only you know and I know

cast down by an angel
I got a tape from Chris in the mail today. I heard the first two songs and then had to get back to work. The first one kind of surprised me because it started off softly so I turned up the stereo and then boom! it kicked in. I guess I should have known. Good songs but only the beginning. I only have one of Chris' tapes that he made for me because the rest are in a box. It's funny because I put a bunch of stuff in a box that I wanted to take/ship with me because I thought I really needed that stuff sooner than what the cargo ship was going to deliver the other stuff. BUT I was in a rush at the very end of my stay in SF and ended up leaving it there. So I am SOL for the time being. I think Strom's dad was the first person I ever heard use the expression SOL. Anyway, I am bummed about it but obviously I am living fine without it. Tonight I saw Carlos and Jessica and a friend of theirs (some dude). It was cool hanging with them and I hadn't been to G-B in awhile so it was all good. I got there a bit early so I thought I was going to write a poem about "moments" but I didn't get past the title before I realized I couldn't approach it head on and would need a different angle to approach it. So I started a letter to Bert instead. I was telling him about this wacky conversation I had with an older filipino couple. Basically he spoke too softly for me to understand a word he was saying but I nodded and said "oh yeah" here and there. But at the end he introduced himself and his wife and we shook hands. then he asked me how many kids I had. then he asked me why not. then he went off on how I had to go to the Philipines and how well they would treat me there, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. And I'll tell you, if I wasn't a prison-type audience in the beginning, I would never have listened to more than about five minutes of his mumblings. But in the end, I thought, "hey, he was a nice guy. good people." And it was a good moment. tomorrow I head to Kauai and I am sure there will be plenty of good moments there (remember the Waimea Brewing Company?! Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about!) because it is always nice to do the mini-vacation. I think I will probably stay the night because I have so much work to do there that I couldn't possibly finish it in one day. I know you may scoff at that and think that I am just in it for the pseudo vacation but I am not. Work items are very high on my list of things to do these days so I need to start scratching them off the list. It is a nice perk though. I talked to Corkery and he is planning to come out here for Labor Day weekend so I can mark that off as a non-productive week. He can do two things very, very well: drink and play pool. So I will try and be as good of competition as I can. I also talked to Greta today and she had a big night with Mando last night. Appearantly there was plenty of wine embibed and Mando was quite the Chatty Kathy. It's almost time for him to get his groove on back to the Bay Area. With Tower Records in Bankruptcy and taking all sorts of cost-saving measures, the writing is on the wall. But he's out seeing Kenny Burrell tonight at Yoshi's so that's all good. Just an hour or so ago I talked to Miles. He was kvetching about two things. One, he made a Jazz tape for 'topher and didn't get any feedback about it. And two, he doesn't want to go to the 9/20 giants-astros game. They are separate things but they are both kinda lame in my mind. And since this is my little pulpit I will expound on them. Okay, first of all I am sure 'topher said thanks for the tape somehow - and in the off-chance he didn't it may be because he was "feeling like ass" for a few weeks. But come on, I'm sure if Miles went to the game 'topher would bring it up and be all accolades. And then we come to the baseball game. He said he didn't want to come to that because whenever he comes in to SF for a baseball game (with me and gang) he gets too hammered to drive home. But the main reason I want him to come, and he doesn't know this, is that I wanted to see him right before his birthday. He doesn't like doing stuff for his birthday on his birthday so I thought this might be a nice little surprise thing. So, would he end up getting a little lit and not being able to drive home? - Hey, the game is at 1235pm and that makes for a lot of sunshine hours of drinking. There is no way he wouldn't get his drink on with the crowd. But SHOULD he come down and do it? Absolutely. I know that if he gets a few phone calls from maybe three or four choice people he would come down and do it. SO I will get him a ticket for the game and then lean on Neek, Mark, Chris and Action to give him a call and tell him what a fool he would be for missing out on the occasion. I am not sure I have any of those people on board for the game yet but I should be able to do that. If I can't get them to support me, oh woe is me. I mean that's my peeps! Helen is cool too but she doesn't do baseball. I think I covered that area earlier in the week/month. Oh, and if you have Miles' phone number already - don't call him because yet. We'll do that later. All right, that is enough typing for now because I got a plane to catch tomorrow. There are still so many moments to be had. Maybe it will start with one on the airplane? who knows? Hope springs eternal.

