Monday, July 1, 2002, 07:50 p.m.

Would you like to be my beneficiary?

I met with a human resources manager today during my first day of work orientation, and frankly it was the most interesting part of the day, learning about my health, dental and other benefits. There was one part of the whole financial tour that i found a little odd and surreal when we got to the part about life insurance. It wasn't the fact i was addressing my own mortality and the cold reality that one day, without a warning i could drop/be struck down dead in my tracks and the world goes on...but not without a little financial compensation.

The really bizarre part of it was filling in the name(s) of my beneficiaries. I mean, being single and without children (that i know of anyway), the thought of choosing someone to receive not the money that i have, but my actual projected net worth for a year (somewhere in the 6 digit range) was just odd. What was ever more strange was i assumed i could only declared a spouse or family member a beneficiary, but the resources manager told me i could name *anyone* i damn well pleased. I could write down the name of a high school buddy that i have not spoken to in 2 years, or a random girl that i had met online and just happened to know a address and phone # to go with it.

I mean imagine you're just going about your business and one day you get in the mail 'It is with great regret that we inform you of Mr so-n-so's unfortunate demise, and that you have been named as his sole beneficiary according to his life insurance policy which is worth a net $xxx,xxx.' I wouldn't even know what to think or who to tell.

And not to get too morbid, but for once someone would actually have a real incentive to see me dead (implying that me being dead right now doesn't really benefit anyone). I guess that would keep me on my toes at least. Maybe thats one reason for getting life insurance, being able to quantify your life's worth with a pricetag.

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Sunday, June 30, 2002, 11:37 p.m.

Marriage: should i do it or just screw it?

Anyone who reads this already gets the idea of how much i complain about my parents. I was just talking to a friend who has some damn strict parents herself(very controlling, never lets her out to do anything, has ridiculous curfew hours, no privacy) and i was joking that with the way my mom & dad are, what if i met someone who had parents like hers and ended up gaining them as in-laws? Personally i don't think i can handle it, it would be like being released from prison just to go to another prison, and then to find out i was never really released from the first one to begin with. And on the flipside, if i met someone that special and loved that much that i want her to spend the rest of her life with me (or vice versa, we'll see who dies first), would i really want to subject her to 'the in laws'? Will they mellow out by the time they become grandparents or will they totally terrorize my kids? It makes me nervous thinking about it.

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Sunday, June 30, 2002, 06:01 p.m.

o/` Gonna find me an import model wife o/`

Just got back from another Hot Import Nights show this Saturday and another orgy of noise, cars, lights and girls. I had fun, but i felt like last years show was better and there was something that lacked this time around, or it could be that it was all new to me last year and this show wasn't a bit different. Either way, i got to meet up of steve, juneha and a bunch of other folks, and hanging out with the group made it fun. Plus i looked like some crazy import mag photographer running around like a maniac with my camera, backpack, and tripod in hand. I think i shot as many model photos as car pics, and honestly, most of the cars started to look too similar and run together, so i only snapped the ones that i though really caught my eye and stood out. Got several photos in with the models too, but i stopped being in the pics after deciding i had the most moronic expressions on my face everytime i posed with them. I think i was ruining every photo with my presence in the middle, so i just shot pics of them with the cars. I stayed away from the big name models who actually charged a fee to let you have your picture taken with them. I'm pathetic, but i'm not that pathetic, plus it totally felt like photo-prostitution.

Wandering around the show floor for those 2-3 hours made me think about the whole import car culture. People starting getting into it as an alternative to domestic sports cars, and it soon enough became an expression of self-identity and cultural pride. Ironically this whole quest for individuality led to more homogenization. Some ppl like the speed, some like just the look, some like both. The result of this is seeing 3 dozen Hondas that all the look the same, and a giant auditorium filled with teeny-bopper male AZN spikey haired sonic the hedgehogs and highlighted gurlies with the thongs visibly hiked up to their armpits (almost). As you walk by a typical convo could sound like this:

(azn hedgehog1) Yo, did you see that sick Celica over there?
(azn hedgehog2) Which one?
(hedgehog1) The red one with the slammed bodykit
(hedgehog2) Yeah...which one?
(hedgehog1) The one with that badass carbon fiber hood
(hedgehog2) Um...which one?
...and this can go on for a while.

