np: The Song of Healing (from Majora's Mask)

GAWWDAMMIT!! How stupid can I BE? >.<

Okay, I got my math test from two weeks ago back. I got a nice solid B. Why? Because I'm STOOPit. Like, when the question asks me which solutions are POSITIVE (not in so many words, but what else could 0<(insert appropriate quadratic equation here) mean? >.<) Well, apparently to Lisa, the question had asked which answers are NEGATIVE. >.< So I gave the interval when x is LESS than 0. >.< Do you think maybe I'm dyslexic or something? Seeing things backward, stuff like that? Because that's pretty pathetic...

The rest of the problems that were wrong on the test had a myriad of other stoopit mistakes. I won't go into them now because I'm just going to get re~eally disgusted with myself as well as bore everyone out there to a mathematically induced death.

Yeah. Anyways.

I brought a teddy bear to school today. ^_^ It just felt like a bring-a-teddy-bear-to-school day. So I brought one. And Kix and Kenji, you will NEVER taint my perception of my teddy bear in any way, shape, or form. So THERE. :P

I'm progressing quite well on my college apps and stuff. ^_^ I'm just about ready to send in the basic information forms for ~all~ the private colleges I'm applying to. Coolness! ^_^ Right now, the privates I seem to be applying to are MIT, Stanford, Harvard, Princeton, Duke, and Rice. I threw out Caltech because it's ~much~ too engineering oriented and frankly, I'm not sure if I'm going into engineering yet, and I threw out Yale because it doesn't have an engineering program that I can see, and I threw out Cornell and Carnegie Mellon because they make you choose the college that you want to enter within the University beforehand. >.< That's why I'm ~applying~ to a private, people! So I don't have to make any decisions on what I'm going to be majoring in anytime before my second year! If I have to choose what I'm doing beforehand, I might as well save money and go to UC Berkeley. It's closer to home, too. (and I am applying to Berzerkely, and UCLA and UCSD, but I'm only going to one of those if I can't get into one of the privates.) And...what else? Yeah, it's all cool. People tell me I'm being very organized about my college apps. Do you know how SCARY that is? O.o

Tomorrow's wear-red-white-and-blue day. I'm going to have to be rather creative with my wardrobe. I don't own very much red clothing. ^^;; Maybe I'll just say screw the rules and just wear the red bandana to school anyways...

np: Adesso o Fortuna (orchestrated)

Well, well. Now I know precisely why.

Holy war is such an ugly thing. I can't understand how something like religion can be twisted around like that... But people have done it throughout history anyway. I guess human think in terms of cliques... Heck, I see cliques at my school all the time. It's my school's social system. And anyone outside the clique is either unimportant and so not considered... or an enemy. crap. Human nature sucks sometimes.

Kenji, you're right. Terrorism is a problem; we do have to be rid of it. I'm not prepared to say how much I will stake in getting rid of it, because I don't know. I don't know how far this goes, and I don't know how far to go. I do have to say I'm almost ashamed of how hysterical I've been lately in regards to all of this; but not really. I ~am~ afraid for the people I love now; the fact that the WTC could happen and did is the wake up call for that. Maybe I'm just growing up, facing the reality of day-to-day things that I've never had to worry about before... During Desert Storm, I was in elementary school. I didn't even know it was happening I was so sheltered. When I learned about it during history I was amazed that it had happened while it was still alive. I won't be amazed that the WTC happened in my lifetime, later. I think I'm old enough now to truly be aware of what things like this might be able to affect my loved ones and I... But you're right, Kenji. I don't have to be hysterical about it; I can fear, but not blindly. Hysteria is not constructive; it is chaos and anarchy. That is ~not~ what we need right now. I'm sorry to have contributed in any way to the chaos in this world right now; for now, I think all I can do is be a responsible citizen and stay calm and informed.

But it wouldn't hurt to wear red, white and blue too. ^_^ Tuesday, everyone who goes to MVHS! Tuesday's the red white and blue day! Wear it! It's not that hard, is it? If nothing else, we can show that cliques at our school ~can~ be bridged. ^_^

And I still haven't figured out where those six pounds went. O.o

np: some peppy song by Ai Maeda (I believe it's the Digimon 01 closing, but I'm not sure)

I just discovered something rather disturbing.