sometimes a great notion
i just read plasticpunk.pitas.com and I thought, oh please! but i ususally think that about most of other people's writings. I am currently reading Seamus Heaney's Beowulf and Robert Pinsky's Jersey Rain. They are both great works by "major" poets. What determines a major poet I will never know, that is left up to the editors of Norton's Anthology of Poetry. It's a huge, horrible read but i guess you have to start somewhere. The two venerable old poets remind me of U2 and REM who both put out some outstanding works recently. I had sort of given up on U2 and their ability to make an album I could fully relate to. As for REM, I just thought that when they lost their drummer they were forcing it: trying to stay around longer than necessary. But BAM! both of them put out stellar albums recently and I am excited. Radiohead's Amnesiac is very Radiohead, and that is a good thing! Because of Chris I also have XTC's latest, Homegrown, which features a bunch of outtakes and then the finished versions. It's good stuff, but only if you are very interested in the whole creative process. Because hearing a guy hum some stuff and then play a few wacky chords is defintely not for everyone. but there is something about knowing that other people suffer too, that makes me feel good, or at least better. how about this. movement over stability. a walk versus a glance. a scent over a smile. and where it takes us, only we can know because there we decide. a smile over a grin, like eggs over five easy pieces. a thought inside a notion. why love, why despair. uneven but with flair, a hat over small minds. bald yet clinging to beauty. soft pictures, hard times, a simple trap. a smile over a grin. or something exactly like that. the pita, the blank page. it was a nice thought to leave it alone. but "sometimes a great notion can lead you astray. so weak to devotion, so strong to desire." Happy Birthday Du man, this Gordon Biersch is for you. Oh, did I also mention that I was reading some Jorge Luis Borges?! I love the Spanish language when it comes to poetry. It's beauty is so simple. And realistically, isn't that the way it ought to be? I am thinking of one person (as a representation of many) as my answer to that. What about you? I remember throwing metaphors around and sinking in my chair (high school). well, how about you?

come and get your love
It's 1223am on the 24th of June, barely. Chris mentions me in his online journal so I gotta give the props back. I can't wait to get his tape. I also can't wait for him to get my letter and write back. But at the rate that guy writes I would be better off waiting for Bush to give up on offshore oil drilling. I like how California won that first round. There is nothing scarier for the environment than drilling for oil. Do we need it? Not that bad. Tonight I was pretty good and just watched Before Night Falls over at Carlos' place with his wife and sister in law. The sister in law is great because she is so damn feisty. She is like the perennial agitater. She'll say the sky is green if it will get your goat. The best thing is she doesn't even have to try very hard before she has got somebody going. I wonder how she and 'Topher would get along. Probably like oil and water. My roommate Brad really likes her and all her gumption, I sort of do too. I would much rather hang with someone who is talkative and full of opinions rather than someone who is quiet and doesn't really have any opinions. But, it could get old after awhile too. I don't see her that much so it was fun to see her tonight. By the way, the title of this entry is the name of a song that I have running through my head. I don't know who does it but it is definitely a 70's tune. All right, I know I was getting at this earlier but I really do need to take a little break from my pita for awhile. So send me e-mails if you get a chance, otherwise know that I am working hard. I also am getting set up on some sort of a group date thing next week. But you'll have to wait and hear about it later. peace. out.

