if only in my dreams

early on December 30th
I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about the possibilities the New Year holds. Even though with those possibilities of change and expansion and knowledge, there comes equal chances of disappointment, disappointment and disappointment I am strangely confident. I see this next year as one that is either a big gain or a loss. And I am mighty hopeful that there will be no losses this year. there just seems, on a very dreamy level, so much potential for good things to happen that I have no desire to think aout the down side of things. I mean even if I am exactly where I was two years ago I wouldn't be upset, distraught or bitter. I would be fairly happy. I am of course looking forward to having a great new year's eve blast and just to hang out with Kathryn and Helen and Mark and Elisa and maybe a couple of others, it will be a sweet time. Starting off on the right foot and lots of possibilities, how bad could it be? On the heels of Chile and being truly free, I just can't see the pitfalls, the shortcomings, or last call. Happy New Year!

the day after
Today I feel imbued with a sense of urgency that I certainly didn't have yesterday. I was hoping for this kind of self-realized kick in the ass to get myself jumpstarted down the path of . . . well, down the path to whatever may be next. I realize I am painting myself into a corner (or plane) that will lead me to SF. Next time I see Mark I will have to talk terms of return. The only outside thing that may keep me in Hawaii is if my friend bert can get me a job to help support a bill giving Hawaiians the same status as Native American Indians. That would be something very worthwhile and personally gratifying, so I would certainly stay here for that. Either way, I am giving notice at my house in Kailua as soon as possible because I don't want to pay another month's rent if I know I am heading out of here. Plus, making a decision on what I will do next frees me up to make other decisions, such as whether to keep my car and bring it back with me or selling it, and just lots of other stuff like that.
I feel bad about leaving the Islands after only being here such a short time but it doesn't make good sense to stay here unless I have a job or cause that I am working for or towards. It's a place that could drain my savings fairly quickly and that's definitely something I would like to avoid. Being penniless would be a nice incentive for dieting though, so there's even a shiny side to that, I suppose. But being back there in SF, even if it was ever so brief, really made me want to return. Then I can be there for Helen's and CJ's birthday without having to pay for a plane ticket. Plus, I can't go anywhere with my frequent flyer miles from Hawaii. But I will be able to go to Amsterdam in the Spring if I am in SF :) Now THAT'S what I am talkin' bout! A year delayed but it will be lots of fun. I just have to find someone who is willing to take off a month and jet over there with me. Any takers? Let me know.
Right now I am trying to make sure I have something more to do than just sit around Mark's place on New Year's Eve and drown myself. I know there are plans for an early dinner out at a nice place but then after that things are very up in the air. Maybe Mark should throw a nice gathering and that would answer all my problems. A gathering of 10 to 20 people would be perfect. Ask him about it, 885-6810! I will let you in for free :) Now that's entertainment!

Christmas morning
I would have to say I am pretty far from feeling like today is Christmas. First of all I think I have spent every Christmas of my life in Sacramento. Secondly, I came in real late on the fanfare and commercial stuff that begrudgingly reminds me that Christmas is coming in __ days. Chile was wonderful for that. Even though I was down there wondering how I could get gifts and find room in my pack to bring them back, I didn't feel that I really had to get anybody anything. So in the end I just bought some t-shirts and wine in the Santiago airport as I was leaving because I didn't have time or space for anything else. (I had to leave my running shoes in Chile just to make room for that stuff) So now here I am wondering what I will be doing for dinner (I was suppose to plan dinner somewhere but didn't). I look forward to seeing the Ali movie and finally settling into dinner and some gift exchanging with my brother and Dad. But then tomorrow is a holiday of sorts for me too. I have got a few of those days coming to me and I know I can't squander them because I will never ever have this kind of free time again until I am retired or something.
Ah, but as others start to wake and I start to eat insanely fattening food and I worry about never making of my new year's resolutions come true, it starts to feel a bit more like Christmas. I can't remember the last time I had a chocolate product as my breakfast . . . maybe last Christmas, as I am a sucker for those chocolate covered cherries. Soon I will be lost in the trance of the day and things will fall somewhat into place as I get lost in a scene. But before that happens I think I will redo my new year's resolutions and recount how many more days of leisure I can financially sustain before I must return to lackey status. Being a free radicla was nice though, and didn't we have a nice time! Wasn't it such a fine time!
The new year could be even better though - much better. Here's to egg nog, brandy, chocolate-covered cherries, gifts from people you didn't get a gift for, cake-o cheese-o and being in the best shape of my life within three months :) Oh, and please pass me that Anchor Christmas Ale. Thanks.

Bringing it all back home
I haven't really been keeping up with my entries lately but I am trying. Coming back to SF for one day before returning to Hawaii was great! I got to see lots of people and do a lot of running around. The only bad part was I didn't get to see my sister Greta. I set my alarm to get up early (630) but it didn't go off. I forgot that I had to take out the battery to get on the airplane! I woke up at 715 and she was nowhere to be seen. I hope she enjoyed her day and office Christmas party. I will be back in the Bay Area for 10 days starting the night of the 30th. I wanted to come back on the 28th but, like the never-learning crack-smoking foool that I am, I didn't buy my ticket when I had the chance and the ticket price doubled. Sound familiar? Doh! That's all I can say. Well, that and maybe a few other choice things but I will leave it at that.
Thanks a ton to Helen, Mark, Chris, CJ and Cork for rallying and spending some time with me on my short visit. It really makes me think long and hard about where I will choose to be come February. I just love the City of San Francisco too. The buildings, the fog and mmm, just about everything. Except the traffic and pollution and gentrification, other than that it is a flawless city - if only in my dreams.