Oh my goodness. I don't even know how today went. Haha =) I'm not happy...I'm trying to act like it, though. After school was a lot of fun, I'll definitely say that! But class was...bleh. Lol. I couldn't sleep last night. All I remember is turning the lights out in my room at 4:30 in the morning. And I cried so much I got dehydrated xD It sucked >_< Anyway...about class... =)

Took a survey during first. So it wasn't really first period. That wasn't fun. We went to Ms. Ranken's room. Edgar and Daniel were both telling me to sit by them...but I ended up sharing a seat with Ernie xD Lol. Then...we watched The Great Gatsby during English. I like that movie =D And of course, it never fails: the bell just has to ring right as something exciting is about to happen. Now we have to wait until Monday =) During history...I zoned out the whole time. Which is really bad. I don't know what my notes say. I need to look over them. Fire drill made me jump. I dunno if I let out a scream or not xD You would think something like that would have woken me up. Nu-uh. I had to finish math homework during fourth advisory, and we had a Human Rights Club meeting during fifth. Chemistry...oh my goodness. I don't know HOW on earth I stayed awake. I could feel myself falling asleep....

Then math came! And that was fun. Diego and I were fighting, and we explained to Mr. Gale that I was probably going crazy because of Diego's math book (long story xD). He said I didn't have to worry about that. I'm already there. And when I went up to the board to do one of the homework problems...he made fun of me. And he started laughing xD Along with Diego, Christina, Estevan, and Jake! I dunno why...but it's ok =P That was fun. Honestly, that was probably the funnest (I should make my own dictionary of words and include "funnest") period of the day.

Journalism was super...rushed. Patty and Victoria wrote out a full story in that one period because interviews were done with the police department and Mr. Brown yesterday. I had to stay over an extra hour to finalize the story, find the pictures to go with it, resave them for the web, post the story online, and edit some of the code. And I just remembered I forgot to archive what used to be our front page story. Awh. I'll have to do that Monday morning before school...plus, there's other stories we need posted. I can't say I didn't expect to take this long on this story...I anticipated it. And I felt bad for missing half of Ms. Hester's officer social.

That's what happened after school =D I laughed a lot. It's been a while since I've laughed. I won't say anything exciting or interesting happened; it didn't. It was just the officers hanging out. I ate a bag of popcorn. Well, I shared with Billy (OH MY GOSH...he said he popped a blood vessel in his eye, and it looked bad).

After getting home...I don't remember anything. That probably has something to do with the fact that I fell asleep for who knows how long xD Jey texted me and that woke me up in the afternoon...but then I fell asleep again. Until he called me a couple of hours ago and woke me up again =) My ribs are doing better, I'm glad to say (it hurts to move in certain ways), and I think my eye is, too =D Yey! I'm so happy right now! Jey got to go see the chess team at their tournament, so he's in Phoenix right now! I know he wanted to see them, so I'm really glad he was able to pull it off. Oh my gosh. He was at Kofa. Andrea was mad that she didn't get to see him xD I was mad, too =P I sent her a cookie. On her phone. It was a chocolate chip cookie. With a big smile =D

Well...it's late. I wanna catch up on me sleep. Because I can this weekend. Because I have a lot less homework than I've had in a long time. So I'm happy. And it gives me time to really focus on my SAE. I'm getting all my school stuff organized tomorrow, and I'm getting my history homework out of the way. Then late in the afternoon tomorrow or early on Sunday, I'll get more research done. It depends on how long it takes me to finish catching up. Float construction Sunday afternoon. It'll be fun =) More later then. Ja ne <3

Mood: sleepy
Listening to: The Little Mermaid on Disney Channel =)

Wow. Today...will probably be the most depressing day of the school year.

R.I.P. Miriam Ames <3
You'll be in our hearts forever.