The beginning of this week, I was 126 pounds. I weighed myself this morning, and I weigh in at a solid 120 pounds. O.o Disturbing? Yes. Because I'm not on a diet.

And I'm getting terrible stomach aches lately. I hope it's not an ulcer. It might just be that I'm becoming lactose intolerant, but I don't know. This week is probably really messing with my physical as well as mental well-being. It's nothing compared to what others are feeling... Still, I'd really like to know where those six pounds went. I've been eating regular meals; it's not like I've been skipping any meals because of stress or anything... hm.

I was wondering why my pants seemed to be getting looser...

np: Rakuen (from Trigun)

Rakuen is playing and I'm ~not~ depressed out of my mind! ^O^ Progress. Maybe I will pull out of this...

I took a random survey thing that tells you what job suits you best. What did I end up with? In order, I got: astronaut, doctor, engineer, geneticist, lawyer. And it went on from there. O.o Interesting... I'm a nerd, aren't I? >_< I took another test that matches you to the character and crest from Digimon that matches you best. I got Hikari, with the Crest of Light. ...interesting. The characters that followed were Sora/Love, Jyou/Faith or whatever, Koushiro/Knowledge, Ken/Kindness. Cool. Of course, then I took a Yami no Matsuei character matchup test and I got Hisoka. >.< Do I LOOK like an angsty introverted anti-social bishounen to you? ...don't answer that... ohwell... Dude, it's so nice to do something random and get my mind off of the events of the week...

np: Magical Labyrinth by Skirt (violinist of hamelin opening theme)

.......I....and I was starting to get better about this whole thing, too. >.< This morning, when i walked into third period, someone told me that one of my best friends had been in a car accident earlier in the morning while she had been driving to school. .......I think my mind pretty much froze up right there.

I found out that she was okay; but she wasn't at school the whole day. She was in the hospital getting checked up. I didn't get any confirmation beyond that of a second-hand sort that she was actually okay until I called her mother at lunch time. ......This was the worst week possible for something like this to happen.

I had been relieved (to my shame) that I hadn't had any loved ones in New York that day. But then I walk into third period and BAM. Sarah could have ended up in the same place as all those people in the WTC. .....I think any adolescent illusions of immortality I might have had are gone. I'm so glad she's all right... But if anything like this happens again anytime soon, I don't know how stable I'm going to be. There's only so much I can take...

I was talking to Amanda on the phone for a really long time, about Sarah, about the #*$& happening in other peoples' lives, about how worried we are about our friends and families. If there is a war, which seems more and more likely, it's OUR friends that are going to be going, our generation that's going to feel the loss. What really scares us is that some people actually WANT to go to war, join the army, because...I don't know why. I don't know. I can't even begin to understand. We're scared, and worried; we're scared because the area we live in is ground zero if a nuclear war ever starts. We're scared because all we ever had to worry about before was how we were going to get into our first choice college, and it's difficult to adjust to worrying about whether a nuclear war will start tomorrow. I hope, I wish that all I have to worry about next week is whether or not I can get my homework finished in time.

I found out from my father just now that his company doubled any money that was donated to the Red Cross through them; which, essentially, means that I just donated $120 dollars to some needy person on the other coast. ^_^ That's excellent. I really really hope it can help someone...

In other news, I got a 99/100 on my physics quiz. Uncurved. I missed that point because I forgot to write the answer in scientific notation. I should be overjoyed out of my mind, but I'm not. It doesn't seem so important anymore.

But then... I was talking to Amanda about other things. Like, what we wanted to do together with the other girls for senior trip. Or the road trip we want to plan for February to go down to Santa Barbara, maybe see one of our friends who goes to USC. Or her future husband (even though he doesn't know it yet. ^_~) Even if I do have to live with the knowledge that there's a very real chance that I won't be alive tomorrow, I can't let it get to me. I still have a life to live; I have lived a happy life up until now, and I can continue to do so. If I let myself. My friends are still alive right now; my family is alive, I'm doing excellent in school. I still have a life to live, one that will be fulfilling as I can make it to be. I guess I'll just have to make the best of the indeterminate time I have.

.......that's $*#&ing depressing. Hey, my father's set up the entire home theater system in our house! ^_^ He's sure not taking this too hard. We got the ni~ice speakers (5 speaker set with this large, powerful looking sub-woofer O.o) and the projector, and the receiver, and our PS2, and yeah. Looks like so much freakin' FUN! ^_^ Maybe we'll go rent DVD's tonight... that'd be cool...

