Oniisama e... (and anyone else reading this..)

What a weekend!
Monday, May 21, 2001 10:52 a.m. Finally met the nekosagi nyo nyo and jan-chan, i must come up with a new henshin sequence for it. *sighs* it's times like this where i wish i had a secret sidekick in the form of a rabbit or a cat or a kero-chan (even if he does have a cro magnon forehead ^^) to tell me the right words.. hmm....

i got a super spatula of doom (dooooooom-- in mrs. dithers voice :)) from the nekosagi ^^ also got an issue of ciao (how i'm going to carry it on the plane is beyond me... X_x;) oooooh, the spatula BARELY fits in my duffle bag! barely ^^;;; some my melody gum and a button for my bookbag, a cute little patch for my bookbag (as if it needs more covering. X_x;)..

iskandar and i listened to all of harry potter on the trip to and from chicago. i forgot just how good that book was. oooooh i love harry potter.

and if you do nothing else before you die, watch laputa! it's SO wonderful! :)

i think i'm going to go explore now, or something. i need to run around outside (even though it's stormy.. X-x;) bai bai!

your beats are at the office, sir
Thursday, May 17, 2001 04:05 p.m. that's what's in my head right now. that annoying as hell, but really cool song ^_~ i get to meet nekosagi nyo nyo tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. we really need a word in english for "the day after tomorrow"-- we have it in japanese, but i don't know it yet X-x;

life's ok right now. there are cute little chipmunks and yellow squirrels and crows and ravens and water bugs and all sorts of really neat animals here to look at.. and streams and trees and mushrooms and other happy things ^^ i'm sleepy b/c i had trouble sleeping last night.. i kept waking up at like 2 or 3 or 5 or 6 and feeling like it was 10:00 am... so i got up around 6 and got ready for the day :) this little bunny needs a nap though...

i guess i'm going to go scan pics, so bai bai!

nightmares suck
Monday, May 14, 2001 08:59 a.m. i had my first nightmare in a very long time last night. i'm absolutely certain that it was caused by that crazy movie i watched last night. (i told my neighbor christy and she said it was probably the x-files i watched last night too @_@;; but i know it wasn't x-files b/c real life stuff doesn't bother me nearly as much as animated b/c i actually dream in animation)

anyway, in my dream, felis-chan was a murderer, and she was plotting to kill her parents. we were living in my little brother's room for some reason, and i was the only person who knew that she was going to do this.. so she locked me in the closet (there were no doors in the closet-- but i had seen a movie about the closet (in the dream earlier) about this five year old girl who committed suicide with a crescent moon necklace-- she made a home video of it and was rapping until she actually choked herself to death) and there were posters in the closet, and i was screaming and pulling the posters down-- yelling for someone to please help me.

after i finally got out, i went on campus pipeline (the school server we use at UNCG) and was trying to find a mailing address for the campus FBI... so i wrote them a letter and they sent this guy to protect me and get involved. he put me (at my insistence) in a body bag (that was actually a plaid woolen sleepingbag, but it was a body bag in the dream) and i was filling him in on the details. i was using one of the school macintoshes to show him evidense, and felis-chan comes up and sees me in the body bag and doesn't think anything of it, but she's looking at me with malice and she tells me she's going to stay somewhere else for the night. i feel relieved for a second, but then i realise it's probably because she's hired someone to kill me in my sleep. so i go back to my room and i have two spatulas in my bed with me (i actually have two, one is for a friend @_@; and i actually felt the difference between the two ^^;;;) and a newspaper with stuff to read (but i was too scared to read, so it was upside-down) and i was turning my lights on around my bed but for some reason they didn't work. (i needed to plug them in (genius that i am @_@;)

then james simpson (a guy from a play i was in years ago.. he was a real stupid guy, bigger than me, and really tough, or so he pretended to be) was coming in the room with bags of stuff. i was in my room in my house, and apparently this was where felis-chan and i had slept. he was getting his stuff on the bunny dresser (the one i painted) but it was a bed in the dream. while he was distracted, i ran out the door and i was running and crying and... it was like i was in that movie. i ran to christy's house (my neighbor) and the ligths were on, and she was crying in her hallway and her whole family was there... but she was so into her crying that she didn't notice me. anyway-- that was where my dream ended.. i was frightened, invisible, and being chased.

i'm still disturbed by it... and i'm wondering who was who in my dream. i know felis-chan is NOT a murderer @_@; and i know that i'm not really terrified of james simpson, and i know that christy would never ignore me when i'm hysterical... what a bizarre nightmare.. i woke up and i'm so thankful my little kiba was there b/c he helped me get back to sleep.

oh well, i have a house full of chores to accomplish.. so off i go!

Perfect Blue
Sunday, May 13, 2001 06:41 p.m. That movie scares me.

