Luke 6:41-42 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdustin your brother's(or sister's) eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?How can you say to your brother(or sister),'Brother,let me take the speck out of your eye,'when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?You hypocrite,first take the plank out of your eye,and then you will see claerly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Scribble at 09:46 p.m. Happy New Year! Well,my title says it all isn't it? Scribble at 08:49 p.m. So the Pieces are in Place. Had another serious chat with Alywin while............playing Gunbound.Now we are in support of each other.I also made sure that what the other party did was rude and crude.So,it's no over-sensitiveness on my part. Scribble at 01:48 a.m. Public Relations Hohoho! Scribble at 03:13 p.m. A lil Correction Just to add on because i think what i wrote in my earlier entry was a bit misleading. Scribble at 04:03 a.m. A Moment of Reflection Errr,Merry Christmas? Scribble at 12:32 a.m. Favourites All Time Favourites of the YF Scribble at 02:15 p.m. Almost Lost it. The thing i almost lost was my cool. Scribble at 08:54 p.m. Tired and Sick for Real My First day on the job.Made only two Crepes to sell. Scribble at 10:00 p.m. My survey
Thursday, January 1, 2004
[ something for me? ]
Thursday, January 1, 2004
Right,the past year had been one of faith building,challenge and struggles for me.And i didn't think i could have made it without Father.Well,it's just wierd how people change,some for the good ,some for the better.And in your heart,you just really wonder at the ingenuity of God on how he changes and turn events.
And i am humbled.I feel so small,so insignificant.The unpleasant moments that happen to me.And i realised how i must be a pain in the ass to some people.And though i may say,i have not breach any trust to the best of my knowledge,but if i had caused others to believe i had,isn't it my fault for not watching myself closely and let the devil have a chance to destroy the bond of trust between me and individuals?
I prided myself on being a caring team leader.But in my blindness to do what I think is right,i failed to realised if God thought it was right.And as a result,i guess i had appearred to be an insensitive jerk who just want to be informed on the well being of my brother's and sister's life regardless whether that information that i gained was legal or not.
I always say i am patient.However,i guess i might as well say i am the most impatient person on Earth?I pale in comparison to people like Elisha,Jianming,Chin Teck and Wei yang.Indeed,who am i to say i am patient?For i am nothing in God's just and righteous eyes and doomed to fail the test He set for me had it not been for Jesus's blood!Woe to me!I had been arrogant and in my own fanciful world all along.Am i not one of God's servant too?Am i not serving alongside my brothers and sisters?
And yes,who am i to be the keeper of my sibling's secrets?Am i not one who had failed all above requirements for such a job?My heart is weak,my strength fails.
To say i am humbled would be an understatement.For i am broken and heart contrited.Indeed,even pity is a luxury to me.
And i seek forgiveness from you my Father,i do not dare for you to shower me with blessings,but instead,give me grace an forgive me and humble me,that i may worship you for the rest of my life.Always amazed by your love.
[ something for me? ]
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
But anyway,since things have ventured thus far,why not let sleeping dogs lie?As Alywin and i came to the conclusion,we decided that things should be left the way they are now.
With support from brothers and my beloved Jie.I guess this is the time for me to end all this.Attempting to re-established communications would end up with me getting a hard scolding,as learned from previous encounters.heh.
So i guess i shall play the silent game.God Grant me the strength and endurance.
However,as was discussed with Likai,(though you might not believe,he guessed it) in all things,try to solve it in a manner worthy of being called children of God.I do not exclude that possibility.But with my analysis,it would take eons for it to happen knowing our characters.Unless i can be proven wrong,i am convicted that indeed,there is nothing more for me to tolerate,love and reason with.For i believe that while others feel i must take the soft approach,the time has come whereby,i am letting God take control of this mess and it would be presumptous of me to be involved anymore.
So it begins.........
[ something for me? ]
Monday, December 29, 2003
During the wee hours of saturday,i had a very serious and crappy chat with Alywin.It was a meeting of the two most powerful person in Barbarossa.Ironically,we did not discuss about next year's military policies.In fact,we discussed about a bit of my problems and his.Okay,maybe not abit for mine.Lol.
And he reassured me that my PR skills is not downright rotten.In fact,according to him,it's okay and quite good.heh.But that's not the point of this entry.The point is,whatever problem or should i say,individuals that i am facing now,is not my fault at all.Maybe you will ask me,"But why so many if ur skills are good?".The answer would be,because they are a whole group of CLIQUES,dammit.And to make you see the light,we both agreed they are immature and not yet grown up.It's the inside that matters to me and Aly now.
My brother Aly,hahaha,thanks for always being there at the most strategic moments.He's really a great bro to me though,choosing to sabotage people when he could have sabohed me.Muahahaha.Truly,my Comrades-in-arms.
So now that we know it's not my problem they are like that.I think it best that i don't do anything about it.Let the raging fire burn,it'll burn itself out in the end.
And may i dare say that while they are perhaps,angered at the sight of yours truly,i am enjoying myself since,in Alywin's words,"HECK them.".
[ something for me? ]
Friday, December 26, 2003
When i say concentrate on bad points and etc.I don't mean to hate her or even hold her at bay.What i mean is,i will continue to love her,as a sister that is.However,i will also focus on why she won't be the one for me.Yeah.
Haha,if Likai were to read this,he would say i am contradicting myself again.But oh well,contradictions might not be contradictions once you actually apply them.
[ something for me? ]
Friday, December 26, 2003
All right,so Christmas was yesterday.But Everyday Christmas!
Yesterday was my first time singing carols to people.Not a bad job,i dare say.Yours truly always had a nice voice.Muahahaha.After that,was the chalet and party at Changi Aloha!
Oh my,the scenary was just.....breathtaking.At night,the gust of sea breeze and the sound of waves.Looking up,the stars are brightly shining.And it's actually very quiet as well if not for us.It was a very memorable night for the YF i guess.
And talking about the stars,it got me into a bit of reflection there and then.I was just thinking about God's love for me.Everything was so much more beautiful and pure compared to me there.But,He died for us and not for the tress and stars.Can i ever repay that debt?And what can i do for my King?
And it got me thinking about me going into the Missions field.I think about the people that are dying.People who will have a one way ticket to hell.And i realise the urgency of the Gospel.I want to go.However,i will wait for God to lead me.
And it quickly got me thinking about my love life(it's non-existent by the way).I mean,so much to do for God and here i am still brooding about a girl.I mean,why Reynard?Why put myself through such un-needed processes.The Lord needs soldiers,not parasites.Why do i even care about the way she looks at me?The way i want myself to be presented?
And i quickly decided that ,"NO!I won't let myself be tied down.I have God's work to do."
So i guess,i have to harden my heart against her.She will remain nothing more than a sister to me.Maybe i will have to concentrate on all her bad points instead.Just like how i got myself out of someone two years ago.Throw in a few more quarrels.And i am sure i'll be quite out of it.
So Forgive me,my brothers and sisters,for what i have to do in order for the works of my Father to be advanced in my life.Radical Obedience.
Father in heaven,
Guide me with your divine hand and Holy Spirit.I pray to You that Your guidance will be clear to me and that my heart's throne will be Yours forever.Let me beat the same heart beat as Yours.And strengthened my faith in You.For Faith is not about believing in You only,but also in the belief that You are God,and You have wonderful things set aside for me and You will provide me with someone that suits me best.And i Pray that You'll discipline me if ever i was to stray.
In Your Son's Precious Name,
Amen.
My brothers and sisters,be the brothers and sisters that you are supposed to be for me and hold my hand to lead me back if i am ever blinded.Help me be a man of my words to God.
[ something for me? ]
Saturday, December 13, 2003
Fav Sabotage Group:Barbarossa
Fav Slang:CUI
Fav Fast Food:Anything below SPC
Fav sports of guys:Teh ar!
Fav past time of guys:1942
Fav term guys call each other:BRUTHA!
Fav sabotage subjects by guys:Angela,Chew Wei,Tammy,Jiamin,Abel,Yew Teng
Fav term to describe backstabbing:Wu Jian Dao
Fav Girl guys like to saboh(as of Rock Jubilee's Camp Com hit list:Chew wei
Fav Guy Camp Com wants dead in Rock Jubilee:Likai
Fav Crush of guys:Nobody(YF girls........CMI!)
Fav crush of girls:Nobody(our sistas all love God)
[ something for me? ]
Friday, December 5, 2003
It seems that with one problem settled,another comes my way.But i'm glad to say i have reponded in a manner worthy of the Gospel this time,instead of losing it and,well,inflicted damage.
My dear dear team,long have i neglected you?Have i been responsible?Have i been loving?Have i been but a jerk to you all?
Tsk tsk,of course i'm not a jerk.But then again,people like to think otherwise.A jerk wouldn't respond the way i did.Maybe Jole was right,maturity is involved.
Oh before people think i am being sore here,i'm not.Just typing out what i feel inside.No hatreds towards anybody in particular.
[ something for me? ]
Thursday, December 4, 2003
Why?
First,the location sucked.Then those are lunch hour crowds who only want to fill thier stomachs and get the hell outta there.
On a happier note,i ended the conflict two nights ago.And Stephanie volunteered to pray for me without me asking.Lol
On another note,i don't feel too good about anything and everything.Yes yes,i can hear jie saying that "Cheer up!Look to God!"I shall look.
Maybe all i want is a nice,casual chat with someone to lighten up my spirits.
Perhaps i need someone to humour me instead.
Perhaps ,perhaps,perhaps.....SCREW that!
[ something for me? ]
Thursday, December 4, 2003** basics ** Name:: Reynard Lim Yi Kai Nickname:: Ah Nerdz ar,Nerd,Rey. Location:: Singapore Gender:: Male Birthplace:: Singapore,KK hospital,third crib from left Birthstone:: How the hell would i know? Birthday:: 21.3.86 Sign:: Aries Righty or Lefty:: More inclined to being a left winged person...but can be right as well Screenname:: Funkyfats ** your looks ** Height:: 172.5cm Weight:: 89kg? Shoe size:: 8 Hair Color:: Reddish brown Hair Length:: Short Eye Color:: Dark Brown Size:: Erm,big and getting smaller?heh Glasses:: Oh yes,thank God for them Braces:: Nope Piercings:: One natural hole on my left or right ear Tattoos:: Absolutely not ** fashion ** Where do you shop:: where i can get what i want What do you usually wear:: Something comfortable What kind of shoes do you wear:: Sports shoes,sandals,slippers,shoes Do you wear a watch:: Used to Color you never wear:: Pink Color you wear at least once a week:: Black Something you wear everyday:: A smile Do you wear make up everyday:: Do i look gay to you? Make up essential:: Same as above Most cherished piece of clothing:: Don't have You wouldn't be caught dead wearing:: A G-string! Do you wear belts:: going to. Do you wear hats:: nope How many pairs of shoes do you have:: 2 ** music ** Favorite kind of music:: Classical,Jazz,Christian Least Favorite:: Punk,Heavy metal and techno How many CD's do you have:: Can't be bothered to count Last CD you bought:: Meteora Whats in your CD player right now:: there's nothing inside now1 Do you download music:: Yup ** Favorites ** Color:: Blue Number:: 8 or any even number Season:: Spring and winter Ice cream:: Mint or sherbets Website:: My homepage! Quote:: Hell hath no Fury like Women scorned Store:: Nope Band:: Linkin' Park Singer:: Chester Rapper:: don't have one Group:: Matchbox Twenty Song:: If You're Gone Movie:: Lord of the Rings,and war flicks Actor:: Robert De Niro Actress:: Any chio one Kind of movies:: War Place to be:: My bed Time of day:: Night Clothing Brand:: OP Animal:: Predators Food:: Anything Holiday:: Chinese New year Shape:: none Restaraunt:: Fish and Co. Fast food place:: Burger King and Mos Burger Boy's name:: Ryan Girl's name:: Vanessa Word:: Cui,Seh,Luan Lai,OMG,Lai lo. Month:: December Candy:: Werther's original ** love and relationships ** Sexual Preference:: A girl? Boyfriend or Girlfriend:: Girlfriend Crush:: Hohoho,not gonna tell you! Do you believe in love at first sight:: Nope What do you look for in a guy/girl:: character and agressiveness.Looks are on the list also Best physical feature:: Smile Best hair color:: Brown Best eye color:: Brown ** randoms ** Do you paint your nails:: nope What color is your tooth brush:: yellow What's on your desktop:: Cup,handphone...etc Do you like roller coasters:: Never been on one.........yet Do you do drugs:: When i'm sick Are you a virgin:: Hoho.....no? Alright just pulling your leg! Do you have any pets:: naah What time do you go to sleep:: In the morning!
