the more things change . . .

aloooooha Friday!
That's a long alooooha Friday for the long weekend. I am excited about the extra day off. What am I gonna do? I don't know but I still got one more day to do it. One more day to dream the dreams of freedom and unrestrained entertainment. I am going to watch the wahine volleyball game with Mando (and Beer) tonight. tomorrow it's an early morning hike and then I don't know - hmm, maybe sitting around watching a little college football (and Beer). Then Saturday night I will be mellow and maybe catch some music at Anna Bananas or something (and Beer). Sunday I am going to jump on the beach and play in the water for awhile. Then I might have people over (and Beer) for a little gathering that might resemble a party. And then Monday I have some domestic chores to do. Afterwards I might go bowling. But I'll try not to invite Beer because I did tell my mom that I would treat my body better and eat more fruits and vegetables. And believe me, I have been living my share of the herbivore life. I went out to dinner last night and I had red wine with my meal. No, there was no lack of beer at the restaurant, I just had to mix it up and go with what I thought fit the night better. I had some very tasty fish for dinner and knew that beer wasn't the right call. But at 5pm today, or in less than 10 hours, I will definitely be making a house call on Mr. Beer. I can't write anymore or I will get too excited and not be able to work today. Hope your Labor Day weekend is a good one and I will catch up with you on the other side. And if I owe you a package in the mail, I PROMISE to send it out tomorrow. No joking, scout's honor (I was never a Scout but I still got a little honor left) it's out tomorrow. the package may not have everything but hey, it's gonna be something, so smile. Oh, except for my sister Ku'ulei, you gotta wait til Tuesday. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I am such a a mean and wicked brother. And I like it. But not as much as I like a sunny day. So I have a lot to like about today. the tradewinds are peaking at about 15 mph, the trees are swaying, the scents of paradise are being liberally tossed around and the sun is kissing the earth like it's the first day. Ahhhhhhh, Hawaii. aloha.

the birthday of 'topher
It's not midnight here but it sure is in Houston, where Chris is now another year older. Chris is funny in that he is a lot different from when you first meet him. You have to wait to get to know him until he actually talks to you (at least a couple weeks later). I remember when I first saw him everyone was taking bets as to whether he was a legal worker (18 y/o or not). The other bet was if he was older than Catherine or not. If you bet on Chris in those days you won twice. Those days at Crosby when I met 'topher, Action and P-rez were memorable only in hindsight. At the time they were just dryly laborious. Now they are almost the glory days. I ate a lot of vegetarian lunches with Chris at the Thai place, Pho 84, the Lotus Garden and at the Indian place. We only went to Indian when we were really feelin' it because it was a buffet and we wanted to get our six bones worth. I remember when 'topher was telling P-rez about emo music and Rob wondering how he missed a whole genre of contemporary music. That's why we gave Chris the Emo monicker. Since then it's been beers and pool and more beers and pool. The best time (on the work hour) was when we went to Zachary's for lunch. Then we slipped over to a pub for beer and pool. Then we went closer to work on Telegraph and parked ourselves at the Stork Club and proceeded to drink more. The pisser was when I checked my messages and found out people were looking for me and Chris. I knew I had to go back to work . . . even though I had about seven beers in me. I got back and had to go face to face with my boss and explain how I hadn't seen Chris since lunch. I was so scared that the mints would wear off and that I would be busted! But I made it and then went and had a beer with the lead attorney on one of my cases. It was a warped and crazy night but we all survived it with our jobs in tact. Those were the days. We had a lot more days like that since then but none where we had to go back to work. So Chris, have a great time in H-town and know that your tape I made for you will never arrive ;) Beyond that I have my own little tangled webs that I accidently weaved recently. I am thinking that it won't add up to much because I am here as you are there and we are sort of all together. Tomorrow I am gone to Maui so that is sweet. I haven't been there in quite some time so I really look forward to it. I have a letter to tear up and restart to Kathryn so I think that is what I shall do. Writing writing writing in any form is good these days. Especially with October 1 just around the corner. Meeting that deadline is extremely iffy. But with a wink and a nod I may just make it. So much to do, so little time. But things are looking up. I think the next birthday entry belongs to Monique Regina Handy. So I got some time. Think SF in three weeks. mmm.

