Don't start thinking dirty guys.On Friday,the 19th of November 2004 i officially got my first trophy in 18 years of my life!lol.We are the Shield Champions for the under-20 boys Ten-a-sides Rugby series.

Well Mission trip is coming and i better buck up to Father.Do pray for me ya?

Scribble at 12:47 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

A gentleman's life
Tuesday, November 16, 2004

I'm up from the emotional slums already.Thanks to the overnight prayer meeting on last wednesday.Praise be to the God who restores my soul for whose staff and rod comfort me.

Well i think a very cool thing to do when i actually do have a good book and some time off would be to go down to a cafe and sip some tea.A rainy afternoon would be perfect.Just sitting there and sipping tea and be lost in thoughts.Even if i am attached,my girlfriend can sip tea with me and just rest and chat.Right, Alywin would probably think i have some fetish with tea and feels that i need a life.Liangjie would say,"Stop your carnage" to me and assumes i am being crazy.But i think this is the finer things in life.People are just too busy with movies,clubbing and the like they don't even enjoy a few quiet moments anymore.Well, you argue you can enjoy life with coffee then so be it.I sip tea because i am really very anglicised inside me.

But i do feel that i belong to the extreme in the sense that i think some scones with fresh cream and jam coupled with the tea would be nice.

And to the guys out there,asking girls out for a movie is getting old.Why not bring them for ice cream or.......sip tea?

Scribble at 03:24 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Low point of my life
Friday, November 5, 2004

If you are smart enough,i think the title of this entry is clear as day.

I seriously doubt the value of Christian friends.Seriously,there are people who cares about me even when unlooked for in Church.My disappointment lies with those who should have cared and did not or never did.Oh yes,i just love it when i'm the prosecutor.

Why am i so disappointed with this particular group of people?Simply for the fact that i, have showed them more care and concern than anyone else.I'm not asking for a reciprocal relationship.However, it saddens me to see that my smses have been largely ignored by somebody alleged to have said that she love and cares for me(not the romantic kind you nitwits).While i have given her the benefit of doubt, a conversation today on msn proved that my assumptions that she couldn't be bothered was quite true.Despite obvious hints and hints that you can't miss unless your an idiot.She didn't seem to have catch on.Either she's an idiot or just ........act blur?I mean seriously,was it very diffcult to ask me about my life instead of telling me to change without knowing the course?Or were you just interested in your own life right from the start?I refused to believe it initially,but aren't you glad your proving me wrong?

Oh and to my brothers(church one la),is fellowship only something to be enjoyed on a weekend?So far i have only a few whom i know cares but the rest are just ornaments who cares when they are free or .........feeling bored.

There is more i can say.You have not shown an interest in my life while expecting me to be.You complained and get angry when i don't.But seriously as much as i enjoy doing it,i, as a mere human can only take so much crap from the world and i need someone to care enough.

Once again,i type this not as a means to seek the attention that i want.It's offending people anyway.But rather,the reason why i type is because no one is there to listen to my rants.And i need to clarify that i write this out of the frustration of noticing people don't care,not that i want the attention.I have them.But i'm just sore people who's supposed to care doesn't.

Pardon one offence and you encourage the commission of many

Scribble at 10:43 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

A quote by Horace
Sunday, October 24, 2004

"Adversity reveals the genius of a general;good fortunes conceal it."

How true is that?

Scribble at 11:37 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

Post Promotionals over!
Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Yes la!My dear folks,i have finished promotional exams and the post activities too.Rugby got 2nd for the sports camp!SR RUGBY SAT SAT BOH JIO,WAH SEH!

Okay,anyway,while i was clearing the rugby stuff from the teacher's room,i saw sly old Mr Neo looking and having this sly smile on his face...He called me but i didn't hear so he walked up to me and asked if i'm too afraid to see him....lol....Anyway he said i did quite well for Econs!!!!woo hoo!Wanted to see his reaction if i told him i didn't study at all...lol.God be Praised.

Anyway,i'm bored.

Scribble at 10:28 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

Damn sensitive nowadays...tsk tsk
Friday, October 1, 2004

I guess i'm very sensitive to comments/events around me nowadays...not that i am sore about it,but it does makes one feels jealous/angry/uncomfortable and all the what-nots.....

SIGH!

Scribble at 10:23 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

Tomorrow's promotion!
Thursday, September 30, 2004

Well folks,tomorrow's my first JC promotional exams.During the 4 days of study break,i didn't touch on my books,i renamed the four days "break" from study instead....lol..Anyway,come what may,i will not allow myself to get into a relationship.I must be very stable.

Memories came flooding back recently.

I think i don't lead a very exciting life...i don't live life on the edges and maybe that's why i am not charming enough....lol!I am charming but lack that spark.But then again,i just happen to think further than normal guys and happen to think of consequences when i do things what.....so unfair when you are thoughtful.haha.But oh well,better lead a life right before God than a right life before ladies...lol

Scribble at 10:53 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

Has it come to this?
Tuesday, September 28, 2004

I was thinking,praying and reflecting.

It hurts us more than you hurt yourself.I can never understand your pain.But it does pain me seeing you like this.I don't get any enjoyment seeing your tears.But, at a certain point last night, i did blame myself for not having the love,faith and care that God has.I will never have it until the day He calls me home.Therefore,i can never love you the way God did.I blamed myself that i could not have prevented this.But i realise you have to go through this ordeal in your life.You will only come out of it a stronger woman.Prove to those you hate at the moment that you will not give up your faith!The forgiveness is ever flowing.I wish i could do more than listen to you but i can't and i am sorry.
I had this silly thought that maybe if i die,maybe you will turn back,but i still has God's plans to do.

I will continue to pray and love you even when you do not believe in it yourself.

Scribble at 12:16 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

Sigh.....
Friday, September 24, 2004

I looked at yeaterday and i sighed.I wondered out loud to God what does this mean?
An attack of the devil?
Honestly,i don't feel so frustrated anymore.Maybe i shouldn't have been so harsh.Maybe i should have ate the humble pie again.But i had to make very clear that i think i deserve some basic respect.But then again,i should have died to my rights.Sigh,,,Brother Paul,it's hard to emulate you.

Reflecting on yesterday, actually there was something she said which made my heart soften.I try to understand ,but must admit i did not understand u as well as you and i thought.

Whatever it is,i've fallen to the bait of satan again....hook line and sinker.

Scribble at 04:28 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

Lol, what kind of a relationship type i am....
Sunday, September 19, 2004

eXpressive: 5/10
Practical: 3/10
Physical: 3/10
Giver: 1/10

You are a RSIT--Reserved Sentimental Intellectual Taker. This makes you a Archetypal Older Child.

You are a hard nut to crack. You have a wicked sense of humor. Despite your reserved nature, you are more comfortable (and successful) in the meeting and courting mode than you are in a long term relationship. You feel misunderstood, and usually you are.

When you're in a good mood, you're funny, fascinating and a sexy firecracker, but when you're in a bad mood you are moody, broody and impatient. In courtship mode, you don't have to let anyone see your moody side. If you had your way, even in a long term relationship you would have enough time apart to deal with your bad moods yourself; unfortunately, it rarely works that way.

You stifle *a lot* of anger and frustration -- from all areas of your life -- so when it comes out it comes out nasty. More than any other type, your conflicts tend to turn on one tiny thing -- the dishes, the laundry -- that's really a scapegoat for your larger dissatisfactions with your relationship. You're baffled that your partner just can't do the dishes -- your partner is baffled that it's such a big deal. The only way around it is to let the dishes go entirely and try to get at the real root of what's bothering you.

I'm making you sound like a bear, but the fact is that you're so warm and charming most of the time that it effectively offsets the times you're unhappy.

You will make a weirdly good parent.

Don't pair up with someone who'll make sexual demands of you. That's just not going to fly at all.

Of the 90103 people who have taken this quiz, 5 % are this type.

Well i supposed it's quite true

Scribble at 10:07 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

Baptised!
Wednesday, September 1, 2004

Well on the 29th of August, i got baptised at Big splash!Muahaha now i am part of the Universal family of the Church and publicly Christian!.

Oh well, i think i better buck up for promos....sigh.... Anyway people, i want to remain single for the time when i am in college and NS i guess.

Well i think i like her...but why say so when i do not intend to get attach or something.I'll not be irresponsible like last time again.God give me the strength for i really need it.Need Your grace to pull me through this one.

Scribble at 11:13 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

Finally had the motivation to blog....
Friday, August 27, 2004

Heya people,i'm back again!

Well,i'm currently in that phase where girls does not interest me and neither do friendships.But i think i should snap out of it(but keep being uninterested in girls is good).I lack love....not to be loved but for love to overflow me so that God's love can be seen through me!

Well,these past few weeks of reflections certainly had its benefits.I have decided to let go what i cannot keep and take what i cannot lose.Well,that being said,i feel much better.Learnt to see things in a wider perspective now.So what if she upsets me?Or he hurts me?I am still God's son.

Well Father,i need you,please come into my life.I mean,i am so sad now.So Father,fill me with the joy of knowing the Lord again.
Amen.

Scribble at 02:02 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

YF, My YF.
Friday, July 30, 2004

Even as i am writting this now,bombs are flying above me.Bombs in my mind waiting to be detonated.After a couple of years,Yf is finally up and running and looks poised to be in for the great future the Lord has in stored for us.

But what is stopping us?

The enemy's attacks have been severe,claiming alot of victims.All the while people have been keeping silent,too silent until the damage is beyond remedy.Aren't we supposed to be the Lord's children?Shouldn't the enemy be handed over us with his butt on the plate?But yet somehow,the Lord has withheld His Glory from us.

THERE IS NO GLORY IN THE YF!
Have we ever kept our promises to God?Why are we doubting His majesty?Supposed a king told you he will free you from jail,isn't His word good as gold?But we continue to live in doubt.Our decisions are based on emotions rather than obedience.If they is no obedience,can we have His presence?And without His presence,there is no glory in the church then.

We only talk of submitting to God's will after having our way,but is that doing God's will?I supposed not.Right now,my stomach is full of that anger,be it righteous or not.

Words He has given,Words He has said,But who will hear ?Let those who has ears,hear.

Scribble at 04:07 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

URRRAH!(Russian version of Banzai i think.)
Friday, July 16, 2004

I passed History!haha...And i'm highest in class for chinese!heh.Plus one of the few who passed GP.Glory to God!Because i didn't study and He helped me spot questions and gave me wisdom.

Gracias,Dad!

Scribble at 01:53 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Exam's over,but results are back!
Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Oh well,so far i managed an E for mid-term in economics,a C5 in GP.Don't know about history except that i probably passed.But bearing all these in mind,maybe i'll flung them all when combined with CA.This is ridiculous!

Oh,my ankle's starting to hurt too.Dang!Sometimes i think about our YF and give thanks that we are growing.But yet with alkl the major changes taking place this month,with the leaders coming and going,the ride's probably going to be shaky.Oh i am going to have a bunch of DG students under my care soon though.At least that's something to look forward to.Changed cg from Jessy's to Angela's too.

