Kate

Friday, January 30, 2004 08:39 p.m.

Last night, while drinking beer at McMurphy's with my co-workers, I got into a very interesting conversation about virginity. Specifically: is a penis/dildo a necessary component in the loss of a woman's virginity? Can fully-sexual lesbians who have never been with men be considered de-virginized?

Apparently, a few of my co-workers believe that a woman is a virgin until her vagina is penetrated by a penis or a penis-shaped object. And I've got to admit, I consider that to be a pretty close-minded view. What about women who aren't attracted to men, have never been attracted to men, will never be attracted to men? A conglomerate of other arguments put forth: the term "virgin" originates with the Virgin Mary - a woman - so virginity therefore has nothing to do with men; the Bible has no room for gay people, so the term "virginity" can't have anything to do with gay people; mumble... hymen... mumble. At the time, and still now, I feel a smidgeon uncomfortable about the whole incident. Everyone is (a) entitled to his/her own opinion and (b) entitled to voice that opinion drunkenly on a Thursday night at McMurphy's. But exchanges like this make me feel like there are suddenly more homophobes in my midst than there were before ... or something.

Tomorrow T and I are going to the beach (Venice). I am looking forward to it. I love the smell of the ocean, the breeze, the way the sun reflects off the water, the rollerdancers. T and I always hit the same sidewalk cafe on the boardwalk for lunch and a Bitburger. Before the beach, though, we are volunteering for 3 hours at the KCRW pledge drive. If you are a KCRW listener and are reading this between January 30 and Feb 6, you'd better call and renew your membership! Or join, if you aren't yet a member. Or else I'll kick your ass.

Monday, January 26, 2004 07:19 p.m.

I fucking fell out of bed (literally) this morning while sleepily swiping at the snooze button on my alarm clock. Not the best way to start my day. Once I realized where I was, I crawled back up into my cocoon and continued to snooze for 18 more pathetic minutes. When I finally managed to drag my ass out of bed the proper way, I was so cold I could barely function (unusual). So I called in sick. Went back to bed, slept 3 more hours. Woke up, read a huge chunk of Dude, Where's My Country?. Got dressed, took a yoga class... and am now feeling somewhat better, though still a bit fatigued. From whence comes this lack of energy?

I kind of felt like an asshole calling in today when T had to work a full day yesterday (his day off), wake up at 4 AM this morning to take care of some work stuff from home and then get to the office by 6 AM. It's 7:30 PM and he's still there. My man works hard!

Friday, January 23, 2004 07:31 a.m.

A few random thoughts to kick off the weekend...

Of all the East Coast delicacies that are unavailable to me here on the West Coast, I think I miss this one the most.

The new Stereolab album drops next week. Looking forward to it... I really dig them.

On to another topic: religion in schools. Although I definitely think it's important for children to know a little something about religion, especially about beliefs which may differ from their own, I don't think that school is the place for religious worship of any kind. That said, I also think it's possible to take the debate a little bit too far, which is what they seem to be doing in France right now (in my humble opinion, anyway).

A co-worker brought these to the office yesterday. Stupid fun! I think I might need to get a pair.

Dentist appointment this morning. Ugh.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004 08:11 p.m.

Delicious! Find them in the freezer section at any decent health food store. Trust me, it's worth the trip. And while you're there, get some of this. Also very tasty.

Monday, January 19, 2004 09:06 p.m.

I wish we had a decent bathtub here at the house. I think it's the only thing our place lacks. I love the bath! But no matter how hard I scrub the one we've got, I don't dare sink my ass down into it. It just seems inherently nasty for some reason.

I came across this site today while at work. I must admit I laughed at first, but it really is quite depressing if you think about it. Who the fuck would buy clothes like that? Or even think that they were a reasonably decent idea?

Friday, January 16, 2004 08:52 a.m.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I bring you your weekly dose of Kate's Yoga-obssessed musings: I had two really good (for me) classes this week. I am incredibly sore, but I feel great nevertheless. On Monday, I actually managed to remain balanced during all the standing poses... a first for me! Last night's class was a bit more challenging because Jeff taught it. Jeff is a cocky bastard, who prances around half-naked (so that everyone can admire his rock-hard, Yoga-perfect body), and his teaching style is very balls-to-the-wall and uncompromising. He often makes semi-derogatory comments to students... I think it's his back-assed way of offering encouragement, but it doesn't help me one bit. Up until now, I have tried to avoid his classes because I find myself feeling defensive and thinking negative thoughts just looking at him, never mind listening to his chiding remarks for 90 sweaty, intense minutes. However, I have decided that Jeff represents a different, non-physical type of challenge for me - so I think I am going to begin attending his Thursday class, attempt to completely void my mind of all negative thoughts he conjures up and refocus the energy on myself. I think a big reason why this form of exercise appeals to me so much is because it is equal parts mental and physical. My muscles AND my mind get a serious workout!