Good times, bad times
The good news is that I have cable access and it is real quick. The bad news is that I already spend too much time online and have to put myself on a little self-imposed hiatus. But boy do I love being on line and not having to worry about the minutes. I spoke with my brother Miles earlier and he said Mom was maiking some Mexican food for Mando's birthday tomorrow and that there would be plenty if I wanted to just show up - yeah right. Kind of like Strom's invitation earlier today to come over for some ice cream cake. I am just starting to get a little inkling of wanting to get back to the Mainland for a visit. If I could, I would like to go see the day game between the Giants and the Astros on September 20. I think that is a Thursday so I could make it a four day weekend. I think that could work if I plan ahead but I think that is the weekend I am suppose to go to a wedding in Detroit - but hey, you'd understand, right Jeff? Jeff Lewis, not Q. If I actually go to Jeff's wedding then I would like to hit Boston or NYC or DC and make a week of it all. The only problem is that work might be REAL busy then. Hi Helen! I always think about calling you but haven't yet - sorry. Have I said that before in here? Anyway, I think going to SF would be a better call than going to Detroit because there are more people I would like to see in the greater bay area than there are in Detroit. Plus, I am thinking at least a couple of people would play hooky and go to the game with me . . . right Chris? Miles? Mark? Action? Mo? Bob? Jeff? Helen?!? No, probably not Helen. Last time I went to a baseball game with her I was with a group of her work buddies and I was yelling at David Justice, calling him a wife beater. At the time I thought it was appropriate, in hindsight, maybe not. Maybe though. I love to holler at the umps too. So don't give me good seats where I can openly debate balls and strikes with the plate ump. heck, give me bleacher seats and I will probably still let them know when a ball is called a strike and vice versa. But I am not real familiar with the new strike zone so perhaps that would give me restraint. Mmm, perhaps. How much are beers at the ballpark? I think that would give me more restraint than anything else. I am jonesing for a professional sporting event though. When do Pro Bowl tickets go on sale? That would be about all I could get around here. I'm telling you, Giants-Astros, September 20, 12:35pm PST, be there or be square. Who is gonna organize it? 'Topher? Jeff? I dunno but somebody should step up to the proverbial plate. With Mando being on the Mainland right now it kind of cuts in half the number of people I would normally hang with on a Saturday night. Good thing Carlos called, now I have something to do. Otherwise I would have made paper boats and put them in the little koi pond and then lit them on fire. I don't think the fish would have liked that too much. Whoa, hey! I just realized it is sunny outside. I think that is a personal invitation from God to go visit the beach before night falls. alooooooooha! oh and a p.s. of sorts, if I just check e-mail and don't write in here for a bit, please know that it is for the best. At least work will think so. Plenty o' work to do these days. Lord knows I love to pita though. we'll see. Remember in Badlands when Martin Sheen gets caught and they are asking him why he did it(killed all those people in his cross-country trip) and he says, "I don't know sir, takes all kinds I s'pose." Yeah, um, I really liked that.

Happy Birthday Strom! 6-23-01
Strom is this many fingers old today. If I had three friends with me I could show you his age in fingers. You know what I found out about him today? In August he will have been married 10 years! Ten years! I can't believe it. Well, I can because I was at/in his wedding and it does seem like forever and a day ago. I remember getting sick the morning after I arrived like it was just yesterday. It was gross and hit me very hard. Just o give you an idea of what it felt like and maybe even looked like, it was like if snuffaluffagus were to get violently ill and blow chow. Oh yeah, it was that ugly. At least I didn't have to get up early and go to church and end up getting sick there like Strom did. Well, come to think of it I was suppose to go but as I was trying to get up and rally for my buddy, that's when it hit me and the ol' stomach started acting up. Bert never even got out of bed. It was such a rough morning/day. I think I will just leave it at that before I gross anyone out. Anyway, Happy Birthday Strombo, hope that ice cream cake is real good. His new baby boy, William is at home and doing well for those who may be wondering. Next is my sister Ku'ulei's birthday on Monday, then Mando's the next day. Lots o' birthdays this month. I was really looking forward to going to the beach today at Waimea Bay but it looks real ugly right now. The last two nights it has rained pretty hard. But it is normal for the day to start out gloomy and then have the sun bust out and make up for lost time. I wish in general that there was a way to make up for lost time. It's a random thought but hey, aren't they all in here? I am gonna go out and really enjoy the day no matter what today. Even though I keep talking about getting my drink on, it hasn't happened since Tuesday. yeah, I know it hasn't been that long but I keep thinking I will and then I don't. It's so anticlimactic. I am suppose to get the cable hook up today so that I don't have to camp out on the phone line to meet my online needs. That will be sweet. All right time to call Strom and start my day. You know it just turned 7am here, so it's 1pm in Stromland. Boy the stories I could tell about that guy. The only problem with that is that he could tell better/worse stories about me. So we just keep quiet, don't we Strom . . . and Bert! I can't wait to have good stories about Elisa. Not that I would share them. Hmm.

