Make A Christmas Wish

Omg. The year is over.

I got through my freshman year and started my sophmore year. I've had lots of good times...and lots of bad ones.

But then again, the same goes for everyone, ne? It's just...time is moving fast. It's kinda scary.

Oh. And my last days at Cali were horrible. Seriously. I got sick and I basically couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't move, everything hurt. Blah. That was NOT fun. At ALL.

Right now...I guess I still feel a little sick xD But I'm definitely feeling a lot better, and that's good!

I've got homework to do this week. I'm not dreading it, but I'm not looking forward to it either. Last year was at least 10 times worse. It's nice to have a break. Plus, I'm really enjoying Siddhartha. That helps ^_^

This year, we can't do a lot of the stuff we're used to doing for New Year's. Jii-chan died this year, and it's not a happy event. New Year's is supposed to be celebrated because it's happy, but that wasn't. I'm glad that we always remember him. It's something constant. It's not like he's forgotten or we just go to his grave and cry. But it's sad. Actually, no...it's not. It's...bittersweet.

I'm gonna go...probably play with Yuuki to wait for 2007 xD Lol. So, more later! Ja matta ne!

Mood: calm
Listening to: Dad talking on the phone

Okay. I really don't know what to make of this. I mean, when I got here on Saturday, things were great. They were really fun and...just great. Well, almost everything was, but I was super happy. Despite the fact that I got stuck babysitting, like always, things were fun. Getting locked out of the house was fun. But...I don't know. I mean, my family's got a lot of problems. It's not just my parents, but it's my aunts and uncles, my cousins, everyone. At least my parents are able to put on a good act over here. That's one nice thing. Not everyone else. Things are horrible. They just are. It's no fun. At least my parents aren't fighting here, but still...it was really nice being oblivious to all the things that went on within my family. I'm not anymore. Is it because I can understand more? Because they trust me enough to tell me and know I won't go and be stupid about it? Or is it just because as life goes on, you learn its harsh realities? Either way, I liked not knowing.

Christmas sucks. It does. Seriously. I wouldn't care if I didn't get any gifts for Christmas if it meant that things could go back to the way they were. If things could change...if they could go back to being how they used to be when my family got along. If my family could relive those moments, that would be the best Christmas. If there weren't any more problems with in my family for those two days that mean so much to us. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, if my family could just get along, everything would be perfect. All the gifts that I received this year, I would give them all back in a heartbeat if it meant that Christmas would be the way it used to be. If Omar, Yuuki and I hung out again, just the three of us. If I wasn't stuck babysitting the most annoying brats in the world. If I got to go out with my mom and my aunts again. If my family felt like a real family again. That would be Christmas.

But I want too much. I know that times change. I know that now, Yuuki and Omar have only enough time for video games, and not for me. All they can pay attention to is the television screen. I'm practically invisible to them. Honestly, I'm basically stuck babysitting Rolly and his stupid sister the whole time. That's not fun. They're too spoiled, they want too much. Because of them, I can't hang out with Omar and Yuuki anymore, the way it used to be just the three of us. We go to the mall, and guess what? Omar and Yuuki run off on their own and leave me to take care of the brats. The way things used to be, it was the three of us at the mall, getting lost and having the time of our lives playing hide-and-seek with our parents, but they didn't know it. Not anymore. It's just so...I don't know what. Boring. Not fun. All I hear is fighting, ya know? It's really...not good.

I know that Christmas is about being with family and that presents don't matter. They don't. Well, they do, but only because it shows you that people remember you. But like I said: I'd give it all back if I could turn Christmas into what it used to be. It's so different. During school, I always look forward to Christmas. Always. I always expect it to be bad, I really do. I know it will be; it gets worse every year. But know something? I can't really help but hope it'll be the most perfect Christmas. This year was the farthest from perfect that it's ever been. Except for the fact that I got more "Merry Christmas" calls and texts from my friends than any other year. And that really made my day today. Other than that, it's horrible. It's no more fun. It's not nice anymore.

Christmas...it just doesn't feel like Christmas anymore. I want it back! More than anything, I want my Christmas back! I don't care if there's no presents! But I want my family again! I want my family to feel like a REAL family again! I WANT IT ALL BACK. EVERYTHING!

