Tuesday, July 27, 2004
10:21 a.m.
I think the past several weeks of running around like a crazywoman have finally caught up with me. My throat is sore, I have that stuffy-head-flu-like feeling and I am moving really slow. Of course, this means I will need to waylay my exercise plans (I was supposed to go back to Yoga school today) and sit on my ass for the rest of the week in order to avoid getting really sick. Ah well, I suppose a few more days of inactivity won't kill me, although I am anxious to get back into my routine and pummel myself into shape for the wedding.
I am not normally one to bore my miniscule readership with reviews of girlie beauty products, but I feel obligated to sing the praises of Lush bath bombs today. I took a long, luxurious, Sakura-flavored bath last night... 12 hours later and I'm still feeling relaxed. Highly recommended for all you high-strung bath-loving women out there.
Monday, July 26, 2004
10:16 a.m.
We had a good time last night at World Electronica Night. I was quite impressed by Nitin Sawhney. I am really dragging ass today, however. After work tonight, I am going to take a long walk to clear my head... and then camp out in a bubble bath for the duration. Only 6 more hours to go...
Sunday, July 25, 2004
09:18 a.m.
I spent the past 3.5 days running all over LA with my mother, and I'm beat. It was great to see her - we had fun taking care of wedding-related business, sightseeing and eating too much together (dinner at Yamashiro last night was amazing) - but I am long overdue for some alone time. I need a day off... to take a yoga class, read a book, lie in the sun, sleep. I have so much going on right now that I can barely think straight.
Tonight, T and I are going to the Hollywood Bowl for World Electronica Night. We've had the tickets for a long time, and I've been looking forward to the show, but I honestly don't know if I'll be able to stay awake for the whole thing. Maybe coffee is the answer?
Sunday, July 18, 2004
12:23 p.m.
Another insanely busy weekend with hardly any time to myself.
I spent Friday making wedding-related phone calls and running errands in preparation for my mother's arrival this Wednesday. I also cooked a delicious, fattening dinner for T from scratch - risotto and portobello mushroom bake - which took a few hours. After we ate, I went over to Heather's place for drinks (haven't seen her since she came to visit me in the hospital) and chat. Didn't get home until 1:30 AM, which is late for me.
Yesterday, T and I spent the entire day setting up wedding registries at 3 different stores and figuring out what gifts to ask for. The whole registry thing makes both of us feel uncharacteristically acquisitional and uncomfortable. I understand why it's best to register - people will want to give us gifts, and we'd rather not go through the hassle of returning things that we don't need or can't use - especially at a time when we're attempting to downsize in preparation for our cross-country move. Still, we are completely repelled by the "wedding business," which trivializes what is supposed to be a simple, beautiful, symbolic event and deceives ignorant people into believing that they need stodgy, unimportant crap like table linens and china and Waterford crystal candlesticks. We could care less about stuff like that. My mother sent me an e-mail this morning, questioning our decision to register for a five-dollar apple corer and wanting to know if we plan to ask for anything a bit more expensive. Well yes, we do... but somehow I don't think the Coleman camping stove we tagged at Target is what she has in mind. Or the lifetime's supply of Friskies canned cat food I am seriously hankering for (unfortunately, even Target has its limits).
This afternoon after work (only 3.25 more hours to go!), T and I are going to see a special screening of The Hunting of the President in Highland Park. It's a fundraiser for the Northeast LA Democratic Club. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm afraid I might nod off in the middle. I'm exhausted.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
08:01 a.m.
As much as I don't want to get bogged down by pessimistic bullshit, I can't help but notice what a negative effect my job has on me. When I was home recovering from the appendectomy for a week, I felt motivated to learn new things, optimistic about the future, happy... despite the fact that I was dealing with the painful after-effects of having my stomach cut open. After just two (healthy) weeks back at work, I am feeling sluggish, unmotivated and depressed. I feel like every moment spent within the confines of my office building is a wasted moment. Life is short, and I want to do something more meaningful with mine.
There are good things about my job: I get to listen to music all day long. I work with some pretty cool people. Anything goes in terms of clothing. I can make my own hours. And I just found out today that I will get to switch to a normal, Monday-Friday schedule in two weeks (I've been working a Sunday-Thursday shift for the past year). But these things are not enough. It's gotten to the point where I dread going to sleep at night because when I wake up, it'll be time to go back to the office... what a pathetic way to live! I need to buck up and do my best until I give my notice in November... but believe me, I will be acutely aware of each and every work-filled minute that passes between now and then.
Monday, July 12, 2004
02:59 p.m.
If George W. Bush manages to get away with this, I may very well lose all hope for this country.
Tuesday, July 6, 2004
09:44 p.m.
I had big plans for tonight. I was hoping to take a walk through the neighborhood. I was going to dive into the geeky HTML/CSS how-to books that I bought at Barnes and Noble this afternoon. And I was thinking about dusting off the guitar and strumming a few tunes, too. But alas - I was so tired from SITTING ON MY FUCKING ASS AT WORK ALL DAY that I barely managed to cook dinner... after which I collapsed on the living room couch with the latest issue of MOJO. Two hours later, and I'm still there.
The hardest part of this recuperation business is definitely the sitting-still part. Seconded only by the every-little-thing-wipes-me-out part. I can't wait until I'm back to my normal, energetic self.
Saturday, July 3, 2004
09:32 p.m.
