on death.......Thursday, June 3, 2004
We were like toddlers with guns, teenagers with words in our mouth that were too big for us to swallow, we toyed with "visitation" and "funeral" throwing them back and forth between our teeth.
Nothing would prepare us for what we would witness, what we would long to do, to take his body and hug it against us and let our warmth somehow transfuse into his and then he'd be alive again...children are funny when it comes to death...
But we are not children, we are of the world that is inbetween childhood and adulthood and we are beyond the understanding of our elders, and yet it is as if we've been shoved into the rolls of grown-ups, for what has happened...
I thought perhaps seeing him would make me understand that it is finished, to bring myself to terms...yet I can't quite comprehend it still...every morning our biology class met, at 8:15 sharp (some times fuzzy, heh)...every school day rain or shine...we became like a family...and when Anthony left we wished him farewell...and so we do the same with Ravi, the same, and yet an entirely different farewell.
We stood in line like good soliders paying our dues to a fallen companion, but this was different.
After a long trod, we were sweapt into a room, four figures huddled on a couch, and a casket lay open with bunches of bouquets surrounding it. I brushed against the casket where Ravi lay, surrounded by his belongings, his guitar, and then, on the sofa, his family. Mother, Father, Sister, and Girlfriend...I felt for them. I can imagine the pain they felt more than I really felt it myself...they probably understood that Ravi wouldn't wake up.
Around a corner and through a doorway, past relatives holding tissue boxes, there was the prize. Two letters. One to his parents, and one to his sister. Ravi really left his mark, he spoke of the future, and of the past, of what they had done, and what he would do for them. This was the treasure, this is what made the world weep, and me as well. I passed my precious classmates and gave them tight hugs, and walked out the door.
Was this really the end?
Death is not the end.
Death is just another path, one that we all must take, but when it is over, the clouds will part, and all will turn to silver and glass, and on the horizon we will see it.
See what?
A new dawn.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 06:44 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
10:01...Saturday, May 29, 2004
okay so 10:01 isn't so early in the morning...and yet, I'm messed up like whoa b/c I went to sleep at 1:40ish last night
I'm sitting here doing what I normally do in the morning...listening to music (hey ya!) and playing spider solitare...and I figure it's a good time to do that entry I wanted to do two days ago (thursday)
okay so if you didn't know...my thursday was extremely busy, it went a little something like this
shopping for sarah and melissa 10-11:30
home for a bit 12-12:40
hallmark buying graduation cards 1-1:20
sarah's for my birthday lunch 1:30-4
home again 4:20-5
swimming 5:15-6:15
here's where we get into my little...stent.
I got out a little later than I wanted, and thusly was in a slight of a hurry as I was driving home...so I was going about 40 around a corner and discovered the car infront of me was STOPPED waiting to turn into this random neighborhood...so out of no where I had to slam on the breaks...well after they turn I'm starting to move again and this STUPID FSKING TRUCK comes ALL THE WAY up behind me....no joke he like was going fourty STRAIGHT AT ME until around five feet away!~ the thing is he never moved more than six feet away from me...I -HATE- that...I often have urges to give people a lovely middle finger salute...but as I glanced behind me at this JERKFACE I saw that he had a wife and a kid in his car with him so I restrained myself...of course once we turned onto lake murray he pulled into another lane and zoomed ahead...but MAN did I want to get out of the car and start tearing at him...I was late too! and you didn't see me up on someone else's ass!!! I mean seriously...what the heck was wrong with this guy??? after he zoomed ahead I flicked off his tail just to relieve a little of the anger I had toward him...now...I'm not going to promote suicide or anything...but if anyone ever plans on purposely hurting yourself via a car wreak...look for a large black truck with a big 20 plastered on the back window and drive your car into the passenger side b/c this guy is a JERK!
yes. I feel better now.