Something tells me they're not gonna have the new Digimon episodes playing tomorrow. Oh well. That's okay. I can watch the news, and when I get tired of that, I can play old Digimon tapes and snatch a little happiness out of the day. ^_^ Then there's college apps. Still. >.< Something tells me that's going to be taking up a lot of my time for a while... Well, anything that takes my mind off all of this... I'm going to go doodle. I haven't doodled just for doodling's sake for the longest time. And doodling is therapeutic. ^_^ See Ken on the side? That was therapeutic doodling from a few weeks back. ^O^ Kee~eenn! Maybe I'll make a new happy layout... Ken'll probably find his way into it somehow. ^^;; Obsessed? Heck no. Really. And anyways... I'm to forget about all of this tonight. I'm going to enjoy a night with my family, have a nice dinner and maybe play a chess game before going to bed. I'll doodle, and do a little homework (maybe) and I'll listen to music, and I'll do things that I normally enjoy. .......otherwise I think I'll go mildly nuts. ^^;;

np: My Heart Your Heart (Oh My Goddess)

I just gave my father $60 of my summer tutoring money for the Relief Fund. I hope that that money gets someplace useful... Someplace a LOT more useful than buying me two more pairs of jeans, or maybe a few cd's, or something equally materialistic and useless. It's not really much, compared with the millions of dollars companies like Cisco are donating... But maybe that extra $60 will help. Who knows...

I wrote my NMSC essay. It's crap, because I practically tried to stuff it into 500 words with a crowbar, but it's done, it's all ready to be turned in, and I have all the other materials I need to apply for Finalist status. Cool.

I think...that I'm starting to truly regain my perspective. I'm not scared, or angry, or depressed right now. My head is strangely clear. All the new stuff on CNN... The suspected hijackers they pulled of the plane coming to LA from JFK, the government's confirmation that bin Laden was responsible, the reports of racial hatred toward Muslims that have already popped up...even the reports of all the money companies in Silicon Valley are donating to Red Cross... They're all starting to register as actual events to me, actual news events, instead of things that are happening on the other side of the television screen, horrible things I can't truly deal with and accept. I can accept these thing now; I guess I'm past the shock/denial stage. I'm a useful thinking citizen again! Joy. Maybe I can be a useful citizen and go make an appointment for me and my mom for donating blood. My daddy can't because he's on regular medication, and my sister's too young (and too light!) so it's just me and my mom. I hear the blood donation centers in my area aren't accepting anymore donors until September 24. Wow...

I'm worried, though. It really, really looks like war. It really looks like civilians in other countries will be hurt. And...oh, damn. Damn. Too many people dead/dying/will die. Why do people need violence as a stimulus? We don't do anything until someone's already hurt. Human nature, I guess; don't feel the need to do anything until something truly pressing is upon us... Damn. Oh, damn. I should keep my head. I'm not grieving for any loved ones; I should have my head on straight......

I'm going to sleep. I need to be awake before I think about this seriously anymore, and I'm sure not awake now, nor will I become any more awake by staying up and pondering this entire mess. If I've truly got my equilibrium completely back, I'm going to have to make sure I'm rested enough to take advantage of it. Sleep, sleep, sleep. I need SLEE~EEP!! ....and a nice shower, too. ^^;; I wish everyone in the world a nice, peaceful sleep tonight, because of all the things that people have wished for others to have lately, I'm betting that peaceful dreams are one of the rarer things. But I think it's something that's necessary for human sanity; we all need sanity in the world right now. I hope everyone sleeps well, and wakes up refreshed and ready to face a new day. Good night, and sweet dreams.

np: Suteki da ne by Rikki (FFX theme)

My mother says that she heard from someone that everyone should try to wear red, white, and blue tomorrow, to show the unity of the American people. I can do that. It sounds like a good idea. America ISN'T falling apart, and we might as well tell the world so.

And I found out that I ~am~ eligible for blood donation! ^_^ The thing about not being able to donate if you had been in England the last 10 years has one bit of fine print I didn't know about; it only applies if you were there for three months or more. I was only there three weeks. So I can donate!! ^O^ Well, as soon as the blood centers open again. Even my epilepsy won't prevent me from donating! ^_^ It's only if you've had a seizure recently, and I haven't had one for years. So I'm happy. And I'm gonna donate money too. I feel better. ^_^ I can't help the people who died, but I can help the survivors. And I will.

np: Target ~Akai Shougeki~ (wada kouji, of course)

it's so frickin' weird going about my normal schedule.

