happy entry : )...Thursday, April 8, 2004
thursday
yay! robotics : ) I picked up jacob around 8...then we headed down to the colonial center as I dogded cars and phone calls from matt...the majority of the day was spent sitting around watching robots practice and other stuff...we went to wendy's for lunch with marlowe and talked about all kinds of random stuff : ) hehe
friday
we had to get there a little earlier today, took the van again and picked up jacob at seven : ) we sat in the front row and watched the competition and it was exciting! : D apparently bob sucked...but that's okay because everything else made up for it hehe...and let's see...we went to rising high for lunch and talked about religion and AP stat then we went back and watched the rest...then headed home around 6 or so.
saturday
yay robotics again! today I had my car!!! I picked up jacob at 7:30...today we won a couple more matches but still didn't make it to finals...went to subway for lunch with craig and puja...then we watched finals and then we stayed after and got a cool metaly thingy and went home : )
sunday
church to sing, then musical at three with jacob! hehe...it was cute and amusing but I was the main disturbance of the whole thing...oh well go melissa anyway~! I heart you : ) then afterwords I met jacob's other brother when I took him home...and his brother and girlfriend again when everyone came outside to see my car! yay car! then my family was late to dinner, but it was still fun and me and kim went and talked about random stuff and took a nap : )
wedensday
one more musical with jacob : ) at my school this time, to see amanda...was extremely cute though the music wasn't working all that well...oh well...go manda and yay jacob : )
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 10:12 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
twist me wrist me...Sunday, April 4, 2004
as of late I've decided that there is something about a guy's wrist that is so much more elegant and amazingly wonderful than a girl's wrist...
for example...while looking at my wrist I see two parallel lines on either side that slope out into my palm, and then out into rather pudgy fingers...
a guy's wrist has this really prominate bone that sticks out...sure it does that on my wrist but not as much...and the bone makes this swooping hoop that is just really asthetically pleasing...I dunno...it makes me feel safe...I want to curl my fingers up into the guy's hand so the broad palm presses into my own and makes me feel like someone's there for me...regardless as to weither or not I'm awake and feeling pretty, or tired and feeling exhausted...mmm...anyway...
should probably post something about the robotics competition...maybe I'll just post pictures later....yeah...that'll be easier : D anyway...sleepy time for melanie, school tomorrow
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 11:49 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
Zorro-Zorro-ZorroFest!...Thursday, March 25, 2004
"I am so ruling these games! I've got so much candy it's like halloween only I'm not dressed up!" -Jake
I feel a lot better for some reason...Zorrofest cheered me up...maybe it was the home-made sushi, or the rice, or greek-cookies...god only knows but it was pretty damn fun...our cafeteria was transformed into a cool discoesque club look...with lots of christmas lights and all kinds of random things haning around to serve as lighting...the dim-ness sorta set the mood for a happy party life atmosphere...
I hung out with christy and her boyfriend and we coasted around playing games and, like the aformentioned quote, getting candy : )
the music was live, and pretty damn cool...carl is my hero, mary is my hero, and baker is my hero...along with the kid...griffen...he could sing : ) hehe...awesomeness..."bye bye bye"
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 09:21 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
breath in breath out...Tuesday, March 23, 2004
I was going to do another public service announcement on the fuck-tards that drive to school and park around me in the parking lot...but I'm so depressed right now that my senseless babeling would be far less coherent than normal.
I don't know why I feel this way...sure there are definate things that caused them...feelings and actions that took place in time and moved forward to find myself here infront of the computer on the verge of tears doing what?
typing a blogg entry
it's like in "p.s. I love you"...you get depressed...you have a cup of tea...I get depressed...I write a blogg entry...though I'm afraid it doesn't quite have the medicinal remidies of a cup of tea...it serves it's purpose for venting...though I'm still on the verge of tears..
perhaps because I haven't vented much...
that's because I'm at a loss for words...sure I know what CAUSED this depression...but do I want to spread it to the world? no. sure that's the -point- of these things...but god knows even I need something to myself every once and a while...and I just don't even know how to express this in words...so it's easy to keep it all bottled up.
I'm sure this entry seems like it's going no where...that's mostly because it is...going no where that is...because while I can not bring myself to tell you exactly what it is wrong freely and truely...there is nothing for you to read that would further intrest you in my misery...therefore my friends...we are at a stalemate.
"rip my heart right out."
continuing...
did I mention I feel like a failure?
looking back on my accomplishments and failed attempts at being what I would consider a normal teenage girl...I pretty much have failed miserably...I love the quaint reminders people give me of this...really and truely I do...I love the way josh tells me I'm immature...or joel makes fun of me...or christy indirectly makes me look like an idiot...sure...all of that's just great...
but what's best is relationships...I've sunk the relationship boat...I can't seem to form a cohearent relationship that would be sensable for a teenage girl any longer...I don't blame it on derek..but he sure as hell contributed to this...it's like someone took all of my emotions that made sense and threw them into a big pot...boiled them for a while and then tried to separate them back out...and failed miserably...hence my inability to feel like a normal human girl...and thus my scary unstable mess of an emotional ball that I've become :sigh:
part of it...probably most of it...is my fault...I let myself become this stupid monster of untamed emotions...yeah it was me I admit it...and I don't know how the hell to get back out of it...all of my moments of happiness are artifical (at least it seems like it) I'm constantly unaware of what true happiness is...or even if it exists in the small world of me any longer...I mean sure I feel happy...but is it the same? and why is it slowly getting easier for me to sink into these god aweful feelings?...meh
"all this time, I'm such a mess, I drank all my money could get."
"you know.....***** is known as an ass who leads people on and then messes with them..........breaks their hearts......and generally screws with them"
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 10:47 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
survival of the fittest, darwin's theory of evolution...Friday, March 19, 2004
In order to survive as a single in DF High School the only thing necessary is to posess a sixth sense. That's all.
This sixth sense must be able to detect subconciously serious make out sessions in random empty coordors around the school and then stop the movement toward them before this utterly depressing and grotesque display of public affection is sighted by one of our favorite true senses...
It seems that I, myself, have the very opposite of this necessary sense.
Every time I walk down a half empty hall or down the stairs to lunch I look around me and always, ALWAYS my eyes seem to divert to the stupid hooligans who are tightly embraced at the bottom of the stares tongues in eachother's mouth.
I don't ask much...hell I don't mind that people hug, or even an occasional kiss on the cheek...but FOR GOD'S SAKE...please stop making out in front of me...not only is it depressing it's also gross and I wouldn't want anyone else to see ME and my partner of choice getting busy in some random hallway so why the freak won't you just cut it down on the PDA people???? PLEASE!!!
this has been a public service anouncement from the mouth of M.Clmnz--thanks a bunch for listening
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 04:10 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
my eyes were green today...Saturday, March 6, 2004
the fact that my eyes were green today has nothing to do with what I'm about to tell you about my week, it's just a trival fact that happens to make me content due to the fact that it was lovely shade of green...really pretty...
