
(5) Which?
(6) Whatever?
(7) How much?
(8) What has the author left unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 01:02 a.m.
TITLE|leaving me?
Saturday, August 21, 2004
In the summer just before my junior year in high school, there was a five-day period during which the following occurred: Andy moved back to Connecticut, Carolyn went to college, Hans went to Germany, and Mark and Holly moved to DC.
However, junior year was when I met Chris and Nathan, my two dearest guy friends.
Now it is again summer, just before my junior year in college. Carolyn has moved to Chile, Jake is in Budapest, Di is staying with her family for the semester, Alex is working on the election in Chicago til November, Katie is going to art school in Michigan, Jason and Amanda and Kira have pretty much removed themselves from the loop, Brad is in New York, Clare is finishing up at a different school, Ale is going to Spain, Caitlyn is taking the semester off, and Emily and Drew are going to terrorize London.
I guess it's possible that I'll meet someone who will, as Chris and Nathan did in their way, make this all seem worthwhile.
But I'm not gonna hold my breath.
I wonder if we could possibly be meant to be...
Reading questions
(1) What is your mailing address going to be this fall? No, seriously, e-mail it to me if I haven't already gotten it from you. I plan on writing a lot of letters this term and probably even more in Japan in the spring.
(2) How is the author likely to cope with returning to an Oberlin absent of most of his friends?
(3)What is the author leaving unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 01:44 a.m.
TITLE|gunther
Friday, August 20, 2004
Nathan's off to Costa Rica. I might not see him again for months. That makes me feel really, really lonely.
I don't know what's going on with the group lately. It feels like Chris has been trying to avoid me, but then it could also just be that since there are so few cars around he doesn't want to let me know something's going on only to have to tell me that I won't be able to go. Or whatever. Maybe I'm right and the group is splintering up Chris doesn't really like me anymore. All I know is that whether it's intentional or not, I feel kinda left out. And Natalie goes back to her apartment in Culver City on Monday, so maybe my last week back home will not be so great.
But maybe it will. Matt gets back from Wales and Dalton gets back from camp, so that'll be good. I'm just really down about Nathan being gone. And about how I'm sitting here alone on a Friday night and no one's called. And about how I have to face being like a freshman for the third year running at Oberlin, since once again practically none of my friends are returning. Gross.
That's certainly enough depression for one entry. Last week I saw PJ Harvey for free at Amoeba with Steph and Piya! She was really, really great.
But I'm not in the mood to write anything else, so goodnight, loyal stalkers.
Reading questions
(1) What has the author left unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 08:26 p.m.
TITLE|trip
Friday, July 23, 2004
I have to go to Montana. I won't be back until the 3rd or so. Boo.
I went to see the Partisans last night with Chris, Jeff, Nathan, Marc, and Doris. It was a lot of fun, although I was sure at the time that all the booze in my system, combined with the repeated blows to the stomach I received in the pit, would result in rather a mess. It didn't. Yay! And now I'm sore all over in the best of ways.
Doris, in case this hasn't come up in the past, is Marc's lady. She's superuper cool and I like her a lot.
I'm kinda bummed I couldn't see Nat or Steph before leaving for Montana, but c'est la vie I suppose. I had a good nighthike with Nathan and rum.
I should go pack. Which means I probably won't pack for a good two hours or so.
"You wash my trace from your skin and you leave again..."
Reading questions
(1) What is the author leaving unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 11:50 p.m.
TITLE|melancholia
Thursday, July 22, 2004
I guess this summer wasn't emo enough to write anything here. Until now, that is! Before we get into that, though, some background noise.
-Despite my best efforts, I have no job, and, therefore, I also have no car, no cash, and a permanent mild sunburn from walking everywhere. I like the sunburn. And I love walking everywhere, even if it means my options are limited.
-The group is pretty limited in the transportation department right now. Not only am I car-less, but Natalie crashed her car after we all had a late night at Piya's and Canter's, Matt is in Wales, Piya lives too far away for it to make any sense for her to drive anyone around, and Jeff usually has a truck that seats three people maximum.
-I didn't hang out with Nathan or Stephanie much at the beginning of summer, but I've gotten better about this.
-I have grown addicted to grouphug.us in the worst way.
That's out of the way. Time to get emo.
So I was walking around with Natalie the other night, and she brought up how Chris might leave for Europe as soon as winter break, a fact which I had been trying (and trying successfully, for the most part) to ignore for some time.
I can't really think of anything more depressing. I mean, Chris is like the brother I never had, the son I probably never will, the cousin my cousins never were: beloved, endearing, intelligent - perfect, in his way.
Natalie and I agree that we'll both probably do something stupid like cry for days. I love Chris as I love no one else except, maybe, the lady Natalie herself.
Just because Platonic love is removed from physical desire, that doesn't mean it isn't fierce, that it can't be passionate, that it does not, occasionally, consume the Platonic lover.
And then on top of that is the resurfacing of another love, unexpected and completely against my will - a love as fierce as my love for Chris and Natalie but neither as chaste nor as patient in its longing. The situation is complicated, so I'm not naming names.
He talks about lovers past and present, sexual escapades, long dreamt-of futures. It tears at me in an awful physical way I didn't know could really happen. And even worse is how the perfume of his company is slowly being turned to poison by my unfulfilled yearning.
Blech. I hate getting so emo and dramatic, but I have to get it out of me somewhere.
It's good to be back.
Reading questions
(1) Is the author telling the whole truth here, or is there more to why the prospect of Chris' departure is depressing him so much?
(2) Who might this unnamed love be?
(3) What is the author leaving unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.
Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 03:53 p.m.
|
|
who||andrew
what||aspiring pastry chef with a passion for hidden things
when||twenty-one years ago
where||los angeles
why||purity.adventure.romance
monarchs
chrysalides
"if you would comfort me
sing me a lullaby
if you would win my heart
sing me a love song
if you would mourn me
and bring me to god
sing me a requiem
sing me to heaven"
|
|
