Like on Wednesday, some idiot posted a sign on the door of the lecture hall saying that my CS course had been moved. So, I went to the place the sign said the class had been moved to. Was it there? NO. The idiot hadn't said that only certain classes were moved! So, I headed back, and came in about halfway through the class. Argh...

Then on Thursday, I had this thing to go to after classes (at 6ish), so I had practically no free time that day. Plus, last night I had another thing to go to (this time for a Japanese club-type-thing), but since it was on a Friday, the lack of free time wasn't so bad.

Then, I've been having trouble with some of my classes. The other night, when I was checking to see what our CS homework assignment was, I realized that I didn't know how to do most of it. It wasn't until Thursday night that it occurred to me that maybe...just maybe...reading the chapter (as opposed to the professor's lecture notes) might be a good idea. Aiya...That tells you how stressed I was...that I overlooked something as obvious as that.

Then there's my Calculus class...So far, my professor's been flying through things that are supposed to be "review". Thing is, I've never done quite a bit of it. Now, I took through Calculus in HS, so I know some of the things she said we'd be doing later! So, I talked to her after class on Friday. She said that she thought I could catch up, since the stuff I didn't know wasn't all that crucial. Good, right? Not quite. We started the "new" material that day. She was giving "notes" on Limits, and was going on to derivatives next. Now, I've done both of these and was good at them last year. The information has been hidden in the back of my mind for the summer, but it should come back as she explains it, right? Nope. Even though I never had any problems with them before, and thus should be able to remember with her hinting, I could not follow her notes AT ALL. So, I'm debating whether I should try to get a different professor, or just stick with her. Okaasan thinks that I should just stay in the class, but get a tutor to help me if I can't understand my goofy professor. I suppose that's what I'll do. *Shrugs*

Also, when I came home last night, okaasan said that I'd gotten a letter about that internship/scholarship that I was up for. Turns out that I didn't get it. It was kinda weird, actually. She acted like she expected me to be really upset. But I wasn't. To be honest, I only half wanted it in the first place. Yeah, it would be a great opportunity, they'd pay for my education, and I'd be set when I finished college, but I didn't want to have to move to Virginia! So I'm only half-disappointed about it. I was happy about the whole paying-for-my-college thing, but that's really it. I'm actually kinda relieved that I don't have to go. I kinda feel bad for okaasan and otousan, though...I could tell that they wanted me to get it. *Shrugs* Oh well...Can't do anything about it. Life goes on and all that jazz. ^^

Now, this makes me wonder. Something popped into my head last night...The reason my parents gave for not wanting me to hang around Jason anymore was because they were afraid it would hurt my chances of getting this scholarship. Well, I didn't get it, so I'm wondering if they'd mind if I was friends with him again. The thing is, I'm not sure that it would be a good idea, even if they didn't care. You see, he seems to have done something I never dreamed he'd do: take a hint. After my parents told me not to see him anymore, I wasn't sure how to tell him, so I stopped taking his calls for a while (Thank Kami for Caller ID). After a few times, he didn't call as often. Now, he hasn't called for quite some time. Basically, I got what I was hoping desperately for: I got to avoid a confrontation where I would have to say the words that would break his heart. I'm a coward. I know. But that's what I wanted; for him to just quietly slip from my life. And he did. The other day, Daniel called me while I was at school. When I got home, I called him back to see what he had wanted. He said that he, Bobby, and Jason had been doing something and had wanted to see if I wanted to come. He said that Jason had said he'd not been able to get in touch with me. I'm guessing that, if Daniel's seen him since, he's probably said that he had no trouble getting a hold of me. So I don't know if Jason just figured out that I was dodging his calls and decided to let it go...or what. While it seems perfectly logical, I never thought he'd just let it go like that. The last time we had problems and I stopped taking his calls, it didn't make him drop it...hell, he called three times as often! So I'm not sure what's going on. But I've decided one thing. I'm not going to call him. If he calls again, then I'll deal with him. But if he's already moved on, then I have no right to bother him again, especially after what I've put him through.