So I've had a ton of spare time on my hands this past week, and I've been doing a bunch of thinking. Here are some of my thoughts (in no particular order):
(1) I am exceedingly fortunate. I have a steady job that pays well. I have a decent relationship with my family. I will soon be married to a wonderful man. I am healthy. I am free to do as I please. I do not lack for anything.
(2) Although it pays well, my job does not satisfy me. I am sure of this now more than ever before. This past week hasn't been all fun and games for me - parts of it have been quite sucky, in fact - but I have also felt SO FREE the whole time, like a huge weight has been lifted from me. And that free feeling has everything to do with being away from Overture. I've spent nearly 4 years there, and it is absolutely time for me to move on. I have made good friends at work, and I will miss those people when I relocate to NY. But I am now 100% confident that my decision to quit in November is the right decision. And I look forward to whatever comes next.
(3) I have been speaking on the telephone with my friend Burr quite a bit recently... he's a busy musician in NY, and our relationship has suffered since I've moved to CA (conflicting schedules, time difference, etc.). I have missed him, and it's good to have him back in my life again... even if it's just via telephone for now.
(4) This next thought requires a little backstory:
A few months after I graduated from college (10 years ago), I was diagnosed with gallstones. My doctor encouraged me to have my gallbladder removed via laparoscopic surgery. I thoroughly researched my options and decided that I could lick the problem naturally, on my own. I became a strict vegan, quit drinking alcohol and smoking dope, and basically lived life on the straight and narrow for 2 years. The gallstones disappeared, but I acquired a pretty serious eating disorder as a tradeoff. I've made major strides during the past few years, but my relationship with food will forever be fucked up and I will always need to struggle to keep it in proper perspective...
I find it incredibly ironic that last weekend, I succumbed quickly and easily to the same surgery (different organ) that I went to such great lengths to avoid 10 years ago. Granted, I didn't have much of a choice this time - a ruptured appendix can be fatal. But even so, I can't help but wonder: if I hadn't been so headstrong back in 1994... if I had allowed the doctors to remove my gallbladder... would I have been able to avoid the descent into bullemia hell? Would I have even moved here to CA and met T? Especially with a move back to NY in the works, I feel like my life has come full-circle in a bizarre way. I'm not sure what to make of it.
(5) Ain't no way in hell I'm gonna finish the Bill Clinton autobiography.
(6) Before this whole appendix thing happened, my Bikram Yoga obsession had reached new heights. I was attending class three times a week and had begun making some drastic improvements ability-wise... to the extent where I was actually beginning to consider a possible future as a Bikram Yoga teacher. Albany doesn't have a Bikram studio (I'm pretty upset about that) and I am confident that with all the colleges and universities in the area, there would definitely be a market for it. Plus, it would be my one-way ticket to excellent health and financial freedom. The teacher training course is extremely rigorous, though, and quite expensive besides. And, not just anyone can take it - all candidates are required to get a recommendation from their current teacher. It would have been a struggle for me to get all my ducks in a row and qualify for the course (nevermind pay for it) given the fact that I am moving in 5 months, but I was seriously thinking it over there for a minute. And then BOOM - I have this unexpected appendectomy and I'm told that I can't return to yoga for 6-8 weeks. Six to eight weeks. Another dream bites the dust... at least for now.
However, I remain convinced that I would like to go into business for myself somehow and be my own boss. A few years ago, I wouldn't have had the confidence or self-discipline necessary to handle it... but I really think I could do it now. T and I are going to attempt the slum-lord thing soon after we get settled in Albany, and opening a coffeehouse is still in the 5-year plan as well... but I'm thinking that I might want to do something else on my own, too. Maybe something having to do with Web site coding and/or design. Which would require some schooling first... and I'll need to find an office job in order to subsidize that... but I am really beginning to think that I could pull it off. From whence does this confidence come? I have no idea, but I feel like I should run with it.
Friday, July 2, 2004
09:40 p.m.
Me and my kitty:
Thursday, July 1, 2004
09:01 a.m.
I no longer question my doctor's orders to stay out of work for a full week. Mid-day Tuesday I was thinking, "This recuperation stuff? No sweat! I can't believe I get a whole week off from work for this! Joke's on everyone else!" Now I am eating those words, as I seem to have seriously regressed pain-wise during the past 24 hours. These days, it's less about the gaping hole where my appendix used to be and more about the incisions in my stomach (of which I have become acutely aware - especially the one in my bellybutton... ouch!). The joke is most definitely on me.
But lest anyone think I have been a complete waste of space this week, rest assured that my mind has been very active. Thank god for the iBook. Whilst lounging in bed and revisiting long-neglected areas of my music collection, I have also been teaching myself HTML and CSS programming and using my new skills to build our wedding info Web site. I'm still working on the offline drafts, so there's nothing to share just yet. But perhaps I will post the link here once I'm finished. I am finding that I quite enjoy Web authoring/design - perhaps I can incorporate it into my next career somehow? Hmmmm....
I was speaking with my friend Burr earlier this morning and learned a new word: onomatopoeia: the naming of a thing or action by a vocal imitation of the sound associated with it (as in buzz, hiss, etc.). I actually already knew this word (it would have been pretty hard to escape it as an English major), but I had forgotten about it. Ahhh... mind-expanding, intelligent conversation... there's nothing like it. Aside from my talks with T, I don't get much of it these days.
