only you know and I know

"7 Chinese Brothers swallowing the ocean,
Seven thousand years to sleep away the pain." Catherine is about midway over the Pacific Ocean right now. Six days seemed to go pretty damn quickly. Between being sick, work, going to Kauai and sightseeing it all went incredibly fast. I didn't get to show Catherine around as much as I would have liked to but I did have lots of work to do. I still do. And Mark comes on Tuesday. I am getting better at being a host but I still need a lot of work. Saturday we went to the North Shore and had some beach time. We played with the turtles, it was fun. Then we briefly checked out the Sugar Bar. I was pretty excited about getting to the party the Gallaghers were throwing last night because I thought it would be a drinkfest. But as it turned out I mainly did a lot of talking to people I hadn't seen in awhile. The party went on for a long time though so I certainly had my fill. It was only a let down because I thought it would be a bit crazier. Instead it was tame. I guess if you want a crazy party you gotta be willing to be crazy and I wasn't up for it last night. But I slept in this morning for the first time since I caught my cold so that was nice. I am pretty much over that cold. It was a slow drowning that killed that cold. It certainly wasn't rest and good food. Although Cafe Monserrat the other night was certainly very good food. I'll have to start taking future visitors there. I am glad there is a full week between when Mark is here and when Elisa comes, I will need the down time to get caught up on work. Work is going along pretty well, I just need to devote more time to it before it gets out of hand. But right now I am gonna curl up with my journal and write and nap.

seems i'm not alone at being alone
I cranked out a poem about the neighbor's dog today. It was good because it came real easily. I guess I didn't really write the poem but a good outline of what it will be like. I need to shine it up a bit before I could really call it a poem but it's a start. I have lots to write poems about right now because I am in one of those moods. I am unhappy without a particular irritant besides the daily grind. I had a presentation to the Kauai historical preservation review committee that I gave yesterday which went horribly. They pretty much strapped on the flame throwers and scorched the hell out of me. I could have found a more receptive crowd if I were a veal producer giving a lecture to PETA members. I guess the reason I am in such an all around crabby mood is that I haven't taken Barbra's advice to heart and gotten any real rest in the past week. I keep working and entertaining my days away and sleep has taken a complete back seat. It's past midnight now and tomorrow will be even worse. I will show Catherine around the whole island and then go to a big party. It's not a big party in terms of the number of attendees but in terms of who will be there and the amount of beer that will be consumed. Knowing that I can skip home from where the party is being held I don't think "restraint" will be the keyword of the evening. I think gluttony seems more apropos. All right don't get all riled up, you know my bark is worse than my bite and I will probably only have a few beers before calling it a night. yeah, that's the ticket. Anyway, it should be fun. Plus Catherine leaves Sunday so it is her last hurrah. I hope her days weren't wasted while I worked and that she had fun overall. Even tomorrow while we visit the North Shore I will squeeze in some work. I must be ill. Oh well, I still get Monday off before Mark comes and the pace changes but the song remains the same. It will be really good to see Mark though. He was a prince as a roommate. I won't bag on or belittle Brad but it's a lot different now. On a totally different note, I was pleasantly surprised when Strom searched his son's name (william carns thacker) on google.com and came up with one hit. and the hit was my pita. that tripped me out. i thought that the stuff i write about here didn't get farther out than you and me. apparently the spiders found me and categorized me. kind of cool, kind of spooky. Now all that stuff I wrote about the prez may get a secret service dude knocking on my door. i will plead temporary idiocy which would easily work right now. along with the idiocy has come complete sessation of motor-cortical skills. so if i was supposed to call you recently please forgive me. tomorrow is a new day and a new chance to redeem myself, so let me. that's my not-so-cryptic plea to those I need to call and write. just remember, hope springs eternal and the objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.