That's what I want for Christmas. Apparently, I've been a bad girl. Either that, or Santa can't hear me. I've been asking for this from Santa for years. And I haven't gotten it. I'm sorry if I've been bad. And if I'm being punished, then fine. But couldn't I get coal, or no presents, instead of this? Oh well.

Merry Christmas to everyone. I sincerely hope that everyone has a brilliant, wonderful, and magical Christmas.

Mood: melancholy
Listening to: These Days - Rascal Flatts

Well. I slept most of the way over. That was fun, especially since I don't really remember the drive over. Actually, I do. I was HUNGRY. Really hungry! I didn't eat anything except for some chips and a strawberry milkshake. I didn't even get my cappuccino today! But it was okay. Before I go any further, let me start by introducing some people. It'll prolly be a long list, and some will probably be unnecessary, but what the heck, here goes:

Yuuki—my brother
Omar—super cool cousin (the three of us are always together)
Tia Chela—Omar's mom; super fun aunt
Rolly—an 8-year-old spoiled cousin
Brat—a spoiled 10-year-old cousin; Rolly's sister
Tia Chayo—Rolly and Brat's grandma (Betty's mom); super cool aunt
Betty—Rolly and Brat's mom; meanie head 26-year-old cousin

Let's see...we got here and...yeah. We got to see Omar right away, since he got to Tia Chayo's house at the same time that we did. We ate Pollo Loco...and oh my goodness, I don't think I've eaten so much at once in my life. It was a lot of salad, though, so I don't have to feel back xD Erm. But yeah, it was a lot. Then, we went outside and just played catch with the football for a while, until Rolly got tired. Rolly's eight and he weighs...well, more than Yuuki, and just a few pounds less than me. That's kind of a big deal...but I'm not saying I'm heavy xD It's just that I'm 15 and he's eight. Yeah.

Anyway. Then my mom, Tia Chela, Omar, and Yuuki went to the mall to buy a present for Rolly. It sucked because I had to stay home and baby-sit the two for a long time. After they left, Brat wanted to go outside and look at the flowers so we could water them. We asked Rolly if he wanted to come with us, but honestly, he's pretty lazy, and he spends his whole time inside playing video games, eating, or watching television. So he didn't want to. Well, we're at California, and I wasn't exactly going to let a 10-year-old girl go outside on her own, right? I figured Rolly would be okay playing video games inside, since it's what he does. Carol and I left through the backdoor, and we watered the plants real quick. Rolly decided to follow us out, and he took the backdoor, too. Stupid head. He locked it on his way out. The front door was locked; the back door was locked; as far as we knew, every window was closed; the keys were inside since I didn't think Rolly would choose to be stupid and lock us out; my cell phone was inside since I didn't want it to get wet and I didn't think I'd need it for anything important. Nice. Well, luckily the kids are spoiled and Brat had her cell phone with her. It was an actual cell phone, not a firefly, but an actual cell. Yeah. So she called Tia Chayo and told her Rolly locked us out of the house; Tia Chayo said she was on her way over, so we shouldn't worry. Well, it was a long time, and we got tired of waiting. Plus, the kids were hungry. We checked around back, and as it turns out, the window for the playroom was open. We had to remove the screen for every window in order to find an entrance, but it was there. It was barely open, but we could fit our fingers through the crack in order to get it open. So, when my aunt got here, she didn't find us outside and she got worried. But it didn't matter. She only went to drop off some donuts for the kids…and me xD Erm. Yeah. So I was stuck babysitting for a long time. After Rolly locked us out, I was pretty mad. It was funny, but honestly, I didn't think any eight-year-old lacked the common sense to know he should leave the door open if no one's in the house to open up for you, especially if you don't have a key. Oh well. Other than that, things were normal and uninteresting. But it's all good xD Erm. I guess more later then! Ja matta ne!

Mood: delighted
Listening to: All my cousins talking & playing

Ohkay. This is gonna be a super quick enytry, since I'm gonna go work on my cheat sheet for Desai's test tomorrow. I gotta see what I need most help on...hopefully all I'll really need to worry about is the stupid meiosis cells that produce two DIPLOID cells and THEN four HALPOID cells. Grr. Stupid tests xD And the macromolecules. I forgot that stuff.

