I'm looking through some old pictures...some old entries on Myspace (lol)...I'm remembering a lot of stuff.

Some of it hurts.

But I guess that's life. I'm glad I can get through it. I do just wonder why people are so openly...mean. Let them. In the end, I guess I should pity them for acting the way that they do. On the other hand, there are certain conflicts that have bene resolved...which is good :) I won't lie. I don't think I can ever forget everything I've been through...nor do I want to...but in the present moment, everything is okay. Okay, everything with this person is okay :P And I'm so glad for it :)

So Jey came over last night! I haven't smiled that much in a longgg time :D He showed up a little bit before 11:00 and left a little after midnight. It was so much fun! And we still need to watch a movie :P I already told him that during winter, we're watching at least one movie in my living room, with a blanket, hot chocolate, and cookies. Or just popcorn, depending on the weather/temperature. I remember watching The Nightmare Before Christmas with him last year. For Halloween :) And...it feels like that happened just last week. Anyway, he came over, we talked about stuff and we cuddled because it was cold :P Then I showed him my mommy's secret stash of snacks under the dinner table in the dining area and he took some chocolate teddy grahams...of course, we ended up playing with food. Kind of like at SOE when I threw Kix at his face! Err...well, he tried to catch them in his mouth. But we bit the heads of the teddy grahams. How sadistic :( It was fun :D

I wish it had rained last night. Well, I do, but I don't. I guess I worry for him when he has to drive in nasty weather. It's still monsoon season :]

Well, I'm looking up cake recipes now. For halloween cakes. And Thanksgiving. And Christmas. Okay, and New Year's, too. And Jey asked me to look up a song, so I'm going to do that...guess it's what I'm listening to now XD More later!

Mood: happy
Listening to: If you Ever Stop Loving Me - Montgomery Gentry

Well. Today, I am experiencing the effects of procrastinating. Grr. Oh well. It's actually not too bad. I have some revisions to work on, but overall, I would say that the workload really isn't that bad.

I feel happy! A lot happier than I've been feeling, to be quite honest. And I'm not sure why. But I'm happy for it. Hopefully it will keep up...I like it.

So I'm working on an essay for the Flinn scholarship. Oh my goodness. It's frustrating me beyond belief. And I'm thinking that I'm going to need JJ's help for it. Big time. The essay requires me to take a position on genetic testing in firms, and to be honest, I don't know enough about it to make an educated decision, and everything that I have read has been against it. Reading biased works will obviously influence my opinion. I need to have a long conversation with JJ about genetic testing to see if I can establish a solid position with enough evidence to back myself up. I'm not enthusiastic or even the least bit interested in the issue. It's going to show in my writing.

This is terrible. I'm not even entirely sure what to write about anymore. The focus of my life is just school, and when that's the case, there really isn't a whole lot to say. Oh. Well, homecoming floats construction started. And I'm hoping to start helping out next week :) We'll have more stories then.

Mood: happy
Listening to: Silence

Well, I'm pretty freaking exhausted right now. But I must admit, I'm fairly happy :)

The government test today...I thought it went well, but then I changed my mind after I saw Mr. Barter's reactions to my answers. I think the English test might have gone a bit better, except that I wasn't entirely sure how to define some of the vocabulary words. Oh well...

Hm. I was supposed to go to Natalies house this morning...for crepes. But I didn't. Which is kind of upsetting. But I got to sleep in for an extra hour or so, so that was nice. Edgar slept in until 9. I love late starts for the sole reason that the day feels a lot more comfortable and a lot more relaxed. Early releases are so much better, though :D

Today was amazing! It felt like autumn. I mean, okay, obviously it's going to, right? But...it was cooler than it's been, and it was windy, and it just felt so nice. I love autumn and winter. The end of the year is always so amazing.

I want to sleep. And I know there are other things I should probably be doing right now, but honestly, I would much rather wait. I don't want to do any work right now.

I'm thinking I'm going to play video games now. I really just don't feel like doing anything XD Lol. So, more later.