blood, chocolate and pineapple
It's weird having a house guest. Each one is slightly different but they all alter your general being. When I have a guest I don't get to be as selfish and me, me, me as I usually am . Suddenly I have to think about what they want to do and what is good for them. Usually it's just all about me and where I want to go on any given day at any given time. When Kathryn came I had a ton of stuff planned out and we just did it. We fit a lot of stuff into a small period of time and then boom! it was already time for her to jet home. With Catherine we have sort of been winging it from the beginning and I don't know what we are going to do on any given day. Today we went shopping. That was perfect for me because I have been meaning to pick up some new stuff but just don't do that kind of thing much. But let me give you a bit of advice - NEVER go shopping with someone who makes twice as much money as you do. She was urging me on whenever I was reluctant to buy something and sometimes suggested I buy two of them if I liked it a lot because it was the thing to do. Now I don't want to distort the truth too much here because the things I did end up buying were things I really liked and needed. But I don't think I would have bought the cool bowling shirt if it were not for her. I must say though that the bowling shirt is me. I'm glad I got it. It was funny because she used our breakfast tab as the point of reference when buying stuff. She'd say, "that costs less than breakfast - buy two!" But breakfast included Brad and was pretty damn expensive for a breakfast (like $45). But if you think of it in breakfast terms it doesn't seem so expensive. I almost got a lot more shirts that cost less than breakfast but I didn't feel comfortable buying stuff at Needless Markup. Even with 70% off I felt I was getting robbed. But now I have some nice loafers from Nordstrom, two pairs of shorts from Banana Republic and a new wallet. Oh, and that cool bowling shirt. While on the town I almost mailed Chris his tape and I did get some pictures developed from when I first moved here four months ago. I lost the camera and just found it (actually Mando found it at his place). But they weren't all that great of pictures so I wasn't missing much. And on that weak note I had better hit the hay because I have to get up and go to Kauai in six hours. I should bring chocolate to try and bribe the rental car people. I couldn't reserve a car because they are all sold out due to some regatta going on over there. If I don't get a car tomorrow will suck! Cabbing it here and there. Not pretty. And on a final lame note I must cnofess that my allergy to pineapple is getting worse. My tongue gets all itchy and puffy when I even get small amounts of it. What kind of Hawaiian is allergic to pineapple?!! Well, I guess I could struggle through my allergy if I don't mind not breathing for significant amounts of time. no more insane than trying my hardest to hold onto this cold for as long as humanly possible. i'll get some rest one of these days. and i give a final shout out to corey stringer, former tackle for the minnesota vikings who died today. heard he was a good man.

the end of July as we know it . . .
And I feel sick. I haven't been able to shake this cold and instead have been working on turning it into pneumonia. something about staying out late and drinking like a man on death row is keeping my cold around. I gave my presentation in Waimea to the Church and the next thing you know I am drinking Foster's and Sapporos while diving in the surf. The beaches were beautiful: long, uncrowded and unique. It was real fun. But then Monday morning rolls around and I have lots to do and all I can think about is how much I would like to sleep. I get nominal amounts of work done before I give in to the good advice of Barbra and just plow back into bed to find the true meaning of Christmas (it is hidden in the cupboard at the top of the stairs). I have wacky sick dreams about unresolved issues and wake up sweating like Pavorotti at the end of La Boheme. Anyway, I think I know what it's all about and start to write in my journal. About two lines in I am out again dreaming about slightly less irritating people than Gilbert Godfried. I wake up and weigh my eat or go back to sleep to find some real rest options and decide to make some soup. I adulterate some ramen with enough hot sauce to make my Mexican uncles blush and call it a day. Well, almost. Then I go pick up Catherine from the airport and go to Gordon Biersch. Carlos, Mando and Brad meet us there and I partake of a nominal amount of the Dunkles beer. As I found out, it's not an ale, all of G-B's brews are lagers. Thanks for that info Strom. I would mention what Strom did last week but that is best kept between your wife or really close friends. So after the beers I come home and try and sleep in today because I know I am going to call in sick to my meeting with the client so I don't have to face the wrath of not doing much this past week. But I get on a late roll and decide to go to the meeting. After the meeting I meet the regular crew at Ocean's and the craziness begins again. But I am home now and am hopeful that tomorrow will be a new day. As for Chris not coming out to join in the festivities I curse him. I am sure he is doing the right thing but I still curse him. Now the Astros will get walloped when I come to see them play the Giants on 9/20. By the way I am still buying those tickets this Friday so let me know if you are in or not. Beyond that I just want you to know that Catherine brought some pretty crappy weather with her. Lots of rain lately. Like Peru in the rainy season but lots of rainbows and the love of the Islands. And with that I bid thee adieu. Chris I will send your tape back with Catherine. so there.