School was so weird. It just felt different. Everyone was impacted. I hardly ever spoke to her, and it got to me. I can't even begin to imagine what the softball players must have been feeling. It was weird walking through the pods, walking from class to class. Everyone looked so down, and everything was noticeably quieter. The whole atmosphere was just so depressing.

Bringing it to a more personal level, the executive FFA meeting we had today didn't exactly help any of the officers. I completely understand the purpose of those meetings. I'm not going to say that I don't. It's really good information. It'd be even better if we could have follow-through from all the officers. But I can't believe some of the things that were discussed and said at that meeting. Today of all days, too. Honestly, we could have waited another day for the insentitivity. And no, I'm not the only one who felt that way. I guess I could say what it was that happened, exactly. After all, this is my journal. I'm free to express myself and say anything I want, right? I don't care if i'm judged, and I really don't care who reads this. Besides, I honestly doubt that anyone besides Midori, Mika, and Washi reads this...you three are stalkers (just kidding, but I'm not in the mood to use smileys). But...I just can't. Not for fear that someone's gonna read it and use what I say against me. It's not that. It's more...I don't want to. Because I realize that the problems that we're dealing with in FFA are petty issues that probably won't matter in the long run. Actually, I've always realized that. Always. Everything that happened at school was just a slap in the face that knocked me even harder into the cruel reality of life. I know what we go through isn't necessary, and everything we do can be prevented. What happened to Miriam...it wasn't because of petty issues. That's why I don't like complaining about it...but I know that if I don't, if I don't vent and let it all out, I'll go insane. I could go back to keeping it all in...and I could go back to getting rid of my anger and sorrow in a different way. I'd rather not. Because I love him. And I know he doesn't want me hurt.

To all my true friends:
I never want to take you for granted. I know that I do. Thank you for always taking the time to listen. Thank you for giving me a shoulder to cry on. For sitting by my side silently until I was ready to talk. For asking if everything's ok. For holding me when I needed support. For putting up with me when I shout and complain.

Thanks for all the memories we've created. All the stupid inside jokes we share (damn vampire sheep...five minute rule...crosswalk...stupid monkey laugh...rawr...). All the good times, and even the bad. The tears we've shed together. The hardships we've experienced. The fun times I'll never forget (almost getting run over...watching the meteor shower on the trampoline...dropping all our bags at the mall...driving around, looking for an open store). The breathtaking moments (...our first kiss...). All the stupid things that resulted in bruises (roller skaing...falling off the bed...racing up the stairs...fighting over the remote and movies...).

I know I've hurt you. And I'm sorry for that. Tomorrow is never promised. So I just wanted you to know that I love you with all my heart and soul. Nikki...we've been best friends for who knows how long. And we've known each other even longer. I know you suffered a great loss...but I want you to know I'm always here for you. Andrea...my sister. A lot happened at SoE. And I never imagined I'd get so close to you...that despite the issues...our friendship could still stand strong. Gray...it's amazing to know that I can confide in you and share everything with you. I honestly have no idea what I would do without you, especially right now. Thanks for always caring...and for planning on kidnapping me so I can go live with you. Lol. Billy and Juan...you two are so sweet. I'm so glad to know you're always there. Thanks for your support...and thanks for showing me that I'm _not_ a bad person. Gracias por decir que soy una persona linda. Hearing that means a lot more to me than you'll know. Jey...my love. You of all people have put up with so much from me. When I'm yelling into the phone, you just listen patiently. In fact, it seems like you have no regard for your own feelings. You always care and worry. And you can read me like a book. If I'm pretending to smile...you know the truth. You always seem to know when something's wrong...and you always call at just the right moment (or the wrong moment, depending on your perception of the situation). You're so giving and so amazing in every way. You do so much for me...and I just don't know how someone like me can be so lucky. To have you. As well as to have such great friends.

I love you all. Those that I mentioned...and those that I didn't (I'm sorry, but I'm running out of time). I know I'm fortunate. Yes, there is a lot wrong in my life. But I know to appreciate everything that's going right for me. And that means appreciating the fact that I have you guys. Where on earth would I be without you? Actually. I doubt I'd be here at all. I can't say it enough. But know that I mean it with everything I have.

