Pure as Snow

Quick, Quick!

Okay, today's is something super super quick. Like ten-minute-entry quick.

Well. I have absolutely nothing to write about. Oh. My dad went to Chicago for a week, so we're alone here for...a week. Lol. Well, not alone, since there's three of us xD Yeah. I love my dad, as I've come to realize, but it's nice not to have to put up with all the arguing.

I'm almost done with Memoirs of a Geisha! It's getting really sad. There's this one part with Nobu and Sayuri that made my cry. If you read it, you'll probably figure out which part it is, since Sayuri cried, too. I don't know if it's in the movie or not, since I haven't watched it. I'd like to, though!

Let's see...yeah. I found out that one of my friends may move. It'll be weird next year if that happens, but I'm sure we'll still be in touch. It's just...kinda sad that not many of my friends are at RRHS with me. Sounds a bit selfish, but I can't help feeling like this.

This is my last entry for the month. I'll archive it tomorrow. I wanna get my new layout up. I didn't make it. Haven't had time. But I will soon -grin- I hope.... It's a really pretty Valentine's layout! Sorta. I wanna get it up. It's pretty ^^

I have absolutely nothing more to write about now. Seriously. Oh, wait. No, never mind, that'd be bragging, so no. Yeah. Okay, this was a six-minute entry. Wow, I can think FAST! No, not really, this isn't a lot for six minutes. I'm a slow thinker. -Sigh- Oh well o_0 More later! Ja! Mood: anxious
Listenting to: She's a Rebel - Green Day

Shini-chan had a vision on Monday, January 30, 2006 at 09:04 p.m.

Randomness. Again.

Well. I'm weird. As I've learned. Yea.

Xavy asked me out. What do I do? I mean, I've got an answer in mind, but so many people say so many different things. Some say I should give him a chance, others say he's a player and not worth it. And they haven't even heard MY choice. And I don't wanna say anything that'll give it away.

Ohkay. Today was weird. This morning, I woke up with a feeling that I was gonna run into Weston today. Well, I didn't run into him, but I did run into his mom. It struck me as a weird coincidence. Partly because I never wake up feeling like I'll run into someone, and the one day I do, it happens. Not a big deal. But it's kinda... o_0 ...yeah.

I'm almost done reading Memoirs of a Geisha! It's a super good book. I haven't watched the movie, but I'm sure it won't be as good as the book. Then again, that's like any other movie, right? There's this one part with the Baron and Sayuri...I wanted to stop reading the book at that point, but I knew I couldn't. Partly becuase I wanted to get to the end, but mostly because I HAD to finish. For a book presentation. And I won't say what happened. But it's probably not nearly as bad as you're thinking.

Right now. I guess I'll go and finish my homework. I'll finish my essay for English.

LMAO!!

"Hey, Omar? Are you gay?"
"No!"
"You're not? Cause I'm really gay!"

Rofl. That's my brother. And Omar. Having a conversation. On the phone. It means "Happy", of course. My brother's had too many girlfriends. Yeah.

I guess that's all for now? Yeah. More later! Ja!

Mood: jumpy
Listening to: Story of my Life - Bon Jovi

Shini-chan had a vision on Saturday, January 28, 2006 at 07:10 p.m.

Party!

Wow. The quinceañera was awesome. I danced like I'd never danced before. It was amazing. And it was so much fun. First we did the usual thing for those parties, you know? Yeah. But it was so cool. The music was mostly techno. So freaking awesome! Jesse and Chris were super good. Tony was a good dancer, too! And of course, Weston xD Yeah. I danced with Katie and Demi, too! But Drake didn't wanna dance with me -_-

I don't think I can say how much fun that party was. No way. And I heard the sweetest words I'd heard in a LONG time at that party. No, not from a crush, but from a best friend.

It's too bad we left early, though. I was so excited when I found out Weston was leaving when the party was over, but I had to leave becuase my parents were in a fight. It was cool, though.

Yeah. The party was mostly dancing. But I loved it when my phone rang...since it was in Weston's pocket xD "Uh-oh...heheh...your phone's ringing." It was hilarious. And super cute.

And Alba. She was...omg. Just drop-dead gorgeous! She looked so pretty! We envied her, but it was her party. It was so amazing to see her looking so pretty on her birthday. Analee and I almost cried at church =P Yeah. I'm getting kicked off. Even though it's MY computer. I've got Neo Premium, so my brother wants to play the Beta game right now. Lol. It's an okay game. But like most, it's addicting. So, more later!

Mood: dizzy
Listening to: Background music from the beta game

Shini-chan had a vision on Wednesday, January 25, 2006 at 06:20 p.m.

Err...