sick on a Saturday night
I had some Vietnamese soup for dinner and have been drinking orange juice like I had stock in it but I have a feeling tomorrow will be a tough day. If I could have done the smart thing and not gone out at all on Friday then I am sure that today would have been much better. But I had to go see the first showing of Planet of the Apes in downtown Honolulu. I can't really review the movie for you because there are a lot of plusses and then there is the ending. And since I can't talk specifically about the ending I will just say that the movie should be seen on the big screen, it is very entertaining, so just go see it. After the movie I went with Carlos and had some hard liquor (to make my throat feel better) at Brew Moon. If I am drinking hard liquor at a brew pub you gotta know something is up. Anyway, that started about 230 and then three or four Jack on the rocks later we went over to the Row Bar. That place is kind of nostalgic for us because when we worked at restaurant row we used to go there about three times a week. It was perfect because we met up with Paul and Mark there who used to work with us back in the day. It's not much of a scene anymore because the Ocean Club sucked up a lot of their business. But Friday was sunny and breezy so it was a perfect day to be outside at the Row. After one Canadian Mist on the rocks I slid back to something a bit more comfortable: Bud Light. My throat was feeling fine by then anyways :) We hung out there until about 730 and then went over to Gordon Biersch to meet Carlos' wife and some of her friends. It was just a bunch of women so two beers later what do they want to do? Go back to one of their houses and watch Sex in the City. Boy that show must be really big. But I went along because they were going to watch the first season and I had told my friend Barbra that I would rent that just to see what the show is all about. The person's house we went to only had Coors Light so that put a screeching halt to my embibing for the night - which wasn't a bad thing. We watched the first three episodes and they we well done, much different than what they do in the current season. Carrie talks to the cammera a lot more in that first season. Listen to me talking about Sex in the City like I know what the hell I am blabbering about. Sad thing is that I do know what I am blithering on about. I think what appeals to women about Sex in the City is that it has strong women roles and the guys in it are just perfunctory characters - sort of a reverse of what television is usually like. So you know what, it's an entertaining, well-made show, but it doesn't really appeal to me. It's not like I am suffering when I watch it, but it also isn't something I would consciously set aside time to watch . . . like the Simpsons. That is the only tv show I actually try and remember to watch. It's not as surprisingly funny and edgy as it once was but it still can make me laugh out loud and make me say, "it's sooo funny - and on so many levels!" I hope you saw the episode to which I refer. Today I slept in and my body felt achy from the cold I am still fighting. I had to help a friend move a dresser today and that was pretty much all I was good for. I'm glad she didn't have more to move than that because I wasn't up for being a lackey for a full day. It was done in less than two hours. Afterwards I reluctantly drank a medium-cold Miller Lite to be social. All I really wanted to do was get home and return to the coccoon. Which I did soon enough. And that's where I am headed now, even though my presentation for tomorrow is not quite ready. Hey, hard is a church board gonna be on me on a Sunday??? All I can say is that they had better be good Chrisitians and let me slide on my lame graphics and raspy voice. Once that is done I think I will acquaint myself with Barking Sands beach. You know, it's the one just past the Waimea Brewing Co. Yeah, tomorrow should be just peachy.

Vested interest - united ties, landed gentry rationalize
I have been writing in here a lot this week. Mainly because I have either been staying up late or coming home early - I will let you do the math on the probability of which one occurs more frequently. Just so you know, I am always poaching lines from Weller and Stipe for my pagename titles. It's easier that way. Before I get too far into a rant or something I just wanted to mention how sad it was to hear about Monique getting her purse stolen from her locker while she was spinning away at the Y. You know her purse had everything it AND the Holy Grail so it will be a pain to replace all that stuff. Also, for any of you who know my co-worker in SF, Chad Abbott, his Dad is recovering fairly well for someone who had half the skin on their body burned off. My last public announcement is that Miles has a show on the second Saturday of August. If you didn't get an invite and really want one, call him. (916) 498-0731 leave your name and address and I am sure he will get you an invitation to the opening in the mail. Okay, I think that is it for the informational newswire. I did decide that I am definitely going to crash the Bay Area scene for the long weekend of September 20th. I am open to any invitations to crash on your floor so start sending them to me :) Let me know the names of people who want to see the Giants-Astros game on Thursday, Sept. 20 at 1235 because I will buy (or arrange to buy) the tickets by Friday of next week. I'll also send out some e-mails regarding the same but I figured now was a good time to post that. So far this week has been extremely boring with me getting A LOT of work done so it sucks on one level but is nice on another. Tonight Brad and I went to Gordon Biersch and had a few cold, hand-crafted ales. Right now their specialty beer is the hefeweizen, and although I admire the glass it comes in, I don't like beers that come with fruit: whether it's an adornmant or in the brew itself. A Summer of Sam Adams Summer Ale really ruined me on that stuff. But at the time it was cheap and extremely refreshing. I can't wait to get into the City and partake of all those freshly tapped kegs of hoppy goodness. Mmm, beer. Sure, I will do some artsy-fartsy stuff as well but I do have a certain hankering for an Anchor Liberty Ale on tap. And the place to get it will be at the brewery on the 21st of September. Vacations are so easy to plan when you know what you want! I will probably spend a couple nights in the City and a couple in Sac-town. But it will be a wonderful respite from the grueling, relentless, tortuous work that I do here. Oh yeah, I've been working REAL hard - wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Before I depart I just want to say that if I was unduly harsh on my roommate Brad in earlier passages, I certainly didn't mean to be. He's a cool dude. Now bring on the weekend and the dreams of Art with artless notions.