Friday as text
I have to get out of here and see what the outside world has for me. But I also need to do some writing. I have rediscovered the world of my paper journal. That thing that waits by my bed every night like a well-trained dog. But I don't pay attention to it as much as I should. It was a lot of fun writing in there last night. The only bummer was that I was still thinking about the passing of John Lee Hooker. I just had a break in my train of thought because I was trading instant messages with Elisa. I should be in training right now for when she gets out here because that girl can bend an elbow with the best of them. I mean it. I know a certain tall thin girl(woman) in the legal profession who is rather adept and consuming distilled beverages, but Elisa is a pro. I have mentioned her before in this spot because I saw her when I was in DC in March. That seems like forever and a day ago. That first night that we went out involved some pretty stout drinking. Elisa was barely phased by it. The best thing about Elisa is that she is a fun drinker. I think she comes out here August 18th. Maybe I should warn the local distributors that there may be a shortage of beverages come the morning of the 19th :) But she says she just wants to relax and hang out. I won't be able to write about all the crazy things she does when she gets here because she has already made me swear to secrecy so I have to conjecture now while I can. Hmm, bars, strip bars, then possibly jail bars. That sounds like quite a time. Did I mention that our Governor just vetoed a bill that would change the age of consent from 14 to 16? What the hell is up with that?!? I always thought it was 18 everywhere. I guess he thinks a 14 year-old in 8th grade is old enough to know what she is doing. That's sick AND wrong. But I like how we don't have helmet laws and we were the last state to raise its drinking age to 21. Something about losing federal funding for roads made us fold - wimps! We need those mobile donors on motorcycles and if they are young and have been drinking, well that just ups the chances of some organs being donated. Of course I am kidding about that. However I truly am glad our state doesn't have the death penalty. But say a high ranking federal employee came to visit, and he was killed by a resident of this state, would there be federal laws that superseded ours? I'm just wondering. I am in no way alluding to harming the goof ball from Texas (no, not Chris). I had to add that disclaimer at the end because I know Suhail reads my pita every now and then and he might sick his boys on me. All right it is 7pm and I feel the need to write. I just wish I could hold back the hands of time. I want to write, have a beer or two, do some more work and clean up my room all in the next hour. I will have to settle for doing just one. Guess which one. Sure, I knew you could.

In the Sun I feel as one
It's the Summer solstice and boy can I feel it. It is a crazy hot day today. A long crazy hot day. But I have lots to do so I am glad that I have the time and space. Brad is at his real estate class so I got the whole crizzo to myself. Work is really picking up but sort of in a good way. Time is passing a bit quicker now that I have to work so much. The only problem is that we have no office yet and so I have to work out of the house all the time. And I like Brad all right but I am getting tired of seeing his mug so much. It's probably the same for him. Hopefully we will get an office by the end of the month. It's Eric Hayes' birthday for those who may care. I would call him but that would entail finding his phone number in the abyss that I call my room. Somethings never change. I should really go for a run right now but did I mention that I was lazy. It's the heat. Really. Plus my knee is still a bit sore from playing hoops on Monday - pathetic, I know. But I have been writing. I finished a letter to Chris last night, one to Kathryn, and one to Laura a few days before that. Now to do more poetry writing. I have the time, the motivation and the space to do it write now. Aloha.