Happy Birthday Greta
She is this many fingers old. Sounds like she is having a birthday week of festivities with lots of lunches and dinners and other stuff. That's what I like, a festive birthday. Why sit around and whine about getting another year older? Go out and make that day your day! Considering the alternative, I think you'd rather age. I had Bill Shakespeare on my brain and I was going to copy a sonnet of his and put it in an e-mail to her but I don't have that great of a command of his sonnets anymore. And with 154 of them I figured I don't have time to read 'em all. He has some good ones about time and beauty but I have no idea which ones they are. The only one I really remember is 29. The one with "featured like him, like him with friends possessed" and "with what I most enjoy, contented least." That one sings. That's like "Who Are You" turned inward. And it's just a little sonnet. I remember Maya Angelou talking to Bill Moyers about that sonnet on some PBS special I had to watch for a high school English class. She spoke about the opening line, "When in disgrace with fortune and other men's eyes", and how she identified with it because she grew up poor and never felt "pretty" like the other girls. It was perfect. She has such a very deliberate delivery when she speaks which, to me, hints at her brilliance. The way she broke the word "pretty" and put such an emphasis on the first syllable, she sounded like a poet. I think I sound like a hockey player when I read aloud. I have some weak skills when it comes to my delivery. So I once asked Frank Bidart how he got to be such a passionate reader and he said, practice. He is kind of a freak but he can deliver his poems! I read them completely differently after hearing him give a reading at Berkeley. Robert Pinsky sort of read the way I figured he would, slow and methodical but with no great theatrical passion, just a little snarl here and there. Thom Gunn on the other hand made me fell like I was in Kindergarten and I was sitting in a circle while the teacher read in an undulating, sad to happy monotone. He gave me an interesting perspective on what T.S. Eliot might have sounded like though. So there you have it, a bunch of poets with an amazing catalog of work being critiqued on their reading skills by someone with no catalog. Sort of fitting in a this-is-my-world-and-you're-just-a-squirrel-trying-to-get-a-nut kind of way. And hopefully if it is your birthday, that's the way you feel!

Drowned, 1021pm 8-26-01
Someone asked me for a guy's perspective on a budding relationship and I didn't get to fully answer her because of the rush of activities I have had going on lately so if you happen to check this page, here is your answer. I am a sucker for romance and a stooge for not cutting bait sooner in relationships so don't listen to anything I have to say. Just kidding, well, mostly. It's odd though because I have had a couple other female friends ask me a similar question, "I have been hurt before and I don't want to get too excited but I like this guy and things seem like they could go somewhere; should I allow myself to get really excited?!?" My answer will always be, "hell yeah!" Because there's only two things that could happen, you'll overwhelm him with your excitement and scare him off, or he will feel relaxed because he knows you like him and he doesn't feel the pressure to try all sorts of crazy ways to gauge how interested you are in him. So if your excitement scares him off, he wasn't on the same page as you to begin with and would have only strung you along until he gathered up the courage to tell you so - or worse. He could make you do all the work to keep the relationship going while showing only marginal interest but enough to make you think, "well maybe if I just ____ that will solidify our relationship." Not. If you have a bad feeling, trust your intuition and go very slow, if at all. And conversely, if you think this one is special let him know. Life is too short to hide behind the maybes and perhaps of not living life to the full. whatever that means. anyway, we can talk more later but I just wanted to get that out there. As for myself and how I truthfully approach an exciting new relationship, all I can say is "no comment." I'm really just kidding this time. I would like to think that I always show the enthusiasm of every moment that I am enjoying myself so that the person I am with knows how excited and thankful I am to be there in that moment with them. And that would go for anybody I call friend or family. But I know I don't always follow that "guideline for the self-actualized prince of perfection" but I try. Speaking of which, anyone seen Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back yet? Damn Lunchbox, get on it! It's a great matinee if you can sneak out of work and revel in your new found freedom. There are some dead spots but there are some pretty funny parts too. I love the whole bit about "hetero life partners." Now that's comedy. I haven't been to live comedy in a very long time. The last comedy gig I saw was on HBO, Chris Rock, Bigger and Blacker. That was good stuff. It's still sort of early so I am going to try and crank out a letter before I see the eyelids close. It's gonna be a tough week so write me and keep me entertained. As a p.s. I just want you to know that Kai Hermann has met his quota of female friends and will not be taking any more applications. Having too many female friends can ruin a guy's perspective on the whole guy-girl interaction thing. See if a guy has too many female friends he is used to being the subdued dude that likes to talk and lend an ear, it leaves him without any sense of urgency around women. So instead of trying to make small talk laden with double-entendre and innuendo, which might lead to something more, the guy actually listens and just says "yeah, I know what you mean" way too much. The lion forgets he is amongst the lambs and he is hungry. So I am yelling "Laaaaambert" on the female friend tally. (hopefully you know that story about Lambert who was a lion raised by sheep so he just thought he was one of them. Anyway the wolves would never attack that flock because they would see lambert and think again. Finally a wolf gets daring and decides to go for a lamb which just happens to be Lambert's "Mom". So she yells for him and then he realizes his power and strength and goes over and takes out that wolf.) So see, I can't be operating from the lamb point of view. I need to act like a lion, so no more female friends. Kathryn, Helen, Action, Elisa and the others, that's it, no more. Okay, Lambert has to go write that letter then start counting sheep :)