*Sighs* Like the post title says, thank God for weekends. I really needed some time to unwind. I've been pretty stressed this week. At least I got to sleep in today. That's always nice. Now, I just have to finish my Japanese homework (I don't have all that much) and I'll be set.

Kitsune-chan rambled at 01:26 p.m. on Saturday, August 23, 2003.

~~ And It Begins... ~~

I started my classes at SIU today. It was a...balanced day, over all.

I got there early, so I could catch the shuttle bus from the parking lot to the Student Center, which is near my first class. Good, right? Not quite. The bus was late, and I barely made it to class. -_- Tomorrow, I'm coming earlier, so if the bus before that one is late, I'll still have some time.

I had a break after my first class, so I went back to the Student Center to eat some breakfast/lunch. I figured that, at 10:00, they wouldn't be all that busy. Wrong again. Only one restaurant was open, and thus it was packed. So, I raided the vending machines for snacks and a soda (that spiffy strawberry & watermelon soda that I've been looking for since my trip to DC!) I sat and called my mother, who made me promise to call her when I could and tell how I was doing. ^^;; So, after I gave her a report, I read for a little while, then headed to my next class, where we did little.

I had another class after that, then a break again. I was going to catch the shuttle back to the parking lot to get the books for my last class out of my car (I couldn't carry them all at once!). Another dud. I made it out of the building and to the Student Center just in time to see the bus drive away. Grr. So, I ended up going back into the Center for lunch. I called again, this time I talked to otousan. After I answered his questions, I finished my lunch and headed to my last class. I left early, since I wasn't sure where the room was. Luckily, I found it easily. Thing is, I got there so early that I had to sit around and wait for a while.

Apparently the local bookstores were having trouble keeping this particular text book in stock, thus most of the class was without book, so I didn't get in trouble for not having mine with me. Which is good. ^^ Then our professor proceeded to give notes. Disorganized, confusing notes. I think I'll be visiting Blackwood-sensei soon...

After class, I hurried to the bus stop by the Student Center, so that I could catch the bus back to the parking lot. By then, I was hot, tired, sore, and ready to go home. Luckily, I didn't miss this one, and made it back okay. I stopped by to visit my mom (she was at work), to tell her about things, then headed home

After repeating my story to otousan, we (he, my brother and I) went to the mall to buy me a better book bag and ate dinner.

*Sigh* I'm tired...but I did learn a few things. One: Don't wear black when it's extremely hot and you will be stuck standing in the sun a lot >.< Two: I have never carried my books on my back/shoulder. Now, when I have so many large, heavy books, is not the time to start.

On top of being tired from less sleep than normal and running around all day, my Japanese professor gave us homework to do. ~_~ I did it earlier, and discovered that I have completely forgotten how to write hiragana properly =P

And now...I'm off to bed. *Sleepy...*

Kitsune-chan rambled at 09:46 p.m. on Monday, August 18, 2003.

~~ A Short Break From...Everything ~~

Gah...I don't want school to start again. =P I've been so busy these past few days. Yesterday I had to spend most of the day wandering around Wal-Mart and Cellular One with my father, so that we could get maintenance done on the car and buy me a cell phone respectively. Aiya...It's too hot and I'm not feeling well enough to deal with this, on top of spending most of the last two or three days running back and forth from SIU.

Then, last night I had to go through my schedule and get all my books and things together. Then I spent a while trying to figure out when I'd have time to eat lunch, go pick up more text books from my car, etc, for each day of the week ('cause my schedule's different each day =P) While I was doing that, I dug out the blank audio cassettes I bought the other day and recorded some anime music to listen to while I'm driving to and from school...Yeah, my father's/my car is an older model and only has a cassette deck (plus the radio), so I can't listen to my CDs. =P I got two 120 minute tapes, which actually works pretty well. That's 60 minutes on each side, and it's about a 60 minute drive from here to SIU. Of course, the first one that I made had all the Yugiou vocals. *Nods* Yup, this is my new obsession. All things Yugiou...except the dub =P