Cool, 832pm on June 20 in Hawaii cool
I took a break from work and watched "What Planet are You From?" It was a bunch of decent actors in a low-grade funny movie. But the best line, which almost made me pass out from trying not to laugh so hard, was this. There is a woman who comes up to a guy at the bar and asks him who the passed out woman next to him is. He says that it's his personal shopper but the problem is she only knows how to buy alcohol. It isn't as funny out of context. I am going to start going to bars late at night just so I can find someone passed out and I can use that line. Besides that, I can say without a doubt it is a very beautiful night out tonight. Something about the Summer solstice and the new moon and being in Hawaii. I am not gloating or bragging, just steeping in all that is around me. I won't get too pathetically philosophical but I must say Helen and Greta and Action and Topher and others were right, this was a good move for me. Thanks. Oh, and as for 'topher, I did want to mention that I razzed him pretty hard last night but I did mean it in jest. Besides, I couldn't beat him for $112 in pool even if you gave me a year. I would probably get up 35 bucks before I was suddenly down twenty. We are fairly even when it comes to pool, but sometimes I do get going on a little streak. I have to stop dreaming now, I am due back on the planet earth. And I hope today is the start of a wonderful Summer for you. I think it will be for me. Remember, I am not gloating. Oh, and can I give some props to my brother Armando who read my pita and got me the limited edition of the new Radiohead CD. It's karma baby. That, or luck.

if you don't know me by now
It's 10pm and I would love to crank the music (more than it already is) and write until my hand fell off. I am listening to Who Are You, which on somedays is my favorite album in the world. Love is Coming Down is such a perfect set up to Who Are You, I melt when I hear it. And New Song is the perfect start to it all. I remember in high school explaining to Lisa Malcolm why I loved the Who. She thought it was a bunch of overdriven rock written for testosterone flooded young males to enjoy. And I told her, it's all in the lyrics. I still think that every time I hear a quality Who song. In a way, that is what made me want to write. Listening to Townshend's lyrics and thinking, "Yeah, that's it man! That's exactly the way life is and it sucks!" Just knowing that someone else got it the way I got it made me feel better about not being happy. I would readily describe myself as a soft-shelled rebel who has grand thoughts but doesn't take many rebelious actions, yet I am glad others do. So when it comes to something like getting a speeding ticket my first thoughts are of rebellion. "there's no way I am gonna pay this blankety blank ticket given to me from this shallow gutless shadow of a man in a uniform!" But then, before I take any real action I leave it up to my friends and family to give me the backing and support so that I can feel confident about giving the Man his due. I need to be propped up by the biddings of others to actually take on the Man. And what happens? they say, oh no Kai, go quietly into that good night. otherwise your karma will hit your dogma and it will be killed. what kind of weak blankety blank support is that?!? but I put myself in this position because I had doubts in myself. So now what do I have to do? I have to pay the Man. My one little act of rebellion is to enclose a letter with my payment asking why the officer asked me my ethnic background. It sort of seemed harmless, given my name and my looks (haole name, local looks), but that doesn't make it right. I will include in the letter the fact that the guy was very kind and explained all my options when dealing with the ticket. But damn, I still got it. Anyway, you (the voting public) win, I will pay the ticket. When Chris chimed in all I could think about was "et tu Brute?" That was the dagger that put me down - like a humane society dog that has overstayed his welcome. By the way, I didn't go out drinking last night and I only had three tonight. Remember I am Mr. Moderation now. Yeah, that and a robust lackey for the Man. OH the ignominy. Carlos said fight, Mando said fight, but Chris . . . Chris?! Next time I am in town I will have to play pool with him until I have won one hundred and twelve bones from him. It may not be all in the same night but I won't return to the Islands until my coffers are filled. Don't worry, he knows I am kidding - sort of. :) Too bad you can't make a smiley face that looks like a grimmace. Not just any grimmace, but the kind you might make if you got a dagger to your spleen. Yeah, that kind. Okay, no more Chris bashing. I am gonna make like a baby . . . you know the rest.

