as chances dissolve by the hour

full moon glory 2-27-02
I updated the Netscape version I use to access the internet and BAM! now i can post pita entries from home. one word, SWEET! It still gets stuck while probing various sites but this is great. This morning I had breakfast with Helen and have been online looking at various job sites since then. But with the sun out again I think I am gonna do a long walk over to North Beach and see what they got for me. yesterday I was overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge from Crissy Field at a site that was dedicated to Walter Haas Jr. I only mention that because (a) I didn't know he was a big proponent of renovating Crissy Field, (b) I have met him before, and (c) I didn't know he died in 1995. he and his wife seemed in good health when I met him at his granddaughter's deb ball. don't ask me why i was there at his table, it's a long story. but it was a beautiful time, good food, drink and those multi-colored, country roses everywhere. that's all i really remember. too bad his granddaughter ran into so many problems after that.
but wait, i digress. soon it will be Spring and I am very excited. i told Helen that the easter bunny was my favorite pagan symbol of fertility. and those egg hunts couldn't be more symbolic. she wasn't buying any of it. i don't know where she thinks the easter bunny came from, it sure the hell ain't something Abraham brought to the mix. still i will be doing the egg hunt and all that good pagan stuff on March 16th, at Catherine's birthday party. My only regrets about her upcoming birthday party is that i know i won't want to go outside for st. patrick's day. that next day all light will be too bright, except for the gentle glow of the tv and March Madness. I'll be laying there sipping some cool refreshing beverages trying to get my electrolyte balance back and cursing my inability to drink in moderation when surrounded by big drinkers (Chris, Panetta, Action) who enjoy drinking so fully. actually the party should be very fun, on many levels.
I just heard an ad for the Who in concert in July at the Shoreline. Hmm. I used to be a huge fan and still enjoy listening to their music but am not sure I want to pay huge bucks to see them in an even huger venue. I think I have seen them at least six times and they were damn good every time. last time they came through for the Bridge School benefit i didn't go see them and I regretted it. so i will probably breakdown and see them this time around. i may try and see them in Sacramento instead of Mountain View because Mando wants to see them too and he is flying in for it and that venue would probably work better. they are such a big part of my youth that i can't help but go see them. oh, and those lyrics i put in here awhile back was from their song, You, which is on their Face Dances album. nobody won the cash. but speaking of albums, i need to get myself a turntable and convince my roommate to get a nice component system so we can start cranking tunes in the living room. I have got a tape player coming so that's all i need to listen to my Jam 45rpm lps that i bought on ebay awhile back. that ho Miles has been listening to them and pilfering songs for his tapes since i had them sent to the PO box in Sac.
I love the time I have right now and am getting lots of writing done but I know I need to start the positive cash flow real soon. So even though I may be heading up to Sac tomorrow I will still be trying to set up interviews next week and get the picture moving. Helen was giving me small kine grief about that today, but I am all for giving friends a good kick in the ass when you know they need them. that reminds me, i gotta see Chris . . . ha! Just kidding Snoop.
Gotta go walk, write, tan, embibe and be. Strom's kid is home now and I sent him that card I bought him, hope he likes it. Now I gotta get him a big lollipop and hand deliver it in the Spring. when Boston is "puddlelicious" and some goat-footed ballonman whistes far and wee. BRING ON THE IDES OF MARCH.

"She's the kind of girl you want so much it makes you sorry"
It's great to be able to listen to KFOG again. they have such a great, eclectic playlist that I can listen to them for hours. Right now they are playing the top twenty cds as listed by their listeners. I didn't get to be part of the survey but they sure did pick some classics. And did I mention that it is 75 degrees outside?
I am deep in the cover letter writing and job search mode but it is fun on some levels. I guess because I like doing persuasive writing. I wish I knew someone in the grant writing business because that is definitely something i would like to get into. but mainly i am just looking at jobs that require a legal background but aren't your normal paralegal types of jobs. I have a lot of writing to go and much sunning to do today so I need to hurry and get that stuff nailed.
Last night was the first night Mark and I really got to hang out by ourselves and it was fun. Maybe the best part was going to play pool and meeting some random people. one was a girl from darwin, australia and the other was about to move to NYC. they weren't that good in pool but it was fun nonetheless. they both work at a local bar on satruday nights for now so perhaps i will get over there sometime. if not, no big loss. i also played pool when Elisa was in town. we met up with Chris and had quite a time. however i am getting a bit tired of pool, but a good game always excites me. that and a cold beer.
lots of things are going well right now and all i need is my refund for my deposit for my place in Hawaii and i will be set. the cool thing is that Carlos has some free time right now so he is more than willing to help me pursue getting that back. i tell you, it's all falling into place and it's a perfect fit. it's absolutely great to be back in the City. but yes, i do miss my family and friends in Hawaii. I hope my old roommate Brad gets his ass back to bay area soon because it can't be good to work for that devil of a boss.
sorry that the postings are so few and far between but my access is very limited, hence the rarity of my postings. maybe i will get a job soon and then i can play on the computer again in my "free" time. wish me luck. oh, one last thing. I went to see No Man's Land on sunday and it was very good. simple, but good. it is a little bit a bout the Serb Croatian conflict but it really serves as a representation of all conflicts that the UN gets involved in. good stuff Maynard, go see it if it is playing near you. next i have to see Pinero. and rent Moulin rouge. but right now I gotta get out in that sun!