I've never been so emotional in the sense of screaming miserably and crying and actually being in a movie as much as that one. you know how sometimes you watch a movie and you're in the movie as one of the characters?

i mean, hell, i've always been sailormoon (well, not always.. maybe since i've seen japanese sailormoon, b/c i hated serena.. @_@;) except when she confesses her undying love for mamo-chan. *bleck* and watching FY, I was miaka. and watching oniisama e, i feel like nanako. so i have a great deal of empathy for the characters in each of these series... don't ever do that while watching perfect blue.

i won't see the movie again, but it was a very powerful film.

jan-chan-- felis-chan has a copy of zim! :) yes, felis-chan, i'd love to see it ^_~ now i just have to con kurisukun into copying oniisama e for you.. hmmm......

it's so good to have my own room... ^______^ but there's no ROOM in my room! i keep putting up posters, and they keep falling on me. and lyle keeps throwing things at me too, like my stuffed animals that i put in a net above my bed (yeah, i found a use for that purple net i found wai wai!)

i guess i'll write back when i feel better. i'm kinda numb right now from that creepy creepy movie...

randomness, oh randomness
Saturday, May 12, 2001 02:21 p.m. this is the first chance i've had to actually sit down in front of the computer.. and i shouldn't be sitting here on the computer because i need to finish unpacking my stuff.

on thursday erzsey helped me pack my stuff into my dad's van (which wasn't cleaned out for my stuff, like everyone elses' parents.. @_@;;) and of course, i cried the whole way home b/c i miss my friends. i also went to carowinds w/ kurisukun and trevor-kun and the rest of the drama troupe (who regard me as some famous celebrity or something @_@;;) it was neat, i rode one roller coaster, and it wasn't a particularly scary one. in fact, i recall looking down at the highest point and thinking "it's really pretty up here" before i went STRAIGHT down!!! @_@;

mearl's new layout irritates me a bit, mostly b/c i still consider damaru and her other characters a bit of mine as well. not the whole "it's mine and only mine" but... i did have a part in the creation, and i helped her out with ideas and such. i guess she'd be upset with me in the same way when i use "mearlchan" in my comic. *shrugs* i mean, i wasn't originally going to use "mearlchan" because we'd stopped being friends, and i didn't want to upset her by using her in the comic (for only good things, i'm not evil!) so i hit a HUGE road block and had mangaka block for a while...
that, and i guess i'm a little partial to the original designs of the characters. (especially cyran, oooooh! ^_~)

but i have my VERY OWN oishii bish for my manga.. as little and teeny as it may be, and as much as a procrastinate about it. i believe it will one day be wonderful.

lyle's been very helpful lately... especially at keeping fanboys away. (most fanboys flee when you tell them you have an invisible guardian) you know, i don't know if lyle is the same person as the invisible guardian who's been doing random as hell things, and putting things in my head, and other coincidences.. i keep getting these weird feelings (they're good!) about someone being with me when i'm alone.. and it's nice. but i still miss my friends...

today i chopped vegetables for about an hour. i hope to get around to making granola today too, and cookies maybe ^_~ i want to send some to jan definitely-- her cover band was a success ^_____^ i just wish i could have gone.. ;_; i'm going to go finish unpacking now.

oh, and jan-chan, i feel like a MEGA BAKA b/c i forgot to see zim last night.. of course, i got home around 10 or so... but i didn't tape it or anything!! ;_; if you get it before i get up there, can we watch it together? ^_~ (that's assuming you want me in chicago next weekend @_@;;) and as for your meaty pizza.... @_@;; i guess i'm glad i wasn't there. hee ^_~

bad karma...
Tuesday, May 8, 2001 10:17 p.m. oh grife, i think my bad karma is rubbing off on everyone. i hope acen doesn't completely flock b/c of this bad kate-chan karma thing. X_x;

i'm still going to indy ^_~ and i'm really looking forward to that.. but i have to get through these next few days. sad, sad days for bunny girl.. gosh, i don't think i've ever cried so hard in my life! (well, minus the utena movie, or.. ok, maybe i cry hard a lot @_@;) i mean, crying over a missed convention is stupid compared to crying over a dead loved one or people who are leaving.. or realising-- hell, i'm going to another country for nine months, and missing out on school and friends and when i get back, bill and jenni will be done w/ grad school and.. yeah, it's SO hard for me!

i gave my bunny ears away today to a friend, otilia. she was commenting how she'd miss seeing them on campus and how everyone will miss me.. so i said "here, you wear them"-- and they're SOOOO cute on her! i have other ears, but those are my broken in, dirty, messy, i've-seen-it-all ears. i'm very attached to them.. i felt a bit disenergised when i handed them over... but it's to a good cause, and i have other ears, and life goes on. maybe it's putting good karma in elsewhere.