THURSDAY :
I wore my green capris and red top to school, I'd gotten quite a bit of sleep because I fell asleep reading my biology book, a failure that cost me several points on my test (but I got a 79 with the curve...which is good for biology) anyway....that afternoon I stepped in some gum...gum that would fuck up the end of my week...as I was pulling out of hte middle school when I picked up my brother I discovered that the gum was sticking my shoe to the ground...and I looked down and BANG! I slammed into the mini van infront of me...damaging it quite a bit ()...the next hour was procceded by quite a bit of crying...oh well.
FRIDAY :
an okay day, no bio test...no tests at all...my pot got ruined and I wore a pretty dress and went to melissa's house to eat and got to meet her "dude" and then have a home cooked meal...and it was good ^_^ other than that not much happened...I was just content. oh and I made the dough for my peanut butter cookies
SATURDAY :
a bit of my conversation with jesse :
Kirioshi: first I got up at seven, (took a shower : P) and burned some cds with my art for the pageant to work on... Kirioshi: then I drove to my high school and worked on pageant stuff from 8:30-2:30 Kirioshi: ...around 3 I went and picked up my friend schep...and we went back to my house and I made peanut butter cookies for all my friends... Kirioshi: then around 4:30 we drove around and gave them to people ^_^; I burnt my hand on the stove... Kirioshi: then my last friend, eliot, decided to come to dinner with us at inakaya for sushi Kirioshi: ...well then I dropped my friends off at their houses...and it was like...6:30...and one of my friends who I brought cookies to said my friend drew was home from coc... Kirioshi: (college of charleston) Kirioshi: soo...I just drove to his house to see if she was right Kirioshi: and sure enough his car was there...so I went in to surprise him...but he was out with his dad grocery shopping -_- Kirioshi: so I just suprised his mom () Kirioshi: then they told me they were cooking dinner...(something they never do...normally they eat out...his parents are like my second set of parents)...anyway and I was invited to join them Kirioshi: so () I ended up eating another dinner SmlyHapMan: hehe SmlyHapMan: what'd you have the second time? Kirioshi: baked potato, stuffed salmon, asparagus, and mushrooms Kirioshi: mmm...it was soooooooo good Kirioshi: both were really good ()
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 11:45 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
Shattering Glass...Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Today my english teacher handed me Shattering Glass around 10:00.
it's 9:15 now, and I finished it just shy of 9...
Shattering Glass, by Gale Giles is the kind of book I wish I never picked up.
I guess I'm a wuss, I guess I just can't "take it" so what if I didn't finish reading the "True Confessions of Charolette Doyle" in sixth grade because I was afraid, afraid of what would happen.
I never hated the book Shattering Glass, not until around page 153.
I won't tell you what happens...but god I wish I'd just never picked up this book because it's so good at at the same time it tells something about human nature that is the most horrible thing ever...
Giles uses a large amount of forshadowing to tell the story, it's like tempting you with juicy bits about the future...like...telling the story from beginning to middle...and overlapping that is a smaller bit of the story told from end to middle...
I'm not sure if a lot of you have read this so I don't want to tell you what happens...but I'll just leave you with this, the first paragraph :
"Simon Glass was easy to hate. I never knew exactly why, there was too much to pick from. I guess, really, we each hated him for a different reason, but we didn't realize it until the day we killed him."
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 09:39 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
filename==melanie.emotions...Sunday, February 22, 2004
Tina's losing faith in what she knows
Hates her music hates all of her clothes
Thinks of surgery and a new nose
Every calorie is a war
And while she wishes she was a dancer
And that she’d never heard of cancer
She wishes God would give her some answers
And make her feel beautiful
I remember feeling low
I remember losing hope
I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...
Sometime in the middle of january...I came to discover I was in love :sigh: I'm not sure what type of "in love" this is and that's what makes it all the more confusing... normally this kind of thing would make me happy--and it does...but the fact that my darling jesse is slightly far away and slightly "older" as compared to me, at least for our ages right now, does not make it easy...
I just wanted to say...
then at the same time every time jesse gets on I feel a lot better and I'm happier and not as moody...I dunno what it is but it makes me feel better about this stupid messed up life I'm tumbling through right now...hmm...anyway it's fun talking to jesse...so I'm not going to stop : )
one day
you will stand up on your own,
You will stand up on your own.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 12:41 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
Jesse's Back...Tuesday, February 17, 2004
hehe...so I guess I should give you a little breifing on the rest of my weekend/the beginning of this week.
SUNDAY
Mom got suck in the mud, pictures at the least I could do eh...I fooled around online and did some bio test...and jesse got home from Katsucon! : ) yay jesse ^_^ he is my hero...
MONDAY
woke up late and didn't do ANY homework...got the bio test done by end of physics, group quiz in history thank god...and left school at 1:06 and came home and made lunch, practiced piano, took a shower, AND a nap before it was time for piano and robotics...mmm...I rock.
back home talking to jesse online and listening to "come on" by ben jellen : ) yay.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 11:41 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
nothing says happy valentines day like being called a terrorist...Saturday, February 14, 2004
Okay, so I get up early this morning take a shower and head out into town...
I was sending my friend jesse the valentines day present thing I made him...anyway...so I was going to the post office to send it
I get there and find one of those nifty tube things and roll it up and put it in there...and then I realize that I left his address out in the car...so like a normal regular trusting teenager I ask the person infront of me to hold it please while I ran out to my car to get the address...he said sure (he being a middle aged black man)
I go outside in the lovely rain (seriously I love rain) and grab the address...then run back inside and take my tube thing back...the man hands it to me and says...
"I had to shake it, I was afraid it was a bomb and you were a terrorist, sorry if I broke anything."
my reaction -- WHAT THE FUCK??
if you haven't already seen the pictures up at the top take a second to look at them...do I -LOOK- like the type that would be handing people pipe bombs then running out to my car to detinate them??????
...do I LOOK like a terrorist??? do I look like I could even make a bomb??? do I look like I could make a bomb that could be carried in a 2cm thick sketch book and placed in a tube that I bought FROM THE POST OFFICE ITSELF??
gah...so then I had to stand in line listening to this guy tell me how things aren't like they used to be and one must be careful and all this crap
basically...this valentines day has been fucked for me
I got accused of being a terrorist, greaaatt... >_<
Kirio out.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 06:19 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
the rain...Monday, February 9, 2004
Outside it is raining. Busy people trod with their heads down through the street. Slippery slick raincoats protect the average work-day garb of the passerby. I sit on my porch watching the down-trodden faces and I remember to a time when I was young, and it was raining, and I decided something for myself.
When I was little we used to play hopscotch by drawing the board out on the sidewalk in chalk. Eventually the board would fade, and soon, the rain washed it away. I used to push my face up against the window and watch as the board was cleansed and the chalk washed down the sewer like a wave of the ocean sweeping over marks in the sand.