2-22-02 because sometimes music matters
I just got through listening to Chris' tape he made for me a week ago. The first side is incredibly good and the second side ain't bad. I think i will have to pick up a Hey Mercedes cd sometime soon. It's great to get a mixed tape of lots of bands that I have never heard of and then to just sit and listen. It sort of reminds me of high school when I would spend hours doing just that. I would get a new album and just listen to it over and over. I just ain't got the time to be marinating and listening to tunes anymore. well, except when I am sick and have a damn good excuse for laying about. Sorry i didn't get to the tape sooner but i don't have a tape player. I stole mark's for the afternoon, it was great. groovin'
now i am off to see Miles and 'topher at Dave's. hopefully we can watch the yanks crush the rooskies in hockey, but i don't know. i don't know if Dave's has cable and i don't know if the US can do it. and if we lose i won't be as sad as i was watching our women's hockey team go down in flames. they looked completely inept. but damn, why am i going on and on about the winter olympics when Dave's is waiting for me. i think i may see elisa tomorrow night, which is a big rarity these days. i think she has left me for dead in my social quagmire existence, but that's cool too. cuz did i mention i was meeting Chris and Miles, shiiiit negro, ya know there is gonna be a fun time had then. late.

"thy sea is so great and my boat so small" 2-21-02
I can't beleive I didn't mention that over the weekend I went to Uncle Vito's. That place will always remind me of the trips Strom and I used to take to the City to visit Miles when he was going to school at SF Art Institute. those were some great times. This time it was Chris and I hanging out there so Chris could get his food legs back after drinking and playing pool. The pizza was good and the salad was excellent. We were at the only one that still exists, at Powell and Pine or something like that. that's where Miles met Isabelle. oh the memories.
last night i hung out with Bob and Mo and Greta, then Helen, after I went to see Storytelling. I got out of my salt mine job early yesterday because the case i was reviewing documents for got settled. that's sooo typical. that's why i don't want to do paralegal work. something can mean so much on one day and mean absolutely nothing the next. i am not about to philosophize about whether that applies to everything in this world, just paralegaling. those dust mites from those old, stored boxes got the best of me in the end. i am pretty sick now and am at Kinko's trying to spread my sickness to the overhyped, overrushed people all around me. seems like everyone is trying to get on a computer and print stuff and they are stressing out. and in turn their stress is making me edgy.
but last night all was great. first i got to see a movie which i thought was pretty good, very different and certainly worth my time (but not mickey fick nine bucks!). it was uneven and a bit raw, but sometimes that was in a good way. i just really wasn't too fond of the ending. it was a little flat. but i would still recommend it. then i met Monique, Bob and Greta for some beverages at the Leopard Lounge. after a few pints and a shot of Bushmill's Bob went home and the three of us went to a nice sushi dinner. after that Greta went home and Mo and I met Helen at Harry's Bar on Fillmore. It's a pretty yuppie place but it was nice. then we went across the street and had oysters at Elite Cafe and watched some of the olympics. I didn't really do anything spectacular but it was a very good time. In short, it felt good to be surrounded by good people. It makes life easy.
Speaking of being surrounded by good people, I watched 13 Days today, while sipping on tea and guzzling orange juice. If the movie was true, that was a pretty crazy time. Probably the closest we have ever come to a full out nucler war . . . that we know of. I don't know your politics but it seems the Kennedys (Jack and Bobby) were some outstanding individuals. next time I am in Boston I will have to see his library/museum. It's nice to think that good people run the country and have the world's best interest at heart. I guess that is another thing I won't dare to philosophize about here. Besides, I would just be pontifficating more than anything.
It's almost too bad that my temp job is over because now I feel the pressure to find something else. I am pretty hopeful though. Not very hopeful that anyone will ever get the lyrics I posted last time. What should I expect, they are obsure. Maybe if I give you another line that will help. "pinch me to see if I'm dreaming, maybe it's only a nightmare." that may have given it away but at least now i should get some guesses.
As for Strom's kid, Willie, he is still in the hospital and I get updates from his wife. He is still swollen inside from the operation and has a tube down his throat which he doesn't like. I wouldn't either but I am sure William will be licking lollipops soon enough. I just may have to go visit him in early Summer. I could tie that in with a trip to DC to see Suhail. Looks like Amsterdam is out of reach for right now. but don't tell Julie that! she might be upset and i don't want to hear it right now. (just kidding, she knows i will be out there soon enough - besides, none of you know how to get a hold of her anyway).
All right, I was scolded for not mentioning enough names in my last pita entry so I hope I have satisfied that quota. I look forward to getting rid of this cold and getting up to Sac to see my Mom soon. but even sooner, I need to get working on some cover letters and interviews. late.