Three days until the party. I'm excited. Sorta, I guess. We're gonna go practice tomorrow at the Diamond House...with our heels. Yeah. but it'll be fun, I guess =) Don't feel like going though. I wanna stay home and sleep. Right now, I'm gonna go read my book. Very sleepy. Yea. Oyasumi.

Mood: blah
Listening to: Neopet's Grand Theft Ummagine music

Shini-chan had a vision on Wednesday, January 18, 2006 at 08:27 p.m.

Yesterday. Church?

Yesterday...we DIDN'T go horseback riding xD Becuase neither of us remembered. Lol. I was out at the stores all morning, and we went to practice at 4:00. Then we went to church right after Weston left. For confession. I felt really bad, though.

Okay, there were too many of us, so we had to get there in two cars. Alba's grandpa took half of us, and the other half stayed until Weston left becuase we would go with Leti (Alba's mom). When we got to church, everyone obviously walked inside, except for me and Stef. We noticed Adan sitting on the bench by himself, so we walked over to find out what was wrong. What Adan told me was that there had been these people in the church who looked at everyone...well, you know, in a not-so-nice way. They pointed and whispered. Four old people =P I wouldn't know, since I got there later, right? But Jorge told me the same thing, and Tony agreed with them. Adan told me he didn't need to put up with things like that at church, since he had enough to go through at home. And I agree with him completely. Eventually, though, he did go inside, and he was the second one to confess. Okay, that's beside the point.

Once I finished praying, I looked for Adan and Tony to go sit with them, but they were gone. They were outside. So, I went out there to hang out with them and not be disrespectful. Ivonne, Tony, and Adan were all sitting at the wall with their heads down. All three. It was so depressing to see them all like that. They said they felt guilty (except for Eve, since she didn't confess). But confession means your sins have all been forgiven and you can start again, you can make the effort not to sin anymore. Tony didn't look at it that way, and I guess Adan didn't, either.

Anyway. After mass, we all just hung out outside the church as we waited for Leti to get done confessing inside. We joked, played around, and most of us had hot dogs or hot chocolate or something to eat. Of course, I didn't xD Neither did Tony.

Oh! And I sang to try and make Tony happy! I sang Zipidee-do-dah...and I got him to laugh! You know the part that goes "For we have plenty of sunshine..." right? He pointed at the moon. Lol. Stef and I sang the Star Spangled Banner and another patriotic song neither of us could remember the title of. But we remembered the lyrics well xD

Yesterday was a better day than most have been. It was...kinda fun. We danced three times without messing up. I'm pretty sure it was three, anyway. Yeah. becuase Leti said "One more time!" two times. Yeah. And we danced pretty well!

Right now. I feel like eating. I feel like eating fruit. So, more later! Ja ne!

Mood: relieved
Listening to: My dad's Japanese television show

Shini-chan had a vision on Sunday, January 15, 2006 at 08:00 a.m.

Randomness

Wow. Title I haven't used in a long time!

It's so annoying that people think I'm not over Wes. But I am. I like being his friend more than I like being his girlfriend -grin-

Omg. I can't believe how miserable I felt on Tuesday. But yesterday was a little better. We went to practice for the dance, and it was really awesome.

I was sitting by myself, studying for a quiz, since I wouldn't have any other time to study. Adan and Jesse came over becuase they thought something was wrong. Funny thing...there was. And they were the first ones to approach me that day. We all just started talking...well, actually, just me and Adan. Jesse just sorta listened. But after that conversation, I felt differently toward Adan. I wasn't afraid of him anymore, I wasn't shy about going up to my BFF's boyfriend and saying "What's up" or anything. In fact, he even gave me a hug before I left. HIM. And the best part of it is that Alba trusts him. And she doesn't think of me as a boyfriend-stealing...person...because she knows I would never do that to her. And she knows who I like now anyway xD But that's MY secret. But Adan and Jesse were super cool yesterday.

Still, we were talking about a buncha SAD stuff. And I couldn't believe half the things Adan goes through. In the middle of the conversation, I stood up...I mean, something felt WEIRD. It was the weirdest feeling in the world. It felt familiar. It was fear, but I don't know why. And I couldn't breathe. They thought it was the cold, but I felt otherwise.

