Wednesday, September 18, 2002, 07:09 a.m.

Why am i up so early?

Jumping from living a week of night shifts to a week of day-walking puts a toll on the body. Now i'm finding a new and wierd problem. Since i've been back on a day schedule since Saturday, i've found myself really tired in the evenings, barely able to keep myself awake during what would be normally evening prime time hours. I nap in the afternoons and early evenings, go to bed around 10 pm and then wake up at 4 am on the dot. I've done this for the last several nights. Instead of trying to go back to sleep cause i know thats not going to happen, i just stay up and get things done, eat dinner that i didn't eat the night before, check e-mail, try to find if anyone is awake during this odd hour (very few are). Its definitely good 'me' time, but i have enough of that anyway. It wouldn't be so bad except i have to go work at the allergy clinics during the day, purely on a volunteer basis. I planned this ahead of time so i could nab some decent letters of recommendation for my applications. Doing this was as much a pain in the ass as i thought it would be. The only upside is, since i'm doing this purely on my own time and my presence can only be helpful to the staff i'm working with, i can pretty much come in and leave whenever i feel like. Still just showing up to do 30 min worth of work and then taking off is not cool, so i do try to come in when things start and leave when the patient schedule is almost done. I really need to start working on that stupid personal essay as well, something i really hate to do. But we're looking at maybe next week, no later i have to finish it. Its tough to compose stuff in written english the farther out i get from college :(

[]

Sunday, September 15, 2002, 12:18 a.m.

I can't believe it

I just came back from visiting my friend at the hospital today. He was told by the doctors that there is basically no hope for his kidneys to recover, and that they have been slowly losing function over the last several years. How this could have happened without showing any outward signs of illness is still beyond me, and everyone else. It really doesn't make much sense. He's now going to be commited to dialysis until he can find a donor and get a kidney transplant.

This is simply unreal. Most people who land in this tough spot have problems brewing for a long time. Nobody ever deals with something like this completely out of left field. I don't know hows he's keeping himself together. I think the hardest thing was trying to find encourage things to say when i talked to him, his wife and family. We just tossed around the facts, and tried to put the situation in the best light possible. It really doesn't change the fact that the whole thing is really unfair and horrible. I'm not even going to ask 'why is this happening?, but i am angry that its happening at all. Ed

[]

Thursday, September 12, 2002, 05:38 p.m.

Looks like weekend installation will be postponed...

I got a call from a friend of mine from an unfamiliar number today and got a pretty big shock. He said 'Hi its Dale, guess where i am, i just got admitted to the hospital for complete kidney failure' which he says with sort of a laugh. I can see why he'd do that, because this was the last thing i expected to hear from him and comes as a huge shock to me and what must be the biggest shock in his life. Apparently all the doctors that have spoken to him are baffled, as there's nothing in his history or medical past that would come close to explaining why this happened. He feels fine other than some headaches and you wouldn't know you're looking at someone with failed kidneys. I'm trying to think of what could be going on and it makes no sense to me either. I'm going to visit him this weekend when i get off work, i don't know if i really want to talk shop to the physicians there, just keep my friend company, talk about future upcoming car stuff. I think he was putting on a really brave face on the phone and he's taking it a lot harder than he realizes. I know i would.

[]

Monday, September 9, 2002, 07:46 p.m.

Who likes Monday nights?

It's been a little while since my last entry. Maybe my life hasn't been as angsty lately, or maybe i've just been too busy. Actually i don't think either one is correct, but thats alright. With boards out of the way, my only source of stress, my only minor irritation is filling out these damn applications for Allergy training programs. You would figure after going thru this stage a half dozen times it would get easier. Instead i find it more tedious, more annoying and my essay writing skills get a little worse with each passing day. I think i need to hire a professional write to help me out...

Hopefully i can complete and mail out the bulk of my applications by the end of this month, clear my conscience for a little fun and trouble making in Vegas next both. Both janelle and i have our birthdays 3 days apart, which makes it easy for us to remember the other. I'm really excited, especially since i've never been to Sin City before, and it'll be nice to see folks from Cal that i haven't hung out with in a while. I think its really going to be fun.

Having just finished watching the drama GTO, i remember what it was like during my hardcore anime watching days, giving up on sleep, food, bathing, whatever just to watch the next episode. I thought this was such a good show, and for something that was supposed to be a diluted down version of the original manga, instead of being a pale imitation, the show had its own unique tone and tumor and i found i liked it as much as the manga, but in a different way. One of my friends laughed at me when i described the show as being 'inspiration' and 'uplifting' but i honestly did. Its weird to have an old japanese drama which most people would never have heard of, to bring back a little lift in my spirit and restore some faith in myself, and in people in general. Yeah TV is TV and the real world is...well it's not TV, but that reality should stop a person from aspiring towards an ideal. Otherwise we'd all be still crap-flinging primates living in caves instead of having the will to better ourselves and even have some influence on the world around us.

[]

Monday, August 26, 2002, 07:56 p.m.

Coincidences

I saw the movie 'Signs' with Mel Gibson last week and really enjoyed it. Basically it dealt with a man's test of his faith and that nothing (good or bad) that happens in this world is random and is guided by the hand of a higher power. I had my own weird little episode of that today.

