np: Butter-fly!! (wada kouji. need i explain myself any more? ^_~)

It's amazing what your favorite song popping up on your playlist can do for your state of mind. ^_^ I was getting kinda down; felt like I just was ~not~ getting anything accomplished today; then butter-fly pops up and i go fangirl waaa~aaaaiiiiii and then i don't feel quite so depressed anymore. ^_^ Well, maybe depressed isn't the right word. Discouraged, maybe. Yes, it happens even to me. ^^;; I have my own academic demons to face. >.<

BUT, I'm good now. ^_^ I think I'm finished with the literary magazine page; check one. That leaves my calculus, my picture forms, and my econ reading for my checklist of the rest of today. ....>.< sleep? what's that?

Oh, i haveta set up the digimon 03 recording for tomorrow morning! yes, i can probram a vcr. ^_~ took me a pathetically long time to figure out ~how~ though. >_< oh we~ellll... I must go tackle epsilon and delta again, now that I'm happied up. ^^;; Oh, on a final note: lisa now owns Chrono Cross!! ^O^ $20, new. ni~ice. ^_^ not like i'll have all that much time to play right now... but i have the option. that's all that counts. ^_^ anyway...lalalaa~aaa! Lisa will be productive now.

np: Adesso e Fortuna by Sherry (aka the happy stoned song. ^_^ it's so pree~eetyyyyy!!!)

I have a lot to do this weekend. A LOT. o.O

However, that is absolutely okay. ^_^ Because i'm so haa~aapyyyy!! I now have another Wada Kouji mp3! I thwarted stupid Tripod, which for some reason was NOT letting me download Wada Kouji's "Seven." :/ grrr. First thing I noticed was that somehow, tripod was adding some random nonsense onto the end of the url, which was preventing it from loading. like, ".mp3?l" or something like that. The hell? So I get rid of the ?l and I end up, not with a download screen, but with a streaming mp3 thing in Quicktime. o.O 'kay... So I let it stream, and when it finished loading, I went into my temporary interenet files, searched for the mp3 with the "find" function, and happily copied the mp3 OUT of my temp files and into my mp3 folder. ^_~ HA, tripod! You have been THWARTED! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

no, i'm not insane. really. i'm perfectly normal.

Oooh, heehee, i'm having fun making up spells for my character for the RP-like thing. ^_^ Since I'm the Healer/White Mage type person, I have all the healing and defensive spells; I think I'll also take Kix's suggestion and steal Carbuncle as my familiar. Carbuncle is ADORABLE!! ^O^ ok, anyways... I like my resurrection spell names the best. Life, I'm calling Rising Sun, and Full-Life, I'm calling Midnight Noon. ^_^ heehee! fun! I haveta come up with ~original~ equivalents of White Wind, Reflect, Defend, Shell, and Cure/Cura/Curaga too. ^_~ Heehee, i'm having so much fun with this... And my character's so much fun to draw!! She's so...HAPPY! but i really need to figure out what her personality is like when she's NOT stoned. >_< oh well. ki~ix, our characters are gonna have so much FUN together! ^O^

hmm, what else? oh, all the stuff i haveta do this weekend. >.< ewww....

Homework I must do: biology lab on fructose (such a fun word...), two chapters of economics reading, an english ap assignment in which I describe what would be my idea of utopia (basically, my perfect world), kinematics problems for physics, calculus assignment on the REAL definition of a limit (o.O what's with the epsilons and the deltas? I keep on writing epsilon wrong; backwards. >_< i don't THINK i'm dyslexic...), and studying all the biomolecules, because I keep on forgetting what makes a lipid and what all those different types of carbohydrates are. >.<

Paperwork I must cripple my hand with: fill out forms for the NMSC finalist competition, prepare materials I need to ask teachers for college recommendations, start on college applications and order my senior potrait pictures.

