°° // The Dream that Time Dreams × °

RANDOMNESS
mostly ffa stuff

Things have been going really well! Well, mostly.

We did our FFA Week activities this week, but I guess I do have to admit I was a little upset. Luisa planned everything with JJ, just the two of them, as always, excluding other officers. But I didn't mind too much, I guess. I dunno why I didn't. I mean it kinda hurt, but no big deal, right? So yeah. It was pretty fun! The Greenhands beat the chapter membership! I'm glad I was the officer on their team xD Lol.

I have a ton of homework to atch up on this weekend, which kinda sucks because AIMS is this week, too. Grr. And we have our state CDEs on Friday. Way too much to do, but if I can get caught up this weekend, I don't think I'll be under too much stress :)

Ohkay, I'm gonna go snack on some veggies xD It's too early for chocolate. More later! Ja ne!

Mood: happy
Listening to: Can't Catch Tomorrow - Lost Prophets

//Shinigami had a dream on Saturday, February 24, 2007 at 09:44 a.m.

MOVIES
things turned out alright in the end

Well. This weekend's been...interesting, to say the least. It's been really great for the most part, but then again, I guess expecting a perfect weekend wasn't exactly realistic, was it? I guess it seemed like it could be when I was thinking about it during the week, since I've been feeling so insanely happy. It's nothing really bad, not that I would say. I guess it was just...really awkward?

Ohkay, so I finally got my permit on Friday! YES! I just turned old enough a couple of weeks ago, and I actually didn't fail my test the first time! I don't know how people can fail that thing if they read through the manual. Lol xD So I got my permit and then I texted JJ. His exact reply was "Oh god". He said he'd teach me, so he dreaded the day I'd get my permit xD

Then we went to the movies. We met up with Wes and Cisco. Long story short: Wes and I fought. Cisco's not the person I thought he was. Both of them made me uncomfortable I went to the movies with Hannah, of course. And her dad's stupid girlfriend. But umm...Cicsco had told me he wasn't the jealous type. That was a lie. I just can't stand how there aren't many guys out there who can deal with the fact that Wes and I are so close, that we're best friends, no, we're more like siblings. Wes was acting incredibly stupid last night, and Cisco was just...I dunno. I guess I'm glad they both showed up. Cisco showed me that if he had asked me out and I had said yes, it would have been a huge mistake on my part. He kissed me...and it was all wrong. It was really uncomfortable. And he made me feel that way when he talked to me, too. Weston...well, I'm glad he went because it meant I was able to knock some sense into that thick skull of his.

Weston. Oh my gosh, he was so...I dunno. He called me last night to apologize for the way he had acted. And I love the way he sounded because I heard the sincerity in his voice that I had missed for a long time. He's been different since our sophomore year started, but yesterday he sounded like he was back. I guess that even though things at the movies weren't as great as I could have hoped for, things still worked out in the end. Things worked out for the better! And I'm glad they did. I'm glad I can still smile and keep my promise.

Err. Yeah. So I don't really have a lot to say. I was gonna explain everything that happened when we went to the movies, but I don't really feel like making this entry any longer than it has to be, plus my hand still hurts from slamming it in the door xD Lol.

We watched Ghost Rider. It was an okay movie, some parts were dorky, some were pretty hillarious. The end was worth it though. I guess it's saying a lot because I am never, ever satisfied with the end of a movie. But I loved this one's ending, or the parts toward the end.

Ah. Gotta go. More later! Ja!

Mood: happy
Listening to: Sakura Drops - Utada Hikaru

//Shinigami had a dream on Monday, February 19, 2007 at 09:00 a.m.

PROMISE
and a valentine rose

I had a great Valentine's day! I hope everyone else did, too!

I got chocolates from Paul! I never expected that from him! He also gave me a rose. A single, red rose. I couldn't believe it. I have always wanted to get a single red rose for Valentine's day for who knows how long! Honestly, for as long as I can remember, I've wanted to get a single red rose for Valentine's day.Just one. I've gotten a dozen roses, and I've gotten half a dozen roses, but never just one. I'm not sure why, but I think that a single rose is just...a lot more romantic than any more. He got it for me...he said it was to let me know that he thinkgs I'm a very sweet and special person. I guess that for some reason, it meant a lot coming from a "tough guy" like Paul. Despite the front that he puts up...I know him. And I know what he's like. So I'm glad I get to see that. I'm glad I get to see who he really is.

I felt so loved xD Yahoo got me a bag of candy, JJ gave me chocolates, Nessa and Collette gave me a box of chocolate, Nikki gave me chocolate, Oscar gave me a chocolate (getting anything from him is a big deal xD), Jenica gave me a lollipop with a card (it was so cute!), David gave me a candy heart (the words on it were "Let's kiss" which is why he did it xD), Diego gave me a teddy bear, and Cisco got me a stuffed puppy! And of course, Paul got me box of chocolate and a rose. Everything was insanely cute! I'm glad I felt so loved ^-^

Ohkay! I talked to my parents! They said it's okay for me to apply for the UofA's Summer of Excellence! I'm so excited! If I get accepted, I actually get to go! YES! So I asked Desai and Falkner to write letters of recommendation for me today, and Desai kinda helped me out with the application today. I feel super grateful! And I'm so glad that things are looking up, and have been looking up for the longest time!