Basic Survey [ 87 questions] brought to you by BZOINK!
Scribble at 02:00 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
I'm Sick and Tired
Wednesday, December 3, 2003
Over the stupidest things we fought.
Over a nickname we fought
Over your hostile attitude we fought.
We shower each other with sarcasm.And in the end,it doesn't satisfy our bitterness.Instead,with each word spewed forth from our mouths,we let the devil advance in our lives.
With each word that i say,i hurt you.
With each word that you say,i am wounded.
And for every sentence we complete,God's tears flowed.
And yet,isn't it the devil,and not us,that has the last laugh?
I regret the foolishness my tongue brought about.But yet,i felt those were words that had to be spoken.You know how i treat you.Have i ever regarded you as an enemy?
Ney,i regard you as a sister i never had but always wanted.
And if you may accept my sincere apologies.
I would like to talk it out with you,minus the sarcasm and hostilities.
Scribble at 02:25 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Crawl
Friday, November 28, 2003
Struggles
A word we hear about everyday in our christian life.We don't want to talk about it.We wish we had none of it.But somehow they just keep coming.
Ever struggled with keeping your mind off a particular girl?Or trying to control your tongue?Or even just deciding whether or not to go and spend some money.Those are struggles.Real struggles.
Throughout my 17 years of existence.I have learnt to take things easy.If there's a girl on my mind,just focus on how nice the weather is today.If there is a word u have to say that is hurting,try slapping yourself.It works.
But however,the essence of dealing with struggles can be put into a little paragraph written by a friend of mine.
I quote,
"The key in it all is not to take it too seriously, laugh when you have to, cry when you have to. When the going gets tough, crawl. When danger lurks near, run. Do anything, just don’t stop moving on."
And that i guess is what keeps us alive.A hope that if we keep on moving on,we will have reach the end.And in the christian perspective.The Book of Isaiah sums it up in 43:18-19.
"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See,i am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up;do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."
Scribble at 09:04 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
Name Calling
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
My Elvish name
Caranthir Inglorion
My Hobbit name
Marroc Chubb-Baggins of Pincup
Website:http://www.chriswetherell.com/hobbit/default.asp
Scribble at 03:58 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Woe to me!
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
Tsk tsk,what have i gotten myself into now?Feelings running through my veins,and yet i can't find any words to describe it.Reminds me of the song,"If a picture paints a thousand words,then why can't i paint you?"
Recently,i've entered into a spell of depression.Yes,even clowns suffer from depression.Oh and i met Mr Mantis on my door again,didn't kill him though...Just sort of a swept him away.Back to my depression,it's because of some relation problems again.But i managed,through God's grace solved one and reconciled with a sister.The other sister is,well,still at large but i believe God will pin her down one day.LOL.
So what haven i learnt from all this?I have too nice a temper.My buds all know how to give back my respect and sincerity.But the sisters seems to swallow them whole,bones and all.And i was just discussing with a brother what will happen if my temper goes off.Hell on earth .....They say "Hell has no fury like women scorned"...Clearly they don't know that "Hell doesn't know fury like nice person with a good temper scorned."
Tsk tsk,it might just be one of you guys reading it.So be careful where you step on.
Well my depression also comes from seeing the way my brothers and sisters lead thier lives....Defeated,in a relationship,jealousy and much much more.It really saddens me to see them like this.But i can only pray to God to deliver me from the depression and start living a life so good they would want to follow me isn't it?
I love my sisters,i love my brothers.I love them with my heart and soul.
Do they?
At least God loves me more than i can ever repay.
Scribble at 08:27 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
I am ESTP
Monday, November 24, 2003
ESTP
You're action-oriented...pragmatic (look it up!)...outgoing and realistic. In situations that require resourcefulness, you use your quickness and flexibility to find the most efficient route to accomplishing whatever needs to be done.
You are lively....entertaining...fun...like to be where the action is.... like to participate fully in what's going on.... you are direct with your comments and don't mince words.... you are at your best in situations that require an orientation to the present and a direct, no-nonsense practical approach.
You're active, easygoing, and spontaneous...extremely realistic...curious and keen observers...charming and popular...you're outgoing, versatile and have an endless supply of jokes and stories for whatever situation you find yourself in...ok, you're funny too! You can be good at easing a tense situation...
You like(d) school because it gives/gave you a place to meet friends and to be involved in activities. Oh, yeah. Education and academics were there too, but you don't care so much about THAT. You're action-oriented...likely to be on a sports team or other after school activities.
You'd rather DO something rather than read about others doing activities. You like hands-on experience...you like it when expectations are realistic and when the explanations for a task are clear. You like teachers that are entertaining and make learning fun and active.
You like crises 'cause you can dive right in and fix things. You like to make things happen quickly.... you're willing to take risks, aintcha? You can take charge readily, ESPECIALLY in crises...you can react and make it work...you love leisure and kicking back...you're probably involved in sports, as a fan if not a player...
You're a daredevil at times...as a fan, you're pretty animated and excitable. you like collecting things related to a hobby...you like people who "live on the edge." A perfect partner for romance would be one you can do fun things with...sharing life's up and downs...you like to use your persuasive- ness and fun-loving nature to win over the opposite sex...
You don't like dull routine, even in your relationships....it makes you feel confined...you're pretty straightforward with the relationship, including recognizing when it's over....
Watch out for these things, though...don't over-rely on improvisation.. while you might like putting out those fires, that's no reason to create an emergency...you'll just overload from stress...don't sacrifice follow- through in your work to meet the problems of the moment...don't get too focussed on material things and ignore the things that count, like other people...stop being so blunt and direct! Think about others' feelings...
ESTP: "Everyone Seems Too Proper"
Scribble at 12:37 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
The O's are over and.................
Saturday, November 22, 2003
I'M ATTACHED!
Scribble at 09:23 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Fuse is Getting Shorter and Shorter
Thursday, November 6, 2003
Right.I've finished my maths O'levels...i guess i did all right.But don't know if i will pass.
Now i am in my cousin's house,finally able to release all that's been pent up inside me.Damn pitas.
Right,today we are gonna talk about my fuse.Really,a lot has been happening.So naturally,my fuse is getting shorter.Add up with the fact that i get called jerk for seemingly no reason,the result is expected.
And people say i am biased.Now now,my recent bias antics dates back to a few months ago.But i've since made up with the guy.And now,just for voicing out something that i think is wrong,i get slammed that i am biased?And for all the people that know me,just know that i am not taking comfort in the fact that you think people think i am biased.Goodness,all these time as friends and brothers and sisters and i still get this from you guys?
So what happen have been termed as sowing discord,well done indeed.If i had wanted to sown discord,i would have done it in a way in which you appear to be the jerk.What kind of a person sows discord by going to leaders and say that he or she wants to settle the matter in a amicable manner.
Right,now that i've said my part,it's usless getting people to believe that i am NOT biased.Well,whatever,i will concentrate on giving my best.Nothing more,nothing less.I am giving my best to the team and God.Who can stand against me?
Scribble at 06:48 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
Post War Reflections
Monday, October 6, 2003
I hardly feel any jubilation at all.Yes the initial emotions were cruising through my mind and heart on hearing those words that i have been expecting these few days.Yes i was expecting those words,because i had the feeling.Must have been God.
But now,even as we celebrate the closure of this 3 weeks war.There are pieces to be picked up.
Just like how after World War 2 ,Germans and Russians alike have to work to rebuild the scarred cities.
And then there's the issue of trust.
Russians still haven't fully forgave the Germans for the atrocities they did in the war.Nor do they trust them either.Even though this episode came to a peaceful conclusion.Trust,built up months before the war,will have to be build up again.And it won't be easy.I am vexed as well.Though i maintained i did no traitorous acts against her,it's still my words against hers.Trust lost isn't easily gained.So what if i had done nothing?
God be my judge.
Do not be mistaken.I am thankful and sincere in ending the war.But from now on,it's how we act that will determine if this peacefulness will become permanent peace.
With the ending of the rain,the sun will come out.But the rain will always come back again,i hope that when it does,we will have an umbrella to protect ourselves against the rain.
Scribble at 10:20 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
Amused Musings
Monday, October 6, 2003
This is one thing that amuses me alot.
I actually forgot that i'm NOT attached.And the consequences of it are that i will somehow plan some very romantic and nice outings for my non-existent girlfriend and myself whenever my mind has the chance to wonder about.
And the results of it is that i came up with a lot of nice ideas,only to be woken up by the fact that i have no one to experience the outings i have planned with me.
And as Jianming said,"You actually forgot you are unattached ar??"
Another rather amusing thought that i have is that i noticed that my voice is rather kiddish.But never mind,it sounds cute anyway.LOL.The moment of truth struck me when Teck Seng asked me to be the vocalist in our jamming session.The repercussions were serious.The two keyboardists were consumed by laughter just at the sound of my voice.I didn't know i was that distracting.
On a serious note,i realised why i said the things i've said in my previous post.I am simply CONFUSED by the acts of the enemy(Enemy is just a name given,i don't treat the person as one).In fact,one might as well call me Confucian.Which also led me to a conclusion:
To understand life,great.
To understand nature,patient.
To understand women,God.
Isn't that just so very true?I don't even know if i am at war or in peace times.I am hesitating to smile.My finger is trembling on the trigger of my gun.Someone actually forced me to take out my gun.
I won't be the first to shoot.
The policy of appeasement is still my policy.
Scribble at 02:52 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Random Musings
Sunday, October 5, 2003
I should be asleep.And the reason is as clear as a glass of coke.Which means i am unclear to the exact reason why.