Speaking of Yugiou, I got my copy of the 1st DVD box set on Saturday! Yes, that was the one bright moment in that day...coming home to find that nice little package containing my new HK DVDs. Thank Kami-sama for ANIMEniacs! I watched the whole set today and I have two words to describe it: subtitled Yugiou *Drools* Yeah, the subs were kinda goofy, but that's better than nothing. Though some of the name mix-ups they came up with were kind of amusing...They called Jounouchi 'Sugoroku' (Yugi's grandfather's name) for several episodes...plus, they called Ryou 'Meulung' (or some such spelling) for most of the set! *L* And I officially love the Japanese voice cast. Seto's voice is just yummy. ^^ Plus, a non-Brooklyn-accented Jounouchi is simply wonderful. And of course, I have to mention Yugi and Ryou. Yugi's was a little different than I'd expected, but was good, while Ryou's was adorable. ^^ And Pegasus! *ROTFL* His tone, his random use of English phrases, his habit of calling everyone "boy" (i.e. "Yugi boy", "Kaiba boy"), and his generally eccentric attitude are just plain amusing. ^__^ Besides Pegasus, I managed to get even more attached to Seto and Jounouchi...They both pull the "big brother" act so nicely despite being 'tough guys'...and Yugi's just precious. After his 2nd duel with Kaiba, when he broke down and started crying, I just wanted to pick him up and hold him...It's easy to see why everyone's so protective of him! You just can't resist. ^_^

*Sigh* I feel a little better, having spent today immersed in Yugiou, but I'm still irritated/nervous about school starting tomorrow. I wish that I didn't have to go. *Whines*

Kitsune-chan rambled at 07:32 p.m. on Sunday, August 17, 2003.

~~ More Preparations ~~

I spent the majority of today at SIU. My mother went with me, but didn't go to the things I did. I had this Orientation to go to, for the College of Science. So, I got to sit around for two hours listening to each of the Department heads talk. Rather boring, but it could easily have been worse. After Orientation, I headed over to the Student Center to meet my mother for lunch (she'd been shopping ^^;;) I wasn't all that hungry, so I just snacked a bit.

After lunch, we walked around the campus a bit, so we could find my classes. Luckily, most of them are pretty close together. There's only one time that I have very far to go between classes, and that's only one day a week. I'm glad that we actually went into the buildings and found the rooms; I swear, some of those buildings are like rabbit warrens! There's no apparent rhyme or reason to the structuring. =P We did manage to find everything, though.

After that, we headed back to the Student Center for the Job Fair. Yeah, I have to get a job. Since I have to have one anyway, I'd rather work at the University than somewhere off campus. I filled out several applications, so hopefully I'll get hired somewhere.

By the time we were finished there, we were both hot, exhausted, and in some form of pain. So, we left. By then, I was hungry, so we headed to that wonderful Chinese restaurant that we love so much. We both had sweet and sour chicken (big surprise =P). I felt better after eating, though it did make me sleepy. ^^;; So, we picked up some fast food for the rest of the family and headed home.

Now, I'm just trying to get everything in order. What books I need on what days, when I get lunch, etc. Classes start on Monday, so I'm trying not to stay up late anymore. =P I guess I may as well stop worrying over things and go to bed. After all, I can always worry in the morning. ^^;;

Kitsune-chan rambled at 11:14 p.m. on Friday, August 15, 2003.

~~ Reviews and A Plug ~~

I just finished watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on Bravo, and I have to say that I love this show! I'm not quite sure why, either. I usually hate makeover shows, 'cause they serve only to prove that America (and humanity in general) is disgustingly shallow and superficial. But, for some reason, I love Queer Eye. Probably because the Fab 5 are just plain amusing. ^___^ Plus, so far all of the straight guys have been really good sports about it, which is nice. ^^