i don't like "karma"-- i like "kokoro" better. karma sounds too buddhist.. i don't know if i believe in buddhism anymore.. i'm into this whole usagism thing. when i get serious followers, according to my roomie's b/f, i'll have a real religion; right now it's just a personal philosophy. whatever ;)

felis-chan and i are going to have a long talking-to assuming she comes back tonite! @_@;; i give her a little dinky card and a little porcelain panda.. and she writes me this gorgeous poster w/ her and me, and draws all over it, and has all these little things that we only talk about, and she gives me her friggin chibi seiya doll (petite soldier-- i've been wanting one for YEARS.. and i finally found one on e-bay, and i could actually afford it.. but she hasn't been here for me to argue w/ her about it, so i didn't bid on it. X_x;) i mean, i feel like crud (well, not really.. i feel all warm and cuddly inside ;) b/c i have a really great roomie ;)) b/c i didn't get anything rowen-related or whatever. and sometimes i bitch and moan to my friends b/c she's not as purist as i am. (gundam wing-- DUBBED??!?!?!? X_x oi, felis, you killed your roomate... *lyle does CPR* ok everything's ok) i guess living w/ people is one of those things that just takes adjusting and giving and taking. my old roomie and i had that, but we just had no communication. we were ok w/ sharing everything except underwear (i mean, not that she or i could fit in each others underwear ANYWAYS.. she's like XXXS and i'm L @_@;) communication is important. (felis-chan and i learned that.. @_@;; i mean, when you ignore someone, they don't know WHY you're ignoring them.. and then you feel all bitchy. X-x; course, i was PMSsing anyways.. X_x;)

today ian posted a PRETTY hotaru pic on the list :) it was PRETTY, non-explicit! wow!

jan, i hope things work out with you.. and i hope your hand (?) feels better. i'll bring cookies :) (bunny shaped ones! :) maybe some bunny-safe brownies for diesel ^_~ but i'll have to look for recipes :))

i should go to bed.. i'm EXHAUSTED.. and my eyes are tired from all the work they did today.. that bio exam, all those pictures, crying, etc. i feel better, anyone reading this, don't worry about me, i'm happy ^_~ a little down, but everyone has ups and downs. and blowing bubbles ALWAYS makes people better. :)

what else.. i had something else to add, but i forget b/c i'm just that bubble-headed. oh yeah-- i remember. i will NEVER EVER put up something melodramatic BEFORE drama starts!! i totally jinxed myself! i think i'm going to archive soon, and put up something entirely too cute for anyone's good, and get negative readers of my pita b/c it's just too bright and chipper.. @_@;;

everything happens for a reason, right?!
Tuesday, May 8, 2001 12:56 a.m. right?! right?!??!?!?!?

i just found out my plane ticket is a week late for anime central-- so i'm missing the con. but there's a reason behind this, a reason why i didn't notice that i had the wrong date.. there has to be. i'm going to go to bed now, because otherwise i'm going to stay up all night feeling stupid.

jan-chan, i'm so sorry.

namida ga tomarimasen (i cannot hold back tears)
Monday, May 7, 2001 11:14 p.m. i mean, i don't feel too terribly horribly bad.. i feel a lot better than i did a few hours ago.the utter realisation that chip is leaving tomorrow, and so is bill.. and bill's not going to be back when i return from japan b/c he'll be through with graduate school... my gosh, the tears just came and i felt like a big baby and couldn't stop crying.

i went back to bill's room and he comforted me for a while.. and we sat around in his empty empty room talking and then chatting in spanish b/c he's going to spain over break for twelve days. i'm going to try to see him when he returns because i missed him SO much over the weekend when i hadn't seen him for like five days.. i can't imagine..

there are some people that you just can't imagine living without once you leave them. i mean, i know chris and trevor are going to be my friends forever... and i know jenni and chip and erzsey and bill are too... i can't imagine living without them! i can't imagine having survived happily at uncg without them.. i mean, i'd be happy b/c i was in a new place, but i'd be SO lonely because i didn't have anyone really close to me, someone to hug me and tell me "it's ok to cry and miss your dog" and someone to ask me how i was doing when i was sick for that month. i mean, it was horrible! i wouldn't wish it on anyone. i spent so much time confused, having to re-discover myself!

and now that i've re-discovered myself, i'm going to be leaving my friends. it's such a horrid feeling. i'll feel better in the morning (after i've gotten all those tears out (diana's out for the night) and slept on it) doubtless.. but i'll probably replay my little crying bunny episode when bill's shipping out before my bio exam tomorrow.. shit, i need to study...

not fair.

i like my new layout ^^
Monday, May 7, 2001 01:33 a.m. i was considering kerochan, but it'd be a bit unfulfilling as my life has gotten more dramatic. you have to have some shoujo drama in your life, i guess. noelle-chan was too cute for real melodrama anyway.

so, this image is of St. Juste-sama of Oniisama E... (brother dear brother.. (i don't like the title in english.. X-x;)) St. Juste-sama is great.. although i kinda like kaoru no kimi better...
oh it's WAAAY past my bedtime now. oyasumi nasai!