Weston started worrying, so we talked. And I don't think he could have made me happier. It was kinda funny, though...
"What are you doing on Saturday?"
"I dunno...nothing, I guess?"
"Good. We're going horseback riding."
He didn't ASK, in case you didn't notice. It was more of a demand. But it was really sweet nonetheless. He just offered me that feeling of comfort. The same one I can expect from my closest friend. Not my boyfriend. My best friend. And best friend sounds better anyway =) So I think I'll wait on my crush. Not that he'll ever notice me... -smile-

So, I get to hang out with everyone tomorrow again. How fun! I'm really looking forward to tomorrow and making the best of it. I know I won't be alone, but even if I am, I don't mind; I can run inside and learn to play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on the keyboard. I already learned "Silent Night". Just gotta beat Jesse to the seat. And hope that a bad drummer doesn't approach the drums. Don't know how good Weston is. But honestly, Eddie's drumming gave me a headache last night xD

Hey, I set a record. I went for over 48 hours without eating. The longest I had gone before was 36 hours. Which is really not a lot. It was because of lack of time. I've been piled with homework, FFA, and dance practice. It's not a lot, but practice takes up most of the afternoon. If I'm lucky, I've got a half hour to myself at home. So, I guess that's all. And I actually caught up with my homework and have about an hour to spare tonight! Woohoo! So, I'll update my website. Yeah.

WAIT WAIT! One more thing! I got an A on my speech! How cool is that?! YEY! The lowest score I got was a 3.5 (out of 4, so that's good)!! WOOHOO! I'm so PROUD!

I got everything off my chest, and if anything, I learned that I can definitely trust Adan and count on him to be there to talk to if I need it. Because he can relate to me. And he can offer words of comfort. So if I can't get a hold of Wes or Alba, he's always there. Remember, Alba and Wes are at different schools. Grr. Lol. So I'm super happy now. And I hope I can stay this way! Ja!

Mood: tired
Listening to: Yuuki...yelling...at the TV x_x

Shini-chan had a vision on Thursday, January 12, 2006 at 08:28 p.m.

Sick of being here

Firstly, I wanna talk about my presentation today. I personally thought it was a disaster. I forgot half the things I had practiced saying over and over and over to Maxie, who seemed to like the speech. But the rest of the students really liked it, and I even got some people to want to read the book. And when that happens, you KNOW you've done at least an okay job. Plus, Mrs. Bristow smiled at me REAL BIG when I looked at her. It could have been an evil diabolical smile, ne? But it was a smile nonetheless.

Today was actually... -sigh- ...not a great day. Heck, not even a GOOD day. And I don't know why? I told myself I'd be happy again, like I used to be. But when things at home are so messed up and when your two best friends who happen to be the ONLY two people you hang out with at school hate each other's guts, it's a little hard to live. I think everyone would be better off if I was gone. Seriously. If I wasn't there, Jeff and Monique wouldn't have to talk to each other as much. Or see each other as often. Yahoo probably wouldn't be as miserable. Plus, Yahoo, Nessa, Jenica, and Monique could all hang out together, the four of them, like they used to, if I wasn't in the way. Weston wouldn't have to worry about staying in touch with me, since he's busy enough as it is. And NONE of my friends (not that I have many "real" friends...but the ones I have are the best of the best, and that's something I have to keep in mind) would have to listen to what goes on with me. They wouldn't worry. They wouldn't have to CARE. But everyone has these problems. And they're all because I'm here.

I'm sick of remembering all the good times. I'm sick of thinking about all the wonderful things I did with all my friends. I wanna LIVE those times again. But I can't. And I'll never be able to again.

I don't wanna remember how great and wonderful and sweet Weston was at Disneyland. I don't wanna remember how he stood by my side when he could have left me to go have fun like he SHOULD have. I'm GLAD I remember, but I wanna EXPERIENCE it again. I wanna KNOW that he's still there for me. I wanna know that his words still hold true. I wanna know he hasn't drifted away, I wanna know that our friendship hasn't slipped through us.

I don't wanna remember that Jeff trusted me so much with his secrets. I don't wanna remember that he called me when he needed someone to talk to, I don't wanna remember that it was ME he came to. And right now, it's hard to believe that he did. I'm tired of being happy becuase of things that already happened! I can't fake it anymore, and if I do, I'll only feel like I'm living a lie, a FAKE LIFE.

Memories can only keep you happy for so long, and they've kept me sane for...what...three months? But I'm SICK of it! I don't wanna live only on memories, I mean what kind of life is that? The thing is, I want MORE memories. To preserve. For when I grow older. Actually, IF I get older. What's the point? Go to school, learn, put up with crap from "friends", go home, do homework, do it all over agian the next day.

I'm different that I used to be. But I wish I wasn't. I want to be HAPPY. I want to feel jumpy and smiley all the time. So why can't I? Why am I feeling such constant depression? Why can't people just get along? Cliche, I know. But TRUE. If my PARENTS could get along, I wouldn't have to see my mom suffer and I wouldn't be against my dad. Vise versa for my brother. If my FRIENDS could get along, then they wouldn't suffer. I wish I could make everything better. But the truth is that I'm just a stupid girl who can't do anything right, who just gets in the way and messes everything up. And I'm tired of it. As long as I feel depressed, there's nothing I can do about it.