an island on an island
I really like Hawaii. I don't know if I mentioned that before so I just wanted to get that out there. It's a big small community. Today I was playing basketball as part of work. I was playing with some IT guys from KSBE and I am trying to get a site on the grounds of KSBE. So see, it was all interrelated and for work. I didn't make much progress in getting the site but at least I tried. I was hurting in basketball because it was so dang hot out there! But my team won the first game. We lost the second one though. After the first game I already had a major headache going because I don't do well in the sun. But it was fun to get out and play. The only bummer was that my legs were so stiff from hiking up Kokohead that I didn't feel I was playing at 100%. And no, it had nothing to do with being about twenty pounds overweight. Hey, I am working on it! Did you ever see that SNL skit "middle-aged man"? that used to kill me. Mike Meyers had it going on back then. he's still good, just in a more polished way. Speaking of polished, I am waiting at my brother's place for him to get home so I can take him to the airport and I would love to polish off some pasta right about now. INstead, when he gets here he wants to go to Magoo's and get his drink on for the flight. After being healthy today (and perhaps because of my little run-in the other night) I will forgo having multiple beers tonight. Did you think I was giong to forgo having beers at all? HA HA HA HA HA HA that's a good one. But seriously, I am trying to be much more of a Mr. Moderation so I can learn from my mistakes. I don't need anything more serious to have to learn from. It's fun typing this entry at my brother's place because it reminds me of when I first came to Hawaii and had to always come here. I should get my own cable hook-up this Saturday which is nice because dial-up sucks. It seems like I have used a lot of hyphens in the entry. Hmmm, I don't know what that means. Maybe that my thoughts are fragmented. I just heard a commercial on KFOG use the word "luxuriate" oh pleeeease! Relax would have been much better. It was a commercial for a Blues festival! Come on. All right I will rest now before having to take my bro out. I meant to mention that I feel like i have been an island from my friends for the last few months. But I am starting to get some good feedback from them and it is great. It's probably my biggest blessing in life, my friends. It is a great asset that I certainly don't deserve but try and show my appreciation as much as possible. So thanks all and I will be much better at keeping in touch.

743am 6-18-01
Oh no, I just remembered that my rent is due tomorrow. It's all whacked because we moved in on the 19th so that's when they decided to make our rent due. Instead of paying a prorated portion for the rest of the month and then having it start on the first, they did the lazy thing and just went with our move in date. They are pretty lazy landlords in general, especially when it comes to upkeep of the yard and things like that. Anyway, I really wanted to write and bemoan the fact that I will have to quietly pay my speeding ticket if more people don't respond and tell me to fight it. It's a long shot to fight it but I feel bad about not fighting it. Tonight my brother Mando leaves for the Mainland for two weeks. I am sure he will have lots of fun going to shows and such. That is always what I miss most about the Mainland, the diverse entertainment. The last big name we had here was Diana Krall, and she was gooood! All right I gotta jump on the work train but perhaps one of you might shoot me an e-mail telling me to fight the power - please. Oh those miscellaneous moments.

Sunday afternoon, Father's Day
I just back from having brunch and it was pretty nice. I don't really like going to buffets because I always feel undue pressure to eat my money's worth. I had one medium-sized plate of food but then had to go for seconds. $26 is alot for breakfast, but if it turns in to being my lunch and dinner all at one sittng, well then I don't feel so bad. I don't know if anyone reading this has ever heard of Sam Choy's restaurant but they are famous (infamous?) for their large portions. So I guess they are thinking that people are going to come to grind (eat plenty) when they go there for a buffet. I liked the fresh poke and sashimi, which really aren't breakfast foods, because they are just so clean tasting. I felt pretty healthy after the first plate. Oh but the second plate. It was medium-sized too but really made me full. But it's a little overcast right now as I sit here so I don't have to worry about going and getting a cramp while taking a dip in the water. I love living so close to the beach but I haven't really been in the water that much. I haven't gone to the beach since Kathryn left. However I did go on a hike yesterday. It was a hike that I was thinking of taking Kathryn on and boy am I happy I didn't do that. There are 1048 steps that lead up to the top of Kokohead and 1047 of them are miserable. I went with Steve and Tana, Mando's roommate and friend, (Mando bagged at the last minute) and it wasn't too much fun. It was like doing the stairs at stanfurd stadium, just tough. A big incline that just keeps on getting steeper and steeper. I was sucking wind big time and turned back at just past step 800 (they are numbered at each 100). The climb wasn't fun at all and I was tired. But as I got down near step 700 I realized that those guys would never think I turned around (because I am not really one to quit or give up) and they would be waiting and waiting for me at the top. So I turned around and made myself power up those damn steps. And when I got to the top I felt good. It was a minor accomplish but it felt good nonetheless. There is a box where people write stuff on pads of paper so I wrote a bit in there. I would never take an out of town guest up there but I will certainly be back. Oh, the one thing I REALLY didn't like about the hike is that it is near a firing range! Every now and then you hear what might have been a ricochet in the not too far distance. That sucks. I guess it is not a State trail. I think there once was a trolley that took people to the top of Kokohead and the leftover tracks are what you follow to the top. It's a very nice view from up there but it isn't a nice nature trail hike like all the others so I am real glad I didn't take Kathryn on it. I think if Mando would have made the hike I could have forced myself to do the hike a bit quicker and without thinking of turning around. Because I can't let my younger brother show me up too badly. I heard that he can really power up the trail and likes to run down it really fast. I like the idea of running down it but if you slip, you are in a world of hurt. Ouuuuuuuuuch! Time to finish letters, wash my car, clean my bedroom and get ready for another week. It was good hanging with my Dad this morning but I won't bore you those details. My roommate Brad is out getting us a washer and dryer right now so that will be cool. Especially since we don't pay for electricity. Don't worry though, I won't waste any. Like using a kilowatt second playing some lame ass boy band on the CD player. I need to get the new Radiohead for my party next Saturday though. Man I need to get a lot together for that. Oh well, I am outta here.