T and I are going to see James Brown tonight at the House of Blues on Sunset. Looking forward to it!

Tuesday, January 13, 2004 06:50 p.m.

I finally spoke to my friend Heather today, after several weeks of phone tag. She and Rob (boyfriend) are getting ready to move, so I assumed she had just been busy with everything moving entails. But as it turns out, she was hospitalized for several days with meningitis - of all fucking things - and just returned home today. She is seriously doped up on Vicodin now, sleeping her ass off. Meningitis! People can die from that. I am so glad she is OK!

Sunday, January 11, 2004 03:04 p.m.

A little while ago, I decided to indulge in a Mocha Soy Ice Blended from The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf as a means of keeping myself awake during the last hour of my boring work day. Jesus! I may as well have shot a syringe full of chocolate syrup directly into my vein. That shit's got me buggin'.

Friday, January 9, 2004 05:58 a.m.

What am I doing awake before 6 AM on my day off? Good question! I can't sleep... not sure why, but it really doesn't matter because don't have to answer to anyone except myself today. I wish there was a practical, affordable way for me to go into business for myself right now. I really believe that opening a little record store/coffee joint/performance space is my true calling. Unfortunately, it's just not in the cards for a few more years...

But I digress. Since I am up and about at this early hour and have some free time on my hands, I thought I'd take the opportunity to document some of my personal resolutions for 2004. For some reason, writing them down makes them more real for me. So here they are (in no particular order):

(1) As I mentioned a couple of posts back, I want to practice Bikram Yoga more regularly and more purposefully this year. Even though I find myself dreading class sometimes (mostly because of the oppressive, 100 degree heat), I always feel like a million bucks once it's over. The gain is most definitely worth the pain. Yoga makes me feel more mentally clear and more physically strong, and it helps me to be more in touch with my body - to really be cognizant how it feels to live inside this particular skeleton, underneath this particular skin. It's so easy to lose sight of that... or to never even get there!

(2) 2003 was a year of gluttony for me. In 2004, I plan to healthfully return to a more disciplined, more vegan lifestyle. During my previous experiments with veganism and raw foodism in 1998-2000, I often took things to extremes (subsisting for several months on little more than fresh vegetable juices, avocados and dates, for example) and it ultimately backfired on me - more mentally than physically, as it turned out. This time, I want to be more realistic in terms of how I approach food and eating so that I am able to keep it up longer, with less effort and with happier consequences.

(3) As clearly stated in previous posts, I do not like my job. I have worked for my current employer for over 3 years, and it is definitely time for me to move on. Easier said than done, though - especially when I don't really know where I want to go next. Recently, T and I have had several discussions about making a new life for ourselves - someplace other than Los Angeles, sometime in the not-too-distant future (within the next year or two). Given that, I am not sure I want to start a completely new job in the LA area for what will almost certainly be less money. Even though what I am doing right now is extremely tedious and boring and I feel like I am selling myself short on many levels, I have a great opportunity to bide my time while making a decent wage and enjoying the perks of working for a large, well-known Internet company. I guess what I'm getting at here in terms of a resolution is this: in 2004, I will either quit and pursue something different OR decide to stay put but with a new, more positive attitude - milk the cow for all it's worth, so to speak - until T and I move elsewhere.

(4) I am a perfectionist by nature - a typical Virgo - and I tend to be really hard on myself when it comes to just about everything. I'm a do-it-all-perfectly-or-start-over type of gal, a trait which inevitably leads to frustration and often, poor self-esteem. This year, I would like to work on giving myself more of a break. The following quote, the 77th Koan from the Collection of Stone and Sand, 13th century, sums up this goal best: "Live with cause and leave results to the great law of the universe. Pass each day in peaceful contemplation."

Wednesday, January 7, 2004 09:15 a.m.

Last night, I had the best wine I think I have ever tasted. Reasonably priced and HIGHLY recommended for all you red wine lovers!

I bought a new computer off eBay! A Mac G4. I got a good deal, I'm pretty psyched about it. I have to drive to Long Beach on Friday morning to pick it up from the seller. Hopefully, the deal will go down smoothly.