Nowadays I know the rain washes away more than just some chalk on the sidewalk. I feel as if the misty rain washes away our fears and our sins, our regrets and our doubts, our troubles and our sorrows. It clears our conscience. In this way the rain is peaceful, calm, majestic. Sometimes I feel as if I could sit at the window and watch the rain for hours; its peaceful plops are enough to calm the mind and the soul.
People often feel that rain brings darkness and despair. People frown and are fraught in the face of rain. People fear and are dismayed when the first drop falls. People need to open their eyes, stop looking at their feet, and see that rain is really nature’s way of cleansing the world.
At times I wonder why people become so moody when it begins to rain, for the real feeling brought on by the rain is much more a feeling of peace rather than a feeling of depression and woe. Back on my porch I slip off my shoes and let the rain drip onto my feet with a satisfying plunk. I smile at the average passerby hoping that someday they’ll see the beauty and wonderful truth behind the rain, rather than be inundated by depression every time a drop falls.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 08:23 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
A Lonely Conversation...Sunday, February 8, 2004
wheeeeeeeeeee...this weekend was...interesting. let's see...I guess I'll do a nice recap with lots of RANDOMNESS inbetween...how about that?
FRIDAY
woot, obviously the whole school deal, minus oliver the pillow friend and she-rah the bio friend (due to their research field trip type thing) apparently my eye was doing this really messed up twitchy thing all day...and I finished my pot in 3d. then we went off with roots and shoots to the children's garden downtown to bring them the stuff we'd collected throughout the week...apparently they didn't need our help hanging out with the kids though >_<; then we went (because of my suggestion!) to Monterry's!!! yayyy...and then I took joel home (he'd been riding around with me) and he had to go to work : P (work is the sux) then I traversed home and played halo and checked out the forums that I mod at :plugplugplug: The Least I Could Do anyway...so that was fun...and I went to bed sometime early saturday morning...heh.
SATURDAY
got up sometime around 8:30, took a shower and proceeded to try and get my ipod to work with the itunes...failed miserably still don't know what the fuck is up with it but I'm too lazy to figure it out so I just got frustrated and left for robotics around 9:30. called and woke tina up at 10:00...because there were not any other girls there and I was extremely alone () then tina got there and shortly after so did jordan...apparently oliver was at the ACT and philip was at some math team thing...but later we called sutton and then drove to her house and picked up some stickers then went fundraising...we got a cake, some hair care stuff, and also two free months tanning to auction off (interesting ()) then we went back and showed our cool stuff to sutton, and then tina went off to a birthday party. Jordan and I got lunch at wendy's...and then went to my house so I could grab some shoes that were more capture the flag acceptable ('cept I didnt' get to go play...will explain more later) then we drove back to irmo highschool and checked out how the robot was doing...at 3:30 jordan left to change and at 4 we were GOING to meet at the park...but shirl called and apparently our electricity went out so I had to go and watch my sister and her friend until it went back on :sigh; and I missed drayton too! wai. then I grabbed sushi with eliot for dinner, then went home and the electricity went out AGAIN...damn thing...then I worked on the rhythm and zenigata thingy for jesse...and then finished the two things for mr. orr and sent them...and sent the icon to the robotics site :plugplugplug!: d5 robotics yep...and that was about it...went to bed early sunday morning.
SUNDAY
got up at 8, took a shower and was ready by 8:40...told siblings I was leaving in twenty minutes, got in the car...sister came out and brother never did...left and went to choir...sang and did the descant with melissa bush and what not...then drove home and made lunch for little sister (Brother was taken to church by shirl but he didn't go to mass he helped in the nursery...grawr...don't get me started) then I played halo and checked out the site again (btw robert redford is the daily beef today : ) so yay!) and then let's see...tried to read history...failed...made cupcakes for people that I like : ) then went to drayton's at 3 and picked him up then walked around the park and talked to him for about 45 minutes...dropped a cupcake off with meisha and took drayton home..came home read history and played more halo...then took a bath...and now I'm writing this...around 8 I'm probably going to head downstairs to watch the grammy's or at least a little of it...I wish there was a computer by a television but yeah () that's about it.
won't miss this day and I don't care now, the sunrise promises nothing new.
OH! and tip of the day...if you are trying to have fun and trick someone from knowning that it is you on aim by signing on a different screen name...don't do anything that is signature to you...like "()" because it fucking gives you away XD oh well. I tried ya know...was bored...saturday night. (after the power went out before I started working on the rhythm zenigata thing for jesse)
I guess it's only the men who get fucked now and again.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 06:50 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
rain...Thursday, February 5, 2004
when I was little we used to play hopscotch by drawing the board out on the sidewalk in chalk...eventually the board would fade and soon...the rain washed it away.
Nowadays the rain washes away more than just some chalk on the sidewalk...I feel as if the misty rain washes away our fears and our sins. It clears our conscience. In this way we are like the sidewalk; always wavering between being bedraggled and a clean slate.
and it pours
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 07:05 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSE...Wednsday, February 4, 2004
uhh...see title : )
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 07:00 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
tree outside my window...Monday, January 19, 2004
every morning I face away from the sunrise as my eyes slit open to the lone window in my room and gaze out into the hazy morning light
my window is abstract, an isocolese triangle and through this little patch to the outside world I see the washed out blue sky of the morn...and the tip of the forest that rests to the south of my house.
in this forest...there's a tree...delicate waving branches that sway in the morning waving at me as if to say goodmorning...I love it...and yet still it's winter and perhaps I shouldn't
the branches are baren...not at all attractive to the untrained eye...but in them perhaps I see something more than the casual glancer will see...I see the life of the years and years it stood there and I see these organtic lines that call to me and create the greatest type of art possible...art of nature
I'm not a simple person...so perhaps this is why I've taken to this very simple joy...the joy of this tree...I've always loved trees in art...and saturday I drew the tree...my self portrait for govenor's school was myself incripted into the tree that stood around the pathway from the residentail hall...maybe I was a tree in a former life...who knows...all I know is that this tree really attracts me...and every morning it makes me feel just a little better
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 11:11 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
Unknown...Tuesday, January 13, 2004
This doubt is screaming in my face in this familiar place,
Sheltered and concealed
having quite a horrible week of it...yes I am...at least tomorrow is a late day...I can get up early and make myself breakfast then finish studying for biology. good.
And if this night won't let me rest
Don't let me second guess what i know to be real
Put away all i know for tonight
why is everything so difficult for me? why do I have to have horrible things happen and then I cry and break apart then struggle horribly to make it all better...I really am beginning to believe in karma...after my good weekend I've had a really horrible week and it just isn't working for me...I want to be held :sigh:
And maybe i just might learn to let it go
Take my security from me and maybe finally i won't have to know everything
and I'm just trying to find my way.
really that's it...I dont know why everything always happens to me...but I really can't say it like that because good things happen too it's just most of them are too precious to me to share with the world...because when I hold onto something it becomes like a perfect memory of happiness and if I can recall it all myself that makes it even better...that's partly why I don't post things that are good if you've been wondering :sigh: I'm selfish and want to keep them to myself
I am falling into grace to the unknown to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared it's the unknown,
The don't-know that keeps me hanging on to you
I really should mention at least part of this weekend...because it's really funny and almost my saving grace...well...this weekend was pretty equally neato throughout all the days...but this is just too good to keep to myself I guess :
lori : me and melanie rock so hardcore. melanie, i am going to turn lesbian and drink milk and grow a penis so that we can have hot sex, but without the girly sex noises that boys should NOT make while they are orgasming... "JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, I AM HOTTER AND SHE IS GOING TO SCREW ME FIRST!!!" i love my melanie!!!