meat. greet and aloha
I have been so rundown lately that my Mom called me and told me to treat my body better and eat more fruits and vegetables. That's funny because it's completely true. I need to sleep more, eat less, exercise more and drink less. The wave of visitors ends as of tonight so I can have only myself to blame starting tomorrow. I love going out, eating at cool restaurants, tossing back a few cool refreshingly hoppy malted beverages and exploring the nightlife of Honolulu but not every night for two and a half weeks straight. I could use a few good, healthy home cooked meals. And I could go without eating the dead animals for awhile. In general I think I have been lulled into a false sense of what vegetarians are like because the two vegetarians I know are really cool people who are smart, entertaining and well-rounded human beings that like to take relatively good care of their bodies. I say "relatively" because I know that when I am hanging with Chris mr. beer seems to hang out with us a lot. My other vegetarian friend couldn't be better. But in reality, most vegetarians are still hairy, smelly freaks that I would rather not be around. Kind of like the manatee. Peaceful oafs with whiskers that keep to their own kind. Hey, I am not bashing vegeatrians because I already gave them props for having at least two quality members in their club. I feel bad when they get grief for not eating meat when they are surrounded by carnivores. It's akin to people who don't drink. If someone doesn't drink ANYMORE because of a problem that's one thing, but people who don't drink because they don't want too, they get grief. And I don't think it ALL comes from my friends :) It's just not an approved lifestyle choice in the gang I run with. Carlos is especially hard on them. But speaking of unapproved lifestyle choices, what's up with the smoking?!? I can't stand it. But I can't preach about smokers being brain-dead lemmings and lackeys to the corporate machine that promotes such self-abuse because I like beer and it has a couple corporate sponsors. But if you are out there reading this, please don't smoke. Stay around awhile, we'll do some fun things, even as septuagenarians. It can't be all that. Now heroin, that's another story. That's not a horse you want to ride. But beer, mmm, that's ALWAYS a good choice. Well, mostly. Tonight I will get home before midnight, have a full night's rest and start my marathon training in earnest Sunday morning. I can't let anybody I know beat me. I just can't. Plus all this training will help ease my Mom's nerves. But for now I am off to a noon breakfast and the last hurrah for Elisa. Her plane leaves at 845pm, I will be sad to see her go but Frenchie will be one happy camper! Every night he yells up at me, "monsieur! monsieur! please! I am full and haven't had a breath in three weeks!" If you don't know, Frenchie is the name of my liver. He's pretty upset right now. Give him some cranberry juice and a couple weeks of rest and he'll be happy again. I am happy to have guests like Elisa, Mark and Action but fruits and vegetables and a couple weeks rest sounds good to me too. Then comes SF.