Danny Koh's been keeping me under close guard.Not because i am dangerous,just that he's abit uptight about me and his daughter.We promised not to talk about it though.But i'm expressing my thoughts now...so it doesn't count.haha.Oh and for you gossipers out there.....I'M NOT ATTACHED!So don't start thinking.And for the girls out there,that doesn't mean u have a chance to get close to me either.Back to the topic anyway,i find it very amusing .Honest!I find it funny that people aren't open to friendships,especially close ones,with someone of the opposite gender.I do recognise the dangers though,but there should be a partial trust or freedom in it i guess.However,Danny is open actually.But you know,as a father,he's bound to be anxious.And that amuses me as well.

Maybe i'm wierd la.But i think it's kinda amusing anyway.

The word of da day is ,"Amusing"

Scribble at 09:56 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

The book of Quotes
Monday, June 21, 2004

Being a boring monday afternoon,Alywin and i decided to come up with quotes for christian living with topics attached.

On Love

"love transcends all human understanding. it's a formless art, transforming itself as and when it likes. being a gift from God, it's as sacred, as the silent whisper of the holy spirit"
-Alywin

"Love in it's purest form cannot be in it's most perfect form,because love in it's purest form has been demonstrated by Christ's wounds"
-Reynard

On Humility

"a humble heart wins all quarrels, it cannot be challenged and will always remain the victor."
-Alywin

"Great is he who dwells in the hut of humility"
-Reynard

Now at this point,Liangjie joined us where he gives us the quote,"Feasting does not follow after a fasting"

On dreams

"dreams are God's provision of escapism, to escape from the chaos we live in, to rest in the sanctuary of His wings of love."
-Alywin

"Dreams,our Father's way of whispering his plans for us as well as his love just as a parent would whisper love into a child's ears."
-Reynard

"dream is when u see ur vision in a big picture frm a small beginning"
-Liangjie

On Conflicts

"conflict= inmature pple+ chau kuan behaviour"
-Liangjie

"conflicts are men's way of disputing an ideal,often making the dispute the ideal"
-Reynard

"conflicts are just man's way of finding a solution the easy way out."
-Alywin

And with that,the great book of quotes that contains infinite wisdom has been completed.

Scribble at 12:43 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

I got a Follow-up student!
Monday, June 21, 2004

Prayers are answered fast this time.After some discussion with Danny,i have a new follow-up student!

Oh yes,he's one of the montfort guys.And yes,i will be his follow-up teacher...muahahaha*evil laughter*
As for his identity,i'll keep a secret for now because i know someone is damn anxious to know.However,he may have already told that person.So we see how first.heh.

Anyway,now that i have a responsibility,i'll take good care of him.Seriously,i will prepare his heart for the heavier DG that is to come.Seng Long was a wonderful follow-up teacher i had when i first joined YF,i hope to emulate his example and basically just integrate him into the YF.Pray for me my brothers and sisters!I'll need it!

God thank you and let me be grateful for the student i have.Amen.

Scribble at 01:11 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

I lifted up my eyes
Sunday, June 20, 2004

Today i went to Cornerstone for service!

We went Danny's hse to slack and then to play pool.And as i came back,i felt so burdened for these young people.I'm not that old,but i am old enough to be burdened!I mean,i really love them sooo much!And i sense the urgency in me to quickly equip myself with the art of leading DG!I really am so burdened for them.....All so young.

Especially the Montfort guys.I just love them as my brothers!They are 15 and so full of energy!Just like when i was their age!I would really love to mentor them.I see each one of them as leaders now..........because during service at Cornerstone...there was a bunch of kids at the side,and it seems that the Lord said,"See Reynard,those will be the next generation of leaders!"
And i gave thanks i think.Danny,Jerome and Colin,all are leaders in their own right,but need someone to guide them,i hope i can be the one,because i really want to change them just like how Jianming and Elisha did.

Anyway,back on the burden thingy.I think i prayed something like,"Lord,i do not need the faith and anointing of Gideon and Moses,but instead if you could only give me the anointing in which you gave Elisha and Jianming,then i could do so much more!"And i ended up crying and speaking in tongues.It was like i was in camp.I feel so refresh and strengthened now!

I have a clear direction in my life now.I want to love just as Jesus loved me.Take me,use me ,mould me.

AMEN!

Scribble at 09:43 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

That's what i call a leader
Friday, June 18, 2004

Soldiers,
The Russian army is marching against us to seek vengeance for the Austrian defeat at Ulm. These are the same battalions that we conquered at Hollabrunn and that we have been persistently following up to this point. Our position is very strong, and when they march against our battalions, I wish to attack them from the flank. (According to a later version: While they pass my right wing, they will expose their flank to me)

Soldiers,
I will lead your battalions myself. However, I will stand aside from the line of fire, granted that you, by your customary courage, can propagate pandemonium and chaos amongst the ranks of the enemy. If, however, victory is jeopardized, even for a brief moment, then you will find your emperor in the most menacing of positions - victory must not be squandered today, since the honor of the French infantry, which is the pride of the entire French nation, is at stake. No one can abandon his rank for the purpose of removing the injured. Let the thought of conquering the mercenaries of England, soaked with such great hatred for our nation, guide each and every one of you.
This victory will close our war crusade and then we shall withdraw to our winter camps, to await the fresh troops who will be arriving from France. It is then that we shall establish a peace worthy of my nation, you and I.

Napoleon

Scribble at 06:08 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

I Miss CG!!!!!!!!
Thursday, June 17, 2004

Sigh

Sigh

Okay i better stop sighing in case people get annoyed.Due to the sudden party of the chicken pox that has been going around in my body without me inviting them,i am almost quarantined.I have to stay home and if my topic above didn't help you....I WILL MISS CG and *breaks into a song*I dun wanna miss a thing....*Snaps out of it*

On a sidenote,my lil'brother Ryan's left eye is green!YEs i am not joking,it's literally green.Talk about the green-eyed monster...hahaha.But anyway,it's not very pleasant for Ryan as it's some kind of viral infection because his left eye's lens sorta got damaged.But thank God it will all heal in time and it will not affect his eyesight.

Well,i miss my secondary school mates too and hence i am about to call them.Goodnight!

SIGH!

Scribble at 02:57 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Well,I'm back from Camps
Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Been long since i've updated.Let's attribute it to laziness.

Back from both camps.Rugby Camp was interesting,and it sorta let me know what to expect for other camps which will come.It was like a mini prelude to army life.Everything have to be standardized and so regimental.

5 minutes late?
20 push-ups plus lectures from the teacher at the same time.

Well,so you basically get the idea.

Camp Amazing Destiny,where i am the Programmer in the Camp Committee.It definitely was amazing.First night only and i was crying with *ahem* brudder all the way.2nd Day i laid hands on my own brother and he was touched by the Holy Spirit.Later at night Eugene Ang and i prayed damn long for an answer or calling but was left asking for more.3rd morning the calling finally came.I was to be a Missionary/Preacher.However,that would mean giving up on my little ambition(To reform the Singapore Army).God's will be done.On the last night,the brothers and i,namely,Barbarossa, had great fun in the multi-purpose hall eating natas de coco and dancing until the other people came in.All in all,it was a camp where the unexpected came as being very pleasant.

Now,on my thoughts at serving in this camp committee.Just for memory's sake,this Camp Com consist of Jan(Camp Sgt),Stephanie(Camp Sgt),Sining(Logistics),Weekiat(Programmer),Tammy(Welfare and Admin),Weiyang(Camp Co-ordinator) , Sharon and Weichun(The Advisors) and me!
At first glance,i had to admit i was a little disappointed in the beginning.I was expecting people like Liangjie and Alywin who are my best co-workers so far.But it was soon forgotten as these people are very lovable too despite their shortcomings.

Right,only Jan and i had any Camp Com experience but Jan's is mostly technical side of things which doesn't really help alot in his role.So,i was the only Camp Com member who was not a bit stressed and who should have helped the others in their roles.But i didn't.Because of the very fact i was busy with school stuff and that made my enthusiasm dropped quite abit.I am thankful that it was to be regained as camp approaches,however.During the planning stages,things went way off schedule but it was all done in time eventually.

During the camp itself,experience was to play big part as i see my fellow committee members get nervous and stressed when i am sitting down and quite comfortable with all the activity going around.The only time i got stressed and worked up was because some contractors tried to cordon off the area which we booked.Eventually,i managed to stall for time until Weiyang could come back with the campers and arrange something(it was the first morning of the camp).But yeah,people get "kan-cheong",stressed and anxious when they shouldn't be.Weichun and i later agreed and i admitted that i should have brought the focus of the committee back to the bigger picture and help them along the way.

It's all over now.And this Sunday,i shall get Roy to distribute Encouragement cards/letters to my fellow committee members.Despite all the hiccups,it was a pleasure serving with you guys all the same.

PS:But i still miss serving along with Liangjie and Alywin.
*Note:Besides bringing back blessings from the camp,i also brought back chickenpox,which will explain why i need Roy to give out the cards on Sunday.

Scribble at 03:36 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Rugby Camp in 7 Hours camp.
Monday, June 7, 2004

Well,the rugby camp is coming.And i'm only going for one day before coming home to take a rest before checking in one day earlier with the rest of Camp Committee and SALT team to bring in logistics on Tuesday.Tiring week man!

I should include the spanish culture of Siesta in my life .Hahaha!

To be honest,i'm not really looking forward to Rugby Camp.It's not because i'm not interested or what,but rather i feel that there's no motivation to go since it's only one day for me.And Youth Camp will naturally be where my commitment will lie.But i count my blessings,luckily my teacher-in-charge is Christian and he understands my commitment and so the concession.My rugby seniors have been most understanding as well.My fellow forwards have been caring as well.So i must say i am blessed!

IT's late already lah.I don't think i can sent Weiyang any more program flow also,because there really is nothing already.I'm too tired with too little rest at the moment.

Auf Wiedersehen!

Scribble at 12:26 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

YO!
Friday, June 4, 2004

My comp's back from vacation after my dad and i used various threats on the manager.

Well,camp's coming.Both Rugby and Youth camp i mean.Will need every bit of rest i have.And then it's studying for me already.

Was reading Kambing's blog.Well i share his thoughts.Just that i don't really tend to brood on it.Call me the sleeping Proletariat if you want.Because i think to be conscious of the self would be a mistake.It's a good thing but i rather much prefer to be by myself and not bother about others.If someone or the majority doesn't agree with you,so be it.

Truth is not Statistical.

Scribble at 08:10 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

What Good is a new computer?
Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Anyone missed me?

Okay now that i have confirmed no one missed me,i just want to bitch around.

What good is a new computer when the first day since it arrived into your house,the internet explorer just doesn't work?And my PC vendor kept shifting the blame onto my internet service provider until my father got so pissed off that he decided that he shall talk to the manager of the PC vendor else he return the computer back and refuse to pay a single dime for it.Naturally,that finally got them working and now my CPU has gone on a holiday at the technician's.They better solve it fast or the computer is really going back to it's maker....literally.