I got nothing left to defend
I cannot pretend that everything makes sense
But does it really matter now if i do not know how to figure this thing out
I am against myself again trying to fit these pieces in walking on a cloud of dust to get to you
will you believe in me?
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 07:41 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
I can steal things from other people too X'D...Monday, January 12, 2004
LAYER TWO:
-- your heritage: European, though everyone tells me I look japanese/asian (W4sian...rock!)
-- the shoes you wore today: brown ae shoes.
-- your perfect pizza: eh...pinapple pizza prolly.
-- goal you'd like to achieve: that's for me to know and you to find out!
LAYER THREE:
-- your most overused phrase on AIM: right now...rock? maybe...who knows...hehe...oh yeah! () and X'D
-- your thoughts first waking up: "school...fuck" or "weekend...rawr"
-- your bedtime: I have no bedtime yo! I'm a big girl
LAYER FOUR:
-- pepsi or coke: cocacola
-- single or group dates: single...most definately
-- adidas or nike: I'm not a big sneaker fan
-- lipton ice tea or nestea: GREEN TEA! ROCK!
-- chocolate or vanilla: "Here have some chocolate!" (makes everything better)
LAYER FIVE:
-- do you think you've been in love: of course, but looking back it never seems the same.
-- want to get married: yep yep!
-- believe in yourself: hehe...not really...but sometimes I have bursts of optimisim (then you better watch out yo!)
-- like thunderstorms: very much so..."and I wish it were raining..."
LAYER SIX:
in the past month...
-- drank alcohol: prolly...yeah
-- smoked: nope
-- done a drug: ...codiene pills count don't they? damnit...yeah X'D
-- had sex: no
-- gone to the mall?: course!
-- eaten an entire box of oreos: I wish...that would make melanie rather plump though () not something she desires
-- eaten sushi: surely you jest! I had some yesterday ()
-- been on stage: uh...no not that I remember
-- gone skating: no
-- made homemade cookies: yeah...but cookies and I don't get along all that well ()(Choco volcanoes of DOOM...ask me about it sometime...I've got some artwork and some pictures...heh.)
-- gone skinnydipping: no sir.
LAYER SEVEN:
ever...
-- been caught "doing something": no...not yet ()
-- been called a tease: tease? ...not that I can remember
-- shoplifted: No
-- changed who you were to fit in: don't we all?
LAYER EIGHT:
-- age you hope to be married: uh...who knows () would be nice just to get a boyfriend that doesn't dump me for someone else or lose intrest...can't shoot past that quite yet so no idea what age
-- numbers and names of children: I haven't even had sex yet...why should I name children or number them?
-- how do you want to die: "who wants to live forever? who dares to love forever?" prolly old and happy and healthy
-- what country would you most like to visit: JAPAN!
LAYER TEN:
-- # of CDs that I own: who knows...something around 60ish...or 50ish
-- # of piercings: one...two!
-- # of tattoos: none
-- # of scars on my body: quite a few...from bike rides and sibling-inflicted injuries...stuff like that
-- # of things in my past that I regret: ...regret nothing for everything that I've done has somehow moved me toward this point in my life and is gradually moving me toward the end goal of melanie-ness...and I like who I am...so why regret something that made me me?
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 10:26 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
morningstar...Friday, January 9, 2004
And I don't want to, die to-night will you believe in me And I don't, want to fall into the light
comforting.
attention my friends...it seems that the world is upset. Everyone around me seems to be having problems, myself included (though most of them are the result of my failure to comfort others) resulting in the need for comfort. Yet when I try to care the world tries to bite my head off! I've tried to comfort different people twice in the last week...and it didn't quite work the way I wanted it to. one person no longer speaks to me...while the other was just mildly comforted. great. this really condones comforting...how am I suposed to make you feel better? What do you want from me? if my petty attempts can't make you feel better I really feel that I should just let you slip into your own depressing as hell subconcious and tear yourself apart. you deserve it. don't come crying to me...and please don't consider me offended even though I am...because that would impeed upon your small life that I have no part in apparently, regardless to what experiences we've had! bah. I hate people sometimes.
namedropping
this one is only slightly depressing...apparently one of my friends faired better than my pathetic attempts to comfort people over the holiday...and she now has a boyfriend...and so she is like blah blah blah "my boyfriend" or "my boyfriend says such and such..." "my boyfriend goes for clemson...mom says that I shouldn't date clemson people" "blah blah blah BOYFRIEND that belongs to ME!" okay darling, good for you...you have a boyfriend...I understand...I don't fucking want to hear about it...my failure as a friend and a person has left me without the will to listen to your petty relationship issues and flukes! please stop talking about your boyfriend...I'm not interested...until I have a boy of my own I really don't want to hear anything about it at all...THANKS!
analyze the morn
so I get up every morning at 5:40 or 8:10...hit the snooze button twice, get up...strip, take a shower, clothe, blowdry my hair upsidedown while hanging over the side of my bed...then get dressed in school clothes...I do this every day of my life...and amazingly I think hanging over the edge of the bed evokes weird though patterns...because I think about the weirdest things in the morning...and normally either end up feeling better or depressing myself by thinking about the whole aformentioned comfort issue, and or my grades...I'm not sure how I manage to make myself feel better...because at this small point on the graph of my dynamic life I'm down near the zero line (noticde I am not there...hope is not lost as goodall likes to point out) but I'm pretty close....so who knows...issues with me are up...and happiness is having problems...but whatever...I'll live.
"i-town"
all of my friends that have dispersed from the lovely city of irmo seem to like to rub it in...what do you want me to change my mind? I use to be content with this stupid city...but now you're like "here you can't hang out with me...here you can't do this...charelston is a thousand times better...or clemson is a thousand times better..." or insert any random name of a town where YOU live...because it sure as hell is better than here...again...what do you want from me? I use to be a completely content person with this small simple town...and now I can't be happy unless I have something exciting to do...or somewhere to go that is not in town! what is wrong...who knows.
is your conclusion a part of discourse?
so anyway...you're probably sitting here scanning this thinking "what does she want from ME?" yeah so I'm complaining...it's my job...this is my journal for crying out loud...I write what I feel...and right now I feel like being comforted--but don't try. I don't want to be a hipocrit and end up not talking to you or being only slightly comforted by your efforts because apparently all that does is depress you and it becomes one gigantic wave of nothingness...oh well. I try. by the way today I'm going out and about with derrick so if you want me I'll have my cell phone...hope that I come back feeling better because I sure as heck hope I do...
morningstar
stars...have always had a connotation to me that is equivailent to hope...and this song really really gets to me...I'm not sure how...but it's a nice thought...I think it describes my mood right now...perhaps that is it...anyway I think you should listen to it...but don't take my advice if you don't want...if you want it im me and I'll send it to you (Kirioshi - aim)
I saw a star beneath the stairs
Glowing through the melting walls
Who will be the first to begin their fall?