anyhow...at 11 I'm leaving to get oliver and we're gonna go to graduation dntown...should be exciting...it always is...then go hug sarah and home that we don't start sweating and getting all yuck () okay. well I've gotta go take a shower.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 10:01 a.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
Happy Birthday To Me!...Tuesday, May 25, 2004
sugarplum8704: hey girl...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!:-)
waffles ate me: hey i might not come back at all the rest of the night so you know, happy birthday, and all that good stuff. =] hope it was awesome
schep105: happy bday
schep105: or as i like to say.. happy irl lvl up day
sarahndipityy: happy birthday to melanie
sarahndipityy: happy birthday to melanie!
sarahndipityy: melanie rocks because she's 17!
sarahndipityy: happy birthday to melanie
sarahndipityy: now melanie and sarah are the same age
sarahndipityy: now melanie and sarah are the same age
sarahndipityy: so now everyone else will think they're twins!
sarahndipityy: ...and many more :-)
arcobish: oh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
arcobish: (oh, and happy birthday)
arcobish: !
killa kali 07: happy birthday
cfioncn: happy birfday
IrmoPlaya21: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELANIE!!!
IrmoPlaya21: :-* ur a great friend...have a great day...i need sleep though so i'll ttyl
irmoguitarkid: happy birthday!
irmoguitarkid: I'll sing you the happy b-day song to you......online
irmoguitarkid: Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to melanieee!
MAdCrAzYpUnKbAbY: happy almost b-day, dear
TOOLundertow46n2: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELLY!!!! ^_^ <33333333
TOOLundertow46n2: <3 happy birthday <3
TSskates: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Circle of Fools: Yay, happy birthday.
KurlEQ168: well happy birthday
Blau Auge Engel: g'mornin
Blau Auge Engel: and happy birthday!
Blau Auge Engel: bye bye...happy birthday...again
nakedguitar435: happy early birthday!
nakedguitar435: happy early birthday!
karmachicka15: its your birthday..
karmachicka15: NOW!
karmachicka15: :-D
karmachicka15: happy birthday melanie!!
karmachicka15: you can now legally purchase rated-R movie tickets!
karmachicka15: :-D:-D:-D
karmachicka15: i love you!
karmachicka15: hope your day is good!
karmachicka15: :-)
Auto response from karmachicka15: oomph...going to bed...love you brandon :-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELANIE!!!!
SurfrPunk86: HAPPY B DAY
ForsakenSou1: Happy Birthday!!!
ForsakenSou1: :]]] I get to give you presents ^_^
SageN1108: Happy Birthday
AnimeAngelAmi: so here's my b-day song for u...."I shave my legs, I'd wear a bra, I'd even cut my penis off for you!!!" happy birthday! Find a guy who says that to u and u get a fuzzy bunny! brb
Oliver091987: happy birthday
Distructi0n: happy birthday :-)
captaindrew85: happy birthday
Lilfox121: happy birthday!
marlowewolram: happy birthday
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 10:01 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
ramble!...Monday, May 17, 2004
which is better, to be the fastest in the slow lane, or to be the slowest in the second to slowest lane?
so yeah...I'm in the fsking slow lane at swim team practice, but I will admit...I definately pwn all of the other swimmers in my lane.
first there's my brother...second fastest...but his issue is he "hopps" when he gets in the shallow lane...how the fsk is he going to get anywhere in a comp. if he keeps on hop/walking in the shallow end???
then there's the girl in the black suit with the hemp necklase...who always gets pissed when you pass her up. okay...so the girl is doing butterfly in front of me and I'm like...wtf...this isn't butterfly it's like butter-reast (butterfly/breast) so she's got some kind of mutant version of butterfly with butterfly arms and breast stroke kicks.
next is the girl that can't swim at all...and ends up needing to be taught how to do everything...and her breast stroke kicks remind me of sciccors about to chop me in the face.
last, but certainly not least, is the horizontally challenged black girl who swims like she's throwing a temper tantrum, and is very likely to kick you in the face, and you're pretty much gaurentteed to have to swim around her...