Now you must be thinking what the hell i am talking about with my CPU gone and everything,how did i manage to blog?Well i am at my cousin's house!

GP was fun today because Mr Lyon let us watched The Simpsons and then ask us for comments.History test on thursday,i sorely need to pass it man.On the other hand,my history presentation got 9 out of 10!HOHO!And it's going into my CA results.

Sigh,i miss you lah.You win,you win.

Scribble at 11:03 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

Missed Me?
Tuesday, May 4, 2004

My long absence here must have made many a hearts grow fonder.Firstly,my computer has this sickening spyware in it preventing me from going online.On a much lighter note,my new computer's arriving tomorrow!So rejoice with me!

And another thing,after 18 years of my life,my grandmother decides to tell me i have peranakan blood inherited from my maternal family's side.Well,it could be worse like,"Ah boy ah,actually you are adopted."And it's quite cool to have peranakan blood flowing in ur veins anyway.

Last saturday,i did something significant in my life again....as of yet.My second time confessing my feelings.lol.As you can see a girl would mean alot to me if i confessed my feelings to her.But the outcome is i'm not attached whatsoever and so don't start imagining things my dear readers.

Well then...i'm at my cousin's house...shall log off now...bye!

Scribble at 11:54 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

What Have We Here?
Tuesday, April 20, 2004

I know it's kinda late now considering i have school later on.But i slept awhile and am going to do my homework later.

Well,basically i have been very tired for the past few days.School and CCA are leaving me quite drained out and i really can feel the strain.The past weeks haven't been good to me either.We have insensible people screwing around with me to idiots undermining my efforts.To these people,i say ,"Job well done!".You have just succeeded in losing my trust.Really,you should know enough of me to know what i hate.And i hate people who can't remain loyal and keep secrets.

Was happily looking at some friendster testimonial when i came across this testimonial that gave MY NAME a special mention.Well,and looking from the content,it ain't really glamourous.And to be perfectly honest,it made my blood boil a little,just a little.But enough to make me completely lose faith and trust in the both of them.It's a long story that i shall not waste time elaborating.I think i shall give them a special mention too in my blog but i shall save them from the name being mentioned though.

To the both of you:Your actions is seriously testing my patience and goodwill.I have done nothing against you guys and i get such nonsense from you.Don't you ever dare forget who was the one who stood by you and grabbed your hand while your sinking in the quicksand of problems and life.Not that i did alot.But your actions speaks volumes of yourselves and made me lose my trust in you.Both of you are a complete letdown and unworthy of the maturity which you claimed you got.Really,i don't think you know the measure of what you have done.How can the both of you go to church with me and look me in the eye when you are doing things behind me?I'm being over-sensitive you say?Well you caused it in the first place.

Well,now that i've given to this anonymous pair a piece of my mind.I shall run along and do my homework.I'm a good student you know?

Scribble at 02:46 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Product Key in case i forget
Sunday, April 11, 2004

FM9FY – TMF7Q – KCKCT – V9T29 - TBBBG

Scribble at 10:35 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

My Bad
Saturday, April 10, 2004

I read the blog.And i think we misunderstood each other.
Well,basically,i didn't mean any malice to you in the previous entry on Friday.Afterall,both of us serve in the same committee.I got to admit i was very angry and pissed.And still am.You got your rights to choose friends,i have my rights to sulk also right?haha.Yes,those things you have pointed out i am aware of them.However,many of them are your old perceptions.Maybe i still have those vices.I can never be sure.

The truth is,i think,as a normal friend to you,you should probably talk to your DGL about this.Really,because i think it will definitely affect our work together in the committee.

Well,i know your sick of this,but anyways,my apologies.

Well that being said,i still appreciate you and your honesty as well as the candidness with which you displayed on your blog.Serious.Well,things could be very worse.And you don't have to suffer in silence.

Well,i'll be naturally concerned for you as a brother in christ.Maybe my way is pesky to you,but i don't have such problems with my other brothers and sisters.

And from your blog,you know your faults,and know mine too.As Christians,let's work towards changing ourselves instead of letting this affect us so much.We'll see each other in heaven.There's no use accumulating such petty rivalries.

God Bless Ya!

Scribble at 10:49 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

Like the flowers of Spring,it(friendship) too will die in winter.
Friday, April 9, 2004

I'm contemplating about my personal life now.

I had to conclude a friendship a while ago.Yes,there are tears on my cheeks,i don't know about the other party though.But i really do give thanks for the good friends that i have.That every single one of them is God given makes me all the more treasure it too.

And yet,what could i have done to prevent it?It certainly wasn't any reason like,"Because you called me a bitch", or "You killed my father".It simply was because ,"i don't feel comfortable with you as a close friend".Now tell me,i think this friendship went on for almost 2 years before she tell me this.For Aly,i did everything like how i would treat you.And yet,this is the result of it.

Seriously,it may mean nothing to you,this friendship i mean.You have stuff like this happen before.But i didn't okay?You are the first friend i have who turned acquaintance.Of course i can't cling stubbornly to you.Man,i am a person with feelings too!Just because i lame and talk nonsense doesn't mean i have no tears to let out.You just succeeded in carving a big hole out of my lousy heart.You are the first to do it.

Maybe it would have been better if our friendship was just 6 month old.But it was 2 years old.During that 2 years,your own eyes are my witness,how i have cried,prayed and laughed with you.I am not claiming sympathy or credits here.However,it's to let you know the extent you have caused.

I really want to hate you.But Christ's love forbade me from doing that.So the best i can manage is to be indifferent.

Maybe i wouldn't feel so much if you had come up with a better reason.Maybe it's your true reason.But you don't tell that to someone you have known for 2 years.Maybe 1,2,3,4,5,6 months of friendship...but not 2 years.Ask around,i don't think many would disagree with me.

I'm not trying to resume that friendship.I know you won't want that.But please,if ever there was another Reynard,silly stupid Reynard,please hurt him faster.It'll be much better than the state we are at now.I'm serious,if it ever reaches the state where i am now,i think it's really your fault.

Scribble at 10:50 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

SR Rugby I Love You!
Friday, April 9, 2004

Well,i walked,ran,crawled at least 6.3km yesterday for PE and Rugby training.Was feeling damn tired by the time i reach home.Can't focus on the screen.So i didn't blog about my day.Thank God for Good Friday!

Well,today is quite boring.Tried to organise a team outing to bond the team but it didn't quite worked out.Homework's starting soon and i'll be real busy by then.So don't expect to see regular updates.I am not Ron who blogs without fails.hahah.

Well,i must say i miss her quite abit.But i think it's just a passing phase.Like what Aly said,"I can live without her."And anyway,i don't lose anything in the process.Obedience is always better than sacrifice.God doesn't need my sacrifices.He wants my obedience.

Scribble at 03:41 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

So Darn Tired
Monday, April 5, 2004

Right,you guessed it.This body of mine is still not used to school life.It's been too much attuned to the party lifestyle i had a month ago.I kind of missed the freedom of time to do whatever i want at whenever time i deem fit.And i could sleep till my heart's content as well.

But school's been fun!Made quite alot of friends inside.All those potential future Brothers and sisters in Christ....It's all making me quite excited.There seems to be quite a number of christians in the Arts streams...Plus Dominic's own contacts,some kind of alliance can be formed.I don't really care which church the new friends go to.I think thier salvation matters so much more.

Though i hate to say this,but Aly,your chanting seems to work alot.hahaha.Now i don't feel so lonely anymore.So we're quite the same now already.We can both live without them right?I mean,what's to fear?Single then single loh!The Lord has in His wisdom decided upon the paths we have to take.

Scribble at 11:17 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

Much Better
Monday, April 5, 2004

I'm feeling much much better.Thanks to Aly for his listening ear,or rather,looking eyes.

Brother,i realise you are right.We should look to what's ahead and stop dwelling on the past.At least if i am unsure now,i know you are with me in my constant struggles.And that we want to please God in all that we do,dio boh?

And so,it shall be the beginning of my long journey to recover from the hurts and change the mentality that i have myself have constructed.It's not easy.But i am willing to let God do His work.

Okay,now is the time to get back to my notes!

Scribble at 12:27 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

So Confused.
Sunday, April 4, 2004

I am confused about alot of things.Afterall i am still learning how to live right.And of course,i can just assume everything to be MY way and things would probably go easier.However,that's wrong and not right in God's eyes.I would rather obey than take the road of comfort.

Yup,i love her.However,i think that's not the point yet.You see,i have quite alot to say in these matters.Firstly,like any decent strategists,i hate fighting on unknown grounds.Meaning,i'll only move in for the kill when i have enough information and i am sure that there is a mutual feeling.

Well,i can safely say i know her quite abit.And with it comes another problem.I know her too well to be sure that i like her.And there's the complacency to be stuck in the "i think it's sweeter to remain as good buds" syndrome.Seriously,when the girl starts to be a buddy,it's real hard to confess your feelings for you want to keep the relationship as a friend should it fail!

Another sad thing is,i know i don't want myself to be stuck in a relationship.I am not saying i am a "buaya".But,it's just that i want my grades and i don't want to have the risk that i might do anything sinful against God.Sure,people can argue i should be able to contain myself.However,i seriously hate to even have the risk.Because with a risk there,it probably means u have a high chance of committing it.

Of course,the main reason why i choose to hide my feelings is because,i think i love her too much.I don't think i want to be the one to hurt her.I treasure her too much as well,that i ain't willing to risk the friendship.

Call me a fool.Call me an idiot.
The fact is,i am one.I just don't see any possible outcome for it.And the fact still remains,that after all my love and fondness for her,she may still reply with a ,"I don't like you,Reynard."

Ahhhh...the paradox of life.
And love.

Scribble at 12:24 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

I'm Staying On!
Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Okay,first thing first,though SRJC may not be my preferred choice.I must say that during the past few days,the school made an impact on me.The students are great,seniors are fun,teachers are caring,girls are chio.....My my,i'm going everywhere.

Anyway,today's the last day of orientation and the most fun day.We had our station games and mass dance.Oh,and did i mention that i got sunburned?Yes my lads,i am burnt.....pretty badly too.And during the evening,we had fiesta night.Our peer leaders performed for us dances.And this percussions band from outside the school came to play,turning the school hall into a mini club with them playing on a level that is almost Safri Duo.

Yup,i'm staying on no matter what.Not going to make any appeals.I think i am going to join rugby.

This part is specially for Brudder:

SRJC won VJC in soccer.

The Score:
1-0

SONG BOH?!

Okay i made some pretty nice friends during the orientation.But they are in science stream.So not much chance to deepen the relation.

Anyway,tomorrow will pretty much be free day for me.Just going to walk around school attending random lectures.

Discere Servire

Scribble at 11:34 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

My First Day as a SRJsian
Tuesday, March 23, 2004

After one year of constant slacking with no school whatsoever,i slipped into my old chung cheng uniform again.This time,i'm going all the way to the northern front in Serangoon Junior College.