Omg. It SNOWED today! SNOWED!!

It was a big deal! Between seventh and eighth periods, it started snowing outside. I felt sick ALL DAY, and it didn't exactly help that it was so cold outside. But when I saw it start to snow on my way into biology, I ran in and shouted, "It's snowing! It's snowing!" Desai didn't believe me xD He gave me a look and said, "No way." I'm lucky there weren't too many people in the class; everyone who was in there stared at me like I was crazy, too xD But seriously, we were all super excited. Desai stepped outside because he seriously couldn't believe it was snowing. But it was! It was snowing! And snow actually piled up at my house, but it's gone now. That's too bad.

Oh. Yuuki left for his Greand Canyon trip today. That was good, because I know he's having a lot of fun! He's lucky; there's a LOT of snow up there.

Aside from snow, DAVID'S BACK!! I missed him so so much! It's insane how much I missed him. I haven't seen a lot of him, but I'm really glad to have him back. It feels nice. I seriously love that guy, so yeah, I love that he's back.

I'm sick. That's no fun. But luckily, I'm not stressing about my finals for tomorrow. Well, maybe my first one; stupid JJ hasn't called me and I need his help on the poster! But it's all good ^^

So everything's fine! Other than I'm sick xD That's never fun. But it's okay! More later! Probably on Friday, when I'm not busy studying for finals nd when we're done packing for Cali. Ja ne!

Mood: happy
Listening to: Some Japanese show on TV...

Today was a super happy day! All day, I'm glad to say! Yesterday wasn't. Actually, the past week really hasn't been great, so I'm really glad to see that things are looking up. I've got my ups and downs and downs and downs, but I like the ups best.

Yeah. I was happy. And I wish I could stay this way. So, I'm gonna try my best to keep to that. It's close to Christmas, and the last thing that I want is to be miserable on Christmas. Today, Mr. Rod told me that he likes to see me happy. That made me insanely happy! Lol. I had walked into his classroom laughing my head off. Seriously. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

Today, we made babies in biology! Lol. My partner is Robert (and he's hot xD) but anyway, we were done, and all we had to do was draw our baby. I pulled out my Spanish notes so we could rough draft it there, and he kinda started making fun of his Spanish teacher. "You have to conjugate, mijita!" OMG I started laughing so hard when he said that! I absolutely exploded. You know how sometimes that'll happen, when one person says something, and you start laughing but you just can't stop and you keep going? Well that's what happened. It didn't help when Matt came over and told us how ugly his baby turned out (his had a super bushy monobrow xD)! But it was great. So I laughed from the time Robert said that, which was like five minutes before the announcements came on, up until...well, way after the bell rang, that's for sure! Let's see...from the time I started laughing until the bell...that must have been about ten minutes, maybe a little over. Then we walked over to Rodriquez, and I still couldn't stop (it's a long walk, and when you're laughing so hard that your stomach hurts and you can't really keep your balance because you're ready to fall laughing, it's hard to walk from one end of the school to the other). That was when he told me he likes it when I'm happy. And I still kept laughing. Then we left, and Rodriquez started singing, and that...well, it led to more laughing xD He wasn't singing bad, it was just super funny at the time. Well, I would have laughed at anything at the time. I swear that if someone had said a word as stupid as "pie" I would have fallen to the floor laughing. But yeah, I laughed for a super long time. It was more than a half hour, though, I know that. Nonstop. That hurts xD But it was good. I love laughing and smiling and being happy. It's been a while since I've actually felt this perky!

But despite feeling so perky, I'm half asleep. So, I'm going to bed! Oyasumi!

Mood: happy!
Listening to: Yuuki and Omar talking on the phone

Ohkay. I can't believe some of the stuff that's gone on. Since I'm super sleepy and I'm too lazy to type it all, I'll just put up an email I sent to David (who's finally gonna be back in January! YES!).