Another show that I've been hearing about is Boy Meets Boy, also on Bravo. I've only seen a little of it, mostly whenever I remembered to tune in a little early to catch Queer Eye. But I've seen plenty of commercials, so I know the basics. I really don't like this show. For one, I despise all "Harem" Shows, but I especially dislike this one. From what I've seen, they give the leading man a group of guys to pick from...the only thing is, some of them are straight, and he doesn't know that. I think this is rather cruel. While I don't believe that you could truly be ready for marriage after one of these things (as they always claim in the straight dating shows; though I've not heard of any such agreement to take place at the end of this show), I do believe that it's possible to meet someone that you'd like to continue seeing after the show is done. So, I ask, what will happen if the leading man makes his final choice and picks a straight guy? How's he going to feel? That's just cruel. You don't see them mixing lesbians into the Bachelor's harem, so what's up with this?

I was surfing the net a couple of days ago, when I stumbled across this site: Brats! The Famous ChildFree Rant Page. As someone who decided to be CF during my own childhood, I love this site! I've been browsing through the archives, and I have to say, I can totally relate. Though I haven't had to hear those disgusting breeder bingoisms as often (probably because I'm still quite young), I have heard them and am as annoyed as the rest. It's just so great to see that I'm not alone in my dislike of children, and my sheer hatred for stupid parents, not to mention the ridiculous assumption that everyone wants to breed! For any fellow CFers reading this, go check it out!

Kitsune-chan rambled at 10:04 p.m. on Tuesday, August 12, 2003.

~~ Back to School ~~

Is it just me, or does summer vacation always seem to fly by? Already, I'm getting ready to go back to school...It just doesn't seem like it should be time yet! ^^;;

My mother and I went to the University today to pick up my textbooks. Simple, right? Not quite. The main road to the campus was closed for construction, so we had to take a detour around and try to find another way in. So, we spent a while driving around, just trying to figure out how to get into the campus. Then, once we were in, we couldn't find the Student Center. So, we got to drive around some more...I swear, we're practically locals and we manage to get lost. =P When we got to the bookstore, we learned that two of my books were missing. One was simply out of stock; they told us to try back in a few days. As for the other, however, they said that they hadn't heard from the proper department yet; that is, they didn't know what book to give out for that class....Great. And it figures, one of the ones that I didn't get was the one that I really wanted to read! We'll have to pick up my Japanese book at a later date, along with my Calculus one (Not that I mind with this one!). I did get my CS book (Java, yay ^^), my "Discrete Math" book (*Gag*), and a workbook for my Japanese class, plus a nice Japanese-to-English dictionary.

After we got my books and ate a quick lunch, we headed over to the parking division to get a decal for our car, so I would be allowed to park on campus. That sent us running around a bit, as we had to get papers signed, then go back, etc. Finally got it, though. ^^

As we were heading home, we stopped at the local Barnes and Noble to get something cold to drink. On the way back to the Cafe, my mother started skimming the new releases they had lined up. I'm really glad that she did, 'cause I spotted a copy of Terry Goodkind's newest Sword of Truth novel. Needless to say, I had to have it. ^_^ A new book and a large iced Chai...I was quite pleased.

When we got home, we found a box sitting on the dining room table. It was the t-shirts that I had ordered online about a week earlier. I needed some more clothes for school, so okaasan let me order some at ThinkGeek.com. This store is awesome...Besides having really spiffy merchandise, the service was quite good. I got the Geek, Binary People, SQL Query, b4k4^2, Ph34r t3h Cute Ones, and QuickKill. All quite spiffy. ^^

Kitsune-chan rambled at 11:14 p.m. on Monday, August 11, 2003.

~~ My Two Cents ~~

While channel-surfing recently, I came across MSNBC's Scarborough Country. Being the opinionated person that I am, I have to rant about it a bit.

First off, I saw a segment the other day about NYC's gay high school. The host wasn't happy with the idea of government funding...Hell, that's putting it lightly! He totally tore into the woman who was arguing (very reasonably, mind you) in favor of it. Hell, when I saw that, I automatically branded him as a psycho. Now, I totally agree with her. I think it's a good thing.