Okay,so as a freshie in year one,i was quite a blur one.Thinking i was the only one there,i didn't expect to see my juniors,of which i only knew one of them personally.First day of orientation is always boring...because it's administration day.But then again,the people there are friendly and though it's not the perfect school,it's a lovable school.

I'm currently at a loss as to what to take for my subject combination.With my results,i can skip A/O chinese and take Chinese Lit.Or i can take Eng.Lit.As for A/O subjects,i can take A/O maths if i take Eng.Lit or take General Studies in Chinese if i offer Chinese Lit.Sigh....

*If i could choose,i would have chosen nothing ever happened.However,it would be like lying to ourselves and smacking ourselves on the head.So i guess all the best to you.And God bless you abundantly*

Scribble at 12:05 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

The Winds of Change
Friday, March 19, 2004

The invisible arm sweeps the leaves off the floor,
carries them to yonder meadow
Leaves swirl around like angels to God
But as the arm stops,so doth everything.

A swirling pillar of grey moves through the fields,
like a hungry black hole it swallows all.
As the movement ceased,all creation is vomitted out.
And Peace reigns as abruptly as it began.

Oh the grandeur of such phenomena!
And yet when it sweeps past you,
You'll be changed forever no matter the length of time.
My friends!The winds of change are here.

Scribble at 09:14 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

Oh Well
Friday, March 19, 2004

I'm in a bit of a rude shock at the sudden change of attitude.

Okay,my day was a boring one,shall have to continue calling up the people later for Sharon to get a confirmed list.Anyway,i always wanted to write something,but now that i have taken the time to sit down and think,i can't remember what i want to write.

I am amused by how people immediately changed thier nicknames to Planet Shakers related stuff.No i'm not being a cynic here.Am not being critical either.I am also not mocking anyone.But it's just that,as i view it from one of the various perspective,i just feel that they will change thier nicknames to Hillsongs related stuff after a Hillsongs conference or something.Hahaha...Not pouring cold water here my siblings in Christ!It's just that i had to say it.heh.

School's starting,and i am not even prepared for it.Okay,Before i go to sleep and forget everything,i shall go send out the prayer letter long overdue because of the Synergy Conference.

Oh and when i say i'm in rude shock at the change of attitude,it's not about my sibling's in Christ's new found and renewed passion for God or even the nick changes....It was something very............different.

Scribble at 05:36 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Planet Shakers Live!
Thursday, March 18, 2004

Well,for the past three days i have been at Downtown East attending a Youth conference conducted by 65 churches in Singapore.Planet Shakers was there!!!!!

Well,the conference definitely made me think about my life.Which isn't exactly perfect.Yes,like many of you out there,i struggle with temptations and lust too.And my language with my ex-schoolmates ain't exactly loving either.Though they don't mind,but i know God minds,but let me carry on because He love me and gave us freewill in the first place.So i made some sort of commitment to myself that i will behave in a manner worthy of the gospel whether with friends or church mates.

Another decision i had to make was whether to accept God's proposal for me to let go of her and concentrate on His business and inherit his blessings.I spent nearly one entire night praying for an answer because she meant alot to me.Not more than God,but still alot.
The Answer?

Yup,i shall let her go.

I want to be radically obedient to God.I love her,but it was God who beared the cross for me and suffered whips for me too.It is because of Jesus Christ that i can hold my head high and say that i am a children of God!

It was hard at first.It always does.It still does.But i believe God will heal that hole which was dug in my heart for her to reside in.Yes,i shall do my best to give my best to God from now on.

*My hands are scarred,they fought for yours.But then i saw the nail-pierced hands,and i remembered how this pair of Hands fought for mine.And i have decided to hold the hand with the nail-inflicted scars."

Scribble at 12:42 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

So I have some Poetic Talent Afterall.
Sunday, March 14, 2004

Why do i say that?Because Yewteng used my little verse at the end of the last entry as his MSN nickname.Well done ar brother Teng.But never mind,because apparently,a very pretty friend of his love it and so i guess it's all right.

I am considering writting a poem of some sort in the near future.Because i think i will be taking English Literature in JC anyway.

Well,i think i should change my sleeping habits.Going to do QT later.Sigh,why can't i stand and fight the sins?It's either i run or i fall.Not very Reynard.
Father i want to fight the good fight and run the good race.Discipline me in whatever ways you want and strengthen my will please!
AMEN!

Scribble at 03:54 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Long Day Indeed
Friday, March 12, 2004

Bayern Munich lost to Real Madrid.

Yup,i didn't sleep yesterday to watch the match.After which,went to meet Eric for breakfast at Mcdonald Kallang.Then,went over to Zixing's house to slack.Went to Marine Parade for dinner with them and to play games.Got to know this security guard.Interesting man.

Was quite a day.Fun fellowshipping with old schoolmates.But school's going to start for me,and it would be quite some time before i can meet up with them again.

*Look at my hands,not the prettiest you've seen,but it will be scar-ridden because this hand fought against all odds to hold yours.*

Scribble at 02:31 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Undue Worries
Thursday, March 11, 2004

I wonder why i am feeling so depressed for?I ought to be happy.Afterall,i secured for myself A'Level education recently.

Well,i am thankful,but new problems arise.The little struggle i mentioned during my last update is still there and it's eating me.Not to mention the relation is deterioting.So,all in all,i am very emotional now.Freaking sensitive and damn sore.

Sigh,Father forgive me please?I really don't want to feel left out in your plans?I'm really trying my best,but i just don't know how to.I know i neglected You,and i really feel bad.I need that touch from You to perk me up,fire me up and practically drive me into a frenzy to lock myself in the prison known as faith and Bible and throw away the keys.

Forgive me.

Scribble at 06:14 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

God,Is it really you?
Monday, March 8, 2004

I had a dream today.

It was after i prayed about something.And in the dream,i had to give up something dear to me.I think maybe God is hinting that i should really surrender this dear matter of mine to Him?

I have no idea.That's the scary part.

After all the time and resources.To surrender seems like a hard decision for me.But why should i reject God's plan for me,knowing full well that i would get nowhere also.So i am at a crossroad once again.Hoping i could just keep on walking but mindful of the fact i have to choose where to turn in order for me to continue the walk.

I know God will prove faithful once i've made a choice.But how do i really surrender all to Him?

Sigh,this sucks.I feel so tired about it.Don't really wish to see if it's really from God.But chances are,it may be.But i will pray about it though i hate doing it.I want to follow God's perfect flawless way and not the ways of the world.

Now i realised what it means to carry the cross and turn my back on the world.

It's heavy.

Scribble at 08:48 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

So Near yet so Far
Sunday, March 7, 2004

I actually wrote a very sad letter to someone.But realise that until everything is sealed and done,i ain't about to risk it.

You folks can continue guessing who is the person.

I was at Yf earlier today.And after DG lessons,guess what surprised me?I saw a shorter and female version of Yew Teng.

*Evil laughter*

Okay,you people must be wondering why.Her knees was in a bandage!Just like Brudder Teng.And just nice that one injured the right knee,the other injured the left knee.So brotherly and sisterly right?
Awwwwwwwwwww............how sweet.

Haha,i think i'm in danger of being killed.But i didn't reveal your name all right!But seriously,you really gave me a shock.Because you told me ,"No,never cui...".So i thought that it would mean no bandages or slings or whatever.

Well,turns out i was wrong.LOL,sorry it was so funny i just got to blog it.Because Yew teng and you are going to recover and there might not be another chance already.

So folks,you can imagine what fun we had during team time.

*rubs hands*

Oh yes....what fun............Muahahahahaahahahah

Scribble at 01:30 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Goodbye Pacific,hello Starhub!
Friday, March 5, 2004

Right.My absence during the last few days was because of my decision to forsake pacific internet for starhub cable.Why?

No disconnections!!!!

Okay.Met up with a few old classmates yesterday.Had fun crapping with them.Really miss the good old chung cheng days where we slack in class and kah lan jiao way.Okay,maybe the hokkein term i used just now was crude,but i can't find any better terms for it.It simply means,to gossip.However,our KLJW is not the kind where we backstab people,we just share fun facts about a particular person and front stab our friends.hahaha.

Okay,i'm actually feeling quite happy these days.Mostly because someone's treating me quite nicely and also because of internet change and the no more D/C worry.This entry is quite boring actually.I don't have anything funny on my mind anyway.Am actually quite bored.

As per usual,no school,no girlfriend,no homework makes Reynard one very bored boy.Well,i better enjoy what slacking days i left,because once school starts for me,i'll be very very busy.

Scribble at 02:42 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Remaining Sober is Fun!
Sunday, February 29, 2004

Received my O'levels results yesterday.
Can only go Jc.So i applied for Arts in Catholic,Nanyang,Meridian,Tampines and Serangoon colleges.

My L1R5 is 18 by the way.

Okay it's Dongli's birthday today.His fifth birthTEH mind you!Once every 4 years only,so it's normal that things went with a blast.

So the story goes that when i reached there,Mr Loy was already half drunk.I went on to drink with Dongli Vodka with Sprite after eating the nice food his father prepared for us.So ,by this time,our dear Mr Loy was drunk.While i felt that i was going to be drunk,so i stopped drinking.

Time flew.

I found myself seeing jan home.For he can't walk properly.Somethings happen along the way but i promised not to tell because he said he'll cook for me for one month!Woohoo!

That's why,my dear readers,that i don't like to get drunk.Remaining sober is much more "high" than getting drunk.You can really get some kick out of watching the things people do when they get drunk.

So my friends,stay SOBER!

Scribble at 12:44 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

I want my Ribby!
Wednesday, February 25, 2004

I think only Xiang Xiang knows who's Ribby.Hahah.Ribby is my darling!That's not the real name by the way.A pet name i thought of for someone special.The reason behind it?Again,only Xiang Sou knows.

Okay,i'm bored again.It's expected.No money,no girlfriend,no homework,no tests to study for.What can a guy like me do?Blog!And blog i will.

The new yfers Charissa and Sherry really amazes me.Not evsn a few months as yfers and they are already starting a new ministry.In fact,it was the both of them who sat Danny down to discuss about why there's a need for the ministry.

Next tuesday i'm going to have french food!Brudder,Ai lai mai?Mai gong boh jio hor!(i'm typing in Hokkein in case you dumbasses don't know what i'm writting about.)

I think i really need to go running already.Just need to get rid of at least 6kg.

I really think i'm going to go crazy if i continue to stay up so late.I need to discipline myself again.Have to prepare for school life.It won't do to have me staying up at this time blogging if there's common tests tomorrow.

Regarding my dream,i had a dream within a dream.It means while in the dream,i slept,and i dreamt in the dream that i was to be a Muslim Evangelist.Lol,kinda creeps me out.

Okay,i must wake early tomorrow.Must get some work done.

Scribble at 03:12 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Hola!(Spanish for Hi!)
Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Well,had a very sumptous dinner with Danny and Chin jan.Imagine the amount of Sashimi we ate!It's horrifying to Tam i think.Lol.Any the chocolate cake was quite good.And it's all paid for by Danny!Thanks Number One!