Tasks I must accomplish for clubs before Club Day: make flier for robotics demo, copy 100 copies of the literary magazine, FINISH the literary magazine (>.< have one last picture to finish...), and see if I can stuff two Very Large pvc pipes into my car. XDXD

Full weekend. >.< What's more, is that I have a party to go to tomorrow at 6PM, and I'm going to a happyhappy-everyone's-gonna-be-THERE!! ..CG club meeting on Sunday. It's cool, but that means I have less time to do homework, and it also means I haveta go present shopping. >.< doh. maybe i'll go tonight... Actually, for once I'm actually planning on doing my homework Friday night. >.< wow... tonight I think my calculus, the spectrum picture, robotics flier, picture orders, and economics reading. Yes, good plan. Now I just haveta stick to it. >.<

I use this diary like a planner, don't I? O.o I tell myself what I need to accomplish, and then I try to get them done. Actually, writing stuff out like this is probably the only way I'll get things done. ^^;; otherwise i'll ignore that the tasks exist. ;;;;;;;; yeah... anyways, guess i'll go work on my homework now. bye~ee!! inji, kix, see you sunday! kenji, monday! everyone else...how'd you find me? o.o

the macedamia nuts...they are calling me...must...resist... OOH! A TOKIO song started playing! ^O^ same people who did the Kodocha OP! He's going "WAHAHA!" O.o and a fiddle is playing. O.O and now he's YODELING. x_X And people think i'm nuts...

I have that strangely happy glow that I get whenever I think I did well on a test. In this case, it was the calculus test I had today that was, essentially, only a review of algebra, trigonometry, and functions. Yes, this was the material I was angsting over last night. ^_~ The test was almost too easy; the hardest problem was one where I had to graph something like this: y=-cot((pi)x)-2. I had a brain fart (my physics teacher's term, not mine :p) and totally forgot how to draw a cotangent graph; I was abnormally sensible and just skipped it and came back to it at the end. And by then my brain fart had cleared and I realized the period of the graph was ~1~, not pi, and I finished it up pretty quick. :) That was the only obstacle, and that makes Lisa a very happy camper. The only problem is, when tests are this easy, it makes me nervous. :/ It makes me wonder: "uh-oh. What did I miss...?" ^^;;

Oh well. That's over with, anyways. I just found out my economics poster isn't due until Friday. :/ WHY did I spend so much time working on it? I could've spent that time...sleeping or something. :p Oh well, at least it's almost done. I can't say the same for my physics homework. My notes on Chapter 2 (kinematics) are due tomorrow. :/ And my first lab is due Friday. >.< I WANT A TI-83+, DARNIT!! The way my physics class takes data for experiments is with all this fancy electronic equipment in conjunction with a graphing calculator, which records all the data (all 200 numbers o.O) in the experiment. Now, if you have a TI-83+ yourself, you can directly tranfer those 200 numbers to your OWN calculator from the one that took the data. However, if you DON'T own a TI-83+, you have to copy down all 200 numbers yourself. o.O THEN you have to transfer all of it to your computer so you can graph the data on Excel. O.O Can you say, "tedium"? Eesh. And even if I did get a TI-83, it wouldn't be soon enough to help on THIS lab. >.< wahhhh....

You know what? I am such a NERD. o.O I just spent the last two paragraphs ranting about my physics and math classes. meep. Okay, I'll talk about something else. Art was FUN!! ^O^ I spent an hour fiddling with the conte crayons, complaining about how I just COULD NOT force them to work right. My sketches of the still life just turned out looking like a child's crayon drawings. >.< Then somehow, all of a sudden, I figured out how the conte crayons worked and I suddenly was able to make something nice-looking with them! ^O^ WA~AI! I still haven't started the actual still-life though. Though I slaughtered three pieces of practice paper. I promised that I'd start on the real drawing tomorrow. ^^;; Hopefully...

Oohooh! Kenji brought me lotsalotsa Flame of Recca today!! Being me, I went straight to volume 29 and was traumatized by *****'s death. ;_; NOOO~OOOOOO!!! He can't die! He was too cool to die! I refuse to accept that he is dead, you hear me? I REFUSE!!

