Jey is getting here in a few minutes.

So much drama. And I create it for myself. Go figure that one, huh? Oh well. I guess I'll just have to live with it...I mean...there's nothing I can do about it. And quite honestly, I refuse to fix it. I've tried to. And I don't know that it's possible. So I'm just tired of making those attempts, those many failed attempts in hopes of fixing something that just...can't be repaired.

I say that I'm done. I never really am. I can never forget about it. I can't just brush it off.

And...I'm so grateful to Jey for being able to deal with that. I'm so grateful that he can deal with me. He shouldn't have to. And he's always there to listen and to comfort me. If I ever need to vent and scream and shout and cry and curse...he's there for me. At my very worst, he is still faithful. And I know that it'll stay that way.

But he deserves better.

I'm not what he deserves. I'm a terrible, horrible, emotional mess who never takes his advice when I know it's for the better and as a result I only make matters worse so that I have to go and complain to him more and the cycle repeats. Who deserves that?

He's here.

Mood: melancholy
Listening to: Silence

Hm. I'm happy. I feel very accomplished. Well, sort of. Not quite yet :) I've got some English work to do. But I'm pretty much done with my government study guide, which isn't due until Tuesday. We're reviewing tomorrow, though, so that's good; I've at least got all my answers.

School tomorrow...and I kinda don't wanna go. I'm not entirely used to it yet. Executive meeting after school. Then...I might start staying after school fo A+. Not entirely sure if they've got my class up yet. Eh. Silly schedule problems. Good gosh.

Oh. So...Rousseau. The philosopher. He was a very disturbed man, I would say. He had some good ideas...sorta kinda...it's like socialism...but he would...expose himself to unsuspecting young ladies in dark alleys. Yes, we learned this in my government class. Well, just four of us. Five, if you include the teacher. It was a group project :] Yeah, we found that out from internet research. We didn't believe it. The teacher typed "Rousseau flasher" into the search bar. I thought that was interesting xD

JJ just called xD More later. Ja!

Mood: happy
Listening to: Jey on the phone <3

I am extremely happy right now. With pretty much everything <3

I just got off the phone with Jey not too long ago. He's calling back :P And of course, he makes me happier than anyone else. I love talking to him, and I love how we can be stupid. Well, how I can be stupid. Ha XD We were talking about school and government. Then we switched to commercials. I like the Gamestop commercial with the bunny. That's awesome :P

Yesterday, I went to watch Step Brothers with Monique! It was awesome! We hadn't hung out in a long time, just me and her. So it was really good to get to spend time with her and catch up on everything. Of course, we could have talked for hours longer. But...it was late. The movie...it was alright. I mean, I don't think I'd go and watch it again unless I had to (or if I was asked to go). But I'm glad I watched it at least once. And I guess we don't look 17. The security guard kinda gave us a hard time when he took our tickets. Oh well.

School...I'm extremely happy. I seem to be managing my time well this year. Knock on wood. I'm mostly done with my government study guide which is due Tuesday; I just need to fill in a couple of pages. And I'm done reading the chapter...the reading is also due Tuesday :] As for English, I'm ahead in the summer work, and the first assignment isn't due until...two Mondays from now. That's Oedipus Rex. And I'm done with that. I feel really good! I guess the only thing that's stressing me out is A+. I wish I didn't have to take it. Yucky. Oh well. I will admit that I'm glad I'm taking art.

And I'm glad I decided to come back to this. Because I really do miss writing. After I start...it's just...I don't wanna stop. And...I don't know. I love it so much. Now I just have to go back to all my stories. I have to go back to all of my other works. Things that aren't journal entries. Pieces in which I subconsciously express myself and all my feelings, my thoughts, my ideas, my desires.

I went back to one of my old stories. I hadn't worked on it for a few years. Literally. And...at one point...there was a conversation between two charaters. Two very made-up characters. I guess I won't lie...I felt a strong connection to my female character. But the male...well, honestly, he just came from my heart. He wasn't based on anyone. Or...I didn't think he was. My point is...that conversation...was almost an exact copy of conversations that Jey and I have. When I read that again...the male character was JJ. Some of his words to her matched Jey's words to me...verbatim. Keep in mind...this is before we were close...before I knew him. For me to see that was strange. It really was. But...I guess it showed me just what I've always wanted in a guy. And...it proved to me even more that I've found that with Jey. For my character, a mere figment of my imagination, a creation of my mind, to so closely resemble him...it was a big deal for me. Because it exists. What I wanted to find...it's real. And I never thought that I would find it. But I'm so glad to know that it's completely real. And it's not just a part of my own made-up fantasy.