And earlier on,i had a very serious and yet humourous chat with Xiang.Very funny.Talking about BGRs and my "ribby".LOL!

YEsterday i saw Jiayu off for the second time.She'll be going to Australia to pursue her university education.Oh well,Rich people ........sigh....Sometimes makes me quite jealous....I MUST STUDY HARD>>>>CJC!!!!!!!!!!!

O's result coming out this friday.Not really afraid as what's done been done.But i am rather excited and nervous.I believe God has a plan for me,and it'll be good!Because God is good,all the time.And All the time,God is good!

Quite tired out at the moment.Shall retire soon.

Guten Nacht!

Scribble at 02:58 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Stupendously Boring(Did i use it right?)
Saturday, February 21, 2004

Right.

I'm bored.Very bored in fact.Behind me is my DG Homework.o i don't think i will go running as promised.

Sigh.

I miss talking to that someone.But i must get over her anyway.Which is what i'm doing.Abit slow but steady nevertheless.Anyway,i was thinking about the caste systems in Singapore.Don't understand what i mean?Apparantly,there are still arrogant brats out there who,after a few years of high-level education,think it best to lord over people from neighbourhood schools and such.These are the people that the government is training to lead Singapore into greater heights?I rather lead a revolution than see Singapore fall because of thier pride and arrogance.And if you don't already know,neighbourhood students can excel too.But i think the underlying problem is not letting those students know humility.However,it is to see where exactly in our education have gone wrong to produce those brats.Is it the school ranking system?I oppose the view that it be abolished,because it has it's uses.
So how?
I think we have to find a way in which we dilute the strong competition and prestige of the ranking system.

For example:Make Raffles' Girls seem no less special than Katong Convent?

But that would need years.So i suggest we single out those brats,round them up and send them into concentration camps in which they would be subject to torturing lessons on humility.Thay shall be indoctrined with all kins of humility.And when they come out,they will be the servant leaders of Singapore.

Pretty good isn't it?But those damned human rights activists would oppose to it.I think we should execute them all.

Scribble at 03:33 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Singing Lessons
Thursday, February 19, 2004

Well,about 4 hours ago i returned from my first singing lessons.It's conducted by Grace and Auntie Laiyien.The both of them,including Angie,was damn hilarious.

To my worship team members,yup,we did the breathing exercises.Now,laugh your head off.

Learnt more about singing and the way to sing various worship songs.Shall teach my fellow vocalists this saturday.

Was looking through some old photos just now.Succumbed to severe nostalgia and thinking back.Life then was good.But it's not possible anymore.There are,of course, people that i miss.But it is unlikely i see them often now.They were such darlings to me.
*Slaps ownself*
Better wake up from my daydream.

Speaking of dreams,i had a dream involving Qiao Yuan,Chew wei,Liang Jie and the Singapore Police Force.Was quite a fun dream.The day before,i had a dream involving the Nazi Army.I was an Allied soldier(haiz,i want to be German!).

On a side note,i think i am slowly getting over her.
On another side note,eye rings are beginning to show.Better sleep now.Will do my morning run on saturday!And tomorrow i will have a midnight run!

Oh, and go play this game
http://www.datacraft.co.jp/takagism/index_e.html

Scribble at 02:29 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

I Love My Bed
Wednesday, February 18, 2004

I so loooooooove my bed!heh.
It's so big and comfy and my pillows are soft and bouncy.Now i look forward to sleeping on my lovely bed every night.And it's so big me and..........wait,i don't have a girlfriend.

Well,speaking of girlfriends,now i think i am afraid to get attached and all.Because of a conversation with Jianming and another adult.I'm serious!What if temptations got the better of me?It's not my life that's screw but the prospective partner that will get her life screwed too.We are talking about another life here.How can i be so selfish?And i know myself.I'm one who gets tired of things soon enough.So i am absolutely determined that i will shut my doors for now.And it's all Jianming's fault!lol.Okay don't push the blame.

And i had thought this Valentine would be different too.Well,it was different,but just not the way i expected it to be.It was fun and all.But not that it will last anyway.The fun i mean.

Oh, and i thought of a new punishment for rapist.
I think we should castrate them and lock them up in prison.And that's not all,we will parade beautiful nude ladies in front of them daily.That way,they get what they deserved.All those women around them and they can't do anything about it(literally).Such emotional and physical torture...Muahahahahahaha.

Oh,and i think i do get very childish at times.Getting so happy and excited over the most minor of things.But i do get my moments of maturity!Though they are moments only,but it doesn't really pay to think so maturedly.So many restrictions on yourself.And i don't really like rules.But of course,it's different when it's church.Afterall,it's God's house,so i must submit.

Well enough rambling,Brudder,leave some message behind for me in my guestbook leh.

Scribble at 12:30 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

It's FRIENDSHIP day,not valentine's.
Sunday, February 15, 2004

Happy Friendship Day!

Lol,Aly and i are one sore brudders.We keep on insisting it's friendship day and not valentine's.Well,as August puts it,"Losers don't celebrate Valentine's".

After YF ended,Aly and i went to meet our respective friends for dinner.And to my surprise,Dolly the sheep looks so much much better in real life than on some neo-print.Well,back to me,i went to meet my friends.14 of us.7 guys and 7 gals.

After dinner,the 14(plus some other guys) of us went to watch a movie.It's Torque.Lame storyline,cool scenes,even lamer lines,what else can i say?

Anyway,after tonight,everything became so much more clearer.And i think i just realised how i have missed out on the bigger picture.Yup,i can see clearly now the rain as gone.

To my Zhup Nee bro,let's eliminate all those bitches from our lives all right?They ain't worth a dime,and certainly not our time(rhymes right?)Concentrate on what's in front of us and the Big Boss up there.We can't afford to screw around anymore.

Scribble at 02:37 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

A Sudden Thought
Saturday, February 14, 2004

You know folks,i was engaging in some thoughts and i had a sudden thought.

I guess i'm to "brudder" orientated.And it makes me insensitive to the sisters.Not that they are sensitive,but that's not the point.The point is,maybe my way of building a bond with brudders don't work so well with sisters.Resulting in alot of misunderstandings,thereby resulting in the below entry.Of course brudders piss me off.But those are the not so brother brudders.

I'm rambling on and on again.But the thing is,i gotta start learning how to communicate to the sisters soon.haha.

Scribble at 02:58 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

The Gathering
Saturday, February 14, 2004

Well the whole of yesterday evening to this evening was one hell of a fun.Went out with old school mates.Friends i rarely met up with.They were still the same clowns,as am i.And it was all such fun and happy for me.

Okay,most of you read my above entry.In short,i was ranting on a certain group of people in church.But as i was thinking,the Holy Spirit convicted me that it was uncalled for,so you are all spared from my harsh rants.

I should just heck it where they don't care.If they just want me as normal friends,then i shall be as normal friends.Doing nothing more nothing less.But if they treat me as zhup nee(10 years) brother,then they shall see me go through thick and blood with them,never wavering.And i will in everyway,serve this friend just like how Jesus serves His disciples.

Right anot bro?hahahah

Scribble at 02:05 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Super Bored
Thursday, February 12, 2004

Well,today's not a bad day.Though still was a slacking day. I can't wait for school to come.JC,OI,JI or Shatec....i just want to go to school!!!!If only i could fly to the land of Kangaroos and study.lol.

Well,not much stuff happen.Rather uneventful day.Just amused myself trying to pronounced the -ths in words.It just dawned on me that i could be irritating?Okay maybe not just,but it's the first time i really considered if i am a public nuisance.Some of you maybe be shouting,"Yes you are!No doubt about it."But just how do you measure the irate-ness of someone?Let's investigate below....

By thier looks:Needless to say,hot and handsome hunks telling a cold joke would at least invite a smile from people.Especially girls.While normal guys would be given a comment,"your damn cold leh",or "your so irritating".No need to argue with me on this,the brothers would agree that most people are like that.

By thier personalities:Some people just have the attitude where if they tell you something and you don't like it,that person's condemned.And then,people will give me the title of irritating prick.While for some,because they are naturally funny and good with people,though people say they are irritating,at the end of it,he's still friends with everybody.

Right,these are the points i've managed to think of.Actually,people have said i was irritating because i've said too much ,"hi," or "how's your day?".To me,it doesn't matter if they reply or not.It's my way of greeting a friend and my way of telling them that i care.Well it sucks when they don't reply.But that's that.I've learnt not to go further and yak on.Because to yak on means i am going to be irritating.

However,it absolutely sucks when a close friend just keep silent from you.Despite the follow up questions.Worse thing is,you know that there's something wrong with him or her.Okay,i am not pursuing a matter when people don't reply and i keep asking.Rather,i am seeking an assurance from them that they are fine.In my upbringing,if people ask you a question,you should just answer them.And even if you don't want to answer the question,you should decline politely.And in my case,ignoring me means that you are worrying me...alot.

However,it's also because of freewill that i don't confront a person upfront.And mostly,i just keep quiet.

And why do i say all these?Because that's me.There are moments when i am irritating and i admit it.But to say i am irritating because i am concerned or even just saying hi..........that's very insensitive and being a brat.

Don't like what i said?EAT ME.

PS:Well,to someone who reads my journal...i'm not shooting you.Just that when you said i was irritating,it sparked off a reaction where i thought of this subject.Don't worry,i know you don't really mean it,i hope.And this entry is not for you .haha

Scribble at 01:42 a.m.
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My OWN Silliness
Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Oh well.I'm a happy guy today.My new queen sized bed and wardrobe came today!Muahahah finally i can roll around my bed and do all kinda stupid thing people do when they have big beds.

Regarding yesterday's entry,i guess it's just me being a dork again.After much thinking,i guess what's over should remain over.And there's no use for me to feel anything now right?What Ah Zhun said was right!

Move on la Rey,move on.

Yup,i apologise to those who might be offended by yesterday's post.And if you think you are who i was typing about.My advice is,don't think so highly of yourself first lah.hahaha.

Okay,now that i have reached a mutual agreement with myself to "Run along and smell the flowers Reynard.",i should keep on praying for faith and for God's Holy Spirit to fill me in a way that i should brush aside temptations like how i use my palm to brush aside Angela.muahahahahaha.

Scribble at 07:00 p.m.
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So What's Wrong With ME?
Monday, February 9, 2004

Was happily smiling and sitting down in front of my computer when i read something that made my smiling face into a frown,then a scowl and finally with no expression with my eyes,i guess, saturated with an intense anger............IMMEDIATELY.

Well,i'm truly disappointed at how things played out in the end.I thought i was finally free of it.But it turns out that every word she wrote can just either make my day worse or happy.Could it be jealousy?But no!What have that person done that i could be jealous of?I even helped him out!But yet,what is happening that i could even change my mood in the blink of an eye?

Her?

But it couldn't be........Because i made a promise to myself for me to truly madly deeply forget the whole fiasco.Does that mean i still love her?I doubt so.So am i acting like a typical jerk out of movies?Oh yes i should think so.

So what's wrong with me?I have all that i need.I don't have that intense need for a girlfriend.In fact,i'm not even seriously looking for one.So why am i like this?