Am i a miserable creature standing against the trials of time and hatred?Am i hated to the extent that i actually fuel someone's drive towards thier goals?
Is the smile to me actually hiding a sword?I was once young and bold.Thinking i can withstand anything in my way.Alas!The ravages of time left me as a timid character unable to withstand anymore injuries.
"My heart is numb"
How i wish i could say those words with a clear conscience!Those sweet words of carefreeness,neglect and free from burdens!Are they fated not to be mine?Must i still be left to pick up the pieces of of my own heart,still beating and bleeding.What cruelty is this?!That one should be made to clean his wounds inflicted by another?
And what will time say of me?Will they hail me as a hero?Or will i be zero?
It's always easier to run,but i won't.It's always easier to fight back and inflict as much damage as i can,but i no longer have the heart to do so anymore.So why don't YOU just give me the finishing blow instead of leaving me in a mess like this?
I give up.I lost.Life shouldn't be this way.Man shouldn't be like this.
Will that peace come faster?
Scribble at 01:36 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
The Ideal Church
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Undoubtedly,even though many of us keep it inside ourselves,we do have a desire to see the church mould itself according to our likings.I am not saying it is wrong,for it is natural.For some,the ideal church would be one that's near to thier house.And to another group,it may purely be just that church won't bother about thier lives.
Now,and what's the ideal church for me?It would have to be a church,where brothers and sisters dwell together in harmony.It doesn't matter where the church is.As long as the church is a place where i don't feel awkward upon seeing someone,it's just the place for me.
And recently,a feedback from one of my sisters has been suggesting that there's somehow of a rift between the leaders and the youths.I have to admit that i wanted to ignore the complaints since it only concerns about a group of 3-5 people?But after some reflections,i have to admit that it could be the future root of all problems.So currently,i am still trying to work a way out.Which will bring me to another issue,
Constructive Criticism
We all have to face this horrible truth at some point in our lives.No place is perfect!And it is the same for church.And for harmony to get into place,the people must learn how to communicate thier problems and thier angers.There has to be resolvings of fueds and bitterness.And no way is better than to provide constructive criticism.I'd rather get complaints all day long and resolve it and keep the friendship rather than a breathtaking once in a lifetime explosion of emotions which will leave both parties injured.And so,it is in times like these i give thanks i have brothers and sisters to point to me my mistakes and also feedback for the leaders.They may not know it,but i appreciate thier help and at the end of the day,instead of a weak covalent bond between us,we have ionic bonds instead.
However,there's always a peculiar group of people who would rather not say anything,or at most hint at you.And at best,they only tell you a part of what is in thier mind.And i can really do nothing once they see red.And i am only like a matador being trampled under the bull.Yes,that's what i feel!And at the end of the day,casualties on both sides run high and we get nothing solved and there will be divisions in church.
And so,for these groups of people who thinks that i or somebody have did you wrong but do not want to approach the person.I have a verse for you.
Better is open rebuke than hidden love.
Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Proverbs 27:5-6
So go and ponder over it.
Scribble at 02:49 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
A Moment of Silence
Saturday, September 27, 2003
OOPS!
It's offcial.Mr Mantis is possibly dead.
After writting this morning's journal,i went to check on him.And his peaceful arrogance is getting me down.So i crushed him abit with the window.And as i pushed back the window,he fell 8 storeys down to a possible death.
And so ends the tale of Mr Mantis who taught me much.
Scribble at 12:25 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
The start of the Tishri Days with a Praying Mantis
Saturday, September 27, 2003
As i was taking a breather on my sofa after my morning run,i couldn't help but notice a praying mantis climbing the wall.This was the same mantis that scared the living shit out of me as i opened the door when i went out for the run.It was on my hand. and it dropped and took refuge under the gates.
And when i came back,Mr Mantis,much to my surprise,was still under the gate.I decided to shoo him away and decided it was enough when he was at the doorstep of my neighbour.
So what was this?Mr Mantis was apparently back.And he's intruding on my privacy!I took a cane and flicked Mr Mantis off the wall.But he just kept going back to climb the wall.I decided to see what he intends to do.
As i watched the languid and purposeful movements of Mr Mantis,i started thinking.Here was a guy,dripping with sweat,standing silently early in the morning watching a praying mantis!But my thoughts quickly turned to the Christian walk with God.
One thing that i've learnt is that you got to be patient.Just like Mr Mantis there who didn't give up as i flicked him off the wall.I mean,it wasn't even his fault.I found Mr Mantis to be a cocky fellow and decided to teach him a lesson or two,and he just kept going and going at it.He can't even change his circumstances.Mr Mantis,if engaged in a fight with me,is bound to be on the losing end.And we may all end up praying for his soul.
So how do we apply it in our lives?Well,there's always times when someone out there just can't wait to see your sorry face on the ground.And they'll flick you off the wall.You can't complain,because you can't help it.You can't fight it either,because God put you in this circumstance and you certainly can't win in a fist fight with God.However,we can all be like Mr Mantis,forgetting what lies behind and setting our hearts on the prize.And in Mr Mantis's case,a position on the window sill.
So there you are,my very first reflection of the day.Right,and i'll just go to see where Mr Mantis is and if it's possible for me to flick it off.
On second thoughts,maybe not.
Scribble at 07:10 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Rosh haShanah
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Oh my,tomorrow's Rosh haShanah!It's the Jewish New Year!LOL.Learnt it through my friend's website.
And the ten days from tomorrow are the "Tishri" days.And what does it mean?It means they are days of repentance and reflections.Though we are not called to a life of Jewish traditions.I guess it's a nice opportunity to just relax with a glass of drink beside you and just.........think.Haha.Yeah,these are days of reflections.Me and LJ were talking about self reflections the other day.Guess that since we assumed the role of Team leaders,never had a real day for us to go to a beach and lie down there and .............think(lol).And Rosh haShanah just provided us with a golden excuse!I'll see how......
Am suddenly very interested in the history of modern Isreal.How in the world did they survive against 7 arab nations intent on seeing it erased from the world map?Yes,it's interesting to me indeed.
Happier Days are finally here!!!!!
Scribble at 07:00 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
Happy Birthday to Daniel!
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Hoho,yesterday was Daniel's birthday.He came to my house to slack.After that,went to meet James Tong with him at City Hall.Wanted to go to Equinox for a drink.But me and Daniel were underdressed.LOL.
Then we went PS Swensen's.Turns out to be a surprise dinner given by his CG.So i had no choice but to feel like i'm the youngest punk there.hahahah.But it was quite a pleasant day overall.And after dinner,i saw JIE!hoho.Did a bit(and it's really ABIT) of catching up.
After everything,we went home where i got shocked.Not telling you the details.But it was rather unpleasant.Oh an as i was talking to Xiang Xiang,her *someone* just had to call about five times to see if i was still on the phone with her.I understand the unhappiness.....BUT SHE'S MY TEAM MEMBER!Hard to have a fruitful talk nowadays.Mostly because i've not been calling people.LOL.
And what Jianming,Jie,James said were right(the Triple Js),i should get on with my life.Well,so as to speak,i feel EMANCIPATION!I shall join my predecessors in my rightful place.Just kidding:)
Hakuna Matata,
What a wonderful phrase.
It means no worries
And i forgot the rest of the lyrics.DOH!
Scribble at 10:58 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
hohoho
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
find your element at mutedfaith.com.
Scribble at 12:58 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
No idea for a Heading
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Everyone remembers the 'faked-orgasm-in-a-deli'
sequence from your kind of movie When Harry Met
Sally. It seems that you're falling for a buddy
or have already fallen for them. Uh-oh. You're
probably caught between the possibility of
having a great relationship and wrecking the
one you have now. You know what they say, it's
better to regret something you did than
something you didn't do.
What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla
He is no fool who gives what he cannot keeps,
And keeps what he cannot gives.
Jim Elliot
Wisdom,that's what i see.Yes i see wisdom behind those simple words.Someone who practices what he preaches .Afterall,Brother Jim Elliot is a martyr.Who will argue with him over the validity of his words?
I feel so small compared to him.He gave up his life.HIS LIFE,mind you!Leaving behind a wife.And what have i got to lose?Nothing!And why am i so troubled and agonized?Meaningless,meaningless,everything is meaningless!
I finally realise this.Who am i to bargain with God?Since everything is settled now.I shall take this period of time to do some self reflection.Be it true or not,i'll step out of myself and look.
I should have known what was God's intention the minute he preached on Lot and Abraham last saturday.
Yes God,i know what to do now.May you give me the strength to carry me through and faith to trust in your Providence.
Scribble at 11:49 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
If it isn't Another Coincidence
Sunday, September 21, 2003
As you might have guessed,YES,i felt that the sermon today spoke alot to me.All my week's Qt's were references in the sermon.Even Colossians 3 which i did this morning was in it.
Okay,i did another unthinkable,i went for tuition on a fine Sunday!And after that went to study again and meet the girls at the Esplanade with Alywin.We got chased out of the library,because there's strictly no self studying there.Wanted to watch some contemporary dance thingy.But realised it's not for people like us.Quite a fun day.
Love is patient,
Love is kind.
It does not envy,it does not boast,it is not proud.
It is not rude,it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,it keeps no records of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth
It always protects,always trusts,always hopes,always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
The first time i read these verses.It does not really make a big impression on me.To me it's just another beautiful verse.However,with the recent turn of events.I find it hard.I mean,how can i love someone who is at odds with you?I may not be angered,but i can be hurt.
Now,however,i find that it doesn't take it's toll on me anymore,because the peace of God is in me.Sure,i still do worry,but i find that i should let go and let God.It's His plan for me i will follow it no matter what happens.It's not easy either.It's been very hard for me because i've yet to speak.Sure i did talk to some of my close friends but it doesn't really matter nor does it help much.
I just want to take this stone out of my heart.
Scribble at 11:45 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
Unity
Sunday, September 21, 2003
It's funny how the YF keeps talking about unity when i am facing problems of split ups...Haiz.
Okay i settled some things with Freddie .Also keeping the promise that i had made to her.Alot of things have been settled already.But it's irony how i can solve other's problems when i can't solve my own.
A doctor can't heal himself they say.
It's with a certain level of regret i write this.I guess i have to be like Abraham,where for the sake of keeping the unity with Lot.He decided to always go the opposite direction where Lot goes so as not to enter into dispute with him.However,Abraham was not in the wrong.He was not obligated to let Lot share his fruits.This story touched me.
Perhaps i should just be like Abraham?Going away so that i don't stumble her and enter into disputes and so on?
Oh God,i desperately needs your wisdom.Help me out in this.Take notice of the tears i have shed in sincere love for my brothers and sisters.I need You.For without You,i am nothing in the world.I am Your son,I pray that i can truly be free from guilt and hurts.Mould me into the kind of man You want me to be .
Amen.
Scribble at 12:36 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
A Pondful of Reflections
Saturday, September 20, 2003
I don't fear you,
Nor will i take advantage of you
Those two lines above are uber cool man!Taken from a historic chinese drama serial.It's from this Manchu Viceroy and Diplomat of the Northern Fleet.
