Well, it's after 9:00, and you know what I should be doing? Homework. Like always. Lol. Well, actually, I'm done with homework for tonight. I just need to study for a quiz on the Civil War that the stupid history teacher didn't even lecture about in class...at least, not as in depth as he did during advisory. Grr. So I figure I'll fail. Oh well. I'm still exhausted. Oops. I shouldn't say that. Cause he says HE gets tired of hearing it. Screw him if he says he gets tired of hearing it. He's not the only one who's always tired, and it's not like he's more exhausted than any of us are. Why should he have the right to whine and complain, but not us? That seems unfair.

Oh well. Honestly, I'm not doing well. Haha. I should really care more. I mean, I'm reading my other journal entry for November and comparing it to this one. This one sounds so...apathetic. It's crazy. Cause that's not me. But I guess that today, I just felt sick of everything. I'm not sure why, exactly. But I didn't care...

I think it's because I realize that I can't do much about it. So...since I finally faced reality...and I'm not in denial...I don't care =D Well, I do. Otherwise I wouldn't be worrying about the fact that I should really be studying instead of wasting time doing this. But this is my way of venting! And I guess I'm not venting for long. I guess I'll go do homework now. Bleh. Or I might just go to sleep. I'm exhausted.

Mood: sleepy
Listening to: Always All Ways - Lostprophets

Yeah, I should be doing homework. I can't concentrate, though. Then again, I never can. At least, not for history. That class bores me like nothing else on this planet. Don't get me wrong, I love Mr. Wierski (at least as a person), but the class is just...bleh. It's nothing like world history, that's for sure. I love world history <3

I'm exhausted. Like always, though. But it's my own dang fault for putting off so much work. There's only so much I can do in one night. I'll prolly have to pull an all-nighter tonight in order to read for history and re-read for English. I actually won't mind reading for history tonight. I dunno why, I just have a feeling that I won't. Plus, on the bright side, all I need to know is vocabulary! So...definitely good thing. Just watch, the test is going to have absolutely nothing to do with vocabulary, so I'm gonna fail.

I mind doing the work for English, though. I love the book; it's such a great book! It's so much fun! I just hate how much she's rushing it. It doesn't really give us time to enjoy it. I understand we have to go and analyze everything, but don't give us more than 30 pages a night to read, because we do have homework for other classes, and we actually want to enjoy the book. I'm not speaking just for myself, either. But it's alright, I guess I understand.

This sucks. I'm already tired as it is. I dunno how on earth I'm gonna make it all night. Well...that's not true. I know I can do it. I'll be dead tomorrow. Actually, I'll be really lively and happy in the morning, but then by the afternoon, I'll just wanna go home.

Home. Interesting word, huh? Home is with my mommy. And home is with Jey. Home is not where I'm at right now. Right now, I'm alone in my room, locked away, like an old forgotten doll...the one that everyone wants to get rid of. That is, everyone except for the girl who took care of her. I'm like that doll, locked away in a toy chest, in her only safe haven (or so she thinks). Silly doll. She should know that even there she isn't safe. Even there, she risks getting torn up and thrown out. Breaking into a toy box is not that difficult.

I want to go home. With Jey. More than anything, I want to feel safe and loved right now. I want someone to reassure me that everything is going to be just fine...like I know it always is. Darling, I'll keep smiling for you. I think you would be surprised at just how hard I really try to keep smiling and to keep going. Despite the fact that I may vent and cry when I talk to you...I really do try so hard to keep smiling. You give me reason to. Of course, when I talk to you...it's different. Because you give me the opportunity to get things off my chest. I need someone to hear me, to listen. I can't just write everything out on paper and be satisfied. I can't. Does it help? Of course it does. But it still drives me insane. I feel like it's too much weight for me to carry on my shoulders alone. And as you very well know, I'm weak. So thank you for helping me carry so much. Thank you for sharing the burden with me...when you can very well walk away at any second. You have no idea how thankful I am to have someone like you <3

Well...homework it is. I think I'll need a few cups of caffiene to keep me awake. More later, I hope. Ja matta ne.

Mood: melancholy
Listening to: The Bird and the Worm - The Used