Or will we become one?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage, am I your anything?
I saw a star beneath the stairs
Glowing bright before descent
And in the morning, there is nothing left, but what's inside of me
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage, am I your anything?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage, am I your anything?
And I don't want to, die tonight will you believe in me
And I don't, want to fall into the light
Will you wish upon, will you walk upon me?
I don't wanna die tonight
Will you believe in me tonight?
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 10:23 a.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
What I got for Christmas...Friday, January 2, 2004
by melanie
vintage harvard t-shirt (Meisha)
butterfly necklase (Jessica)
chocolart kit and neko-chan kitty (Manda)
10 hamtaro figures and megatokyo blanket (Drew)
lain wall scroll (Sarah bera)
black arden b sweater (Carol and Papa)
fish blanket (Dunbars)
scary jewelry things, harry potter statue, and hat (Grandmother)
anime bookmarks, anime t-shirt, kaoru figure (Lucas's)
hello kitty stickers, hello kitty plushie, hk markers, and guardian angel car thingy (Christy)
legolas frame thingy, pocky, and ramune (Brittany)
Snowman candle (Melissa)
Sayuki-ish art book (K'chan-Coey)
hedwig stuffed animal, cross key chain, ae jacket, ae shirt, ae jeans, ae scarf, hc pants, hc sweater, hc pants, hc tank top, Lotr Rotk ps2 game, FFX2 ps2 game, The Hobbit pc game, ipod, The Postal Service CD, The Starting Line CD, Excel Saga DVDs 4-6, Sayuki DVDs 4, 6, 7, Love Hina DVD 2, Please Teacher DVD 2, His and Her Circumstances, Black Delias Jacket, Pressed Fairy Calendar, butterfly bookmark, pearl necklase, mechancial pencils, chico's necklase, grow a santa gift card, glow in the dark DNA tangle twisty thingy, lip lemony lemon tongue tape, royal hook-it lock, kalideascope, gogo bracelet, two pairs of toe socks, silver cross necklase, swarovski mother of pearl necklase, hello kitty beauty set ^_^;, black and copper dress to wear to graduation, shatterglass the circle opens the book, aragorn figure and trickster's choice the book (All Mom and Dad)
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 09:09 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
chipmunks go...moo...Tuesday, December 30, 2003
joyous day...I have morphed into a chipmunk overnight...:sigh: oh well...at least my teethies look prettyish ^_^
damnit...I need to go to an art museam...or however the hell you spell that...this week...for my honors credit for art...rawr.
and I've gotta draw something like twenty five sketches...better get to work on those grawr.
oh yes...and the long awaited appearance of melanie's new smile :
with chipmunk cheeks ;_; oh well...im me if you can tell a difference...comfort me in my time of pain ^_^; love, me.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 08:36 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
ehhh...that was an interesting experience that I am glad to say I shall not have to experience again! haha!
let us see...the whole thing consisted of me listening to my ipod, specifically the postal service...in one ear...and listening to the stupid conversations they were having in the other ear seeing as that woman knocked out my ear bud. (grr) anyway...their conversations consisted of talk of mp3 players...and the colby banks scandalish thingy...so whatso ever.
let's see...that's about all I have to talk about...and it's about time for a new picture...seeing as I have not taken one of my newly improved teeth yet...I shall post a pretty picture of me cooking rice instead ^_^;
hai. je t'adore! je suis parle avec tu mardi!
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 08:55 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
C'Étais L'Hiver...Friday, December 26, 2003
C'Étais L'Hiver
Elle disait "j'ai déjà trop marché
Mon coeur est déjà trop lourd de secrets
Trop lourd de peines"
She used to say "I have too much already
My heart is much too full of secrets
Too many heavy sorrows"
Elle disait "Je ne continue plus
Ce qui m'attends je l'ai déjà vécu
C'est plus la peine"
She used to say "I won't continue on
What will await me, I have already lived it
It is just more sorrow"
Elle disait que vivre était cruel
Elle ne croyait plus au soleil
Ni aux silences des églises
Même mes sourires lui faisaient peur
C'était l'hiver dans le fond de son coeur
She used to say that life was to cruel to live
She no longer believed in the sun
Nor in the silence of churches
Even my smiles frightened her
It was winter in the bottom of her heart.
Le vent n'a jamais été plus froid
La pluie plus violente que ce soir là
Le soir de ses vingts ans
Le soir où elle a éteint le feu
Derrière la facade de ses yeux
Dans un éclair blanc
The wind was never colder
Rain more violent than this evening
The evening of her twenty years
This evening when the fire was extinguished
Behind the facade of her eyes
In a white flash.
Elle a sûrement rejoint le ciel
Elle brille à côté du soleil
Comme les nouvelles églises
Même si depuis ce soir là je pleure
C'est qu'il fait froid dans le fond de mon coeur
She surely joined the sky
She is still shining with the sun
Like the new churches
Even if that evening there I cried
It is cold in the bottom of my heart.
Elle a sûrement rejoint le ciel
Elle brille à côté du soleil
Comme les nouvelles églises
Même si depuis ce soir là je pleure
C'est qu'il fait froid dans le fond de mon coeur
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 11:24 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
LORD OF THE RINGS...Thursday, December 18, 2003
the theatre was packed...crowds murmured under their breath in anticipation...those who read the book clenched their ticket stubs in hand and clung to the edges of their seats, eyes glued to the screen...
after the insipid previews flung through their last second and the Return of the King in LotR font peeled across the screen the theatre held their breath...
no one could be ready for the myraid of images that danced across the screen...this beautiful interpretation of the literary genius of Tolkin was an amazing display of cinematics...nothing could be as elegant and percise as this film...and I can honestly say I loved every second, even though legolas only had about seven lines : P
I won't tell you exactly what happened, and what was changed or cut throughout the movie but I'd just like to say it was the most exciting thing I've seen in quite some time.
anyway...blackmail time ^______^ (hehe...no one was harmed in the dancing of the computer dance : P)
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 06:00 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
winter coat....Thursday, December 11, 2003
I did it. 'twas quite a feat but I did it...then after my complete and total high of the weekend I crashed (literally) on tuesday...but now on a thursday after completeing my two tests for the week and contemplating my accomplishments I'm back on top.
so here for the bloggage of my week is a little randomness...words jumbles and what not that may mean nothing to you but everything to me...I think the serious alone time this weekend (14 hours) left me with a lot of inside jokes with myself () sorta scary...but true...anyway here it goes
huge as hell. bad influence? O fish bone maxima. yellow jeep! recycled air. SOLD! R vincent van gogh. winter coat. colorful. dandilions. hello kitty...seven eleven. hey-yeah. hate every beautiful day. L kiss you on the...postal service. read or die. showerrrrrr... A lain. 1 in the morning. shower. 4 in the morning. sketch book doodle back. CRUISE CONTROL! road signs. N booorrreeeeinnnngg. Not! borrreeeeeeinnnggg...done. pink and black. black and blue. blue and purple. D shirts, drive, change. touch. nose head shoulder ouch! O. ohhhh...29 and 32 and me and you and 169, 26, then 95 then 4 four. quatre. QUATRE. bah bah bah. running out of time. stay with me. hair. most defineately. filtered water, bagel!!!!!! hi-way-10 o_O; home. you. need. want. miss. bye. run. become. silhouettes. warm. ear. camera. click. lean. hold. don't cry. eye. miss? you
we'll become...silhouettes while our bodies finally go...