Mood: sleepy
Listening to: IM alerts from MSN Messenger

It's been hectic :)

Senior year is actually nice. I'm managing to keep my grades up (still straight A's! Knock on wood). And yes, I am, in fact, procrastinating at the moment. But I figure I should still be okay...for the most part. After tomorrow, things will start easing up. Tomorrow...I have a government test. Which is stressing me out. And tomorrow...there's an English test. Also stressing me out. But everything's fine. Schoolwise, at least :)

I got to hang out with JJ over the weekend. I won't lie, there were times when I felt pretty upset. So I'm just glad he was able to deal with me. Overall, it was definitely an absolutely amazing day. I just kinda wish we had been able to spend more time together.

I have recently learned that there are people who care for me...so much more than I could even imagine. All my friends, my hangout group...oh my gosh. We're so much closer than I thought. And today, they showed me that they're always there, and they've always got my back. I felt like we may have drifted last year, but no...they always welcome me with open arms. They'll always be on my side, defending me. Jenica, Nessa, Jay, the Gudenkaufs, Megan, Diego, Natalie, and Monique...I know who I can trust. I know who will be there for me. And I know that what I mentioned today (I told them about an incident involving racism) was pretty minor and insignificant...but I love how they still made me laugh and smile, I love how they could joke about it, and at the same time, their immediate reactions of outrage and curiosity about the offender made me realize that...my friends are the most amazing people in the world. Thanks, guys. For making me smile and laugh. For showing me you've got my back. For giving me a hard time.

Ben. You're in the army now...and I miss you, buddy. I really do. You have no idea. And as much as I love your little brother, and as much as he made me smile at school when I was down...it's not the same. I know you told me, "You'll still have Jacob." But you know very well that you can't just compare two people that way. It's unfair.

Of course, Daniel and Jey. Daniel...I was so happy when you told me that I'm the closest thing you've ever had to a little sister. That I might as well be your flesh and blood. I can't explain how that made me feel. Jey...oh my goodness, I can't even begin to explain everything that you have done for me. It's the same routine, whenever I try to talk about you. I just can't. You put up with me, you encourage me, you're there when I cry, when I smile, you laugh when I'm angry, you give me a hard time to make me laugh...and I know that you love me for me. Few people on this earth could handle riding the emotional roller coaster ride with me. And you do it without complaint. What's more...you're sincere when you tell me that you want to be there. That you want to keep helping me cope with things. If that was a lie...well, frankly, I don't think we'd be together right now. You wouldn't always ask me if I'm doing alright, or how everything is going in comparison to before. You two have changed my life in such an immense manner.

Those are my thank-you's. My sincere and heartfelt thank-you's. Not the fake ones I utter when my conscience and morals force me to act politely.

Now, I must rant. Actually...I'm going to study for a bit. And I'll rant later tonight.

I mentioned before that I miss writing in my blog. I do. It's my diary, in a sense, right? My online journal. Open and available for everyone to read. That being said, I'm going to begin writing again. Not only to preserve memories and all my emotions, but to maintain my sanity. Bad people, I will never mention by name. If you know I'm referring to you - or rather, if you think you know - make no complaints to me. Your name isn't mentioned. I am expressing my opinions. And I will never write something untrue. That means that my writing can't be considered libelous. If it was written with malicious intent, your name would be here, I would openly degrade and humiliate you shamelessly, and I would be telling lies. I am exercising my freedom of speech. It's up to you what to make of it. It's up to you how to react to it. If you're offended, stop reading. Don't approach me about it. Don't ask me to take it down. Don't ask me to stop. Don't even mention that you know this blog exists. I refuse to allow people to hinder my freedom of expression any longer.

This is me.

This is who I am. And no one can take that away. These are my thoughts. These are my emotions. These words, posted publicly online, become my only way to shout out to the world, to let everyone see my feelings, my concerns... You can try to take it away. And I guarantee you will not succeed. Because you are reading this of your own free will. And you are free to stop should you get offended.

But if you do (get offended, that is), what should that tell you? That you've done something wrong, that you've hurt me in some way? Because again, let me stress that I won't be explicit in mentioning names (unless you're my friends :P). If you begin suspecting yourself...you should question why. You should question those aspects of your character. I'm not trying to say I'm always right, nor am I in any way suggesting that I'm a better person than anyone. Goodness only knows I'm not even close. I completely acknowledge that everyone must question certain characteristics of their persona. I'm just saying, think.

I also suggest reading the "Read me" disclaimer, located under the "links" navigation header.

Okay, homework now. Rant later :]

Mood: stressed
Listening to: Silence