Another tidbit is that the Japanese Emperor,Meiji i think,only dines on one meal a day to show his determination for the enitre country to contribute to the funding of the Imperial Navy.And the country was so ashamed that the army and navy refused to eat also.The whole country became so united on raising funds it almost inspired me.
It seems alot of people are hurt by problems one way or another.My poor brothers and sisters.Some of them don't really deserve what's coming to them.But i guess that's because God wants to let us know what is joy and happiness.Because without sadness and grieve,what good is happiness and joy?Without absence,how does one know how much he or she truly miss the person?Okay so i digress.
In truth,my brothers and sisters,is that while we may toil and fight for something which is good in our eyes.God has a different perspective.His eyes sees things that we cannot.For the normal human eye is prone to myopia and cataracts.
Now i'm not suggesting that you shouldn't fight for something,but rather,toil with the knowledge that if you don't get it,in future you will.Rest assure God will make everything straight.
Let me just quote an example.
Jianming was my dgl.I,his student.In my earlier years,i entered into a phase where people call the rebellious stage.I was 15.To me,the world is interesting and blinding.Suddenly,girls and soccer became an integral part of my life where the bible and church should be.
As a result,i skipped YF and church.And dear old Jianming would come and bug,plead, and practically piss me off with his so called naggings which he call concerns.
Now,i am 17,with responsibility to lead my team and the yf.I find myself becoming the person i detest being 2 years ago.I nag,i ask questions,i pore over every single details of those people who i am concerned about.In the process,i piss a few people off.I make them mad at me,make them hurl insults at me.
And i remember Senglong, Jianming,Aaron and Elisha.The people who persevered in spite of what i had done to hurt them.I am grateful for them for not giving up on me when i had been such a brat.And it is also because of them that i continue to go on and love those who doesn't love me as a brother.
Why?
Because i have the faith in God that He will make them see the light just like i did.They will grow to be wonderful individuals moulded by God.And perhaps,someday,they will write how i have persevered for them in thier own journals when they are receiving crap from thier sheeps.LOL.
I'll just end off with something from Luke 6.
If you love those who love you.What credit is that to you?
Even sinners do that.
Scribble at 03:06 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Blurry
Friday, September 19, 2003
Your beloved writer is back!
All right,first of all,thanks to those who came up to me,virtually or physically to ask how have i been.I'm fine,really!God always manages to strengthen my faith and focus my thoughts.
Must say that the problem i mentioned in the previous entry is not solved yet.Yup,i have decided to leave it to the judge also known as my Father,your Father,our Father------------God.
Well,i have done all i could,said all i could.Took all insults,bear all humiliations.And surprisingly,i'm not angry.Now close friends would laugh thier heads off.But i guess,God's inner peace is upon me.It's a learning process for me as well.I quote Jianming, "It ain't over until God says it's over."So why should i be bothered?My team needs me anyway.
In short,i trust that God,the perfector of my faith,will do something about it.Afterall,we'll meet in heaven for the rest of eternity anyway.
God has been pretty wonderful to me all these years.And it is still an understatement.Why should i doubt Him when He has always delivered me?As long as i do His will,the people will understand one day.
To all my brothers and sisters,i value all of your friendships ,because to me,it's God given.Unless God takes it away,we can do nothing about it.
Yup,i do still value her friendship.But i trust that God will do the talking this time.So no worries!
Hakuna Matata.
And i end off with a quote,"Everything should change.Everything will change.Everything has changed."
Scribble at 12:13 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Ephesians 4
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
I remembered taking a quiz to determine which book in the bible am i and i remembered that i was Ephesians.Now for some strange reason,Ephesians was always there to comfort me in my times of mourning and distress.Thank God for the Ephesians.Lol.
Now chapter 4 of Ephesians really struck me.The entire chapter really encourages me.And i hope that you,my loyal readers,will find that it speak to you too.And the reason for reading Ephesians 4 today?
I woke up at 5am supposedly to do some running,but due to the wet terrain,i decided to do QT.Now i am at peace with myself and others.
In reply to the person who posted in my guestbook
I really didn't know that i would cause such unhappiness by leaving the conversation.And the reason i left was because,judging by what you said to me,you were obviously pissed,and i was on the verge of exploding.So i thought by saying goodbye,we could avoid a very big war and instead talk another day when both of us were chilled?
I remembered,that when something embarrassing happened between us last year,you sent me an email to clarify stuff and asked me to pray over it.
Now,can you pray over this too?Is it really worth it that both of us end up as mere acquaintance after being close brothers and sisters for quite some time?Is the amount of input that both of us put in to be wasted because of something that we could have solved?
Please do pray over it okay?
Scribble at 11:58 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
Mad Season
Monday, September 15, 2003
I feel Stupid.
But i know it won't last for long.As it is something that comes and goes.And i know i've been catching on.
Okay enough ramblings and griping.I woke up late for service today.But then again,the sermon was great.IT is a wonder how God actually make something happen for a reason and at the end of it,you found that He is looking out for you.
In my previous entry,you all would know something bad happened on Friday.And now on sunday,dear old Pastor Tiak preached on how to limit personal freedom for the image of God and on Loving Confrontation.
So in my mind,i thought that perhaps God planned this little event in my life.The message affirmed and encouraged me.For not many would correct a close friend or something and risk the whole friendship.
Now i am not boasting of what i have done,nor am i proud of it.Given a choice,i would much prefer i didn't find out about it or go and correct her.But i did,which was why i have to uphold God's image and standard.Of course what she did was not something big or serious,but a little yeast will permeate through the whole dough of bread like what today's message was about.
I am sorry okay?I didn't mean to hurt you or anything.I just wanted to clarify matters.Is there really no chance for us to talk it through?
Scribble at 12:22 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Ouch!
Friday, September 12, 2003
Was stung and hurt this afternoon by someone who i really cared about.The fact that i cared doesn't really help to alleviate the initial onrush of emotions.For those who haven't tried it,DON'T!It hurts,really.
So much for the saying "Hit them where it hurts most."
But i wonder at the end of the day,does it make the both of us happy?It surely didn't for me.
I'm not angry
Just a tad bit sad that what she said in two sentence destroyed about one years of friendship?Was the friendship even considered when she said it?Maybe it was a small thing or something,but was i wrong in trying to clarify matters before the bitterness in me accumulate?I had considered that a bit of hostility would arise from it,but who could expect the strong words i received?
It's really a pity though,that i could lose a close friend like that.It really was a loss that was dearly felt by me.I never intended for any quarrel to come out of it,just thought that i'll settle it,clarify things and happily say good bye and then see each other tomorrow during YF.
And throughout all this,i think i didn't succumb to anger today.Writting this with a rational mind now.Well,if she chooses to walk out of the friendship like that,i can do nothing.But i guess i'll keep that place empty until she decides to come back or something,or else it's gonna be one very empty seat.LOL.
" 'In your anger do not sin' :Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,and do not give the devil a foothold."
Ephesians 4:26-27
Scribble at 07:36 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
Told You i'm Ross
Thursday, September 11, 2003
I'm Ross Gellar from Friends!
Take the Friends Quiz here.
created by
stomps.
As my previous post suggest,i'm sick my dear fans....Both heart and body.Let's just say i felt abused of my trust in people.
But who cares enough to call me and ask how's my health anyway?
Scribble at 10:26 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
Unwell
Thursday, September 11, 2003
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me
I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell
Scribble at 04:07 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
Man Down!
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
All right,so i did woke up at 5 am today to go running.Must say the results was not satisfactory.But Hey!I am having a cough okay!
As i was running around the first round,i noticed a pair of slippers on the grassy area of the void deck.As i went for the second round,i just had to take a look at the slippers,which turned out to be mine afterall!They somehow dropped from the 8th floor.One of the slippers was even on the road!This was followed by a bath,and organizing some movie outing which was attended by Liangjie,Chew wei and Tammy.Lol.We watched Pirates of the Caribbean.
After the movie,Tammy and Chew wei sort of lost thier mind and Tammy was obsessed with the rubber eye ball.Sorta saw both girls home and then i went to buy a soccer jersy with Liangjie at Yew Tee.Went home alone.Heh.
I'm not feeling really good now.Just felt sick and tired of everything.Of how people try to be funny.
I'm tired,depressed and sick.
How good can things get?There's still alot of stuff waiting for me to settle in Yf,mainly relationships stuff.Of course there are other stuffs,but by far this is getting heavy.
Scribble at 09:57 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
My Devious Mind
Monday, September 8, 2003
Conscious self | Overall self |
 |  |
Congradulations! You are a sword! You value truth,
honour and country. You tend to think things
over strategically before you rush into things.
What medievil weapon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Heehee,i think it's something Angela and Daniel can testify to,i have one of the most scheming and cunning minds in church.I can still remember how scary i was when dealing with rivals,i don't treat them as enemies,i just go by the book.Incedentally,i am also manipulative according to some of my brothers and sisters.I guess i have to attribute it to the German thinking instilled in me.
Cold,ruthless,determined,strategic,calm,disciplined.
Oh well,i guess i have to use some of those attributes when dealing with some of the people now.Tammy mei told me some of my brothers have crossed the lines.And it is my duty and responsibility to protect her.Because she is my favourite mei!Lol.Now of course i won't be ruthless,because they are my brothers.
Okie,so Rey was taken by his parents to a field trip at night to Holland Village.Must say that it was a nice place.I like the atmosphere at Haagen Daz the most!So cosy and quiet!Perfect place to bring my girlfr.....Wait a minute,Reynard doesn't have a girlfriend.DOH!Haiz,i'm starting to feel the pinch of being a bachelor.haha.
Mei asked me who the HER is that i always write about in my journals today.Didn't tell her anyway.But realise that over the days,i have been thinking alot less of her.Doesn't mean i don't like her,but rather,just want to concentrate on being a good brother to her also.If i can't do even that,how can i take up the responsibility of getting attached?
Speaking of relationships,Tam,what you wrote almost brought a tear to me eye.ALMOST.My decades(alright,months) of concern and teachings have not been to waste.Praise God!Lol.Buy u Haagen Daz next time.Chew wei,you also not bad lah,buy you a lolipop.So brothers,you all better buck up and go mature!
Scribble at 11:54 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
Out For a run.......In the MORNING!
Saturday, September 6, 2003
Hoho,yours truly did something crazy again.I stayed up,or rather,slept a little until 5:30am.And then i went for a run.And here i am now,eyes trying to get some sleep but only my disciplined determination have kept it opened.LOL.
The time taken for me this time was 15 minutes and 44 seconds.Not bad considering i haven't been running since the last i updated.
Oh well,hyper me is so bored now.I'll probably do my dg homework(lol),practice my drums abit,and sleep for a while.
Oh and did i mention i am planning to call Tammy later to give her a morning call?Not that she requested it,but i.....................Volunteered*evil grinz*
Today i'll be playing drums and cute ol'Hian is coming to Yf to learn guitar.Hope we can reach out to him.He's always been a great friend(not to mention enemy).Tomorrow my interview will be out so do buy a copy of the newpaper tomorrow!
Scribble at 07:10 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Should Capital Punishment be Abolished?