As for the entry title, yes it was nice to see a lot of the eye candy, but would i actually want to be seriously involved with any of these girls. Frankly i don't see why not. Not that i would ever expect to meet and get to know one, especially at a show, but i think the attraction that a guy would have for a good looking female with a passing interest in the car scene has some weight. Maybe i'm totally shallow and totally fixated on the thong straps peeking out of the impossibly tight pants. Maybe i just want to find a beautiful, sensitive, funny, caring girl who can make me laugh, listen to me cry, defend me when i'm being trash-talked, and just happens to look good leaning over a carhood too *shrug*

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Saturday, June 29, 2002, 01:11 a.m.

A message of love

Weirdest thing happened tonight. I went to catch 'Minority Report' tonight with a friend, and while we were waiting for the movie to start, i turn the ringer off my cel phone and sign onto AIM quickly to see if anyone was on. It was pretty dead so i just shoved my phone in my pocket and enjoyed the movie, which was pretty kickass btw. 2 and a half hours later as we're leaving i check my msgs and find about 5 people who msg'ed me while i was moviewatching. One was some username i've never heard of before named CarlJ187 who left the lovely 'fuk u and your phone' and that was it. The person was long gone by the time i received it, and for a split second i was wondering if it was someone i knew, and then wondering who had a thing against me to leave such a stupid msg. But then i figured someone was really bored and found my SN on a random search. Still i added his name to the list and i'll have a pleasant chat with him next time i see him online. Who knows, maybe we'll end up talking about politics...

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Friday, June 28, 2002, 03:23 p.m.

'And thats the end of that chapter...'

To quote the ep of the Simpsons where a fictional detective named 'Homer Simpson' wrapped up the end of every ep of the show 'Police Cops'

Today marked the last day of my residency. Three years of ups & downs, loss of sleep, surplus of much stress, lack of pay. For everything that i've seen, done, and felt, you think the end would be a little more climactic, but it wasn't really. It didn't end with a proverbial whimper either, whatever that would be. It was actually a pretty quiet day with me strolling into my required continuity clinic, which is a general medicine clinic we go to once a week, every week, for all 3 years of our training. There we saw patients like they were our own, and a lot of them called us 'their doctor', although being called that still made me feel funny. I could have cancelled my last couple clinic sessions, but stupidly not thinking ahead, i ended up having to go on my last day instead of enjoying a 3 day weekend. Surprisingly it was very chill, and i had a very short list of patients to see, a list i have seen so short since i started as an intern. Even one of my co-workers noticed that. After finishing seeing all of 2 patients out of a scheduled 5, i said bye to most everyone, telling them how much fun it was to work with them. Altho i dreaded going to clinic every week, i liked the staff and nurses a lot, they treated me well, and i tried to be good to them.

After that i drove to the main hospital to make my final gesture of departure...turning in my pager. Yeah my pager, or the electronic leash as i fondly liked to call it. It was the reason for having to stay in town many weekends, for getting beeps at odd hours of the night and having to drag myself out of bed to come to work relief at 2 am. Yes, goodbye and good riddance. Of course, i get a new pager for a my job (you ever heard of a doc without one? no neither have i), but to me it was like trading in my old short student lab coat (waist length) for the longer knee length one.

Now the way i've gone on and on in this entry, and frankly, for the last 3 years to all my friends, you'd think i'd be the happiest person alive. Right now i feel strangely relaxed, a little excited, a little nervous, and a little sad. I made a handful of good friends, most of them will be leaving the city taking jobs elsewhere, but i'll miss everyone else too. Its like going to summer camp with everyone around you, then going back home where you're by yourself again. Onto the next stage of life...

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Wednesday, June 26, 2002, 10:02 p.m.

And the superpower of the day is...

Do you ever have one of those days where you wish you had a superpower, just to make something in your life a little easier, a little more convenient? The other day i was talking to my friend about this and one of the things i wished for was the ability to speak and understand any language instantly...only reason was so that i could 0wn in kareoke.