For Jeff

You think you know all, but that isn't true;
In fact, I can offer a challenge for you.

You're always right, and I'm always wrong,
So do we really truly belong?

You made me a promise I thought you would keep,
But all that you've done is cause me to weep.

I thought that you cared and that you'd keep your vow,
But after everything, the truth is clear now.

You didn't keep your promise, you let me down,
In my own tears, you almost caused me to drown.

So I guess I lose the challenge; I've lost once again,
My belief, my theory, only ended in my pain.

I still love you, as I always will,
But you still have a vow to fulfill.

For Weston

Becuase you listened so well to her plea,
You opened her heart; she gave you the key.

You fill the emptiness that rests within,
Because of you, she's allowed to grin.

After sheeding her every melancholy tear,
She hears your voice and knows you're near.

When she feels the presence of the boy that's you,
She forgets her sorrows; she bids them adieu.

When she feels you with her, by her side,
She knows her feelings are impossible to hide.

Her fear is definite, her sorrow concrete,
All her feelings all but discrete.

But you stay and listen, you stay to hear,
Your loyalty to her is prefectly clear.

Now you must know; still, I haven't said,
Replace "her" in this poem with "me" instead.

Yes, it's true that "she" is me,
And I'm the one that you've set free.

So thank you, for always being so great,
The day we meet again is the day I await.

I love you both. Very much. And NOT one more than the other, NOT in different ways. You're both my friends and only my friends. You both mean more than the world to me...

So promise me that we aren't drifting apart...
Because if we are, I know I'll depart.

Mood: Melancholy
Listening to: Silence

Shini-chan had a vision on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 at 07:53 p.m.

Quinceañera

First thing's first! I'm too busy to make a layout of my own right now, so I'll probably be using premades for a while. But this one's cool. The colors are pretty, they're wintery and they're close to the colors we're wearing for Alba's quinceañera! Haku ROCKS! I really like the one I downloaded for February, March, April, and May, too. Not sure I'll need them for that long, but just in case =P

Woohoo! We finally went and practiced for Alba's quinceñaera this weekend. I actually got to practice with Weston on Friday, but I was partnerless yesterday since he was gone xD It was cool, though. Besides, he didn't miss too much.

We had loads of fun, but there's nothing TOO interesting that happened. Okay, well, everything was super weird, and if I told you the whole day, this entry would be WAAY too long, and I've gotta get to bed in a half hour. But yeah, it was fun. We're going back tomorrow to try the dresses on. Which is a good thing. I really wanna see what it looks like. And hopefully we won't take too long; I've got homework. I think we're practicing again Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Wednesday and Saturday for sure, at least. So this week's gonna be a little busy for me ^_^ Tomorrow we're gonna go try the dresses on, Tuesday I have to stay after school, Wednesday (which is late start. YES!) we're gonna practice. Not sure about Thursday or Friday, but we're going one of the two days, if not both. Saturday we're gonna practice. But I know I'll have time for homework. At least two hours, which will hopefully be enough.

Anyway. I don't wanna go back to school >_< I'm almost ready for my Alice in Wonderland presentation, plus I've got a bunch of really cute props I'm gonna use, and I made some bookmarks for everyone. The only thing I'm missing is my index cards and a little practice on the speech. Everything else I'm okay with, and I honestly think I'll do okay. I AM a little nervous though, but I've done a lot of public speaking becuase of FFA, so I know I've gotten better at it to say the least.

I talked to Weston! Oh, you already knew that. It was really really great to see him again. I couldn't believe that he was actually there. I don't think I could have been happier. Yeah, I do love him, but probably not in the way a lot of people think. Dancing with him was a lot of fun, and I think it was good for me because he actually knows what he's doing, so he's a big help. I'm SO glad he's my partner!

Wow. Typed up the whole entry in about seven minutes. That's good. Didn't have to do a lot of thinking this time! Since I've got time to spare before I have to get to bed, I'm gonna go talk to Omar! Oyasumi!

Mood: content
Listening to: the judges from "Cantando por un Sueño"

Shini-chan had a vision on Sunday, January 8, 2006 at 09:03 p.m.

January

Just...you know. Keeping my blog alive. Sorta. Lol. I'll add a REAL entry tomorrow. Going to bed right now. Very sleepy. More later. Oyasumi!

Mood: SLEEPY
Listening to: Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy

Shini-chan had a vision on Wednesday, January 4, 2006 at 09:19 p.m.