Tuesday, September 2, 2003
Okay,i just helped Mei did a speech on the above topic.And i think i can safely say i haven't lost my touch on argumentative essays!LOL.Because i like to contradict people,which in mei's immortal words,"That's what you are good at what!"
Okay enough nonsense,but tammy ,you still owe me dinner!muahahahaha!
By the way,my running time was 15 minutes and 36 seconds.Another record.But one thing puzzles me,i don't seem to be losing weight.Arrgh!I might have to change strategy by then.
One more thing,i am going to be interviewed by The Newpaper tomorrow!Hoho,your's truly is gonna appear on your evening papers!
Scribble at 11:54 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
Time to Say Goddbye(English Translation)
Monday, September 1, 2003
Time to say goodbye
When I'm alone
I dream of the horizon
and words fail;
yes, I know there is no light
in a room where the sun is absent,
if you are not here with me.
At the windows
show everyone my heart
which you set alight;
enclose within me
the light you
encountered on the street.
Time to say goodbye.
to countries I never
saw and shared with you,
now, yes, I shall experience them.
I'll go with you
on ships across seas
which, I know,
no, no, exist no longer;
it's time to say goodbye.
When you are far away
I dream of the horizon
and words fail,
and, yes, I know
that you are with me;
you, my moon, are here with me,
my sun, you are here with me
with me, with me, with me.
Time to say goodbye.
I'll go with you
to countries I never
saw and shared with you,
now, yes, I shall experience them.
I'll go with you
on ships across seas
which, I know,
no, no, exist no longer,
with you I shall experience them again.
I'll go with you
on ships across seas
which, I know,
no, no, exist no longer,
with you I shall experience them again.
I'll go with you.
You and me.
Scribble at 01:17 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Nice name.........
Sunday, August 31, 2003
MAKOTO: good; sincere
Sponsored by www.life-blood.cjb.net
What would your Japanese name be? (male)
brought to you by Quizilla
Service was great and............interesting.But the rest of the day was,well,boring.There was nothing to do except sit around and talk nonsense with Jianming and Liangjie.We briefly discussed about good make out spots.LOL.Alot of people commented on my hair.I think they look cool on me...hahahah.
In short,today was fruitful and fruitless too.
Scribble at 04:18 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
Morning Runs........and Rants....Haha
Saturday, August 30, 2003
Yup,i finally did the unthinkable.I camped out at my cousin's house watching GTO and anime,rested a while until 5am before going to run with him.But he had cramps(still ran faster than me) and we only had one and a half rounds,which,in my opinion is no kick.I want to feel exhausted and breathless!!!!!!Because it's the only thing that can get my mine off her.
It's been long since i got frustrated over things now.But yesterday,Mei didn't answer my sms which got me quite frustrated,but on the most part,worried!I hope she's all right though.I could have called her,but realise i didn't want her mom to nag at her anyway.
But on the most part,this past week has been quite fruitful.Had a few insights and new understandings on God and affairs of the heart.Heh.Oh man,i feel like i am writting for the sake of writting.I'm definitely not going to sleep now!Going to do Qt,prepare Bible studies ,do a few maths before heading off to YF.
Scribble at 07:19 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Amazing.............
Friday, August 29, 2003
I'm amazed at what i can write during my Secondary 4 years in my journal.Utter childish thinkings and nonsense.I've actually shamed myself!?
I was having some sorta fellowship session with Daniel just now at a food centre.It was in the talk that he pointed out that perhaps i have spoilt someone too much?Oh well,thinking carefully about it,i must agree with him.But don't worry,i still love and dote that person!LOL.However,Daniel did say something like ,"You reap what you sow,and you sow what you reap."The first line was cool,but the second line is utter bullshit.Makes me think that perhaps i have been too impatient and wanting things to be done and change in Reynard's timing and not GOD's?I must go and ponder over it.
By the way,to my jie,mei and whatever nonsensical relative i have(LOL),if there comes i time when i don't sms,call or message you,please do give me a call.I may need your help and presence.
One more thing,i am extremely tired right now.And i actually started to panick about my O's.
Scribble at 02:27 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Growing Old With You
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
Grow Old with You
I wanna make you smile,
Whenever you're sad.
Carry you around when your Arthritis is bad.
all i wanna do,
is grow old with you.
I'll get your medicine,
when your tummy aches.
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.
So it could be so nice,
Growing old with you.
I'll miss you,kiss you,
Give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you,feed you,
Even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in out kitchen sink.
Put you to bed when you had too much to drink.
Oh i could be the man,
who grows old with you.
I want to grow old with you.
Scribble at 03:58 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
I Love Ross(Yes,the Ross from Friends)
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
Today's episode of Friends' Ross pretty much reminds me of myself.
Why?
Because Ross is intelligent,sweet,kind and just the nice guy.But like me,Ross has no girlfriend.Today,Ross was like singing praises of Matt to a girl Ross likes.And i was thinking,it reminded me of myself.Me and Ross are victims of love,always on the giving side and watching other guys smooch the girls we love.Overall,i find myself sympathising with Ross.Because Ross and me is just so alike.
I mean,seeing my fellow brothers and sisters going to relationships isn't really encouraging as it makes all my efforts to stay out of it nil.I'm human,i need affection too.Just because i say i don't want one at the moment doesn't mean i don't struggle with it.
I mean life's so unfair,i work so hard for someone i like and my reward is to see her in the arms of someone that i usually know myself.I do get jealous too!
I look back,and i am washing away all my childish and naive thinkings.
Looks DOES play a part.
Okay okay,i'm not trying to act bimbotic or jerkish.On one hand,i want to build up my body too.
But i'm just sick of losing to jerks and idiots just because they look good.
Enough!
Scribble at 03:16 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
What Am i Doing Here?
Saturday, August 23, 2003
Hello beloved loyal readers!
Just finished watching The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen at home.Feeling so tired.
And what did i do today?I woke up and basically bum around until dusk where my day really begins.Talked to mei for a while on the phone hearing her go gaga over this cute guy from SJI whom she doesn't know anyway.Just so happens she takes the same bus as him.But oh well,that's my mei.And what to do?I was demoralized.Any guy would after hearing her describe him............i feel...........i feel........worthless????LOL.Am i that lousy anyway?
I guess what jie told me just now makes sense.I think i'm just trying to bury my feelings for her away and hope it rots.But i guess it's non-biodegradable.It's still there waiting for someone or something to dig it up.Why is it so hard to walk the straight and narrow path?Why can't i have the notion,like mei,to go wild in JC instead of thinking not to go into a relationship.Why should i be the perishing guy rotting and thinking of her every dawn till dusk?Why can't i just let myself go wild and do things i never imagine myself doing?
Because it's all for the glory of Him.
Went for a run as usual.Broke the record again.15minutes and 52 seconds this time round.Considering i stopped quite a few times.I wonder why i could still manage such a record.Guess i am getting fitter afterall.But as for the weight and waist factor....there's still no visible results...LOL.
Scribble at 03:52 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Nothing Much to Write About
Thursday, August 21, 2003
Eh Jan,paiseh that i ranted at you just now..
Ahhh...i just came back from another run.I clocked 16 minutes and 9 seconds.Another record!Praise the Lord for his protection during my nightly runs!My neck,for some unknown reason is aching.
Ah Mei finally called me today and kept me inform of her situation.And i had a heart to heart chat with my other ah mei,Jessie, just now.It was quite fruitful.I'm proud of her!
Oh and about my O'level English Oral today,it went smooth!But i had about 4 "lah" in my conversation.Bleah.
Whenever i go for my classes at Dhoby Ghaut,i always see couples holding hands,smooching and blah blah blah.Somehow i envied them.Just had that feeling that perhaps if i was with her,everything would be a bliss to me............
BUT WAKE UP!Now is not the time for these.I realise i have been very disciplined and motivated lately.Just like a German soldier.Not to mention the pride that comes with it.
Just train for a while more and after your O's Reynard......Then we will HAVE SOME FUN!*winks*
Scribble at 01:43 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
And the New Record Tming is........
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
16 minutes and 26 seconds!
For those not in the know,it's my new time record for running around half my estate twice.I have improved by approximately 2 minutes since last week!Whoa!It could have been better if not for the fact i had to stop and tie my shoe lace.But i'm happy!
Arrgh,xiao mei's sim card was confiscated today.Though it was quite wrong of her for her bill to shoot by over $50,i still think it was quite unfair.
My O'level English Oral Examinations is just a few hours away.I pray that i will not stutter and i can speak confidently!
I think i may sound vain or even gayish saying this.......but i think MY HAIR FEELS SO SOFT!hoohoo!LOL.Recently,i've been receiving praises from friends and church people alike......I'm like on cloud nine now!Am i really such a nice guy?heh.Blarh......Must stop myself before i get too excited.....Control Reynard....Control.....
Anyway you girls out there better watch out...because a newer version of Reynard is coming!!!!
Scribble at 01:30 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Fruitless Day
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Hoho...today was my sabbath day where i did nothing but eat,sleep and be merry!Supposed to go running but i am simply too lazy...haha.
I have a jie jie!LOL.It's my Huiping Jie.hahah.Now i got what i always wanted,an elder brother or sister.haha.Getting nonsensical liao.
Ah mei,i tell you,i will find out the mystery guy!Okay lah,maybe i should give up finding out.But anyway,don't be angry liao okay?Everything will be all right,tomorrow'll be fine.Maybe you shouldn't have told me of your migration plans,because i am starting to imagine things liao.LOL.And i shall consider if i want jieyi to be my other mei anot.Heh.
Camp committee members have been decided already.But Group leaders only a few.Hmm.Any volunteers?
Scribble at 01:37 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
New Things
Sunday, August 17, 2003
Sometimes,i wonder why i react the way i do.Find it quite stupid and childish anyway.Maybe God trying to help me mould my character by making me realise some of my bad points?
By the way,on Friday i went to Dominic's youth CG at his church!I finally get to see what Joe always told me as a "really nice and spirit-filled" church.I must agree.The cg was all guys!What a bliss!And i came at the right time,for there was a feast of pizzas and roast chickens!And it so happen i didn't have my dinner!LOL.The cg was really warm and fun.Reminds me of the time when i was in yenting's cg.The worship was great.Alot of things i learnt from the cgl who is old enough to be my uncle.And they prayed for me too when they heard i am also something like a cgl in the YF.I was really,utterly touch.Dom,if you are reading this,help me say thanks and regards to your cg again!
I went to see Jack Neo's Home Run on saturday.Very funny and quite political.Taking a dig out of Malaysia and the water issue.And then we went to the Hillsong's concert at Indoor Stadium.Followed by a visit to kallang airport for food!
I really feel childish about the way i responded on friday and today sia.Shouldn't have been so reactive.But well,what's done is done.It's not up to me anymore since Jan told her.LOL.I'm not angry by the way.
Scribble at 12:47 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
What's the Point?
Friday, August 15, 2003
Realised maybe i shouldn't have wrote that much in my last post.Who am i to do so anyway?But that is my thoughts of the day and i should just type it out.