Today i was wishing for the power to speak to animals...so i could tell the neighbor's dog to shut the fuck up and stop barking everytime i entered and exited my apt. It would be nice to sit down and let him know that he doesn't own the whole damn building and should stop acting like he does.

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Wednesday, June 26, 2002, 06:13 p.m.

Ameritech is a bunch of fucking morons

Ameritech is a bunch of fucking morons. If you didn't catch that in the title, i'll reiterate it here. Basically i place an order for DSL for my new apt about 3 weeks ago. When i changed my phone # for the new place, one of the first things that came up was the subject of DSL and how it was available for my new #, so i decided to sign on. I get all the equipment and software and a date of activation. Then out of the blue i get this message today about how there is actually no service available at my number and area. Turns out there are already too many local users. So the order gets cancelled and i have to repackage and return all the equipment *after* i have it all installed and ready to go. It makes me wonder who is the genuis who waited 2 days before my service was supposed to be activated to tell me *oops*. Just for that i shouldn't have to return any of the hardware including the ethernet card, for their goof i think its a small price to pay. I'm irritated but also a little worried that this is going to portent the arrival of more stupid shit and incidents, as bad things tend to happen to me in clusters. *crosses fingers*

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Wednesday, June 26, 2002, 12:43 a.m.

o/` who wears short shorts o/`

This is kind of a late entry, but with the weather being so god-awful hot and humid lately, i found myself wishing i was female so i could show up to work wearing a skirt. Shorts are out of the question since they're considered 'un-professional' attire. Damn to hell the forced wearing of pants.

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Monday, June 24, 2002, 08:10 p.m.

Pre-job jitters

I just got back from dinner with a friend who is working at the same hospital, and doing the same job that i'll be starting exactly a week from now. He graduated from the same residency program and i knew that i could trust what he said having worked with him before. I have to admit that i feel a lot better about things after talking things over about the new gig, because for the last couple weeks, it has sunk into my tiny little head that i'll be one step closer to heading out into the big bad world on my own. I don't think i've had to experience true 'graduation anxiety' yet in my life. Looking back to fetushood, i've always been in school at one stage of my life or another, always following some plan, always having my hand held, and always having a next step to go to. Sure once it got into the college stage (i still can't believe that freshman year was over 11 years ago)it became sort of a struggle to achieve the next step, but once i got in, it was all the same hand-holding, 'ppl-looking-over-my-shoulder' type of thing. I don't think thats the case anymore and for once in my life, i felt scared, nervous and uncertain. I still feel that way now, but not as much, and with a little more confidence that i can face what is going to be thrown at me at a new workplace, new colleagues, new headaches, as well as new joys. This will only be a temporary thing, but for once, i think my future is a little unclear, my parents have had no say in this step and maybe thats why they're a little resentful too, because they don't feel like they're in control anymore. Well, they're going to have to get used to that feeling more and more. I'd like to say that i'm the fiercely independent type who wants nothing more than to be the captain of his own ship, but honestly, i do like the security and take one cautious step at a time.

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Monday, June 24, 2002, 05:16 p.m.

Sliding Doors

Ok, this doesn't have exactly to do with sliding doors, but i started thinking about something that irritates me on a daily basis, for the first time. Whenever you walk into any office/school/profession building that has double doors, and by that i mean 2 doors sitting side by side and both can open at once creating a passage that is 2 doors wide, and hence twice the number of people can walk through at the same time without crowding each other...why is it that ppl act like there is only one door, open just one and single file like idiots instead of opening both. Also when someone is entering the building and someone is leaving at the same time, same thing, one person enters while the other person *waits* and then goes. The weather is really hot and lousy today, and this pissed me off even more when i was waiting behind a group of ppl who had no clue how to use 2 doors at the same time while i was baking in the sun, eager to jump back into A/C bliss.
I really don't understand why ppl can't use some common sense and if they see someone using one door, they just simply use the *other* one to get thru. What, are they worried about being rude or discourteous? I'm pretty sure whoever designed those stupid things intended us to use them this way, otherwise, why not just carve a hobbit hole in the wall that we have to hunch over to cross. We'll i'm back home and showered and feeling better so i'll stop ranting.

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