Mood: melancholy, sentimental
Listening to: Silence

New layout posted yesterday =) The July and August links are broken; there are no entries for those months. Everything seemed too chaotic, so I never really bothered with my poor little blog. Anyway, back to the layout. I love it. I was super upset yesterday, and I was crazy mad at my history teacher. So I figured, "Screw it...who cares about his homework." Seriously, yesterday was so bad, it makes me upset to even think about it. So to get rid of all that, I started working on the layout. And honestly, I'm very pleased with how the image turned out. I wouldn't mind if it was a little less...pink...but I can live with it. I was going for an autumny feel, which explains the leaves in the background, but with the way the colors turned out, I'd say that was pretty much a failed attempt. I still like it, though =D

I'm excited for today! My dad's out playing golf...and I dunno what time he'll be back. That means I can do homework in the living room the rest of the day without being bothered. It's hard for me to do homework in my room a lot of the time...unless it's math. I can do math homework just about anywhere xD But my history and English stuff, I can't; I'll end up falling asleep on my bed, especially with the way I'm sleep deprived. Lol. And Jey and I get to hang out tonight cause he came down to RR! Woohoo! That's why I'm looking forward to today so much. My dad's out and my love is here <3 I know that a lot of stuff is going wrong...but I know that not everything is. I can honestly say that there is at least one thing going right for me. And what I have...it's so much more than I could ask for, so much more than I deserve. But I'm grateful for it. And I know that he can make me smile no matter how bad a situation seems. That's all I need...a smile. So despite that things at school and home could use a lot of improvement...I'm able to deal with it because one aspect of my life is perfect. Thank you so much, darling <3

I suppose I could be doing homework right now...but here's my excuse =P My mom and Yuuki are both still asleep. With good reason, too; it's the weekend, we're sleep depried during the week, and so they're taking advantage of today! But because of that, I'm stuck in my room so I don't accidentally make noise (believe me, I will crash into something) and wake them up. Especially my mommy who's asleep in the living room.

I'm just in a happy mood today =) That's a good thing. I like feeling happy! And Jey was super energetic last night...he made me laugh so hard during our conversation that it got to the point when it hurt to laugh. I loved it xD

Hmm. Junior year is weird. It's super busy and I can't stand it. But with the way Wierski's gonna be teaching his history class from now on, I think it'll be easier to manage it all. This weeked is gonna be murder...I've got a lot of work to do. But as long as I can catch up this weekend, then I'll be good for the rest of the school year, and that'll give me time for my SAE research project. Speaking of which, I've still got to do some of the research. I had a timeline set, but I had a month left over...I guess that's not bad, since approval for the project took that long.

We've got chicks in the classroom. Well, eggs. But they're supposed to start hatching next week. It'll be cool to see that =) I remember when we were younger, my parents took Yuuki and me to the San Diego Zoo. They had a ton of eggs in an incubator...we could see them hatching, and it was the cutest thing! Then a lot of the ones that had already been hatched were outside so that we could feed them. It was too cute. I remember I fell in love with one of the chicks...it was tiny, it looked real fuzzy, and it had greyish-whitish feathers. It was adorable! I guess it was kinda like...well, you know how people always see the little scruffy puppy as the outcast? The chick was kinda like that. My mom and Yuuki thought it was hideous. But then again, that's me. I tend to fall for things that are out of the ordinary. They're unique and beautiful.

Speaking of unique and beautiful. I want to see a white tiger. Or a panda. But not in a zoo. I'd love to go to China and see them out there in the wild =) Or maybe if that's too much, then go somewhere so that it feels like I'm seeing them in the wild...a place where it doesn't feel like the animals are being kept in captivity and confinement.