Then, on tonight's show, they talked about whether creationism should be taught in school. To this, I say absolutely not! There is no reason in hell that creationism should be taught in public science classes. Unless they come up with some concrete scientific proof, then forget it! Schools have no right whatsoever to force religious beliefs on their students. What I thought was laughably stupid was the guy that was arguing in favor of it actually referred to the theory of evolution as a "religious belief". How the hell is evolution a religious belief? What an idiot! He also said that schools should "tell both sides of the story"...Well, besides the fact that creationism is merely a belief with no real evidence, there's another reason to object to this statement. How many different religions, and thus theories of creation, are there? Looking both at past and present, I think it's safe to say there are a LOT. Thus, if these pushy Christians want it to be "fair", then schools should be required to teach all of the theories of creation, from every religion. Ever. Now, I don't see that happening, and thus there's NO REASON WHATSOEVER that creationism should be taught in schools.

It's actually kinda strange...I'm really conservative on a lot of issues (I'm pro-death penalty, anti-gun control, etc), yet I'm totally liberal when it comes to separation of church and state, and gay rights. I'm not all that religious myself, so it's not that surprising that I'm all for keeping religion far, far away from government. But I'm also totally supportive of gay rights. I'm all for legalizing gay marriages, allowing them to adopt children, etc. The thing is, I'm not gay, and I don't even know anyone who is. Yet, I feel very strongly about this issue. I don't really have a reason why, I just am. I think that, had I been alive during the civil rights struggles of the 60s, I would have been totally supportive of them, as well, though I'm not black and don't know anyone who is. I guess it's just my nature. The rest of my family is very conservative on this...they don't approve of homosexuality, while I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. If I'm not careful, whenever the issue comes across the news, we end up arguing about it.

Okay, I'm done ranting. ^^;;

Kitsune-chan rambled at 12:41 a.m. on Tuesday, August 5, 2003.

~~ Random Things ~~

I swear...reading these posts, I must look totally bipolar. Last one was totally depressed, and this one's pretty content.

I got some new anime to watch, which is nice. ^^ I finally picked up a copy of the uncut subtitled Sailor Moon 1st Season box set. Man...I haven't seen those episodes for years...Nostalgia is gooooood. ^^ I snagged a copy at my local Best Buy, and saved so much money (I'd been planning to order it online) that I was also able to buy the Cowboy Bebop Movie, and Vol. 3 of Gensomaden Saiyuki. ^___^

On a more unpleasant note, I've been without an internet connection for the past couple of days =P Apparently, during the storm we had a few days ago, something at our cable company (we have a cable modem, along w/our TV service) got hit by lightning, and messed it up. Our 'net was down, and half the TVs in the house had fuzzy pictures. =P Luckily, everything seems to be working properly now ^_^

Also, for some reason, I've developed a desire to become a gamer. ^^;; I've spent a good part of today playing Counter Strike with my father and brother. They're both really into those 1st-person shooters, so they're teaching me how to play. As is to be expected, I really suck. But hey, I haven't played a 1st-person shooter since I was in grade school, when we all used to play Quake together. ^^;; My father actually said that I'm pretty good, considering how new I am at it. He thinks I could get better with practice, which is good ^^

Wow, this post has been quite random, ne? ^^;;

Kitsune-chan rambled at 02:06 a.m. on Monday, August 4, 2003.

~~ I Just Wanna Cry... ~~

Well, so much for my good mood. Things have caught up with me, and I'm upset again...but what else is new? I swear...I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I just feel so overwhelmed and alone...

As it is, I'm nervous about starting college, and later that internship (assuming that I get it)...I have to force it to the back of my mind, 'cause if I sit and think about it, I know I'll just start crying. I don't like change. I never have. I don't want to have to move to Virginia for that job...I don't want to leave my family and my home and everything and everyone I've ever known.

