Monday, April 26, 2004, 10:07 p.m.

Cookin with Rachel Ray

My parents are coming to visit this weekend and i'm in my frantic rush to get my apt cleaned up and ready for their inspection. I know they'll find plenty of things to complain about, but the less excuses i can give them, the better. My fridge also looks like the pathetically empty bachelor fridge that it is, so i've been shopping and cooking all this week to fill it up, and make it look like i'm actually using the kitchen. It's stupid i know, amd then i'll have to clean up the kitchen too. I bought both of Rachel Ray's 30 min meals books and made it a goal to cook every recipie (the ones that are worth making anyway) at least once before i move out of here. I figure this way it will get my cooking juices flowing again since i've been eating out so much this year.

Thank god the winter is over, i've been feeling a lot better about everything and now i'm pretty sure i was hit with a bad case of seasonal affective disorder the last few months. Things don't piss me off at work as much and i'm a lot more positive about things. I think i'll even give dating a go again. I was out with some friends including a korean buddy of mine from work, who was bugging me to go out. For a moment i was almost going to flake out because of foul weather, but i forced myself to leave and had a great time. I also met his 2 younger sisters who were cute as hell and fun to hang out with. The younger one especially caught my eye and not only was she attractive, nice, and fun, but single as well. Of course the catch was she lives in Pittsburgh which is 5 hrs away on the wrong side of the state, but i've driven long distances before. We'll see, i feel a little weird trying to get close to my friend's sister. I'll have to see if he's cool with it.

I'm still trying to recover from my call last night as well. Guess we're getting close to being upper level residents, both tom and i, being first year anesthesia residents, got stuck doing a bunch of upper level surgical cases including a AAA stent graft and two liver transplants. I didn't sleep much last night and caught up this afternoon when i got home. While it sucks to be at the bottom of the ladder, it was nice being a newbie and not having to do all of those cases.

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Tuesday, April 13, 2004, 04:05 p.m.

1 week = 2200 miles

I'm back from vacation and a pretty long roadtrip to the midwest, making stops in indy, chicago and ann arbor. I guess i could call it the 'ed kwon midwest reunion tour' and spent it catching up with some old friends i hadn't seen since i've moved out to philly. Yes, i really did put that many miles on the car and am dangerously close to hittig 30K before my first year of ownership is up, insane? yes. I had a great time seeing everyone altho i had to deal with the easter holiday and Lent on fri, meaning half the folks i wanted to see were tied up doing family/religious stuff over the weekend. Still i managed to gather enough people to kareoke at the old korean joint we always went to, omg i miss it so much. It was a good week capped off by a really long drive home and a stupid cold/flu virus that i picked up somewhere along the way, and didn't realize it until monday morning when i tried to call in sick to work, but had to come in anyway :p

Well i played pathetic sick enough that they gave me a break today and just did consult work, which mostly involved sitting around and playing in front of the computer like i am now. I was talking with a friend over lunch today about my trip, and kind of realized that while it was fun and harmless, that the whole thing was also this expression of my continued feelings of loneliness and isolation i've been feeling out here. I still don't feel like i fit in this east coast/city culture thing and i may never find my niche, which isn't a large problem in itself since i dont plan on staying. But that leads to another thing. I'm starting to lead this life of moving from place to place, not really developing any real ties anywhere. It's exciting yet isolating at the same time and i often wonder what i've accomplished in the few years i've lived somewhere, have i made some sort of mark or impact? I'm not sure. Worst part is i keep fixing on this goal to live out west and eventually settle, find a job, start a family, blah blah. What if reality doesn't meet my expectations and this goal of mine doesn't make me any happier than i am now? Well, i'm just talking crazy now, and i blame most of it on this winter, glad it's almost over :p

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Sunday, April 4, 2004, 01:31 p.m.

Fuck daylight savings!