Not too long ago...I made a promise to a friend. To a friend and myself. That I'd smile no matter what. I've been doing a good job! I promised I'd smile no matter how tough things got. And things last weekend...well, they were tough. They were really tough. I have a feeling that this weekend will be no different. But I abosolutely know that I'll still keep smiling. I'm glad I made the promise. I know I should smile for the people around me, even if I don't feel happy. Making that promise...I guess it reinforces that thought, even when I can't really see the bright side of a situation.

I'm doing a good job. I'm smiling. And I definitely know that I can keep it up. No matter how hard things get. Cause I know they'll keep getting tougher. But all that means is that I have to try harder. And I don't mind :)

Now. I have to go.... So more later! Ja ne!

Mood: delighted
Listening to: The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage - Panic! At the Disco

//Shinigami had a dream on Thursday, February 15, 2007 at 12:17 p.m.

HAPPY
a smile, a hug, a kiss, and a text

Well, I had a super good day today! Yay! It's been a while since I've been able to say something like that. Well, for the most part today was a good day.

Err. Matt asked me out today. That was super awkward. Then again, I do know that something like that takes a lot of courage. It took him four periods to say it, but he did =) That's why I feel bad saying no. It's just that...I don't really like Matt that way. It was super awkward today, like I said. I don't wanna go out with him because it would be unfair to both of us. I don't wanna say yes and be fake, I don't wanna say yes and give him a false sense of how I feel. It wouldn't be right, ya know? Especially since I really like David so much. I wouldn't want Matt to get the wrong idea. He's a great person...but I've never seen him as more than a friend.

I've been hanging out with Desai a lot this week. I usually go to him in the mornings, since A) it's too cold to be outside and B) I think I'd rather be there with him anyway. I walked in on...yesterday...and I told him how my weekend wasn't the greatest thing. You know how sometimes words aren't the biggest deal in the world? Like...it's not what the person says to you, it's how they say it? That's always how it is with people like Desai and Rodriquez. Yesterday morning a little while after I told him...while he was grading our projects...he just kinda looked at me and said, "You okay? You look kinda down." Around him, I guess I usually try to act happy. But it's not what he said...it's the way he said it. The way he says things just makes me feel so happy. Yesterday, I guess I really needed to hear what he said to me, the way he said it. I was upset, and I didn't start crying until he said that. But I didn't cry because I was sad. I cried because...was it because I was happy? I dunno, it's weird. I didn't cry because I was sad. I cried because he noticed me, because he was paying attention, even though he had better, more important things to do. I cried because someone took the time to notice me. It wasn't a big deal, just a few silent tears, it wasn't a big scene. But yeah...

Kinda the same thing with Rodriquez. Take a look at my previous entry. He made me feel wanted. He made me feel...loved, cared for. I cried when he gave me a hug. Yes, I was feeling down then, too, but I had no intention of crying. Then he came, he ran, he looked so genuinely happy and excited to see me. When he hugged me and wouldn't let go...that's when I cried. It's not that I cry when I'm sad. I rarely do. I cry when people offer comfort because it makes me feel so happy.

Rodriquez texted me today xD I swear it was the most random thing at the most random time. But it made me happy, so what does it matter, right? Lol. I laughed. He totally made my day.

Err...I'm just about falling asleep. Gonna go post on the guild and fall asleep. And I get to sleep in! Cause tomorrow's a late start! Heck yes!

More later then! Ja matta ne, minna-san!

Mood: delighted
Listening to: Zanarkand - Final Fantasy X Soundtrack

//Shinigami had a dream on Tuesday, February 6, 2007 at 10:08 p.m.

RODRIQUEZ
the kind of father to die for

Well. I've had a very miserable week.

There's too much stress on me. It's a lot of schoolwork and I really am having a lot of trouble handling it all.

So much crap is going on. It's tough. Really tough.

On Wednesday...it was amazing. I went to see Mr. Rodriquez, and I hadn't seen him for over a week. I know, not a big deal, right? But it felt like forever, for both of us. He saw me, and he actually ran and came to me. When he saw me...his reaction was just.... I dunno what it was. He told me it felt like it had been forever. He told me he missed me. He told me that seeing me made his day. Honestly, I just got this feeling when he saw me and when he hugged me the way he did. I've always looked at him as a father. I mean, I know I've got my dad, but it's not like I can talk to my dad about anything, right? Rodriquez...well, I can tell him everything, no matter how stupid it is. I know he won't make me feel like an idiot. But my point: when I saw him, when he reacted the way he did...well, I really felt like he thought of me as a daughter. I mean, he had told me before that he wished he could take me in (that's when things at home were super bad). But yesterday...it was weird. Yesterday, when he saw me, the way he reacted, the way it felt...I honestly felt like he thought of me as a daughter. I don't get feelings like that. Never. And when I do, it's usually...well, true. He made my day. I really felt like he thought of me as a daughter to him. I really did. And the feeling was great. I felt...wanted.

That's something I really need. No, not need. Needed.

He already made me feel better.

Well, I guess I'll add more later, then. Ja ne.

Mood: tranquil
Listening to: Omar on the phone

//Shinigami had a dream on Friday, February 2, 2007 at 10:04 p.m.

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