Hits the town, drinks his wages. . . 2-20-02
That's almost the truth except I drank them before I even got them. today is my last day of a temp job that has me going through boxes doing some cursory review for scanning of the documents. It's pretty boring and dry but it pays. At least it better pay. I played Chris in pool a couple of times and I always end spending at least tem bucks on the pool games alone. then there is the beer, and then the late night food I must purchase to stay alive - it all adds up.
I haven't had much of a chance to write here because my computer at home freaks out when it gets to my pita page, I don't have a clue why. I guess it has been good though because it has forced me to write more in my journal and that has been nice. I walked over the hill to Fisherman's wharf on President's day and just hung out there writing for a while. It was overcast and breezy with a light purple bouncing off the sky and water. The birds gulls came to visit and even a seal. they were the perfect company. I have seen a lot of tv lately, mostly movies and the olympics. I care about stuff as it happens but once it is over I don't really care, that just the winter olympics and most of those sports i have never done so i have no frame of reference for any true appreciation for what they are doing. even if they break a world record i still don't get too excited. men's hockey on the other hand, that's some exciting stuff. i was getting mad because the Czech team was pushing around the Canadian team. That's probably the first time I cared about anything from Canada besides Crown Royal and Rush. crazy canucks.
it will be good to have tomorrow off because my job has me moving around a bunch of dusty boxes and this morning i woke up with a really sore throat. i hope i am not getting sick. i need to finish this week my setting up at least a couple of interviews at temp places so i cen get something new going by the end of the month. it's scary not having a job and health benefits. i think about it every time i go up for a rebound or layup in basketball. but whatever happens i just don't want to end up in an emergency room. just ask Brad, and he had insurance. on that note, i don't think i am gonna see john Q because it doesn't look that great. plus i have seen too many hollywood films and I need to take a break. i want to see some independent stuff, oh, and moulin rouge. gotta see that one because i have no idea what it is all about.
now i gotta go to the salt mines and put in my eight hours. uku pau babay, uku pau! one last riddle for you. if you are the first to guess what song this lyric comes from i will give you $20. and Strom, you can't play because you SHOULD know. "too late to say I don't dance."

one final final thing. if you know Strom, his kid just had his cleft palate surgery and all seems to have gone well. hope Willie is home and sucking the marrow out of life soon.

If I shiver please give me a blanket 2-15-02
okay, so it is the day after Valentine's Day, which I completely view as a holiday by Hallmark and flower vendors everywhere. given that, i didn't really give people gifts for valentine's day. to sort of make up for that i give you this and my best wishes for a great weekend.

one less

then came the ice fisherman,
meticulously carving,
ice saw slicing,
confidently gathering his catch
and away she went.

I watched the sun rain snow
form and fall from my window
never venturing out,
boring a hole
to take what I enjoyed so much from afar.

now I see what
I saw (and didn't saw)
over and over
melting me back into my
windowpaned view
of chances dissolving
by the hour.



happy day after :)