I'd love to visit a cave right now!! It's dark and cold and I love the sound of water dripping in caves cause the echo sounds cool! I was cave kissed =) We went to Kartchner Caverns when Omar was here...last year, actually. Among the three of us, I was the only one who was cave kissed =D Lol. I felt happy. The cave liked me =) that place was absolutely gorgeous.

Yes, I'm rambling now just to kill time, but give me a break. It's been a while since I've blogged! I feel happier now, and I mean sincerely happy. Not like I have to fake it. That's saying a lot. Of course, I think that will probably change on Monday. But until then, I'll enjoy my weekend! This is seriously the most mindless entry I've posted in a long time. Well, there's an indication that I really am happy! My vocabulary isn't too good here. I know it's at least half-decent when I'm writing when I'm upset. Of course, half those entries never get posted because I save them onto my computer or write them out by hand, then delete them permanently or tear them up. Yeah. You see my mindless side. So, more later, then! Ja matta ne!

Mood: excited
Listening to: I Ran - Bowling for Soup

I should be doing math homework...but I guess I can do that tomorrow. I'm ready to fall asleep xD Haha. I really should. I'm just waiting for my dad to go to his bedroom right now. I don't like falling asleep when he's still in the family room...I dunno, I'm weird =)

This weekend...oh my goodness, it was so much fun =D

So, Jey and I went to the movies on Saturday...we ended up watching Shoot em Up...it was good, granted, it's the kind of R-rated movie he'd never get me into. We were gonna watch 3:10 to Yuma (which, by the way, I have been dying to watch), but that didn't work out too well because of time xD Anyway. He either covered my eyes or I turned away from the screen half the time (yes, I am exaggerating...but not too much =P). I don't see why, though. He's already corrupted my mind enough xD I'm just playing.

We ran into Abel outside after the movie! He had locked himself out of the car. And he said he left the key in the ignition. So we drove him back to Jack-in-the-Box and waited until David brought him another key. Omg, that was pretty funny. And there was a frog! At the theater!

Then...we just hung out. Jey and I did. I'm glad...I can say that he is my boyfriend. I don't have to say no when people ask...it was weird saying no because there really was something there when they asked. I guess it really surprised me when he asked. I didn't expect it for at least another year...maybe two xD It did strike me as weird. But not in a bad way. In a good way.

This weekend was so amazing. This weekend...I just...it reminded me of why I love being with him. It's cliche, but when he's holding me...I get this feeling. I know I'm safe. No one can hurt me. And nothing can go wrong. Everything is perfect when I'm with him. Yeah, weird stuff happens on our dates (on every single one...), but it's not bad. It's still...it's fun. I dunno, I'm being wierder than usual right now. But...as hard as I try to imagine he's here (especially when I'm upset), I just...I can't force myself to feel the way I do when he's hugging me. How can someone even begin to try to do something like that? It's just...not possible.

Ok. Fun stuff. At least for me.
-When we went to watch POTC. Headache. Memorial day weekend. Drove around and looked for an open store to buy medicine. Everything was closed...even Wal-Mart xD (doesn't sound too funny...definitely htbt)
-Hung out at the park. Car wouldn't start again xD Jey's dad and his brother had to come help.
-Meteor shower. When he came over. My brother hung out with us. It wasn't bad...just interesting. But that's Yuuki for ya =)
-Before he moved out. When he came to drop stuff off...my mom scared us when we were outside =)
-Ok. I've hit my head against something in his car so many times...I should've kept count. Lol.

My journal is just about dead. No one reads this anymore (at least I don't think so...maybe Mika and Midori and Washi and Rei cause they're stalkers xD j/p and we need to keep in touch more!). So I don't mind sharing. I'll prolly end up deleting that incomplete list and keep it to myself =)

Well, it's been 15 minutes. So I'm gonna go to sleep now. More later. Hopefully. Don't want a repeat of the last two months which consisted of absolutely no entries. Oyasumi!

Mood: sleepy
Listening to: The cieling fan...