Tuesday, January 6, 2004 11:10 a.m.

Happy New Year! Life is good. I am back from my brief, action-packed trip to NY and well-rested after a few additional days off over New Year's weekend. I managed to conduct myself in quite a healthy manner while on vacation, resisting the temptation to gorge myself on the usual holiday fare... and I feel really energetic as a result. My mother gave me a badass Canon Powershot G2 camera as a Christmas gift this year, and I am excited to have a high-tech instrument with which to tap into my as-yet-unexplored photographic talent. I am also planning to take an online basic HTML/site design course beginning in a few weeks. Hopefully, in the not-too-distant future, I will have a much flashier site to share with y'all.

Today is the 2nd year anniversary of my first date with T. We plan to celebrate with a nice dinner out on the town tonight after work. Looking forward to it!

I resumed my Bikram Yoga practice last night after nearly 1 month away. It was a hard class. Despite having eaten minimally during the day and drinking several litres of water beforehand, I still had moments of dizziness from the heat. My balance was also way off. One thing this class has taught me is how deformed (no, really!) my body is. I have always walked with my toes pointed slightly outward, like a duck (as opposed to straight ahead, like most people). As a result, my weight is distributed on my legs and feet in an unusual way and I have a really difficult time with the standing Yoga poses that require balance. I am also convinced that this off-kilter weight distribution is the reason why my knees ache sometimes, and why certain girlie shoes really hurt my feet. I'm not sure if the problem can be corrected at this late stage... but if it *is* possible, I firmly believe that Yoga is the answer. One of my resolutions for 2004 is to practice more regularly (as funds allow). I am hoping to be able to afford 2 classes a week after a few more paychecks.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003 10:49 a.m.

I have been thinking about my friend Burr lately. I am bummed out because we used to be really tight and we have more or less fallen out of touch since I moved to CA in 2000. I will send him an e-mail every once in a while and he usually sends a brief, one-liner back, but we haven't had the opportunity to really catch up in a long time. He's a busy musician with a wife and a kid, and we are on separate sides of the country. I only get to hang with him and his family once a year when I am back in NY, sometimes not even that often. I don't think I will get a chance to see them this holiday. The situation makes me sad.

Thursday, December 11, 2003 04:54 p.m.

Coffee consumed, crisis averted. Ah, sweet relief.

Thursday, December 11, 2003 01:28 p.m.

I started my morning by dusting off my juicer and making a delicious concoction from carrots, celery, romaine lettuce, cucumbers and ginger... I drank two, large glasses. It made me feel super-healthy and energized. So energized, in fact, that I skipped the morning coffee ritual completely.

So here I am, 7 hours later, in caffeine withdrawal hell. My head is pounding, and my mood is plummeting quickly. The tiniest little things are really getting on my nerves. I'm afraid I will need to drink a cup of the swill my company passes off as coffee in order to prevent myself from unnecessarily lashing out at my co-workers. How LAME! I hate thinking of myself as an addict. But there's no way around it today.

Tuesday, December 9, 2003 11:04 a.m.

I have become a snoozer - as in alarm clock snoozing - with a capital S, and I don't like it. I never used to snooze until I moved to California, except on those rare occasions when I was too ill or too hungover to go anywhere. Even during my final year with LEA (publishing company), a job I had grown to loathe and despise by that point, I never snoozed. Rather, I bounded out of bed to enthusiastically greet each day, even when I knew the majority of the day was gonna suck.

When I moved to LA and began living with Heather, I started to snooze a little. I think because we lived in really cramped quarters for several months, her snooze habit just sort of rubbed off on me - like osmosis. Once we moved to a bigger house and I had my own room, I decided to place my alarm clock out of reach of the bed, so I would have to get up in order to turn it off and thus avoid the whole snooze thing. It worked 90% of the time.

Over the course of the past year, however, and especially in recent months, I have become the Queen of Snoozeland. It's pathetic. The other night, T busted me sneakily setting my alarm ahead 20 minutes so I would have more snoozing time the next morning. It adversely affects him, because my alarm now goes off before his (as opposed to our old dualing-alarm pattern) and the constant radio noise (accompanied by my sleepy "I don't wanna get up" bitching) prevents him from falling back asleep.