I've been doing everything completely normally today. I woke up this morning at 6:00AM. It took me a little longer than normal to drag myself out of bed, but I did. I had a cup of hot milk tea and a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast; CNN was on as I ate. I left for school a little later than usual, but not enough to hit the oh-my-gosh-school-starts-in-ten-minutes rush. In chinese there was a fairly easy chinese --> english translation quiz; my most vexing brain fart was my mixing up north and south; bei and nan. >_< nan=south. not north. I put it as north. ^^;; at least i got east right... umm... physics, quiz. Nine problems dealing with kinematics. I think I got the death problem right (the problem you HAVE to get right in order to get an A). English, discussed Brave New World, and I got the in-class essay I wrote for 1984 back. I got a B+; I didn't get an A because I didn't connect my body paragraphs back into the theme I was trying to prove enough. Actually, that's not all that bad for the first in-class essay of the year; once I get warmed up I'll probably do better...

ooh, i forgot. and I asked my math analysis teacher from last year if he would write my college recommendation letters for me, and he said yes. :) so i have my literature/social science letters taken care of (ms. kampf!) as well as my math/science letters. coolcool...

umm... Art. Art was cool. I got more of my project done; but it's due TOMORROW! >_< And I've discovered that EVERYONE I know has abnormal eating habits. >.< Kix, if you don't start eating meals with some consistency, I'm going to BUG you. That goes for everyone else I know, too! Whatever happened to breakfast in the morning, lunch at noon, and dinner sometime in the evening? >.< gah. not this, i'll eat when i'm hungry thing. It's ~unhealthy~, I tell you! Three meals a day, dammit! THREE! Or at least two, if you hate breakfast that much... But EAT! CONSISTENTLY.

...okay, yeah, anyways. Econ, got my test back. 95%. ^_^ dunno what i got wrong, though... Lunch, robotics officer meeting. Calculus, the usual; bio AP... Bio AP was INTERESTING. O.o We ran around in circles and timed ourselves. My half of the room ran a complete circle in 5.44 seconds. ^_^ Like, a big circle. With 20 people in it. What was the point? I have no frickin' idea. I think the teacher was just doing it to keep us awake. She does that periodically. Still, it was hecka funny. Andand... the person who sits in front of me tells me he thinks I'm on crack. ^_~ I'm not kidding! But he knows me from last year, so it's okay. I'm a friend of his girlfriend, too. ^_^

.....and through this entire day, a normal, slightly crazy, relatively productive day, the whole thing HITS me every so often. WTC. That seems to come up most in my mind. I didn't even know what the acronym stood for Tuesday. WTC. It's so...WEIRD. Everything feels normal, everything really IS normal for me, except for what happened on the other side of the country Tuesday. And everything that that has caused. It just throws me off. I'll be doing something I was doing in the exact same way just last week, and all of a sudden I'll realize that things have changed since last week, and I... You know, I always knew, intellectually, that I was living in a happyhappy safe little bubble here in the United States. I could always look at problems in the world with a sort of impersonal perspective, I could look at what has happened in the past and think, but that was the past, and things have changed since then. No more. No more bubble. It's gone, and I'm on the same plane as the rest of the people in the world now. I suppose I'll just have to learn to live with fear, just like most everyone else in the world. Well, I can do it. I can adapt. I can live my life just like I did before; happily and fully. Those terrorists can't take that away from me. I'll just be a lot more aware of things than before.

I'm going to use one of those Red Cross online donation thingies to donate money to the Relief Fund today. I need to figure out how much; I need to count out how much of the tutoring money from the summer I still have. Maybe $50? $100 maybe, if I have that much? dunno... we'll see... Meanwhile, I need to finish up my NMSC essay. It's due tomorrow, and it's the only part of the application that I haven't finished yet. See, whoever did all of this? You're not stopping my life. My life is not on hold, everything's going on as before. All you did was piss me and my fellow Americans and even people from other countries off, and completely end the lives of many many innocent people. #&*$ you. If you have a conscience, I hope you're suffering for what you did. If you don't... Well, well. That would explain a lot.