the moral of my speal?
you may suck at swimming, but there's always bozos like these to make you feel better. pwnt.
melly out.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 08:39 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
HELL-oh?...Sunday, May 2, 2004
please save me from the trials and tribulations that have befallen me in this hell-stricken world of AP tests
monday-english ap test/out to lunch/home/school for history
tuesday-bio studying, english, math review, 3d/studying for history
wedensday-bio studying, history!!, physics, physics review/studying for history
thursday-bio studying, english, math test, 3d, home studying for physics/bio...sleep early.
friday-history tests, home to take a break and finish studying biology--someone take me out somewhere? please? maybe?
saturday-physics studying at Mrs. Suttons house...and other more exciting stuff if I'm lucky
sunday-more physics...cramming with the catholics (christy and emily)
monday-biology in the morning, physics in the afternoon...home never to return to school again! (okay so I lied...but yeah home to crash.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 04:57 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
I watched the sun set through wysteria branches...Saturday, April 17, 2004
saturday
I went to MSF expecting to have nothing to do and I was going to watch everyone else work and laugh at them then eat lunch and head home...but I ended up with an assload of stuff to do and had to work on posters and etc...so it was scary. Then around 2:30 I picked up jacob and we went to my house and stuffed easter eggs...and watched monty python and went to outback for dinner : ) 'twas a good day.
sunday
easter sunday...sung songs and then headed out to atlanta...for dinner we ate at this indian restaurant which was good and I had vegetable curry : ) yummy. also got lots of candy for easter am trying to avoid eating it all. Oh yeah and we went swimming and had floating races and played marco polo...but I sucked majorly (I was it the majority of the time in marco polo...I did beat everyone at floating races though)
monday
went shopping all day at the mall...got two shirts and some pants from j.crew, makeup from sephora, and a button up shirt and a blue dress from anthropolgie. yay. then we went to TAKA's the sushi place for dinner--good. and went swimming again...I redeemed my horrible performance at marco polo the night before by not being "it" once : D
tuesday
after lunch at this native american place we drove home and all was good...I just slept a lot then came home and slept even more...'twas fun...then I sat and talked online...not too terribly exciting I don't suppose : P oh well. oh yeah...brother and I stayed up until 2 in the morning watching random stuff on television hehe.
wedensday
: D today I got up at like 8ish and took my car to get it's oil changed...did some biology review book...and then went back home; played cards, then at 3:45 went to get jacob and we went to see starsky and hutch : D and then I got to eat dinner at his house with his mom :smile: she made special vegetarian dinner just for me...it was exciting...we had greek salad...bread, honeydoo melon, and artichokes! then we had some of jacob's grandmother's cake...jacob and I watched a bit of goodfella before dinner...which was amusing ^_^
thursday
meh...I got up early and went to my partener's interview at 10....then had a rather boring rest-of-the morning...I was bored out of my mind...so much so that I did a bit more of my biology review book...then talked to cat online, and then called jacob around 12:20...we had a long conversation about what we could do and he made fun of all of my suggestions >_<; so finally I just said we should watch kill bill at my house then go eat dinner with my family heh. exciting. Then I did biology essays until three thirtyish which is when we did watch kill bill and went to dinner...we ate at macaroni grill...and drew all kinds of cool pictures on the table...which I saved and am going to hang up on my bulitin board : ) Then I finished my biology essays...fun.