I went back to my old med campus in downtown to use the computer facilities and take care of some old business when i decided to drop by the Internal Med office to say hi to one of my favorite secretaries. She always had a big tub of Twizzlers licorice on her desk (red, not that black colored crap) and asked me if i was being properly fed at my new job. I told her 'no' with about 2 licorice sticks in my mouth. I wanted to bug my friend, Roger who happened to be Chief Resident this year (a really ungrateful headache-inducing job) but he was out of the office. Rose, the secretary told me to just hang out figuring he would be back soon, but she mentioned to me that i should check out the old resident lounge. It used to have a lot of old, beat up furniture that was falling apart, but all the couches have been replaced with new ones. Since i had nothing to do, i decided to swing by and peek inside. She was right, and the whole lounge area looked a lot nicer compared to when i left. I noticed a random female resident sleeping on one of the couches, and i thought she looked a little familiar so i glanced at her nametag and saw it was Michelle, someone who used to be a med student when i was still a resident, but was now a long-coat intern herself. She looked pretty wiped out, but i had wanted to give her a ring since i changed jobs and didn't know her new number or mailing address. I woke her up and she was pretty surprised to see me, but we chitchatted for a while and caught up on things. I used to have a thing for her when i first met her, and for a while things were going ok, but i dropped that ball pretty quickly and will admit it was my fault. Since then, i don't think we've become as close, but i still have a certain attraction for her, and while i'm not interested in dating at this point, i am glad to try to include her back in my life. Funny how things happen like this, coincidence? By the way, Roger never came back, so i left a postit message on my desk and told him not to work so hard.

[]

Thursday, August 22, 2002, 11:36 p.m.

All done!

Well they're finally over, and if i'm lucky, i won't have to retake them either. Its odd how each day half of the exam was pretty easy while the 2nd half was killer. It was like raising our hopes and then trying to dash them at the same time. I think everyone came out of that exam with mixed feelings. Oh well, i'm going to tell myself that i passed with flying colors and try not to think about it much for the next 3 months. If i'm lucky, maybe they'll throw out several of the questions that i missed, one can only hope. Oh well, kareoke and other fun stuff planned tommorow, can't wait.

[]

Tuesday, August 20, 2002, 07:36 p.m.

Halfway done

I just finished day #1 of my exams today. I was herded into this giant convention hall room with about 679 other ppl, and it was such a scary sight, i would have take a picture had they let me bring electronic devices of any sort in the room. The rules were: 2 pieces of photo ID, 2 pencils, no bags, no pagers, no phones were allowed in the room at all. If you brought them you would not get them back until the end of the day, about 8 hours later. All in all, the first part of the exam wasn't as bad as i thought, but it still sucked and was still hard. Luckily there weren't as many questions per 3 hour block, but on the other hand, that means the questions i miss are going to count for more in the total. The second 3 hour block of questions was much harder than the first and i found myself getting stumped on a lot of questions, more than i cared for. Oh well, didn't come out of that day on the highest of notes, but at least i know its now doable and won't kill me. Now i just have to worry about passing the darn thing, unfortunately i won't get my score until Thanksgiving. We'll see if i actually have something to be thankful for by then.

[]

Monday, February 18, 2002, 01:15 a.m.

Happy birthday Steve

I'm over at my friend's Steve in Chicago, his birthday is technically on Sunday, but we went had a surprise b-day party held for him, and i think i get the distinct honor for travelling the farthest out to attend this. Plus one of the guys brought back a stack of pirated chinese Hollywood movie DVDs like Men in Black II, Spiderman (or should i say Spioea Man?), Attack of the Clones, and a bunch of others that aren't out on video yet. The subtitles were the funniest and worst use of engrish ever, especially when some subtitled lines say the exact opposite of what they said on the screen. I have too much food in my stomach and getting sleepy.

[]

Tuesday, August 13, 2002, 05:18 p.m.

Thank you

I just received a handwritten card in the mail today from a friend who seems to understand what kinda crappy stress i've been going through lately. I wanted to say thanks, it is the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a while. *hug*

[]

Saturday, August 10, 2002, 01:00 a.m.

I am the annual gift-bearing man

This was the name of the Japanese robotic version of Santa Claus featured in the Simpson. In case one hasn't noticed, it is one of my favorite shows and i watch it often, maybe too often. The 2nd season DVD box set is mucho primo as well. I highly recommend it to any Simpsons afficiando with a DVD player, and if you don't own one, buy one.

I've start this weird trend of 'stockpiling future and potential gifts'. What this means is, as i come across something cool that i think someone would enjoy as a gift, i buy it right then and there, even if that friend's b-day isn't for months, or maybe has passed by completely. I end up holding onto it until time comes and then i don't have to worry about trying to find a gift idea last minute or struggle to remember what i was about to get him or her. Plus its much easier to shop now when i have the spare cash. I've also bought multiple copies of the same hard-to-find, imported DVD, keeping one for myself and figuring at least a couple other ppl would appreciate them as gifts later on. I bought a couple extra special edition keys as well, keeping one for myself and reserving one, that i know at least 3 different people would like. I guess i am going to have a dresser full of random 'to-be-assigned' gift junk, but its kinda nice to say 'so & so's b-day is coming up, i think i'll grab item X and send it to him/her'. I'd be really surprised if my friends got these particular items themselves, cause most of them wouldn't have come across them like i did. Now i just have to remember when everyone's b-days are :p

[]