Ki-kiri-ki 2-13-02
I can't believe that I haven't even been here a week yet! And I am super glad that Chris has a job. Otherwise he would be forcing beers down my gullet every mickey fick night! Monday night we went to the Elbo Room and he schooled me in pool. The $2 Anchor Steams were great but I just couldn't get on track and was playing really sloppy towards the end. So he beat me 14-11, yeah, 25 games of pool between us that night.
I sort of got my revenge last night when I beat him 5-2, but in reality we are tied. The only redemption of beating him last night was that he was really on his game. He was making some sick shots that really had me concentrating to beat his ass. I love games like that. I had been up since 5am because I met my Mom and Miles on the way to the airport. She is in Hawaii now. After she left for her plane Miles and I went to Ocean beach and watched the waves and the surfers and I skipped stones. For all the stones Amelie put her in pocket that *&%$ never used one of them. Anyway, after that we met Mark for a late breakfast and then went on to meet Greta for her lunch (we just soaked up the sun) and then met Monique for a drink. Then we walked through Chinatown looking for a place that sold lottery tickets because we thought that would be lucky for us (it being the Chinese New Year and all). We finally found a place and then had a beer in a Chinese beer for some liquid luck. Then we went on to Tony Nik's which used to be a great dive place to get a drink. Now it is remodeled and clean and has a wacky bartender that seems to be off her medication all the time. We had to wait a while before Chris showed up. By then we had a few in our bellies and were well down the road to intoxication. But we had a couple with him and then went to Gino & Carlos's where we played pool.
The best part of thevening was when we went to eat dinner. There is this Italian place that I love to go to and it has pitchers of red wine that come in ceramic roosters. In Spanish the sound of a rooster is ki-kiri-ki. So everytime we go there we make that sound. Usually it is just to ourselves but like I mentioned we had been drinking most of the day. So we planned to make the sound as soon as the waitress put the pitcher down on the table. We did and she laughed - it was crazy. but then we decided we loved the rooster and that no one else should get to have that rooster so we put it in Chris' backpack and took it home. At the time I thought it was a great idea but now I feel a little bad. but hey, I got a cool new pitcher!
I have been going so fast ever since I have gotten here that I have not had a chance to think. So sorry that I accidently blew Elisa off on Sunday. I hate it when that happens. I don't mind intentionally blowing people off with a stretch of the truth about being busy but to not remember that we were suppose to meet up that day is real lame. I also forgot to call bert's friend Stacey, who called me Wednesday night. I also didn't get back to Catherine until Monday and she called me Friday! a big Doh!
All in all though it is great to be back. I like the ironing board in the living room, a big supply of soup in the cupboard and making pasta for a quick dinner. It's like finding an old pair of pants that are just so comfy it makes you wanna dance. SF is great! I have been overindulging a bit but Chris is at work again and I do have other things going this week that will keep me busy so I won't be hanging out late until Friday comes. I feel bad but almost envious of Monique and her lent thing, and Mando who is taking the month off of drinking smoking and coffee. At least it is a short month Du, hang in there. Got to talk to everybody I know today, Suhail, Helen, Monique etc., can't wait to see more of everyone. Soon.

the Good, the Bad and the Pretty Damn Sweet 2-11-02
Wow, it is weird to be back in the City by the Bay. Not because everything has changed but because so much hasn't changed and in such a good way. I feel a little weird not having a job to go to in the morning but I should fix that soon enough. In the meantime I get to have a little down time with my family and friends. It's nice, very nice!
When I got in to SF I went straight to the Cigar bar and met up with a bunch of peeps and drank, played pool and even smoked a Cuban cigar. I don't think I spent a dime either, now that is the icing on the mickey fick cake right there. Good friends, good times, mmmmmm. Not that Hawaii wasn't loaded with good people, because it was. It's just a different type of familiarity i have in SF. But check this out, on the way from Hawaii I was getting a little anxious about being on the plane so I started talking to the guy next to me. He was a local boy originally from Ewa Beach but currently lives in Kona with his with and son(who was traveling with him to go snowboarding). So we start hitting some wicked turbulence early in the ride (it was raining in Honolulu when I left) and I wasn't taking it so well. This guy tells me "hey, why don't you do what I do and get your doctor to give you some Xanax (Zanax?) to make flying easier on you?" All I could do is agree and say maybe next time. But then I asked him if he had any with him and he said yes. He went in his carry on and got me one and I was blissing after that! I can see why Jeb's daughter was jonesing for some of those bad boys. he was so cool. He was way old school and didn't even hestitate giving me prescription medication because he knew it was going to help me out. In fact, he got his name because when he was born his Mom was friends with the doctor who did the delivery and didn't have any insurance. the doctor did the delivery for free and she knew he had two daughters and no son so she named the kid after him. Damn I love stories like that!
Okay, that beings me to the part where I have to tell you about a story I didn't like. I went to see Amelie on Sunday and was sorely disappointed. I may have had some big expectations going into it because I had read a lot of good reviews about it, but man it was weak. It was just a French chick flick. I have absolutely nothing against chick flicks or action flicks, I just want to have a realistic idea about the level of entertainment I should be expecting going in to a movie. I almost walked out, which is something I never do. The thing that made me stay is that it made me think about a poem I had recently writing about sitting on my hands and watching opportunities melt away like the winter snow. But about the movie, this girl is a dreamer and then her dreams come true. I thought, that kind of pure dreaming is never rewarded because it never kisses reality. It was just so far off I couldn't take it. but then I thought about the Remains of the Day, and how great that flick was. I swear that when I came out of seeing that film I wanted to get married, have kids and work for a goal, not just money. Of course that movie came out nine years ago and I am still working on all of the above - but hey, it was moving. And if I could recommend a movie to rent it would be that. A very anti-Valentine's Day kind of flick, but realistic. That made me weep and I ain't too weepy of a guy.
Oh dman, just saw what time it is! I am suppose to be meeting Chris in 3 minutes and I am on the other side of town at Kinko's doing this entry! gotta run!