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 10:05 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
veg·e·tar·i·an ( P ) Pronunciation Key (vj-târ-n)
n.
One who practices vegetarianism.
A herbivore.
well what the heck, I figure I'll give it a go and if I can manage who's to say I won't come out a better person? and who's today it wasn't worth the effort? :shrug: I do refuse to give up fish...would not be able to live without fish ie shrimp, tuna...etc...sushi mainly...but anyway...yes I will try it and see how it goes...should be interesting...and that's what's mainly on the agenda...it's been...three days...I figure I'm doing pretty well ^_^;
other than that I had a pretty drab break...my plans fell apart yet again only to be pushed to this weekend...if I don't manage to carry it out this weekend I will commit seppeku or something extravigant like that because I will be frustrated to NO END!
I've got the laptop right beside my computer and yet I don't have a screename that is like melanielpt because I can't seem to get it hooked up to the network...so I've decided that parents are going to buy me a mac laptop complete with ipod and digi camera and printer AND scanner...for my graduation present ^_^;; maybe the ipod for christmas...just because those are SO cool....and drew is going to fix my network..maybe...cuz tony couldn't do it X'D
well...that's about it.
you've got them all convinced, but I know so well, that you can list your friends, but you can't count on them...
it's not the price that's gonna cost you,
it's just the weight that's going to bring you down
down down down down...
careful now, you're so beautiful and you've convinced yourself...no one else is quite as beautiful..
~love me.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 09:10 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
screennames...Thursday, November 13, 2003
a screenname, a journey into a person's personality, or simply another means of identification?
For the most part screennames are just identification...something that you associate with yourself and therefore that is you...but everso often you get screennames like...AzNGuy69...and you begin to wonder if sns are just another thing that can create stereotypes...or if these people are really that stupid?
if you are so insecure that you need to stick some kind of sex-position number into your screenname, the thing you use to talk with peroidically in order to make you feel loved/cool...you've got issues...
then there's the issue of the whole school name...I go to a school called dutch fork...and every freaking other person at my school has some kind of stupid sn dealing with the school name "dfhisweetT4u" "dfcheerchic" or the ever popular "DfShortie543243" or whatever the heck number you wanna stick on there...why isn't just your nickname enough anymore? why do we have to stick sex numbers and school names onto our identification in order to make ourseleves feel "cool" and "in" ?
:shrugs: hell if I know...my screenname is simplistic...straight up just my nickname and that's it...no numbers, though if I had to have a number it'd probably be 361 cuz that's the number the does this cool pattern to form my cell phone number...but that really isn't some kind of number that's going to give me an ego boost and help my self esteeme because it is "dirty" or something...and that is "cool" to do...whatever...whatever...
then we get to sticky capps...sure I know and love some people that use them...but damn me to hell they are FREAKING annoying...PlZ dO NoT uSe ThIs StYle In YoUr ScReEn NaMe! it's stupid and gives people headaches!
personally I think screenames SHOULD be just another way of identifying yourself...but if it turns into a stereotype...who am I to do anything about it? :sigh: I dunno why I wrote this rant...it's just been bothering me for a while...anyway...have a super great weekend people...and hope that I pass my history test tomorrow.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 09:33 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
what can I say?...Saturday, November 8, 2003
today was pretty awesome...it started out with a pretty interesting trip to the USC library...my project is still going to suck, but what the heck? then ended up with an interesting time with tony and jialiu watching anime ^_^ then talking on aim now with all my lovely people ^__^
I think I'll just use this as a quote dump...hehe...
AnimeKirioshi : I mean it doesn't really matter to me...it's just like...an appendage that is removeable or something
good analogy, indeed.
karmachicka15 : hehehehehe thank you melanie :D
np manda'chan...anything for my icecream pal ^_^
no1ishome531 : lol if anybody can talk to any one person and find something to talk about it will be u
no1ishome531 : haha
that's because I am the r0xx0r!
cfioncn: GOOD GOD
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cfioncn: you maniac!
hehe...anything for attention!
DavidViolence: sold!
:grins:
captaindrew85: silly melanie
that is me, most certainly ^_^
okay end quotes an comments...I'm tired...and I think I'mma go to bed ^_^ night night lovely people...I hope you have as good a day as me ^_^
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 11:41 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
walk backwards through time...Sunday, October 26, 2003
love me
give me space so you can drown in this with me
these last five days have made me happy...exactly the way that I've always wanted.
is that selfish? I don't want normal happiness...that I want this light as air feel like nothing can stop me always thinking about something exciting and new happiness? :sigh:
it almost makes me unhappy that my happiness is not simple and naiive...but then my mind begins to wonder and I think back to the exicting things that have happened so quickly in the last few days...and I smile.
it's me and the moon she says, and I've got no trouble with that
define happiness
okay...something that makes me feel like nothing can bring me down...and if something tries to bring me down it doesn't work because I am blissfully unaware and living in my own world among the clouds...^_^
yeah so maybe I'm not that happy yet...but I could be...and that'd be exciting!
what you need...is just me...this is where you should be...here with me...
would you let me?
if you let me...
anyway...I'm off to listen to so co's new cd...north...and as to the world of happiness...heck I'll just let your mind take you where you want to go...breath in and out and you're gonna be alright
and your my...good feeling...I'm kneeling...inside a room, you paint me blue.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 08:40 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
David Violence...Thursday, October 23, 2003
is my hero
if you don't know why then I don't want you to know :P
this week has been rather productive...getting the grades in...all the Bs are up in the 90s now so that's not too terribly bad...
on the music front...I like the tool song undertow along with the a perfect circle song weak and powerless...
:yawn: I went to sleep really late yesterday so I figure I'll go to sleep only slightly late today ^_^; so that's pretty much all I've got to tell you
love me.
but not if I am scared of you :P
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 10:41 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
friends...Saturday, October 4, 2003
and there you go, with a smile that'd send any man to his knees
How do you keep a friend? I've had friends ever since I can remember...but ever since I can remember we've gradually grown apart...or they've moved away...or changed classes...and all of the sudden we're no longer friends...what makes that happen? why can't I bring everyone around with me and never let go...why can't I keep every last person and watch them grow up and always learn things from them as they learn from me?
and I feel I've begun now that we're one now
Rhonda, Amy, Kristen...everyone that moves away and doesn't come back eventually slowly draws away from being my friend...I don't want that to happen...I don't want to wake up one day and realize that some of my favorite people in the world are no where to be found and probably don't even remember me...