I have determined that the snoozing is, in part, a symptom of my dislike for my current job... it bores me to tears, and it's hard to motivate myself to go to the office. But it's not just my job that I'm avoiding... it's also the big WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE ??? question. I am really at a loss there. When I think about the situation sometimes, I get down on myself for not having a contingency plan or a storehouse of great ideas I can try to turn into realities. I have been coasting at my current job for so long that my creativity has become severely blocked. And rather than examine this unpleasant situation in depth, I snooze.

I hereby pledge to quit lounging around in bed in avoidance of things about my life that I don't like, and use the extra time to get my shit together. Plan effective immediately.

An ironic PS: My horoscope this week at the Free Will Astrology site reads, "I'm asking you, Virgo, to join me in the struggle to gain even more sleepers' rights. What specific action can you take? For starters, spend more time asleep and dreaming in the coming week than you ever have -- and don't let any workaholic, sleep-deprived cranky-head shame you for it. Your productivity will rise; I guarantee it."

Sunday, December 7, 2003 08:02 a.m.

T and I went to see the Los Angeles Philharmonic last night at the Disney Concert Hall. Two pieces were performed, both excellent. The first piece, called from me flows what you call Time, really blew my mind. It was composed by Toru Takemitsu and performed by a Canadian group called Nexus, with the Philharmonic filling in the spaces. Not only was it very original in terms of the sounds (interesting mix of Eastern and Western influences and world percussion... bells, cymbals, chimes and - my favorite - little Japanese bowls strategically placed on top of timpani drums, which made the sound that your finger makes when you run it alongside the rim of a glass, only much deeper), but it was also more visual than your average Philharmonic performance. Each of the five members of Nexus wore a different color shirt, meant to symbolize the five natural phenomena (Earth, Fire, Water, Wind, Sky). Instead of starting off on the stage, they entered from various lobby doors and walked through the audience, ringing bells, until they reached the front of the room. On either side of the stage, there were bunches of long, colored ribbons attached to more bells on the upper balconies, which were integrated into the piece. The whole thing seemed very ritualistic.

The second piece was Pathetique by Tchaikovsky. Another beautiful piece, much more lively than the first. At one point, I caught myself bopping my head along with the music... probably a big symphony etiquette faux-pas. The conductor was very animated and fun to watch. His movements were jerky and spastic, but right in step with the music, too - like he was dancing.

T and I have been to the symphony many times, and last night's performance was my favorite so far. While I enjoy the symphony experience... getting dressed up, going out on the town for a nice meal, etc. with T, classical music has never really been my thing. I am grateful for the opportunity to check out the Philharmonic, but I probably wouldn't go on my own. Last night was different, though. I think a lot of it had to do with the new venue. The Disney Hall is really cool... ultra modern, excellent acoustics, brightly lit, much easier to see what's happening on stage. Our seats last night were stage right orchestra wing, just above the performers. With a spyglass, I could have read their music. A thoroughly enjoyable evening, which we ended with strong Irish coffees at the brasserie next door.

Thursday, December 4, 2003 09:55 a.m.

It's crazy how different my digestive system is from that of most other people I know. There are certain things I simply cannot eat without paying the price for days afterwards. The vegetable burrito I ate for dinner last night being a prime example. Nothing too unhealthy about a vegetable burrito, but it is weighing me down so much! I went into a food coma almost immediately after finishing it at 7 PM yesterday, and I am still suffering... 15 hours later. I could barely drag myself out of bed this morning. Pizza and pasta (any type) does this to me, too. I guess it's carbs. I basically avoided them for years while I experimented with raw-foodism, and I have not been able to successfully reintegrate them into my diet. I suppose it's not that big of a deal... eating natural, unprocessed stuff is much better for me in the long run. Still, I need to learn how to plan better and/or exercise more restraint so I don't end up dragging ass like this on a work day.

Lately, my body has gravitating towards a healthier lifestyle on its own, I haven't really had to try very hard or discipline myself that much. I don't have cravings for sweets or crappy food as much as I did before, I have been drinking MUCH less alcohol (my tolerance is pretty non-existant, in fact), and I haven't smoked pot in nearly a month. I think it may be the Bikram Yoga class I'm taking. It makes me feel so good! It helps me to relax and be more in tune with my body, as corny as that sounds.

Wednesday, December 3, 2003 09:28 a.m.

As you have undoubtedly noticed, I have ignored my blog for months. Lots of shit going down in my life which has been sidetracking me, plus I am currently trying to teach myself some rudimentary HTML and build a site that is much cooler than this Pitas-hosted thing. So for those of you who visit this site, stay tuned.