I have a crush on JJ. And JJ's the president of the club. Another officer of the club has a crush on him, too. Actually, it's gonna get complicated, I'll just be more specific with names. I had a crush on JJ. SHE has a crush on JJ. Problem. SHE's managed to become close to most of the girls in the FFA, and they'll always side with her. Well, a while back, people told her things about me that made her hate me. And people told me things about her that made me hate her. We never showed it, though. That's not nice. Anyway. We fixed the problems, and we're cool. But everyone else is still trying to create drama. Okay. On Thusday, the FFA went caroling at Safeway (it was a national thing...every Safeway in the nation had some special Christmas event going on on December 7th, and the Safeway in Nogales had Christmas carolers and Santa Claus). Well, some of the FFA went; I didn't go. But you know that Monique loves to sing, right? Well, I had told her the week before that she should go caroling, that she'd be allowed to, even if she wasn't in the FFA. So, she went. The other girls who went caroling (most of them were juniors) didn't really appreciate it; the teacher told me that they thought she was a snob just because she knew how to sing (the girls tell her everything). She was just making sure that Monique had a good time. Which, thank goodness, she did. But here's what made me mad and sad and just...it totally brought me down, I can't even describe how horrible I was feeling. They didn't just dislike Monique because she could sing really well. They disliked her because they thought that I had "sent her". They thought that I had sent her to spy on HER and JJ. There were SO many reasons that that upset me. First of all, they shouldn't have said something like that without solid proof, ya know? I mean I didn't even KNOW that JJ was gonna show up and go caroling! Second, I couldn't believe that they could make a statement like that when I thought they knew me better. I wouldn't send my best friend to spy on ANYONE! I know that she loves to sing, and I knew that she'd have tons of fun caroling there. I had NO ONE'S best interests in mind but Monique's. I only told her about the caroling because she's my best friend and I know that she'll take any chance to sing, so why not let her take that one? Third, I couldn't believe that they would think I was so desperate to be with JJ. To send Monique to spy on him? Come on! I'm not so pathetic that I would do something like send Monique to spy on those two for my own selfish reasons! Fourth, they shouldn't make judgements that go past their knowledge of who I am. And yes, this is different than the second reason. They don't know me! If they did, then they'd know that I wouldn't care! Even if I did like JJ, the most that I would want is for him to be happy! And even if I DON'T, that's all I could want because he's my friend. If he's happy with HER, fine, it's his decision, and if he's happy, then I shouldn't care! I want whatever makes him happy! I wouldn't want to hold ANYONE back from getting what they wanted, especially a friend! Fifth, I was just completely shoked to hear it. I couldn't believe that they would go and say things behind my back when they put up such a nice front. They have to go and be sissies about it, they have to go and be cowards! I couldn't believe that I had trusted them and they betrayed that! I couldn't believe that ANYONE could be so FAKE, ya know? I always thought that EVERYONE was so much better than that, regardless of who they were! Apparently not. That that's the sixth reason. I was snapped into reality in the harshest way possible. The real world isn't very nice, and betrayal can hurt a lot more than I thought. They ruined the way that I view people, the way that I think. Finally, they should just flat out make sure they have their facts straight. For all they know, I might not like JJ anymore. I'm not saying I don't but for all they know, I could have changed my mind. Besides, with him, there would be too many problems within the organization. There are enough problems as it is, and he's indirectly involved. Things would change, and I would have no chance of becoming president next year. Not that I have a good chance now, since so many people favor HER and absolutely despise me to a point that they wish I wasn't in the organization anymore. It's just that if I did get president, I'd be dealing with too much next year from those girls; they would say that the only reason I was voted president is because I was with JJ (for a while, he liked me too). He was smart in telling me that he had feelings for me but that he didn't wanna be with me. And I think that it was good for me, too. Anyway. I'm pretty easy to manipulate. I'm pretty easy to take advantage of. And apparently, it's fun to watch me suffer. If I could see it from someone else's eyes and not my own, I might agree. I might agree that watching the person that I am suffer might be interesting. Just to see how she reacts to situations. Just to see how easily she breaks down. I'd love to see myself react. Then maybe I'd know why people love to watch me squirm. But I can't. I can only see it through my own eyes, and from that perspective, it hurts.

Yeah. Oyasumi!

Mood: sleepy
Listening to: silence