Maybe i should just commit all this to God.Maybe i should show more grace.Maybe i should have the generosity to give and take.Maybe i should forget about....her.

I guess maybe i am too sensitive and sentimental.This is hindering God and i.So i guess this kinda stuff should screw off,like,RIGHT NOW!

Scribble at 11:55 p.m.
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Fun Day
Monday, February 9, 2004

Heya dear folks!

Today was CCCP dinner with some outsiders....or rather,camp committee members.It was fun,but i had stomach cramp.Then because of cold temperature,my hands will turn slightly purplish.Jan said i was weak.But i can't help it what!It's just my biological problem,much like gals when that time of the month come right?Also not thier fault that they become so bitchy,angry and blah blah blah....haha i think by that sentence i have become public enemy to girls.

I'm utterly surprised how brotherly Alywin and i are.We get stomach aches together.Now how brotherly can you get?Now i hope i don't get brotherly with Yew Teng,because my knees might be cui-ed.Anyway,today was quite nice.The people are nice,i am nice,Pastor was nice,everything's nice.

The apostle Paul said,"But what does it matter as long as Christ is preached?"

I shall not let what others think or say of me bother me right now.They can say what they want.But as long as my service to God is not hindered,i shall heck.And good luck to those who stand between God and i.I'll make sure they will be brushed aside like the rubbish they are.Lol.......

BUT!

Paul also said,"Conduct yourself in a manner worthy of the gospel."

So i shall practice grace.And i hope people,in turn,will practice it on me too.haha.

Scribble at 12:47 a.m.
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Drunkards.........
Saturday, February 7, 2004

Heya folks,just got back from my friend's birthday party.Not much booze.But liqours were abound.Apparently,one of them brought in a bottle of Martell Cognac.And it was enough to get around 5 persons drunk.Powerful drink.
Let me just recollect.

Lih Chee was talking to a toy frog.
Longwen laughed non-stop at anything and everything.
3 guys fell asleep.

How many glasses for them to get drunk?
2 glasses.

Of course,i didn't drink alot.Need to take care of the drunkards.hahaha.An incentive for me to remain sober is to watch my friends do funny stuffs.

Things didn't go well for me during the day.For starters,the cough was still there.After that,some unhappy stuffs happen.Gunbound with Alywin was fun though.I don't know what's wrong with me these days.My intentions get misunderstood,and my temper isn't exactly on the cool temperature.Coupled with my cough,everything is so irritable.But i don't flare just because i want to flare lah.Aiyoh....*slaps forehead and shakes* i think i need to withdraw to myself for a little while.Solitude is what i need again.

On a plus side,managed to help out a brother.Settled some things.And i actually could wake up to sms her in the morning!hahah.Now it just proves once again that Reynard can wake up early despite sleeping late.I surprise myself like,totally!Been long since i've done that.

PS:Aly,from this entry you should know i am no alcoholic right?hahahaha.......

Scribble at 05:08 a.m.
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The Road
Friday, February 6, 2004

Not feeling very good right now.

Still realised i'm holding back too much.Something's going terribly wrong with me.And i'm getting sick too.Haiz.....
But nevermind!Dear and i are on the same boat.Let's walk on in support of each other okay?hahahah.Seriously,let's encourage each other la.And hopefully,we'll all be well by V-day.

Okay,gotta send her a wake-up sms at about 6:30am?Haha,i'm sweet right?bleah.haha..gotta go to sleep now.

Goodnitex all!

Scribble at 01:41 a.m.
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Busted!
Thursday, February 5, 2004

A few minutes ago,i think i busted my knee.Knocked it into the leg of my bed.Okay,Yew Teng,Alywin and Tammy must be laughing now.And why?Because i was laughing at them when thier knees cui-ed.I guess that makes me the newest member of the family.And the irony was,Yew Teng actually warned me to take care if not i'll be like him.Though it doesn't hurt,it feels quite uncomfortable.

Just came back from my cousin's house.We were crapping non-stop.

And i think i'm falling sick.Now it's Vanessa,my cousin and Tammy's(again??) turn to laugh.I am the epitome of cui-ness. So i think i shall keep my mouth shut whenever someone busted himself or something.

My personal observations on myself(yes i am narcissistic):
I think actually i don't look that bad afterall.Definitely need to work on that tummy of mine.But other than that,generally quite okay.And i need to get a tan too.Oh and i realise i imagine things too much.Time to wake up my ideas.

PS:Damned!I know i got something funny to write inside.But i forgot!Anyway,i don't think i can get over what happen easily.Haiz,but for everybody's sake,i must!
Valentine's coming!As usual,since i was bored,i planned out a number of things to do with my darl.Tsk tsk.........not very healthy.So where's Darl now?

Scribble at 04:25 a.m.
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This Sucks...
Tuesday, February 3, 2004

This sucks,that sucks,everything sucks!

I could do very well to lose this feeling right here right now.

I don't want it.Please take it away,thank you.

What can i do?It's clearly not in God's will.So why linger on?Aiyoh...........it's better for me to go alone.I think i was kinda hoping for a different ending anyway.But all these,i realised,are dreams and chasing after the wind.And even if i could chase after the wind,one can't touch and see the wind anyway.

It's really quite painful leh.Should have known better than to go inside again.haiz....oh well,my bad for insisting to go in though i know God wouldn't be too happy about it.

Scribble at 06:45 p.m.
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It's Over.
Monday, February 2, 2004

To Someone:I guess it's over then.Guess it was never meant to be.

All right.Am feeling very lousy these few days.I don't know why things occur the way it did.But it happened.So i got to face it.My heart feels so small and cramp and stuffed.Tonnes of stones on my chest.Urrgh.I don't like it this way.Lord,let me learn how to release my cares and woes to you.I want to learn but lack the resolve.I want to resign from the vicious cycle of affections but have not the guts to do so.And when i did,i would feel downright rotten.

On a side note:
1.Chin hao's maid thought i was 22yr old.(made me happy and sad.Sad because old,happy because matured)
2.Bought Hitler:Rise of Evil
3.Finally resolved to end this.
4.I guess i'm at fault.No matter what,i'm sorry.

Scribble at 11:55 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

Shut Up-Black Eyed Peas
Thursday, January 29, 2004

Lol,Should i dedicate this song to some people?Haiz....No more fights okay?...............i hope

(Chorus)
Shut up
Just shut up
Shut up [3x]
Shut it up, just shut up
Shut up
Just shut up
Shut up [3x]
Shut it up, just shut up, shut up
We try to take it slow
But we're still losin control
And we try to make it work
But it still ends up the worst
And I'm craaazzzy
For tryin to be your laaadddy
I think I'm goin crazy

Girl, me and you were just fine (you know)
We wine and dine
Did them things that couples do when in love (you know)
Walks on the beach and stuff (you know)
Things that lovers say and do
I love you boo, I love you too
I miss you a lot, I miss you even more
That's why I flew you out
When we was on tour
But then something got out of hand
You start yellin when I'm with my friends
Even though I had legitimate reasons (bull shit)
You know I have to make them dividends (bull shit)
How could you trust our private lives girl
That's why you don't believe my lies
And quit this lecture

[Chorus]

Why does he know she gotta move so fast
Love is progress if you could make it last
Why is it that you just lose control
Every time you agree on takin it slow
So why does it got to be so damn tough
Cuz fools in lust could never get enough of love
Showin him the love that you be givin
Changing up your livin
For a lovin transistion
Girl it's a misson tryin to get you to listen
Being mad at each other has become our tradition
You yell, I yell, everybody yells
Got neighbors across the street sayin
“Who the hell?!?”
Who the hell?
What the hell's going down?
Too much of the bickering
Kill it with the sound and

[Chorus]

Girl our love is dyin
Why can't you stop tryin
I never been a quitah
But I do deserve betta
Believe me I will do bad
Let's forget the past
And let's start this new plan
Why? Cuz it's the same old routine
And then next week I hear them scream
Girl I know you're tired of the things they say
You're damn right
Cuz I heard them lame dame excuses just yesterday
That was a different thing
No it ain't
That was a different thing
No it ain't
That was a different thing
It was the same damn thing
Same ass excuses
Boy you're usless
Whhoooaaaa

(Chorus)
Shut up
Just shut up
Shut up [3x](no ooooo uh uh)
Shut it up, just shut up
Shut up
Just shut up
Shut up [3x]boy no now please go, no i don't know
Shut it up, just shut up(nooooooooooooo)
We try to take it slow
But we're still losin control
And we try to make it work
But it still ends up the worst
And I'm craaazzzy
For tryin to be your laaadddy
I think I'm goin crazy

Stop the talking baby
Or I start walking babyx13 on 4th (noooooooooooooooo)

Scribble at 11:54 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

""All young people, both male and female, should undertake a period of military or community service." What are you view
Thursday, January 29, 2004

(This is atually Tam's homework.I am typing this essay to hone my now rusty essay skills and to ease my boredom.)

It is true that it is beneficial with new regulations ensuring that young people,regardless of gender,goes to serve the nation by serving the military or community for a specific number of years.It is because if they are allowed to do so,they will better understand the reasons to defend our small nation.They will also have a better appreciation of life through community services because it is there where they will meet the unfortunate and lowest of our society.On the military side,these young people will therefore be useful to the nation should we need to mobilise them to deal with threats.However with all these in mind,i think that to go through the hassle of making young people,whether male or female,unnecessary.And therefore,should not be undertaken.It is because doing so will only create an impact on our nation socially,politically and economically.

If laws are indeed passed that National Service should be undertaken by the young people.Therein lies a problem.Because the legislature will have to decide on an age when our young ldies should enter NS.And assuming an age was decided,should the ladies be given a choice of whether they should serve the community or the Armed forces?This would surely cause heated debates ,be it in the parliament or in coffeeshops.And taking into account that riots arose during the 60's because of the National Service issues.Is it therefore necessary to take the risk and in the process,topple our society's stability?I think the obvious answer would be "No".Doing so will only create problem for us as a nation socially.

Let us assume that socially,we have felt the impact of the National service issue.Now,it will definitely affect us politically.We should learn our lessons from the days of the Emergency where a lack of social stability gave opposition parties such as the Communists to create trouble.Taking this into account,the political system of Singapore would once again be at war.

So,even if the above factors did not come to pass.I would still strongly object to the idea that young people,including females,undertake National Service.Just imagine,an ENTIRE generation of young people absorbed into NS.And then,for a specific amount of time,the country is without a generation of it's human resource.Economically,we will suffer.And if the above factors that i mentioned came through,we will not even have an economy to speak of.While it is true the country have always made do without a generation of young men for 2 and a 1/2 years,and while for the ladies,they can do community service part-time,it will still be a strain on our economy.Because,we have to employ people to make sure the young ladies of our nation report for thier community service!Besides,we would have to pay the ladies too!(NS guys currently have pay)And do we really need all this "volunteer" workers?I think not.It is only a waste of time and resources to group them and provide meals and such for them.Instead, we can use these money,that would otherwise be spent,on new military equipments and for other purposes.