Butter-Fly by Wada Kouji (self-explanatory)

I refuse to think about the WTC thing right now. So there. Life goes on... For some people. ;_; Shit, I'm just gonna depress myself. Let's think about something else...

I still love Wada Kouji. ^_^ I'm slowly slowly learning how to sing Butter-Fly... And it's HARD. >.< I look at the romanji for what he's singing, and then I listen to what he's actually singing, and I'm like O.o;;;;; uh... Dude, I CANNOT sing what you're singing... sing SLOWER! Not like I can sing anyways, but you know... WHATEVER. Club Day went well. Relatively. Blew seven bucks there. ^_^ 3 dollars for sushi, 2.50 for pearl milk tea, 50 cents... .....ah SHIT. Rakuen just started playing on winamp. >_< Rakuen, Paradise, whatever. You know, the song where Wolfwood, from the Trigun anime, ...you know? Episode 23? ...crap, how #*$&ing appropriate. Halleluiah indeed...

I can't stand this anymore. (skips Rakuen) Beautiful song and everything, but I don't NEED to be depressed right now. My hormones sure aren't helping. Stupid period...sometimes it really sucks being a girl.

Hmm, where was I? Oh yes, Club Day!! 3 bucks on sushi, 2.50 on pearl milk tea (it would have been 3, but if you bought two it was $5, so I bought two with Judith-sweetie. ^_^), and 50 cents on a can of coke, and another 50 cents to buy a literary magazine. ^_^ hmm...where did that last 50 cents go? O.o umm....hmm... Well, yeah. Saw Jen today!! ^O^ She came over at lunch time, for Club Day. :3 Funfun! Andand I walked around carrying these two REALLYreally big PVC pipes, and it was funny, because they were like, twice as big as I am, and if I had swung around really quickly, I coulda pegged, like, eight people if they had been standing in the right places. ^_^ Fun. And I am TALENTED. I fit those things into my car! My small, barely-five-seater semi-sports car. ^_~ Ha. Ooh, and I'm HAPPYhappy because they FINALLY painted the road division lines on the road I have to go on to pick up my sister, so now I don't have to GUESS which lane I'm actually in. >_< That was not fun. Oohooh, and Phi wore her kendo uniform for club day, and it looked reallyreally cool! :3 I'd never actually seen one before; she couldn't bring her...whatcha call it, the...shinnai is it...? crap, I forget...that thing you have in kendo because it's a "fighting stick" and you can't bring fighting sticks to school according to zero tolerance rules. >.< Humph.

Ooh! I came up with two Familiar type creatures for my adventure club character! ^_^ Like summoned things, except...not. One familiar for healing magic, another familiar for defensive magic. I'm calling them Fibi and Chibi. ^_~ No, I don't know where I smoked those up from. It just seemed funny at the time. ^^;; Chibi's a cute little blue thing. Fibi's a fluffy pink ball of fuzz with wings for ears. You know the drill. ^_~ Shoujo critters...heehee...

gah. I have a physics quiz tomorrow. >.< And in my physics class, quizes are worth more than tests. O.o How does THAT work, you ask. My answer? My physics teacher is ~special~. ^_^ Must...study...physics... And I HAVE to write my NMSC essay tonight. >.< ickypoo. BS time... Then there's calculus...but I think I'm starting to understand this unit... except for the parts with proofs in them. >.< I was never very good at proofs...

Okay, I think I've regained my equilibrium enough to be able to tackle my homework. ^_^ It's amazing, the stories I've heard about the WTC thing... One of the teachers at my school had been in Boston the MORNING OF. She had been given a choice; either leave for San Francisco on the red-eye flight, 3AM...or the flight that would have been the one that crashed. O.O She decided she wanted to get home as soon as possible, so she left on the one at 3AM. She could be DEAD right now. >_< But she isn't, and I'm happy that she decided to leave on the earlier flight. It's amazing what such simple choices can lead do...

Otherwise, I don't really know anybody directly involved. Which I guess I should be thankful for. But I really wish I could do more... maybe I could scrape up some money to donate to one of the relief efforts, since I'm ineligible to donate blood... That's something to think about, actually. I have some tutoring money saved up... Yeah... Have to figure out how I can donate it. It's not like I can write a check. >.< Oh well, I'm sure they can accomodate me. Any money they get is good, right?