6-15-01 later than you know
Besides my last entry, the five or so entries before that have been a bit too revealing. I would go back and read them and think, hmmm maybe I shouldn't have said all that. plus I have had to go back and edit them for grammar. But what I am really concerned about right now is the fact that only two people have weighed in on my contesting that speeding ticket or not and they have both been of the opinion that I should pay the ticket. I need some people to pipe up and say fight the power! All right, that's all I got tonight. I gotta write in my journal and slip some good words in there.

6-14-01
All right I got one person chiming in that I should count my blessings and eat the ticket. Anyone else? because right now it's just a tie. It's 8:30 here so I can't call anyone. I will make some calls tomorrow and see where the world is. I still need to talk to Mark, Helen and Action. Emo is still in never-never land but at least he updated his pita page earlier this week (Sunday). Go towards the light Chris, stay up and write. Forsake the television or meaningful conversations with your girlfriend; head toward the light! As shall I.

one hundred and twelve dollars
I don't think so, but that's the amount of the speeding ticket I got tonight. Okay, so I was doing 52mph in a 35 zone. I admit that. But I can't pay a fine like that without fighting it. When the light turns yellow you look at where you are at and think, okay I can slam on my brakes and maybe stop in time or I can speed up a bit and safely make it through the intersection. Hey, that's my story and I am sticking to it. That's the first speeding ticket since getting busted with Bert and having my name on a piece of tape on my forehead. Yes officer, I had been drinking. And tonight, I had half a pitcher of Bud Light and two Martzens at GB, then a couple beers at the Shack before getting pulled over tonight. And when the officer asked if anyone in the vehicle had been drinking tonight, my brother piped up in the affirmative nicely. SO here is my dilemma. Do a fight a ticket that I may deserve, and should be happy I didn't get grilled with dui tests? Or do I rebel against any ticket the man would try and sling around my neck and fight it? Obviously I am leaning towards fighting it. I have no reason not to fight it. And if the cop doesn't show, well that would be a free ride. All my life I have never had any admiration for the police. which is not to say I don't feel for them and the job they have to do, but if I can wiggle out of some situation involving them, believe me I am wiggling. The only weird thing is thinking about all the tickets I didn't get and feeling guilty about pushing my luck on this one. I remember Action following in the car behind me and me pumping my beer through the sun roof as we sped down 19th ave. That was fun at the time and in retrospect too because nothing bad happened. But if I would have been pulled over then, boom!, I would have gotten the dreaded dui. I have been severely blessed in not getting a dui and that is why about five years ago I really started trying not to drive in situations where I might get a dui. I am not perfect and I could have been at least tested tonight but I wasn't. So should I just pay the fine? I'll tell you what. If more people respond and say I should pay the fine I will pay it. But if more people respond and say I should fight it, then I am fighting it. You can only vote once. Kai Hermann casts the first vote and he says, "fight the power!"