It's just that i have already taken a lot of steps to get to know you better and show you love and concern just as a brother would.But even Jan at a point today say he would be pissed if he were me.But thank God he's not.LOL.But never mind,maybe i was just dreaming anyway.You will still be the same less one brother anyway.
Arrgh,forget about what i said lah,i still treat you as my sister.But it's up to you whether to treat me like a brother also.
Scribble at 11:52 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
No Complains.
Friday, August 15, 2003
I just realised Freddie linked me on his website without MY permission.Wow.And considering that he must have been reading my journals too.
For those eager to know,yes,i did went to deliver Famous Amos cookies to Tammy.With her Jan Kor too.
And then the whole thing started again,Jan was comparing tammy's reply sent to him and Tammy's reply sent to me again.And our final Ratio?
Jan's Sms : Tammy's Reply
1:1
Reynard's Sms : Tammy's Reply
4:1
3:1
2:1
1:0
How pathetic can that get?So i was feeling kinda pissed on the train with Jan.
BUT.............i have no rights to be sore or even pissed about it,isn't it?After all i chose to take the cookies to her and I chose to sms her anyway.Everything out of my own accord.So what rights have i to complain anyway?And here i have to apologise to Jan for being so sore.
Because
"Do everything without complaining or arguing,so that you may become blameless and pure,children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation,in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life-in order that i may boast on the day of Christ that i did not run or labour for nothing"
Philippians 2:14-16
Scribble at 11:18 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
Running again!
Friday, August 15, 2003
Yahoo!
I've been living a life,these two weeks,of what the government would call a healthy lifestyle.haha.Been going running every Monday,Wednesday and Friday.Today i went to run is because yesterday i didn't.
I like the feeling of running at night.Especially late in the night where there are nobody.Just feel as if it's only you and you alone.I like the sweat that comes with it as well.It feels as though everything has been purged out of me(fats,sins,frustrations....)And i actually feel healthier!
And tonight i didn't even stopped once.That feeling is great.
Realised i've been smsing my ah mei alot lately.
Sorry ar ah mei,when i know u trying to save phone bill.So i have decided to limit myself to sending you 5 smses only when necessary.Good right?
By the way ah mei,me and your jan kor is going to wreck havoc at you school tomorrow .LOL.Hope you don't mind*Evil Grin*
Actually it's just to deliver some delicious,not to mention your favourite,Famous Amos cookies!Hope those will brighten up your otherwise dull day!And to think you were scolding me being nonsensical in the afternoon.Touched anot?heh
To all those eligible and beautiful females out there,don't you think it would be very lucky to have me as a boyfriend?I'm AVAILABLE!(NAH,just joking,i'm single but unavailable)
Scribble at 03:01 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
17min 47 sec
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
Yup that's my timing for a distance of what my cousin estimated to be 3.6 km(sometimes i think he is BSing me).But anyway,i shall give him the benefit of doubt for my own benefit.Heh.
I kinda enjoy running these days.The strain in your leg,the stabbing pain in your lower stomach and liver area.Sounds sadistic but i enjoy that feeling.Just makes me push on further.Somehow i think i am in love with pushing my heavy body to the limit.
And of course,another culprit,because the word reason is too good for it,is because i am simply running to release my frustrations and anxiety and worries and what not..No thanks to Ah mei and my team.hahahaha.Mei ar,see how kor kor so good to you,better bring me the brownies on saturday!
Another reason is that i am simply running because i was stung by something deep in my heart.So actually it's really really sore now.heh.
But anyway,i am going to get fitter and thinner and therefore,GIRLS,watch out!For here i come!(another thing that can get me into a counselling session)
Scribble at 01:28 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Ai Wo De Zi Ge(loosely translated as Rights to Love me)
Monday, August 11, 2003
Scribble at 12:11 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
The Day i Stopped Caring.
Saturday, August 9, 2003
I remembered how Jianming,back in the good old days,told me about how,i quote,"The day i stopped bothering you or asking you questions is the day i stopped caring about you"
At that point of time,the young me could not understand the rationale behind such harsh words.But it has been maybe a year or two?Now i fully understand how he feels like.How would you like it when all you've been trying to do this time is to shower them with concern and what do you get?Some dulan faces and even lousy replies.
Wow,now that i'm in the shoes of Jianming ,i really really could feel that hurt in his heart when i must have rebelled or treated his concern like a nuisance.
Who can even imagine the tears he shed for his DG students and me when we struggled or failed to reciprocate that love.Tell me,who?!
I can.
And at the end of this,who actually pauses and think about what i must have been going through caring and caring and caring.
How i wish i could be like Jianming,moulding a man/woman out of those i am concerned.But no,things they have done and said made everything a struggle for me.Even those you were once closed to treat you like an enemy spy.And what have i done wrong but to obey the words of God?
And what about you?Those who actually knows what i am going through and those that read this,do you even give a damn?Do you for once think with your brains that perhaps Reynard also doesn't like being the bastard or whatever you wanna label me.Do you think i enjoyed that?Do you think i get a kick out of doing things i know that's bad but requested by God out of me?Do you absolutely think i've had fun all these times?!Who was there during those nights i can pray until i cry for the struggles this particular brother and sister must be going through?No,everyone is concerned about what you do on the surface.
And when all is said and done,who actually thanked you for the efforts you have made?Nothing!Absolutely nothing!They all think i'm having fun all these while!
How sad life is sometimes.
Do you really want me to say those words that Jianming had said to me?
Okie,maybe at this point in my writtings some of you know that you are the one i am writting about.Some may feel i am putting on an act or just plain disgusted.I wouldn't know.Nor do i beg for the response that some of you have not been giving me.Nor do i beg that you share with me your deepest struggles/secrets.But sometimes,can't it be the simple truth instead of saying ,"nothing" when only a blind men would believe?I would rather appreciate the blunt truth that it's not meant for me to know than a "nothing".But then again,i must be asking for the sun,afterall,who am i to you anyway?Possibly just someone that you would have passed by anyway.
Scribble at 10:15 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
Running
Saturday, August 9, 2003
Yo guys,about a hour or two ago,i went running with my cousin.I think we ran 2.4km.He quite cool sia,smoking while running and play handphone.........I passed the timing he set for me by 7seconds!!muahaha.Accomplishment. I gained 2 inches.........bad bad bad
Scribble at 03:16 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Front Line
Friday, August 8, 2003
Once again i'm on the frontline of an emotional onslaught.I admit that i still do like her,but on the other hand,my mind is clear as glass about what i should and must do.I want to obey God and stay committed to my convenant where i said i will not go into relationships and not do anything which may serve that purpose.And yet now,i find myself suffering from the withdrawal sypmtom again.I want to call,sms her but i am now resisting that very evil thought.I will not let someone chain my life and my lifestyle like that!I will fight the war and win!
Besides,i've always been the one giving and giving.Do not be mistaken.I do not wish to receive anything back from her.But can't she at least treat me and give me the respect a friend does?I feel like i am like being there for granted.And in the end,it all still amounts to nothing.....sad sad sad.
Perhaps i've wasted too much time on her.
Scribble at 03:38 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
On People's Opinions
Thursday, August 7, 2003
I quote,
"Reynard,Sometimes you can be such a Bastard who doesn't give a damn about other people's feelings."
STUNNED
What more can i say?This was a statement that was supported by my ah mei Tammy.
Double STUNNED
However,come to think of it,isn't it quite true?Sometimes,in my rush to get something done,i would show no mercy to anyone,not even Alywin.And when duty calls,i tend to stick to it.Sounds like the loyal soldier eh?It would have ended but brother jan added with a,i quote,
"Just like a dog obeying it's master"
Suddenly i become a dog.haiz,i guess this is how things happen when you do things according to what has been decided.Afterall,to be honest and truthful,how can a normal soldier always know about the plans of the High command?And Vice Versa.If i had not ask Jan yesterday about it,i would still not have known anything.That's why i always stressed to my friends,if you see something and you are unhappy with it,tell me.If not it will surely go on much to your disgust.
Perhaps i forgot to say this to my team.LOL.
Oh yah,i went for a 20 minute jog yesterday around my estate at night!Remarkable isn't it?
Scribble at 11:38 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Of Boys and Girls
Wednesday, August 6, 2003
Heya people,your beloved narrator is back!
I was thinking about BGR stuff recently....NO i am not going into one if you were wondering.It mostly happens to my brothers and sisters anyway.One thing i have felt is that any relationship that took place in YF,believe it or not,is a failure of leadership and interceding on the leader's part.And yet one of my fellow leader's are in a relationship!
The Yf has always taken an open ended,some would say ambiguous stand on this particular issue.Most regard it as sensitive and a potential minefield.However,if the leaders don't give a hoot about it,who will?
I was talking to this brother who was in danger of falling into a relationship with another sister.Through vague and open means,i found that his reason for a relationship when the YF is against it is soooooooooooooo .............HUMAN.I mean,the reason wasn't even God glorifying.And though they agreed later to be friends and all,he did not consider God in the first place.Would i let him near my sisters?NO WAY.And worst thing possible,he still call her names in which will make yours and my hair stand.He will be under monitor for a long long time.Not to mention when i asked if he could handle temptations of a relationship,he completely failed by saying,"i know i can handle the temptings".One has got to be a saint or God to even say such things.If one could manage what he just said,why would the devil waste time trying to tempt us?tsktsktsk.
Okay,perhaps what i had just rant about may make some feel like i'm a jerk,totally.Well,suffice to say,when i embarked to serve God,ugly issues tend to arise and that's when obedience to God is tested and your faith tested.BUT as long as it is what God commands,then so shall it be my will.There isn't any room for neutrals even in this kinda stuff,it's either for God,or against Him.And if that brother in the earlier paragraph were to read this,it would still be the same answer,Obedience to God wins all the argument u have presented before me.
Serve God or serve your desires.One will lead you into the narrow path that will eventually lead you to heaven.The other will lead you into a broad way filled with human desires and all and in the end,you hurt yourself and may find yourself slowly on a straight route without signposts to Hell.
Scribble at 11:29 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Cranky Day
Tuesday, August 5, 2003
Hahahaha........My mood completely change from seriousness to one big mad buffoon already.Because i am officially off the case and i am blacklisted by someone...heh.Do not mistaken that i am driven mad by sadness...I am really filled with joy.Because things could have ended up ugly.Well,God really provided a way out for me at least.Praised be to the Lord!
Today almost become a scandalous day.While on the phone with ah mei,she wanted someone to call in,so i suggested Kiat Yee.However,ah mei thought i had something going on with Kiat Yee because these few days i keep suggesting her to call in.......CUI!hahaha.......last thing i want is a girl to fall for me.....bleah...i'm surprised at the lies i can tell myself...hahah.
Oh well,conversation with ah mei was cranky as she said i was high on Adam Sandler,because i listened to too much crap from Mr Sandler.And we were like talking to each other with indian accent.Okay,i really got nothing much to say liao.
Guten Morgen!
Scribble at 12:55 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Not my will but Yours be done.
Monday, August 4, 2003
Well,Sunday afternoon,i did something that i myself hated to do.That of betraying the trust of others.I learn for myself the diffculties of following God's will and to give him obedience.All these is hard,very hard.