You know something? I should be scared, because Silicon Valley is supposedly one of the places in the United States that would probably be a target, if there were bombings or anything, since so much technology is developed and produced here. I'm not scared, though. It's weird. Maybe I'm in denial or something... Oh, well. There's calculus homework to do...no use worrying about what could happen. If a bomb does kill me, at least I'll have my calculus homework done. ^^;;

np: still CNN

I have the utmost respect for President Bush now.

His speech was beautiful. I saw none of the awkward language that I had so much fun making fun of before. He was perfect. He said exactly what I felt should have been said. I don't care if he's a Republican anymore. Partisan politics don't mean anything now. He's my president, and I'm proud to have him as my president.

I also feel very happy with the people at my school now. Everyone in all my classes was respectful of what happened, and had the desire to help. One girl I was talking to, who is the community service commisioner at my school, was talking about organizing a blood drive at our school in conjunction with the Red Cross. It might not happen in time to help, but still, the thought is THERE. They say that on average, if you donate blood, you save at least 3 people. We need more of that. And if my school will do that, it will make my opinion of the people at my school skyrocket to where it has never been before.

I'm not terribly angry anymore; but I'm very disturbed by something I heard from my parents. It seems that, with consistency, all of their coworkers who come from mainland China say that the United States should look to fix its faulty policies as a response to what happened. ....do you know how much that disturbs me? It actually made me cry. HOW could a HUMAN BEING say something like that in the face of what happened at the WTC? How could you ignore all those deaths and say, it's the fault of the United States? What the F#$* did those people in the WTC do? When I look at any wrongs the United States might have commited, and what happened at the WTC, it is clear to me who is in the wrong. I can't understand how ANYONE can say what those people from mainland China said. And at least two different people said the exact same thing, one to my mother and one to my father. It's the fault of US foreign policy? Really. Okay. Well, you know, I don't give a shit anymore. I never heard shit from any other country about the injustices of American foreign policy; even if there were problems with our policies, no one tried very hard to fix it nonviolently before they destroyed WTC...

Oh, #*$& them anyways. I am truly pissed now. I really hope they find who did it SOON.

np: CNN

I want to swear. I want to swear for a long, long time. Loudly. Offensively. And I'd want whoever's responsible for what happened today to hear me. And I'd want them to know that I think they're scum. Despicable. That the death of thousands and thousands is on THEIR conscience, that all of this is THEIR responsibility. No matter what grievance they have with the United States; I don't give a f-ing SHIT. The video of that cloud of dust and the people running and running and screaming is playing on CNN now. It just swallowed up the cameraman. Now I see a burn victim. No, I don't care what the people who did this to us think we Americans have done. They gave up the right of me considering their grievances when the crashed those planes into the WTC and the Pentagon. Now I just hope that they own up to what they did. Or else that the United States find out WHO did this, and deal with them. So that they can never, ever hurt people like this again.

I think the impact of all this started hitting me recently; most of today I was sort of walking around in a sort of dazed state, not really believing that what was happening was happening. I heard about it from a friend when I arrived in the parking lot this morning; it was horrifying, but it didn't really register. I had a calculus question for my teacher, but my friend was able to answer it. Then we were discussing it in all my classes-- we finished up discussions in English AP in record time so that we could listen to the radio for news. In Economics AP there was a test; it was easy. I went and helped to set up the robotics demonstration. At lunch, the demonstration went pretty smoothly. In biology, we turned on the radio and got onto the internet. The teacher suggested we donate blood. I really wanted to; but I found out that I was ineligible to donate blood in my area because I had been in England within the last 10 years. I think that's incredibly stupid; I do NOT have mad cow disease. I didn't EAT any beef when I was in England. I really wanted to do something, and donating blood seemed like the only thing I could do. Maybe I'll call Red Cross and see... Maybe their policy has changed...

It started hitting me when I was alone, driving to my sister's school to pick her up. Even more when I heard a report from CNN on the radio: a recording of an eyewitness responding to the attack as it happened. It was horrible. It made it real to me. As soon as I got home, I turned CNN on. It's been on ever since.