Voices in head (aka my conscience, for those who were wondering how psycho, exactly, I am ^_~): In other words, you're in denial.
Me: I'll be in denial if I want to be. Nyah.

I also saw some of the Angelic Layer anime, thanks to Inji. ^O^ Episodes 19+! So what if I skipped the rest of the series? I couldn't understand what was going on anyway, because it was kinda in Japanese, and I kinda can't understand Japanese. ^^;; Someday I'll learn. Really. The animation is NICE. O.O I really really like the colors; bright and pretty! I'll have to get the rest of the manga for my sister someday... ohwell.

Anyway, I've rambled too long. I must start on my homework. >.< The problem with these online diary things is that they're so fun to rant in... Addictive. >.< All I needed. Another thing to be addicted too. (besides wada kouji and pearl milk tea and hikaru no go and MACEDAMIA NUTS!! WHEEEEEE!!!!!!) No, I'm not psycho, nooo~oooo...

np: Kimi ga Yume Mita Mirai (wormmon's japanese voice is starting to grow on me. O.o)

Meep. I just spent the last twenty minutes on a math problem I should have taken one minute to solve. >.< Gaahhhh.... Okay, this was the problem: 12(x^2)-x-30 > 0. Simple enough, right? Apparently not for Karura. >.< At first I look at it, and I'm like, let's factor it cold!! After a few minutes of stubborn trying, it finally dawns on my thick head that this problem just does not want to factor nicely. So I use the quadratic equation and got this: (1 +/- (1441)^(1/2))/24. I stare at 1441 for a while. Does 1441 have a square root, I wonder? I decide I don't want to figure out. (and I didn't want to use a calculator to figure this out for some reason; stupid? yes. but we aren't allowed to use calculators on the test, so for some reason i decided i wasn't going to this time.) Then I totally contradict myself and cop out by graphing the stupid problem on a graphing calculator to get the answers directly, so that I'll have an idea of how to approach the problem. I get funny numbers-- it dawns on me that I'm either going to have to figure out what 1441 is the square of, or use that cool method my calc teacher showed us Wednesday last week when I wasn't paying attention. So I try to rememmber how it worked; and discovered it didn't work any better for me. So I finally just broke down 1441 into its factors, and discover that its only factors are 11 and 131. O.o Prime numbers, anybody? So guess what, guess what? After twenty minutes, I discover the answer that I had gotten in the first 3 minutes of calculating was the correct one. >.< Stoopid? Yes. But I tend to do that a lot. Which is really pathetic. >.<

Okay. Now that I've bored everyone to a traumatized mathematical death, I'll talk about...macedamia nuts!! ^^;; Yes, macedamia nuts. Chocolate covered ones, to be precise. Those things will be the death of me, I swear. They're so...unresistable. O.O ooohhhh....chocolate... Two of them snuck up on me today. >.< So sad... My willpower is disintegrating...

I downloaded some happy mp3s today! :) Of note is Rakuen, from Trigun. ;_; I nearly cried during the scene when that song played, and it's pretty hard to make me cry. It was probably one of the most moving things I've seen in an anime, and I'm happy to have found the mp3. ^_^ I need to burn another music cd... HECKA Wada Kouji and Trigun on that thing. ^_^