Therefore,in conclusion,it is not wise for young men and women to serve the community and military.Doing so will strain our economy and may de-stabilise our social structure ,as well as politically.And as a small nation,it is a risk that we cannot afford to take.In my opinion,it is wise to stick to our current community service program and NS.Because through it,the young males and females already have exposure to such matters.What we can do is to press for schools to keep up and improve on thier National Education program.And since we already have a system where females and males get to serve the nation,it would be extremely foolish to set up a new system and risk the stability of the nation.

Therefore,young people,male and female,should NOT be made to undertake a period of military of community service.


PS:Phew!It's finally done.I'm proud of myself.Pls do criticise on this work of mine.Especially the secondary 4s this year.I consider this one of my best essays.

Scribble at 02:22 a.m.
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No use for a name......
Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Oh well,my previous post was for the purpose of venting my frustration and not meant to target anyone.
HOWEVER,if you do feel angered at my post because you think i was referring to you.....you do have some soul searching to do....what have you done against me??hahahahaha.

Well,bullshit aside.I am beginning to fear that the fellowship lacks patience.Patience with people and paitence with things.And i do feel that perhaps we do constantly need to be reminded about grace...grace given to us by God and the grace we should be extending to people.

You argue that the fellowship is growing quite well spiritually?From the way i see it,things isn't getting better.Some leaders are in dispute as well.Of course,having being a team leader myself,i understand team leaders are only human.And sometimes just need to blow up to let things cool.However,my sisters(since TLs all girls),strive to clear up the mess by taking the initiative.By accepting your role,you are saying you want to be a shepard like our Lord.Therefore,eat that humble pie before you!Be it your fault or anybody's fault.Take the first move of recounciliation.Trust me,i've ventured down that path before and the Lord have proved faithful.

Now another thing Liangjie and i find headache and simply wish not to be handling,relationships.To those already in one in the relationship,you know the rules.Try anything funny,those jokers will hunt you down like dogs.To those about to be in one,"tahan" one or two more years.Time reveals all things,you may not like what you see in your future partner anyway.But then again,i have to admit i don't understand thing about how you all feel.
Because i quote Aly,"You never had a girlfriend lah,how you understand",hahahahahaha

Why am i typing this post about relationships?It's not going to change anything anyway.But i am posting this because i just want to let out something.I just feel like writting something on it.It's my views entirely and you are welcomed to be my critic.

Anyway,i've not been feeling good lately.Been bothered by things.Worried by the actions and behaviours of certain individuals.Sometimes,they need to know people are concerned.But i'm not pressing this issue anyway.Let things move as it should.They say people learn after falling down.
I guess i'll just be content to be there to pick them up.

Scribble at 01:17 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Was it Worth it?
Tuesday, January 27, 2004

So it begins.

Can't you see that i'm trying my best to prevent anything from happening again?Why is it that the burden always lies on me?Don't you have your own shoulders to bear them?Must i really raise my voice,clearly speak of my dis-satisfaction to you?Must it come to the point where everything is irreversible,and then you'll be satisfied?

When will the time comes when you will see the light?Must i really give you a time where it'll be etched in your heart?Will, you learn that way?You have tested me to the limits of my patience.I want to resolve this in a godly manner.But you,in your own understanding,and never others,"improvised" on what we said and take it that the whole world is against you.

You said you will learn.But in fact,you mean you will learn it in your OWN way.Past events may have haunted you,but that's no excuse for your behaviour.Must we take the route of discipline?Isn't loving kindness and patience good enough for you?It's not?Well,then i think it is time.

It has come to this.

Scribble at 03:53 p.m.
[ something for me? ]

Samurai Goodness
Monday, January 26, 2004

LOL!RESPECT!

Matsunaga Hisahide (d.1577) Having failed in a rebellion against Oda Nobunaga, Matsunaga was faced with committing suicide even as enemy troops assailed the walls of his castle. It happened that Matsunaga was a tea master of some note, and knew that Nobunaga had always coveted his famous teakettle 'Hiragumo'. Hisahide therefore determined that Nobunaga would be denied the two things he wanted most from him. He ordered that, after he had commited suicide, his head and Hiragumo were to be fastened together and blown apart with gunpowder.
Nobunaga's reaction to losing both is unknown

The art of Seppuku
First, tatami edged with white would be set out, upon which a large white cushion was placed. Witnesses would arrange themselves discreetly to one side, depending on how important the coming suicide was considered. The samurai, often garbed in a white kimono, would kneel on the pillow in formal style on his heels, hopefully in a composed manner. Just over a meter behind and to the left of the samurai knelt his kaishakunin, or 'second'. The second was often a close friend of the deceased, although his duty was not a popular one. His job was to prevent the samurai committing suicide from experiencing undu suffering by cutting the doomed man's head off once he had slit his belly. Botching this duty could be a shameful disgrace, and a steady hand was required.
In front of the samurai lay a knife on a lacquered tray. When he felt ready, the samurai would loosen the folds of his kimono and expose his belly. He would then lift the knife with one hand and unsheathe it with the other, setting the sheathe to one side. When he had prepared himself, he would drive the knife into the left side of the stomach, then draw it across to the right. The blade would then be turned in the wound and brought upward. Many samurai did not have to endure this last, unbelievable agony, as the second would lop their heads off at the first sign of pain. The cut carried out to its finish was known as the jumonji, or 'crosswise cut', and to perform it in its entirety was considered a particularly impressive seppuku.

For the samurai to learn
There's only one thing,
One last thing -
To face death unflinchingly

Well,actually there's more.Go to http://www.samurai-archives.com for more information.

Watched Last Samurai with Aly,Jan,Nicholas and Freddie.At the last scene,i actually teared.Maybe it's out of respect to the fallen Katsumoto.His way of Seppuku(Hara-Kiri is a vulgar expression) was known as Kanshi.An act to prove to his Lord to make a point.Which,in the movie,was very successful.Indeed,the way of the Samurai is a dying one,but perhaps,they are also one of the most honorable bunch of warriors i have grown to respect over the years(through games and movies and books).Thier courage puts me to shame,loyalty unfailing.Samurais are expected to learn the tea ceremony as well as calligraphy and poetry.So if you think they are savages,you are wrong.Instead,they are what we call gentlemen.

So with all these in mind,try to lead a good life and death.lol.

Scribble at 12:41 a.m.
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It Comes True!
Sunday, January 25, 2004

Sigh.............

And i thought it would last.Well,this peaceful coexistence have been shattered once again.The horns of war can be heard once again.I just knew something was going to happen.Don't ask me how,but somehow i've been expecting it.Problem is,i wish for someone to tell me what's the reason behind it.

Oh never mind.Might just be me getting over-sensitive again.I seriously should stop being so damn observant!I seriously should not stick my legs in too many stuffs.I seriously need a long night's rest.

But then again,if God can forgive me,wash someone's feet.I guess why should i complain?Might as well smile at the person that's stabbing me.Smile at the person who just robbed me.What i'm trying to say is,i should just smile and totally leave everything to God.If it's my fault,i'll admit it with humility.If it's an accusation,i'll just smile.Oh yes,that's what i'm gonna do.

And to quote my brother Aly's words again,
"HECK LAH!"

Lol,so much easier that way.heh.

Scribble at 12:47 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Cowardice
Friday, January 23, 2004

I guess,after learning of the philosophy of Naruto.......what i can say is,

Only cowards think of themselves as the main characters of a tragedy.

I guess it's true to a certain extent.Sulking and being lame certainly doesn't deliver one from a so called bad circumstance.But it's just to face it like a Man(oops,girls face it like a lady then).I may not have watched Last Samurai yet,but i know enough about Japanese Bushido Code to know that Respect and Glory is not to be found in sulking away.Cowards are disgusting.To live and fight another day is one thing,but to turn a retreat into a rout is another.If we have to retreat,do it in a way worthy of being jotted down in military textbooks.

The point is,i'm feeling a bit down right now....as in.....NOW!Hence,this early post.Somehow,i don't feel good,something heavy in my heart,can't put my figer to it.............but it's bothering me.

I guess it must have something to do with "Da Sao"(da sao is you all call one...not me...hahaha)

And in a way,do people really grow stronger when they protect the important peoples in thier lives?How far will they actually go?Is sacrificing one's own life for a loved one really worth it?

Scribble at 05:59 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Tolerance of a Different Kind
Thursday, January 22, 2004

I was engaged in a conversation with someone on the earlier on.And the person reminded me of how i was like that some months,even weeks ago.

To be honest,i was in the midst of being hostile to a partifular individual.Thank God it's resolved.In more ways than one,i do admit i have my undesirable behaviours.So,please do have mercy on me next time...hahahaha.

Anyway,i was doing some thinking on how i could help out practically rather than just pray.(Prayer is important by the way).And nope,i could not find any better way to help.

But then again,i remembered something Ah Jie told me when i was lost in my anger.
"Remember how Jesus took up the cross for you."
I shall touch up abit on that sentence.
"Remember how Jesus took up the cross for you and was left hanging on it with nails driven into His hands and legs.A crown of thorns on His head,endured mockery from the people He was called to saved!And finally,before He left for heaven,said,'Father,forgive them for they know not what they were doing' and then with a spear stabbed into his side."

And above all,He died in place of the person you hated too.It's easy to say we love Him.But it's always hardest to love those He love.But in all ways,let's strive to be like our Lord,to the extent of being the humble one who washes our Judas Iscariot's feet.

By posting this,you people must be thinking,"You so zai meh?"
I will be truthful and say i'm not.It's okay to release your temper once in a while.However,we should not put into action the things we want to do to our transgressors.For how can we say we want to do our Father's will and yet hurt Him by hurting one of His sons?Surely,i have faith in my brothers and sisters we will not be hypocritical.In all things,let's strive to build up the church of Jesus Christ and let the paganistic world know that we are one truly led by the One true God who heals the sick and causes the blind to see and who has victory over Satan who sought to disunite us!

Gee,i'm abit naggy ,am i not?

Okay,just let me type abit more and i'll shut up.I have reasons to believe all these conflicts and restlessness is brought about by the demons that have somehow snuck in on our lives.Spirits of hatred,lust,disunity........what have you.Let's all renounce and cast out these demons so we might show them who's boss(Jesus la,duh.)Well,i know to pray for your enemy is abit hard on yourselves.Pray for ourselves first,and seek God ernestly that you might forgive those who sins against you.

Okay,i'm really done.heh

Scribble at 02:14 a.m.
[ something for me? ]

Not only Girls love Shopping
Monday, January 19, 2004

Quite a fruitful Sunday i had.Went to play games with my Hyena Company versus the Ruskies(Joe,Freddie and Winston).And of course,we won,giving them a very hard fight towards to end which saw us fighting with a fanaticism born of desperation.