The result?
I brought myself to perform the deed though i myself do not feel good about it.But still,it was something that our Father above wanted me to do,and i shall do it.
Now i am relying on God's providence and guidance to reconcile with the sister if it ever needs to come to that.
Oh how true it is when the Martyr Jim Elliot said,
"He is no fool to give what he cannot keep and to keep what he cannot give."
I guess this was something i could not have kept myself any longer.
Scribble at 12:50 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Not bad,not good
Saturday, August 2, 2003
First of all,i had joy and fun in leading the team.And it's Sharon Chia's birthday!Happy Birthday!
Trivia of the day is that Chew Wei didn't know where to get cold water in coffee bean !hahahahahah.
well, another thing is that,i may be oversensitive or something,but i want to apologise to my ah mei.I realised i must have been quite harsh or even rude to insist that you either sit next to me or exchange places with chew wei.Yeah,though you may have your reasons to not want to sit beside me,i just feel that it is rude to just move one's chair and sit away from the person like he carries some plague or something.I mean,it makes me feel very uncomfortable to see like u are keeping one big space between us,and this applies to everybody i know.So now that you know my reason,SORRY!
Scribble at 10:02 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
4th Day
Thursday, July 31, 2003
Hahaha,it's the fourth day of the isolation period for me and her and i think it's no longer needed.Why?For i have settle the problem with God!AMEN!
No longer will the green eye monster arise with me and no longer will i feel hurt about this.Haiz,i finally see past my mistakes and set my eyes on Him.For in Him i can do all things......AMEN?
Scribble at 05:07 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
My Battle Plan
Thursday, July 31, 2003
Out of the blue you came into my life,
And you had my eyes.
You took away my cardiovascular system,
So it stopped beating.
You professed to love another,
And i could do nothing.
And Now that the Pain is upon me.
It is unbearable.
So let my heart be harden,
And May it never soften
Scribble at 12:18 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
A Haiku by Reynard Lim and Tammy Zeng
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Thou art cold and far
Your purity sought after
High up with the stars
Heh,above is a haiku by me and my ah mei Tammy.Before you all think i very free,actually it's to help her with her homework.
Haiz,it's the third day and the pain is still on me.Hearing reports that will arouse my wrath and green monster isn't helping.Though the isloation is doing fine.Am i a really such a jerk??I don't know,all i know is if i do not control and suppress my feelings,i will be the world's No.1 jerk.hahahah.Actually ZhaoQiang said i very noble,a pity no one thinks so.
Scribble at 10:54 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
2nd Day
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
Guten Dag!
It's the second day of isolation for me from her and i think i am making progress.Though the isolation period is only one week.It really was a pinful decision on my part.But God's will be done,not mine.I have seen become lethargic,but again it won't be long.heh.
Taking this time,i have to admit i was trying too hard.So i guess next time,i won't care about anything and just be myself when i talk to anybody that i have a liking to.hahahaha.I got the appetite but not the looks for girls.Hoho,if any leader see what i have written i might as well go and die liao.
However,i have to admit this is not the time for me to be concern for a relationship neither am i worthy and ready for one.Besides,i have to lead by example in the YF.And then there's always the assurance God will pick a beautiful wife for me....Beauty is in the eye of the beholder once again.After all,if i enter into a relationship,my thinking has always been,"i'm not here to play around but to be serious".So i guess starting at a later age does increase the chances of me having a one hit wonder.
Well,i may not be philosophical or intellectual like some people i know,but then i think writting with a sincere heart and doing God's will is always better.For because if i proceed to do the latter,i have God's backing.Hahahah.
I guess that's all for today.
Scribble at 01:59 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
The Story of the Moon,Part 2
Monday, July 28, 2003
It's been a few hours since i last wrote the Story of the Moon.And after much debating,weeping and praying.I have come to a decision.Here goes..............
The Story of the Moon,Part 2
I knew i could never be the stars that accompany you every night or be the one that flys and make craters on your beautiful surface.And yet i dream that everynight i could fly to the you.
So i have decided,God made me what i am not to chase after the moon.But to do His will.With the pain that comes and the reluctance that follows,i will no longer worship the Moon but Him who created the Moon.
Most important of all,i have learnt to admire the average human being.
Scribble at 01:06 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
The Story of the Moon by Reynard
Sunday, July 27, 2003
The Moon,a natural beauty to behold.One of the wonders of God,its faint light draws attention to herself,not that the moon meant to,but that was her charm.Look at the stars about her,those shiny stars ,all so beautiful and attractive to look at.Thiers lights winning the admiration of everyone.And looking at the pretty stars about the moon,what can i,a mere average human being,do to be close to the moon?
I look around,people seem to live charmed lives,even though they can't fly,they can almost talk the moon down and fly up through the space shuttles to be with the moon.Landing on her beautiful surface and making impressions in her.And yet i,can only stand and watch in awe at the moon.Such is the distance that exists between the moon and i though i can see the moon clearly and even take pictures of the moon.
And i look again,to see myself standing and admiring the moon from where i am............again.
Hi guys,i'm back to serious writting after a series of events that started the story above.I'm with a heavy heart.Hope you find the story interesting.
Scribble at 06:41 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
someone's rambling i found
Thursday, July 17, 2003
Something i found on the net.
Friends, Americans, stupid dumbasses, lend me your ears.
I come to praise the war, not criticize it.
The wars that men declare live after them
The good is oft interred with their bones
So let it be with war. The noble Bush
Has spoken to you and told of the noble war
If it were so, it would be a good thing
And in good response would it be carried
Here, under the leave of the CIA and the Office of Homeland Security,
(For they are honorable institutions
So are they all, honorable institutions
Come I to speak for war
It is bloody, and will cost many lives
But Bush said it was good
And Bush is an honorable man.
He has ruined our economy
And emptied our budget
Did this in the U.S. seem good?
When the rich have cried, Bush has lowered taxes;
Stupidity should be less common
Yet Bush says it was good
And Bush is an honorable man.
You all did see at the United Nations
Where many times did the world protest
Yet Bush says it was good.
And sure, Bush is an honorable man.
I speak not to point out the obvious,
But here I am to speak what should be obvious (because if it isn't, you should be slapped)
You all did love peace once, and not without cause.
What cause makes you fanatics not understand peace?
O judgment, thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And Americans have lost their reason! Bear with me.
The war is ridiculous, and I must stop
To mourn those that will die as a result.
Scribble at 11:53 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
My attempt on poetry
Monday, July 7, 2003
Standing Here
Standing here,i wanted to go over but the fear in me pulls me back.
Now i hear,that he's gone forever from your heart,but i hid my heart in a bag,
Like a hare,i tried to run to you very hard,but i kept looking back and pass you by,
Now i'm here,wishing to say hi but i could only wish goodbye.
Scribble at 10:29 p.m.
[ something for me? ]
TESTS!!!!!!
Friday, June 20, 2003
My Personality
Reynard, you're an Observer!
That means you're one of the more kind-hearted people around. You are unusually intuitive, and you probably understand yourself, as well as others. That also means you're a good mediator — though you may prefer to spend more quiet time on your own than most.
Because of the self-knowledge you already possess, you are better equipped than many to steer your life in the right direction. Understanding more about the components of your personality will reveal unique information that even people like you might not realize. And the better you know yourself, the more confident you'll be making decisions that affect your life.
How do we know this about you? Because while taking the test, you answered questions that measure the basic traits that make up your personality. We scored your answers on different personality characteristics and discovered not only that you're an Observer, but where you stand on those proven scientific scales.
My IQ
Your IQ score is 122
This number is the result of a formula based on how many questions you answered correctly on Emode's Ultimate IQ test. Your IQ score is scientifically accurate; to read more about the science behind our IQ test, click here.
During the test, you answered four different types of questions — mathematical, visual-spatial, linguistic and logical. We were able to analyze how you did on of those questions, which reveals the way your brain processes information.
We also compared your answers with others who have taken the test, and according to the sorts of questions you got correct, we can tell your Intellectual Type is an Inventive Inquisitor.
You have the unusual distinction of being equally good at math and verbal skills. This means you are a creative thinker and are uniquely good at teaching others through experiences. You are also a great improviser and very good at handling change.
What Drives Me??
Reynard, your Key Motivator, the thing that really drives you to success in life, is Prestige.
Based on your answers about values, past behaviors, and internal priorities, we can tell you look for ways to be publicly admired, to win in competitive situations, to be in a position of authority, or to be wealthy. In addition, you may find that you're also motivated by aspects of stability, connection, experience, and curiosity
Scribble at 03:55 p.m.
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Dory....i love Dories
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
What Finding Nemo Character are You?
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Scribble at 08:50 p.m.
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A really really bad day..............
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
You are Ephesians.
Which book of the Bible are you?
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You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.
What kind of kiss are you?
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Haiz,i seriously don't understand why there are people that understands immediately and some who just like to F*&K around with you.Does she expect me to work magic?Three days to work out a plan from scratch and then add in details and logistics.And yet it was not this that was the last straw.It started when she wants things to be done....that in itself is not a bad thing.And then the last minute meetings on weekends which pisses me off.One minute we are thought to fellowship and the next we are sitting in a meeting.I understand it's for the camp but surely there are other days for it.And then the camp rules,what the hell does she want man?I was told to send it and i specifically said my printer spoil liao then she expect me to memorise everything and write out everything.And then she complains about how hard her life is.What about my fucking life?Do i not have problems too.Now i think only an idiot will not know who is the SHE.
By the way,then some guy will come and see my website and then go off telling people what happened to the camp com and how there were unhappiness.Such people have no honours man.I think i might consider making a password for my site.
Scribble at 01:17 a.m.
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My Personality
Thursday, June 5, 2003
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | Low |
| Schizoid: | Low |
| Schizotypal: | Low |
| Antisocial: | Low |
| Borderline: | Low |
| Histrionic: | High |
| Narcissistic: | Moderate |
| Avoidant: | Low |
| Dependent: | Low |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | Low |
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- | |
Dunman High
which secondary school (singapore) should you be in?
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Scribble at 01:24 a.m.
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Strange Trends........
Friday, May 2, 2003
Arrgh!!!!!!!I forgot to update the journal after i wrote it and i have to write again!
Seems like everyone is keeping an online blog.Some i would never dream of.Well,a chameleon does change it's colours.
SARS equals Singaporeans Are Really Scary.Hahahahah.That's Pastor Tiak's own lil'name for it.Respect for the medical team always come in times of need.Well,that's singaporeans reactive nature in them.And the media has been cashing in on it as well.Featuring commercials which glorify the medical team in the hopes of gainning the support of the mass.Well,it's a win-win situation anyway,.The medical staff earns some respect while the Media earns some money as a result of the respect earned.Heh.
I am on Camp Committee!MUAHAHAHAH.Finally i get to plan the camper's tor....oops,enjoyable experience in the camp.Always something new to learn.Meaning i have to get my ass going and work!Something that is actually worth looking forward to in my state of lethargic existence.
Yeap,Rey's back with more personal thoughts and quotes of the day.By the way,a porn site managed to locate me and post in my guestbook sia!What to do?Can only blame that i am famous.Heh.