mmmm, what else? oh, I missed the kiriban at White Cat's World by one counter tic. >.< Little Miss 75,311, that's me. >.< Oh we~elll.... I wanted to ask for a happy fluffy Daiken fic. ;_; pity me. what else? Oh, I'm THIS close to finishing my econ poster!! ^_^ Just need to write up one more section and then stick it all onto the posterboard! Funfun!! That, however, says nothing about my physics reading, the work I have to do for various clubs before Club Day (next Wednesday! >.<), or my biology stuff. eep. At least I can sleep an extra hour tomorrow. ^_~ School doesn't start until 9:00. WAA~AAAIII!!! My friends are dragging me off to Noah's Bagels to breakfast. I'd be okay with that, except that I have to get to the bagel place by 8:00, which means I can't sleep until 8:30. >.< Oh well... Ith all good anyway. It'll be fun. We can go in a big group and scare people. ^_^ (we do scare people when we go out. o.O there's around eight or nine of us, and we're all loud, obnoxious, teenaged, and female. o.O And we drive. how scary is that?) Heehee, it'll be FUN scaring people! XD maybe we'll haul a$$ to the park and feed the duckies before we go to school. That'd be fun. Have I ever told you about the psychotic duck couple I saw at the park one time? The bitchy one-legged female duck and her servile half-blind hubbie who rammed any duck that got within five feet of his darling? o.O No, I thought not. It was a disturbing sight, let me tell you... Oh, I should really get back to math homework. >.< Been trying to avoid it but... better do it. >.< Oh well... Laters! Resist the chocolate covered macedamia nuts!!

np: Kaze by Wada Kouji ^_^ love that guy... he needs fangirls anyway, right? everyone needs fangirls. ^_^ heehee...

Yoooo~ooooo!! Well, the enemy won; namely, my homework and my procrastinating habits. What, exactly, did I manage to get done today? ...well... I did work on poster for economics. It's around halfway done. Cool, huh? But... everything else...? >.< Um...no. Most pressing would probably be BSing up some theme statements for 1984. Yay. Don't get me wrong, I love George Orwell. Really. He has such...HAPPY things to say. >.< Gah. I don't like dystopia books... u..oh no. >.< Ahhh..... I gave into temptation. I ~ate~ the chocolate covered macedamia nut. >.< no, TWO of them. >.< GAH! 80 calories right there... noo~ooooo!!! Too...good...must...resist...chocolate......

(runs away from chocolate covered macedamia nuts like they're spiders or something)

Ahem. where was I? (no, I don't have ADD, nooo~ooooo) Oh yeah. Homework. So I needa do the 1984 stuff. And I should do the math practice tests too. should do kinematics notes too... And I really should do my college researching stuff. >.< Gah. Oh well, guess I'll get to it... Soon, hopefully.

I have to haul balloons to school tomorrow. I was recruited. ^^;; It's for a friend's birthday; we all get balloons and flowers and stuff when it's the birthday of one of our group, so we can publicly embarrass them in front of the entire school. ^_~ And you think it's bad when you're a girl? Think how bad it would be if you were a GUY and you were carring around 20 balloons, four bouqets of roses, and several stuffed penguins. ^_~ Me and Robotics Team did that last year to the president. I'm not kidding you. It was GREAT! The president actually took it really well, considering. ^_^ He's a good sport. Though I had to help him go down the stairs once. o.O Visibility is very, very bad when you have that many balloons... It must have been horribly embarrassing for the poor guy though...

Ah, I digress once again. Oh well. Guess I better go do my homework. must...resisit...fanfiction.net...must...not...give in... OOH, Butter-Fly started playing!!! ^O^ You go, Kouji-kuu~uunn!!!

Voices in head: .... You worry us.
Me: Oh, do you have problems resisiting the urge to surf the fics in ff.net too? ooh, and chocolate covered macedamia nuts! And WADA KOUJI!! I luv youuuu!!
Voices: .........do you have some sort of strange allergic reaction to chocolate? Maybe it makes you drunk or something? Because that would explain a lot...

np: Yume no naka e ^O^ (enomoto atsuko and suzuki chihiro; the kareshi kanojo no jijyou ending song! I've been looking for this song for FOREVER! so ha~appy!!)

Lalalaa~aaa...found lotsa happy mp3s today! ^_^ I was really only looking for Wada Kouji songs. (has he done anything besides Digimon? if he has, i. want. them. even if i have to buy the cd's import like i've done before. that just gets really, really expensive... little less than $40 per cd... i really can't afford it, actually... but it's WADA KOUJI!!) I can't believe how quickly he's become my favorite singer. >.< I just love his voice. It's not all warbly and deep with overmuch nasalness and vibrato like I generally find male jpop to be; I like smooth, mellow voices, thank you. ...actually, Maaya Sakamoto sort fits that criteria too, doesn't she? Well, at least I'm consistent in my tastes... And Savage Garden, too... And...