Bukowski the Mockingbird never wished me any luck
I didn't write last night. Instead I stayed up and watched Barfly. I hadn't seen it in awhile so I figured what the hell. It made me want to go to a dive bar and drink quietly in the corner while mentally casting dispersions on everyone that came and went. Well, sort of. The story is such a fairytale. A guy who has nothing but his craft ekes out an existence amongst the alcoholics and low-lifes of society without a true plan but just enough dumb luck. And when he gets the chance to rise above his state by hooking up with a lonely rich girl, he has the sense to eschew her golden bars and return to his meager existence because he knows it is the source of his craft. In between, he sells a story for $500 and gets a girlfriend. I must like modern fairytales because it kept me entertained. But I never really had a liking for hard liquor and this movie didn't give me any new warm fuzzies about it. All I could think about was the slow deterioration and temporary sense of euphoria it gave those barflies. Frank Stallone plays a great pompous ass of a bartender and Bukowski makes a cameo in the film. It stars Mickey rourke and Faye Dunaway, which seems like an unlikely pair but they pull it off extremely well. I remember being at Berkeley when I read "women" by Bukowski and thinking, what the hell is this? It was so different from anything I had read before. It's repulsiveness was slightly attractive and kept me reading on and on as its debauchery became more and more enticing. When I finished it I thought it was a great read by a very sick and twisted man who suffered from his gift of writing. Then I picked up a book of his poetry and that's when it all really clicked. It's simple, verging on crude, but not plain writing. Sort of Hemmingway meets e.e. cummings and Sam Kinison. One of my favorite poems by him is the fisherman. I think it is in his book "You get so alone sometimes it just makes sense". You might read it and not think much of it but it represents something that was a good time for writing and reading and comedy. Overall I got two things from "women". One was that a baby has all the potential in the world but it doesn't mean a damn thing until he actually does something. That and "flank". I thought that was the funniest term for the exposed upper leg of a woman. Most of you probably don't think of it as funny but you have to consider the timing. All I wanted to do was live the fantasy that I had a craft I could fall back on and that it would get me through the roughest times. And given the chance at the golden bars, I would spurn them and stay true. But instead of really pursuing writing as a way of life I took a safer road. And as Frost would say, it's made all the difference.

the big kahuna, July 24
it's just after 7pm and i just finished watching that movie on cable. it has sissy spacek (no, wait, Kevin Spacey!) and danny DeVito and some other dude. i watched it and was left with the feeling of, "it seemed good but was it?" I mean some of the dialogue was interesting and thought-provoking but if I was kevin spacey I would have totally lit into that young crusader who didn't want to do his job. I don't like doing my job all the time and I really like good dialogue in a movie but that was trying too hard to be something philosophical and grand in a minimalist kind of setting. There was nothing else going on in the movie but the dialogue. It needed some action outside of the one room it is mostly shot in. I wouldn't recommend it unless you really like Spacey, which I do. the ending is fluff. That's all I get to see on a Tuesday night while I know someone in DC who is going to the premiere of Planet of the Apes! and mark wahlburg will be there too. damn, that's what i get for living on an island! a warm, beautiful, tropical island i might add. i was going to go running today because i got out of my meeting early but then i remembered about the horrible chaffing i got from playing football on the beach yesterday. why do guys have liners on their swimshorts?!? just to rub the hell out of me and make me walk funny for a couple of days. normally on a tuesday night i would do the ritual of ocean club but i have lots of work. i always cry about lots of work but right now i am getting lots done so it is only making more work for me which i guess is good in the long run. in the short run it makes me not want to work at all - like i am doing now. instead of working tonight i think i will redo one side of chris' tape and then write. it's a great night for writing because it is young. i'll make some vegetable soup to go with the killer sourdough bread i got from SF for dinner, then do fun personal stuff like finish a tape and write. Mmm. October 1 is now just around the corner and i should be writing more. so next time you e-mail me ask me if i have been writing. i could use the gentle needling about that. speaking of needling, i am so tired of seeing my roommate that just looking at him bothers me. hey, we live and work together and in the morning he always asks me, "so what do ya got going today?" and at about 3pm he will ask me, "so what are you doing tonight?" they are perfectly innocuous questions but i do tire of them. he's a good guy too, i just get tired of seeing him ALL the time. he is probably waaaaaay tired of seeing me too. but football on the beach, now that was fun. even having my boss on my team couldn't detract from that moment. and then afterwards driving over the Pali with a sliver of moon slicing though a magnificently clear sky full of stars that were almost within reach. now that's entertainment. so serene and overwhelming. i can think of lots of adjectives and adverbs to describe the feeling but i will save it for later and the ol' pen and ink journal. hope you all liked the photos i sent out of the humble abode in Kailua. with Catherine, Mark and Elisa on the horizon i know there will be lots more to do around here than gazing at my roommate all the time as if i were in some sick psychological test from a twilight zone episode. kayaking, hiking, viewing a highly recommended play, a neighbor island jaunt and perhaps some pool playing and beer drinking will be involved. i had better exercise now while i still can. each visitor will be fairly different - yet similar :) they will certainly all be fun. now it's off to make soup, tape and poetry.