I should probably do my homework. I will, eventually. I want to hear what President Bush has to say, though... I guess I'll leave CNN on. ...I really don't want a war. I really don't. I hope those who are responsible are only a small group of terrorists, who we can find and prosecute, relatively unviolently. But if they aren't... well. I think I trust the government to do what needs to be done. But I'm going to keep careful track of what's going on. And if I really don't like the direction things are going, I ~will~ be heard. I WILL. But for now, we have to focus on the people who were hurt. It makes me so happy to hear about the 5 hour lines at the blood donor stations; it renews my faith in human compassion. But still...

And I'm on the first full day of my period today; the WORST stretch in terms of mood swings and severe cramps. >_< What a day...

np: my sister's playing scales on the piano right now, so no mp3. ^^;; oh we~ell...

My mommy and I ~agree~ on something! ^O^ (if you don't want to read a rambling discourse on economics and human nature, skip the next paragraph. ^_~)

I was explaining the difference between socialism, communism, and capitalism to my mommy. (yes, socialism and communism are different, for those of you who don't know. communism is actually a ~good~ thing, but no country in the world has ~ever~ been a truly communist country; they stalled out at socialism. and yeah, anyways...) Both of us agree-- we are happy happy capitalists, because we both agree that human nature is basically self-interested, and capitalism is the economic system of self-interest. (self interest is not necessarily "greed," which is excessive wants, but we think human beings' ~first~ priority is to look out for their own well-being and contentment. I repeat, this is ~not~ the same as greed. Choosing to do good deeds for other people to make yourself happy and at peace with yourself is self-interested, because you ~want~ to be happy, but it is certainly not greedy.) It went on from there, but I won't bore you with it. It's just nice that my mommy and I agree on something! Our philosophies don't often coincide. ^_^

eeeeee!! CLUB DAY is on Wednesday! O.O And I have a robotics demonstration tomorrow! Good news: I am prepared. Bad news: I have an economics test tomorrow. And I have physics and calculus homework to do. And my period started!! ;_; (guys reading this pita: O.o ummm.....we're going to leave now...) When I get my period, I get CRAMPS. And I get TIRED. And I get DEPRESSED. I don't get PMS-y as others might define it; I get DEPRESSED. And MOODY. And I start writing in CAPS like this because I FEEL like it dammit! ;_; okay, maybe I do get PMS-y... but in a nonviolent, moody way. ^_^ Did I mention my mood changes quickly? Is that the same as moody?

Now that I've scared all the guys away, I found that elusive copy of my college resume that I made over the summer! ^O^ Yaa~aayyy!! Means I don't have to do all that work over again! And it'll be a lot easier to write my college apps. And that stupid stupid NMSC app (national merit scholarship) that I have to write that stupid stupid essay for too. >.< Grrr. Papework.

And I managed to stuff the PVC pipes into my car. ^_~ Oh~h, yeah. I rule. Actually, my dad rules. He showed me how to stuff the things into my car. ^^;; heehee. anyways... I shall leave you today with a quote from my physics teacher, Mr. B. We all love Mr. B. ^_^

"So 9.8 twinkies per ding dong? No, wait, ding dong SQUARED."

^_^ Like I said, we all LOVE Mr. B.

np: 2-top (Daisuke and V-mon)

Ha-HA!! I have conquered the evil epsilon and delta! HA! Calculus, my defeated foe, I forgive you your transgressions, as long as you don't do it again! Repent, fiend! Repent, I say! REPE~ENT!!

Everyone: o.O;;;;; yeah....(backing away slowly...)

Heehee, Daisuke and V-mon are so~oo fun-happy! Just makes me want to give them a big happy hug! ^O^ (wait, that should be Ken. :P look what CG club meeting did to me~ee!! happyhappy Daike~enn!!) Anyway, took me long enough to figure out how that whole definition of what "close" is in mathematics worked. :/ I think it confused me because what it was trying to say was so simple. That and the epsilons and deltas. >.< Gah. Anyways, about done with that; after that, I should probably do econ and physics... Hm, think I'll have a cup of milk tea before I start on that...

Heehee, CG club meeting toda~ay!! Baked cookies! Sugar cookies (nummy!) and chocolate cookie pizzas! ^_~ (basically a gigantic chocolate cookie. ^_^) And yeah, and I FINALLY saw Jen again!! Ya~ayy!!! Saw Kix and Inji and Kenji too. Funfun! ^_^ And thanks to all the cookies, I'm on a sugar high right now!!!! Could you tell? Aren't we a pathetic club? We spent maybe 10 minutes of the 3 or 4 hours we were there actually doing drawing, as we should have been doing, since we ARE the computer graphics club. ^^;; ohwe~ell...