Hmm, what else? Ah, I've bitten a nice big chunk out of my homework for labor day weekend. ^_^ Pretty good, for me. Usually all of it gets done on the last day of break. >.< No, all I have to do now is finish two more math practice tests (an hour and half), my economics poster for Brazil's economy (another hour and a half, and it's due Thursday. did you know that in Brazil, the literacy rate for men and women is the same, around 83%? that is so cool! go Brazil!), my 1984 theme assignment (half an hour :p), my notes and problems on kinematics (an hour; i already read the chapter), chapter one and two in the econ textbook (probably an hour; and it's not due for a long time anyway...), rereading of 1984 (more like "skim" so I'll be ready for the in-class essay Thursday), and finally, organizing all my stupid college stuff. >.< Gah. College. I hope I get into Stanford. That way I can stay close to home. I like home. Home has an excellent climate, a nice, suburban atmosphere despite its city status, and it's... home. ^^;; Hope I get into Stanford... I think I have a good chance, but the way Stanford does admissions, nothing is for sure. >.< hmph... Oh, yeah, and back to my homework! ^^;; Lessee... Eek. Seven hours worth or so. o.O Well, only some of it I have to do tomorrow... Thanks to that wonderful thing called a block schedule, I only have chinese 3, english ap, econ ap, and biology ap. ^_^ So the calculus stuff and the physics reading I can put off if I have to, which is, like, 2 and a half hours I can cut off my time. ^_^ And the econ reading isn't due for a while... Ah, whatever, I can handle it. I'm looking at waking up at 9 or so, doing three hours of work before lunch, and then doing the rest before the Robotics officer meeting. Yes. Sounds good. Planning! Planning rocks!! (and what is the saying? "Plans only last until the first engagement with the enemy." The enemy? Twofold: my homework and my procastinating habits. >.< hmmm...)

Okay, enough about homework. I watched Shamanic Princess yesterday; Severely Disliked it. I couldn't care about the characters at all; the pacing had severe problems, and so did the characterization. I had the impression that it was one of those OVA's that was adapted from a manga and thus had lotsa holes in the plot, kinda like Earthian (which I also disliked) but the problem is, there IS no seperate manga. O.o uh? Well, the animation was really pretty if a bit... fan service-y. o.O And I mean fan service-y in the fanboy way, not the fangirl way... Sorry, I am STRAIGHT. Bounciness of that type makes me severely queasy (and i'm not talking about perkiness.) I focused on the little ferret instead. The ferret was amusing.

Um, I guess I'm done. Suppose I'd better get some more homework done... Hurray. Man, these diary entries are getting longer and longer... Maybe it's just the long weekend. Lotsa time...

warning: this is long, boring, rantish, and a rather serious entry about very serious historical things. if you'd rather not read something like that, skip to the archives and read those entries. they're all a LOT fluffier.

My mother and I have some really major philosophical differences.