I graciously add you to my heart.
I knew this would eventually happen...probably somewhere in the back of my brain...everyone is going away to college...and getting new friends...and then they will go...maybe come back one summer...maybe stay one summer...and before you know it you're going to college somewhere else...and you won't see them at all anymore. What happens then? sure you've got new friends...but what happened to everyone that once touched your life? Is it not important that you keep friends anymore?...
it must not be, not in this changing society where you constantly remove yourself from your comfort zone and end up in a new location...and then by the time you are an adult you've lost every last friend...and who is to say that you will be able to gain any more once you've subjected yourself to a life full of constant work...nothing to look forward to...
but then again they say your childhood is the best part of life...but how can it be? when all you do is lose and gain friends again only to lose them when you go off into the real world in search of a job...then you get friends at a job...but they get offered better jobs, or get fired and you no longer have those friends...it's a constant circle...who knows who you will trust in five years, because no one you trust now is going to be within a five mile radius of you...and if they are they will hate you for the thing you did back in such and such grade and wont even care weither you are alive or dead!
can you tell I am depressed?
I'm slipping inbetween, you and your big dream...
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 11:12 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
define the world...Thursday, October 2, 2003
just pretend that you're in love.
today I listened to the senior guys in my physics class ramble about "hot girls"...then I got to thinking about it myself...I will never be classified as "hot" at least not to myself.
so then I tried to decide what makes a girl hot...is it the extreme amount of eyeliner? in that case I know I will not be capable of this title due to the fact that I dislike eyeliner ()...but it can't be something as petty as that...
as the seniors went on with their conversation I could tell they did not want me to talk to them from several times where I would say something and they didn't say anything back (this very cold temperment was getting to the poor junior...pushing my imagination into the realms of depression)
so I sunk deeper into my analysis of hot girls...and I tried to classfy them...does it really have something to do with personality? I couldn't tell...I can't even tell if my personality is one that someone would like! I don't know what to do with myself sometimes...:sigh: maybe I am just in a rut?
would you want me if I was a failure.
quite a while ago I was talking to amanda and I decided that this year has not been "good" yet...I've gotten upset more times than I've been truely happy...but all of this gets into the defintion of happiness...and weither or not I'm being selfish in what I desire to make myself happy...but we won't get into that...
today's conclusion really is...do not listen to stuck up senior boys in your physics class's conversations...they will make you depressed.
/end rant
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 08:38 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
Arr...avast ye mateys!...Friday, September 19, 2003
yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me
welcome once again to melanie's wide world of blogg-dom..ness...yeaaah
this weekend is gonna suck, wanna know why? the govies abandoned me...yep....flat out left me cold...but you know what else? I do not care...why? because I'm a pirate! YAR!
so maybe I am not a pirate, but I am still trying to make myslef oblivious to the fact that my old govie school friends no longer love me and are now going to have a rather large get together thing and I am not invited.
hoo-rah
tomorrow though, I'm out to save the world one peice of trash at a time at the river sweep...and then I'm gonna go to the stupid butt USC football game (yuck) sunday should be rather upsetting as well...but maybe I will not have to go to youth group and then can do something fun instead (note to self...finish all homework saturday...yeah)
pretty much this entry is just a complaining whining melanie entry...cuz I have a feeling this weekend is going to go like all other weekends--start out great, and end all crappy-like -_- ugh.
yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 09:56 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
The Juliana Theory...Saturday, September 13, 2003
7:55...we pulled into the parking lot of uncle doctors and the line formed like a big horse shoe across the parking lot. gosh I was so scared I'd be stuck in the back...or in a mosh...or somewhere that'd be very scary and not comfortable at all...
can you hear me now, listen
I hopped up to the front of the stage where derek'san and cat were and sorta stood there for a while uncomfortably () I knew I was going to have to stand there the whole time if I wanted to see a glimpse of juliana theory...so I figured I might as well get used to it. Unsung Zeros was relatively good methinks...ultament opinion...they were not Juliana Theory.
you let us know that we are...nothing without you...
Next up was celebrity...in short...they sucked...cat and I decided that the bass player was a child molester and don't try to tell us any differently. this was the very boring part of the show where you only sorta move around with your head...and you sorta stare at your watch and pray that it will be over soon. sometime around this point grace and her friend came up to the front for a while and that was cool...
after celbrity was done...we clapped the loudest. thank god for being finished you stupid stupid band :P now all we had to do was wait for juliana theory to start...gosh what a longgggg wait...to songs by johnny cash...with loud clapping in the background
if i told you this was killing me, would you, would you stop?
boom! it was like that...all of the sudden they were there...singing my favorite song...prolly the first song I fell in love with by them...gosh it was awesome..."keep on talking, just keep on revving...you got your mouth burned"
I think out of my *large* (coughack) concert going experience...this one HAD to be the absolute best...better than everyone I saw at warped tour, better than lost prophets, better than bleak, or apex theory...juliana theory just ROCKS live...
why don't you...why don't you say that to my face?
to make it even more exciting...after the last song...I caught the lead singer, Brett's, guitar pick! it is now firmly attached to a necklase that I made today in my random wanderings around town...but back to the concert.
you gave it all away before you could lose it
afterwards my little group of front-people had to leave...and I was left with the people that took me there (without them I would be a very unhappy melanie right now!) anyway...I'd been eyeing Brett's jelly bracelets the whole show...
you see I figured...if I traded him one of mine...he'd let me have one...so...with my new found enthusiasm in that I caught the pick from the last song...I gathered some curage up and went up to him and asked him if he'd trade bracelets with me...he said "Sure!"
that is the defintion of awesomecity.
though right now I feel really sick like I'm about to throw up, and I have a biology test on monday...I'm so completely happy cuz I had an awesome time yesterday...and love juliana theory.
on a non-concert related note...I've lost something...hmmm...:thinks: well I'm gonna go put the dishes away ttyl loving readers X'D
be my angel if you can...alright...and you always say goodnight...
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 02:15 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
absent summer...Wednesday, August 27, 2003
wow...this summer was one of my bests, I thought it'd be pretty crummy from the beginning, and actually my first two weeks of govie school sucked majorly.