After that,it was shopping time!I only wanted to get a T-shirt.So our first stop was OP at Tampines.Liangjie,Daniel,Joe and Zhaoqiang went with me.But Joe went back early,Daniel was "cuied",so he went home too.
As it is,it's left me and LJ(my Kapitan) and ZQ(Corporal Lobo).Wanted to get a Orange shirt from OP,but was reminded it resembles Alywin a lot.So we promptly went to Levi's,converse,Isetan and Metro.At Isetan's Billabong corner,LJ found the love of his life(okay maybe not to that extent).A very uber cool billabong surf pants.The colour combination was fantastic,and the cloth was,i can almost cry.So touched by the beauty of the pants.But since LJ is buying it,i'll give it a pass.
The funny thing was,we wanted to see more stuff first before coming back to get his pants,but LJ was so reluctant to let go of the pants and proceeded to do a sloppy job of trying to hide the pants where no one might take them.

Along the way,ZQ did what i deemed as mocking me.He kept saying that some T-shirts look good on me,but thier sizes were "S" aka SMALL.Trying to be funny ar?!So we finally came to this little shop called "Surf and Ski".And i got my t-shirt.Quite pleased with myself.
And as for Liangjie,he was to return to Isetan to find his pants safely where he left them.And we both went home with satisfied hearts.As for Zhaoqiang,it was fruitless.

One thing that struck me most was how ignorant i was.I always thought <37 degrees> was a girl surf brand!Blur ol'me went to message Tammy(cos she's the only girl i know that wears them) and called Alywin just to confirm that it has guy's wear too.However,did not buy anything from <37 degress>.

And another thing,during youth service,Danny told us to stay away from unwholesome relationships.But it went something like,"Stay away from unwholesome relations......REYNARD."At that moment,i knew my marketability was ruined as i saw heads turn to me faster than you can say,"boo".I was stunned.The only resistance i could offer was ,"HUH??!!".
But no worries,as if Danny knows who the person you guys must call "Da Sao" is.Muahahahahaha!.

Scribble at 02:22 a.m.
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Something to Announce
Thursday, January 15, 2004

All right,i'm sure those who are quite close to me would know that once upon a time,there was a girl whom i like.And as fate would have it,she became a butch.Or rather,dress like one.
However,i would like to clarify one thing,that is,she's no longer one.Because,as far as i know,she is a healthy female who likes boys.So,please be reminded not to call her a butch in my presence,but rather,call her by her real name please.

I'm actually starting to miss someone i haven't met.Well,to put it simply,i have the feeling that the person you all will be calling "Da-Sao",will be near soon,and i am getting quite restless.Which,of course,isn't good at all.And to put it across frankly,there's actually two person i am missing now.I wish for the comfort of knowing someone will whisper behind your ear to encourage you while you are fighting a battle.Of course,my brothers and sisters DO encourage me,but it's just.................different.

I better stop before some silver goldfish with black spots says i'm a "hopeless romantic".LOL
In a way,i am.But from another perspective,i'm just being practical.

Scribble at 03:59 a.m.
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Since Everybody is doing it...........
Thursday, January 15, 2004

I AM: Easily contented
I WANT: to get into CJC
I HAVE: a belly full of wits.
I WISH: that people would understand me
I HATE: people who don't trust me
I MISS: her
I FEAR: a lack of faith
I HEAR: the sound of the television
I SEARCH: no more
I WONDER: if i'll get killed in a mission trip
I REGRETTED: not studying hard for O's
I LOVE: my Father in heaven
I ACHE: for someone
I ALWAYS: seem childish
I AM NOT: childish if you understand my inner thoughts
I SING: whenever i'm sad or oppressed
I CRY: sometimes
I AM NOT ALWAYS: some idiot who don't think of consequences
I WRITE: when i'm sad
I WIN/WON: if i can
I LOSE/LOST: sometimes … and i'm a sore loser
I CONFUSE: people
I NEED: to be taken care of
I SHOULD: grow up?

(Yes Or No.)
x. You keep a diary: Obviously
x. You like to cook: if it's for that someone
x. You have a secret you have not shared with
anyone: yeah.
x. You believe in love: Yes,but i believe more in God's destiny for me

-------------------------------------------------

The Weirdest Person you Know: You would be surprised
The Loudest Person you Know: Lost count.
The Sexiest Person you Know: That shall be a secret
Your closest friend(s): Aly,Daniel,LJ.
The People that Knows the Most about you: Alywin

------------------------------------------

Do You...?
Have a(any) crush(es): yup
Want to get married: yup,and i want 2 boys and a girl!
Get motion Sickness: yes
Think you're a health freak: Absolutely not
Get along with your parents: yah
Like thunderstorms: Yea,it's quite soothing

---------------------------------------

NATURAL HAIR COLOR: Brown
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: Same as above
EYE COLOR: slightly red-brown
BIRTHPLACE: Kedang Kerbau,Third crib from left

-----------------------------------------------

(FAVORITES )

NUMBER: Even numbers
COLOR: blue,yellow,green and orange
DAY: Saturdays
MONTH: December
SONG: nope
FOOD: beats me
SEASON: fall
SPORT: soccer,bowling
DRINK: ice cold water

-------------------------------------------------

( PREFERENCES )
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT : if i can help it,i'd rather a cuddle first then make out.
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE? Ice Blended chocolate
MILK, DARK, OR WHITE CHOCOLATATE? Milk
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE? chocolate

----------------------------------------------

( IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU.... )
CRIED? naah
HELPED SOMEONE? think so
BOUGHT SOMETHING? nope
GOTTEN SICK? nope
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? nope
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? nope
TALKED TO AN EX? Find me an EX first?
MISSED AN EX? Like i said,who can i miss?
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL? yup
HAD A SERIOUS TALK? nope
MISSED SOMEONE? yeah
HUGGED SOMEONE? naah,i'm british bred and don't believe in them....just kidding!
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? nope
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? nope
PLAYED ANY GAMES ONLINE? GUNBOUND!
DO YOU FEEL LONELY? i get bouts of lonliness.

Scribble at 03:21 a.m.
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A Soldier
Monday, January 12, 2004

I just watched finish "We Were Soldiers"

There's this scene where the wife of the Colonel had to break the news to wives of the deceased husband.And being the thinker i am and so free in terms of time,i thought about myself.
You see,i want to be a soldier....FULL TIME.And i intend to rise through the ranks and my mentality now is that i certainly hope i will lead my men into a glorious victory against our "neighbours".And there's the chance i may die and men will die in war.So how's my wife going to help me in this?Will she be strong enough to help me comfort the wives of my dead comrades?And no!I won't deliberately make my dear go through all these,because i don't want her to be worried and it's irresponsible to leave her alone and go and fight a war.
But somehow,there's a possibility of "what if".So it really affects what i look for in a girl.I guess after all my fiascos and things i learned from previous setbacks,i don't think looks hold the absolute priority anymore.Character,instead,is such a powerful drawing to me.Even a plain looking girl,given that character,will still look so fair and bright to me.The opposite is true as well.

So why am i writting this?Because i'm bored and i felt the need to exercise my writting skills lest they be wasted.I can't say i write the most powerful essays,but what i write,it's from my heart.And of course,i don't think i write too bad anyway.HAHA.
This entry may make no sense to you.I don't blame you.Just look at the time when i type this.

Scribble at 04:47 a.m.
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Clean Up!
Monday, January 12, 2004

I was doing some clearing up of my room just now,and i found Christmas cards wrote to me by various people.

I found a card sent from Texas by Daryn when he was there studying.Found Yilong's card among them too.And lastly,i saw my dear sister jessie's card there too.

It led me pondering about what had happened to these people(saved Daryn).Yilong is officially Missing in Action(M.I.A) I missed this dear brother and his occasional dry humour and funny way of seeing things.He encouraged me when i was still young in my faith then.But too bad,he himself have some issues with church i guess.

And how can i forget Liang jie and Tammy's cousin Jessie?Such an adorable trio when they first came to YF.So innocent and child-like(Okay LJ and Tam,you still are....in a way)But it's been a year since i saw her?Always was frustrated that she didn't harness her potential to do something big for God(or Dua Zong eh in hokkein).She's always been my burden and there's not a moment where i don't think of her and sigh to myself that she's not part of all the exciting things that's happening in YF.I still have the burdens for her and still are praying.Just hope that she'll see past the worldly veil that's covering her eyes.

Oh,And my room is still quite untidy.

Thought this would be the end of my entry didn't you?Heh.Well,i told some loyal readers i'll be updating a play i thought of myself up here.Yes,i've got the plot,the content and even the lines!But just couldn't finalise the stuff.Will do so ASAP.

AND I LOVE MY NEW TEAM.(My ex team members,i love you too.But try to forget me okay?haha)

Scribble at 12:12 a.m.
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John 13
Wednesday, January 7, 2004

This chapter in John literally made me cry and wept.

Why?

Jesus knew He was going back to heaven.So He went to wash His Disciples' feet.It's such an act of humility,for a God to wash a mortal's feet.As if that wasn't enough,The Holy Spirit reminded me that the feet was considered to be one of the dirtiest body parts.Now if those revelations didn't set me crying to God and giving thanks for His wonderful Love.It was simply the fact Jesus,washed Judas Iscariot's feet.And why him?Because of the simple fact he is the betrayer of our Lord!And Jesus knew Judas would betray Him,and yet,He submitted himself to wash the feet of the one that is going to betray Him.And considering the earlier things i told you ,how can one doubt His love and ever flowing grace and mercy for us when he even washes the feet of His betrayer?

I cried after i read this passage.I was really touched by this simple act.An act of example of humility,and of His great love.Praise Him!To God be the everlasting Glory and Power.Indeed,His love transcends all understanding.

How many of us have been disappointed,betrayed,backstabbed by those you trust?And how many of us have that huge ego and pride in what we are doing?Just look at the example of our Lord washing His betrayer's feet,and i am sure it all seem so small.Forgive those that you should forgive,because for them,it's the Lord's will if He wants to punish them.Let go of the past grudges,for we must seek to be like our Lord,washing the feet of our enemies.

I'm humbled yet again by You,my Master.

Scribble at 01:10 a.m.
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The Meaning of Life
Monday, January 5, 2004

Indeed,death is sobering.

Just back from Danny's mom's wake.Glad to see Danny and Aaron and family's doing fine.Jianming brought up a question to me which kinda got me into a thinking mood.

"Reynard,don't you think it's sobering that last sunday,Danny's mom was still around,and now we are attending her wake?"

And in my usual initial joking attitude,i replied,

"Yeah,i'm eating a bun now,and next moment,i may choke and die on it anytime."

But it's really interesting how fleeting life goes by you.Like chasing after the wind,how many of us can really say that i've led a meaningful and God-driven life should we die now?Just like Sunday's sermon,the only right direction is knowing Christ and making Christ known.

So i guess,regarding what Alywin and i have been discussing,it's really not the issue.Besides,i've already slipped into the mode where i'm just happy with the status quo.Do not really wish to go and start all over again.It's better leaving it to God while i just seek Him.

And allow me to quote Jim Elliot once again,
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keeps,and gain what he cannot gives"

Indeed,my life should be of one purpose and focus.Let everything else just fall into place.

Scribble at 03:13 a.m.
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