friday
I got up late () and had to go to my hair cut at 11...after that I went home I found out that I had msf...so I went to that from 12 to five-ish...which is when the rents got me to come home and eat dinner with them...(pizza) and wrote my english essay...then that night I went to The Alamo with Tina (YAY history lessons!) when I got back I finished up my english essay (Thank god)
saturday
and that leaves us with today...doesn't it? I got up around 8...got dressed and got to MSF at 9:20ish...stayed there absolutely all day (joy) and worked on various things...had potato soup for lunch (very good) then got home around 6. worked on my biology fill in the blank...and read history outside and watched the sun set through the wysteria branches : ) mm...good week methinks.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 06:59 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
tell me a story~!...Friday, April 9, 2004
(so jacob and I were talking on the phone and I couldn't think of a good story so we decided to do the pass story where every other sentence you say and the other person says the opposite ones...this isn't exactly even but I like to think you can tell which ones I said and which ones jacob said : P hehe...okay here ya go)
Once upon a time there was a magical river, and beside this magical river lived two extrodinary creatures, a beaver, and a lizard. One day the lizard was walking to his friend the beaver's house. All of the sudden he saw...a box of cereos on crack. What should we do with these? said the lizard. We should eat them and become high and happy! said the beaver. So they ate them, and all of the sudden a magic carpet came out infront of them. Oh look a magic carpet said the lizard, and he hopped on. The beaver hopped on and said Good observation! They flew on the magic carpet over the magic river until they got to a flock of flamingos where they landed. Oh all hail the mighty beaver and lizard the flamingos chanted in unison. The beaver said we could use them as pawns and make them become our followers!
(at this point jacob says "good summary of the whole plot!" because we went off on a tangent about christianity () hehe.)
The lizard said yeah! what should I do? Shut up said the beaver I haven't told you what to do yet! So then the beaver said Go to the land of the miniture turtles and find the one that knows the secret of existance. So the lizard hopped on the magic carpet like a good pawn and rode to the land of the miniature turtles. Which one of you is the one that knows the secret to existence? asked the lizard as he stood on top of one of hte turtles. all of the sudden one small turtle stood on top of another and said I do! No you don't said the lizard, and he shot him. Then another turtle said I do! but the lizard said no you don't and he threw him in a pond. Well the lizard went through all of the turtles like this massacring them, until he got to the last one when he asked do you know the secret to existence? No said the turtle. Okay said the lizard, you'll do. Because apparently the secret to existance is not to know the secret of existence or something...anyway so the lizard rolled up his carpet and rode for 100 days and 100 nights on the turtle to reach the pond of the flamingos where he delivered the turtle to the beaver. The beaver looked at him head to tail, foot to foot, and shell to...bottom of shell. Then he said good work! to the lizard...and shot him because he knew too much. So he and the turtle ruled over the flamingos like a dictatorship and got them to build them a temple of gold. THE END
(actually I think the temple was earlier but I forgot until now so it'll go at the end of the written version)
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 07:14 a.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
happy entry : )...Thursday, April 8, 2004
thursday
yay! robotics : ) I picked up jacob around 8...then we headed down to the colonial center as I dogded cars and phone calls from matt...the majority of the day was spent sitting around watching robots practice and other stuff...we went to wendy's for lunch with marlowe and talked about all kinds of random stuff : ) hehe
friday
we had to get there a little earlier today, took the van again and picked up jacob at seven : ) we sat in the front row and watched the competition and it was exciting! : D apparently bob sucked...but that's okay because everything else made up for it hehe...and let's see...we went to rising high for lunch and talked about religion and AP stat then we went back and watched the rest...then headed home around 6 or so.
saturday
yay robotics again! today I had my car!!! I picked up jacob at 7:30...today we won a couple more matches but still didn't make it to finals...went to subway for lunch with craig and puja...then we watched finals and then we stayed after and got a cool metaly thingy and went home : )
sunday
church to sing, then musical at three with jacob! hehe...it was cute and amusing but I was the main disturbance of the whole thing...oh well go melissa anyway~! I heart you : ) then afterwords I met jacob's other brother when I took him home...and his brother and girlfriend again when everyone came outside to see my car! yay car! then my family was late to dinner, but it was still fun and me and kim went and talked about random stuff and took a nap : )
wedensday
one more musical with jacob : ) at my school this time, to see amanda...was extremely cute though the music wasn't working all that well...oh well...go manda and yay jacob : )
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 10:42 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