Okay. The issue? Whether the Japanese people of today are culpable for WWII. The argument? My mother says yes, becuase 1) the Japanese government does not teach awareness of the atrocities that occurred, therefore allowing such things to happen again and 2) what your ancestors have done directly reflects on you. I can understand number one; I agree with it to a certain extent. But even the government of the United States, land of the liberal, would have a hard time telling their people all the Bad Things their tax money has done. Are we taught exactly what we did in Nicaragua during the contra rebels situation? No, it takes some digging to find out. No government is clean; but it is true that some governments make more of an effort to be than others. The problem with this argument is that it reflects on the government being culpable, not the people. My mother blames all Japanese people for what happened; she ~says~ it's only the government, but then she goes on to argue this point: the deeds of your ancestors are reflected on you. I have so many issues with this it's not even funny. I am not responsible for what my ancestors did, whether they did good things or bad things. What they did is on their own conscience, not mine; and if they did good things, it doesn't make me a good person. My own deeds make me what I am, not my ancestors deeds; if you believe that you ARE responsible for what your ancestors have done, please tell my why. I don't understand it, and I doubt I ever will. My mother's argument for this was that if your children are culpable for your deeds, you're less likely to perform evil actions. This makes no sense to me at all. This does not explain why you are responsible for the actions of your ancestors; it simply says that a consequence for doing evil ~should~ be that your descendants should suffer, because that might prevent evil from occuring. This sounds more like an economic argument; "due to the power of incentives, people will be less likely to do evil if their children will suffer for it because the cost of doing evil is greater than what doing evil will gain them." That's the argument in a nutshell. I don't believe in it. Like economics, there is more than one factor involved to make something turn out the way it does. It might cause more people to do bad things; if they believe that they don't have to carry all the burden for the things they do, they might do more than they might have done. Who knows? Motivation is not something you can generalize about; motivation differs from person to person. And that is why I believe what I do-- people are different, in their motivations, thoughts, and deeds. And because you are not your parents, you do not carry the burden for their deeds.

My mother went on to talk about how I didn't mind getting money and support from my parents, and how I didn't have any qualms doing THAT. Isn't it hypocritical to take the good things from my ancestors, such as inheritances, and not the bad things, like the cruel and evil things they've done? And my response? I ask, how is material goods the same as such intangible things as your past actions? My parents give me material goods now; in return, I will take care of them when they are retired if it is neccessary. Family love is a factor as well, of course, but it is also a trade; they love me, I love them. Any inheritance they give me, they give me because they choose to, because they love me. If they don't like me, and they choose not to give me anything, it is their choice to make, because what they own is only their own. It is not, however, possible to give guilt away. You cannot make someone else guilty of what YOU have done. Tell me how you can do that, and I might reconsider my argument. But how can someone be guilty of something they, themselves, did not do? That's basically the crux of my own, personal philosophy. You as a person are the only one responsible for what you have done; everything you've done is on your own conscience, to deal with as you will. That is why I don't believe in the idea that you take the burden for what your ancestors have done. I believe there are some religions that say that the sins of the father are revisited on the son, or something like that? I could never believe such a thing simply because I am told it is true. Perhaps that is why I have no religion; I am, simply, agnostic.

After a while the debate stagnated into nothing, because my mother was basically talking over everything I had to say, and I was becoming disgruntled becuase she wasn't listening to what I had to say so I wasn't listening to her. So I left the lunch table. I doubt we'll ever come to an agreement. We're both stubborn. But the thing that stuck in my craw was that, near the end, my mother unequivocally told me that she would never stand for ever having a Japanese person as a blood relative. Whatever happened to the reasonable argument that the Japanese government wasn't educating its people enough on what had occurred in their history? My mother was now saying that there was something inherently bad about the blood, and that she would fight me marrying a Japanese person to the end. I think that by this point she might just have been angry at me and that she didn't mean what she said; but I'm not sure. It bothers me still. My mom does have a right to be angry at what Japan did during WWII; her family lived in China during the time, before they moved to Taiwan. In fact, my mother was the only person in her family to be born in Taiwan. But she has a right to be angry at what they DID; what justification is there to be angry at them now, besides the whole ancestors subject that the two of us pounded into the ground? At the beginning of the argument she was reasonable-- she was angry at the government, not the people. But it only went downhill from there.

I have a stomach ache. I hate arguing with my mom. But I can't just fold up under what I believe in; even if my mom told me that she thought I was a brat (essentially) who didn't know the truth of what the victims of WWII had suffered, and so had a skewed and stupid way of thinking. Insulting me like that won't change my mind. ...still, i really don't like arguing like that. It's stressful, especially since it's with my mom, who is someone I generally respect and admire. It's painful. At least we usually forget this sort of thing really quickly... Otherwise life would be uncomfortable, because we disagree on many things...

Oh, I don't want to talk anymore. Sorry if I offended anyone, or if I rambled too long. I just needed to vent, and that's what diaries are for, aren't they?