The LITERARY MAGAZINE IS DONE!!! wheeeeeee!!! It looks all pretty and everything too!! I rule. ^_~ Andand we got a prettypretty new chess set. ^O^ It's glass, and it matches our family room PERFECTLY, because our family is all white, white gauzy curtains and white marble around the fireplace and a white carpet and white leather couches and glass coffee tables. ^_^ And now, a pretty clear/white chess set! It looks so...picturesque! It absolutely delights my aesthetic sense. ^O^ lalalaaa~aaa... so pretty... And yes, we actually play chess with it. ^_~ We're a nerdy family...wait, no, an ~intellectual~ family. Right? Right. ^_~ Anyways... Better go do my homework like a nerd now. TTFN! Tata for now! *~~The wonderful thing about tiggers, is tiggers a...* (SMACK!)

owww...my singing isn't THAT bad...
inner voices: oh yes it is.

np: Tenshi no Inori by Ai Maeda

The NMSC application form is the most annoying piece of #&*$ I have ever had the dubious pleasure of filling out.

I have had to fill out my parents occupations no less than twice. I have managed to misprint information no less than four times. Granted, the latter is my fault, but I don't CARE. It's ANNOYING. And they want me to write an essay, print it out, and afix it to the application with "nonglare" tape. WTF is "nonglare" tape? And I have to submit my SAT score report to them. ONE report is $6.50. >.< My parents'll probably pay for it, but let me tell you right now; I ~abhor~ the College Board. Or ETS. Or whatever. I do NOT want to pay them anything else. I already paid them so that I could take all their stupid standardized tests, which favor rich people anyway. I'm sick of them. I want OUT! I'd be so freaking happy if I never had to take another freaking standardized test again...

That was therapeutic. I have a birthday party to go to now. Later!

np: some bg music from xenogears (pretty stuff)

My digimon recording messed up. ><;; Well, there goes my illusions of knowledge of how to program a vcr... Actually, I know exactly what I did wrong; I stupidly forgot to swtich the vcr to external before the recording started. ><;;;;;; eek. Well, the episode will probably replay soon anyways. And the only episode I messed up on was the first one; the second one I got RIGHT. ^_^

A~anyways... The literary magazine is being printed even as we speak! ^_^ I dropped the thing off at Kinko's, and I'm getting all 100 copies for about $90. ^O^ THAT is not bad at all. They're even stapling the booklet together for me, and I just go and pick up the finished product tomorrow at nine! ^O^ Does that rule? Oh yes, it rules. ^_~ As for the robotics fliers, that's done too; just need to post them around the school. (break out the duct tape!) Unforunately, that's all I've accomplished so far this weekend, of my EXTENSIVE list. >.< Still, not too bad. ^_^

Things that still must be done: NMSC papework, college recommendation letter materials, college apps, senior potrait pics, bio lab, read 2 chapters of econ, utopia writing assignment, kinematics problems, calculus assignment, studying biomolecules.

...somehow it doesn't seem so bad, listed like that. And i already bought the present for the party tonight. Needa wrap it though. One more thing on the list of things to do... That and take a nap.

"Sound Life" is playing! ^O^ Like the name suggests, it's one of those songs that gives you such a GOOD feeling. I'm planning on burning a "Sto~oned..." CD, which would basically be all of my happy stoned songs, of which I have plenty of. ^_~ Sound Life is ~kinda~ stoned... Other songs would be Adesso o Fortuna and Ali Project's Sanctuary and Ai Maeda's Tenshi no Inori. ^_^ Then there's all the pretty BG music I've found... From Lodoss and Trigun and Xenogears and PSME...and stuff. cool. Um, yeah. I'm being boring again, aren't I?

Oh, i was thinking about the adventure club thingy. Maybe we could have a group Pitas or something for it? Like bishie diaries or something? You know, be in character and...act stoned, or drugged, or however your character is supposed to act like. ^^;; There's this weird sorta novelty in having a group pitas... anyways... I think I'll go take a nappy now before I start on my homework. ^_^ Naps are very good. I like naps. Naps keep you SANE. (obviously I don't get enough of them. ^_~) later then~!