This summer I learned that sometimes you can't force things to happen, sometimes you just need to let them happen...
it's okay to be angry and never let go
The first two weeks of govie school I was trying too hard...you see I had this stupid wish...(no I will not tell you what my silly wish was -_-) but anyway I had it...and I really wanted it...I felt like that was the only thing that would make me feel better...
answer no to these questions let her go learn a lesson
at the end of the third week I realized that what I wanted was something totally and completely different than what I'd set my sights on in the beginning...my whole outlook changed...everything became a lot easier for me...and I was a whole heck of a lot happier from time to time...
every once and a while I would get spurts of unhappiness, sometimes I think I just can't help it...at the end of the second week I ate icecream out of a tub for dinner...that was interesting...
it's ironic the way things turn out sometimes...somethings that you'd never imagine making you happy can be the exact thing(s) that you needed in order to make your life a heck of a lot more interesting
I made my best friends at govie school the last three weeks, and I'll never forget these people, though they are all over the state, and my roomate is even in georia, but I'll never forget the fun times we had
when you get lonley and no ones around you know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
oh and if you were wondering...yeah I did get my wish ^_^
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 09:47 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
are you happy now?...Tuesday, June 3, 2003
people places things...
when people make mistakes, and they know that they are wrong...and yet they still do the mistake, how in the world can you make it better afterwards when you realize that what you did was really terrible after all?
and I know it's just no use...when all your lies become your truths...and I don't care...yeah yeah yeah
could you look me in the eyes, and tell me that you're happy now?
repentence is a wonderful thing, but how does one go about forgiving yourself? or keeping yourself from getting addicted to the one thing that is keeping you away from your goal of self-purity?
are you happy now?
what makes us as human beings want to start the mistake to begin with? what draws us to the bad, and away from the good? why is it that it is so much easier to be horrible then to be perfect?
come on tell it to my face...are you happy now?
thinking about all of this almost makes me what to try my hardest to go against the flow...but can one person really be perfect? is there any one thing that can keep me from any trespasses? sometimes I think my thoughts are too deep for my own good.
in other news my birthday has come and gone, and I am allowed to go on my anime convention...and as for my blogg...I think I shall be using it for my deep thoughts, now that I have gotten over my rolling emotions stage that was RATHER annoying, I might add.
tell me that you're happy now...
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 09:38 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
who is destined...MELANIE IS...Saturday, May 10, 2003
Orlando Bloom: you like them dead sexy, with an
orgasmic accent and looks. *drool*
Which guy are you destined to have sex with?
brought to you by Quizilla
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 01:56 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
myrtle beach...Saturday, April 12, 2003
wheeee...for all of you who know and care I'm off to myrtle beach for the first half of the week...and I shall be back wednsday afternoon...hopefully at least a shade darker (not redder) than I am now ()
know that I love you all--be good while I'm gone...and don't miss me, if you do
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 08:42 a.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
the day after, yet the day of......Saturday, March 29, 2003
today's the twentynineth of march.
this is the way I see it...this day can pretty much be sumed up in one word--yuck.
I finally realized something this morning...material things don't cheer me up when I feel like this..
I also realized that linkin park is depressing as hell.
...realizations suck.
ugh. another realization -- I have nothing to do all day...yeah...it's gonna suck
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 09:41 a.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
d-day...Friday, March 28, 2003
this is the way I see it :
I woke up late at six twenty...and threw my clothes on, grabbed my phone and my purse and shuffled to the car...the start of a very strange and exciting day.
at the school we hung out for a while waiting for the bus...then the bus came
listened to linkin park and talked to jessica about not hating me on the bus () and then we finally got there after like a million hours...yeah.
took the test...was not too bad...made something in the sixties I think.
found chris, went to a pizza place...it was good...then went back to avoid going on the first bus...yeah...that was a bad idea...should've gone home on the first bus...hell...
oh yeah...and christy told me something that i really fucking didn't want to hear...so then we went to chris's dorm (me meisha hassan and joel o.)
yes...we did not smoke...but we did drink () (not what you're thinking...well maybe ())
...helicoppers!
can't walk down the hall...oh no...oh no!
meisha : "spinning...spinning..."
head...hurts...
...yes...that was scary...no way in hell we're EVER doing that...ever again
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 08:23 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
This is the way I see it....Thursday, March 27, 2003
"and I've got nothing to say, I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face."
you know it is a sad sad day when you get a new layout and your old one has only had two updates on it () :hides:
"I wanna heal, I wanna feel, I wanna find something I wanted all along."
I could marry this cd it's so kickass...() ok maybe not marry it but come pretty darn close...I watched "the art of metoeora" and hell...I'm inspired...I want to be like them...I love them ;_; they are my idles
mmm...tomorrow is gonna be good...I get to take some stupid exam...which'll be interresting...but then I get to do whatever the heck I want...and I plan upon going all around clemson with my pal chris and my friends ^_^ it's gonna kick major ass
yes...well in other news...I'm too lazy to write about what I planed upon writing so I'll write it tomorrow after my overview of the day...right now I gotta go work on some homework!
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 05:15 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
blogg the universe...Monday, February 24, 2003
rawr...I want amy to get online.
manda has declared that I have not blogged in a while--and so I haven't.
I'm assuming that is an urge to actually blogg () which is what I am doing now...today was rather fun...wore skirt to school and got all pretty...only to find out that I am to be the first person to talk NEXT class...RAWR...sence my sarcasm?
yes...and then...tomorrow is going to be punk day--randomly.
this weekend I went to the mall twice () and got too much makeup and clothes for my own good...christy says that I do my eye liner too thickly...which is probably true...but hey you know I try ;_; I've discovered that eyeliner is addicting...I just need to learn how to do it right ()
yes...lets see...what else is there to talk about...er...this weekend I also wrote two papers...and I better get a good grade on both of them or death to the masses :glares:
rawr...christy wants to have a gigantic joint birthday party with me...I think it sounds like a plan...as long as it is after all of the ap exams ()
rawrr..."I wanna find something I wanted all along...somewhere I belong"
do I belong? probably not...but belonging is overrated anyway. if amy chan does not get on soon so I may speak to her I shall be upset ()
random fact : itchyness is an epidemic
biggest annoance of late : lindler's stupid ass program assignment -_-;
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 09:36 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!
bishy blogg!!...Monday, February 17, 2003
ok...I've been having some difficulty trying to make this work ()
anyway...as you can see I just did another past update thing and wasnt' that fun? more archived ness () I'm just afraid I'm not going to fill up the space...seeing as I've been a slacker lately in the blogg department() yes...slacker melanie.
anyway...after I finish snickering...I'm off to go see daredevil...because that's a rather good movie and I really want to see it...k'chan was gonna come but she can't ;_;
oh yes...and by the way the bishy and me in the background was done by k'chan and I love her because of it!! YAY K'chan!!!
I'm rather cold right now due to the fact that it is FREEZING...() can you tell I'm rambling? () yes I know I am...but I really need to fill up space and this is a big text area so I've really gotta work on it -_-;
grr...I wanna take ap chem next year...I really wish I could...I wonder what I need to make to be able to take it next year () gosh I'm afraid...the test is gonna be really hard ;_;
let me save you I wanna save you.
I had fun this weekend...probably will talk about it more later if I get the time...and hurray for good dreams.
Kirioshi's endless ramblings ended 02:53 p.m. BUT SHE WILL RETURN!