Hell, I don't even have that many people here that I care about...just my family. I don't have any close friends...the few that I do talk to are casual acquaintances, not close friends. There's only one person who comes close to that; Jason. As it is, he's not even that close...I mean, I can't tell him about my problems, or ask for advice or comfort...Hell, that's one of the main reasons that I have this little blog...So that I can vent. Since I don't have any one that I can talk to when I'm upset, I have to get it out of my system somehow. Obviously, I'd rather have a friend to talk to, but since I don't, this is the best I can do.

As it is, I get lonely sometimes...I wish I had even a couple of close friends...plus, I've been stressing over breaking up with Jason, though I don't want to lose him as a friend...But tonight my parents told me that they don't want me to even be friends with him anymore. They started their lecture about how his family's reputation could hurt me...Specifically, that it could hurt my chances of getting this internship if the people checking my background knew that I hang around with him. The thing that I hate almost as much has having to lose him, is the sheer injustice of the whole thing. It's his bastard of a father that caused all this...Jason hasn't done anything wrong. I'm going to lose my only friend because of his father's reputation...It just makes me sick.

And there's no one that I can talk to about all this. Not a damn soul. My father and I aren't close enough to talk about this kind of thing. My mother and I are close, but I seriously doubt that she'd understand. Yeah, she told me that she was really shy when she was younger, too, but damn it, at least she had friends! I don't even have that. All I've got is a couple of guys who I talk to occasionally, who don't even really know me.

I just don't know what to do with myself...Right now, I feel like I just want to collapse. I've been crying off and on for most of the past day or so, anyway. I have to find a way to tell Jason that it's over, and that we can't even stay friends...I don't know how I can possibly do that. The other day, he called me and we talked for hours, we were just so glad to hear from each other...Besides just talking like friends (like we usually do), he had to got and get sentimental on me...He started daydreaming about our wedding, what kind of house we'd have, how many pets, everything...I could hardly stand to listen to him, talking about how comforting it was to have something like that to look forward to, knowing that I'd have to take it away from him. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to gather the courage to say something that you know'll break his heart, when he's sitting there telling you how wonderful, beautiful, special and perfect he thinks you are. *Cries* I just don't know what to do...

*Looks back up at her post* God...I didn't mean to get this depressed...but I do feel a bit better now, having written it all out...

Kitsune-chan rambled at 02:24 a.m. on Monday, July 21, 2003.

~~ Let's Play A Game... ~~

I'm in such a good mood today! I went to the mall with my mother today, because I needed a new book to read. I got a copy of Arrows of the Queen by Mercedes Lackey, which I'll start on soon. The main reason that I wanted to go, however, was because Waldenbooks carries graphic novels now. After picking up my fantasy novel, I checked out their manga section. I was rather surprised to find the very thing that I'd been hoping that they'd have: Volume 1 of Yugiou. For some reason, I got hooked on this title some time ago. Now, I've only seen a couple of dubbed episodes (with no intention to see more...the dub is on par with the early DBZ & SM dubs =P), but as I learned a bit about the original version, it caught my interest. I'm so glad that they had it in stock! I've already read it, and can't wait for the next one to come out! (Which isn't until sometime in August ;_; But they introduce Kaiba Seto in it! Yay! Besides Seto, I can't wait until they bring Bakura Ryou in...*G*) The graphic novel itself is very nice. It reads right-to-left, in the traditional Japanese format, and they left the original Japanese names of the characters! (Forget "Joey", gimme my Jounouchi! *Glomps*) Plus the occasional liner note to explain cultural things. ^^V

Lately, I've been prowling the net, looking for images and desktop things, as well as any place that I can get the subtitled version of the anime. (Damn you, 4Kids, for making such a crappy dub and then not offering the subbed version on the DVDs!) I've found a store selling subbed import DVDs, but I want to ask around the fan community to see if they're reliable before I order from them. I just hope that I can get some subbed episodes soon...I can tell that my copy of Volume 1 is going to see a lot of use, and I'm anxious to see the story unfold. ^^ *Goes off to happily reread her graphic novel and watch the anime intros/closings she downloaded* *Sings* Kawaita sakebi ga...

Kitsune-chan rambled at 02:25 p.m. on Wednesday, July 16, 2003.