Choosing my confessions, 8-21-01, 1030am
I can't believe how long of a hiatus I have had. Four days is a lot for me. With the arrival of Elisa on Sunday I have been very busy. I have barely even replied to my e-mails recently. Greta wrote me a nice long one about her work and going to see Wynton Marsalis when I am in town. She also mentions that she might be moving when her lease is up. It seems like everyone I know in SF is looking to move somewhere else, either around the town or to the North Bay, or if you are a crazy fool, to some remote desolate place like Maine. You know who you are boyeee. I like my house in Kailua but I wouldn't mind living on my own. I am still waiting for my buddy Charlie to have a vacant condo so I can move in there - that would be super sweet. In other news I seem to have more people reading my pita than I knew. I won't change my approach or what I write just because I know this person or that person reads this. It's always gonna be topical treatments of daily abrasions. It would be somewhat unfair to rail on someone personally here. Even if I think that person should try harder to find time to share their world with me. He he he! Gotta get back to work now.

eleven shadows, way out of place, 8-17-01
It's Aloha Friday and the day has just begun. The state offices here are closed for Admissions Day. Last night I went to see Sexy Beast - hmm. It was pretty good but it was another victim of high expectations. My friend Carlos was talking it up like it was the next Snatch and I believed him - again. I should have learned my lesson when he told me Bridget Jones' Diary was more than just a chick flick. Anyway, it was good and it was interesting but a little too tense for me. I was just coming from work and I needed a bit of a relaxer not a hot seat of anxiety and tension. Okay, that could have been due to the coffee I had earlier in the day. I won't drink real coffee ever again - really! It wrecks me. Speaking of which, Elisa gets in on Sunday and it should make for some hard evenings. Her and Chris did some drinking when she was in SF at some show at the Music Hall. I am sure that was fun. But I will be in the City soon enough and I will make my own fun memories. Oh, back to the movie, Ben Kingsley is sooo not Ben Kingsley in this movie, which is pretty incredible. There is this one guy in the movie who I couldn't understand a word he was saying. If you thought Brad Pitt was bad in Snatch, this guy is worse because he speaks softly on top of it all. Some people in the theater laughed when he spoke and I wasn't sure if they understood him or were just laughing at him. The main character reminded me of a guy in Quadrophenia but I am not sure. If you saw Quad, he was Jimmy's rocker friend who gets beat up by Jimmy's mod friends. Go see it, judge for yourself, tell me what you think. But don't forget you saw it here first. Have a great weekend.

you are what you are - and you make it hard
I was listening to an old tape either me or my little brother made in high school and it had that CSN song "suite judy blue eyes" on it. It's a great song, wonderful melody and excellent harmonies. It's so funny to hear a tape made during high school because most of the songs on there I listened to ad nauseum at the time so I don't really listen to them anymore. But for last night it was perfect. I had such a long day Monday and Tuesday that I had to drink lots of coffee to stay awake and it had me way over amped. I remedied that with a few beers downtown and a lot of kvetching with Carlos. But it wasn't a late night and this bear was feeling just right as he came over the Pali Highway on his way home. And then that song came on it was perfect. There are a lot of other things I can think of that aren't perfect right now (porridge of life too cold) but that was a good moment. It made me wish I could sing, or at least play an instrument (I'm guessing that playing the steering wheel like a percussion instrument doesn't count) to make some music of my own. I guess the closest I ever really got to making music was writing lyrics to a couple of songs that Miles put a tune to. They were pretty decent songs in my unbiased opinion :) Really. I remember Miles wanting to go to LA and see if we could make it as a songwriting duo, me lyrics and him music. But I wasn't up for the adventure so it never happened. I'm not saying we could have made it but what's the worst that could have happened? - spend a few nights on the sidewalk, hungry, wishing we were David Watts? Hey, I got relatives down there, it would have been fine. But I was not even close to pulling the trigger and taking that chance. Now my porridge is cold and I am in a world of quandry on how to heat it up. Speaking of which, I gotta call Helen today and find out why and how her porridge is so hot. Like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland said on my completely unfair Spanish test, "me voy, me voy."