Meanwhile,please visit http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com/index.html
It's hilarious!
Scribble at 04:30 a.m.
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Fierce Reactions.
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
Hey hey brother,Relax lah.Am i stopping you?Did i interfere with your love life?Okie i did but that was always after it's over.Muahahaha.So i guess i never really poke into your life .
Scribble at 07:02 p.m.
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On War
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
I was looking through the news today,i mean yesterday on the Iraqi war.things are getting really interesting though,103 americans dead and about 20 of them being captured.I always knew the Iraqis aren't that weak.Afterall they are a militant nation.
I must say this though.War is certainly the last thing we want to see here,but when we think about this in logic,it is hard to trust the words of a man with a proven track record that he is untrustworthy.Therefore,the war is sad,but neccessary.Besides,to quote the words of President Bush,"We are fighting this war now in Iraq with tanks,planes and ships so that we won't have to fight the war with doctors,firemen and police in our streets."Very true indeed.
I visited some journals and found that well,they don't really miss school that much.Even the sister who had wished there was school in the midst of holiday because she's bored.Seems to me brother Jan has been seeing some girls recently...hahahahah.By the way,my grandpa came back from Down Under and guess what,he bought tonnes of Kitkat and nougat for the little ones at home,though the nougats seem to be benefitting me.According to him,Australian Kit Kat is nicer and richer....which i must agree.
One last thing to add,i am sunburnt during my little trip to Sentosa with my team and Jiamin's.Plus my handphone did a little dip in side the water so it is with Nokia Care Centre now.
And to my lil'sis(you know who you are):
You quite funny leh.Though i dunnoe who you writting to in your last entry,but if he or she means so much to you,let the person in question know lah!How that person know when you keep quiet?Tell the person and mend the friendship lah!
Scribble at 04:23 a.m.
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Lethargic Mode
Thursday, March 20, 2003
Haiz,found myself being passive liao.Daniel noticed i've become less lively .hahah.Maybe it ia a sign of maturity?heh.I seriously doubt so.But anyway,looking at alot of people in church,i guess i am pretty well off.As in,i have friends and i have love from my parents.
Really nothing much to update about my life.Just that people seemed to be abit cold towards me recently.Plus,i think i am pissing alot of people off.haiz.Not that i meant it.Guess i can be a jerk at times.Come to think of it,i never really understood the meaning of jerk.Muahahah.
Scribble at 04:35 p.m.
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Some Funky Quizzes from my sister's website
Tuesday, March 4, 2003
What Type of Villain are You?
mutedfaith.com / <º>
You come from Heaven. You're the purest of pure, a
saint. You're probably an angel sent directly
from Heaven.
Where Did Your Soul Originate?
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Scribble at 09:41 p.m.
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God's Encouragement to Me
Tuesday, March 4, 2003
A short summary of my day.I have been rejected by the Tourism management course.And of course i forgot to update,all my subjects pass in O'level except for Maths and Science.......DISEASTER.
However ,a brother sent me a message asking me to read 1 Corinthians 15:55-58.At first,i was asleep in my Grandma's house and i have no bible there.Then through some strange twist of fate which i believed to be God's doing,the electricity supply for the house went short-circuit ,rendering me very warm.So i head for home and decided to see what the verse was.So here goes,
"Where,O death,is your victory?
Where,O death,is your sting?"
The sting of death is sin,and the power of sin is the law.But thanks be to God!He gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Therefore,my dear brothers,stand firm.Let nothing move you.Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord,because you know that your labour in the Lord is not in vain.
When i read it,i began sobbing.For such is His promise and encouragement to me.I cried and i prayed to Him to sustain me in whatever was to come.
Felt so peaceful inside now.
Scribble at 12:34 a.m.
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O'levels tomorrow....The results lah!
Friday, February 28, 2003
Yup,the results for the 2002 O'levels will be out at 2:30pm tomorrow.I feel a bit nervous but at the same time ,hopeful.So far ,what Pastor Ed quoted last Sunday sustains me."God Has No Evil Plans For Me"Yup,i believe it,so even if i fail,i think God has something in it for me that will benefit and mould my character in the long run.I AM sounding optimistic because God will bring the sun out after a storm.
One good thing to lighten the mood here.My soccer skills are getting better!!!!Muahahahha.So much so that scoring goals is no longer impossible to me and one on one with an opponent as the last man proves to be only an exciting point of a match.Lately,friends have been commenting that i have slimmed down though in my eyes,i am still fat,though a handsome fat guy actually.Heh.
Well,i just hope no matter what the results will be,i will not step out of line with God's plan.I hope i can view any negative consequence with the usual optimism that i always had possess.God Bless!
Scribble at 12:36 a.m.
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Worrisome week.
Wednesday, February 19, 2003
It's been long since i step foot...errr in this case step a finger in here.Really nothing much to update about.Oh yah,Danny has implemented some changes in YF.It's quite good actually.Although people may beg to differ with me,it's really hard to satisfied everybody.But people ought to realise that they shouldn't insist on wanting thier own ideas to be implemented.Well,at least they have the chance to be heard.
Worrying for a sis of mine.People ask me why i worry or even care so much for my sisters....I dunnoe,perhaps it's because i really have nothing to do?heh.No lah i love my sisters.Just that some i go the extra step and care for them.Currently i have two such sisters.Just found out what a brother of mine did.Never did know he was capable of such matters...But well,know the person but not the heart they say.Don't worry ,i don't hate him though......not worth my effort.
Scribble at 04:07 p.m.
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I'm Like A Bird
Monday, February 3, 2003
Evil
What Kanji word best suits you?
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SOunds so.....................like me.:)
I looked at my archives of two years ago.I just realise i was quite an idiot.When i write about my crushes,i get so obvious and write those stuff that make my hair stand on one end.Hahah.AHHH............it feels so good to be without a target.Solitude still works for me i guess.Heh.Haiz,so many girls will be disapointted on learning i am so content with solitude.hahahah.For those who never liked me,quite a relief ,isn't it?For the guys,it's another relief ,isn't it?Because a strong opponent has removed himself from the competition.Oh,for those who have rejected me,Thank You!I think all this have put me through some trainning.And besides,without your rejection,i wouldn't have learnt so much precious experience.Can't be lovers still can be friends.Heh.I just feel so relaxed.Phew.Oh and you know who you are!* winks*
Scribble at 02:52 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
New Year Rants
Sunday, February 2, 2003
Yoyo,hihi.It's me again!Your suave narrator who has been with you since you started reading this blog.
Well,today did a crazy thing.Kah Kee ansd i watched two movies in a row......all midnight shows.It was good and of course,tiring.At first Kah Kee thought i was mad,but then again,i was always the one with surprises.And well,maybe he thought correctly afterall.Heh.And this little venture proved too much for him,he fell asleep during the second movie,Shanghai Knights.
My personal economy fares quite well compared to my cousins.Well,it's a blessing.It's been a bad year,so any smell of "salt" is understood.
I am so frustrated now.My brothers played with my drumsticks today and somehow i can't find the binder that keep the sticks together and if someone don't give me any answer soon,i think i might just blow my head off which in fact would be bringing a smile to my readers .Am i not wrong?
It's gonna be 5am soon.Sleep beckons.Must obey.So i guess i should say this.GOOD MORNING!
Scribble at 04:39 a.m.
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Short-Lived happiness
Monday, January 20, 2003
It's been long.
The last i wrote,i said i was happy in Jiamin's cg.That happiness,however,was short-lived.It's not because i suddenly find something bad about the cg.But it's because i have been transferred.Yes i have been moved to Sharon's cg instead.Honestly,i find it hard to love the cg there.Don't be misunderstood,those are nice people in there,but somehow i just don't feel belonged there.And the reason for the move?It's because Sharon needed someone to "succeed" her.Come next week,sharon will be stepping down as cgl to be a dgl in the Junior Youth ministry.Haiz,i will miss jiamin's cg.But i guess if it's God's plan for me,something will work out.:)I will be leading the team next week.Still,i don't really feel up to it.Will pray on this.Meanwhile,i accept any prayers,tips and whatsoever on thr role of a teamleader.
Scribble at 06:15 p.m.
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Jialat and Sian.
Wednesday, January 8, 2003
Haiz,a few minutes ago i wrote quite a long update for the journal but somehow it didn't get updated.............So here goes again
Found out my new cg for this year last saturday.I like it.Very mix and i feel comfortable with them.For the guys got Jan,Chinteck,Alywin,Anthony and some graduates from kid's club and of course the man himself,ME.For the ladies got Jiamin(CGL leh),janice(Alywin's sister),Candice,Tricia,Yenting and Yiting.Vey mixed as you can see.While the guys create havoc,the ladies can TRY to keep the peace(noticed i emphasized TRY?)Yup i like the cg and it's members very much and thank God.
Well,i sorta made a sister angry with me yesterday.I wonder why,i wonder how did i made her angry.I thought she could take jokes well.Maybe i went abit too far.But whatever the reason,i do apologise when it's my mistake.So,Very sorry if you are reading this.Can forgive me or not?
Somehow i think i made alot of gals angry recently.Jialat sia.
Scribble at 01:32 a.m.
[ something for me? ]
Reflections until now.........
Monday, January 6, 2003
Yo yo folks,waited long for this entry?heh.Too bad,I don't care!
So the year 2002 had passed and now 2003 is here.The past year has been full of joy and sorrows for me...As i looked back,i see how God is still moulding me.And then there's the GIRL.Thank God even as this is typed,my focus is slowly coming back.Can't really reflect on how the year has been to me.I've learnt alot of things and gained quite an experience.Alot of first times though.Including the first time i've told someone i liked her.hahaha.
Another reflection.The year has also been the prodigal son's return....or in this case,the daughter.heh.My young sister jessie has finally reached a level of maturity in Christ.Always have been encouraged at how she will tell me the verses which spoke to her and all that.See that she's thinking much more.The year has also been quite a harvest...the YF has quite a number of new converts and regulars now.Praise be to God.I've made some more close friends too.Welcome Alywin to my family..hahahah
i won't touch on the unhappy issues...because i count my blessings!
That's all folks!
Scribble at 04:43 p.m.
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Very simple layout. Most the time was spent editing the picture and even that took like half an hour to an hour. Not much effort went into this, in other words. Found the picture, danced with joy, played in Photoshop with a vague concept of what I wanted it to look like and here it is. I love it.
Thanks to Daryn for his good heart in helping me design this greenish layout giving me the chance and hope to show off ( just kidding ).
Image can be found at Looroll Wallpapers Ultra.
Please don't stalk me
Name: Reynard Lim Yi Kai
Goes By: Funkyfats / Kaiser
First Cry: 1986 March 21
E-mail: da.kaiser@pacific.net.sg
Blood Type: O+
Height: 171cm
Weight: 80kg
Want to know?
Likes: Sporty girls with a good character, drums, food, soccer, volleyball and Classical music.
Dislikes: Smart Alecs, people who talk too much.
Vices
I'll bite my fingernails, slack alot and ask stupid questions .
Archives
x.
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