Fuck Winston Churchill and FDR and the rest of those WWII era crackheads who made up this stupid energy conservation plan. It cost me an hour of precious sleep last night which normally wouldn't matter on a weekend. Yesterday i went down to DC to see the cherry blossom fest and hang out with eileen whom i haven't seen in months. The blossoms were beautiful and i was hanging around the capital bldg area. The whole scene was kind of spoiled by a taiwanese protest going on nearby. I was following all these asian ppl before i realized they were there to protest the recent presidential elections, not look at cherry trees. Long story short, i had a great day and last thing i wanted to do was drive home early, get to bed by midnight and wake at 6am to go back to work. And thanks to the time change, i only got 5 hours of sleep instead of 6. Plus the docs on call yesterday got lucky cause they were on call an hour less. Oh, and i should already be on vacation but i took this call from someone else as a favor. He owes me big time.

Maybe its not too late to move back to Indy, or better yet, another country.

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Sunday, March 28, 2004, 09:15 p.m.

I got in my checking account, whee!!

I really need to stop spending money on mods...no wait i need to SLOW DOWN my spending, yes thats better. Lately i've really been throwing myself into messing with the wrx and hanging out with my subaru club friends. I've been feeling tired, isolated and alone, especially with my friends from work and in the city. Driving seems to give me my only moments of peace and satisfaction these days. I'm glad i have another week of vacation coming up soon and i'll be visiting old friends in Indy and Chicago. I do miss the midwest and i think its time to go back.

Oh, the other day i got to do my first liver transplant case. I know everyone will do their first case but it was cool because its considered an upper level case and i got lucky taking care of the healthiest liver transplant patient ever. Frankly i and everyone else was surprised that someone in that good of shape made it that far ahead on the transplant wait list. Next thing you know i'll be thrown into a cardiac case before my first year is over...yeah right.

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Friday, February 27, 2004, 10:07 p.m.

What to do, where to go

I have a week of vacation coming up in March, not really my choice, and i'm trying to figure out what to do with it. At this rate i don't really have the funds to fly anywhere so i'm considering a road trip, maybe to florida. I can definitely use ideas, at least it would make me feel loved if someone wanted me to visit.

Speaking of love, i've been meeting a lot of girls lately, doing that singles meeting singles thing and it's had a lot of ups and downs and i've realized a few things that i've forgotten. I'm still immature as hell and i really don't like getting involved with other people in medicine because their personalities turn me off. I guess i don't want to be with another work obsessed geek like me, at least not in the same field. I need something interesting to talk about at night. Then just last week i met a girl i thought was terrific. She was cute, laid back, great to talk to, no pressure, then i find out she's a single mom with a 6 year old son. I didn't see that one coming. I really don't know what to do with that and i don't want to write her off completely, but it would be really hard to deal with and i don't know if i could handle it at all.

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Wednesday, February 4, 2004, 08:43 p.m.

Well, this has never happened before...

This weekend i have plans for two separate dates. BLIND dates at that. Something i've never done before. I'm just glad i don't have to make both on the same day. Guess i better cut my hair, its looking kind of shaggy.

On a less amusing note, i already broke my new year's resolution a day after making it. I really really screwed up at work and misread the dose on a drug vial and gave a patient 10 times the insulin she was supposed to get. Normally, if you aren't keeping an eye on someone, that could kill a person, but luckily it was easy to fix, just takes time. My attending wasn't even that made, but just smiled and told me this was something to learn from. Still, i was really embarrassed and upset at myself. We all make mistakes and screw up from time to time, but this made me look like an idiot. I'll get over it, but maybe i shouldn't...

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Sunday, February 1, 2004, 10:49 p.m.

Ok now i remember...

My new year's resolution is: to take the time read the instructions/fine print before rushing into anything. I have a really bad habit of not paying attention to those things before starting.

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Saturday, January 31, 2004, 09:10 p.m.

Wookin pa nub....

If you don't understand the entry title, my only hints are: Eddie Murphy, SNL, Buckwheat sketch...

It's Sat night, i bagged my plans to head up to NY today after having another long, rough night on call. Plus my friend who i was hoping to crash with, has a really tiny apt and is expecting company over. Wait....me passing up the chance to spend a night a crowded apt with two girls...ok i just realized i'm a moron.

I'm sitting at Barnes&Noble and read a David Carradine interview when i came across a really funny quote:

"I think sex without love is empty, but i think love without sex is pretty fucking empty too."

Ok after further thought, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to stay home. There would have been no fantastic threesome and i would have had to sleep on the floor. Besides i'm a gentleman against my better instincts.

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