Hm. Enough rambling. I think...I'm going to go read that story again. Or surf the web. I don't know which. I'll find some way to entertain myself XD

Mood: happy, sleepy
Listening to: Silence, once again

So today was a very good day :) My schedule actually did get changed. Care to see the new one? I'll give it to you anyway.

1. AP Calculus - Gale
2. Agriscience II - McLaughlin
3. Advisory - McLaughlin
4. Intro to Art - Fontes
5. AP English 4 - Bristow
6. Lunch
7. AP Government - Barter
8. Journalism - Falkner
9. A+ So, that's that. My lunch was changed, so now I get to spend time with my close group of friends <3 And I have calc first period, which is awesome :)

Uhm. I'm going to keep this journal entry short. I do have a reason for it. I just won't say. More later.

Mood: indifferent
Listening to: No comment

Yes, the color scheme is bad. I actually did that in quite a hurry. This is the result. In decided I would just have to change the layout. I used the same basic idea...just changed the image and color scheme. Played around in Photoshop. Enough of that.

I'm stupid. I pretty much cause my own drama. Or...I let things get to me when they really shouldn't. Forgive me for that, please? I'm not very happy. I'm under a lot of stress. Don't ask why; I'm actually caught up with pretty much everything. I'm on task. In fact, I'm ahead in my schoolwork. I have a concussion. I'm worried about whether or not my aunt will get the house. I'm worried because my uncle might move here. I think I have reason to stress.

I'm not taking it out on anyone, I don't think. I vent. But it doesn't mean I yell at people. Just to them. Which really is entirely different for me. And I guess I wasn't even really yelling during lunch. I thought I was.

I have an immense amount of patience for people. I really do. But there are certain things that just...I can't stand. And at this point, I'm not sure if it's just my imagination, if I'm overreacting, if I'm looking too much into things. I'm not sure anymore. This will be my fourth year of this...honestly, what on earch am I supposed to think at this point?

Only the second day of school, and already I sense some tension. I sense hatred. Of course, I should be used to it. I get it from the most important components of my life: school and home. I go to school. I feel it there. I come home. I feel it here. Wonderful, wouldn't you say so?

The schedule at the high school is an absolute mess. The old principal came up with it, and honestly, it really should have been looked over much more closely, because there are so many scheduling conflicts. I'm always 15 minute early to my AP English class, because of that, the class is cut short, and it's only a 40 minute class (probably shorter). Then I get to my Agriscience class, and I'm about 10 minutes late, again, because of the scheduling conflicts. Makes no sense, right? That just goes to show how absolutely ridiculous this new schedule is. The school newspaper is doing a story on this, and you can bet that we're writing an editorial. There's no way we wouldn't comment on something this big. It's the second day of school, and they still don't have the schedules figured out. By tomorrow, they're supposed to have them. Well...I have a feeling that my electives will interfere with my AP classes. Honestly, that was a big mistake on the school's part. They should have looked that over before making the master schedule. Now they either have to do it over or extend the lunches. I suggest the second option, as it doesn't interfere with anyone's classes. Who needs a 50 minute lunch period, though? Honestly, it's a waste of time, and this schedule is a waste of ours.

Forgive my cynicism.

I wanna scream my heart out and cry my eyes out. I want...I want to be able to let all of that go...so that I can start living in the moment. I really do want to try. But everything is so much easier said than done.

Hopefully JJ will be here soon. He promised me he would listen tonight. And...I'm tired of venting over the phone. I want to be with him. In his arms. Yes, as cheesy as it sounds. But when I'm with him, I feel safe. Like no one can touch me. I feel protected. Because he is my protection. When I'm with him...no one can hurt me. Absolutely no one.

Mood: tired, upset
Listening to: The thunder outside <3